"Come quietly." She chewed in the inside of her lip. She could run, she thought. She could just kill him, she considered. But instead, she stepped away from her doorway calmly, closing the door shut behind her like she had done a thousand times before. She looked at him in the eyes, holding onto his gaze tightly before she stepped beside him. Looked at him with a look that could kill a thousand men, looked at him like she could take down their entire court if she wanted to.
"Okay," she said. The only sign of surprise of her compliance was that he blinked. Like the prisoner she was, she followed him closely, walking through the dirty streets and the passing citizens. None of the citizens said anything, and there was nothing on their faces that revealed what she had done for them, but their eyes traced her movements carefully. Even Maddox, as she passed their clinic, didn't say a word. But she saw how Maddox's hand clenched the doorway tightly, her eyes not moving off of Leon's body. Quiet, compliant, invisible to the Night Court as she was ripped away from all of them.
But these were her people. She would not let them beg for her. She would not let them fall on their knees for her. She would not let them be the sacrifice that Tobias and Leon so dearly wanted. And they knew that.
It wasn't until they made it to the exit of the Hewn City did Jameson see her. He must've been running because by the time he reached her, he was drenched with sweat. He walked to them silkily though, giving Leon a playful smirk. Quickly, Leon grabbed Selene's hand and pushed her behind him. He hadn't noticed, though, that she had ripped away the minute he touched her.
"Why am I not surprised that your worthless ass is still alive?" A part of Selene's body electrified. Her eyes widened a bit, her fingers clenched as she forced herself to stay calm. To pretend that she didn't care. To pretend that Leon was even half the man that Jameson was.
But there was no need to because Jameson was at her side. Inches, inches away from her. Though he didn't dare look at her, his fingers were teasing the weapon that she knew hid underneath his jacket. Weighing the options, considering the possibilities of how this could end. But they both knew that this could only end in one way.
"I see you're taking the High Whore away," Jameson said, flashing her a twisted smile. She remained emotionless. "What a shame. She was fun to play with. Weren't you, Lady Selene?" Leon's face turned red and he took a jagged step towards him. But even if he had a healthy leg, he didn't stand a chance against Jameson. He didn't deserve to stand a chance.
"Do you want me to tell the High Lord that you've been mistreating your Lady this entire time?" Leon spat at him. "Saying such filth to her." Empty words. It was just pure anger now, pure spite that Leon even bothered to reply. He was about to turn away, but Jameson scoffed loudly.
"Sure, but make sure to remind him that he let it happen for eighteen months." Leon flinched. She looked at Jameson sharply, begging him to walk away, but his face was icily cold. He knew that Leon would never let her stay, that Tobias would never let her come back. But he wasn't going to let her leave without looking at her one last time. And he sure as hell wasn't going to stop himself from sharing a word with Leon.
"I hope you die in this hell hole," Leon said. Selene wasn't even able to whisper goodbye before Leon pulled her through the exit.
~*~ discidium ~*~
It was like walking into a memory. Nothing had changed - not a single thing. The furniture was still placed at the same exact angle from the table ornament and her old tea set was still scattered on the coffee table. The stain that had been made on the wall of the morning of her departure could be seen faintly. The closet was still cracked open, the corner of the rug was still flipped over. She had forgotten about the little things that showed the imperfections in the palace, like the crooked couch and the chipped vase. But the air was stuffier than usual. There was a slight smell of mustiness in the air and the blinds, she saw, hadn't been dusted.
Nobody had walked into the living room since she left. Not even to clean. And though nothing had changed, not a damn thing, she felt contaminated. Gross. Because this couldn't be the same place she once lived - she once saw this as a sanctuary, but she felt like she was in hell. Her bones were tingling for her to run, run away and don't stop until she was miles and miles away. That she wasn't supposed to be here, that her, standing in this palace, looking into this living room, was wrong. She should be in her two-bedroom apartment, preparing remedies, honoring her people. Not being trapped into a palace like an animal who had to be tamed. She was disgusted, disgusted by all of it. She didn't think she could take an extra step.
"Selene." Her body tightened. She knew that voice, she had nightmares about that voice. The thick, sour voice that had demanded so much of her, yet said her name like she was a pure angel that was lucky to step foot into his home. Like she was his godly heavens that he rightfully deserved. A voice that almost sounded unreal and, to some extent, an old figment of her imagination.
She turned. He was strikingly handsome - she wouldn't deny that. He still looked breathtaking, and she still felt an exhilaration when she saw him. But now she was smart enough to feel terror as well. She was smart enough to know that their relationship was only a facade to fulfill his inner desires, and nothing else. None of it was real. And she couldn't trust him. Never again.
"You look…" Her hair was still in tight braids and her make-up was yet to be washed off. But she was sure that those weren't reason that he stumbled. She walked differently, she breathed differently, she was different than what he remembered. And she was eight-months pregnant with his child.
"Your cheekbones," he whispered. "They're different. More defined, almost…" His eyes were going up and down her slowly, taking in every inch. Every body part. As if he never longed for anyone else in her absence. As if there was a chance that she would reciprocate his desires.
"I missed you," he breathed, closing in the gap between them. "I've missed you so-" He reached for her and just as his fingers touched her face, she, without thinking, shoved him. Those hands…his hands that had so much blood and torture on them. That had forced children to slaughter innocent people just so that he could fill up his military. Who would send a general into the Hewn City just to torture innocent citizens - and who denied a whole population the right to have a healer.
He jolted back, the lines on his face deepening as he tipped back. She didn't even consider apologizing. Instead she continued to stare - at his hands, at his large, sparkly-clean hands.
She didn't know how many seconds passed between them. She only knew that she was there, trapped in his living room, trapped with a pure monster, and she would rather die than be there again. But her hands went to her baby bump, as if to protect him from the cruel man in front of her. As if to remind herself that she couldn't die. Not with him in her still, at least.
"I didn't think that you may have some…adjustment issues after being in the Court of Nightmares for so long," Tobias said, after he realized that she wasn't going to speak. Sure, blame it on the Hewn City, blame it on the innocent prisoners, she wanted to say. He refused to look at her. "I would like a dinner between ourselves, but I think we all need a family-dinner to catch up on things. In thirty minutes or so, there'll be food on the table." She was quiet for a moment, digesting his words. But then she nodded.
"Alright," she said. Her voice was quiet, but also stern. Cold as steel. "In the meantime, I'll go ahead and go upstairs. I need to wash up." She went around him swiftly, not even looking at him as she walked away.
"Wait, I want to talk to you about-"
"We'll have all the time to talk about it during dinner, Tobias."
~*~ discidium ~*~
She had moved all of her clothes to one of the many guest rooms within minutes. She didn't allow any of the pestering servants to touch her things, she refused to respond to them altogether. She had done everything for herself in the Hewn City, she had blossomed in her independence, and she wouldn't let anyone compromise that.
As she hung them up, she looked at the clothes. They were so…silky. Once, it allured her. Now that she had seen the beautiful dresses made out of scrap cloth, the gorgeous dresses that had been created out of nothing rich or expensive, she had no interest. She would start making her own clothes immediately, she thought.
And this palace. This fucking palace. Everything was so pretty - so cleancut, so sparkly, so expensive. Sure, it was probably the prettiest palaces of all the courts, but nothing inside of it was real. They didn't love each other, they didn't want each other, they didn't share this palace as a home. They just used each other for pleasure and boredom. It was a place of leisure.
She had almost finished putting up the clothes when she heard a creak behind her. Instantly, she swerved around, her feet shifting into fighting position, but then her lips pursed.
"Leon." He had been quiet when they walked in. He had dropped her off in the living room like she was a child going to daycare. He hadn't said a word to her after he took her from the Hewn City, and she had not said a single thing to him.
She hadn't even looked at him. Not really. But he looked different. He was twice as skinny as he was when she hadn't lived with him, his eyes had bags underneath them, and there were frown lines around his mouth. He looked weak. He was relying on the stick desperately. While she had aged only eighteen months, he looked like he aged ten years.
"You look like a woman." She hadn't noticed that he was analyzing her as well. Her neutral face didn't even flicker.
"I am a woman," Selene replied. His jaw clenched.
"You're a woman now," he corrected. Even his voice sounded weak. "I didn't realize that…that you weren't even done with puberty when you married him. You really do look different." Because she had been a child. A child who knew how to fight, how to fuck, how to hunt. But still a child who had been pushed into a marriage with expectations that she wasn't equipped for. If he had only waited a few months, just a little more time to figure out who she was, she wouldn't be so damaged. So trapped.
"Did you come in here for any specific reason?" She asked. His face twisted. "I'm in the middle of doing something." He looked around suddenly, as if he had finally realized that she was, in fact, in her old room. Far, far away from Tobias.
"Why are you-"
"I'm busy, Leon."
"You're just moving clothes, Selene. Please, can we-"
"I'm busy." He shrunk back when she said it, as if the words physically hurt him.
"Okay," he said quietly. "I'll see you at dinner then." She didn't say goodbye as he closed the door.
~*~ discidium ~*~
Thirty minutes. That was enough time to change clothes, undo her hair, wash her face. It was enough time to test out the many perfume bottles that she had left behind when Tobias kicked her out, and consider all the jewelry that Tobias silently bought her while she was away. But thirty minutes was an hour and a half in the Hewn City. In an hour and a half, she could've cured at least ten people, made at least twelve sets of remedies, and have tea with Jameson. She could be saving lives and yet…she was wearing a thousand coined dress, she had wasted more time doing her hair than she had done altogether in the last eighteen months, and the virgin bride that stared back at her from across the mirror looked unrecognizable.
She did look older. Besides the everlasting baby bump, she was at least an inch or two taller than she had been before. Her face was more angular, as if her childish cheeks had finally shed away, and her hair was a dark blonde rather than the white-iced blonde that she originally had. There was already a wrinkle or two forming at the ends of her lips. Due to the pregnancy, she had gained enough hip weight for the pregnancy to not look awkward on her skinny body, and she hadn't realized how large her boobs had gotten. In the Hewn City, it wasn't important. None of it was important. Her appearance was the least of her achievements. But here, it was detrimental for her survival.
When she finally made it out of her room, she was wearing a thin, dark red gown with golden cuffs on her biceps and her hair in a tight bun. She didn't bother sending a servant down to warn Tobias of her arrival, or to run by Leon's room and see if he was ready. She would not play their games – she would never play the Night Court's games ever again.
"Hello, Lady Selene." Her jaw clenched. Lady Selene. She stopped being a lady eighteen months ago. But the guard was only doing his job, to do whatever Tobias demanded of him.
"There's no need to call me that," she said stiffly. The guard, who was standing outside the dining room paused for a split second, but then nodded. He opened his mouth to continue, but then her hand went to the door and opened it herself. She saw him stagger at the corner of her vision, as if fighting to do it for her, but she walked into the dining room swiftly.
At first, Selene's eyes scrolled the dining room. It was so…small. Unlike the celebratory Great Hall that she had learned to admire. The dining room table was still perfectly shaved, without a single dent, and she hadn't realized how odd the chairs were shaped until now. The chandelier was sparkly and sharp. The plates were perfectly aligned. She looked up at the figure at the farthest part of the table.
"I made your favorite," Tobias said. She was still. "Come, sit." She felt her legs move towards him as she looked at the food on the table. What even was her favorite? She had been at the Night Court so briefly, and had been at the Hewn City for so long, that she couldn't even remember. It looked like a certain meat. Maybe mixed into a –
"Hello, Lady Selene." She tripped on her toes. Her hand went to the nearest chair and Tobias jolted out of his seat to catch her. But she had staggered upright, her whole body losing its warmth. She felt everything, every emotion, rush through her – anger, sadness, spite.
"Rosalie," Selene whispered. Rosalie hadn't been in her direct view when she originally walked in but here she was – in front of her. Staring at her blankly, pretending as if her sitting at the dinner table was perfectly normal and that they had not, in fact, spent the last eighteen months in the Hewn Court. Like Selene hadn't sentenced her to possible death.
Her hand curled around the back of the seat tightly.
"You brought Rosalie?" Selene asked Tobias carefully. It was the first time since she had arrived did she finally show interest in Tobias's utter existence. Her eyes didn't leave Rosalie's body.
"Of course I did," Tobias said. "I apologize for the damage, Selene. You see, I didn't think Leon would be stupid enough to forget her." As Selene's eyes ran down her, she saw that Rosalie was a mess. She was wearing Night Court attire and her body was glowing clean, but there were scratches that layered down her arms and a black ring circled her left eye. Her bottom lip was split. The Hewn Court could be cruel, but they didn't care enough to beat up prisoners. The Night Court must have dragged her out. That was the damage he spoke of.
"Leon was supposed to get her?" Leon was sitting next to her, his eyes in his lap. Alike to her, he had cleaned up. He was wearing a maroon tunic that slipped down his chest and his hair was tied back. She saw, though, that there were red strikes that peaked over his shoulder blades.
"I went back down there myself." She turned towards Tobias. He was looking at her just as critically as she was looking at him. Analyzing her movements, watching for her response. Almost like he was testing her. As if he didn't trust her either. But no, he didn't know. He didn't know anything about what she did. Which meant she had to play along, at least for now.
"Thank you," she said. But she saw a flicker in his eyes. As if…he didn't quite believe her. So she spun towards Rosalie's direction quickly.
"I'm so glad you're back," Selene said, a smile on her face. "Welcome home." Rosalie's smile was, on the other hand, believable. Selene's stomach twisted as she looked into Rosalie's glistening eyes. Her empty, glistening eyes.
"I'm glad to be home." Liar. Criminal. She could only wonder what Rosalie was saying in her head – what curses she was throwing at Selene. Because she remembered their conversation about how Rosalie swore she would not be dragged back…but they were both wrong.
"Sit," Tobias said. His voice was lighter. "Next to me. We have some…catching up to do." Her skin crawled. But she followed him, even let him touch her hand and pull her towards the petite chair next to him. When she sat down, Leon was still staring at his lap and Rosalie was looking at the both of them emotionlessly. She pursed her lips.
"I should catch you up on the last six months, Selene," Tobias said with an exhale. She turned to him. She stared at him, waiting for the anticipation, the excitement to hit, but she felt nothing. She was empty of all the emotions that had once filled her when he spoke to her, and she didn't give a damn. She didn't want to hear about what he had done for the last six months. What was going on above the mountain was nothing, nothing of importance to her, compared to the Hewn City. Every ounce of interest had disappeared.
"Really, Tobias, there's no reason to. I-"
"I'm readying for war." Nothing. Nothing. She still felt nothing as she held his gaze.
"And you're using Illyrians?" She continued, not skipping a beat. His jaw clenched.
"Yes. How-"
"Because I know the consequence of going to war," she said. There was a slight hint of defensiveness in her voice. "Go ahead, use them. I forgive you." She had even shed her Illyrian identity under the mountain. Though there were people she still loved in those villages, and she would always love her wings, those weren't her people. The Hewn City was her people.
Her eyes found Rosalie's. Her eyes were no longer empty. Instead, she was clenching the arms to her chair and staring at Tobias wildly. Leon was finally looking up, looking at her confusion and Tobias…he was in awe.
"You don't care? At all?" It almost came out as a sneer. She looked back at him and shrugged.
"I'm sure you had your reasons," Selene said. His face loosened. "If you need to go to war, do it." He leaned back in his chair.
"I still want to keep you updated. I've been communicating with the other courts, which will change things significantly. The Spring Court refuses to back me, but the Autumn Court is considering it and the Summer Court says they'll allow us free passage if…" She let him ramble. She tuned him out as he continued talking about other people, places she didn't care about, places that were no longer relevant in her mind.
"Initially, we weren't supposed to go to war. I was fighting to change it, trying to prevent it. But I…We've been in a tight spot," Tobias said, after a few minutes of speaking of the upcoming war. "There have been things going on in this castle that haven't quite left..." She waited.
"We made a bad move," Tobias said. "We were going to settle to stop the war, make a deal with Clythia, but the rebels got out of hand. They have half the Illyrian mountains now, have half of the – your village being one of them." She swallowed.
"I'm sure they're fine," she replied. Tobias didn't correct her but she could tell, just by his eyes, that they were not fine at all. None of them were fine.
"They've been brainwashing Illyrian clan leaders," Tobias continued. "That was fixable, though. If we could just get the rebel group to die out, the Illyrian clan leaders would stop giving a damn about their lies." Selene's lips pressed together tightly.
"So, Clythia came to me," Tobias whispered. "She came to me and she…she told me she would help me." She heard a creak. She looked at Leon, was clutching his chair so tightly that she wondered if he would break the chair. But he didn't intervene, he didn't speak.
"If I did what she said, at least. If I agreed to be more open to her ideas," Tobias said, letting out a low growl. "And I did it. With reasonability of course – whatever trade she wanted, whatever allyship she wanted me to show to people, making plans for our future." Our future. He meant him and Clythia, not her and him. The ambitions that they built together, the cruel ambitions that made Selene and Tobias two entirely different people. The idea of taking over the globe, of solely focusing on materials instead of their people's livelihood, was childish compared to Selene's feats. But it brought Tobias and Clythia together – a good match, in her opinion. And she knew what the costs were. The costs in Selene's life for Tobias to choose Clythia's ambitions.
But she had stopped caring. Clythia and Tobias were old news. She could have him, she could have him every day for all Selene cared.
"It got out of hand," Tobias continued, his voice a little bit shaky. "It got way out of hand. It took me a while to back out – to back out slowly. There are things that I did….I'll never forgive myself for it, Selene. What I did-"
"Don't, Tobias," Selene said. Deep down, she had no sympathy and she didn't want to watch him try and fight for it. "It's okay, now." But he shook his head at her.
"I did terrible things," Tobias said. "Terrible, terrible things to maintain peace. I lost myself in it all. But then I woke up, and I remembered you, and now I'm doing it the right way, alright? We're going to do it the right way. We're going to fight that bitch." He looked around the table, holding each of their gazes. As if they were his team that he wanted, and he was searching for their empathy. Their loyalty.
"So you fucked her." It came from Rosalie. Selene whipped her head towards her, her eyes wide. She didn't care for Rosalie, not in the littlest, but Rosalie had to be careful. Maybe she forgot that people had to be careful on what they say in front of him, or maybe she didn't care, but Selene didn't want her blood splattered against the dining room walls.
"That's what you're saying, right?" Rosalie continued fearlessly. Selene was frozen. "That you fucked her and now you want you pretty little wife to forgive you because it's written all over your face? Because if you don't tell her, the rest of your people will?"
"Rosalie," Leon hissed. But even then, his words were half-hearted, weak. This house…it was very, very different than from when they had left it.
"You knew you had to choose between her and Selene, and you chose her. Because Clythia would never allow you to have both, and Selene is too good, too superior, to bother having Clythia as an opponent. She'd leave your ass." She had never thought about that. If it came to it, would she fight for Tobias's affection if Tobias was truly interested in Clythia?
"That's enough," Leon snarled. But Tobias was hanging on her words like they were drugs.
"Yeah," Tobias said. Selene shifted towards him. His eyes were on Rosalie. "I did. I fucked her. But I didn't choose her. I would never choose her, because she is nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to Selene. I fucked her because I didn't know what to fucking do. Because she had her hands on our court and…I needed to distract her. Because she told me to, and insinuated if I didn't, then our relations would be over. Because she gave me no other choice." Selene blinked. He refused to meet eyes with her. Instead, he kept his eyes on Rosalie. Rosalie let out a laugh. Selene sunk back in her chair.
"Oh, poor baby. I'm sure it must have been so hard for you, of all people, to-" Tobias slid out of his chair but just as he got up, so did Selene. Quickly, she clasped his hand. He was shaking, trembling in anger.
"Don't," she said. Tobias finally looked at her, his face whiter than usual and his eyes big. Swelled up with emotion. With desperation and sadness and pain. He truly didn't think she'd forgive him, he truly thought that this news would ruin her.
"I'm sorry-"
"No," Selene said. Her voice was firm as steel but then she added softly, "Don't be. It…I'm sure you had your reasons. I forgive you." He was silent, extremely silent. Leon had stopped clenching the chair and was leaning against the table, watching closely. Rosalie's smile had dropped.
"Selene-"
"I trust you," she said fast. She didn't want the begging to start, the crying, the manipulation. He knew that he could do whatever he wanted, he could fuck Clythia right in front of her, and she would never be able to do anything about it. So why care? Why even pretend to be mad?
"Aren't you being mighty forgiving," Leon muttered. Her jaw clenched.
"I'll only be in this house for a short time, Leon. I don't want the little time we have altogether to be fighti-"
"No." She looked up at Tobias. He was staring down at her tightly. "No. You're not going back. I refuse to send you back." She stepped back from him, from everyone. Her face heated up as she stared at him.
"I'm not safe here," she said. It took everything, everything she had, to not burst. There was sweat dropping down the back of her neck. "The baby-"
"As long as you're fine, the baby will be fine," Tobias growled. "And you will be fine."
"Fine or obedient?" She snapped back, just as harsh. This time, he blinked. Confusion washed over his face as he looked at her up and down, as if searching for a detail that he had missed. Something that was beyond just a physical change. Something that showed some sort of proof, some sort of hint, that he wasn't looking at the same woman.
"Don't you dare put it like that," he hissed quietly. The tone of his voice would have once made her body shrink back, but she couldn't even pretend to cower. "You have no idea, no idea what has been going on since you left. You have no idea about anything. Don't you dare try to make me look like the problem." She shook her head slowly. After all, she had saved hundreds of fae from all over the continent. She had a seat in the Hewn City, she had loyal followers that would riot against Tobias if she told them to.
"You're talking about risking our child's life!" Selene's voice rose. "What did you expect me to say?" His eyes were blazing.
"We can talk about this when-"
"We're talking about this now!" Selene said. "My child can't live here! Look at this place. It's a wreck. Nothing about this place feels safe at all. Even you-"
"That child isn't some Illyrian bastard," Tobias snarled over her. "She is royal blood. She is a part of my bloodline. I see now that the Court of Nightmares has poisoned you. That place is hell, Selene. Hell. And if you think that you can raise my child there, you are absolutely out of your mind." She stepped towards him, just an inch.
"You locked your wife up there," Selene said cruelly. "What's the difference between your wife and a child?" His face twitched downward.
"I don't see you complaining," Tobias said. She swallowed. She hadn't. Not enough, at least. Not enough for her secrets to be safe.
"Velaris," a small voice said. They both turned to the redhead across the table. She was looking at the table intensely. "You promised her Velaris. And instead you sent her to the Hewn City. She just wants to save her child, Tobias. So she's fighting for the only option that she knows of, which is the Hewn City." Tobias stopped, studying her. Studying the beaten whore who, until now, showed little interest in Selene's safety.
"Don't defend me," Selene said instantly. "You-"
"Don't," Rosalie said sharply. "You don't have to do it anymore, Selene." Selene blinked at her. Her body was ticking inside, ticking like a time bomb, and if Rosalie said one more word, she may just burst.
"And do what exactly?" Tobias asked. Selene's eyes were merciless as they stayed on her tightly.
"Protect him," Rosalie said. She cleared her throat. "Protect us." Tobias's face slackened. His eyes went to Selene, as if to understand, but she didn't know what to say.
"She thinks her baby would be safer elsewhere," Rosalie said. "And when she saw how easily I thrived in the Court of Nightmares, and how they didn't have any negative experiences with her either, maybe it would be easier for her to be there. And easier for you – for you to be you. Better for all of us." Tobias sneered at this.
"I-"
"Velaris is unrealistic. People still are mesmerized by the royal family. They'll still worship her and collect unwanted attention. But in the Court of Nightmares, it's easier to raise a family because nobody sees her as your wife. She's a nobody there. Plus, you won't have to work so hard to please her. You can visit her when you wish, however long you wish, but only when you want to. You get your freedom, my lord." She understood what Rosalie was saying, what she was truly saying. They were trapped, they were all trapped when they were inside this house. They were constantly walking on egg shells to be someone they weren't. Always trying to justify their actions.
"You don't have to worry about pleasing me," Selene said. She didn't dare look at him. "You can do what you have to do, Tobias. If I'm gone, you aren't obligated to tell me. You aren't obligated to be someone you aren't or to fit my standards." His face slackened. His hand went to the chair, as if to steady him.
"You want to live separate lives?" Tobias asked, his voice a whisper. She still refused to meet his gaze. Instead, her eyes focused on the dark-wood table.
"I don't want my child living in a house where there's no freedom," Selene said. This time, she wasn't lying. "I hold you down. I'm better off in the Court of Nightmares. And you can visit me whenever you feel like you're ready. Don't see this as an end for us." Tobias was quiet, as if he was truly ruminating on the possibility. As if he truly considered that she was at fault for his mistakes. Just like her entire town had, just like Leon and Rosalie had. Just like everybody in the world, outside of the Hewn City, had.
"Don't you think we've had enough freedom for a lifetime?" She heard him say. She looked up at him. He wasn't crying, he didn't even look moderately upset, but she could feel that he was hanging on a thread. She could feel it in her gut.
"I'm not sure what fucking voice you've been listening to, Selene, but you've underestimated my loyalty. I don't want freedom," Tobias snarled viciously. She pursed her lips. "I don't want to be able to do whatever I want. I want you. I want you in this house. And I want to look my daughter in the eyes and instead of teaching her about freedom, I want to teach her how to fight all these bastards that are trying to break us." For a moment, she forgot that Rosalie and Leon were in the room. Her chin had risen, looking her husband in the eyes. Certainly, he didn't see the passionate eighteen year old that she once was. She had blossomed into something far worse. But how long would it take for him to see that?
"She-" Selene whirled around, and Rosalie had good enough reason to flinch.
"Do not defend me," Selene said again, her voice guttural. "I don't need your help." Tobias hands clamped behind his back loudly. She looked at him as he evaluated her from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. Looking at her again, with good reason. And a part of her didn't care if he saw the fearless woman that hid underneath the silky dress, who was starkly different than the girl he impregnated eight months ago.
"You should go to your room," a voice said. It came from Leon. He didn't cower when she glared at him. He didn't even hesitate. Instead, he glared back. After all, he had nothing to lose. "Clearly, this pregnancy is weighing on you."
"My pregnancy is none of your-"
"We'll get a healer in tomorrow to assess your hormones," Leon said. The soft pity in his voice made her blood boil. "For now, you should go rest." There was a knife inches, just inches, from her hands. But she knew she couldn't touch it. She knew she couldn't fight them. They would end up disarming her before she could take a second breath and then she would truly be trapped forever.
So she looked at Tobias dead in the eye, challenging the darkness within him.
"Fine," she said. "I'll spend the rest of the night resting up."
~*~ discidium ~*~
She was not resting up. She was sending a box of goodies to the Hewn City. Sending packages wasn't hard – she just had to make sure the message-man believed that it was from Tobias and all would be good. But being there, actually escaping this wretched palace, would be the hard part. She couldn't wait for Jameson's rescue, as she was sure that he knew that she wouldn't want him to risk his life for hers. After all, she had the High Lord's baby inside of her. What steps would Tobias be willing to take to make her stay, especially if Jameson was the one to help her get out?
But once it struck midnight, and the full moon was beaming above her brightly, she knew she needed a break. Quietly, she brought herself to walk back into the disgusting, wretched castle once again. Every step made a part of her hurt, as if her own body was protesting the ordeal. Instead of running, she was willingly walking back into Tobias's home – her prison.
It was eerily quiet as she walked through the endless halls. It must have been later than she thought because there was a major decrease in guards. They must have been in the middle of a shift change, she considered, but still – she was surprised. She hadn't noticed how little guards there had been. Unless Tobias sacked them all…?
As she made it to the main area, which she had to pass by to reach her wing of the castle, she began to hear whispers. It wasn't surprising, Tobias's office was down there. But even with his office door cracked and a cackling fire that could be heard from outside, she could hear the conversation perfectly.
"And here I was thinking that brothers don't keep secrets!"
She stopped. Truthfully, she could care less about the spat. This entire castle reeked of tension and hatred. Why should she care now that they were finally letting it all out? But she had left her room in the hope to find a way out. What if this was one step closer to the answer? She needed to know the Night Court's weaknesses.
She peered into the crack. Leon was closest to her. Alike to earlier, he was holding onto his walking stick tightly, his hand trembling on the handle. His healthy foot was wobbling as well, but that seemed like the least of his concerns. His face was furious, his eyes filled with anger and his teeth barred. There was no color left in his face, only the fury that showed.
But she looked down at his other hand. At first, she couldn't tell what he was holding. Papers, maybe? But then he took a small step and she noticed that it wasn't just paper, it was dull-white enveloped bunched together with a loose rubber band. From what she could tell, none of them looked opened, though the edges were all weathered as if they had been shoved into a drawer desk and forgotten. For a second she lost interest and was about to turn on her heel, but then she saw the scripture on the envelopes. It was…her handwriting. Those were her letters. She let out a shakey breath as she began to count the ones in his hand – ten, maybe fifteen? But on the coffee table next to him was loads of envelopes. Multiple small piles of the same closed, weathered envelopes that she had once closed and mailed.
None of them had ever been opened. While she had spent weeks and weeks sending out letters, fetching down mailmen, licking the ends of envelopes and losing sleep wondering if he would ever write back, he didn't even read the first sentence. Leon stepped forward once again, now blocking her view of the letters. She almost got tunnel vision just by staring at them. Her hand was grasping the wall.
"Did you even try opening them?" Leon asked quietly. His voice was tight, careful, as if he was trying so hard not to burst that he was in pain. Tobias didn't reply. "How many are left, then? How many times had she written you and you didn't even bother glancing at the damn words? Weeks? Months? Over a year?" His voice was growing louder now. Tobias had snorted, leaning deeper into his large chair that was facing the raging fire.
"Do you seriously find this funny?" Leon demanded, throwing the letters to the ground with a thud. Tobias didn't reply. "Your wife, your pregnant wife, has been writing you for six months, eighteen months for her, and you didn't even care." There was pure disgust in his tone but his words were only followed by Tobias's silence. Quickly, Leon took one of the letters of the coffee table, his hand shaking. Tobias didn't stop him from ripping it open.
"Dear Tobias," Leon recited, reading the letter loudly. "I hope all is doing well. Unfortunately, I am running out of paper so this may be my last letter for a while. I am in desperate need for help. I need some gillyweed to assist with my pregnancy, along with cobble flower, dried rose petals, and apple seeds. I apologize for appearing demanding, I am sure you are very busy right now. But, due to this damn month change, my baby is growing differently and I…" And then Leon threw it. He bundled it up and tossed it into the fire over Tobias's head. Tobias didn't so much as flinch.
"No wonder she fucking hates us, Tobias!" He growled. "We abandoned her. She mailed us hundreds, maybe thousands, of times and she never got a single response." Tobias didn't even move.
"What if she had gotten sick, huh? What if someone had hurt her?" Leon demanded. He took another step. "You left her there alone and gave her no reason to believe she would be back. Don't you understand what you have done-"
"Stop." Though Tobias's command was quiet, Leon immediately ceased. "Everything will be fine." Leon snarled at him. This time, Tobias looked over his shoulder.
"Fine? Fine? You can destroy your relationship with her all you want, Tobias, but you had no right destroying mine. I promised her that nothing bad would happen, that we would be back! After everything I had done in her name, while you-" Immediately, Tobias got to his feet. Selene saw Leon shrink back as Tobias strutted over to him. While the distance between them wasn't long, each step caused another level of anxiety to beat inside Selene's chest.
"While I what?" Tobias said, his voice low. "Are you sure you want to finish that?" Leon was silent. There was a deeper fear, Selene realized, that she had never noticed between him and Leon. Not just obedience, but pure fear.
"She's just a kid," Leon said. His voice was barely audible. "She's a fucking kid, Tobias. She needs to be protected." Tobias snorted.
"Stay away from her, Leon," Tobias said. His threat ran a shiver down her bones. "Or else you'll need protection too."
~*~ discidium ~*~
She slept in longer than she planned. The time change wasn't just affecting her emotionally – it was affecting her physically. By the time she woke up, the sun was fully shining, she saw from her bedroom window that servants were already watering the garden, and there was a light, inaudible chatter going on throughout the household. It was definitely past breakfast. But nobody had woken her up, not even the maid. A part of her didn't care, but a part of her was already stressed. She had nothing to do that day, but that didn't mean she enjoyed sleeping in throughout the entire morning.
She got up swiftly, immediately going to the bathtub and taking a quick bath. She ended up slipping on a soft pink gown and twisted her dark-blonde hair into a tight bun. She was about to put on some light perfume when she heard a knock at the door. At first, she froze. She wasn't mentally prepared to deal with Tobias just yet, and she would rather not waste her time with Leon. But maybe, hopefully, it was just a maid dropping off food and, saying as her stomach was growling, she couldn't pass it up.
But when she opened the door, a wave of disappointment flooded over her. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at the opposing person.
"Yes, Rosalie?" She asked irritably. Rosalie didn't seem bothered by her tone. Instead, she went around her swiftly, entering Selene's room and sitting on her not-made bed. Selene straightened. She was about to hiss a string of threats, but then Rosalie held up a small, folded piece of paper between her fingers.
"What? Are we passing notes now?" Selene said surly. Rosalie let out a small, lifeless laugh. Her breasts, Selene noticed, weren't spilling out of her dress like they once did, and the ends of her skirt wasn't seeping up her thigh dangerously. Instead, Rosalie was wearing a normal dress. She still looked absolutely beautiful, but there was nothing seductive about her. Nothing…that gave any hint that she was the High Lord's whore. It was like the playfulness that Rosalie so dearly loved had been drained away from her, as if she didn't even have the energy to try.
"It's from Devlon," Rosalie said dryly. "He must have gotten a servant to sneak it in here and advised him to put it on your pillow. Of course, the servant put it on Tobias's bedroom because people assumed that you would fall into your husband's arms immediately. And yet, this letter says quite the opposite. Says something about running away with him instead." Selene ripped the letter away from her, looking at the scratchy writing. It was in fact Devlon's handwriting, and it had his Illyrian stamp at the top to prove its authenticity. She wanted to read it, read all of it, but her head was spinning. She folded it quickly and tucked it into her dress pocket.
"And what do you care?" Selene snarled fast. "Why didn't you just hand it Tobias? Wouldn't you want to see him murder him just to see my tears?" Rosalie looked up at her. Once again, she didn't see any anger. Just emptiness.
"I always liked Devlon," Rosalie answered tiredly. Selene's face slackened.
"How long have you even been keeping this?" Selene said with a sneer. Rosalie shrugged lazily.
"Since I got here. I found it on yo-his comforter," Rosalie muttered. Selene's eyebrows went up.
"You were in Tobias's room? Why-" And then she stopped because the answer rang in her head loudly. The answer that had once been her utmost nightmare, her greatest fear. But now, if anything, all she could do was blink at her. Was that the reason Rosalie looked so empty? So filled with sorrow? Because she had resorted to being Tobias's-
"I'm not going to apologize for trying to survive," Rosalie muttered. Selene's eyebrows rose up.
"But it didn't work, did it?" Selene finished. Rosalie shook her head.
"But then I saw this on the pillow and I…," Rosalie said. "He's a bad man, Selene." Selene's body filled with relief. Not because Tobias didn't sleep with Rosalie, but because Rosalie didn't sleep with him. Because, for once, neither of them had to play the sickening, oppressive role of pet. Neither of them played his games.
"I know," she responded, just as soft. And then, just like that, Selene found herself sitting next to Rosalie. Maybe Rosalie was playing with her, maybe she was being manipulative, but so was Selene. And she shared that broken look in her eyes, that look of vulnerability, terror, and the need for vengeance. They were more alike than they'd be willing to admit.
"I can't stomach looking at him, let alone touching him," she hissed bitterly. She crossed her arms tightly. "But Devlon is a good man…" He was. Selene didn't know what side he was on, or what that meant for Tobias, but Devlon wouldn't follow something that he didn't believe in. He believed in loyalty to his court, but he also believed in honor towards his people.
And so Selene opened it up and read it. She was quiet as she mulled over his words, taking in each word slowly, savoring each letter. She could nearly hear his voice as she read, hearing the perseverance and the warrior mentality in his words. She read it three times before she looked up again, her fingers holding onto the letter so tightly that it began to crinkle.
"He wants me to meet him tonight," Selene said aloud. "He heard what happened in the Hewn City and he heard what I…" He was marveled. He wasn't surprised, he was proud. Finally, he wrote, she was becoming the woman she was meant to be.
"There are thousands of tribes hidden in those mountains, and as you know, many of which aren't even documented on the Night Court's maps," Selene breathed. "He said he'll take me there. He'll hide me there. And he'll hide you too." It wasn't a wise decision telling Rosalie all the information he wrote her. After all, she could use it against her whenever it became convenient.
"We can-start over?" Rosalie's voice choked. Selene took in a shaky breath and nodded.
"More or less," Selene said. "He'll probably make us change our names. And we'll have to stay down low for a while, possibly years. And…" She swallowed. "I'll have to give the baby to the Illyrians. I'll have to raise him as an Illyrian warrior – since he's a boy." And he wanted to raise him. That was the cost of this all.
"He wants your child? To raise him at his camp?" Rosalie asked quietly, a hint of disgust in her voice. Selene nodded.
"It's not unusual. Illyrian children are usually taken to camps at a young age. In our culture, family is nothing. Your camp, your fellow soldiers, are your home. To them, thinking that a male baby should stay with his family rather than training would be looked down upon. Anyways, he believes that if this baby is raised under Tobias, he'll be a monster. But maybe they could raise him to be…something better. Something amazing," Selene explained. Her voice was hoarse, each word more painful than the next. But it was necessary. Because it was the only way her son could have a normal life. It was the only way they could get away from Tobias.
"What if you never see him again?" Rosalie said, her voice quiet. "I don't know much about those camps, but I do know that mothers can get separated. What if he never knows who you are?" Selene didn't respond. Instead, her eyes focused on her lap.
"I guess it's better than letting Tobias raise him," Rosalie said, as if offering some sort of positive to the situation. "Tobias would make his life hell." Selene couldn't argue that. She still hadn't found a solution to the gender issue but now she felt like she was close to finding one.
"He wants to meet us tomorrow night," Selene said to her. Her mouth was dryer than sawdust. "He said he'll take us directly to our new home." Rosalie's eyes were shining. Her traitorous, two-faced eyes.
"You'll let me go with you?" Rosalie asked. "Really? After all I've done?" Selene held her gaze for a moment, taking in the beautiful, goddess-like girl in front of her. A woman she had once been envious over, a woman who she once thought was superior over her. A woman who would do far better as Tobias's wife than she would. Who deserved nothing. Absolutely nothing.
"Yes," Selene said, crumbling it the letter tighter. "It'll be an adventure we'll take together." Rosalie, unsure what to do, kissed her on the cheek. Selene was still.
"Thank you," Rosalie whispered. She inched towards the door. "Thank you so much, Selene." And as Rosalie disappeared, closing the door behind her, Selene unrumpled the note and read Devlon's words again.
Meet me tonight at midnight. We shall ride until we reach Illyrian mountains that we've never seen.
~*~ discidium ~*~
No guilt has filled her body as she continued the rest of the day. She couldn't pack – she knew she couldn't bring a scrap. She planned to stuff her cloak with herbs and remedies that could only be found in the estate's garden, but nothing else. Not even a backpack. So, for the rest of the day, she had nothing to do. Even though she would be leaving the estate permanently in only a matter of hours, and never setting foot in Tobias's presence ever again, her day was filled with nothingness. So she found herself wandering down to the library, eyeing the thousands of books that surrounded her. After a while, she picked up a book and relaxed into a soft, long couch. But she found herself not even reading the words – if anything, she was day dreaming about what she would do tomorrow morning when she finally out of Tobias's grasp.
Until Tobias walked in.
He was no longer in casual attire. He must have some sort of meeting, Selene deducted, because he was wearing his fine, formal uniform. There was even a crown still on his head. She was so mesmerized by the attire, at the thousands of pieces of gold that his attire probably cost, that she hadn't seen the furious look on his face. But when she did, when she saw the enlarged black eyes, the tight facial expression, the clenched jaw, she sat up quickly. Her book slipped from her hands and fell to the ground.
"Tobias, what is wro-"
"You put her on trial?" Tobias's voice rose. "You put Rosalie on a fucking trial?!" Selene's eyes widened.
"Who told you-"
"What in the hell happened down there? What happened to staying in the palace, like I told you?!" Tobias snapped. Selene swallowed. "Was the temptation that bad? Did you just have to put yourself in harms way?"
"If you had replied to my letters, I would have-"
"Oh, so I was supposed to be watching you the entire time, on top of ruling a vulnerable court?" Tobias sputtered. "You're pregnant, Selene! How could you risk our child's life? And what is this circle I'm hearing about?" Selene opened her mouth, but she didn't know what to say. She didn't even know where to start. And the blaze in his eyes - it was terrifying.
"Opening a healing shop for those shitholes, enabling them into going to war. What happened to the woman I loved? Where is she? She would never disobey me. She would never do such a stupid thing." Selene felt a jolt go through her.
"You don't understand," she said quietly. He let out a mirthless laugh, his arms out.
"What's fucking new?" His voice rose. "You won't talk to me, you won't touch me, you don't want me anywhere near our soon-to-be-born baby. Ever since you've walked back inside this castle, you've looked at me like I'm a brick wall. Like I'm nothing." She felt it too - the anger, the rippling anger. The fury that was building inside of her, like she could tear down this entire palace without a hesitation.
But she wouldn't. Instead, she turned on her heel.
"Where are you going? I'm talking to you!"
"I'm tired," Selene said dismissively.
"What do I do, Selene?" Tobias's voice cracked. His words were soft, soft as a feather. "Tell me what I need to do. Are you mad? Do you hate me? What is it?" She paused. When she went to a stop, she heard him let out a ragged breath. And she thought about what it was. It wasn't the cheating - no, she understood that. That was a lack of options. Was it him ignoring her letters? No, no. Deep down, she hadn't expected him to be there. Was it because…
"Eighteen months," Selene said, first quietly but then swerved around and repeated at full volume, "Eighteen months. Don't you know what that does to a person?" His face, which had once been filled with anxiety and desperation, hardened.
"I had no other options," he sneered. She shook her head at him, her face breaking.
"You expected me to sit there and wait," she said aloud. "You expected me to stop living. You forced me to carry a child for three times as long as I should have. You treated me like I'm some inconvenient pet. So I moved on." His eyes narrowed on her.
"We're married. You can't just move on," Tobias said. She took a step towards him.
"Why? You did," she said in a low voice. She could've sworn that he flinched.
"I asked for your forgiveness," he reminded her. She shook her head, a cold smile on her lips.
"Sometimes that's not good enough."
~*~ discidium ~*~
He was going to kill her. He would kill her for what she had done – he would execute her in front of his entire court. He must have been shocked by her casual departure, her sudden dismissal, because he didn't bother following her up the stairs. Instead, he gawked at her as she rushed away, racing up the twirling staircase. It was past dinner, but the moon was shining brightly and…why not? Surely, Devlon would appear early. Anyways, it was far more difficult to leave any later because the guards were more alert at night.
So she left.
She took her red cloak and tossed it around her shoulder, not forgetting the many herbs and remedies that she stuffed in her pockets. And Rosalie…she would be fine. She would survive. She would be a better later than Selene, and she would enjoy it much more. The jewels, the parties, the admiration. This world was built for Rosalie, and she deserved to rot in it. Sure, Tobias would look for her. He would send out entire legions and dogs to hunt her down. But he wouldn't find her. Not in those mountains. Not in Devlon's mountains.
She didn't say goodbye to a soul when she went out the backdoor. She had no idea where Tobias had left to, but thankfully, she didn't run into him. Rosalie hadn't seen her as well, and neither had the tens of servants that wandered the castle. It was almost too easy to leave. But when she stepped into the black forest, the same forest that she had ran into during Calanmai, she felt free. She was a different person from when she had last stepped in there. An entirely different person. A person with fear and sadness and self-doubt. But now she was a woman. A woman who was more than just a female Illyrian with wings.
And he was there. Leaning against the thickest tree that she could find, his eyes were on the moon. Just like when she was last here with Tobias, she could barely see the opposing figure against the large, hovering branches that blocked their view of the sky, with only the light from the full moon raining down on them. At first, she was quiet. She stopped a few feet from him. She hadn't realized how hard she was breathing until she made it to him. How far had she been walking? An hour, maybe two?
"You're early," he said coolly. Not Hello. Not Are you okay?
"As are you," Selene said back. This time, he let out a chuckle. He leaned off the tree, stepping towards her. As he grew closer, she took him in. Even though it wasn't half as cold as it was in the mountains, he was still wearing a large fur coat and heavy snow boots. His eyes were still filled with fierceness, an unsettling electricity that fueled him.
"I heard you were a queen," he said. He was so close that she could feel his breath. She suppressed a smile.
"I didn't have the obedience of a queen," she countered. "Tobias made sure that he took that away from me fast." His small smirk tightened.
"Bastard," he muttered. Indeed, she thought. Bastard.
"And what about the whore? I thought she was coming with us." She swallowed. Her eyes fell to the ground.
"She's better off being Tobias's bitch," she hissed. His eyebrows elevated but, thankfully, he didn't ask.
"Well, I missed you," he said, his fingers trailing up her. "And him." She looked down. He was talking about her baby, her son.
"When do we leave?" She asked, frowning now. "We're wasting time-"
"We're fine," he argued. His voice was thick. "Waiting for my second. We need his help to get out of here."
"Devlon-" And then she saw him. His second wasn't Illyrian – not by a long shot. He wore clothes that had colors she didn't recognize, with red hair with green eyes didn't match the Illyrian look. As he came closer, Devlon stepped in front of her.
"That's your second? He's not even Illyrian," Selene protested. "Devlon, what's going on?" The man stepped down. In his hand was a sheet of paper and a pen. Her eyes narrowed.
"Marry me," Devlon said. She tilted her head. "Right here – right now. Marry me." She shook her head.
"Legally, I can't. This isn't-"
"A spirit-bound marriage. The true Illyrian marriage ritual that runs deeper than any legal marriage. We'll bind each other by a blood vow. I'll raise him as my own. Nobody will know who we are. With your blood, I'll know he'll be strong. And I've loved you since I met you – since I was fourteen years old. And I'll be damned if I let that go," Devlon snarled. "And I'll be damned if I let you start over and fall in love with some common peasant. You'll be something. You'll be a healer. And I'll be a commander. And we'll be together."
"You want my – you want my baby? To raise as your own?" Her voice came out with one breath. He took her hands.
"Yes. I want him to carry my name and to call me his father and to live out his life with my people in our culture," Devlon said. "He-"
"But if I remarry, and I give birth to him under your name, he'll never be able to claim his throne once he gets older," Selene heard herself say. "I would be ripping away his…his choice." And Devlon's smile dropped.
"He'll be raised as an Illyrian anyways, Selene. He won't want the throne. If he's raised with us, he'll know that those High Fae elitists are pricks-"
"But he has Tobias's blood," she argued. "He isn't Illyrian. He's half Illyrian. If I marry you, he'll have no chance at taking what he deserves." She hadn't thought this out. Not at all. "And what will happen if he's born with magic?" She sputtered quickly, just as he opened his mouth. "Are you going to…drain him of that too?" It was possible. A priestess could easily drain a baby's magic at birth. It would take away her baby's ability to do magic indefinitely. He would lose every single thing that Tobias gave him. He would lose his ability to make a choice, to make his own identity. He would be just like her and Rosalie – bound without any freedom to be who he wants.
Devlon's lips pursed.
"It's the only way in," Devlon persisted. "You have to marry me, Selene. You have-"
"I don't have to do anything, Devlon. You just don't want me unless I'm yours. I'm-I'm dirty to you, aren't I? Tainted by Tobias? You don't want me if I'm still connected to him?" Selene finally understood it. He straightened.
"I'm not damaged goods anymore, Selene. I want this. I really, really want this. I think we'd be good together. And I deserve you. So, yes, I do demand something out of this. If I'm going to take you away from this place, if I'm going to risk my head, I want you," Devlon snarled. "That's the condition." She didn't even blink before she responded.
"I'm not for sale," she said. "And I'm not going to rip away my baby's right to make a choice. Even if it means giving up my freedom." Devlon stepped towards her – just an inch.
"You need me, Selene. You need me to get you out of this wretched place. No Illyrian village will take you without my word. If you can't go to the Illyrian villages, where else will you go?" Devlon asked. Her hands balled up.
"I don't know. But I'm not going to punish my baby for my mistakes," she hissed at him. "I'm not going to take away his identity, his divine right, to satisfy you. I will not let you drain him of his magic, to take a piece of who he is. I don't want you to purify him just so that you can get your perfect family. I'm done listening to insecure men make decisions about my body." And as she turned away, turned her back to both of them, she heard him hiss.
"Then he's dead to us. You're dead to us."
~*~ discidium ~*~
She was shivering when she walked back into the castle. A part of her was screaming to go back. She didn't know how long it took her but when she heard Devlon leave, her head started spinning. Her legs felt like jelly when she stepped foot into the estate. All of the candles were still lit and guards seemed to be littered everywhere. One rushed towards her, his mouth already open, but she lifted her hand.
"No," she said. "Let me be." She turned away from them – all of them. A part of her was gone, she thought. A part of her was dead. She felt like her heart had frozen and she had left the one person, the one being she had ever truly loved, walk away. Did she really do what was best for her child? Or was she being selfish because she was too afraid to be what Devlon always wanted her to be? From what she has learned, being a High Lord was a curse. Should her child really be burdened with that choice?
She was almost to the staircase when she heard a shatter with a high-pitched scream. Sobbing, she heard sobbing. Quickly, she ran around the corner and saw, as Tobias's office was wide open, the horrifying scene in front of her. Tobias and Rosalie were both there. Rosalie was clutching her arm and Tobias was walking towards her slowly. Lethally. Neither of them had noticed she was in view.
"Where is she?" Tobias said slowly. But then he demanded loudly, "Where the fuck did she go?!" Though Rosalie tripped back, her face didn't change.
"She went on a walk," Rosalie said louder. Her eyes were darting around quickly, as if searching for someone to save her, but nobody was in view. "I told you, she went on a walk!" His hands were clenched into tight balls as he looked at her up and down. Analyzing every piece of her, as if deciding what he should hurt first. Rosalie knew it too – her entire body was shaking as she backed against the wall.
"She was going to kill you," Tobias said, his voice but a cruel whisper. "Why are you so adamant on lying for her?" Rosalie straightened. Her hands stopped shaking as she inched towards the High Lord of Night.
"Sometimes good people do bad things. I would know," Rosalie said slowly. "Anyways, I'm not lying. She went on a walk." And then he hit her. She exhaled sharply as she tripped sideways, grabbing onto the nearest coffee table so jerkily that the vase skidded off and smashed into a million pieces against the wooden floor. But neither Rosalie nor Tobias gave it any attention. Tobias loomed over her as she struggled to catch her breath.
"Maybe that's not the question," Tobias taunted. Rosalie was cornered against the coffee table like a cat would corner a mouse. Her teeth were bared. "Tell me, why did she finally sacrifice you after all this time? You were always a sneaky bitch but what was it that she finally saw that made you damaged goo-"
"What do you think you're doing?" Selene was lingering in the doorway, her cloak hanging off her shoulders. Tobias looked at her and then back at Rosalie. Rosalie sunk back against the coffee table, crossing her arms tightly. Selene ran her eyes down her, making sure she was okay. She wasn't, but at least she was stable. "Rosalie, leave." Rosalie, whose eyes were now filling with tears, scurried away from Tobias and flashed Selene a thankful look as she whipped around her. Selene and Tobias were quiet until they heard Rosalie shut a door in the distance.
"Interrogating my lady in waiting?" Selene asked. Tobias's jaw clenched. "Is that really going to solve our problems?" His nose flared.
"Where the fuck did you go?" He asked slowly. She had to refrain from flinching at his cruel tone.
"On a walk. Where else would I go?"
"You're pregnant with my child."
"Wow, really? I couldn't tell. Fuck, I thought this bulge in my waist was just an overgrown watermelon seed-"
"Selene." This time, the tone of his voice sounded tired. Not angry, not murderous. Tired. Pleading. "It's an hour past midnight. I actually thought something bad happened." Her body loosened. Still, her eyes didn't soften.
"So you interrogated my lady in waiting?" She repeated. He rubbed his face tiredly.
"Yeah, after I interrogated the maid, the guards, and Leon," Tobias snarled at her. "Quite a walk, I must say. Saying as nobody on this estate has seen you in three hours." This time, she didn't know what to say. She was so close, so close to leaving, but then she saw Rosalie standing there, lying for her, and she just…
"I'm here, aren't I?" She replied surly.
"Barely," he muttered back. Her lips pursed.
"Let me remind you that you gave me that privilege, Tobias," she said. "This place is supposed to be my haven. I can walk – I can fly. That was the deal." A few seconds passed before he replied. She was tempted to walk back to her room, to walk away, but she knew that she couldn't turn back now.
"The only promise I gave you," he said, clipping each word shortly, "was that I wouldn't maim your pretty little body. I did not give you the right to walk away as you please. This place is still dangerous – oh, don't give me that sneer! You think you're smarter now that you blossomed in the Hewn City? Because you got to briefly sit on a fake throne in a society that makes no difference to anyone else in this shitty world? You knew power for eighteen months. I've known power for my entire life." Her eyes were burning.
"You are not a queen, Selene. You are not a healer. You are the wife of the High Lord. You are an Illyrian that got impregnated by a High Fae, and you need to remember that. Now, once you give birth, we can figure out what you want, but until then…your only duty is to stay safe. And if that means sacrificing your freedom, then you will do that." Flying was not a big deal – she hadn't flown in months because she didn't want to stress out the baby. But walking? Her teeth were jittering.
"I'm not allowed to walk now?" She asked quietly, her voice as soft as a child's. He rolled his eyes dramatically.
"Of course you can walk, Selene. You can walk a thousand miles. But with me," he said. "You can wake me up at three in the morning to go on a walk – I don't mind. But…" and then he got quiet. He looked around quickly and added in a hushed voice, "Don't trust anyone here, Selene. Not the maids, not the guards, not even Leon. Rosalie seems innocent enough, but I think you've realized that even her actions are…self-serving, to say the least. You eat with me three times a day, you stay on my wing of the castle, and we'll go on as many walks as you want. We'll ride horses, we'll go on trips to villages, we'll go hunting, we'll go swimming. But there are dark forces in this castle, and that didn't go away just because you…grew up." Every part of her that held life – her beating heart, the warmth under her skin, the saliva in her mouth, had disappeared.
She took a shaky step back. She was too afraid to shake her head.
"I'm back where I started," she said aloud. Everything around her was spinning. "After all this time, you still – I had forgotten, Tobias. I had forgotten about all this darkness bullshit and your trust issues. But now I remember and yet, you still won't tell me what's going on. It isn't because I'm incompetent, it's because you won't share the burden. I had sacrificed everything that I had while I was in the Hewn City, and yet…you still think that I'm not good enough." His face hardened again.
"This isn't the Hewn City. This is the most powerful court in Prythian, and the reason we are the most powerful is because we have a strict system that hasn't changed in over a thousand years. We all have our own role to play and we stick to it. Yours, as my wife, is to give birth to my daughter. Not to be my adviser," Tobias said coolly. "You are lovely, Selene. You are brilliant. And I am…looking forward to exploring how you've grown these last eighteen months. But your role as my wife was built into your veins. We were created for one another. You were created for the most powerful man on the planet. And I am nothing without you. Don't think that that's not enough." It was nothing. She wasn't just important to his system – she could create global change if Tobias gave her the power to do so. She was so much more than what he thought. And yet she was stuck in a glass box.
"Goodnight, Tobias."
"Selene, I'm not do-"
"Goodnight." She disappeared from his view once again and, thankfully, he didn't chase after her. She clung to the walls of the hallways as she rushed to her room. She felt like she was going to puke. There was no way out, and even there was, she wasn't sure if she could live with herself. The damage she would have to enact on the innocent people of the Night Court, even the damage that would be enacted onto Rosalie if Selene disappeared, was something that she couldn't live with. She didn't want anyone being in pain because of her. She didn't want anyone dying for her.
As she made it to her room, she saw a silhouette outside of her doorway. The hallway was dark, but she made out the lines of Leon. He was leaning against the hallway wall next to her bedroom door and his head was bowed. She let out a dismissive snort as she went around him.
"I think it's time we talked," he said. She rolled her eyes.
"I'll pass," she said, putting her hand on the doorknob. He whirled around. Even in the dark, she could tell that he was shocked by her immediate disinterest.
"Selene, we haven't even shared a word since you've been ba-"
"Go off to bed, Leon," she snapped coolly. She turned into her room, about to shut the door, but then his hand caught it. She swiveled around, her teeth barred as she grew closer to him, and…Leon was crying. Tears were forming in his eyes. His face was red and his hand was reaching out to her. Desperate.
And she didn't care. She no longer cared about the Night Court.
"Give me a chance," he said. His words weren't plea, nor a demand. It was a challenge. And as she looked at him, realizing the tears were not of pain but of anger, she nodded.
"Shut the door behind you," she told him. And he did so.
~*~ discidium ~*~
Though he was on the bed, she hadn't gotten near him. She was leaning against her dresser stubbornly, every inch of patience washed from her face.
"What do you want?" she asked. He chewed in the inside of his lip, pausing. As he took his time, she exhaled impatiently.
"If you're not going to answer, then-"
"It was hell." He didn't look up at her. Instead, he clinched his knees tightly and focused on the wooden floor. His voice was hoarse. "When you were gone, it was hell." I don't care, she wanted to say. I don't give a damn about your precious castle, your precious court. The whole thing could burn and it wouldn't change a thing.
"When you left, he just pretended nothing happened. That you didn't even exist. He pretended that you hadn't even walked into our lives, as if…it was all dream," Leon said, his voice choking towards the end. Selene's fingers dug into the dresser. "Nobody was allowed to speak your name. Nobody was allowed to even recognize your existence. Overnight, everything was taken away - your clothes, your books, your favorite tea set. Nothing passed those front doors if they had anything to do with you. And those letters - I would've answered you if I could, Selene. If I knew you were sending letters, I would have helped you. I would've-"
"Instead he took them and made them into a fire," Selene finished. "And now you expect me to care?" His face hardened.
"When I found out about the time difference, I tried going back to you," he whispered. "I did try, Selene. I didn't even bother asking Tobias this time - I left in the middle of the night. But the guards caught me just as I left the estate border and when he found out…" That's where the marks came from. The scars. The horrific scars that she saw peaking out of his shirt. Months old and they still looked that horrific…
And she didn't care. He knew it - he saw it on her face. And she could see a flicker of pain, but it didn't matter. None of it mattered.
"After that, Tobias casted me aside. I had guards following me secretly twenty-four seven, I couldn't leave the castle without fearing for my life, I would go weeks without seeing Tobias's face. Meanwhile, Tobias started over without me," He whispered. "Balls every night, traveling to different courts, spending full days in his office with higher officials. He replaced me with someone else as emissary. And I felt like he was coping his own way - but then I heard him laugh one night. A true, full laugh. He could laugh, be happy, while you were thousands of miles away, locked up like a prisoner. He could smile." The only reason she hadn't fallen was because she was clinging onto the dresser so tightly that her fingers sunk into the wood.
"But I kept quiet. I let him be. I thought maybe just some more time - more time and he would realize that you needed him and then he would bring you back. It had been months but I still…I knew he had to still love you," he breathed, putting his head in his hands. Selene swallowed.
"And then he brought Clythia into the castle. Into our home." She fell into the chair next to her. "She slept with him, he ate breakfast with her, they went out together. And I fought for you - I fought for you again, Selene. I bursted out at him in the middle of a feast, roaring at the top of my lungs that you deserved justice. Except when I spoke your name…he said he had no idea who I was talking about. That he had never even heard your name before. Clythia laughed at me. And for the first time, I wondered if you were just someone I made up in my head. That you were imaginary." He was sobbing now. Though she couldn't see the tears falling down his face, his body trembled as he choked.
"I had to get out," he said. "So I did." She was quiet. For a second, she wasn't even entirely sure she was breathing. But then he put his hand in his pocket, and opened his hand.
In his palm was a silver token.
"I heard you went to them too," Leon said softly.
~*~ discidium ~*~
reviews pls. Like seriously. Reviews. Me = bad time in my life. Pity me. Give me a review.