I do not own Naruto, only the plot! And if there are any grammatical errors, please forgive me. I didn't double check because I wanted to update as soon as possible, enjoy! – VZ
Sakura had no idea where it went wrong. The night seemed so full of excitement and joy that she didn't even think of the possibility that anything could go awry. And now here she was, under the still glowing lights and glittering stars, searching for a certain artist who had gone missing just moments before.
Questions and worries swirled in her head, making a frown mar her lovely face.
Had he seen the kiss that she had shared with Itachi? If so, was that the reason he had fled?
Her pink brows furrowed as she weaved through the crowds relentlessly, her eyes scanning the area for a familiar blonde head.
The pinkette rushed around like a madwoman, brushing by people and stepping on a few toes in the process. Maybe even knocking over some chairs or stands here and there.
However she couldn't find it in her heart to care, not at the moment anyway.
No, she was much too busy worrying for Deidara.
Deidara…
Just thinking his name made her spine tingle and her toes curl.
As beautiful and intense Itachi's words were, Deidara's confession had also struck a chord within her.
But then again, it could just be guilt.
Did she feel the same way for him? Did she even feel anything for him?
Before she could answer her own questions, something scurried over her foot.
She instantly caught it with her deft hands and incredible speed.
Slowly, she released the fist her hand was in, revealing the last thing she expected, but was relieved to see.
In her palm, was a white, clay spider.
Although, it looked different.
Her green eyes inspected it further, only to confirm her earlier suspicions.
The spider's head was lopsided and it only had five working legs. She noticed that two of them were crooked and one was even slightly squished.
Confusion filled her instantly.
Only one person could have made this, but the medic-nin knew something had to be wrong.
There was no way that Deidara, a master of his art, could create such a poor thing.
Sakura bit her lip anxiously, something she did whenever she was nervous, a habit she had acquired around the members of Akatsuki.
She quickly scrutinized the ground in hopes of finding more clay creations that might lead her to the man she desperately needed to speak to.
Five minutes later, and a handful of misshapen spiders, she found herself on a rooftop of the highest building in the quaint little village.
The dark sky stretched above her, the silvery stars still shining beautifully.
And on that dusty old rooftop, overlooking the entire festival, which was still in full swing, was Deidara. Who was hunched, sitting on the ledge of the building, his shoulders slouched.
If Sakura was frightened before, she was terrified now.
Everything about the man before her seemed dull and depressed. Even the air around him appeared daunting. Nevertheless, she forged ahead.
Once Sakura was barely a few feet away, she opened her mouth to speak.
"Dei?"
He showed no reaction that signified him hearing her.
So she tried again, this time louder.
"Dei."
Nothing.
"Dei."
Still nothing.
"Are you okay?"
The man before her didn't bother turning around, but he sighed before replying.
"….leave me alone."
Okay, now she was sure that he was angry with her.
"Listen, I just wanted to-"
"What? Reject me? I've seen enough of you and that Uchiha. Forget about everything I said to you? Then don't bother, it's already forgotten."
The biting tone of his voice made her wince inwardly.
"Just hear me out Dei-"
"No…don't call me that."
Uncertainty coated her voice, which was getting weaker.
Never before had she seen this side of the blonde. She didn't even think about the possibility that he might have this side, an angry and cold part. It was the polar opposite of his usual cocky, devil-may care and exuberant personality. Sufficed to say, she missed that Deidara.
"It's your name isn't it?"
He grasped the ledge of the rooftop so hard that she was afraid it would splinter under his grip.
"Obviously."
"Then why?.."
"I don't want you calling me 'Dei' or 'Deidara-kun' anymore…not when you belong to him."
Sakura huffed and crossed her arms, her green eyes hardening.
"I do not belong to him."
At this he laughed.
It was a cold and harsh kind of laughter that chilled her to the bone.
"Right, sure you don't." Sarcasm dripped from his voice, making her bite her lip once more.
"He made his affections for you pretty clear Haruno-san."
The pinkette felt shock at hearing not only his words or the way he addressed her so formally, but the way he said it. As if they were complete and utter strangers. Suddenly, it felt like there was a gap between them. A breach that steadily grew bigger and bigger until it was a gaping trench that was as deep as it was long. Making her feel miles apart from someone she had grown close to. From someone she had come to care for. But then again, was it just mere friendship she felt for the blonde? Or did it go deeper? Deeper like the hole in her chest every time he spoke so coldly to her.
"Stop it, why the hell are you acting like this? What happened to 'Sakura-chan'? And what happened to my friend who used to be nice to me?"
The questions that left her lips like water flowing from a dam were loud and clear, demanding an answer from the man slouching before her.
"Friend huh?..." From where she could stand, she could see him shake his head and tremble slightly.
"You owe me an explanation." Sakura prompted.
"No…I don't owe you anything."
And with that, Deidara abruptly stands on the ledge, his feet balancing his weight perfectly.
As he shoved both his hands into his clay pouch, he still wasn't facing her, not even when the mouths on his palms started chewing and spitting out yet another clay creation.
Sakura watched with a heavy heart while he worked.
She didn't know what to say.
A part of her really, desperately wanted to push him some more for answers. Yet the way he replied. It sounded like he was so tired, so lost and weary. Like the way several patients in her village sounded when they knew they were going to die. That they knew it was absolutely pointless and that it was useless to even try fighting anymore. It was the voice of someone who had lost all hope. It was an unpleasant sound that grated your heart and made your eyes water.
"Goddammit!"
The loud cuss ripped her brutally from her inner musings and brought her back to reality. Where Deidara was glaring daggers at his signature white bird. Big enough to ride on, the same design of the one she had ridden earlier tonight.
Except it was different. Its head was drooping to the left side pathetically and one wing was in a rather odd looking angle. She doubted it could even fly.
"I can't even make anything anymore!"
Anguish swirled around him forebodingly. Her green eyes glanced at the white breature who tried flapping its wings, however it failed rather miserably.
"I hate it."
Her attention was instantly on the blonde who had spoken so quietly that her ears strained to hear it.
"De-" Sakura stopped herself; afraid of how he would react if she said the wrong thing.
"I fucking hate it!"
He was cursing now, which was never a good sign.
"I hate how much it hurts."
The pinkette could only watch as his tanned arm came up to his left chest where his hand clawed at his shirt. Much like how a drowning man would clutch a lifeline.
"Do you have any idea what it feels like to have your heart ripped out of your chest?"
His voice was still bitter and angry, a dangerous combination that made her heart ache.
"Or to have it break into so many pieces you couldn't even count them?"
Deidara was facing the ground, where they were many children playing with toys and couples pointing at the sky and watching the stars shine.
An awkward and tense silence followed, one that she wanted to break yet his rigid form made her hesitate.
"I wish I never met you."
If words were knives or weapons, then his had just stabbed a hole right through her chest.
"Please…stop this…"
No, He was relentless and he kept going. Each word sent a dagger hurtling straight into her bleeding heart.
"I wish I never saw those damn eyes of yours."
Sakura held her trembling form, in hopes of warding off the pure hate and frigid cold that radiated from his words. The more he spoke, the harsher and louder his voice got.
It scared her. Not because of his attitude towards her now, but because she might not ever be able to see that warm and arrogant smile of his again.
"I wish you never wore my shirt."
She remembered that piece of fabric. It was quite long on her tiny ten-year-old body but in fit perfectly on her real form.
Her lower lip started trembling, it might have looked weak yet she didn't care.
She just….never seen or heard…such raw and intense emotions before.
"I wish you didn't have to light the room with that beautiful smile of yours."
She wasn't sure if he was complementing or insulting her. Either way, the acid in his voice still hurt painfully.
"I wish you weren't so damn perfect." Deidara growled at her, his nails piercing the fabric and now grazing his flesh.
At this she spoke.
"I'm not-"
"You are…..to me anyways, But what does it matter?" He gave a bittersweet laugh.
"I-"
The medic-nin took a tentative step forward as he hesitated. She reached out and tried to touch the hand that was digging into his shirt quite deeply.
Not only did it look nasty and red, but also blood was beading already. Reminding her when he had bit right through the skin of his lips. The way the red blood seeped over the cracked skin, made her eyes water.
Just as she was about to brush against his skin, he immediately vanished.
Reappearing a few yards away from her, on the other side of the rooftop. And still, he didn't show his face to her.
"Don't touch me….not when you've touched him…it just…"
Itachi, he was talking about him.
Of course he'd be hurt.
Deidara had just claimed having deep affections and feelings for her and Itachi had swooped down and taken her, kissed her, marked her as his.
Never before had she felt such resentment for anyone. Sasuke was an exception to that rule though.
It seemed like both Uchiha brothers were ruining her life. Just with different methods, and she wasn't sure which one was worse.
When he spoke, it didn't have any more anger. Maybe that's what made her worry even more. This time, there was no emotion. It just sounded so….hopeless and weary.
"And finally….I wish….I-…"
He choked, taking a few breaths before looking at her.
What she saw would remain forever imprinted in her memories.
His one visible eye, blue as ever was bloodshot. His cheeks were flushed and his mouth was tilted in a sad, watery smile.
No, it wasn't his handsome features that got her attention; it was the raw emotion she saw in that one blue eye. Which was no longer as bright as the blue sky on a hot summer's day. Instead, it was dark. Much like how the depths of the ocean would appear.
And what she heard would always stay within her heart and soul.
"I wish I never fell in love with you Sakura-chan."
"Try harder! Aren't you the best tracker in our entire village?!"
Many people watched with some interest as a loud blonde, blue eyes boy, yelled at his friend.
Who had red fang like tattoos on both his cheeks and wild brown hair.
The two other boys on the other hand were just as eye catching as the first pair.
But most people didn't dwell on their looks, as handsome as they were, the majority of their attention was focused on the huge canine accompanying the boys.
"I am! But don't blame me if I can't find her as quick! It's just a bit harder cause' of all the different scents and smells in the area!" Kiba replied loudly, gesturing to their surroundings full of food stands, people and bars.
"You're useless!"
"What?!"
"You heard me dog boy!"
"C'mere and let me teach you a lesson, kit!"
Just as the boys were about to pummel the life out of each other, two calm and levelheaded voices halted them.
"Naruto." Shikamaru yawned.
"Kiba." Neji stated, glaring at the both boy's fists, which were an inch away from their counter part's faces.
"Stop it Naruto, you're just tired and worried for Sakura-chan. Nothing's wrong with that. Distracting the tracker however, is another matter entirely." The Nara heir went on, looking around for a chair he could sit on.
"Kiba, Ignore him. Just find her." Neji muttered before crossing his arms, appearing like the perfect image of a Hyuuga clan member.
"You got it." He barked with a two-fingered salute, closing his eyes and sniffing the air around them.
"I have a better idea…"
The four boys froze, instantly turning their attention towards the cloaked man standing regally in the middle of a dark alleyway in between two buildings to their left.
"How about you do as I say?"
Naruto raised a blonde eyebrow.
"Why the hell would we do that? Besides, we don't even know you."
The stranger brought up a hand and slowly unbuttoned his cloak.
Unfortunately, they couldn't see its color due to the shadows in the alley.
"Don't you?"
As the sinister figure removed his hat, revealing a head of familiar black hair, he opened his eyes.
Which were red as the blood flowing through his veins.
"Miss me dobe?"
They were all shocked, but nobody could rival the look of surprise on the demon container's face.
"S-sasuke?"
A tear fell from that one blue eye, and it split her heart into two.
Her left chest throbbed, the pain spreading and making her form almost tremble from the emotional pain.
As Deidara attempted to make another clay bird yet again, she suddenly had an epiphany.
This pain was now familiar. She had felt it a total of four times tonight.
First with Sasori, when he had kissed her so chastely, so fondly on the forehead. Second was with Deidara, when he had confessed such deep feelings for her under the stars. The third time was with Itachi, in that old inn next to the tiny bed, when he had exposed himself, bared his true and intense emotions for her. Something she didn't expect form the usually stoic and cold man. At lastly, with the rest of Akatsuki. As they crowded around the doorframe, she felt shock stab her repeatedly in the left chest.
They had watched and heard her rather heated argument with the Uchiha.
Not only was it embarrassing, it was surprising as well.
But why did she feel so guilty?
It hit her just then, much like lightning.
It finally made sense why whenever these wonderful men would confess to her, her heart always felt like it was being ripped in half. It's because it was.
However not just into two halves. Instead it's pieces, several of them, which now belonged to Akatsuki.
That must be why it hurt so damn much.
Why it literally pained her to hear such fervent and heartfelt words from them.
Why she felt guilty for feeling something for them when they confessed to her, because she felt something for all of them.
The realization that she was not only attached to them but also cared quite deeply as well, hit her hard.
She, Sakura Haruno, was strongly infatuated with members of the most feared criminal organization in the entire shinobi world.
Oh Kami help her.
The sounds of flapping pulled her from drowning into her thoughts. Only to gasp in surprise at the sight of Deidara climbing onto his clay creation, which was not crooked or oddly shaped at all.
Shock had forced her to move, lest she lose the man who she now realized that she cared for, not just platonically.
"No! Dei stop!"
The great white bird was taking flight, its huge wings gracefully slicing the air.
"Please!...Don't leave!"
She was sounding desperate now but she was far from caring.
The blonde looked at her, a sad expression on his face.
"Why? I have no reason to stay."
The bird hovered around her, its beak slightly parted.
"But what about Akatsuki? Pein will kill you."
Or at least, that's what she assumed he'd do. Sakura presumed that Akatsuki was just like any other community in the ninja society. And if you ever chose to deflect from your organization or village, it was only safe to assume that you're against them. Sufficed to say nobody, even her own village, didn't like having enemies. Especially when they might have precious information that could very well lead to your downfall.
"So?..."
"So?! Do you want to die?!" She repeated incrediously, her green eyes wide.
"I don't care if He'll kill me…not when I died already."
Tears gathered in her eyes but she refused to let them trail down her face.
"Shut up Dei, you're being irrational."
"No I'm serious, why should I bother staying when there's nothing here waiting for me?"
The pinkette furrowed her eyebrows and clenched her hands, hesitating.
When he didn't receive a reply, the bird went higher.
"Dei…please!" Her voice was hoarse and raspy, betraying how desperate and hurt she was right now.
At this, the large mass of white clay didn't stop flying up, but the blonde man riding it came down, much to her relief.
Just as she was about to reach out to him, he took a step back.
Although he still retracted from her touch, at least he didn't vanish like before.
This thought alone gave her hope.
"Don't touch me…not unless you want me the same way I want you."
Her hand froze in mid-air.
"I already feel guilty and bad. Why not add selfishness into the list?" He shrugged, his lone blue eye still shining with such deep emotion.
Deidara's hand reached out, about to brush the skin of her cheek, when he also froze.
"I still wish I didn't love you."
Sakura remained silent, stunned by his calm demeanor.
The tanned hand still hovered in mid-air, an inch away from her cheekbone. The lips on his palm puckered, as if it wanted to kiss her there.
"That way, rejection, this agony, wouldn't be so damn painful."
He frowned, the lips on his hand following suit.
Once again, his hand clutches his left chest, clawing at it till blood was seeping out.
The medic-nin wanted nothing more than to heal him, to erase evidences of his pain and hurt. Yet she knew that all she could fix was his physical suffering not the emotional ones.
Seeing him hurt himself, cause torment to himself, made her realize that his pain was hers.
That all their pain was hers to bear as well.
It explained why she couldn't let Itachi die in that tiny hut.
Why she couldn't feel anything but guilt with the thought of Sasori hurt, especially for her sake.
Although, it wasn't guilt, it was affection.
"Stop."
Deidara glanced at her then to the wound steadily growing larger and deeper on his chest.
"No."
"Why not? Please Dei, you're hurting yourself."
"Oh now you care? Just leave me alone."
It seemed like everything she said only caused him more pain, which was the last thing she wanted for him.
"I won't."
"Just…leave."
"Have you gone deaf? I said no!"
Her anger was building, frustrated at the pure stubbornness of the man before her.
"Do me a favor yeah? Have a good life with the Uchiha, I hope he makes you happy."
That was it.
Her patience, her anger, her aching heart, just couldn't take it anymore.
Sakura had kept silent, listened and tried to understand each and everyone of these confusing men, but enough was enough.
She snapped, letting lose all the pent up rage and frustration she felt the entire night.
Yes, she had given a generous amount to the Uchiha, yet it was a far cry from the whole storage of bottled up emotions she kept inside her.
"Like hell he will!"
The pinkette felt bitter satisfaction at his surprised reaction; rise of eyebrows and slightly parted mouth.
It might have been insensitive to let out all her emotions like this but there was no stopping it now.
"That pompous man would keep me on a leash for the rest of my life! He thinks I belong to him as if I was some sort of object, a prize to be won. I hated that. And how can I stand to be near a man, let alone kiss him when he treats me like that?! That's why I pushed him away! Because I felt so damn guilty that it made my heart rip into pieces!"
As she ranted Sakura, failed to notice the difference in Deidara.
The expression of sadness left the moment she said 'I pushed him away'.
And like a certain foul-mouthed jashin worshipper, a good feeling appeared in his chest.
It bubbled up inside him until it was practically begging to be released.
He could feel it. And it was like salve to the wound that rejection had inflicted on him.
No, his senses and awareness of his surroundings were no longer dulled by his depression. Now he was sharper and stronger, and now, more hopeful.
"You're not the only one here who's hurting okay?" As mortifying as it was, her voice cracked as she spoke.
Now that he noticed it, Sakura did look sad.
And so, Deidara looked, really looked.
What he saw made him feel ten times guiltier than he did earlier this evening.
Her lovely green eyes were watery and the skin surrounding it were puffy. Her nose was red and her lower lip was swollen as well.
How the hell had he not noticed she close to tears?
"And You know what?! I wish that I never met you either! I wish you didn't have to be so freaking charming and sweet. I wish you were rude and didn't act like a damn gentleman, which was so damn adorable of you…..also…..I….I wish you weren't so committed to your art like how I am with my healing….I just- I just don't want this to ache anymore."
The pinkette's voice started out loud and clear, filled with so much emotion. Then it got weaker, softer as she raised a trembling hand to her left chest. Just like him earlier.
He was wrong.
Rejection didn't come close to this kind of hurt.
Now Deidara knew why love was called a curse and a blessing.
Because when you see the one person you care for cry or hurt, it's like seeing yourself cry or get hurt. It's like experiencing the same thing twice as bad, and you didn't care if it pained you. As long as you found a way to stop your significant other from crying, and that's exactly what he wanted to do right now.
Sakura turned on her heel abruptly and walked to the door with a latch that led to the stairs that would bring her farther away from him.
"I'm sorry Deidara. I'm sorry I caused you so much pain."
But before she could open that wooden door and walk out from his life forever, he spoke. Hoping that she would listen to whatever he had to say.
"Do you feel anything for me?"
A part of her wanted to scream out 'yes!' at the top of her already tired lungs. Yet she was still confused on whom she felt had the largest piece of her heart, and she didn't want to lead him on. She didn't want to rub salt into that still hurting wound that was his broken heart.
Sakura was still so very conflicted and confused...
"…no." She whispered.
The blonde behind her shook his head in denial.
"You're lying to me."
Her hand grasped the knob hard, bending the metal.
"I'm not."
"Oh really? So you've never felt a thing for me?"
"…just friendship…"
"Liar."
He was back.
Sakura could hear it in his voice. Something changed within him, for he sounded just like his old self. Cocky, self-assured and daring.
"Even when I gave you my shirt?"
"Nope."
She was glad that her back was to him, this way; he couldn't see the tears threatening to fall.
"Or when I made you a butterfly and almost kissed you?"
"Nothing." Her voice broke at the second syllable.
She could hear his footsteps getting louder and louder, which meant he was getting closer.
"How about when I made Kumiko for you?"
Sakura wasn't sure of her voice anymore so she shook her head vigorously, ashamed of her weakness.
"Not even when I confessed to you?"
Suddenly, there was a weight pressed against her back and she knew that it was his chest.
Again she shook her head, trying her hardest to ignore his touch.
"What about now?...still nothing?"
Her breathing was heavy thanks to the heat radiating off his chest and into her skin.
His voice dropped low, husky and so damn sweet that it made her teeth ache.
Sakura braced herself and glanced at him, turning her head to the side to address him.
"It's pointless you know."
Deidara's lone blue eye met with her green ones, blazing with determination.
"No, I don't."
A hand deftly slipped in between the folds of her kimono, above the obi sash and into her dress.
Just before she was about to scream 'Rape!' he bit her softly, nibbling at the shell of her ear.
"You're such a bad liar Sakura-chan...I can feel your heart pounding...I can hear it beating for me..."
The suspicions of him groping her flew out the window and into the garbage when his palm didn't venture farther than the outer layers of her chest bindings.
His appendage settled itself right over her left chest, her heart.
Which was palpitating madly, beating so hard that she wouldn't be surprised if it crashed straight through her ribs and into his warm hand.
"Anything?"
Deidara licked, sucked and kissed the skin under her ear, where it was most sensitive.
How the hell had their argument turned into a heated confession? She'd never know.
But right now, Sakura didn't care.
"Stop it Dei."
Even to her ears it sounded breathy and pleasured, which brought a hot blush to her pale cheeks.
She really was a slut wasn't she?!
Shut up and enjoy this! Inner squealed before mewling rather wantonly.
And as much as she wanted to follow her other self's advice, she couldn't.
Not when she felt so damn conflicted.
What made it worse, was when he turned her entire body around and crushed her body to the wooden door, which was now behind her.
"Dei-"
He shut her up instantly, and quite efficiently, with the use of his lips.
If kissing two men in one night, and four in the span of a couple months wasn't a slut, then what was one?
However she didn't have time to ponder on it, right now, every thought, word and feeling was composed and caused by Deidara.
No, he didn't plunder her mouth like Itachi. Or kiss her chastely much like how Sasori had done it. And the odd thing was, it was the total opposite of how she imagined locking lips with him would be like.
As embarrassing as it was, she did wonder how the volatile bomber kissed.
Sakura assumed that he would do it like how he did his art.
Loud, explosive and violent.
This was everything but.
The man molded his lips against her own, pressing his body sensually to hers. If she had to describe this kiss, She would compare it to a fire. Smoldering, hot and vehement.
In all the kisses she'd experienced so far, she'd never really participated. Well, there was the one with Kisame, but it wasn't like this.
This….this was like burning. She was being heated to her very core with every brush of his lips, the hands buried within her short hair and the tight grip he had on her hips. It was maddening in the most delicious way possible.
Soon, she started responding, matching his vigor with her enthusiasm, and most probably in the near future, she would blush and deny ever acting so wantonly.
Yet she was.
Sakura reached up and tangled her fingers with his long blonde hair, her other hand was much bolder, exploring every muscle and line he had on his upper body, she almost moaned at the feel of his sinewy form into his mouth.
Deidara groaned before pushing her away slightly, only to nuzzle her neck affectionately.
"I've made up my mind."
"Huh?..." The medic-nin was still dazed with the scorching kiss they had just shared.
The artist chuckled and repeated what he had previously said with patience, a sanguine expression on his face.
"..about what?"
"You. I've changed my mind about you."
His tone was bordering on reverent as he spoke.
"I'm not following.."
Deidara shrugged cutely, and then continued his nuzzling.
"I was planning to forget about you, since I saw you with the Uchiha, I assumed the worst. But then you proved me wrong."
Sakura furrowed her brows but said nothing.
"A person who claims to feel nothing can't kiss like that."
Was she that bad?
It was like he could read her mind because he chuckled once more, shaking his blonde head.
"I meant it in a good way. You kissed me with so much heat and passion that I'm surprised I'm not burning over here yeah."
So her analogy with the fire was accurate.
"It doesn't matter anymore."
Sakura looked up to see the brightest shade of blue in her life, giving her chills, the good kind.
However, she couldn't return that smile due to the weight in her belly.
"Dei, I don't feel good."
"What? Are you sic-"
"No, I mean….I feel…dirty."
"Alright, now I'm not following." The hand that was buried in her pink locks, brushed away strands of hair on her face.
"I feel…like a slut."
At this, he widened his eyes.
There was a huge question mark on his face so she decided to expound her words.
"I kissed so many men Dei-"
He cut her off, a stern expression on his tanned face.
"Sakura-chan…they kissed you."
"There's no difference."
"Yes, there is."
She sighed, figuring that she wouldn't be able to win this argument. Not that she wanted to anyway.
"Don't worry about it though, you know why yeah?"
Sakura leaned against the wooden door; tired with the rollercoaster ride of emotions she had ridden tonight.
"Enlighten me."
"Glad to." He murmured, tilting her chin upwards.
They were so close that their noses brushed and all she saw was his handsome, glowing and hopeful face.
"It doesn't matter how many kisses you've had, or that I wasn't your first….but I plan to be your last."
Hope you liked it :) I made it extra long for Deisaku lovers out there. Oh, lots of love and thanks to all my faithful reviewers and readers! You guys ROCK! Till' next time :D - VZ