"When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable."
- Jess C. Scott
Chapter 8
January 13, 2007
Nathan entered Peyton's apartment with bagels and coffee. Peyton was groaning in her bedroom.
"Peyton, you didn't get me that trough of water and a horse-sized aspirin when I was hungover, so you shouldn't expect the same from me," Brooke said sharply in the other room. Peyton groaned in response. Nathan put down everything.
He walked towards Peyton's room and noticed Jake and Anna in Anna's nursery. He walked in to join him.
"Did you just get here?" Nathan asked.
"Yeah. Why? Did you?" Jake asked in response as he put Anna into her crib.
"Brooke called me like twenty minutes ago, asking to get some bagels and coffee for when Peyton woke up, and she didn't mention you," Nathan explained.
Jake nodded. "I just came here like ten minutes ago with Anna. She was still sleeping. I just hope that they don't wake her up," he said while he stared at Anna, sleeping soundly with a smile on her round face.
Jake and Nathan both exited the room, finding Peyton wallowing in self-pity on the couch now, Brooke trying to help her.
"Goddamnit! Why won't the pain go away?" she lamented loudly, burying her head in the pillows on the couch.
"Can someone get a case of water, like, now? Maybe it'll sober her up," Brooke suggested.
Haley woke up with arms wrapped around her. Before she got the chance to see who was beside her, she felt lips, soft as a feather, press against hers. She opened her eyes when they pulled away and saw oceans of blue in front of her.
"Good morning, beautiful," Nathan whispered to her.
Haley smiled at the sound of his voice. She leaned in to kiss him once more, her lips lingering there for a moment. "You have no idea how long I waited for last night to happen," she murmured into his neck.
"Last night should've happened a really long time ago," he responded, tugging at her waist, bringing her closer and kissing her twice more.
She nodded, climbing on top of him. "Do you think last night can tide over into this morning? I just feel like I've waited entirely too long for you," she said before wrapping her arms around her neck and kissing him.
"Now we don't have to wait," he answered.
"Can you stay here with me?"
"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."
Haley leaned her head into his chest. "I love you. Last night was amazing," she mumbled into his skin. Tempted by the taste and the feel, she began to peck at his chest, her hands travelling lower and lower and lower and her lips continuously working at his neck…
Haley woke up from her dream to find herself sweating and alone in her bed. Liam walked into her room, with a cup of coffee. She took it from him gladly, taking a sip and then putting it on her nightstand.
"Do you want to talk about what happened last night?" Liam asked her.
She shrugged.
"Would you like to agree that certain things never happened between us?" he inquired.
She sighed. "I don't know. I'm just confused," she admitted.
He stared at her for a moment, reading right through her. "There's someone else, isn't there?"
She stared at him before answering. "No. There's nobody else," she insisted.
He wasn't buying that. "Haley, there is. You love someone else. Denying it isn't going to help the situation. You should do what your heart tells you to do. From the short time I've known you, I can tell that you're a sweet person that a guy would be lucky to know, much less love. You should at least tell him how you feel," he suggested.
She thought over his words. "What if he doesn't feel the same?" she inquired.
He shrugged. "Is your love for him worth the risk?"
She wanted to think it was. Before he got the chance to leave, she stopped him. "Hey, Liam?" she called out.
He stopped, waiting for more.
"Thanks. For everything. And just so you know, it's not you. And the sex was…fun," she said, trying to find the proper adjective, before realizing she had pictured someone else the entire time.
He flashed her a dazzling smile before leaving. Haley fell back onto her bed, curling up and wondering what she was going to do about this whole debacle. Her phone rang and she answered when she saw it was Rachel.
"Hey, Rachel. What are you up to?" she asked.
Rachel sighed. "Not much. What about you?"
Haley stared at the door, thinking about what had just happened. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," she said.
"Try me."
Haley sighed. "Well, for starters, I think I just had my first one night stand, ever."
Rachel's shoulders dropped, her face following. "What?" she asked, not even attempting to keep the disappointment out of her voice. This was not how Haley and Nathan were going to end up together.
"The guy was nice. His name was Liam. But he gave me some really good advice. He told me that I should follow my heart," she explained, conveniently leaving out her dreams and mirages about Nathan.
"I don't know the guy but I love him already," Rachel announced. Hopefully, Haley would follow that advice.
Haley lay back down on the bed. "I think I just want some time to think about myself," she said.
Ugh, she's making this very difficult.
Rachel opened the door to Nathan. He walked in, seemingly very happy.
"Rachel, I have really great news," he announced, a smile spreading across his face.
Rachel nodded nervously. "You can say what you have to say first." Because I'm pretty sure that after what I say, no news is good news.
"I just admitted that I love Haley," he said.
Rachel smiled. "Yes! You finally did it! Nathan, I'm so happy!" she exclaimed, jumping up to hug Nathan. It was as if Nathan just announced he was getting married or something.
"So what did you want to say?" he asked.
Rachel's face fell. "Well…this is kind of hard and I hope you don't get upset," she began.
"What could possibly be so bad?" Nathan inquired.
"Haley had someone over last night…I don't know what they did, but she said she wants time to herself. But maybe she's just waiting for you—"
"I should probably give her space, Rach. She's probably still grieving," he said. The obvious shift in the mood had made both of them feel uncomfortable. Nathan soon wanted to leave.
"Nathan, you—"
"I'm fine, Rachel," he insisted, reading her mind. "She needs space. Maybe I should just start looking somewhere else. Maybe I need a fresh start," he said. "I never told this to anyone, but I was offered a job. It's in New York. Nobody needs me here; maybe in New York, I can finally be completely happy," he announced.
"Nathan, don't—"
"I've got to go. I'll talk to you soon."
"Nathan…stop…stop! I really have to go to work," Haley exclaimed as she tried desperately to get out of his strong grip.
He had her by the waist, where she wished she could stay. "Are you sure you have to go now?" he whispered suggestively.
"Yes. I'll be back early, though. Maybe we could finish what we started before," she teased while leaning close to him, her lips brushing against his and their noses just about touching.
He groaned. "You're killing me, Haley James," he moaned.
"Hmm…that's not what you were saying before. Or maybe you were. I don't remember you saying anything except for Haley. And that was really loudly," she teased.
Haley yelped as Nathan pulled her off her feet and on top of him. "Nathan!" she yelled.
"And that's what you were saying all last night," he teased.
Haley rolled her eyes, but she was laughing. She leaned down to kiss him. As she tried to get up, Nathan pulled her close again. She would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy it. Nathan did, too.
"I love you, but you seriously need to let me go, Nathan," she reprimanded.
Nathan sighed. He then realized something which made him smile like an idiot. "You said you loved me. I wanted to say that. I love you so, so, so much," he said before pecking her on the lips.
"I know you do. And I love you, too," Haley said, the smile wide on her face. She kissed him back.
Her second great, cute, fluffy dream was interrupted by someone hitting her on the back. She groaned and looked up. She saw a brunette head in front of her face.
"Brooke! What are you doing here? I was dreaming!" she exclaimed before covering her head with a pillow.
Brooke snorted. "Of what? Getting steamy with McDreamy?" she inquired.
Haley made a face. "No! Something else. Can you please go away?" she asked rather rudely.
"Nope," Brooke answered, looking at her nails and staying in place.
Haley uncovered herself, sitting up abruptly. "What do you want?" she demanded.
"Just wanted to check in on my friend."
Haley sighed, laying back down. "I kind of want to be left alone."
Brooke rolled her eyes, looking around the room. "Whatever, Hales. But can I ask you one thing?" she asked hopefully.
"If you will allow me to sleep afterwards, sure," she said.
"Do you love Nathan?" Brooke asked.
Haley paused, thinking about it. "Why would you ask that?"
Brooke shrugged. "You just seem really different around him. Better, even."
"Thanks, Brooke," Haley said with amicable sarcasm.
"You know what I mean. You care about him, and it's obvious he cares a lot, too. But is it love?" Brooke questioned.
Haley shrugged. "I don't know. I feel like maybe…it could be. But he probably doesn't feel as much as I do," she said pessimistically.
Brooke rolled her eyes as she watched Haley roll over and close her eyes. "If you two bulls don't open your eyes to see the love of your life is standing right in front of you," Brooke grumbled, "I will personally ram one of my stiletto heels up your stubborn a—"
"What was that Brooke?" Haley asked, not turning around.
"Nothing, Hales!" Brooke chirped, getting up and leaving.
Haley sighed as she heard Brooke leave. She figured that with any luck, Nathan would be back in her dream, where she could live out her teenage-girl fantasies. They scared her but Haley found herself not caring anymore.
Do it, Haley. You can finally do it. Just call him. Invite him over.
Haley stared at her cellphone, contemplated doing what she had wanted to do for so long. She touched the phone, finally picking it up.
But what if he doesn't feel the same way?
She put it back down, walking away. She tapped her finger on her arm, crossing them.
Haley, he followed you to Paris. He's been waiting for you this entire time. Maybe he actually does feel the same way about you that you do about him.
Haley sighed, deciding what she would do. She picked up the phone, calling him.
"Hey, Nathan. It's Haley. I just wanted to meet up with you again. I have something that I really wanted to tell you, and I wanted you to hear it from me," Haley said. Afterwards, she hung up.
There was no turning back now. What was done was done.
Brooke stabbed the mound of ice cream in the dish with her spoon, only to put it back down. Lucas observed her while Nathan was lost in his own train of angry thought.
"I can't believe Haley would do something like this to you," Brooke said finally and angrily.
Nathan shrugged. To be honest, he wasn't entirely sure why he was so mad. As he was thinking about it, his reasons weren't justified; they weren't dating or emotionally attached together in any way. Why should he be so mad?
"I was starting to think that…" Brooke began, before trailing off and abandoning her sentence.
Lucas didn't seem to pick up on this. "Think what?" he asked.
Brooke shook her head. "Never mind. I just can't believe it. Haley never seemed like the one-night stand kind of person. Well, neither did Peyton and look at what happened."
Nathan's phone rang again. As bad as he felt, he let it ring. Haley was calling. Again. Brooke sighed before she reached out, grabbed it, and rejected her call.
"The nerve of that girl..." she grumbled. She stabbed the melting ice cream again but finding that her appetite was virtually non-existent. "You've been waiting around for her this whole time, while it's been breaking your heart. And now, right after she puts the nail in your coffin, she decides that she wants to talk to you…"
Lucas raised an eyebrow. "What do you know that we don't?"
Brooke opened her mouth, but no words came out; only small noises were ejected from her throat. She put a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth to keep herself from saying something stupid.
"Brooke…?" Nathan asked.
Brooke sighed, putting everything down. "Alright, fine! Haley had…an a-ha moment, of sorts, the last time I saw her, which was yesterday. She finally opened her eyes and saw that you are a good person who wants nothing more than to sweep her off her feet. And don't even try to deny it," she warned.
Nathan shrugged, not really in the mood for denying again.
"Anyway, she said she was scared that you didn't feel the same. I tried to tell her that it was a stupid thought, but she didn't believe me and wanted me to leave. I don't know why; all she was doing was sleeping."
Nathan sighed. Both of them were just so stubborn. He considered it a bad flaw in his character, but would never admit it to other people. He was starting to feel stupid about the entire situation. After hearing what Brooke had said, even he couldn't deny their mutual attraction. Haley had said it herself. He wanted to make up with her and for them to admit their lingering feelings for each other. That was what he wanted, more than anything else.
But he, like Haley, was scared. Scared, more than anything, of breaking her heart. His own feelings and safety of his heart came second to hers.
He sighed. He feared, as well, the prospect of neither of them getting out of this situation with a whole heart.
"I don't get it. Why isn't he answering?" Haley asked as she pressed the END button on another one-sided phone call.
Peyton sighed as she patted Anna. "Maybe he's been doing something all day. He might be busy," she suggested.
Haley shrugged. "I don't know why I'm getting so bent out of shape on this. I'll see him soon, either way." She put it off to the side, smiling at Anna. "She's so adorable."
Peyton beamed with pride. "Is it weird that I went to the supermarket the other day and a man, I guess a priest or someone, came up and started praying on her, or something like that?" she asked.
Haley raised an eyebrow. "Did that really happen?"
Peyton nodded in response.
"Well, then everyone thinks Anna is as cute as I do. That's some kind of prayer so she doesn't get the evil eye and isn't the subject of envy. They have something similar in Judaism, with a red ribbon, but I don't remember the name," Haley said as she admired Anna.
Peyton seemed impressed. "You seem to remember a lot from your World Cultures classes," she stated.
Haley shrugged. "So how have things been with you and Jake?" she asked.
Peyton shrugged. "Like two months before she was born and ever since she has been born, nothing, really. We didn't break anything off, but we haven't seen much of each other not involving her since then," she informed Haley.
"I could babysit her one night for you guys to go out if you want," Haley offered.
Peyton shook her head unremittingly. "No! Really, Haley, I wouldn't want to impose. You probably have stuff to do—"
Haley snorted. "Like what? Unpack the five boxes of stuff I kept only for nostalgic purposes that I've neglected to touch this past week or so?" she asked, her words dripping with sarcasm.
"Can you handle her?" Peyton inquired cautiously.
"She's barely two feet long and sleeps eighteen hours a day. I think I can handle that," she insisted. "I want you to hang out with Jake if that's what you want."
Peyton gave her a smile and half a hug (as the other arm was busied by Anna at the moment). "I love you, Hales."
"Love you more."
Haley walked into her apartment to see Brooke there, pacing back and forth. She was quite confused. And as for Brooke? Well, to put it simply, she looked pissed.
"What's wrong with you, Haley?" she demanded.
Haley put down her keys. "Well, that's an unconventional hello, but it's nice to see you, too."
Brooke rolled her eyes. Haley was oblivious as to why Brooke looked so pissed off. "What's wrong?" Haley asked with concern.
"Like you don't know." Haley remained oblivious. "You slept with someone? While you knew that Nathan is hopelessly devoted to you? Seriously, it's like he's the male version of Sandy in this scenario," Brooke said, her anger peeking out in her voice.
"He is not," Haley said quietly.
"Haley! Get your head out of your ass and realize that you denying any of this is not going to make the situation better!" Brooke exclaimed. "You really hurt him when you did that, you know that?"
Haley sighed. "I get what you're saying, but…wait, how did he even find out?"
Brooke shrugged. "Rachel told him, I think? I don't know. Something like that. But it doesn't matter how he found out. He wouldn't have found out unless she told him," she said.
"Why should it even matter to him?" Haley questioned.
"Relationships are about people being honest with each other, Hales. How are you supposed to have any relationship, romantic or otherwise, if you won't tell him the truth?" Brooke asked wisely.
Haley sighed, flopping down onto her bed. "I hate to say it, but you're right. I need to tell him everything. And I promise Liam was a one-time thing. It means nothing now. I don't even have his phone number. I guess I didn't want the first person after Clay to be a real relationship. I just wanted to get over him," she confessed, staring up at the ceiling.
"Aww!" Brooke exclaimed.
Haley turned to her. "What?"
"I think it's so cute that you're subconsciously trying to make yourself better for Nathan. But Nathan loves you as you are, so you shouldn't feel obligated to do anything," Brook said with a nudge.
Haley hadn't read at all into that. "Have you considered becoming a psychologist, Brooke?" she asked.
Brooke cringed. "Ew, Hales. Have you seen how they dress? What makes you think I'd be caught dead in those clothes?" she asked with a scoff.
Haley rolled her eyes. "You're still Brooke."
"I don't know what to do about this anymore," Nathan said, burying his head in his hands.
Lucas watched his brother. "You have to talk to Haley about stuff. It's the only way you guys will move on, with or without each other."
Nathan sighed. "I don't even know if I can talk to her. I already feel so broken down about it all, and I don't really want to face her. I feel…betrayed? I don't know. It's complicated. I shouldn't feel so emotional about this all since she's not my girlfriend or anything, but—"
"You've got to stop being so nice. You have to take your own emotions into consideration for once," Lucas insisted. "You need to lay all your cards out on the table," he maintained.
"I know. But I'm such a coward."
"You also need to stop beating yourself up mentally. You're a good friend, would be a good boyfriend if you gave yourself the opportunity and an overall good person. Now you just need to believe it," Lucas urged.
Nathan gave him a broken smile. "Yeah, I do. Thanks, Luke. I think I'd better call it a night, though," he said.
Lucas nodded, getting the hint and walking towards the door. Once he was gone, Nathan sighed, leaning back onto his bed.
Haley knocked on the door of the apartment. She saw a confused Jake answer the door. She invited herself in with a peace offering—coffee and bagels. She handed a brown paper bag to him and set down a coffee-tray with two cups in it.
"Can I ask you a huge favour, Jake?"
Jake grew a little bit scared for what this entailed. "What is it?" he asked nervously.
She put on her best smile and most innocent look. "Actually, I'm willing to barter. You get something that you really want, and I'll get something I've been hoping for in exchange," she told him with a devious, yet intoxicating smile.
He groaned, knowing that her request may cause trouble. "You're avoiding the topic. What is this?" he demanded.
"I will babysit Anna for the night while you and Peyton go on a date. But I would like something in return," she supposed, teasing him even more by dragging this out.
"Haley," he warned.
"Can I borrow your apartment and your phone? I need to talk to Nathan, and he's not answering my calls. I just need to lure him here and talk to him," she informed him, breaking down her wall. At the moment, she resembled a fifteen-year-old girl asking her parents to extend her curfew so she could go to the party at Michelle's house (since it would so be the party of the century).
He nodded. "It's a deal," he said.
"Thank you so much," Haley said.
"It's not much of a compromise. It's not like I want to see you unhappy. In fact, it's a win-win for me. We all want to see you both happy," Jake insisted.
Haley rolled her eyes but hugged Jake anyway.
Haley looked through the peephole once more, waiting anxiously for Nathan to show up. Jake had gone to Peyton's half an hour ago, and it was just Haley now, waiting for Nathan.
The sound of a dripping faucet reminded Haley of how long five minutes could feel when you were waiting. She groaned as she looked at her watch.
Finally, there was a knock on the door. Haley answered it, spotting Nathan. Before he even got the chance to react, she had yanked him in the apartment, closing, chaining, and deadbolting the door behind him, preventing a hasty exit.
"My guess is Jake wasn't the one who wanted to talk," Nathan said.
Haley shook her head. "Jake and I made a deal that I could use his apartment and text you with his phone. I need to talk to you, Nathan," she said.
He sighed, feeling uncomfortable, something Haley picked up on.
"What?" she asked, growing impatient. "Look, Nathan. Brooke clued me into why you're avoiding me," she informed him.
"Why?" Nathan questioned, intrigued to hear her answer.
"Because of Liam. And I wanted you to know that I'm not mad if you're upset about it. It doesn't mean that I think your reason for being upset is justified, but I'm not mad," she said. She stared down at her feet, praying a blush wouldn't rise to her cheeks. "I actually think it's…cute that you're so concerned," she confessed quietly.
Nathan avoided looking at Haley. He wasn't entirely certain why, but he felt betrayed.
"I just wanted to let you know that Liam didn't mean anything to me. It was a one-night stand. I don't even have his phone number. I guess…I was just using him to get over Clay. He was the first guy I was with at all since I broke up with Clay," she said.
Nathan nodded noncommittally. "It doesn't really make a difference to me," he mumbled.
I was sort of hoping that it did. "Oh," Haley uttered softly. "Right."
"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Haley. I'm not your keeper," he said quietly as if he didn't want to say it at all. The whole thing felt really forced, on both ends.
Haley looked at him, and he was avoiding her gaze at all costs. "I just wanted you to know…" she said, trailing off, all while praying that he wouldn't question why.
"Why?"
Damn.
"Why?" Haley questioned, thinking it over herself. "I…I…"
She thought, trying to figure out what to say. Should she tell the truth and just get out with it? Should she embellish the truth, telling him that it was a mistake and she deeply regretted it? Should she tell a complete lie and just avoid the question altogether, changing the subject?
Or should she tell the whole truth? The one where she didn't hold back; the one where she hadn't stopped thinking about the kiss for months; the one where she had dreams and fantasies, all with him; the one where she hadn't wasted time neglecting him, and appreciated him before it was all too late.
She shrugged. "I just wanted to tell you the truth. Brooke seemed to think that it was bothering you," she answered dismissively.
"I don't know. I can't explain it. I guess I was…concerned?" he lied. Well, it was half a lie. Or half of telling the truth; he wasn't sure. He was concerned, but he also had more selfish reasons. Reasons he now was unsure whether he wanted to own up to.
Haley looked completely resigned at the moment. "Well…thanks, I guess, for your concern," she murmured. There was an elephant in the room, both unsure whether the other realized it. Where was Brooke when you needed her?
"I think I should go," Nathan said finally. "If that was all you wanted to talk about, I think I should go," he said.
She nodded. "You're right. Sorry if I made you feel awkward," she said, though her sentence sounded more obligatory than apologetic.
Haley closed the door behind Nathan and both leaned on either side of the door. They were both silently cursing themselves for not saying what they needed to; things that would change everything; things which would make it all better, for everyone, especially one another.
Rachel pushed hard on the door to Nathan's apartment to get in. It was more of a struggle than usual. When she opened the door, she saw why. There was a stack of boxes near the door. They were the kind that people used when they moved out.
This could not be good.
"Nathan!" she exclaimed, suddenly growing very nervous. "Nathan? Where are you?!" she shouted nervously.
She walked to Nathan's room and saw him packing a bag. "What are you doing?" she asked, nervous to hear an answer.
"I'm going out of town for a few days," he answered with a sigh.
"And those boxes out there?" she inquired.
He shrugged. "Some essential boxes in case I decide I want to leave Tree Hill for good," he said.
Rachel's eyes became wide. "Nathan, are you crazy? All because of Haley?" she inquired with shock.
"Haley has nothing to do with this."
Lie, lie, lie.
"She doesn't, Rachel! I got a job offer out of town. I was asked to look at the land and see if it's something I want to consider. I have nothing solid in this town, and there, I might actually have more luck when it comes to getting work. It's a bigger city that's growing. Tree Hill is crumbling," he retorted. He stared at her. "Why do you think everything has to do with Haley?"
She scoffed. "It so obviously does, Nathan. You're in love. It's not your fault. Love makes you do stupid things," she reminded him.
He shrugged. "I would agree…if I were in love. How could I let myself fall in love with someone who doesn't and wouldn't love me back?" he asked, his voice growing soft.
Her voice became light as a feather. "Because love makes us all do stupid things," she repeated.
"I'm going, Rachel. I'll be back in a week or so. And then…I don't know. But I'm considering it," he said, referencing this potential move.
Rachel looked at him sadly. "Just please…think with your head before you make a solid decision," she pleaded sweetly.
Nathan looked at her, feeling a little saddened by her very manifestation. He nodded slowly, listening to her.
Haley and Brooke were sitting in a diner, waiting for Rachel. Haley was examining the menu while Brooke stared at her. Haley hadn't really spoken anything except for the traditional pleasantries, but rather began scrutinizing the menu. Brooke had been dying to ask how her confrontation with Nathan went, but she decided it would probably be better to wait until Rachel was there to act as a buffer.
Brooke was growing rather antsy. She decided to finally just ask her.
"So, Hales…how did it go?" she asked finally.
"The whole meeting thing with Nathan?" Haley inquired, not averting her eyes from the menu.
Brooke nodded, adding, "Yes." She paused. "Did you tell him everything?" she questioned.
"I told him that the night with Liam meant nothing, and the whole thing was just me trying to get over Clay," Haley answered.
Brooke nodded, pursing her lips. "So you didn't tell him everything. You didn't mention that you love him."
Haley opened her mouth to speak but Rachel walked up to them at that very moment. Both girls took notice of her sombre, distressed expression as she slid down in the booth next to Brooke.
"Hey, Rachel," Haley said, the concern rising in her voice.
Brooke was a little more blatant about it. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asked immediately.
Rachel sighed. "I don't know if I should say this…I don't want to upset you," she said, her brown eyes boring into Haley.
Haley became antsy as she felt her heartbeat quicken. "What is it, Rachel?" she inquired apprehensively.
"It's Nathan. He's left town. And I'm scared that he might not come back. He's really serious about leaving," Rachel explained, not making eye contact with either of the girls, instead she stared at the table.
Brooke looked to see Haley's reaction. Her eyes were filled with concern, but she remained silent.
Finally, she spoke. "What?" she asked quietly, in a voice so childlike and innocent, it might've broken Brooke's heart.
"He's gone. He left this afternoon. I'm worried about him. There's something wrong…" Rachel said, but Haley tuned it out completely.
She only began to think of the things she said wrong; the missed opportunities she had to tell him how she really felt; the little things about him she would quickly miss; everything about him, really.
Haley walked into her apartment. Since Liam stayed, she had unpacked everything, and it was finally starting to feel comfortable.
But now, things just felt different. Everything felt different. Haley had started putting everything in perspective. Nathan just made her think about herself in a different way. He opened her eyes to things that never even crossed her mind before, and she liked that. Now that he was gone…she tried so hard to make his presence stay, but found it impossible. She needed him, right then and there.
She let out an angry sigh. On a whim, she picked up something at random and threw it across the room, watching as it hit the wall and broke. Then, another object which held no particular value to her. She just felt angry for a reason she couldn't even explain. She needed to take her anger out on something, so whatever came in her way was fair game.
When she was done and there were glass shards, potpourri, and candle bits scattered around her, Haley backed up against the wall, examining the damage she had done. It didn't seem to matter anymore. She slithered down the wall slowly and looked at what was left after the storm.
You did this, Haley. It's your fault he's gone.
Before she even realized it, Haley let out a small sob.
No…no. He left. It's obvious whatever was there isn't anymore. Maybe it didn't exist. The past is the past…you have to move onto your future.
Haley realized what she needed was to let go of everything. She held on. Maybe that was her problem; she never knew when to move on and to let go. Maybe things could've been better for her a long time ago if she had moved on and let go of her memories and relationship with Clay. Maybe then, she and Nathan could've had a chance.
And her mind raced back to Nathan.
But what if he's my future?
That was what had to happen, right? Nathan just fought for her, over and over, even when she was being horrible. If she could change it, she would've. But was that enough? She wanted a future—she really did, But she almost felt as though Nathan shouldn't give her another chance.
Fate will find a way.
Haley kept hoping and praying that fate would make Nathan find his way to her. She wanted—no, needed—him there with her.
A week later, Haley poured Rachel a cup of coffee. Rachel took it graciously, pouring some sugar in. Haley drank hers black.
"Have you spoken to Nathan?" Rachel asked carefully.
Haley put the cup down. "I thought I should be asking you that," she said.
Rachel looked uncomfortable. "I haven't spoken to him since he got to New York," she informed her.
"Where is he in New York?" Haley asked.
Rachel shrugged. "Someplace near the city. Staten Island? Long Island? I don't remember exactly," she answered with a shrug.
Haley nodded, trying to calm her nerves. She hadn't seen him in what felt like a really long time. She missed him and just wanted him back.
"Is he coming back?" she asked.
"I don't know, Haley. I know you're nervous, but I barely know anything more than you do," she reminded Haley. Haley shuddered, feeling nervous. "Hales, he has to come back here. He left everything here," Rachel said, trying to comfort her.
Haley looked at her skeptically. "I thought you said that nearly everything of actual value was out of his apartment," she said.
"He didn't take you," Nathan whispered.
Haley wanted to believe that was true but was almost positive she wasn't a good enough reason for Nathan to leave New York and come back to Tree Hill.
"How was New York?" Lucas asked Nathan as Nathan emptied the boxes he had brought with him to New York.
He shrugged. "Okay. But Tree Hill is better."
"What about work?"
Another shrug as Nathan gently placed down a photo frame of him and his mother when he was really young. "Things are better here, in Tree Hill. New York is fine, but that job alone isn't enough to get me to uproot my life here," he confessed.
Lucas looked him over. "Did you come back because of Haley?" he asked.
Nathan stopped in his tracks. He tossed the empty box aside as he moved onto the next. "Why would you say that?" he asked.
"It's fairly obvious," Lucas informed him.
Nathan sighed. "If I left now…I would never be certain why I did. I would never know if it was because I was scared of telling Haley how I feel, or because I genuinely wanted to go to New York. I don't want to leave in that way," he told his best friend. He placed down something else haphazardly. He looked up at Lucas. "How do I make this right?"
Lucas sighed, thinking about it. "Well, that depends on what you want to have happen. You have control over everything that you do. What you do affects how Haley will react," he said. He studied Nathan. "How do you want her to react?"
Haley examined her reflection in the mirror as she straightened out her hair. Something felt different about her.
The last time she had thoroughly examined herself, she remembered her very reflection.
It was the day she had met Nathan; the day she had gotten engaged to Clay. She found it funny that the former came to mind before the latter, since typically, getting engaged would've been a bigger deal.
She remembered looking at herself in the mirror. She was a little thinner than she was now, and her hair was curled, her eye makeup done to perfection and her lips a ruby red. She was wearing a bronze, gold, silver, and black tie-dye dress. She had diamond earrings in her ear. There was a small hickey, barely noticeable unless you were really looking, on the right side of her neck. She was taller because of the heels on her feet, which she feared would cause blisters, but didn't care, since she loved the shoes anyway.
Now, she was wearing a red dress with a black cardigan over it. Her face looked tired, but she somehow managed to look pretty. Her face was bare and fresh-faced and Haley had no intention of putting on makeup now. She was also free of jewelry. She looked down for a moment at her bare feet, the silver nail polish on her toes beginning to peel off.
There was a firm knock on the door. Haley broke out of her cross-examination of herself to go get it. She was shocked when she saw Nathan standing there.
Confused, angry, happy, sad, speechless, love…all the emotions were coming back to her now, as she faced him.
"Nathan? What are you doing here?" Haley asked, her voice shaky.
Nathan sighed, staring her in the eyes. "Can I please talk to you? I have a lot I need to say, that I should've said a long time ago," he said.
Haley moved aside, letting him into the apartment. Since her breakdown, she had cleaned the glass and other casualties of her temper. She closed the door to the apartment and faced him. However, her expression was blank and her arms were crossed over her chest.
"I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. If I hurt you, or if I made you upset, or if I confused you. I'm sorry about all of it," he confessed.
She bit her lip, her body not moving except for the rise and fall of her chest. "Go on," she prompted.
"I really did go to New York for work. But I couldn't do it. I just felt like things were…wrong. I left things in a bad state. I should've fixed them. And I wanted to tell you that I'm not the one who can stay still like you claim I am. I'm not the wiser one. I'm not the one who could have dealt with this all. You are," he told her.
Her display of emotion was unwavering and stoic, but inside, curiosity stirred and she wondered where this was going.
"And then, there was this one night in New York that made me realize something. It made me remember something really important in our relationship, whatever it is. I looked up at this one spot in New York that you could actually see the stars. And they reminded me so much of that night that I flew out to Paris to help you," he said, reminiscing about it himself.
The words lingered in her ears, her eyes filling with emotion. With her body language, she told him to go on.
He continued with his recollection of flying to Paris. "I was flying over the Atlantic Ocean when I had an epiphany—"
Haley interrupted him, speaking finally. "An epiphany? Who even uses that word? It sounds so archaic," she said.
He scoffed. "Look who's talking, Thesaurus. Anyway, I had an epiphany. As I was flying over the Atlantic Ocean, seeing the light reflecting from New York City, I realized that those lights were only paralleled by the sparkle in your eyes."
Haley's heart swelled with each word.
"And I realized then that I loved you."
Haley stared him in his eyes—his gorgeous blue eyes—for a moment, before she tore her gaze away, opting instead to focus on the wall of her apartment, which hadn't been painted over and was a simple wall of bricks.
Nathan reached out for her, touching her shoulder. Haley looked up at him, shivering in shock.
"I've been thinking about it ever since Paris," he confessed.
She couldn't find any rational thought. She had no idea what to say to him.
He sighed sadly. "I guess now that I've told you, there's nothing left for me here," he said, before beginning to walk towards the door, which Haley was still standing by.
Haley stood, numb, as his fingers grasped the doorknob and he started to open the door. She quickly snapped out of her reverie, beating him to the door before he could leave. She used her arm to slam the door closed, almost severing his fingers in the process.
"Wait!" she exclaimed. Her movements were sudden and choppy. She looked up at him. "Don't go," she pleaded weakly.
Twenty minutes later, Haley had exchanged pleasantries with Nathan, offering him coffee (which he accepted), but not actually saying anything.
"Haley, was there a reason you wanted me to stay?" Nathan asked, cutting through the veneer of normalcy Haley was trying to create.
She sighed, looking down. She was scared to look him in the eyes when she made her confession. "I've been thinking about what I told you when I told you about Liam. I didn't want it to change things between us. But I felt better after it happened."
Nathan closed his eyes, wanting to press images of Haley with some guy he didn't know. "Do you really think that I want to think about that after telling you what I said when I first got here?" His question came with no bite to it; it sounded like there was only an undertone of sadness.
"I wanted to try and find a way to fix myself. I meant what I said. Liam was a rebound. And I kept hoping over and over that you'd understand that because I didn't want to hurt you," she said very gently.
"Nathan…" she began. "I think I love you."
Nathan looked up at her and they locked eyes with one another for what was probably the first time since Nathan had come into her apartment.
He opened his mouth to speak before she leaned over the table and kissed him again, very tenderly, and very slowly.
They both took a moment to look into one another's eyes, not exchanging words. Then, one kiss turned to two which turned to a few more until the air became essential.
Haley felt the colour rise to her cheeks. "I've been wanting to do that again for nine months," she whispered.
She pulled away from him while he stared at her. "Really?" he asked as if things were too good to be true.
She nodded while looking down. "I didn't know what to do. I assumed that things could never work because I was pregnant and…I was just really scared," she said finally. He leaned over the counter and touched her hair tenderly, brushing it away from her eyes. "And I guess I was using Liam because I wanted to be over Clay. For good. Because I didn't want to still be pining for him, especially when you were getting back in my life," she explained.
"Are you still thinking about him?" he inquired cautiously.
She thought about it, shaking her head. "How can I not? Every time I look at our son I am reminded of him but…I don't care about him anymore," she insisted. She touched his hand, which was still lingering in her hair. "Please say something," she pleaded again.
She looked devastatingly adorable at the moment. He sighed. "I care about you, but…I really don't know if you're ready to move on, or if you even truly want to move on with me."
"I just want to be with you, Nathan And I just want to be with you at the moment; no pretenses."
"I don't want to hurt you—"
"Love is taking that risk. I feel like I've been hurting more waiting around and not telling you how I really feel," Haley explained. "If you don't want to—"
She was interrupted abruptly by another sudden, unexpected, but passionate kiss on the lips. Both became more carefree, their lips separating so Nathan could stand right beside her. He raked his fingers through her beautiful, blonde wavy hair. His hands moved to the small of her back. She had her hands on his face. She was taken by surprise when he lifted her up and placed her on an empty spot on the counter.
She moved her arms so they were around his neck as they continued to kiss. She felt butterflies in the pit of her stomach.
They finally pulled away after some minutes later. Haley brushed her thumb back and forth on the back of Nathan's neck, while his hands were on her waist. Haley leaned in while biting her lip so her forehead and nose were pressed gently against his.
"I've been waiting for this since the first time I saw you," he disclosed quietly.
She nodded slightly. "I think I have, too."
To be honest, I'm pretty surprised that you guys didn't dislike me more for the whole Liam/Haley thing. I just want to know whether you guys are enjoying these chapters or not, it seems like from the lack of feedback I've been getting recently, that you don't seem to enjoy the past chapters, and would rather prefer the present time ones. If you don't like the past chapters, I do apologize but it is crucial especially in this story as it builds and shows the character's growth and the relationships before their ultimate downfall i.e Peyton & Brooke's friendship, Naley's breakup, Jake & Peyton's relationship etc... Anyway, let me know what your thoughts are and what you prefer reading (past or present chapters).
dianehermans: what do you mean?
thibbs65: thank you! I don't like it either, but like I mentioned before it would not be realistic for Haley to jump right into Nathan's arms after ending her relationship with Clay. It is understandable as a young twenty-year-old you might at least have a one night stand lol. I think it's easier for Haley to sleep with a complete stranger she knows no strings attached simply because there are no feelings involved, whereas with the kiss eight months with Nathan it was more complicated because of the unspoken feelings that were lingering beneath. I think she's just so frustrated with everything that she takes her anger out on Peyton because they lived together for a while, and don't worry Clay will be back, his storyline is not finished!
Next chapter, someone spills the beans to Nathan, Haley tries to contact Nathan, some Team Lucas-Brooke-Nathan, you might get pissed at Rachel, more baby Anna, Lathan moments, and that's about it. Whoops, I spoiled the entire chapter. Not really. I'm going to shut up now.
Thanks for reading! Until next time! -Sidney