Excalibur

I needed a lot of time to make up my mind about this, but in the end I decided not to have a choice. I knew when the black knight would appear and the joyful chats about Arthur's coronation tipped me off weeks before. It was very easy getting my way into the city. Many guests arrived and one more unfamiliar face staying in one of the inns didn't matter. I had to admit, I froze when I saw Guinevere's face for the first time when she was getting water at the station. I had never, ever, seen one of their faces really with my very own eyes. I watched from very far behind as Tristan Du'Bois killed Sir Owain and I studied Arthurs face when he challenged him after the second knights death. He was beautiful. I always liked to think that it wouldn't be a difference, seeing and knowing the people only from my visions, or actually watching and talking to them. I guess I was wrong. Very wrong. I also caught a glimpse of Merlin's face, when he walked back towards the castle, Gaius not far from him. It was such a strange feeling to actually see them. I couldn't really get over it.

I was awake that night, toying around with the idea to visit Arthur, who was already sleeping from the drugs Gaius gave him. I missed him. Funny how you can get attached to a person so fast. But in the end I decided not to. He made very clear that he didn't want to see me. And what would I even say? No, it would be a bad idea. In the end he would demand that I woke him up so he could face Tristan. And he would get even more mad when I wouldn't comply.

The next day, I made myself ready for what I was actually here for. Ever since I set my mind to this idea, I waited for a sign of approval or disapproval from the Editor. And was pretty put off, when nothing came. So I decided to talk to the only mind, who might actually knew that I existed and if my plan would destroy everything. Sneaking up to the castle when everyone was heading out to see Uther fight was very easy. I only felt the confusion of one guard, that he associated with my figure heading up instead of down, but I connected and made him forget about me very quickly. Once I was inside, I let my instinct guide me towards the dungeons and down the big staircase. I grabbed a torch from the wall and held it high above my head. I wasn't really fond of fire. Especially when it was that close to my face.

"Hello? Kilgharrah, are you there?"My voice lost itself in the giant cave, the echo so far away, I almost couldn't hear it. And it was drown out very fast by the gigantic wings of the dragon who appeared at my left side, flying around before finally landing on the big rock across of me.
"Hello young prophet. What a surprise. I wondered if I would ever meet you", the dragon greeted me, his voice almost too powerful for my ears.
I felt our connection kick in immediately, and slightly wondered why it wasn't there all along when we obviously knew about each other, but I didn't need to analyze that fact right now.
"So you do know about me. I wondered."
The dragon laughed. "It would be foolish of me to not know of you, young prophet. Merlin and Arthur may be targets for all kinds of threats, but you are the shield from the shadows. Although I admit that I doubted your existence."
I frowned. "Why is that?"
"Because you are not original.", the dragon answered.
I had no clue what to make out of that, but knew better than to ask further questions. "I want to reveal myself. But I am not sure if that is such a good idea."
"And why would you want to do that? The darkness protects you. Why give that up?"
I bit my lip. "Because that same darkness blinds Arthur. And I can't continue without him seeing me clearly."
"Ah, I see." He was quiet for a while. "It would be foolish for you to leave the shadows. You can't see your own future."
How did he knew that? "So you say I shouldn't do it?"
"I said you shouldn't leave. But I can't see the harm in giving the young prince some light."

I wanted to answer something, but the sound of his wings cut me off before I even opened my mouth. Different than Merlin I wouldn't shout after him so I remained silent and thought about his words. I flattered myself with believing that I understood Kilgharrah's words better than Merlin usually did, but now I was a little bit lost. It was no disapproval, that was for sure. But to completely reveal myself was not good. He was right, I couldn't see my own future. And if I would become an open advisor to Arthur, in a very optimistic scenario, I would have a target on my back for everyone who would want to hurt or disrupt him. And I had no way of knowing. So that was unacceptable. I had to make hard choices to keep Arthur and Merlin both alive and for that I had to be alive myself. And I had to be able to consider myself safe. I knew myself, the paranoia would eat me up.

Lost in my thoughts, I made the way back up the stairs and hushed out of the castle. The battle was still ongoing, so my talk with the Great Dragon did not take much time. Arthur was probably banging on his doors right now to get out and take Uther's place. The thought to simply go to him and talk crossed my mind but I rejected it and went to collect my few belongings from the tavern. If everything went accordingly, I would actually meet Arthur soon enough.

"Hello Arthur."
We were standing at the training grounds, a relatable choice after what happened over the last few days. Arthur seemed like he held a sword only seconds ago, but after he met my gaze he lowered his, now empty, hand and folded his arms instead.
"What are you doing here? I told you I did not want to see you."
"Unless I will give you proof of my intentions. Yes, you made yourself very clear." I was trying to sound like nothing changed. I approached him and he studied me like he saw me for the first time.
"You are travelling somewhere", he finally said, commenting my dirty boots and the long, thick cape I wore.
"Yes. We will meet there pretty soon."
That caused a raised eyebrow. "We will?" His arms were still folded, but he seemed at least a bit less distant and I allowed myself to have a little hope.
"Yes. You will see me face to face."
He pulled a face. "I will not recognize you, will I? Without memories."
There it was. The point of this. I looked to the ground and run a hand through my hair.
"Actually..." I didn't hear him, only felt his hands on my shoulders. He made me raise my head again, I felt small standing in front of him.
"Actually? Actually what?"
I collected all my confidence and said: "Actually, you will. At least I think so."
"You will give me my memories back?" His whole face lit up and he looked at me with almost childish excitement.
I bit my lip. "Not exactly. There is something I have to explain first."
His expression had already hardened again with my first words, so I continued quickly:
"That whole memory erase thing is a bit more complicated than me just deciding what you are allowed to keep and what not."
"I am listening." He had let go of my arms and I started pacing.

"You noticed already that my power would allow me to live like a queen if I wanted to. And you also know, that I am not able to manipulate any mind without a connection, never mind if I had one before or not."
He nodded, slowly. "Assuming you told me the truth, yes."
I gave him an exhausted smile. "That means, if I would want to be a queen, I would have to keep every connection I made then for the rest of my life, if I don't want to risk that somebody will hunt me down for sorcery."
"And? You hold the bond to me. And to your various animals."
"Animals are easy. Their minds are simple, easy to hold. Humans are very different. And to hold connections to only five or ten of them..." I shook my head. I couldn't even imagine what dimensions of strength and concentration that would cost.
"I was at the castle today. And no, I won't tell you why", I quickly added when I saw his already opening mouth.
"The thing is, that I had to manipulate a guard in forgetting I was there. And if I would want to keep that memory from him, I will have to hold that bond. Forever."
He frowned. "But you won't do that. Why?"
I laughed disbelieving. "Because it would be exhausting! That is what I am trying to say! My power has limits. A lot of limits. And a lot of rules to follow."
"Then why do it in the first place?" Arthur frowned, trying hard to understand what I was getting at.
I shrugged. "I knew there would be some kind of risk. I have the luck that he never saw my face. Only my back hurrying up to the castle. I will cut through the connection in a few weeks and when he remembers, he will be confused but he won't think anything by it. Probably just shrug it off, thinking he got distracted and forgot."

Arthurs mouth slowly opened, his eyes scanning my face. "You said if you cut our bond I would remember. What you meant was that you would have to cut it, if I would ever remember."
I smiled at him. "Exactly. Once I messed with your memories there is no returning them with the very same connection. I could only erase more. If I wanted to start over, I would have to cut our connection, let you remember and connect again."
Now he gulped. He finally understood what my point was. "You're going to cut our connection. I will remember. And you will be where I'll be in the near future so you have a possibility to connect again. Leaving just enough time in between for me to..."
"To see that I told you the truth. Yes. You are exactly right."
It was a risky plan, I knew that. A very risky plan. What if he started to speak to his father about his strange dreams? The only precaution I had was the point of time. I hoped that he would already be on his way to Ealdor with Merlin, Morgana and Gwen, before he started to take the dreams seriously. And if everything went to hell and all of the above including Gaius and Uther would know about them, I would have to connect with them. And talk to Merlin. Which would be a very long talk to make him understand my angle. I really didn't like that, but it was the only thing I could think of. Letting Arthur keep the truth, just long enough he wouldn't doubt me again. Not stepping out of the shadows, but giving Arthur the light to see me.

"...that, Cassandra?"
I shook my thoughts an blinked at him. "I am sorry, what was that?"
"You are really serious about this, aren't you?" He looked thoughtful and I smiled at him.
"I am. I thought I could do all of this, even without your cooperation. A foolish thought, I see that now."
He smiled at me, brightly and closed the distance my pacing had created. "You are doing the right thing. Please understand me. I have to be sure."
I nodded. "Don't worry. I do." We smiled at each other, our hands half risen, almost touching. I got nervous.
"Let me do it now."
He smiled and nodded. I rose my hand higher, laying them against his head. He closed his eyes and so did I, leading us inside the small room our bond was kept in. It was even thicker now than it was before and a small worry began to grow inside of me. It was so strong already, one day I would have to cut it a final time and I couldn't imagine how hard that would be.
"Let's do it together", I whispered and together we rose a hand, extending them.
"Now!" Our hands came down cutting all the way through the white, pulsing strings. I let out a painful scream and got sucked away so harshly I almost hit the fire as my body moved, shaking, my head exploding.

Arthur was out on a hunting trip with a few of his knights. There would be some kind of festivity soon and the kitchen needed more flesh to feed everyone. For Arthur the hunt before a feast was almost the best part of the whole entire thing. Although he had to admit he was a bit curious about that Lady Helen his father didn't shut up about.
"Sire! We spotted the deer! It is not far!"
"Then hurry up! We can't let it get away!" His steps got quicker and he already lifted the crossbow. They left the horses behind a while ago, they made to much noise. Arthur stepped on a branch and cursing himself he rushed into the woods to his right, parallel to the deer he just warned. He left his fellow huntsman behind quickly when he followed the deer which did not seem to be very smart, even for his kind. It already stopped again, head held up high, offering a perfect target for Arthurs arrow. Arthur closed an eye and aimed. Just when he wanted to shoot, there was a loud whistle and a stone was flying through the air, hitting the deer at the back, causing it to flee deeper inside the woods, visibly faster and more panicked now. Arthur measured quickly if it would be worth it to chase it, but decided it wouldn't be. There was no way he would be able to keep up on foot. Instead he searched for the source of the whistle. His eyes caught a skinny figure in a thick grey cape. It wore a hood and turned his back to him, looking after the deer.

"Hey!", Arthur shouted, lowering his crossbow and taking a step towards the figure. "Who are you? You just chased away our target!" He wanted to continue his rant but the figure turned around and he hesitated. His eyes caught a small woman, very skinny with beautiful red hair that she had loosely tucked back. Green eyes out of a pale face looked at him and her mouth was twisted like she was trying to hide a laugh. Her green dress was pretty enough for a handmaiden in Camelot and Arthur stared at her like he was hypnotized. He never met a woman outside the castle that had such a well-groomed appearance.
"And what will you do? Arrest me?" There was still some kind of laugh in her voice, like she didn't take him seriously.
"That depends. Can you make up for it?" Arthur layed his weapon down completely and approached her, a mocking grin on his face. Now that he took a second look, he saw she wasn't a beauty, her hair and eye colour were rare, but that was about it. Still she was rather attractive and there was no law against having a little fun.
She tilted her head. "I don't think my kind of payment would suit a prince like you are." Her words were mocking, almost flirting but her expression and tone didn't match. She looked almost sad and she had lowered her voice to almost a whisper.
Arthur frowned and opened his mouth, when a nasty pain shot through his forehead, causing him to close his eyes and clench his teeth. When he opened them, he was alone in the woods, briefly wondering why he was standing there when his knights already approached him and they continued their hunt.

Arthur sat up in his bed, his eyes were open but he didn't see the red curtains before his face. He was focused on an image in his mind, the face of a young woman with red hair and green eyes, desperately searching for a name.

Hello there!
As probably already suspected, that chapter wasn't really about the episode. I hoped you still liked it!

And you maybe noticed that I shifted the paragraphs a little, especially during the conversations. I avoided that until now because most of the time I write very fluently and I hate interruptions to edit my text like that. Even after I am done. It just kinda throws me off. I hoped I could dodge that bullet this time, but like Tianne pointed out to me, I can't. I hope it is more understandable for you now! And I would also like to give a special thanks to Shanni (everytime I write your full name it disappears after saving) and GuestM for always leaving a review with their thoughts about each chapter behind. It is highly appreciated and very helpful! Thanks a lot!