'Pain brings clarity. Clarity brings focus. Focus brings opportunity. Take every injury as a reminder that you are alive. So long as you live, victory is a possibility. Do not squander that opportunity.'
—Excerpt from the recovered 'Tenets of Combat' likely authored by an underground hero or vigilante.
Katsuki Bakugou is angry.
Everything he feels is one form of anger or another. Mild annoyance is his default but that flares up easily to rage at the slightest provocation. And he doesn't care what his mother says about his attitude. The hypocrite. She was just as angry and violent as he was. He learnt how to take his first punch from her.
But there are few things that make him want to burn the world to ash. He's beaten the shit out of kids double his size any time they said he'd never be a hero and done the same to anyone who messed with his friend as a kid—not the spineless lackeys who trail along but that fucking asshole who wouldn't stop trying to be better.
When he receives the letter from UA he's not worried. He knows for a fact that he's passed. It isn't arrogance when he sees his name in first place but the way of the world. The useless side characters hadn't done much to be of any use. He's very much ready to see Deuku's name in last place.
Except it isn't.
Fifth place, he thinks a second before his pleasant displeasure—something only he could feel—turned to absolute hate. He wanted to fight and to lash out at everything and everyone.
The rage follows him to school. They congratulate him, as is natural, and he takes his place as king. But they fucking have the audacity to so much as offer Deku a kind word and he very nearly breaks his desk in rage. But the explosion makes them shut up and Deku is too scared to look him in the face.
This will be the last day of middle school before they all travel their separate way. The side characters will go on to mediocre schools and live mediocre lives. But he's destined for glory.
Until the principal calls their 'proud graduates to UA' to his office at the end of the day. He wants to slam Deku in the wall just to see him cry. But not in the middle of the hallway where anyone could report it with impunity and fuck up his chances at the last moment.
He stands to Deku's left, a smouldering pile of rage made manifest, as the principal drones on about how proud and delighted he is that two of their students will go to UA.
"I'm especially proud of you, Midoriya. Your success was a delightful"—Don't destroy his desk, don't destroy his desk—"surprise. I believe your determination will ennoble future students who believe their goal is out of reach."
Bakugou takes a deep breath as Deku stammer, "T-t-thank you, sir."
"And you, Bakugou. No one doubted your success, but first place truly is an achievement." Bakugou rolls his eyes. "Now, should either of you require advice or even help, do not hesitate to contact me."
Fucking worm, Bakugou thinks as they're allowed to go. He keeps close to Deku, taking pleasure in the way he shakes. Good. He should remember who was the king and who was a fucking hallway servant.
The moment they're out of sight he spins Deku around and slams him into the wall. Bakugou can see the tears in his eyes already. Pathetic.
"I fucking warned you to stay out of my way," he roars and watches Deku flinch. "I should beat the shit out of you for ruining my dream."
The bastard has the audacity to chuckle. "I-i-I thought your dream was to be a hero. You're still going to UA."
It takes all he has not to smash Deku's head in the wall. "I was supposed to be the only one from this school."
"Who c-cares? No one's gonna remember where you came from." Deku shakes his head. "I'm going to be a hero."
The violent rage eases up slightly. Bakugou's palms are sweaty, knees weak from restraining himself, and arms heavy from holding Deku up. He wants to blow the little shit up.
But he sees the streak of white hair.
He lets go of Deku, surprised when he stays standing. Deku's shorter than him always has and always will be. Deku grins at him despite the tears. It looks like a grimace, too many teeth to be anything happy.
When did his teeth get so sharp? Bakugou wonders, stepping back because the longer he stares the more teeth he sees, and they seem never-ending and ready to consume everything.
"I'm going to be a hero," Izuku says unwavering, changing completely yet not changing at all.
His eyes are shining, Kacchan thinks errantly. He meets those eyes and regrets it immediately. There's something terrifying lurking in those eyes, something vaster than worlds and yet so finitely small. An echo of nightmares watches him through those eyes. And he knows his mind would break under the shear strange weight of seeing it in full.
"I know everything about you," this thing that wears Izuku's skin says. "And I know you can never be a hero. Do you remember what you did? I do."
He takes another step back. Looks to the white hair again. Remembers being terrified of what he might have done that day months ago and running, dreading what might be, until Izuku returned to class terrified, almost broken, and scared, but most of all alive. Maybe that was why he had left Izuku alone and not because the boy had saved him from the sludge villain.
Izuku walks past Kaachan who stands there numb. He glances back, not surprised that Izuku's back is tall or that the setting sun frames him. His shadow is long and somehow darker than night. For a moment where the world seems to waver, Izuku's shadow reminds him of a monster with too many eyes and teeth that shreds through all that is warm in the world, arms of twisted crystal and infernal engines powering it.
The moment disappears and Kacchan falls to the ground, landing on his knees. He breathes deeply, trying to forget whatever he just saw. Because no matter how terrifying Izuku is, he only became so after that day—stop fucking thinking about it-and knowing that is more than Kacchan can deal with.
He picks himself up long after Izuku is gone. Dusts his clothes off. Walks home and chooses to forget.
Katsuki Bakugou is angry.
-TDB-
Izuku is surprised that Katsuki doesn't antagonise him after school. He remembers the anger his oldest friend had during the meeting and is completely shocked that he walks home without so much as an angry word.
Maybe he's not mad at me? Izuku wonders.
The voice in his head giggles. Two can keep a secret if one is killed, it says then laughs again. Do you want the secret, little killer?
Izuku frowns. "I don't have any secrets."
The voice quiets. And then the laughter returns full force, loud and grating enough that he's shocked his ears aren't bleeding.
A lie is a lie is a lie, the voice whispers. An easy secret. Did you tell my mother about All Might?
Izuku frowns. "She's my mother." Then tries recalling their conversations. And he can't remember a single mention of All Might. "Fine. I forgot."
Another secret. The dark is generous and full of truth. Its love will set the stars alight. You are not the dark. You are the dark below.
Izuku winces, pain lancing through his skull, and grits his teeth. "Shut up," he snarls. "Just shut up."
A hard secret. The first time you died you were kill—
"Shut up," Izuku roars, falling to his knees and clutching his head. "Shut up and don't say another word."
The voice somehow smiles sadly. I will keep the secrets that will break you. I will remember what you will not. It falls silent. Izuku feels its presence disappear.
There is blood in his mouth-he's bitten through his tongue—and Izuku spits it out and watches carefully. When he is certain it won't grow legs and lead an army of spiders to kill him, Izuku walks away.
He spends the next few days lazing about in the real world. He trains and meets All Might once more. His mentor explains why he was silent to which Izuku thanks him for not interfering. Knowing that he earned his place, and was not assisted through backroom deals, is worth all the pain of the last few months.
Shinsou messages him frequently. They both think the exam is unfair as despite his powerful quirk—Izuku doesn't understand why Shinsou stares at him like he's an angel—and exceptionally high grades, Shinsou just doesn't have the abilities to destroy a robot. But he can become stronger and Izuku sincerely believes that.
"There's no reason you should just stay in the background," Izuku says one day whilst they're walking to the train station after a day of shopping. He's glad he wrote a list of everything they needed because Shinsou is hopeless at shopping and hates malls. It had taken the better part of the train ride there to convince not Shinsou to bolt immediately. And lunch had been fun as Shinsou at like a child, leaving a mess everywhere and getting covered in icing sugar from his crepe.
"Well not everyone has a combat quirk, Mr I kick robots to death." The words are said in jest and it causes Izuku to flush.
"I broke both my legs."
Shinsou rolls his perpetually tired eyes and finds a spot of icing sugar still clinging to his jacket. He rubs at it furiously, which Izuku knows will only make it worse.
"Do you seriously not know how to use your quirk? And what is your quirk, anyway. I thought it was an emitter type with all the shadows, but the kick doesn't make sense."
Izuku laughs nervously. "I'm still figuring everything out." He points at his white hair, oddly used to it by now. "Hidden quirk."
Shinsou stares at him for a long moment. "Fine. You'll tell me when you're ready."
They walk in silence, taking in the city. Musutafu is a perfectly fine city but one that Izuku feels he's explored to death searching out hero fights, stalking agencies for chances to talk to the pros, and just spending time with his mother. There isn't anything that could shock him at this point.
They pass by a dojo. Izuku looks through the glass, seeing students in white keikogi taking up their stances before a teacher. He thinks he might recognise a student or two from the entrance exam, but he can't be certain.
But he does recognise the man in the back and that stops him dead in his tracks.
"Midoriya," Shinsou says. Izuku looks up. "You alright?"
He nods slowly. "Um, y-yeah. We just need to go in here right now."
Shinsou frowns. Then shrugs. "Fine."
He's in the dojo quickly. There's a counter which Izuku walks towards, hearing Shinsou huff as he trots to keep up.
Izuku smiles at the blonde teenager manning the counter. He wears the same white keikogi as the rest of the students, but he does have a black belt with one gold mark on one side and a blue notch next to it. None of that is anywhere near as interesting as the massive tail behind him.
"Hello," the blonde boy says. "Are you looking to sign up?" He glances first at Izuku then at Shinsou as he comes to stands beside Izuku.
"I-i-I just wanted to meet-talk to that guy over there." He points at Jin Mo-Ri who still hasn't noticed him.
The boy frowns. "He's busy at the moment."
"Please. I just haven't seen him in a while."
"You know him?"
"I don't think he'd be acting like this if he didn't?" Shinsou says. "Even an idiot could have guessed that."
"There's no reason to be rude," the blonde boy says.
"Just go—"
Izuku cuts Shinsou off by tugging at his wrist. He's not certain why he was about to use his quirk, but he does appreciate it.
"Thanks," he whispers and looks back to the blonde boy who's watching them warily. "Look, he helped me out a lot and I wanted to thank him. I wouldn't have gotten into UA without him."
The boy's eyes widen. "You're the kid who destroyed the zero-pointer."
Izuku ducks his head. "Ummm."
"That was an axe kick you used," the boy says. "It was Renewal Taekwondo, wasn't it? Did Master Mo-Ri train you?"
"Yeah," Izuku mumbles.
"Then why didn't you say so?" Izuku looks up to see the boy… not smiling but his face is less harsh. "My name's Mashirao Ojiro. It's a pleasure to meet you."
Izuku sees his extended hand, unsure of what to do.
Shinsou sighs and bumps Izuku with his shoulder. "You're supposed to shake it."
Izuku blinks. "Oh. S-sorry." He reaches out and shakes Ojiro's hand.
"You children are loud," a new voice says. Izuku startles and trips seeing Jin squatting on the counter. "What do you need? And who is this one? I do not want another student."
"Hitoshi SHinsou," his friend says first. "And I didn't want to come here."
Jin cocks his head. "Six months to find this place, Izuku. Slow."
He stares incredulously at his teacher. "How was I supposed to find this place? You told me you were busy when I messaged you."
"I was. You did not message again." Jin leans forward, falls a bit, and lands on the floor. "You would find me when you had need. You have need and you have found me. It is good to see you passed. Ojiro, take Izuku to free mat in the back. Spar. Use quirks. Have fun. Don't embarrass me."
Ojiro sighs and looks to Izuku. "Come on," he says.
Izuku looks to Jin. Sees him focused on Shinsou. Looks to Shinsou. Gets a nod in return.
He lets Ojiro lead him to the back absently, looking back and failing to hear the conversation Shinsou has with his former teacher. They reach the mat and Izuku takes off his tracksuit jacket.
"He can be overwhelming," Ojiro says, apologetic. "Please don't destroy the building with your quirk."
Izuku laughs nervously as he stretches his legs. "I won't. I'm still figuring everything out."
Ojiro nods and falls into a ready stance. Izuku frowns. It looks like a karate stance.
"You aren't using Renewal?"
Ojiro shakes his head solemnly. "That is reserved for strengthening quirks. Jin was not my primary teacher. He taught me to use my tail in combat but nothing more."
Izuku nods and slides into a stance.
When Ojiro moves it is much faster than Jin ever did when they sparred. His eyes strain to keep up with the punch the blonde throws and his block is nearly too slow. Ojiro kicks him in the side before he can recover.
His breath leaves him in a big whoosh. Izuku rolls with the blow, scrambling to get back in a stance. Ojiro is on him just as he's come to his feet, moving quickly and recklessly. Izuku kicks out thinking Ojiro has left an opening in his aggression.
A strong tail breaks the blow and Izuku barely has a moment to realise his mistake before he's punched in the face straight through his guard. He leans with the blow, arches his back, and contorts into a flip. His other foot hits Ojiro in the chin.
It is different fighting someone using their quirk. Ojiro is fast on his own but that tail makes him harder to predict—it lets Ojiro commit more offensively as it guards against Izuku's attacks easily, and when Izuku does get past Ojiro's guard he has to worry about the tail tripping him up. To make it worse, Ojiro uses it to abruptly shift directions.
He's scrambling back from another punch to the chest when he decides to use his quirk. He always produces shadow matter unconsciously now. With the bright lights of the dojo, it will be weak, and he's already lost a lot just from his concentration slipping but it should be enough.
When Ojiro comes at him again, Izuku flings his arms out to deflect Ojiro's punch. He steps back to dodge the tail strike and explodes forward, fist raised.
Ojiro is fast. He's already leaping back. Which is exactly what Izuku wants. Dark tendrils lash out from the ground and wrap around the boy's ankle, dragging him back. Ojiro's eyes widen at Izuku's incoming fist.
And then he twists rapidly, faster than Izuku can get a read on. His punch impacts something but in a moment, he feels a blow to his side. It disorientates him instants before a heavy weight brings him to the ground. He lands, hard, and isn't certain how his arm is twisted painfully behind him and a knee digs into his lower back.
"Y-yield," he yammers, tapping the mat.
Ojiro's weight disappears in an instant. Izuku stays down, breathing deeply until a hand enters his vision. He takes it gratefully and is in no way jealous at how easily Ojiro lifts him with one arm. The boy claps him on the shoulder.
"Good fight," he says, nodding to Izuku. "Two quirks?"
Izuku shakes his head, glad that his face is already flushed. "No. Same quirk. Different application." And that's the lie he's going with. "You're fast and that tail is a nightmare to fight."
Ojiro smiles. "And you have a few tricks. You should learn to fight with your quirk as well, not just with your fists. You're not really skilled in Taekwondo."
"He is skilled enough," Jin says beside them suddenly, "for only six months training. I do not remember you being considerably better."
Ojiro bows at the waist. "Forgive me, Master Jin."
"I hope you both learn something." He claps them both on the shoulder. "Go get your friend. And come again. Now, head home. Shower. You stink."
Izuku rolls his eyes and picks up his jacket on the floor, waving to Ojiro. He ties it around his waist instead of wearing it. Shinsou frowns uncertainly at him.
"He's odd," Shinsou says as they walk out the dojo.
"A tail isn't that odd."
Shinsou sighs. "Your teacher, Jin. He said he would train me."
Izuku smiles. "He's good at that."
"I thought you were his student."
"You know, I'm not sure exactly how it works. I think he's shown me everything I need to know right now." He tugs Shinsou's wrist and points. "I hear they have some great pork cutlets."
"But I don't—" He's cut off by Izuku's sharp glare. "Have any problem whatsoever with that."
Izuku laughs easily, surprised by just how much joy he takes in another person's presence. It reminds him of when his father was still around and Kaachan was his friend. His smile dies down. He takes a breath and puts it out of mind.
-TDB-
The night before school starts, Izuku double checks that everything is in his bag. Notebooks and stationary? Check. Gym clothes? Check. He knows everything is in there after the first three times, but it never hurt anyone to check things four times over. He sees his deck of cards on the nightstand and scrambles to shove them in before he can forget them. He'll definitely need those if the monsters lurking in his mind act up again.
He eats dinner with his mother. She has an easy smile on her face.
"I'm proud of you," she says for the nth time this week, so much so that it has become something of a ritual.
"I know. Do you remember that conversation we had about secrets?"
She huffs. "I take that back. Do I need medical supplies?"
"It isn't that kind of secret. Do you remember how I was training before I found my Quirk?" She nods. "That's because I found a teacher."
"I know you found a teacher," she says, startling Izuku. "You're smart but you've never picked up any weights before. You would have had a lot more training injuries if you were doing it by yourself."
"You never said anything."
She shrugs. "And say what? That I'm upset you're getting fitter? There are some things a mother shouldn't interfere in, especially when it isn't hurting you. I raised you to be a good kid."
He flushes. "I never told you who was training me. And that was a lie. Honestly, I wasn't ready to tell you until last week."
"I forgive you. It's not like you're going to tell me it's All Might training you," she says with a laugh.
Izuku looks up, scarlet all the way through his face and mortified. "Ummm… I-it's funny you m-mention that."
His mother looks up, almost as if praying for strength. "Explain."
And so, he does. He doesn't tell her everything for some secrets are not his to say. Not once does he mention the name 'Toshinori Yagi' nor does he speak of his weakened form. He explains the nature of One For All—and it absolutely terrifies his mother of what might happen when his quirk and his hero's strengthening quirk mix, and even whilst he brushes it off he has the same worries—and how strong he needed to be to wield it without his body breaking from its power.
"I can understand why you kept this from me," she says after he falls silent. "But I am disappointed you waited until now to tell me."
He laughs nervously. "It kinda slipped my mind." He winces at how weak the excuse sounds.
"All Might has many enemies, Izuku."
"No one's going to associate shadows with One For All."
"But villains will recognise that strength. It doesn't matter if they don't know about One For All. Any hero who becomes that strong will have enemies." She shakes her head. "I'm worried you didn't know everything when you made that deal."
"I did."
Did you really? The voice asks.
"You're still young, Izuku. You don't know how the real world works."
He rolls his eyes. "I've seen monsters, Kaa-san, and they don't scare me."
"They should. You've never seen humans acting monstrously." That stops his reply. "You've read about statistics, but you've never seen people disregard basic human decency. You weren't there for the anti-quirk riots twenty years ago. You've never seen neighbours turn on each other so quickly. You've never seen the police arrest the wrong people and brutalise them. You've never seen a riot turn violent."
He feels small in his seat but not small enough. He's never seen his mother this bitter in his entire life and the scathing heat is completely new to him.
"I remember watching Taiwan sink and everyone there drown. One person's rage did that. The world isn't as cut and dry as you think it is." She smiles gently now. "You're young and it's good that despite what you've seen, you can still believe life can be separated into humans and monsters, heroes and villains. But the world isn't like that. You're my son, and I hope you're ready when you learn."
He goes to his bedroom, troubled. Was it really naïve to see the world like that? Good people chose to be heroes and whilst he knew they made mistakes and weren't perfect, didn't the fact that they tried make them good? And villains were evil. That's all there was to it. Sure, theft wasn't as bad as armed robbery which wasn't as bad as murder but those were all simply different shades of evil.
But you're a monster, the voice whispers. Aren't all monsters villains?
"Shut up and don't you dare say another word."
Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same.
His body trembles. He can make out monsters lurking in the dark, always on the edge of escaping the dark below. They watch him, ceaselessly. He can forget more often than not. Right now, he finds it difficult to do so.
"Just keep quiet. Please."
Izuku reaches for the knife he keeps hidden away in his drawer.
You cursed me with knowledge. But I remember the secrets. Why is life, shadowshield?
"Don't. Please don't."
There is no meaning but in death. And you are—
He stabs the knife through his hand. The blade parts flesh easily and the pain makes him want to scream. He groans, gritting his teeth. He breathes faster and faster as he looks at the knife and the blood.
But the voice is gone.
He knows how to clean and bandage injuries. But there are methods to heal it that won't take nearly as long as waiting for it naturally. He looks to his shoulder where a long cut from one of the thread-creatures should have left him incapacitated for a few weeks. Instead, it had healed quickly.
Izuku delves into the abyss with ease. He lets his blood drip on the ground, uncaring of the monsters a scent as heady as fresh life carries. And whatever is foolish enough to attack him dies to shadows. The continental eye is almost a physical constant and stays in the same place. Izuku dives into it and lets the ocular fluid heal his wound rapidly. It scars but not everything heals perfectly.
He barely sleeps that night. When Shinsou sees him at the train, the boy is kind enough not to point out that his eyes are bloodshot. Nor does he bother Izuku when he falls asleep. He is kind enough to wake Izuku up just before their stop. They talk a bit as they walk the rest of the way to UA but Izuku just doesn't have it in him.
"Will you be alright?" Shinsou asks before they split off.
The simple fact that Shinsou doesn't ask what's wrong or even assume he has a right to know makes Izuku smile. "Spent too long thinking last night."
Shinsou nods tiredly, as always. He walks towards the general education building in the opposite direction of the Heroics building. Izuku clenches his fist at the division, wondering how many people who could be amazing heroes in their own right are being ignored simply because their quirk didn't let them destroy robots.
"It's not right."
There's something hot and burning in his chest and it feels like he's choking beneath the weight of the emotion. It isn't shame for he knows that flavour of heat. Nor is it even anger—he felt that much too often every birthday his father never came back, and he can never forget it. This is something more intense and all-consuming.
"Midoriya," a solemn voice calls out.
Izuku turns and sees Ojiro. The boy freezes, looking at Iuzku warily. It takes him a moment to realise he's projecting his feelings at Ojiro. And that isn't fair. He takes a breath and lets the feeling pass away.
"S-sorry," he says and tries to smile. It comes out as a grimace and he decides to give up on it. "Just a bit cranky. Didn't get enough sleep."
"Nerves. I understand."
No, you don't, Izuku thinks but doesn't say as Ojiro leads him to their class. Surprisingly, the boy has an excellent sense of direction—something Izuku never really bothered with. The doors to their class are as massive as everything else in UA is. It makes him wonder again if it is simply to make a statement or if its because they've had students and teachers that large before.
The class is mostly full already. He recognises Kaachan's voice immediately even if Ojiro's broad shoulders stop him from seeing much. The other voice is familiar and when he catches a flash of blue hair he realises it's the boy who called him out in front of the crowd during the exam.
"Too loud," Ojiro says as he enters, somehow finding his seat immediately.
The eclectic mix of people bewilders him, though he pauses on the purple-skinned girl and the bird—crow, he thinks—person. Not because their mutations were particularly odd, but he's read enough about quirk relations not to assume they would want to be called either 'person' or 'mutant'.
"You," a blue-haired boy says loudly, pointing at Izuku even as he stalks over.
Izuku steps back automatically as the boy approaches. "Hi," he says meekly, trying his best to ignore all the eyes now watching him. "I-ida right?"
"Yes. I'm from S—"
He is stopped from continuing his explanation by another voice. "Hey, it's the plain looking boy."
Izuku spins and sees the girl who argued so strongly for him. He flushes as she says, "All Might said you'd pass."
"W-w-what?"
"Who are—"
"Go somewhere else if you want to make friends," a quiet voice says but somehow it seems louder than everyone else. "This is the Heroics course, not a play centre."
Behind the girl, he can see a yellow caterpillar with the face of a homeless man. Izuku blinks as the rest of the class falls silent. That, at least, was confirmation that everyone else could see this as well. This is by no stretch the oddest thing Izuku's seen and since it doesn't seem malevolent he isn't particularly afraid.
The caterpillar grows an arm and Izuku watches incredulous as it brings a drink to its mouth. "This is the heroics course," it says before standing upright.
Izuku blinks again as it unzips its skin and a man-shaped creature in all black but for the pile of bandages on its shoulders steps out.
"It took you seven seconds before you were silent," it says, dropping its yellow shell. "Time is limited. You kids are not rational enough. I'm your homeroom teacher, Shouta Aizawa."
Huh? The voice in his head says, almost sounding as confused as Izuku.
"I know this is sudden but put this on and meet me at the field." He removes a UA gym uniform from somewhere. And drops it on the ground. "If you're late I'm expelling you."
"What!"
The teacher stares at the student, a red-haired boy with hair that looks like he spends three hours every morning on it. "This is UA," Aizawa says as if that answers everything. "You have fifteen minutes."
He walks out, leaving the class in silence. They look at each other, confused. And then, "I don't want to be expelled."
Pack mentality takes over and they sprint out the door. The blue-haired boy leads the pack to the to the locker room. It is a bit of a mad scramble to change and be out on the field in the short time they have. Izuku nearly gets there last if not for Ojiro prodding him and helping him to find his other shoe which he lost beneath a bench.
Their homeroom teacher waits on the field for them. He says nothing until the last straggler joins the group.
"Thirteen minutes," he says and picks a ball up from the floor. "Acceptable. We'll cut it down to five minutes by the end of the term if you manage not to get expelled."
He throws the ball to Kaachan who catches it easily. Though his rage spikes, he is smart enough not to say anything.
"UA gives its teachers freedom in how they operate," he explains. "If I find you wanting I will expel you. I expelled the entirety of 1-A two years ago because they lacked any potential to be heroes. I will not hesitate to expel any of you."
The group falls deathly still. "Good. You understand the stakes. Before you took national fitness tests without your quirks. Restricting you with such inane rules is illogical if you wish to be a hero. You. Throw that ball as far as you can. So long as you stay in the circle then I do not care what you do."
Kacchan scoffs and walks up to the circle. The waft of smoke reaches Izuku and he knows Kacchan is excited. He winds his arm up and a moment before it leaves his hand he activates his quirk. The explosion is smaller and more tightly controlled than the ones he usually uses.
"Eight hundred meters flat," Aizawa says once the ball has landed. "Know your limits first and then grow strong. That is the only way to advance as a hero. UA will beat every weakness out of you. If you don't have the potential, then you'll get booted out. This is no place to make friends if that was your hope. Oh, and whoever comes last gets expelled."
-TDB-
Izuku wonders exactly how close he is to expulsion. He probably isn't last because his 50m dash sprint was sub-seven seconds and he thanks his luck that Jin Mo-Ri emphasised speed over strength when they were together. It was why he did hill sprints more than endurance running.
But very test outside of that had been an absolute disaster. His long jump had been pathetic, and his standing jump was only acceptable of there being students less fit than him with quirks that didn't help them much. And he was not certain if performance mattered as much as ranking per test because the latter meant he might very well be in last place overall.
They're inside now doing the grip strength test. He stands near Ojiro but much of his focus is on the boy with a bird's head. His quirk, from what Iuzku could tell, involved a creature connected to his body coloured black and purple. It almost looks like a multitude of threads giving it its elasticity. He watches it squeeze down on the grip metre.
It can't be, he thinks but knows it is.
"Why don't you use your tail?" he asks Ojiro before the bird-boy can catch him staring.
"Too large," he says and shows Izuku how he can only barely fit the tip in the space. "Why don't you use your strengthening quirk?"
"Because I don't want to break my hand."
"You have another quirk," Ojiro reminds him.
Izuku opens his mouth to reply. Closes it. Realises he isn't anywhere near as smart as he thinks he is. He calls the tendrils of shadow matter that he makes in the back of his mind during the day and lets them twine between his fingers and around the metre grip. Then he squeezes and bids them do the same. The metre chimes and reads a cool eighty-four kilograms.
He looks to Ojiro. "I have no idea if that's good," he says because the dark tendrils are already fading, and it'll take him well after the tests are over to generate more.
"I had ninety, so I believe so." Ojiro tilts his head. "How do your shadows work?"
"I c-can draw them, I guess, from my actual shadow." He points to it. "Just has to have enough contrast with the environment or it stops working."
"That seems like an arbitrary power limit."
Izuku shrugs. "Who knows. Maybe there's someone writing my story and they suck at being internally consistent with their rules."
Ojiro chuckles. "A bad author indeed."
The last test they have is the ball throw. He watches as others get ridiculous distances and the girl who argued for him even gets an infinity which he knows isn't true. He's seen infinity or at least interacted with creatures that found the concept wanting. That ball will disintegrate long before that.
He takes a deep breath, knowing he needs at least one amazing result to secure a spot. He tosses the ball to get a feel of its weight, ignoring whatever it is that Kaachan is saying with the rest of the students. Right now, all the matters is passing.
The power All Might gifted him feels different from his innate quirk. That feels like walking into a dark room with no assurance that the monsters weren't after you. One For All is like a live wire carrying all of Japan's electricity. It is terrifying to grasp because there is just so much power that his body can't handle.
And yet he has no other real option if he wants to continue his education. He isn't ready to explain to either his mother or All Might his failure.
He grasps the live wire with his mind and feels power absolute and uncontrollable fill his arm. He winds his hand back and throws with every ounce of power he has. Izuku watches it sail forward.
And land.
"Forty-six metres," the machine shouts.
His shock lasts half a moment. Then it hits him at once. The shadows are gone. He can't feel them anymore. He thinks he understands what its like to be blinded but somehow this feels so much worse. Something so fundamental to his very being has just been torn away and the lack of it is like a hot iron down his spine. And that has nothing to the pain at the base of his spine.
All of this he feels in a single moment.
"I erased your quirk."
He turns unsteadily to face his teacher. The man's hair is up and the bandages floating wildly, revealing a pair of goggles. The man says something but the pain in Izuku's head makes it almost impossible to focus on his words.
"Stop," Izuku says weakly.
Aizawa scoffs. "You can't even take the slightest hint of criticism. The exam should have weeded you out immediately."
Izuku coughs as Aizawa continues. He sees blood on his hand and looks at it until a new spike of pain hits his head. "Your quirk," he groans before he collapses to his knees.
His senses come rushing back and much of the pain disappears. The voice in his head returns with a roar and Izuku only now realises that it had completely disappeared.
He hears footsteps but more importantly, he feels the shadow of the person approaching. A hand on his shoulder shakes him.
"I'm fine," he mumbles, not hearing what they're saying. "Give me a moment."
Sound returns slower. He looks up and sees Aizawa above him, looking almost concerned. "What just happened?" the man asks then glares at Ojiro who tries to approach.
Izuku wipes the blood from his nose. "I-I don't know," he says. "No one's ever done that to me."
Something like guilt flashes across Aizawa's face. "Let's get you to the nurse." Aizawa looks around. "Tokoyami, take him to the nurse."
"I can take him," Ojiro says.
There is nothing like sympathy in Aizawa's face. "Silence. You haven't completed the test." The stops his maybe-friend from approaching.
Izuku coughs, still in pain. "I haven't finished my test."
"And I'll expel you if you try anything so stupid."
"Pain brings clarity, Eraserhead." The man startles. "The goggles gave it away. If I can't do something as simple as throwing a ball, then I don't deserve to be a hero."
Izuku stands and wonders how crazy he looks glaring at his teacher. But he's become used to it at this point.
"And what will you do? Break your arm the same way you did to your leg in the exam. You aren't going to be able to save anyone like that. You barely know how to control your quirk."
He forces a grin. "Maybe not but I still think I have a right to try."
Aizawa scoffs. "If you break your arm don't come back tomorrow. If you come last in this test, then clean out your locker."
Izuku nods. He looks to Kacchan who seems to be more interested than anything else. And picks the ball up again.
Losing an entire sense had been horrible. But he still had five other senses to use. And that experience gave him an idea. One that might have been reckless. But he was already facing expulsion.
The live wire is there and waiting. He lets the power flow through his arm and concentrates in his finger. When he throws the ball, he takes extra care to let his finger be the last thing to touch the ball. And then he releases his power in one explosive burst.
His finger breaks instantly. But that pain means nothing as he watches the ball soar through the air.
"Deku!" he hears Kaachan roar, explosions already going off.
He turns back and sees his friend stalking forward, his rage apocalyptic. It terrifies him. And then ropes wrap around Kacchan. The bandages pull him closer to Aizawa who's anger is frigid.
"Violence against a classmate will result in expulsion." He looks to the bird-boy. "I told you to take him to the nurse."
Oh, that's Tokkoyami.
Tokoyami watches him apathetically. Izuku waves to Ojiro and Uraraka as they walk past them. The moment they are out of sight, Izuku stumbles. Tokoyami catches him.
"Thanks," he whispers and extracts himself from the boy's grip.
"It would be remiss of me to let you obtain more injuries. Your condition has worsened."
Izuku shakes his head. "No. I was just acting like I wasn't in pain."
Tokoyami looks at him as if he's grown another head. "Behaviour like that is dangerous. To yourself and others."
"I didn't have much of a choice," he says and follows behind Tokoyami. "I used up my shadows during the grip test."
It is a risk to tell someone he's never had a conversation with all of this. But the boy's quirk is driving him almost insane. Because the boy's quirk reminds him of the creatures from the floating forest. And he needs to know how that's possible.
"Shadows?" Tokoyami asks, curiosity lacing his voice.
"Yeah. They don't like the light so much, so I did what I could."
"…I see. And you've always used shadows?"
Izuku smiles. Good. The boy was just as interested in him. "Well not all of us have easy to control quirks like yours."
Tokoyami tenses and whatever rapport Izuku had built dies up instantly.
"You should not make light of what you know nothing of." The words are harsh, scathing. "Do not think yourself the first to try and obtain information on my quirk."
"I-I'm not—"
The boy whips around so he can glare at Izuku. The force of it freezes him in place. "Do not take me for a fool. Now, come. I've wasted enough of my time."
I keep the secrets, the voice snarls. I tell the lies.
Izuku sighs and they walk in the tense silence. Tokoyami doesn't so much as glance back when they reach the nurse's office.
"I assume you capable of opening the door," the boy says before leaving. His steps are even and measured but they somehow are louder than an earthquake.
-TDB-
Shouta Aizawa worries about many things. Everyone sees his behaviour and assumes him indifferent. The media sees him rarely, so they make little mention of his hero alias. To the world, he is simply an unkempt man with little interest in being a teacher who might be a pro-hero. All these things are true. None of which is completely true.
He spends time in his sleeping bag because he understands the importance of sleeping whenever possible. The nights are never long enough to mark work, plan out lessons, and act as a hero. He may not patrol and search for petty villains like Kamui Woods or Mt. Lady do as he has long since grown out of such simple habits. Instead, he investigates and gathers intelligence on the many gangs and crime rings who are the actual threats, not a sludge villain who takes up the media spotlight. His students don't know, and he will forever be happy if they never know the threats he shields them from. Principal Nezu knows though very little is unknown to his superior and Hizashi knows because he refuses to allow Shouta to ever be alone.
But that is secondary to his role as a teacher. The greatest offence against villains is to train the children under his care to be successful heroes. And part of that duty is protecting them from themselves. It was why he expelled the entirety of the class two years ago. It wasn't that their quirks weren't strong—the boy with the unravelling quirk could have become an amazing underground hero and the girl who controlled the wind itself could very well have become a top tier hero in a few years—but they lacked the necessary mentality to achieve greatness. They lacked the burning drive to become great. And the few who did toed the class line because of peer pressure.
It was why he argues, every year without fail, that the exam needed to be changed. He is thankful that the panel of judges consider more than just how easily you can break a robot but still disappointed that it is the primary factor. There is no test, or even an interview, to observe the thought process of a student.
Students like Katsuki Bakugou who's quirk was unbelievably powerful, but his temperament would be a continual challenge for Shouta to deal with as the year progressed. He can't decide if the boy has a greater or lower likelihood of his fellow middle school graduate, Izuku Midoriya.
That boy worries Shouta. His quirk, shadowshield as the records show, is versatile. He remembers watching the boy call shadows to aid him in the grip test. But he also remembers the state the boy was in after the entrance exam. Showing signs of both emitter and strengthening characteristics, the boy should have been a clear candidate for top student. But he is painfully shy and terrified, and the strengthening portion of the quirk left him incapacitated. Any hero like that would be a liability to their team.
It was why he erased the boy's quirk. In hindsight, Shouta realises he should have understood why the boy asked him to stop. Instead, he continued to berate him, not realising Midoriya was injured. That guilt, alongside the fact that Midoriya recognised him for who he was, was the only reason he let him attempt the test—he doesn't acknowledge the almost primal fear the boy's bloody smile inspired.
And the results had been stunning.
But now he must deal with the consequences of that. And maybe piece together why Tokoyami had returned to class furious. He sighs when he reaches Recovery Girl's office after he has rid himself of the children. These students were already proving to be a nightmare on the first day.
Chiyo sits behind a desk that lets her look over most of the beds in the office. He would know. She had caught him trying to escape more than once as a student.
She looks up. And does not smile. That is when he realises he may have made more than a little mistake.
"Less than two hours and you injure a student. You could very well have killed the boy." Shouta refuses to wince. "I may respect you, Shouta, but your actions can be taken as harmful negligence at best."
He blinks, the only sign of worry that he permits. Negligence, especially the harmful variety, wasn't anything a hero ever wanted to have on their record and Nezu might very well fire him for it.
"There was no reason to assume erasing his quirk would cause that reaction." And they both know that. "It has never happened before."
Chiyo sighs and slides the file she was reading to him. It's Midoriya's quirk summary and he skims over it.
"Students aren't required to officially register their quirk or submit to testing," she says as he reads. "Shadowshield. A bit pretentious but not the worst. Claims to be a hidden quirk that appeared in the last year. Emitter properties from the shadows and strengthening properties that show no correlation. In essence, he's got a grab-bag quirk. And I'm almost certain he has some form of temporary mutation tied to his quirk."
He sets the file down. "Why?"
"Without going through a full assessment this is only conjecture, but he describes feeling blinded when his quirk was erased before the pain started." Aizawa frowns, confused. "He can feel shadows in a certain radius in addition to his regular senses. Which will also have to be amended in his file. From what I can tell, that sense might be directly tied to his nerves."
"Which explains the nosebleed."
"But not the internal bleeding." Shouta frowns. "Or the broken finger. Without a full quirk assessment, we can't be certain of why he reacted the way he did."
"Then we'll request one. We have valid reasons to do so." And more importantly, with one he would know exactly how far he could push his student. "We just need his parent's consent."
She looks at her screen. "Yes. His parents."
Shouta frown deepens, immediately worried. "What's the issue with them."
"Father isn't in the picture. Nothing special but it is his life with his mother that I'm worried about. She didn't send him to a quirk counsellor when his quirk manifested."
He sees where she's going with this. "And hidden quirks invariably manifest under traumatic circumstances."
"So, you think that she's abusive?" It wouldn't be the first time that something like this had happened. It wouldn't be the last.
"I only have conjecture but look at this." She turns the screen. "I took these when I was checking for other injuries. I'll have to keep them off school servers since I didn't technically get his consent. What stands out to you?"
It's a picture of Midoriya shirtless. He has a few bruises on his torso like those from internal bleeding. It pisses him off that he hurt his student so easily without a single thought. His face has been cleaned up and is no longer bloody. Shouta sees a wide scar on the boy's right shoulder. And then he sees the long scar on the boy's left forearm.
"Fuck," he says.
"My thoughts exactly. He was terrified and skittish around me. He flinched when I reached to check his pupillary response. And he very nearly bolted when I asked him to take off his shirt."
Shouta closes his eyes. Takes a deep breath. Opens his eyes.
"If she is abusive then she'll have no reason to sign the consent form. And if it's bad enough that he resorted to suicide then we need to get him out of that household."
"Legally there isn't much we can do without him coming forward. That rarely happens as you well know. If he doesn't feel there is safety with us we can do very little except encourage him in the time we have with him." Chiyo opens a drawer and pulls out another form. "Give it to him. Hopefully, the mother isn't a problem and it had something to do with his old school."
Shouta takes the form and nods to Chiyo. It isn't even lunch time and these students are already giving him more trouble than most.
At the door he pauses. "Pain brings clarity."
"Hm?"
"He said that to me. He was quoting the 'Tenets of Combat.'"
"Oh, that little book you wrote. It was a bit pretentious for you to think you knew everything back then."
"That's not the point. The point is that he said that after I used my quirk on him. Any other student should have been crying in pain. He just went on to break his finger."
"And you let him?"
"He was determined to prove himself." Shouta sighs. "That's the kind of excuse I hate. I'm abdicating all responsibility for my actions, aren't I?"
Chiyo huffs. "So long as you know you can improve. Now go, I have other things to do."
He doesn't ask what. Shouta knows that she has to deal with the health of every student on campus, and she has to approve very much of the training regiments and trips the school implements. She has to constantly monitor how the student's quirks changed, improved, or degraded over time in addition to her role as a general counsellor.
Shouta did not envy her workload but he does respect it. He walks through the UA halls, greeting a few of the older students he taught. Going to the teacher's lounge isn't an option since he'll have to either deal with All Might who irritates him on principle or Hizashi who will pry until he reveals everything. And while he will never admit how deeply he cherishes their friendship, the man is painfully unsubtle.
He turns a corner and sees Midoriya two second before they collide. Whilst he could dodge out of the way very easily, it lets him see how the boy reacts. Almost instinctively, and despite the book his eyes are glued to, Midoriya pivots and sidesteps looking startled all the while. His book, though, goes flying. Shouta catches it.
Midoriya looks up and flinches back at Shouta's gaze. "A-aizawa-sensei," he greets warily.
He looks at the cover of the book. "Tenets of Combat," he reads out loud, feeling cold finger of dread run down his back, before extending it to Midoriya. The boy takes it cautiously, almost as if he's stealing from a viper.
"Sorry," the boy mutters, looking down.
"For what?"
Midoriya tenses. "Nearly bumping into you."
"You didn't so don't waste your time apologising. Wasting energy over something trivial is illogical."
"Yes, sensei."
Almost certain he's making things worse but with no other common connection, Aizawa asks, "What do you think of the book?"
Midoriya looks up and the first hints of excitement show. "The writer seems pretty experienced and knows what they're talking about. I'm not sure why it isn't a standard text."
Shouta very nearly smiles. It's a close thing. "UA doesn't utilise texts without authors for first years. Quirk philosophy is a third-year elective and it sometimes covers that."
Midoriya's eyes widen. "Does it cover—"
"Ononoki and Ando and Salvatore and every other big name."
The boy grins. When it isn't bloody or determined, his smile seems to light up the whole world. "I've read them all. Well, not all of them or everything they've written since there's no time, but I try to get through a few every other month except…"
Shouta lets the boy ramble. It's surprising. He never expected a student to have more than a passing interest but Midoriya casually says things that belie a depth of knowledge on the subject.
"And my mother gave me," he says, then blinks. The excitement vanishes. "Sorry, I was rambling."
Aizawa wants to sigh and shake the boy until he spills every secret he has. Instead, he hands Izuku the form.
"What's this?"
"Quirk assessment form." The boy freezes. "We'll need your mother's consent."
Midoriya swallows and looks away. "I-is this really necessary?"
"Yes. If you're still learning to use your quirk then an assessment is a useful indicator of your limits."
The boy's smile dies. It doesn't vanish but whatever warmth it had leaves, and the hallway feels colder for it.
"Yes, sensei," he whispers. "Can I go now?"
Shouta lets him. Watching the hunched back of the boy, it makes him wonder just how bad his life at home is. Then he remembers that long and winding scar. The day hasn't even ended, and he already feels like he has failed his students.
"This is going to be a long year."
-TDB-
Izuku walks to the train station with Iida, Uraraka and a red-haired boy he's learnt is called Kirishima. Iida, he finds, is strict and formal in a way that is equal parts endearing as it is hilarious. And Uraraka is an eternal fount of optimism but her sense of humour is distinct as she encourages Iida, and snickers when he isn't looking.
Kirishima is odd. And not just for the hair which Izuku can't decide if it's dyed or not. Then again, his hair is shades of green, so it is a bit hypocritical to judge the boy.
"I can't believe how manly you were," the boy says, grinning. He has sharp teeth and Izuku wonders how often he bites through his lips and tongue. "You just broke your finger like it was nothing."
Izuku flushes. "It wasn't manly."
"No, it was reckless and foolhardy," Iida says, though it comes off more like a shout. "Intentionally harming yourself is never the right answer."
"Oh, come on, he had to pass," Kirishima argues, "otherwise he would have been expelled. What's a broken finger compared to being expelled on the first day? Uraraka, you agree with me, right?"
She smiles brightly. "I don't know. I think Iida has a point."
Her smile turns just the slightest bit gleeful as Iida points at Kirishima. "Your harmful mentality will not corrupt other students."
He lets them argue and raises a brow at Uraraka. "Was that necessary?"
She cocks her head, confused. "Was what necessary?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"Nope. I have no clue."
He shakes his head and lets the conversation go on without him. Their voices are pleasant in a weird sort of way. And their casual acceptance of him is something that he is still unused to. He looks up when they fall silent. The three of them stare at him.
"What?"
Uraraka answers. "We were just wondering why you got so hurt during the assessment."
Izuku smiles. It isn't particularly honest. "Oh that, I just—hey, is that Shinsou? Shinsou!" He ignores them and trots over to his friend who looks just as bewildered as the group trailing behind him. "Shinsou were you avoiding me? Whatever. Anyway, say hi to everyone."
He lets them make introductions, glad he doesn't have to answer that question. Because even he isn't too sure why exactly having his quirk erased hurt his body so much. Either way, he steers the conversation towards their classes and the heroes teaching them. He learns, to his surprise, that Shinsou is a fan of Present Mic. And Uraraka punches Kirishima in the arm when he claims Midnight as his favourite teacher so far.
Iida and Uraraka get off first, both needing to take another train in a different direction. And Kirishima leaves them whilst they're downtown because he has some shopping he needs to do.
"You made friends," Shinsou says. "Did you force them to take your number?"
Izuku flushes. "I don't know if we're friends. And no."
"I'm surprised you introduced us."
"Why? You're a friend. They're nice. I like them. No reason not to introduce you. Then we can all be friends."
Shinsou laughs, suddenly. "Izuku, I think your definition of friend is a bit different from everyone else?"
He scratches the back of his head, confused. "People who talk and like each other? I'm a bit new at it. Really, you and Ojiro were the first friends I had in a while."
"Midoriya, it's almost like you find someone, smile at them and decide 'Oh, I like you' and keep them. That's not how it works."
"I don't do that." Friends will betray you. "And even if I do, it's working."
That makes Shinsou snicker once more. "Sure, whatever you say."
Izuku stares at his friend, not sure of what exactly is so funny. But he accepts it with a shrug and has mostly forgotten about it by the time he gets home. His mother isn't home yet so he gets started with making dinner. She takes over when she arrives and Izuku does his homework whilst he waits.
They sit in front of the TV, watching some drama or other that his mother enjoys. It may be childish, but he rests his head on her lap. Her fingers run through his hair. This isn't the first time they have done this, and it usually follows a particularly bad encounter in the abyss.
Her movements change, becoming more coordinated. "Kass-san, are you braiding my hair?"
She hums. "Maybe."
Izuku sighs. There are infinitely worse things she could be doing. "My teacher wants you to sign off on a quirk assessment."
Her hands still for a moment before she resumes what she is doing. "I thought you didn't want to have one."
"I didn't."
"And you do, now. What changed?"
He closes his eyes. "One of my teachers can erase quirks. When he used it on me… well, let's say it wasn't the worst state I've been in."
"You know I've wanted you to go for one since the first day. But I'm not sure if you should just because you feel forced to."
He considers her words. "Okay."
A/N:
I've found my new favourite way of denoting breaks. I'll get round to changing the earlier chapters to stay consistent but right now my wrists hurt and they haven't stopped hurting for a week.
Aside from me gripping, that's all from me for now. Thank you for reading this. If you enjoyed the story leave a favourite and if you have any questions just drop a review. But know all of that is unnecessary, and as always your readership is quite enough for me. Cheers.