The Beginning of the End

"I have to ask you a question.", Arthur said, as soon as I appeared. He turned his head towards me, when I stepped next to his window.
"A question that needs a warning?" I was equally disappointed and relieved when I saw that we weren't in my cave anymore.
"No, not exactly. But I am unsure about the answer."
Great. Which issue have my actions conjured now?
"When I am awake, the number of reasons to fear and hate magic grow by almost every day. All I associate with the term 'magic' is danger, attack and enemy. Yet I couldn't help but strongly disapprove my father's decision to execute the druid. And I wouldn't go to any lengths on my own to find that missing boy. Why is that?"
I tilted my head. "You have a great gift to ask the most difficult questions, with the most complicated answers."
That was only half true, but the reaction on my answer could be absolutely anything, and I didn't really want to deal with that, not while the current encounter was ongoing.

"I promise I will answer your question, but would you grant me the favour to wait until the mess I am here about is over?"
He thought quite a while, before giving a slight nod. "But I won't forget it. I will remind you, if necessary."
I nodded. "I give you my word you will get your answer." We stood in silence for a while, staring in each other's eyes, before I moved on.
"Actually, as you will already know, I came because of the druid boy."
He agreed. "Where is he?"
We were back in more familiar topics and a playful smile rested on my lips. "Merlin found and hid him. In Morganas chambers."
"Morgana? That is why she said that at dinner with my father! Oh that bi-"
"Let's be nice", I interrupted him, "Morgana was just trying to look as innocent as possible."
"What is it with Morgana that we talk about her in here again?" My face darkened, although I was trying my best to prevent it. Arthurs raised eyebrow told me that I wasn't very successful.
"We will talk about Morgana a whole awful lot in here. But the time to truly discuss her hasn't arrived... yet." Arthur looked like he really wanted to say something, but I didn't give him any opportunity. "Since this meeting was only meant to be in introduction, I will end it. I will be back... as always." That was the very first time, his expression did not change at all when I ended the meeting.

"He actually was in Morganas chambers this morning, wasn't he?"
I still had a grin on my face. "Yes. So was Merlin."
"Merlin? What was his business? I haven't seen him all day."
Some wind played with my hair and I tucked it behind my ear. "The wound of the boy is infected. Merlin was doing some reading to treat it and Gaius thought it would be an excellent opportunity to start his education." I also had to smile about that. "It was very funny to see how he hid the boys boots from you. Would you like to see?"
The pond was already next to me, I could see my reflection from where I was standing. I really enjoyed being somewhere else than his chambers. If his mind hadn't changed for an extra couple times, I would have been worried.
"Is there much to see? I guess he used magic?"
I nodded. "Of course. But it looked funny. Here, only for you to get the idea of it." I waved across the pond and the surface showed a picture, similar to a painting. More a photograph.
It showed the light brown leather boots, small enough to fit behind a pillar, walking on its toes towards the viewer. In the background were Arthurs legs, facing in the wrong direction.
I giggled again. When I lifted my head I met Arthurs gaze. I thought the corner of his mouth slightly moved, but that was maybe just in my head.
"Good to know.", he finally said.
"Oh come on! You have to admit, that was funny!"
He tilted his head and now there was slight grin, but he didn't say anything.
"Well, if that was all, I will end it here. You will need the sleep", I joked around and actually managed to catch a real grin.

He was staring in the distance when I approached him. We were outside, again, but, different than yesterday, Camelot was nowhere to be seen.
"I caught her. And the boy.", Arthur said, with a very dark voice.
"Yes, I know. And you seem to want away from Camelot, so you don't have to witness the consequences of that."
He mumbled something I couldn't make out, so I stepped closer to the rock he was leaning against.
"Father had me lock her up for the night. It just felt wrong."
"Maybe because it was?" I studied his face, but only got a slight shrug.
"Merlin had to be in on it. He stole my keys."
I chuckled, almost against my will. He instantly focused on me.
"Do you think that is funny?"
I grinned, making a 'Maybe a bit?' gesture.
"How did he do it? I always have the keys with me, unless I sleep. When did he stole them? I would have bet I would notice such an attempt."
This time, I quietly laughed. "You have. Remember your ears were malfunctioning?"
He stood straighter. "You can't be serious." I offered him the mirror I was holding for an answer.

As soon as he looked, we watched the entire scene, how Merlin used his magic to get the key from Arthurs belt and started playing Hide and Seek with it, keeping the floating key just out of the mans gaze. When he dropped it in Arthurs dinner, I frowned a little, but had to smile nonetheless, when he fished it out with a spoon.
"That was his greatest risk so far", I commented as I put the mirror aside.
Arthur seemed annoyed by himself and my grin returned. "What risk? I couldn't see the key and he made my think I was hearing stuff!"
"It is even funnier, when you say it", I laughed, but got serious shortly after. "He could have pulled it from the air, hide it in his clothes. Instead he decided to drop it in your dinner? What if you still wanted to eat that?"
Arthur looked at me. "I wouldn't have concluded that Merlin is a sorcerer, just by finding a key in my supper."
"No, but you would have wondered. And Merlin would have had to get the key another way. To drop it like that, it was just an unnecessary risk."
Arthur didn't say anything but he seemed to agree.
"Okay, lets end it here. We will have quite a bit to talk about tomorrow." He still didn't answer, and that unused quiet Arthur was making me a bit nervous. He was probably still sitting on his question, and I really didn't look forward to answer that.

And again, we were outside. I was a bit confused, we hadn't left his chambers in a while and now so often? My feeling did not get any better, when I recognized the spot where he met with the druids only hours ago.
"I have to apologize", I said, sitting down. I feared I wouldn't be able to stand our whole talk, so I'd rather sit from the beginning.
"What for?" Arthur turned to me and noticed surprised my sitting position. He shortly hesitated, but then he got down across of me, mirroring my position.
"For what I haven't told you. And for what I will tell you now."
"And what would that be?" He was sitting straight, straighter than me and it cost me a bit, looking up in his eyes.
"I declined you a very important decision. A decision only about you, but ironically, it wasn't yours to make."
He raised an eyebrow, telling me to go on.
"You freed the boy today. With Merlins help."
He snorted. "Yeah. Who, of course, was running late."
I swallowed. "He was running late because he actually had no intention to come."
Arthur stared at me, confused.
"The boy, Mordred, is a telepath. Very similar to my own powers. He called out for Merlin in his mind, until Merlin wasn't able to ignore him any longer. That was when the guards already almost caught you."
"I... I don't understand. Why? Merlin is the last person to let an innocent child die."
"Normally, yes. But he faced an awful decision today. The very same decision I didn't tell you about."
Arthur became visibly impatient, his whole body got more tense.
"What decision?"
"Imagine a kingdom, ruled by a powerful tyrant. He would kill and enslave with no reason and is way too powerful to ever be stopped. But one day, you get the opportunity to go back in time and kill that man, when he was just a little kid, not older than the one you saved today. And now there are you, fully aware and certain of what he will become. Would you kill that boy?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "Magic that strong is impossible! I don't understand what that has to do with anything!"
I started shaking and tried to keep my voice calm. "That was Merlins decision. He knew, for certain, the same certainty I have, that this kid will do something awful, something so terrible, no one even wants to think about it. And Merlin had the opportunity to just don't show up, tell you a lie of being unable to sneak behind the guards. You would be mad, sure, Morgana would be devastated, but you wouldn't hold him responsible, not really."
"That... horrible thing Mordred will be doing... It has something to do with me?"
I nodded.
"Will he kill me?"
I sighed. I hoped he wouldn't get the right conclusion, but I underestimated him, once again. My sigh seemed to answer his question and for a while, we sat there, in silence.
"I would like to have my question answered now.", he suddenly said.
I was surprised. "Now? Don't you want to... I don't know, digest what I just said?"
His eyes pierced through mine, before shaking his head. "I feel like I am still missing something. So I want you to answer my question. Now." His voice was hard, and already kind of cold, it didn't give me much hope for the following conversation.
"As you wish..."

Well, that could go in two different ways. Either he will be extremely mad at me, again, or... he will simply accept my explanation. Here it goes.
"If you think of magic now, which words come to your mind then?"
He thought about it. "Dangerous", he finally answered, "Chaotic. Two-sided."
I interrupted him. "Two sided?"
He nodded, without looking at me. "Yes. It can attack and defend. It can hurt and it can heal. It can trick the mind or it can clear it."
I smiled. "The word you are looking for is neutral. Magic is neutral."
"Yes. I know you, with your gentle touch and hard words to open my eyes. And I know Merlin and his clumsy but yet efficient way to take care of my everyday needs, as the buffoon of a servant he is. Even though with everything I know right now, it is hard for me to picture even one of you as a danger or even an enemy."
My smile got brighter and I leaned in, trying to catch his gaze.

"Exactly. You already know of three people, soon to be four, that are able to use magic. And neither one of those is a threat to you or to Camelot. As far as you know, that druid only came here to get supplies. What harm did he do?"
"Yes, but that doesn't answer my question!" He was frustrated and threw his hands in the air. The he also leaned in, held my shoulders, preventing me from pulling back. It has been a while since I turned to smoke beneath his touch and I couldn't see a reason why I would start again now. It would only send a very wrong message.
"Answer my question directly. Although I have no memory of our conversations and my knowledge here, why do I still act the way I do?"
His blue eyes pierced through mine and my smile slowly faded.
"Two reasons. First: You are a good man. To hunt someone or something down that never posed the slightest threat to you, it is against your very core. Your honour. Second: I told you before. Your subconscious knows exactly what you think and why. And it won't allow any-"
"Shenanigans. Yes I remember."

Arthur spoke slowly and tasted the word like he never had a similar one on his tongue before.
"Your subconscious is the home of your soul. While you are conscious, be it in here or out there, I have influence on your memories and what you think you feel. But your subconscious can't be manipulated. It knows what it knows and it feels what if feels. By having a slight influence here, I actually change your opinion on certain things, slowly but steady. And your soul knows that and acts on it. That is why although you only have reasons to hate and fear magic on the outside, you act on what is inside. Which is far more than that." I never let go of his eyes, and when his gaze moved over my head to think, I gently grabbed his chin and pulled it back to me. What would it be? Anger, that I influenced him? Or acceptance, that it was his own mind changing? "I... I do not know what to make out of this. All of this." He answered slowly looking in my eyes as he was searching something.
"I would like to think about that later. I find that my thoughts are often clearer when I come back to them on another meeting."
It was me who finally pulled back, I let go of his chin and took a step back, making his hands glide off my shoulders.
"As you wish. Anything else you'd like to ask?" I looked to the ground. Guess I will have to wonder a bit more. But I took it as a good sign that he didn't rage out immediately.
"No. You can come whenever you want, right? Then come tomorrow too. Maybe the day hunting will clear up my subconscious a bit."
I nodded and closed my eyes when everything dissolved.

I materialized without a word. I was really nervous. When he made me wait, I realized I would rather postpone to talk about that forever, than having him being mad at me again.
"There you are. Good." Still out in the woods, he was as far away from me than he had ever been. His arms were folded, and his face cold. Shit.
"I have some thoughts", he told me and I braced myself. "I couldn't help but wonder, since I have no way of knowing if anything is even remotely true, as long as you are with me, if you are making everything up so I would change my mind on magic and pursue a different approach, once I am king."
It wasn't really what he said that attacked me that much, it was more its sense combined with the complete lack of emotion on his face, that left me stunned. When I didn't answer, he continued his awful speech:
"As far as I know, everything I have seen in your company, in here or out, could be a very powerful lie. I admit that you knew what Merlin, my father or Gaius would say before it happened, yes. But everything else? Maybe all you want is to legalize magic once I'm king, and you are using Merlin as a puppet to carry your 'proof' that 'good magic' exists."
I was completely shocked. My mouth was open and I was staring at him with a mix of shock, confusion and probably more than a little hurt on my face.
"I... I don't..." I was trying to get a proper answer out of my mouth, but I failed. This was like a kick in the stomach, more so, as it came unexpected. I had imagined quite a few different reactions he could have, but him questioning everything I did, all over again? Wondering if I had cooked up some evil master plan to legalize magic?

"And that! Maybe that is exactly what you wanted to achieve! You are crying, and although I could be right with every word, all I want is to apologize and comfort you! Because that is the influence you have! The influence that you wanted to establish!"
Crying? I was crying? I touched my cheek with a very slow motion, not letting Arthur out of my sight. Yes, my fingers came back wet. I didn't even notice that my vision blurred.
"You are corrupting me." It was a flat sentence, and it own existence proved that Arthur actually believed that. "You are corrupting me and I just let it happen. Swallowed your words and took them for the truth, without any second-guessing. I won't do that anymore."
"Then... what will you do?" I never heard my own voice that shaky. I was destroyed by his words. Funny, because I thought I would be able to handle whatever he would throw my way, that this simply was my quest and I had to bare it. I had never considered that my own emotions and feelings for him would be part of the equation.

And the worst thing was that he was not wrong. He had no real reason to believe my words, and I gave him no option to verify them.
"I won't trust you anymore." Huh. Him standing there in his full armour made a lot more sense now. I had no idea that his image could also be influenced by inner circumstances.
"I will not trust you, unless you give me any reason to. Anything that would prove you right to me. And until you can offer me something... I want you to stay away. No matter what happens."
"I..."
"I don't want to hear any excuses, explanations or whatever. I want you to leave. Now!"
I made a step forward, lifting my hand without noticing but I froze when he took a step back, still iron in his eyes. I broke the connection without noticing it. Only to wake up on a pillow wet from my tears.

I thought the tite of the episode was rather fitting... And please don't be mad at me!
I will make up for that I swear!

I am not really satisfied with this chapter, but I had to rush to get it done in time and it contains everything I need. Still... meh. Maybe you can give me your thoughts on Cassies explanation and Arthurs reaction! I would really appreciate it!