A.N.: This is an enormous chapter, almost twice as long as the longest so far. I hope you enjoy it! I thought of cutting it in two parts making it similar in length to the others, but I wanted the number of chapters to match the number of episodes of each season. You are lucky!
This chapter is quite a bit different than any other. I thought I would do chapters similar to this one every once in a while when the opportunity presents itself. Would you like that? Please let me know!
Important: The reviews showed me, that the last part of chapter 9 was a bit confusing. To clarify: That was a dream! Arthur dreamt/remembered his very first meeting with Cassie! I thought the fact that he woke up afterwards and that he mentioned Helen's name (villain from the first chapter) were enough so that would be understandable. To conclude: Arthur and Cassie are still broken up! They haven't met again and Arthur started to remember their encounters!
The Moment of Truth
It just felt weird. It has only been a few weeks, but I got so used to that slight pull towards Arthur in the back of my mind, that it just felt weird and empty without it. The fact that I wasn't anywhere near my actual home also made me feel uneasy. I arrived in Ealdor a little more than a week ago and some people were still giving me strange looks. Well, not Hunith. I was lucky enough to run into her the day I arrived and after a nice chat about 'feeling different' and 'unsure where to belong' she took me in. As Merlin's mother, of course she could relate. And it was probably the reason I reminded her of her son, that she cared about me that much. And I enjoyed it. More than I should. As long as I could remember, my actual mom has always been distant. Almost like she was afraid. I figured that something happened during my early years, something involving my powers. And while my mom reacted with fear, my father... he got angry. And that is the main reason I disappeared as soon as I figured out how my powers worked.
The constant throb in my head ripped me from my thoughts. Oh yes, another thing that was new. Since I broke my bond to Arthur I had a very bad headache, getting worse with every day. It has never been that way before and I started to get worried. Some part inside me believed that it came as a constant reminder from the Editor to continue with my quest. But in order to do so I needed to connect with Arthur. And I could only do that when he came to Ealdor to protect it. Which brought me right back to the presence, where I stuffed a sack of grain inside the haystack, hoping Kanen and his men would overlook it. He got here the same day I did, but not for the first time. Hunith had told me all about him and after he had beaten her and gave the village a deadline of one week she decided she would ask Camelot for help, since King Cenred wouldn't lift a finger. She offered me to come with her, but despite my desperate longing to see Arthur again, I declined. My face could conjure his memories even faster and I hoped I could deal with him while I stayed as far away from Uther and his desire to kill everything as possible. So instead she offered me her house while she was away, watching over the village in her place.
"Putting it in the haystack won't be enough", a voice behind me said. Speaking of the devil... I turned around and smiled when I saw Will's face. We befriended each other after I moved in with Hunith and my powers told me that he had a slight crush on me.
"I know. I am hoping for the best. Mostly I am hoping for Hunith to return." I approached him and we walked back to Hunith's house together.
"Do you really believe King Uther will help us?" He sounded very sceptical and my smile deepened.
"To be honest, no. But even if Uther won't, others might. Hunith told me about her son, working for the prince himself."
"Merlin, yes. He would be helpful", muttered Will while looking to the ground.
I looked at him with feigned surprise: "Would he? What could one man do?"
Will flinched. "Nothing", he quickly said, looking beaten down. "No one can do something. We should simply give Kanen what he wants. That way at least we won't be killed."
"But we wouldn't survive the winter." I answered.
He had the 'And why would you care' look again and I avoided his gaze. Will was nice to me, nicer than most of the others, but he was still a bit suspicious. Coming here without telling why and staying although I had no obligations, it was off. I tried to just blend in but it hadn't really worked. I gave him a quick look. I was fascinated by Will. He was a character that always seemed strange to me, like he didn't belong here more than I did. I never lost a thought about his death, but now that I knew him, a warning tried to escape my mouth almost every time I spoke with him.
"Kanen's deadline ends today. They could be here any minute.", Will said, changing the topic. Just after he finished, a scream pierced through the air.
"You jinxed it", I mumbled and we backed towards the wall while the enemy's horse stormed through the people. It didn't take them very long until they found the secret cellar. The sack I hid was actually suppose to be there too, but it was overlooked and I knew there wouldn't be enough time to open the cellar again. Didn't matter anyway.
Just when Kanen was about to kill Matthew, a sword flew through the air. Arthur and the others appeared, making me eject the breath I had hold in. While William beside me focused on Merlin who fought with the bold man that found the cellar, my eyes were glued to Arthur. It was just when I heard William move away that I turned around, early enough to see the hot glowing sword the bandit was suddenly holding. Merlin defeated his enemy, as did Arthur and Morgana took care of a third one.
"You will pay for this! All of you!", Kanen shouted as he got on his horse and fled the scene. He rode right past me and I turned around to look after him. That was round one. The rest would follow.
I heard Will and Merlin chatting behind my back and suddenly nervous, I turned around and tidied my hair.
"It is good to see you again", Merlin said and I approached them.
"Can't claim the same", Will answered and grinned. "By the way, that is Cassandra. You won't know her, she came here only a short while ago."
Merlin turned his head to look at me and the second his blue eyes met my green ones, I could feel a connection appearing, filling up a void I had no idea was there until it disappeared. It soothed the emptiness I felt whether Arthur's loss, leaving only one half of the hole open to fill. I was too distracted by my feelings running wild to say something and it seemed similar for him because he froze and frowned for a second, before opening his mouth.
But instead of his voice I heard Arthur's: "Merlin? Gather the villagers I need to talk to them."
Merlin tried to say something, but got immediately cut off: "Now, Merlin. There isn't much time." Arthur had already turned his back on us, not even noticing Will or me for that matter. I swallowed the lump in my throat. That would definitely change as soon as he got a real look on me.
I watched the discussion between Arthur and William, but weren't really listening. My eyes rested on Arthur. Maybe he wouldn't recognize me after all. I certainly looked different. My dress was very simple, like the other women's, my face was dirty and my bright red hair tucked under a sheet, leaving only a few strands out. There was no way to distinguish me from the other women of the village. It took a bit of overcoming to go after Will like Merlin did, but I did it anyway. It felt right.
"I had no idea you disliked prince Arthur that much", I stated when I appeared at the doorway of Will's house.
Merlin glanced at me and added: "He knows what he's doing. You've got to trust him."
I bit my lip when the situation unfolded in front of me. After the conversation turned towards Will's father, I quietly left. That was nothing I was involved in. And I had no authorization to speak of him.
The villagers had gone to their one homes, just Hunith remained with the newcomers.
"You can stay the night with us. It will be cramped but it should be alright.", she said and added when she noticed me: "This is Cassandra, a friend of mine. She also stays at my place."
I smiled and twitched a little unsure how to behave. Should I bow? Curt? I never had to deal with that kind of shit before. In the end, I decided to smile and nod to everyone of them. Guinevere returned my smile, as did Morgana although I couldn't shake the thought that something about me threw her a bit off. Welcome to the club, sister. At last I raised my gaze to meet Arthurs clear blue eyes. He had already opened his mouth, I suppose to say something that showed his good manners towards a simple woman, when he completely froze. His eyes flicked between my eyes, my mouth, my body, my hair and then my eyes again. His hand was suddenly half in the air, hanging there like he wanted to brush my cheek. The bond I was missing so much snatched back in its place and I had to suppress a relieved moan when the headache instantly bettered. I was almost surprised how strong I could feel him, considering I hadn't connected with him yet.
"Arthur? Are you alright?", Morgana asked, frowning.
Of course the others witnessed his, as I suspected, very untypical behaviour and it took for Hunith to ask: "Are you not feeling well Prince Arthur? Are you hurt?", for him to break out.
"I am fine, these men are no match for me. Don't worry", he assured, looking at Hunith now but I noticed him darting looks in my direction.
For a while they just stood there, everyone lost in their own thoughts before Hunith broke the silence: "Please let me show you where you sleep. You must be exhausted."
"And hungry. I prepared some food", I added, drawing Arthur's attention to me again.
But it was Morgana who answered: "That is very kind of you. But we do not want to use up your food. We brought some supplies."
I smiled at her, which was a bit more difficult than I thought it would be, and answered: "You wouldn't. I followed a hunch this morning and made some more stew. I was lucky enough to catch a rabbit yesterday and I wouldn't want to waste it." Actually Summer brought me that rabbit. Will stared with disbelief when I brought it home and I lied to him about some trap I invented. But I insisted in cooking it this morning, knowing the newcomers would appreciate the meat. It would be the last for a while.
"We-", Morgana began but was cut short by Arthur very quickly: "Are very thankful for your offer."
I smiled and the group finally started to move. I not only cooked but also prepared the majority of the floor for sleeping on it. Hunith showed me the spot Merlin used to sleep at and after a while of getting used to, it wasn't so bad. But I really missed my bed. I actually considered to stay in Ealdor, but I really wanted to be as close to Camelot and with that to Arthur and Merlin as possible. And not having a proper bed was not an option. My powers required laying down a lot and being that uncomfortable every time? I wouldn't bear it.
Merlin returned to us at the door and I really enjoyed their surprised faces when the saw everything prepared. I saw Merlin's raised eyebrow considering I got the amount of beds needed right, but he seemed the only one to think anything by it. Although I felt another glance from Arthur at my back, but when I turned around, he already concentrated on the food. The night came quick and when I layed in the light of the single candle still burning, I overheard the conversation between the two men, not daring to interrupt. They needed to know each other better, it was important. When Merlin turned to blow the candle out, his eyes caught mine and a hesitant smile spread on my face. Hunith had told them over dinner what she knew about me and she looked at Merlin when she said how I searched for a place to belong. Maybe that was the reason he also gave me a shy smile and winked at me before allowing the dark to come in. Suddenly falling asleep was very easy.
Hunith and I were the first ones to be up in the morning and I used that time to get into the only pair of trousers I possessed, matching it with a linen shirt, a waistcoat and a belt. I purchased these clothes a while ago, saying they were for my brother. Now I matched Gwen and Morgana in style, something that caused a raised eyebrow from the others, but no one said something. I had no real intent to fight with a sword, I was no good at that, I tried. But bringing people down, especially when they were trying to attack me was easy. I chuckled at Morgana's mockery and Arthur's attempt to avoid breakfast and was the first one to follow him out. He turned around, probably expecting to see Merlin and froze again when he saw me. We stared at each other, actually I wanted to escape his gaze, no reason to behave even more suspicious, but the blue of his eyes trapped me, searching for something deep inside my emeralds. Morgana interrupted us, letting her gaze wonder between us and I looked down. I stayed with the girls when Arthur conjured the men, training them to fight. After they started to sharpen swords, something I couldn't help them with, I went looking for Will. I knew he would be against this whole idea, and I knew he disliked Arthur because he resembled Will's father, but I never really understood that.
"You are looking hopeless", I greeted him as he sat on a pile of wood, very near to the exercising men.
"Me? No. They. They look hopeless." He gestured towards the training men.
"Do they? They prepare to defend their homes, their families. They may not be very good yet, but stress and fear may be just enough drive for them to do what is needed."
He shook his head and focused on me, noticing my tight trousers and the blouse, accentuating my skinny figure. "You look good", he told me, blushing.
I smiled. "Thanks. Although I am not as beautiful as Morgana, or as exotic as Gwen, I really feel comfortable in these clothes. Too bad only men wear it", I said with a hunch of irony that Will wouldn't get. But that wasn't even the part of my sentence he focused on.
"You are just as pretty as these two, just different. Believe me, I am not the only one who noticed."
I looked at him, honestly astonished: "What? What do you mean?"
His face darkened again, and he spoke like the words were poison on his tongue: "Prince Arthur is barely able to keep his eyes off of you. I can see him gazing after you, whenever you are not looking."
His first word was dripping with irony, but I was so confused by his first sentence, I barely understood the second. I knew his dreams would be very regular by now and he probably saw me last night, talking to him. But I hadn't noticed any glances in my direction since the training started.
"He is probably just wondering who exactly I am", I blurted out, not even lying. "It is not like Hunith told them very much and I can't either."
I saw Will slowly nod from the corner of my eyes, I was watching Arthur again, in the same way Will watched me as I suddenly noticed. Longing and questioning at the same time.
The rest of the day rushed by pretty fast and though I overheard the girls' conversation with Arthur about letting women fight, I did nothing to back them up. Like I said, I was no good with the sword and it was best everything played out without any involvement from my side. I had a different goal. I goal I pursued when I volunteered to bring Arthur some dinner, cutting Merlin off in the process. I apologized, but he just signalled his refusal, humorously stating that he didn't need to look after Arthur any more than his job needed him to. I laughed, but not because of his statement, but at the giant pile of irony behind it. Merlin was the best liar when he joked around, but I could see right through him. A little voice inside me noted that the looks Merlin gave me indicated that he did the very same thing, but I shut that down. Our paths would only cross very briefly and after they would return to Camelot, I would be off his mind very quickly.
So I grabbed a bowl with some thin soup and went outside, feeling four different set of eyes on my back. I found Arthur standing at the edge of the village, Matthew next to him, but the brown-haired man disappeared when he saw me approaching. Arthur turned around, eyebrow already raised, giving him a sceptical appearance that deepened when he saw me. I tried not to be discouraged by that.
"You missed dinner", I told him quietly and offered him the bowl. He took it, but placed it directly on a pile of wood nearby. He started to say something a few times, but stopped himself before a word left his mouth. I was too nervous to start talking on my own so when he finally asked:
"Would you walk with me?", it came as a relief. We left the village behind us, walking up the same hill Merlin did this morning when he went to get wood. Suddenly Arthur sat down, in the same spot Will did, hours before.
"I really do not mean to offend you", he began, turning to me as I sat down beside him, "But you look awfully familiar in very strange way. When I see how you speak, smile or frown, it is like I have already watched that a dozen times over. Considering we firstly met yesterday, that is a very upsetting feeling."
I was stunned for a second. Of course I knew that he had this on his mind and I was suspected he would like to talk about it, but him being that straightforward about a sensitive topic like that, it simply felt wrong. Maybe something inside him already remembered that he didn't need to play pretend with me.
"I have to admit...", I started, thinking about my response very quickly, hoping not to make a big mistake, "That I recognize that feeling you describe. Like already knowing you for quite a while. As if there were a connection I only yet notice."
His eyes widened at my answer, he probably expected that I would be confused, not understanding what was going on.
"Yes... a connection... that fits", he mumbled, looking to the ground before catching my eyes again. "If you wouldn't mind... after all of this is over, I would like to explore that... connection. Something just feels off."
I nodded in agreement, but thought by myself that if he really had no idea what was going when this was all over, my plan failed. I hoped the last night brought back every missing piece and that this conversation would turn out that I would explain to him what I expected to happen. But his very first words showed me, that he was still unsure and that he couldn't really connect my face to his dreams. Also something that left me quite uneasy. Of course I had no way of truly knowing how the memories returned to their owner, but after he saw me and not immediately pointed his finger declaring me a witch that poisoned his dreams, I knew something was different. And that soft, confused approach from a few moments ago, as sweet as it was, was really not what I needed. Time was running out.
I was the first to get up the next morning and I kept away from the village. I had no desire in being there when Matthew's body came and I wanted to follow Will when he decided to leave the village. I only knew that something convinced him to come back on the day of the battle. It couldn't be Merlins words, or he would never have left. A slight suspicion grew inside me, that I couldn't see why he was turning back, because I was the very reason. But since I couldn't see my own future, I had no idea how I would manage to do that, since I there was no way I could stay with him. My only chance was to plant a seed that hopefully would turn him around at just the right time. Apropos the right time... Just around noon I watched Will storming out of his house, packed with clothes and supplies. Lucky for me he exited the village in the direction I was waiting, making it easy to follow him. I intercepted him just when Ealdor was out of sight.
"You are leaving us?" I appeared at his right side and he flinched, drawing a sword. I raised my hands in a defensive gesture. "Sorry if I startled you."
"Cassie!", he uttered and put the sword away. "What are you doing here?"
"The real question is, what are you doing here?", I replied, nodding towards his bearings.
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I am leaving. I have no desire to see my people slaughtered." During his talk with Merlin he was ruled by anger and judgement. Now he just seemed tired and beaten down.
"Then don't. Stay and help them fight."
"To die like everyone else? No. Matthew died, you know that? And more will follow."
I nodded. "I know. But maybe it will be one less if you would be there."
He shrugged and blushed about my shown faith in him. I only smiled and offered him a hand. He hesitated, long, but then he finally took it, returning with me to the village.
I spend the rest of the day keeping an eye on Will and avoiding Arthur's eye on the other hand. Something changed, I could sense it and the fact that Gwen, Morgana and Hunith came to me separately, telling me that Arthur wanted to talk to me and quietly asking themselves why, was only the least strongest indicator. I was glad that Arthur was obviously able to sort out his strongest priorities and not come after me immediately. But so was I and that was because, right at this moment, Arthur was not my priority. Will was. He had to pass me to disappear after the prince's speech, as I was standing in the doorway. I followed him quietly, watching as he took his stuff once again, looking at it thoughtfully. I made a small noise and he lifted his head, looking at me.
"I am leaving at dawn", he said without any emotion. "If you would like to join me, you are very welcome." Then he turned his back.
So that was an issue I would deal with tomorrow. Which brought me to the other topic at hand. Arthur. I would have to talk to him now. There wouldn't be any better time. I turned around and intercepted the prince when he was on his way out. Hunith and Merlin were already on their way towards home, talking about Arthur probably discovering Merlin's secret. Gwen and Morgana stayed behind, still chatting with the villagers.
"I heard you were looking for me?" The tone I used was different from the get-go, confident, teasing, much more like my spiritual self.
"You!", Arthur hissed, not particularly angry, but still not happy. He grabbed my arm and dragged me through the village. He grabbed a torch with the other hand and continued to drag me along until we reached the same spot we talked yesterday. Arthur stuck the torch between a few branches to give us light and then turned around, his eyes almost more light than the flame next to his face.
"I see you finally have all the pieces. I was starting to get worried", I said, still teasing him.
His breath became heavy, he took a few steps towards me, letting his eyes gliding all over my body, noticing every detail.
I shivered like he had actually touched me. "Aren't you going to say something?" This silence made me nervous.
"Who are you?"
Something led me to believe that this short, pressing delivered question was much more important than it seemed to be and I answered with the according seriousness: "I am Cassandra. A prophet and a telepath, send by the Editor to protect you and Merlin."
He raised his hand, briefly touching my arm. "You are here. Your body. Awake."
I nodded, no sure what he was getting at.
"I remember. Everything. Every dream, every conversation we had."
I nodded again. "That was the point."
He stared a bit through me, like he was talking to himself. "I do not know if what you said is true. If Merlin is a sorcerer or not. But I know you are. You have magic, you used it on me and now you are here. I can touch you. I can hurt you. I can... capture you."
Okay, I really did not like where this was going. Time to change the direction. I took a step forward and, surprisingly, he did not flinch at all when I raised my hand, although he was unarmed. He probably thought I couldn't do much to him without my powers. He was kind of right. I touched his cheek like I wanted to do all the time since he arrived in Ealdor two days ago. He shivered, but didn't pull back so I got braver. I took the second hand, framed his face and came even closer. He was so tall, I actually had to look up to him when I was this close.
"But you won't do that. Will you?" My voice was very quiet, steady, and I still framed his face but I hoped somehow he knew that I wasn't using any magic on him.
"No... not yet." His voice was as quiet as mine and the look in his eyes very thoughtfully. He suddenly layed his hands on my shoulders, to any bystander it would look like a hug.
"Thank you." For some reason, that was important to be said. That thing has been the greatest risk for me, that he took me in, the second he knew what I had done, and would bring me back to Camelot, getting me killed.
"I cannot say why", he stated, searching in my eyes for the answer. "It should be the most natural thing to do for me, but still..."
I smiled. "Believe it or not, I do not know why either. From the moment we cut the connection, everything was your decision. Can you feel it? I haven't connected with you yet."
He closed his eyes and brought his face down, leaning his forehead against mine. "But I can still feel it. The bond that ties me to you. The hole that filled as soon as everything snapped into place..."
My eyes got wide, unseen by him. He felt it too? The void, where the connection should have been? The suction towards each other? For me it resembled the bond with Merlin kicking in, our connection that now built a triangle, like it was suppose to be, which I suddenly knew. But for him, unpractised in reading the signs like that, it must've felt like a indefinable, giant uneasiness that finally soothed. His bond to Merlin has been there before I started all of this, and when I bonded with Merlin, we were still broken off. Now was the very first time, everything was in place. And I was sure, the last remaining headache would disappear, as soon as I build up the connection between our minds again. If I could feel it and Arthur could feel it too, the emptiness when I was away, was that the reason Merlin acted so strange when he saw me? Because, just like me, he was sensitive enough to notice that something was put into place that should have been there before but wasn't? That, since he was the first to be connected to both other parties, something finally felt right? If so, he hid it very well. And got his priorities as straight as we did, not mentioning anything. Suddenly I knew, that when I connected my mind to Merlin's and Arthur's at the same time, levelling everything up, it wouldn't just feel right, it would be divine. But that couldn't be until a different issue was solved.
"Do you know why I am here?", I asked, breaking our special moment, even though a part of me screamed how stupid I was for doing so.
Arthur opened his eyes again, retrieving his head. I lowered my hands and let them rest on his chest. "You wanted to prove to me, that Merlin is a sorcerer."
I gave him a firm nod. "And if you saw that tomorrow, Merlin using magic, will you believe me? Have trust in me and my words although you can't check them? Let me confront and advise you in magical problems you really need to know about? And, most importantly, let me connect to you again, taking your memories of all of this, while you are awake? Letting me continue on the road I have already been?" Something in me giggled, the melody of my words resembled wedding vows, but I was paying no attention to that. This was far too important to be mocked with.
Arthur was silent for something that felt like an eternity, his response was all the more simple. "Yes."
I stared at him. Yes. That's all he said. Yes. And, wasn't that was I needed? What I wanted to hear? A simple yes? "Good", I said. Startled at first, but then more joyful. A bright smiled bloomed on my face and I beamed at him, with glowing eyes for sure. I felt like I just lost a ton of weight. There was another suspicious voice, reminding me that he could lie out here and that his one-word response was very atypical, but I shoved it aside. I already had the connection, I could bond whenever I wanted. I had the power here. But having his consent just felt a thousand times better. Not able to stop myself, I hugged him for real, wrapping my arms around him, letting my chin rest on his shoulder. I barely managed that by balancing on my toes but he surprisingly made this easy for me by returning my hug, rising me up a little.
"I missed you", I whispered in his ear and he hugged me tighter. It was interesting to see Arthur's soft spot on my own, because my visions offered none at the time. At least not that kind of soft spot. That came later, but I refused to think about it with every inch of my body. I wanted to live in the present.
I was still in a very good mood, when the sunlight woke me up. Sunlight? Shit! I got dressed as quickly as possible and rushed out of the house. It couldn't be very late, everyone else had still been asleep but Will said he left at dawn. And yes, the door to his house was already standing open. I stood in the middle of village, unsure where to turn, until I followed my gut, making my way to the place I intercepted him yesterday. And indeed, Will's back appeared when I walked up the little hill surrounding Ealdor. He had a very slow pace and some narcissistic part in me wanted that this was because he waited for me to come with him. Either way, I caught up to him before Ealdor even was out of sight. He turned his head when he heard my steps, an almost comical mix of expressions following. At first he seemed surprised and relieved to see me, then there was simple joy I was there, but the second he noticed that I had no belongings or anything with me, his face darkened and I could see him swallow. The moment I reached him, he looked at me emotionless.
"You can't keep me from going", he said, starting the conversation.
Good, because that was not what I wanted. I just wanted for him to come back later. "I could yesterday."
"Yesterday was different. Haven't you heard the speech your great prince gave last night? It isn't enough that all the men will die, no! Now he must lead all the women towards their doom too! When the dust settles, nothing will be left!"
I tilted my head. "Maybe, maybe not. But you won't be here to see, will you? You won't be here to make a difference."
He blinked at my answer and then shook his head. "I am not a fighter. There is nothing I can do."
"You can always do something", I started but he interrupted me, suddenly all angry again:
"Yeah? How would you know?! You do not know me! Or this village! You have no business being here!" His tone changed as he approached me, taking my hand into his. "Come with me! You have nothing that binds you there! We could start over!" His blue eyes, so similar to Arthur's and yet so different, were piercing through mine.
I gave him a sad smile and decided to go full risk: "I do have something there. Someone that gives me hope. The same person you could have."
He took a step back, dropping my hand. "Merlin? What is your business with him?"
"Not Merlin. Not directly. But someone equally important."
He pulled a face. "The prince? Are you also blinded by his words?"
I shook my head. "I am never blind. The opposite, actually. I can see much more than I should be able to."
He snorted, it sounded a bit confused. "What? Are you some kind of prophet? Can you tell the future?"
Bingo. Not that this term would mean something to him. "Something like that. And that is why I am here! To tell you to stay close. Something terrible will happen if you don't." That wasn't even a lie. He was too stunned to say something and I pulled my hand out of his. Suddenly confident that I said everything needed to be said I gave him a last encouraging smile and turned on my heels, disappearing in the village. I could feel his stare between my shoulders for quite a while after I was back in the house.
I had done everything I could. I planted the seeds inside Arthur and Will, hoping for them taking the shape I needed. But it was far too early to tell. Which didn't stop me from watching everything very closely. Will was gone, but that was nothing to worry about. The small poking in the back of my head, whispering that it was this very morning were the first equal conversation between Arthur and Gwen took place, well, I tried my best to ignore that. Which meant I wasn't at all successful because I crept behind some tree to watch everything unfold. I hadn't considered this specific variable when I made my plan and was relieved and disappointed at the same time, when Arthur only seemed a bit more thoughtful than I originally recalled from my vision.
I was even more unsure, when I stood at the door during Arthur's conversation with Merlin, trying hard not to feel like a spy, following him around, eavesdropping in his chats like that. But that was the perfect opportunity for him to ask Merlin about his magic. I had instructed him yesterday to simply not do that, for Merlin couldn't suspect anything. And again, anything went smoothly, just like I remembered.
"Cassandra! Inform Arthur, they crossed the river!", Morgana shouted towards me. Okay, not everything like I remembered.
Just when Arthur stopped talking, I took Morgana's place and appeared in the doorway. "Arthur? They've crossed the river."He followed me out, leaving Merlin behind.
"Were will you be? If I recall correctly, you are not the fighting type. At least not with a sword", he muttered to me as we were walking.
I tilted my head. "I'll be nearby, giving everyone I can connect with a pretty bad headache. And I will distract Will at the right moment."
He looked at me. "And when would that be?"
I left his question unanswered since we reached the others. Didn't matter anyway. He would see. Hopefully he understood that he couldn't behave like he was too sure. That was also something I already told him. But who knows how he will react when he finally knows my words to be truthful.
The battle unfolded like I had seen it, plus a few men, screaming with their hands at their heads, which were stupid enough to target me. That offensive use of my powers drained me, more than it should, and I saw a few villagers, looking irritated. But since none of them even had a name in my visions, I wasn't worried. Will also arrived at the perfect moment and I allowed myself a little sigh of relief. I quickly made sure I got close to thim, which almost got me killed by Kanen himself, but I jumped ahead early enough to dodge his mace and his horse, rolling over towards the two men. I ran the last part after Merlin had already started his spell. Everyone else was busy with fighting, none heard him say the magic words, except me of course.
"What is he doing?", I asked Will, who hastily turned around, turning red. Merlin was too occupied to even notice my question and I asked again, laying my hands at Will's chest.
"Cassandra! Please, don't worry... he isn't... evil or something like that.", Will stuttered and turned more towards me, gripping my shoulders. I had to suppress a deviant smile. Exactly as I wanted to. I knew what Arthur would see know, when he looked. Merlin's tall figure at the right side, only his back and one hand to be seen, me next to him, head turned towards the storm he conjured and Will's profile, since he was fully turned to me, both of his hands laying on my shoulders, disqualifying him from being the one with magic.
Merlin let go of his spell and I knew that the moment I wanted to create was over. I pulled my hands back, as did Will, and turned to look at Merlin. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, a very serious expression on his face. I would also have to talk to him. Simply reassuring him, that he didn't need to worry. The wind was working in our favour and dissolved as quickly as it came. Merlin opened his mouth, but didn't got the chance to say something. Kanen's fight with Arthur started and I didn't notice how I grabbed Merlin's arm, clutching it tight as I watched. When Arthur turned towards us, after Kanen fell, his expression changed when he saw my hand around Merlin's arm. So I quickly let go.
"Who did that?"
We exchanged a look before Merlin asked: "What?"
"Wind like that doesn't just appear from nowhere", Arthur stated. "I know magic when I see it. One of you made that happen."
He studied all three of us, his face didn't give anything away. I guess he was a much better actor, than I thought. Although I noticed that his eyes were set on Merlin, even before he said "Arthur..." in a very soft voice, only to be interrupted by Kanen's last attempt to kill the prince. Will saved him, just like I had seen, and I closed my eyes in pain when I heard the 'Thump' of an arrow hitting Will's chest. I rushed by his side, just like Merlin and Arthur did, not noticing any word that was said. My eyes were glued to Will's face, not letting go of his hand even when they brought him inside the nearest house. It was not only Arthur Will looked at when he told his lie about possessing magic, his eyes were so full of hope that I wouldn't betray him, that I would protect his best friend just like he did, tears started to assemble in my eyes, making my vision blurry. Arthur played along, although I saw his clenched fists beneath the table, and how he gave me some accusing looks while doing so.
After the prince and everyone else except me and Merlin disappeared, Will talked again.
"I was right about him. I told you he's gonna get me killed", he said, shaking and shivering while trying to grin. But that disappeared after he focused me. "You have to keep it", he continued, pressing my hand with every strength he got left. "Merlin is a great man. And one day, he will serve a great king. You have to keep his secret."
Now I really bursted into tears, nodding and mumbling "Yes, of course", all over again.
Will looked at his childhood friend. "Now you can still make that happen", he told him, even more struggling than a moment before.
"Thanks to you", Merlin replied, a soft smile on his lips.
"This place has been boring without you... and it got only a bit better when Cassie arrived." He pressed my hand again. "Thank you, for being there, turning me back.", were his last words to me.
And "Good to see you again", the last ones towards Merlin. Me, being an extra variable in this conversation robbed him of the time to tell how scared he was, like he did in my vision, and I had no idea how I felt about that. Well, actually I did. After his struggle stopped and Merlin closed the eyes of the now dead body, I broke down, crying and sobbing. That was brutal. The pain and the guilt were overwhelming me. I was used to being a bystander, watching from the distance as people suffered. But now? Not only witnessing that pain, but causing it? Being the direct reason he died, like he had confirmed moments before his death? A confirmation I didn't need, because almost all my time here, I was more or less plotting for him to die. Moving him around like a pawn by my own hand, actually doing something than just letting it happen. That was nothing I experienced before and the weight was crushing me.
I barely noticed Merlin, wrapping his arms around me, tears also on his face.
"I am sorry, I am so sorry", I repeated, over and over again. "I made him turn back, I brought him back, I led him to his death. I am so sorry."
"It is not your fault." He could hardly speak. "I do not know you very well, but you managed to get into Will's heart and that means something. And he thanked you for what you've done. Thanked you for reminding him who he is and where he belongs. Do not blame yourself for what happened." My sobbing got even worse. He had no idea what I knew and what I had done. He should hate me. I should resent the comfort he offered by pulling me even tighter towards him, but I couldn't. It felt so good to bear my face in Merlin's chest, the rings of his chainmail cooling my crying-hot face.
"I will keep it. Your secret.", I mumbled in his chest.
"What?", he asked and I pulled only far enough away that I could look in his eyes.
"I will keep your secret. I suspected something before, I overheard a conversation between you and your mother, but I didn't really know what to make of it then." That was a lie, of course, while they were talking I had my special moment with Arthur.
Merlin looked like he wanted to say a lot, but out of his mouth came only: "Thank you. I appreciate it."
I nodded, but couldn't bring myself to smile. I felt like I would never smile again. It wasn't only Will's death I had caused instead of prevented, it was also the fact that I mourned more for my own innocence, than for the actual life that got taken today. Which made my guilt and my self-hate for that grow even more.
The rest of the day flew by me without really noticing it. Will's body got burned outside the village, I helped to build the pyre. I also just barely noticed Arthur playing his role further. My respect for him grew with every minute. It must be very hard for him to keep that charade, Arthur was a pretty straight-forward person. And knowing that he only did all of that because he layed his faith in me and my words, that I could see it all and that I would know when the right moment for him to act was. On any other day, I would have loved this strong sign of his faith, but right now, it felt like someone was mocking me. No, not someone. The Editor. This was her punishment for disobeying her and her plan for me. I swallowed. If that growing hole inside me was the price I would have to pay for actions like that, I would never do it again.
Hunith offered me to stay, but I declined. I explained to her that I did not belong here more than Merlin did. Actually I belonged with him, and with Arthur, but of course I couldn't say that. Instead I told her something about everything here remembering me of Will. When she gave me her condolences about losing a young love that early, I almost vomited with self-despise. But I gave her a sad smile and a Thank you. But different than the others, I would leave the next morning. I was able to reach my home in a day's march and I had no need to cut that in half and spend the night in the woods. Morgana gave me a nod and a smile, Guinevere hugged me and said if I would ever be in Camelot, I should visit her. That surprised me since we barely talked, but my smile was honest. As honestly as I could make it considering what lay ahead. Merlin also hugged me and said I should only ask if I would ever need anything. Arthur's goodbye was even shorter than Morgana's, but felt a lot more intense. He grabbed my hand and placed a kiss on its back, telling me he had a feeling we would see each other again soon. And he was right. Of course he was.
And... finished! What do you think? When I wrote that, I got the feeling this chapter just didn't want to be finished. But I am pretty satisfied with how it turned out. And with that, ten down, three more to go. Although this was already the emotional highlight I think. Apropos emotional, I hope I delivered everything properly... let me know!
I am sorry to say that there will be a at least 2 week break! I am on vacation without anything to write properly. When I am home I will finish the last three chapters and then this story will end! I decided to give every season their own story. It was kinda more fitting. But don't worry. I have every intention to go on. I have already quite a bit planned. It could just take a while because I will be home for only one week and after that I am backpacking in New Zealand. No idea if/how/when I will be able to write there, but I'll figure something out. Promise!