"Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think about us in return."
- T.H. White
*TRIGGER WARNING*:
The following chapter discusses a little bit about multiple forms of trauma that some readers may find disturbing, including, sexual assault, abuse, abandonment, and mental health. Readers discretion is advised.*
Chapter 7
January 10, 2007
Haley sat, staring at the wall. She felt so out of place, but it had become routine over the last eight months.
Before Clay even got the chance to move back from Paris, Jake, Lucas, Peyton, and Brooke had helped her move all her things into Peyton's apartment. It was pretty big (especially for one person), but Haley needed a place to stay. And she needed Peyton more than anyone at this time.
But now, of course, she didn't really need anyone. She was moving out of Peyton's apartment and into one right down the hall. She had already begun packing, and the room she was in seemed very bare and devoid of life.
She glanced down at the nail polish which was peeling off on her thumbnail.
Slowly, she rose and walked into the living room, seeing Peyton there with her daughter, Anna Elizabeth Sawyer-Jagielski, named after Peyton's adopted mom and biological mom, was a picture-perfect baby. Haley smiled. Anna was a few weeks old, but she had Peyton's huge hazel eyes and Jake's dark coloured curly hair. It seemed that the only times Haley smiled these days was when Anna was around. The rest was gloomy and horrible.
Peyton put Anna down for her nap and turned to Haley.
"Do you want to talk about this?" she asked.
"What is there to talk about?" Haley inquired blandly.
Peyton frowned. Haley had been this way ever since she lost Jamie. "Haley, I know that losing Jamie was hard for you, but have you ever thought that if you talk about it you'll feel better?" she asked.
Haley sighed and rolled her eyes. "Peyton, have you ever thought that maybe if everyone stopped treating me like a Tiffany glass and making me feel like a toddler, I might have an easier time coping?" she snapped back. Haley had become bitter and spiteful since it happened.
"Excuse me for speaking," Peyton muttered.
Haley sighed. Things had been horrible for her the last month. She hadn't seen Nathan in the last eight months, their last honest, real interaction being that awfully timed-out kiss. She hadn't seen Rachel in two or three months. She hadn't seen Brooke or Lucas in over a month. She had barely even left the apartment since losing him. She only saw Jake because he came over to play with Anna and see Peyton. Even then, Haley wasn't much for talking. She would sit out on the sun deck or in her room, reading. She had gotten back into the habit of smoking since losing him.
"Have you tried to see it from my way, Peyton? What would happen if you lost Anna?" she asked.
Peyton sighed. "Haley, I know it's hell and back for you, and I would be devastated and depressed. But smoking and cutting yourself off from everyone else is not the route to coping," she explained.
Haley sighed. "Whatever. I shouldn't have even come here."
Haley rose and walked out of the room. Peyton sighed. It was clear things could never go back to normal.
Lucas and Brooke had officially been unofficially dating for a few months now. And by that, whenever someone would talk them up at a bar, they'd politely decline, citing that they were seeing someone else, but failed to acknowledge to their friends that they had a significant other (and denied it when their friends said they were boyfriend/girlfriend).
Brooke looked at her toenails, which were just painted Barbie-pink, in contrast to her light pink nails. Lucas sat down beside her on her couch.
"I need to talk to you, Lucas," Brooke said seriously.
Lucas looked at her nervously. "Brooke, what's wrong?" he asked.
She sighed. "You know how I told you like eight months ago when Haley said that thing that made me so upset that I would tell you why it made me so upset?"
Not really following, he simply replied, "Um…yeah."
"I think I have to tell you now. Because…you're the first serious boyfriend I've had since Julian," she explained.
"Who is Julian?" he asked curiously.
"Julian was my ex-boyfriend. And when Haley asked if I ever knew what it felt like to be loved and want to do anything for someone, it was because I did, and it felt like she completely disregarded that relationship," she explained.
"What happened?" Lucas asked reluctantly.
She sighed. "He died. Two Decembers ago, he got into a car accident after he slipped on some black ice. He was going over the Gable Bridge in town and went right into the lake. He actually survived the initial impact but wasn't able to get out. He got hypothermia, but he was being dragged down with the car. If he didn't die of hypothermia first, he would've drowned. And the reason why it hurt so much was that I only told Haley," she trailed off. It was clear the memories were coming back to her, very uneasily.
Lucas put his hand on her arm, trying to soothe her. "Only told Haley what?"
A tear rolled down her eye, and Lucas's heart broke. "Haley was the only one that I told we had just gotten engaged when he died. We were engaged not even a week when he got into the car accident. God, she knew that I blamed myself for months after it happened! And I don't even know why! I just…I thought it was all my fault," she admitted.
Lucas reached out and hugged Brooke. She clung to him tightly. After the few initial outbreaks of tears, she simply sought his comfort.
"And even though it's been almost three years, you're the first person I've come even remotely close to dating," she admitted. "I just needed to wait for…a special person that I could actually picture moving on with. I want a relationship, not a rebound."
"Brooke—"
Brooke cut him off with a kiss to the lips. He kissed her back, wanting to be a relationship, not a rebound. Somehow, he knew that he would be the former.
Rachel knocked on the door to Nathan's apartment. She thought he wouldn't answer, though she was sure that he was there. He had been there often nowadays.
"Nate!" she called, knocking again. After a moment, she simply gave up and went to look for Nathan's hidden key, which was (predictably) hidden in a potted plant beside his door. She opened up his apartment. It was normally clean, tidy, and rather well-kept (unlike the male stereotype). Right now, it looked like a war zone, completely torn apart and fit the male stereotype perfectly; it may have been even worse.
Rachel knew he was there, somewhere. She just didn't know where. "Nathan! Where are you?" she asked impatiently, looking around.
She heard scribbling in one room. She opened up a spare room where he usually kept junk. It was actually pretty big when the junk was cleared out. Nathan was facing away from her, drawing something. Rachel saw that the walls had become plastered with paintings and drawings of flowers. She never knew Nathan to be a painter and was a little shocked when she saw such delicate and intricate drawings. They were pictures of pink and white hibiscus flowers, purple and white orchids, and then there were also abstract paintings using only different shades of the colour red. He didn't even look up when Rachel looked over his shoulder at what he was sketching now. It was a picture of Paris in the rain. Rachel thought that it looked pretty amazing, considering Nathan had no reference, except what Rachel assumed was his own memory.
"Wow, these are amazing, Nathan," Rachel commented as she watched his broken sketching lines.
He put down the pencil, finally looking up at Rachel. She saw that he looked dishevelled. She hadn't seen him in a while—probably two or three weeks.
"Can I ask you something, Rach?" he asked.
She nodded, waiting for what he had to say.
"Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurts you? And all that you can think about is them? You think that you might die of a broken heart?" he asked.
Rachel looked down at the paper. "I'm guessing this means something to you when it comes to your relationship with Haley," she concluded.
He didn't answer, but the look on his face said it all. "When I think about her, this is all I think about," he said. "Flowers and the colour red and Paris. I can't think of anything bad. And my mind is just being consumed by it," he admitted.
"You need to talk to her," she insinuated.
He shook his head. "I can't. And I think she made it clear that day we came back from France that nothing would ever happen and that the kiss was a mistake," he informed her.
"Then make her change her mind!" she exclaimed.
"Haley is a very tenacious person. I don't think I can get her to change her opinion on anything," he said sheepishly, looking down at his drawing again. It was the same exact view that the two of them had that night in the café. Most people's memories of one particular scene would have become obscure over a period of eight months but Nathan remembered it exactly. He remembered the exact way the moonlight hit the shimmering pavement, and the exact make and model of every single car on that street. He remembered the exact shade of the wall in the café, as it provided a framework for the scene outside. He remembered the names of the stores and restaurants across the street. He remembered the very faint Eiffel Tower on the horizon. On the picture, it was in the top left-hand corner, the lights beginning to shine. He remembered it all.
"I'm bringing you to talk to her," Rachel announced.
"Rachel, no," he answered, hanging up the photo next to some others on a clothesline with clothespins.
Rachel walked into his direct path of vision so he couldn't avoid looking at her. "Nathan, this will never get better until you confront her on it. It's probably not as bad as you think it is."
"And what if it's worse?" he inquired.
"How could it possibly worse?"
He shrugged. "She hates me?" he suggested.
She shook her head. "Nathan, don't be ridiculous. She could never hate you. She probably isn't even mad. What reason would she have to be?"
He shrugged again. "I don't know…" he trailed off. "It's not a good idea."
"Sometimes coal is actually gold covered in a layer of soot. Come on. We're going," she said, dragging him out of the room, which Nathan allowed reluctantly.
Peyton washed a plate and put it on the drying rack before washing her hands. She looked over her shoulder. Haley's door was slightly ajar. A moment later, as if Peyton had summoned her telepathically, Haley came out. She went through her bag, which was sitting on a chair. Peyton couldn't figure that out, seeing as Haley barely ever left the apartment. She took out a box of cigarettes and a lighter. Peyton sighed. She was beginning to feel like Haley's mother.
"I was going to ask you to watch Anna while I go to the store, but now I won't," she commented.
"I could watch her, Peyton," Haley insisted.
"No, you can't. I won't let you. You know my rule about smoking around Cassidy," she reminded Haley.
Haley sighed. She put the cigarette away and the lighter. She didn't like the taste, but it was like a release, for some reason. She felt in control for once.
"Thank you," Peyton responded, seeing that Haley put it all away. She grabbed for her jacket near the doorway.
Haley nodded. "I probably shouldn't be smoking anyway," she muttered.
"No, you shouldn't," Peyton agreed.
Haley sighed, going into Anna's nursery. She picked the baby girl out of her crib and brought her into the living room. She rocked her gently, patting the little girl's back as she slept.
After a few minutes, Haley heard the door knock. She sighed and got up to get it, Anna still in her arms.
She tried to suppress all her shock when she saw Nathan standing in the doorway. "Haley. I need to talk to you," he said.
She stared at him, her big brown eyes full of some undetectable emotion. It may have been fear, shock, anger, or all of the above.
Haley stood at the door, Anna sleeping soundly in her arms as she stared at Nathan.
"It's been eight months," she began.
"I know. But when we talked at the airport, I got the impression that you never wanted to see me again," he told her.
She walked away from the door, but left it open, indicating that she wanted Nathan to follow her. Nathan did so, closing the door behind him, and watching Nathan intently. Haley sat on the couch, while Nathan sat across from her in a seat, staring her down.
"What made you think that I never wanted to see you again?" she asked quietly and in a childlike manner.
He shrugged. "When we got back, you said you regretted the kiss and wished it didn't happen. I just thought that it meant you didn't want anything to do with me."
Haley looked down at the flooring underneath her feet, thinking. "That's not what I meant," she murmured. "It's the total opposite," she said extremely quietly, so Nathan could only make out that she was mumbling.
"Can you just tell me now?" Nathan asked desperately.
Haley sighed, looking down. She didn't even want to face him. "There's a lot that I need to tell you, which I haven't said. To anyone, really. You're not the reason that I haven't been speaking to you…or to anyone really," she revealed.
"Can we talk about this? Over dinner?" he inquired hopefully.
She stared at him before nodding. "I would like that," she admitted, before looking down at Anna.
Nathan was taken aback a little by how great Haley looked with and cared for a child. He found it endearing and candid, unknowingly knowing she had a lot of practice over these past eight months.
"Come back in an hour? Peyton is going to be at the store, and when she comes back, I need to get ready," she said.
He nodded. He left and realized he was really excited and anxious.
Am I going on a date with Haley James?
Nathan arrived back at Peyton's apartment. Peyton answered this time, with Anna on her hip. She smiled when she saw Nathan.
"I'm guessing that you're not here to see me," she said with a smile.
Before he could answer, Peyton looked over her shoulder and shouted. "Haley!"
Haley emerged from her room a moment later looking absolutely stunning. She didn't have on anything extremely fancy—just a red skirt with an oversized, off-black cable-knit sweater and red flats—but Nathan thought she couldn't have looked more beautiful. Her hair was styled in a loose fishtail braid on one side and grabbed a plain black, fitted coat from the closet.
"Are you ready?" she asked.
He nodded. He was more ready than he ever had been.
"Don't do anything Brooke wouldn't do," Peyton whispered to Haley with a smile creeping on her face.
Normally, Haley would've rolled her eyes and scoffed, but Haley was in better spirits that day. She tried to conceal a smirk and said, "Whatever you say, Peyton."
Haley slipped on her coat and walked over to Nathan, walking out of the door.
Haley and Nathan sat down for dinner at a restaurant. Haley had been avoiding thinking about something for a lot of the night, but it was something she could no longer ignore.
"Nathan, I need to tell you something, because if I don't, I'll regret it. I've already been hiding it for too long," she murmured, thinking about it in retrospect.
Nathan stared at her, waiting for an explanation.
Haley sighed, closing her eyes. "When you and Brooke and Peyton and everyone else kept telling me that Clay was cheating, I already knew. I had found the things already. A lot of them. But I couldn't face it. I wanted to believe it wasn't true since I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. Because there was something that I thought was holding me back, though I wasn't certain. But when I saw the woman in his room, I knew it had to be over. And that same night I found out for sure," she said vaguely.
"Found out what?" he asked nervously.
She bit her lip. "I was pregnant."
"Was?" he asked.
She closed her eyes as if pressing back tears with her eyelids. "The baby—it was a boy—died. I gave birth to him and he didn't survive. He had SIDS, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome." She choked on those words, recalling finding him in his crib, lifeless. "It was Clay's baby. And I thought I was pregnant, and I didn't want my child growing up without a father, but when I saw it for myself, I didn't care. I wanted him to have nothing to do with Clay," she explained, her lip quivering, her eyes swelling with tears.
"Haley, I'm so sorry," he said sympathetically.
She shook her head. "I'm not sorry for me. I'm sorry for Jamie. That was his name," she answered softly. "And I've been trying hard not to face it, and some days are good, but some days are terrible. I don't want to keep reliving the past. I want to move on."
She looked down at her hands. "But I don't know where to begin again," she informed him.
"Did you think that you couldn't tell me any of this?" he asked sadly.
She sighed. "I didn't think that. I just knew that if I told you…it would change a lot of things. I didn't want you to see me like that. I didn't want to be…weak," she said, the word coated thickly with caustic acid, burning as it left her mouth.
"I know who you are. You don't have to fear that," he answered, shaking his head.
"I didn't want you to see me like that," she repeated, muttering. "I didn't know how to act after that kiss! I didn't know what to say to you. I felt like I was betraying someone by doing that because I was…" she began, trailing off in thought.
"If I knew, I wouldn't have done it," he insisted.
She shook her head. "I'm glad you did," she revealed quietly. "It made me put things in perspective," she said with a weak smile.
He saw right through it. "Hales, you don't have to put up the façade for me. I don't care about you crying. In fact, I like it. You don't have to be the epitome of perfection all the time," he said.
Even though you really are.
He sighed. "In fact, I find it one of your most beautiful manifestations," he disclosed.
She lit up, looking up at him. "You do?" she inquired innocently, a childlike glow illuminating her dark eyes.
He nodded. "When you were crying in the alley, I couldn't have asked for a better time to be around. You weren't trying to be someone you weren't. You were being a real person," he said.
A few conversations later, Haley found herself smiling for the first time in what felt like forever.
"Have you spoken to Clay?" Nathan asked without thinking.
Haley froze.
Nathan shook his head. "I'm sorry, Hales. We don't have to talk about that if you don't want to," he apologized.
"I want to talk about that," she revealed. "I've been thinking about it a lot, and I've been wondering about what someone else would say, thinking about it," Haley said. "And I want to tell you about it."
He nodded.
She sighed, continuing. "I met Clay when we started college. He became one of my best friends." She gulped. "He was there for me when I was eighteen and…my boyfriend…he…raped me," she choked out, wincing as the reality of what she just said set in. She looked up and saw Nathan looking sympathetic for her. She shook her head. "Before you feel sorry for me, you need to understand—we had been dating for a really long time and us never…I was—"
"So? Haley, it doesn't matter. Wrong is wrong," Nathan argued. "That's a lot to deal with. Especially having something as horrific as that being your first time."
She bowed her head, looking down at her thumbs. "Clay said that to me when I told him. I was recovering for two years before we started dating." She sighed, looking crestfallen and on the verge of tears as she remembered. "He was the first person who made me feel good about myself. I felt like I was a doormat for my entire life, and he was the first person who made me feel like something more. Besides Peyton, Lucas and Brooke, of course," she amended. She continued, "And then, about three years into our relationship, probably about the time we got engaged, things started to change with him. He started treating me as if I were inferior. He started to make subtle digs at me. He was irritable more often than not. When he drank, he started to get verbally abusive and made me feel bad about myself. And then he hit me a couple of times. He told me, while he was drunk, that I was neglecting him. There's only a number of times a person can hear something before they start to believe that it's true. And I started believing it. I don't know why things started to change. I guess when I started to open my eyes when I became friends with Rachel and Jake and…you," she said quietly.
He remained silent. "Were you falling out of love with him?"
She began drawing swirls in the condensation on her glass of water. "I kept telling myself that I wasn't. But I realized that last night in Paris that I didn't want to be there. I didn't even want to last the night. I didn't want to last for the rest of my life. And I fled that night. I've been running for months, from everything…from reality. When is it going to be time for me to stop running and be still?" she asked sardonically.
She looked down, not gathering the courage to tell him this to his face. "That's what I liked so much about you. You knew how to be still while I just keep running," she admitted.
"I don't—"
"You're patient. You're willing to wait for everything, even if it takes a thousand years. People say that the nice guys don't get very far but…I have a feeling that you're going to find a girl who can love you just as much as your friends do. A girl who can be still and be tame for you."
And that girl isn't me.
But that girl can be you.
"I've never been a girl to just wait around. I'm watching all my friends grow and go to places and I can't. I'm running in the past. Peyton and Jake are happy being Anna's parents. Brooke and Lucas are in love. You're successful. I'm stuck. A runner like me is stuck. I can't be this way. But I don't know what to be anymore," she said.
"You don't have to be anything except for Haley. You're amazing. And I know you'll find someone someday who can keep up with you," Nathan added with a somewhat forced smile.
Haley bit her lip. "There's a reason that cheetahs don't run in packs. They can stay the night, but they can never last the long haul," she explained.
"Don't you believe in love?" he asked innocently.
She sighed. "Love is like a broken promise…all it ever does is breaks and burns and ends." She looked down. "And from this experience, that was one thing I learned."
He looked at her sadly. "Not everyone is like Clay," he said meekly.
"All the good ones are taken or gay or too good to be true," she retorted. She sighed. "It's late and I'm tired, Nathan. Can we please just call it a night?" she inquired.
He sighed but nodded.
"I'm sorry if I bored you tonight with my recollections and flashbacks. But it was nice having someone to talk to," Haley said as Nathan walked her back to Peyton's apartment.
Nathan nodded. "I enjoyed hearing it. I was glad to finally have heard things from your point of view," he replied honestly.
She paused in the hallways, making Nathan freeze, as well. She came up with an idea. "Do you want to see my new apartment?" she asked.
He nodded. She led him down the hall, to the very last apartment on that floor. She picked out a key off of her keychain and opened the door. She opened it and led him into a room filled with boxes and boxes, with some furniture, but a very minimal amount: a couch, TV, and Spencer knew that she would be moving the bed into her bedroom soon.
"It's nice. Not big, but not small, either. You're just one person," Nathan said without thinking.
She nodded, not noticing how Nathan hoped he could stick his foot in his mouth after that comment. She still picked up on his uneasiness, however, not offended or upset by the comment. "I believe that everything happens for a reason. You don't have to walk around the topic like you're tiptoeing on eggshells around me, Nathan," she said.
"Right."
She looked around the apartment, taking it in herself.
"Do you actually have anything left in Peyton's apartment?" Nathan asked.
"I have some clothes left in the closet, a few pairs of shoes, and my bed. That's about it," she confessed.
He nodded. "So you're pretty much set."
"Yup. I think I'm moving everything else within the next few days," she announced. He nodded. She felt like he was challenging her. "It's a relief for me," she insisted.
"I believe you," he assured her.
Haley locked the door of her new apartment as she and Nathan walked back down the hall to Peyton's.
She smiled as they got to the door. "Well, thanks for making a rough time a little less…rough," she said before opening her door and stepping inside.
"Anytime, Haley," he choked out right after the door slammed shut.
He sighed as he realized just how deep he was in.
What have I gotten myself into?
Love. That's love.
Haley sighed as she glanced at the calendar she had imposed when she first began to live with Peyton. It was her turn to go to the grocery store. Normally she would've complained, but not only was that childish, but she wanted to go this time. It brought up feelings of nostalgia, with this being her last shopping trip for Peyton's household.
She sighed again as she began to draft up a list, looking up and down the cabinets and in the bathroom for everything two girls and a baby could ever need. She rummaged through the cat-shaped cookie jar, yet another thing she'd miss, for their grocery allowance. Haley had perfectly planned it out—if they each put aside $50 a week, it would be about $400 a month, plus Jake had offered to help with some of Anna's necessities.
Haley had gotten her first job since her split from Clay. She saw it as one positive change in her life. She had finally gotten the opportunity to do what she wanted to. She was a professor at Tree Hill High. She taught French II. She was quite happy, but ever since losing Clay, she hadn't been back to work. She was off for personal reasons for a month, but ready to go back.
Haley roamed down the aisles at the supermarket, looking for Peyton's strange (and expensive) organic things. At the end of the day, Haley believed it was the same as the regular kind, only more expensive, and it soothed the minds of health-conscious or environmental-conscious people, such as Peyton.
She threw a box of whole-wheat pasta into the cart, glancing back down at the list, only looking up as she bumped into someone else's cart.
"I'm so sorry!" she apologized, though she wasn't really paying attention to the person. In fact, Haley wasn't even really sure what she was doing.
The person laughed at her obvious distress and Haley felt a little insulted. She looked up. It was a man with brown hair, brown eyes, and a dazzling white smile. "Don't worry about it. I don't care much for mayonnaise anyway," he said with a foreign accent, pointing towards a small display which Haley had knocked over. She hadn't even noticed.
She felt the colour rising to her cheeks. "I'm such a klutz," she mumbled, beginning to pick up the jars.
The man helped her, stacking them back onto the display. "Did you know that clumsiness is alluring and helps someone appear to be cute?" he asked.
Haley could barely register what he said. She was caught up in his eyes and accent and basically everything else. "Really?" she inquired absent-mindedly.
He nodded. "It was a study. The study of cute. Humans find clumsy people to be cute," he explained.
She nodded. "Well, then, I must be adorable," she joked.
He stared at her for a moment. "You're certainly easy on the eyes. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as a jerk, but you're very beautiful."
Haley heard herself giggle (oh, how she hated that word) as she turned away and blushed. "You're not so bad yourself," she flirted back.
"Will I see you again?" he said, at a loss for something to say.
She shrugged. "But you might be able to see me soon if you had my number," she informed him. Haley pulled out a piece of paper from the pocket of her coat, along with a pen. She wrote her name and cell phone number on it. "Whoops. I think I just dropped my phone number. You'll have to forgive my klutziness," she said as she tossed the piece of paper on the floor. As he picked it up, Haley walked away with a smug smile. She didn't even realize that she didn't even get his name.
"Brooke! I have such a good idea," Peyton said teasingly.
On the other end of the line, Brooke could sense Peyton's smirk. "You have an idea. You have the best ideas. Tell me now," she demanded.
"Anna is going to be with Jake tonight. You don't have any plans, do you?" she asked hopefully.
"Free as a bird."
"I don't know if anyone ever told you this, but you're hilarious when you're drunk, Brooke. You have no filter," Peyton said to Brooke.
Brooke let out a suppressed laugh. "I'm pretty sure nobody has a filter when they're drunk," she responded.
"Exactly. And do you know who would be really interesting to see drunk?" Peyton said with an excited smile.
Brooke's mouth formed a perfect O. "I think I have to call you back, Peyton. I have another phone call I have to make. Now," she said. Before Peyton even got the chance to respond, Brooke hung up. She began searching through her phone for the right contact.
"Hey, Nathan. This is Brooke. Peyton and I are going out tonight, We wanted to know if you wanted to go out with us. Call me back," she said before hanging up.
Haley was cutting up fruit when her phone began to ring throughout her new, very empty apartment. She dove for it immediately, almost cutting her hand on the knife, but swiftly avoided it.
"Hello?" she answered.
"I just realized that you don't even know my name."
Haley smiled. It was the man from the grocery store. She decided it would be fun to mess with him for a minute. "I don't know what you're talking about," she toyed.
"Haley? We met at the grocery store," he answered.
"I'm kidding; I'm kidding. I remember who you are. I don't know anyone else who speaks with an English accent," she said with a laugh.
She heard a nervous laugh on the other end. "I promise I don't bite," she added, hoping to relax his nerves.
"I realized that you don't even know my name."
She let out a breath. "Well, I've been referring to you as 'That Handsome English Stranger' in my head. Was I close?" she flirted shamelessly.
"It's Liam," he said.
"Liam? I liked my name better," she retorted. She heard a relaxed laugh on the other end. "This might be really forward of me, but would you like to go out?" she asked. Through everything, Haley had become very forward (not that it mattered; she wasn't doing much dating while she was pregnant).
That question obviously had Liam flustered. "What did you have in mind?" he inquired.
"There's this great sushi place right down the street from where I live. It's called Fushimi. Want to meet there at seven?" she asked hopefully.
"Sure," he answered.
She smiled before hanging up. She abandoned her task and proceeded to get ready, leaving her celery sticks feeling neglected.
"It's weird being away from Anna," Peyton said quietly as she and Brooke waited at Brooke's favourite bar.
Brooke sighed and rolled her eyes. "Oh no. It's that stupid separation anxiety first-time mothers get when they first have their babies," she moaned.
"Brooke, can you blame me? Anna is really lovable, and…she's my little baby," she complained.
Brooke sighed. "We're here to get Nathan drunk, okay? If I have to hear about Anna all night, Nathan won't be the only one getting drunk," she said.
"Fine. I'll try and stop thinking about my little munchkin," she said bitterly. She turned to the bartender. "Can I have a shot of tequila? Make it extra strong," she instructed.
The bartender nodded. "No problem."
Peyton threw it back with ease. Brooke waved down the same bartender. "Can I have a…what is it called…it's pretty and pink. Cosmo…Champagne Cosmo?" she asked.
"Cosmopolitan Champagne?" he offered with a laugh.
She nodded incessantly. "Yup, that's the one. I'll take one of those," she responded.
When he returned with her pretty pink drink, Brooke took a sip. "Where is Nathan?" she asked.
Peyton shrugged, looking around. "Maybe he got creeped out. He did call you back, right?" she asked.
Brooke nodded. "He said he would be here," she insisted. She looked around. She finally spotted Nathan. She waved him over. "Nathan! Come join the party!" she offered, patting the stool right next to her.
"Hey Brooke, Peyton," he greeted politely.
Brooke reached out to hug him. She waved the bartender down again. "Can you get my friend a beer? And me one, too?" she ordered. She barely took a drop of her cocktail, but she didn't want Nathan to feel left out.
"So, Nathan. Have you spoken to Haley?" Brooke asked when the bartender came back. She was unaware of their date-by-another-name.
Peyton watched as Nathan struggled to answer. "He and Haley went on a non-date the other day. Right, Nathan?" she asked.
He nodded. And then he regretted it. Brooke liked making him blush. "So did you tell her what you've been obsessing about that kiss?" she asked.
Nathan gave Brooke an unhappy look. "I haven't been obsessing about it…" he said defensively.
Brooke gave him a knowing look. "I think you have," she sing-songed.
"Nathan, just do us all a favour and admit that you love Haley. We already know it. The only one who doesn't is Haley because as smart as she is, she's probably one of the most naïve people I have ever met," Peyton said with a small slur.
He sighed. He had already admitted it to himself, and indirectly to Rachel. He had probably said it to either Lucas or Jake while drunk. What were two people, more or less? "Fine. I love Haley. And not as a friend," he admitted.
Brooke beamed. Peyton called the bartender back. "Hey, can we have a round of tequila shots, as per my friend being in love?" she asked as she reached past Brook and touched Nathan's hand.
"So this is my apartment. I just moved here, so don't get totally freaked out by the boxes. I have yet to unpack them," she told Liam as they walked into her new apartment. There were a couple of boxes around the place, but before their date, Haley had managed to empty a couple of them and make the place look homier.
He nodded. "It's a lovely apartment," he commented.
"Thanks," she said. She was a bit tipsy, but still able to form somewhat coherent sentences.
Wren, who was pretty much completely sober, steadied Haley as she wobbled. "Maybe we could have some coffee," he suggested.
She nodded. "And then we can see what else happens," she said suggestively.
"Okay, Nathan. You take her upper half and I'll grab onto her legs," Brooke suggested. Once again, Peyton's tiny stature allowed her to get wasted rather quickly. She was passed-out drunk at the moment. Brooke was just glad Anna was with Jake.
Brooke pushed open the door, groaning as she led Peyton into the apartment, with Nathan close behind. They brought Peyton to the bed, placing her down very gently. Peyton quickly curled up and began hugging a pillow. She began to snore very quietly and in a pretty cute way.
"I, for one, think she is adorable when she's asleep," Brooke commented.
"I don't know, Brooke. I've never really watched someone sleep," Nathan answered.
Brooke smiled as she smoothed out some of Peyton's hair. "Well, I have and I can say that she is very cute," she said, her voice going up an octave.
"You'll be a good mom someday, too, Brooke," Nathan commented.
Brooke smiled. "Thanks, Scott. You'll be a good dad," she replied with a nudge on the arm.
"If I ever become a dad," he said, and Brooke could hear the hope slipping from his words. "I have a feeling I'll always be Uncle Nathan; never anything more."
Brooke frowned. "You will find a girl one day who appreciates you as much as your friends do. And when you do, I can say I told you so," she informed him with a smile.
He rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "I think Peyton should probably be left alone."
Brooke looked over her shoulder at Peyton. "Trust me, someone needs to soothe her headache when she wakes up tomorrow morning with a bitch of a hangover. Someone needs to calm her down before Anna and Jake get back," Brooke informed him. "Besides, I get free cable here. I've mastered the art of mooching by now," she joked.
"I think I'd better call it a night. Bye, Brooke. And when Peyton wakes up, tell her I said bye, too," he told her.
"Bye Nathan!" she called as he shut the door behind him.
"I'm sober now," Haley said as she put the cup of coffee into the sink.
Liam looked her over. "Some part of me doesn't want to take your word for it," he informed her.
She didn't really pay attention, however. She took the cup from his grasp, pouring it down the drain. Before he could register what was going on, Haley led him to her bedroom. She really wasn't sure what she wanted at this point. She wanted some form of human connection.
"Haley…what are you doing?" Liam asked. Of course, he realized what she was trying to do. He just didn't feel comfortable doing those things.
She wrapped her arms around his neck. "I thought this date was going well. Really well, even. Isn't this how all the really good dates end?" she asked provocatively.
"Haley, I really don't want to take advantage—"
"It's not taking advantage if I'm not drunk and I'm offering," Haley whispered quietly. Without any warning, she kissed him harshly on the lips, as if she demanded something.
She stared at him, pulling back. "It doesn't have to mean anything," she promised.
"I want it to mean something," he confessed.
Though she wanted to, Haley didn't believe him. Her faith in men had been dashed after all the disappointment she had dealt with because of them.
"Then it will," she assured him. "I promise."
He finally leaned into their kisses. Haley leaned back onto the bed. When she pulled away, she swore that she saw Nathan's eyes instead of his. She closed her eyes, trying not to think of that.
"Are we safe?" he asked awkwardly. Again, Haley heard Nathan's voice instead.
Not opening her eyes, she nodded, adding, "I'm on the pill."
She scooted back onto the bed, getting lost in the mirage, pretending that Liam was Nathan instead. Her heart ached a little, and Haley attempted to convince herself that she was still drunk, though she knew she wasn't.
Well, there you have it Brooke's big secret! and I know y'all hate me for this whole Liam and Haley thing but it needs to be done cause realistically she can't just jump into Nathan's arm wouldn't' make sense but it won't last long trust me, at the end of the day we all know who's heart really lays with her, and just letting y'all know Jamie unfortunately, is not in this story, as mentioned he did pass. I will try and show some scenes with him and Haley, or with Lucas and Brooke, but nevertheless, this story is more about the relationships.
thibbs65: thank you that's so sweet! I know if I was Haley I definitely would have far more suspicious than she was. I would want to know whether my boyfriend was cheating on me or if my friends were just flat out lying ya know? She definitely should have stuck around some more, possibly get Nathan to help her snoop around lol. I know Nathan will always be there for Haley more than anyone cause that what you do for someone you love. The pregnancy came as a shock for many but also didn't cause if you read the very terribly written version of this story back in 2014, when it was called "What Hurts The Most," you would know that Clay was going to be Jamie's dad. It definitely makes the story a lot more compelling rather than Haley being pregnant with Nathan's child. I do think a bit in this chapter she does start to develop somewhat strong feelings for Nathan knowing he's going to always be there for her and Jamie regardless. Brooke's not pregnant with Lucas's child sorry to disappoint but I hope this secret wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. I don't plan on making Brooke pregnant anytime soon, way too many pregnancies already in a short amount of time.
sandygirl: First I hope things are well with you, and everything's okay. Secondly, there's no need to apologize trust me life and what you've been going through is far more important than a fictional story. I know I try and write Lucas better than he was in the show when it came to his relationship with Brooke. Despite claiming he was in love with her (which I do think he was at one point), he really never made much of an effort to care for her or show her he loves her, and that really bothered me. So, I decided to write a better version of himself. Peyton in this story is often gonna more of the mother/older-sister figure who just wants the best for those around her, well that's her so far, but after she does something stupid she changes for the worse and trust me we will see that side of her develop. It's only for character building. Thank you so much!
dianehermans: yes yes baby, please. Trust me it's only for Haley's character development but also what may strengthen and solidify her relationship with Clay and Nathan. So, it will all work out for the best I promise. Anyway, thank you!
naley12: Thank you! trying to make their connection as real as possible so it can help build their relationship.
guest: thank you! I am too we all know that Nathan would always save Haley and protect her any chance he got, that's what happens when you care deeply about someone. I enjoyed their friendship as well especially during season 1 their connection with music and how Haley felt like she could confide in someone other Lucas and her family for once especially when it came to her relationship with Nathan. It sucks that the writers threw that all out the window halfway through season 2 and so much of season 3 because of the whole tour debacle. I feel like after that their friendship was never the same again.
With that being said, I don't know when I'll update next, but hopefully, it is soon.
Thanks for reading!
Until next time! -Sidney