"I believe in true love. I believe in love at first sight. I believe love conquers all. And that doesn't mean there's not gonna be hard days or difficult things to deal with, because there will be. But finding that person who does it for you and knowing that person loves you back it just makes everything so much easier."
—Haley James Scott
Chapter 10
January 17, 2007
Haley awoke, opening her eyes and seeing Nathan smiling, his blue eyes warm. It looked just like her dream, where all she saw were his blue eyes and his warm smile.
It felt like home.
"What time is it?" she asked sleepily, her eyes only open halfway.
"Like one in the afternoon?" he asked. "You slept a lot," he added.
Haley eight months ago would've shot up, cursing about how late her day was beginning.
This Haley, however, simply sighed. "Well, I guess yesterday really wore me out," she teased.
"What are you doing today?" Nathan asked her.
She sighed. "I'm going to meet with Brooke, Rachel, and Peyton for a girl's night," she explained.
He nodded. "Do you want to have breakfast?"
She glanced at the clock again. "I think I'd prefer lunch."
As they exchanged a laugh, Nathan helped her out of bed and into their kitchen. Haley realized she would never, ever tire of using that word.
"Are you sure you won't come in with me?" Haley inquired, peeking her head out of their bedroom.
Nathan nodded, taking a sip of some of her very strong coffee as he began to draw some more. Haley pouted as she watched him.
"It's my first time using the shower—"
"Lie," he interrupted, referencing the several times she had used it when she stayed the night.
"Well, I'm scared—"
"Haley James?" he asked with mock surprise. "Scared of something?"
"No…I don't want to get lonely—"
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
Haley simply glared at him, and walked over to him, clad in only a snow white towel. "Don't make me drop this towel and remind you why you should come and join me," she threatened.
He smiled, taking another sip. "As tempting as that sounds, I really can't, Hales. Maybe later?" he suggested.
"How about definitely later?" she inquired.
He kissed her on the nose. "It's definitely a maybe," he promised.
Haley pouted before going back to their bedroom and grumbling all the way until she was in the shower. Nathan sighed. When he heard the water begin to run and heard Haley's loud humming, he made a move.
He pulled out the pieces of paper he had ripped up. It was Lindsey's phone number. He tried to read the digits, which she printed very clearly.
He was fairly certain he had gotten it right when he dialed the number.
"Hello?"
He gulped when he heard her voice. "Hey, Lindsey. It's me, Nathan."
There was silence. A simple "Oh" left her perfect cupid bow lips.
"You and I need to talk. Are you free tonight?"
Haley was the first to arrive at the restaurant she was meeting the girls at. She smiled when Rachel walked over to her table a mere minute later. The two hugged warmly.
Haley had grown quite close to Rachel. Well, it was a given, considering she was one of Nathan'ss best friends and she was his girlfriend. But there was something so honest about her that Haley really loved.
"Hey. I've missed you. And I've got to say, you and Nathan give Nathan and Lucas a run for their money in the non-couple category," Haley joked.
Rachel laughed. "Are you jealous, Hales?" she inquired.
Haley nodded. "Completely. I've barely gotten any time from him for myself," she replied mockingly.
"You had your opportunity. You've gotten like a week or so while I was on vacation. I trust that the group gave you guys some alone time?" she inquired.
Haley rolled her eyes. "Like that ever happens. That's a pipe dream. But I do have something to tell you about us."
Rachel's eyes widened. "Oh my God, where's the ring? How did he ask?" she demanded excitedly.
Haley shook her head incessantly. "No, no. We're not engaged. But we moved in together while you were away. I moved into his apartment. He asked me after your party, by the way," she explained with a blush.
Rachel smirked. "Where you two finally did it?"
Haley nudged Rachel. "You're as bad as Brooke and Lucas! I hope Dean keeps you sane because you're acting pretty weird to me," she teased.
Out of the corner of her eye, Haley saw Brooke and Peyton walking up to the girls. They both turned to greet the girls.
"Girl, you got so tan! You look great!" Brooke exclaimed. Rachel smiled in response.
"I hope you had fun," Peyton said. "So…what were you guys discussing without us?" she inquired curiously.
Rachel sighed. "Well, we were discussing Haley's sexual escapades and how we should be talking about me, but I am having too much fun making Haley blush," Rachel recapped.
With that, Haley turned beet red.
"What sexual escapades? She hasn't even done it with Nathan. We all know she's a prude," Brooke scoffed.
Brooke smirked at Haley, and Peyton figured it out. "Haley James! You had sex with someone you haven't been seeing for even eight months?" she asked in shock.
Brook gasped. "Haley! I didn't know you were the kind of girl to kiss and tell!" she exclaimed.
Haley bit her lip. "I feel like we've been dating for longer!"
Brooke's smirk grew. "Longer, my ass. You wanted to screw Nathan for so long, and he finally gave in. I don't blame you, Haley. I've seen him shirtless," she said before taking a swig of her drink.
"Finally. Haley, I would've done the boy seven months ago. I mean, have you seen the abs on that boy?" Rachel asked.
Haley blushed thinking about it.
Brooke snickered at the sight. "She's blushing!"
Haley rolled her eyes. "We did not come here to gossip about me, okay? We came here to beat down Rachel about her almost wedding, remember?"
"Has everyone seen him shirtless except for me?" Peyton asked.
The other girls all nodded in unison. Peyton suddenly had the urge to see him shirtless and see what all the fuss was about.
"Hey, don't think about it. The boy is mine," Haley warned.
Peyton smiled. "I love it when you get so possessive. Haley's in love," she sing-songed.
Haley rolled her eyes. This was certainly going to be a long night. She flagged down the waiter, ordering tequila shots for herself.
Nathan looked around the café, looking for his ex. He found her in a small booth in the corner.
Nathan sighed, closing his eyes, and preparing himself for this. He walked over to her. He kept reminding himself internally that he was doing this for Haley, Haley, Haley. He just needed that reminder.
"Nathan?" Lindsey asked, looking up at him. "I didn't think she'd actually give you my number."
Nathan simply sat down across from her. He stared at her without saying anything.
"Was she a friend or something? I saw Brooke with her," she added, trying to make small talk.
Nathan sighed. "No. She's my girlfriend. She was moving in with me when you came over. I was at work."
He waited for a reaction from her. Her face fell a little. She looked away from him, looking down. "Oh," she muttered.
"Why did you wait so long to talk to me? Were you expecting something from me?" he demanded.
She shook her head. "No, I wasn't expecting anything. More, I was hoping for something. I didn't mean to break your heart, Nathan. And I wanted to tell you how sorry I was for doing that to you. You didn't deserve me pressuring you and making you feel like less a person," she said.
He looked away from her. He needed to look every which way except for at her. "You did hurt me. You can't take it back."
"Nathan…you don't have to forget, but you'll eventually have to forgive me," she insisted.
He sighed. "I'm not trying to be difficult, but do you know how hard you're making things for me? It was two years. Two years ago that we broke up. Why have you waited so long? And why are you still hoping that I'll come back to you after you hurt me so much?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just grew up. I realized how much I loved you."
Nathan's breath hitched in his throat. "What?"
"I love you, Nathan."
Brooke slung one arm over her while Rachel took the other. Peyton knocked on the door, waiting for Nathan to answer, seeing as they were not finding Haley's keys with her in this state.
Nathan opened the door, almost hiding behind it.
"Don't mind us, Nate. We're just doing you a favour and getting Haley home in one piece. She decided it'd be a good idea to get wicked drunk," Brooke explained as she, Rachel, and Peyton brought her to her bedroom.
As they walked off, Rachel observed Nathan. "Hey, Nate? What's wrong? Why such a long face?" she asked.
"Rachel, can you stay here? I need to tell you something," he whispered.
She nodded.
Rachel took the loose tea and tea strainer out of the Rose Tea she had made for herself. It was Haley's but Rachel got her hooked on it.
"What happened? Why are you so sad?" she asked, taking his hand.
"Did you know Lindsey is back in town?" Nathan inquired. Rachel shook her head numbly. "She's back in town, and she came here the other day to see me, but she got Haley instead. She gave Haley her phone number, asking her to give it to me. I needed to talk to her, so I talked to her tonight and…"
Rachel's eyes grew wide. "Nathan, don't tell me you did anything," she pleaded.
He shook his head. "No! Rach, Lindsey told me that she loved me. That she loved me. I'm in love with Haley, but…God, she made me think of so many things when she said that," he confessed.
Rachel put her hand on Nathan's, trying to soothe him. "Listen, Nathan, if you want my honest opinion, it doesn't matter what she said as long as you know who you love. You're in love with Haley, and I know for a fact that she loves you very much. Your relationship with Lindsey, though you liked it, was toxic. You deserve more. You deserve Haley. You two are beautiful together," she insisted.
Nathan took a deep breath, nodding.
"Now, come on. You need to go take care of your drunken princess because tomorrow she's going to throw something at you. Hangovers are a bitch," she reminded him.
Nathan nodded. "Thank you so much, Rachel."
"I will finish my tea. You go help Haley, and try not to drunkenly fornicate while I'm still here."
Nathan laughed before disappearing into the room. He closed the door behind him. He looked at Haley's still angelic face as she slept on her stomach. He sat next to her, rubbing circles on her back.
"I'm in love with you now, Hales," he repeated to himself quietly.
Haley groaned as she saw the light. She burrowed herself into Nathan's chest the next morning, waking him.
"Nathan, remind me to never go out with the girls, drinking, ever again," she moaned.
Nathan rubbed Haley's back, though he knew the pain was centralized to her head. "It's okay, Haley," he attempted.
She groaned once more. "Please don't say that. I feel horrible. Can you just shoot me now and take me out of my misery?" she inquired.
"No," he answered.
"But—"
"No," he repeated with a laugh. "Come on, Haley. I know what you need. What you need is a lot of water and food and no coffee. It'll just make things worse."
Haley squeezed her eyes shut. "What do you mean 'no coffee'? You know how I get when I don't have caffeine!" she exclaimed.
"I know, but in order to cure the hangover, you're supposed to have a lot of water, and coffee only dehydrates you. You need food and water," he repeated.
She sighed before rolling onto her back. "Well can you, my beautiful boyfriend, please get it for me? I'm lazy and in pain and I don't think that right now, I can even remember where the kitchen is."
Nathan nodded, kissing her on the forehead and getting up to get her water and food.
Haley sighed before she rolled over onto Nathan's side of the bed. His warmth was still there and Haley curled up in the sheets just covering his body.
Nathan returned not five minutes later with two bottles of water and toast. "Eat," he commanded.
Haley rolled her eyes but complied with his attempts. She took a bite of the toast but frowned.
"Haley," he began in a warning tone. "Let's not have a repeat of my younger cousin Rose, okay? I'm not going to feed you this toast."
She pouted. "Not even for me? You won't feed me in my time of pain?" she asked with puppy eyes.
"Not even you. Rose had a fever. The poor girl kept waking up in the middle of the night, and all I could do was read her Hop on Pop over and over again," he said.
She pouted more Nathan rolled his eyes and finally gave in.
"Fine. You win. Open," he instructed. Haley smiled as Nathan fed her a piece of toast.
Fifteen minutes later, Haley had finished her breakfast, a bottle and a half of water, and her hangover was starting to feel better.
"I'm sorry for being a bitch," she said finally once Nathan returned from putting the dishes in the sink.
Nathan lay down next to her, wrapping her in his arms. "What do you mean?" he asked.
She sighed. "I'm sorry for being such a handful. But I like having you around all the time. I like having you as a company," she said, holding onto his hand.
He smiled. "I like being around you. And you don't have to apologize for being human, Hales," he insisted before kissing her on the temple. "And I have to tell you something."
Haley turned to him, concerned, and on high alert. "What is it?" she asked.
"I have to go to New York for work. It'll only be for a couple of days; a week, tops," he announced.
She nodded slightly, but she was a little sad. "Oh. Okay," she uttered.
Nathan took her hands, playing with them. "I promise to be back soon and call you. But this is a big offer that I can't pass up," he insisted.
Haley nodded. "I understand. You should go. It'll be something different for you. It could open a lot of doors," she added with a smile. She wanted nothing more than for Nathan to prosper in his job.
Nathan kissed her on the temple once more. "I love you, Haley."
She smiled in response. "I love you, too."
A day later, Haley and Nathan were engaged in the world's longest farewell kiss (and by far the steamiest).
"Are you already running late?" Haley asked.
"What's late for you? Thirty minutes early?" Nathan retorted before kissing her again.
She pulled away after a couple of seconds, feigning offence. "Hey! It used to be. And I don't want to be the reason you don't get this job," she replied.
Nathan smiled at her. "My first meeting isn't until six. I have time," he said, gesturing towards the clock, which read noon, exactly.
Haley frowned. "Well, then why do you have to leave so early?" she inquired.
"I want to make sure I get to New York, and I want to get settled, so it's not like I'm rushing to get to the meeting. I think you've rubbed off on me, Hales," he told her.
Haley considered this. "Well…I guess I haven't been the greatest influence in that area. I mean, I know I was really anal-retentive about stuff like that," she supposed.
He kissed her on the cheek. "I love you. I'll be back soon."
She let go of his hand, which she hadn't realized she was holding his hand until the moment their fingertips were no longer in contact. She watched the door close before her, him leaving. She sighed. The rain tapping away at the building did not help her mood.
She settled knowing that Nathan would be back soon.
She heard a tap at the door and walked over. Through the peephole, she saw Peyton and Anna. She let them in.
"Hey, Peyton. What are you doing here?" she asked.
Peyton placed papers down on the counter, and she sat down on the couch, Anna looking all around. "Don't act so happy to see me," she began sarcastically. "I wanted to come over to talk to you about Anna's birthday. It's coming up soon. I'm so excited!" she exclaimed excitedly.
Haley smiled. She looked through the mail. Most of it was junk, and also mostly Nathan's. There were about two bills for her. She got to the last piece of mail and swore her heart stopped beating.
"Haley? What's wrong?" Peyton asked, picking up on her best friend's obvious discomfort.
Haley's throat went dry. "This letter," she choked out. "I-it's from Clay," she said, putting it down.
"What? Clay?" Peyton asked for clarification. Haley nodded numbly. "How did he find out you lived here, even?" she asked.
Haley shook her head. She didn't know he knew anything about her anymore. She wasn't sure why, but this made her very scared.
"Peyton, what do I do? I don't want any contact with Clay. I haven't spoken to him or seen him in over a year. And now he just decides to pop back up?" She looked down at the letter nervously again. Quietly, she added, "Right when I'm the happiest I've been in my life?"
Aria gave Haley a sympathetic smile. "Do you want me to read the letter and tell you if it's worth your time or worry? Do you want me to be here when you read it?" she asked.
Haley nodded innocently. She took a deep breath.
Peyton gave her a supportive smile.
Haley reluctantly tore open the envelope, pulling out three handwritten pages. She gulped at the beginning. The first page was dated in the middle of May, or about eight months ago (as it was now January). It was around the same time that Haley had given birth to Jamie.
Dearest Haley,
I realize that I probably don't even deserve for you to read the letter. I've accepted that. But I just needed to get my feelings out, so regardless of whether or not you're reading this, I know that I needed to write it for myself.
I owe you a thousand apologies for all the pain and grief I must have caused you. You're an amazing woman and you never deserved me cheating on you. But I want you to understand that I didn't cheat because I didn't love you, or because I disliked your body or anything like that. As carnal and horrible as it sounds, I just wanted the sex. None of those girls meant a thing to me. None of them held a candle to you. I didn't love any of them. I only loved you.
I also want to apologize for my drinking. I know it got out of hand, but I think you understand that a lot of pressure has been on me for so long. Especially with our new engagement, I just needed to find a way to take the edge off. I was stressed that I was messing everything up…for everybody. I was scared that I wouldn't live up to my family's standards, or your expectations. I should've realized that you would've accepted me, no matter what, because you loved me. And I loved you. I was so stupid for thinking otherwise. I was stupid for hitting you on occasion. I don't even have an excuse for it. I know it was wrong and horrible for a man to hit a woman.
But I'd also like to talk about the way you left me. Even though I know I hurt you a lot, I don't think it was right for you to have left in the way you did. You threw away my ring? You left Paris and you left the house, no words or letter or anything before you left. You didn't even tell me a word about our baby.
Another thing is our baby. I heard from a lot of people that you were pregnant. One of my friends saw you with Peyton Sawyer, and they said you looked about seven months pregnant. You weren't even going to tell me? The baby is half my DNA, too. I feel like I should've found out from you that I was a father instead of from someone else. I can't guarantee it would change things, but I'd at least pay child support or help out where I could.
How is the baby? Is he okay? Are you okay? I'm asking because it's been on my mind every day for months. I can only picture you with a child, and each time I do, I remember what I missed out on. I'm so, so sorry for being an ass.
The next letter was dated in June when Haley had been seeing Nathan for about two and a half months. Haley skipped past all the formalities and went right to where her attention was called.
One last thing. How's the basketball player? What's his name again? I met him once. Another thing I heard from someone is that they saw you with that guy recently. You were laughing and talking and holding hands. One time, I saw you myself. You were kissing him. I wanted to run over there, but I had to remind myself that you weren't mine anymore.
Where was our child? Are you raising them to believe that he's the father? Haley, you can't be angry at me for not being there for a child I didn't know existed. And you can't just raise a kid to think that their father is someone entirely different from the truth. It's not fair for anyone. If he wants to legally adopt our child, I'll contest the adoption. Did you even put my name as the father on his birth certificate or did you have Nathan do that for you, too?
Haley scowled at the accusation, feeling like a whore for Clay even speculating that. Then she felt worse with Clay talking with such contempt over their son.
And while we're confessing here, I saw you for who you really are. So maybe I'm not so sorry that I ever cheated on you. I just felt guilty that I was caught. I guess you can't say the same since I never caught you and Nathan together in the act. You don't even have to deny it since I knew something was going on between the two of you. You were way too close to be "just friends". But I'm sure you were doing it for a lot more than sex.
Was the kid even mine?
Haley took a shaky breath as she put the note down. She couldn't deal with the emotions it brought up—any of them.
Peyton examined her. "What's wrong, Hales?"
In response, Haley brought over the letter to her, trading the pieces of paper with Anna as Peyton began to read them. Haley rocked Anna.
She heard Peyton gasp. "Haley, this is not good."
Haley sighs. "I know. He doesn't even realize that…that…"
Peyton cut her off before she let Haley's emotions overcome her. "Haley, don't. Okay? That ass is not going to screw things up for you now. Nathan is not going to let him do that. You're not going to let him do that," she reminded her.
Haley sighed, thinking about it. "I know, but this letter scares me. What if he comes back? Clay is a spiteful, vengeful person when he wants to be. He seemed pretty upset from the tone of those letters," she speculated as Anna made tiny cooing noises and gurgles.
Peyton bit her lip. She didn't know what to say to that. "What do you think? That he'll kill you, or something?"
Haley's eyes widened by the sound of that, and she sat down to prevent her from fainting with Nathan. "I just feel like I've come so far from my life with Clay. I mean, I'm more independent and confident and just…proud of myself now. I don't need a man, even though I love Nathan. He doesn't define me, whereas, Clay kind of did. It was like I couldn't stand without him, and that's not healthy. Clay didn't have any faith in me and Nathan just pushes me further and further. But now that Clay's back…I feel like he knocked me back like five spaces," she confessed, putting Anna down.
Peyton rubbed Haley's arm with a sympathetic smile.
Nathan looked outside the window into the heart of the city as he loosened the tie around his neck. He smiled thinking of how much Haley loved New York City.
"I don't know why, but I feel like that city is like my home," she'd say, smiling at the mere thought. "It never sleeps, and personally, I think that we have time to sleep when we die. That city is immortal. It just lives on and on and on. Sometimes I wonder how it's possible for the lights to shine so bright in New York City."
And then Nathan remembered how he first realized he fell in love with Haley. He remembered how he admitted it to her.
He had continued with his recollection of flying to Paris. "I was flying over the Atlantic Ocean when I had an epiphany—"
Haley interrupted him, speaking finally. "An epiphany? Who even uses that word? It sounds so archaic," she said.
He scoffed. "Look who's talking, Thesaurus. Anyway, I had an epiphany. As I was flying over the Atlantic Ocean, seeing the light reflecting from New York City, I realized that those lights were only paralleled by the sparkle in your eyes. And I realized then that I loved you."
He remembered it perfectly. It was such a pivotal moment in their relationship. He knew he could never forget, and he thought of what Haley would say if she were there now.
"This is the best view in the world," she would say. "You can see the lights, the water, the people…"
He'd interrupt her. "Well, it's almost the best view in the world."
She would scoff. "Really? What could be better than this?"
"You."
Haley would smile and Nathan would kiss her.
God, he missed her. He just wanted to share this moment with her.
He glanced down at his phone, contemplating calling her, but saw that it was already eleven-thirty and he would likely end up getting yelled at for disrupting her nighttime routine (which she was still anal about). He opted to send her a text message instead.
Haley looked up from her book on his side of the bed and glanced at her phone when she heard it beep.
She opened the message and saw a picture of New York City in the nighttime, the lights all over the place. Her heart yearned for New York at that very moment. It was a safe haven free from ex-girlfriends and ex-fiancés.
She scrolled down to read the message.
I know it's a poor substitute for the real thing, but I at least wanted to show you your favourite city in the world. Goodnight (or good morning…depending on when you get this). xoxo.
Haley smiled, thinking of how he was thinking of her.
I love you. And I love that city, but…I'll always love you more.
Nathan woke up and peered out the window, reminding himself for the thousandth time that he was in New York City and Haley was not there with him.
Two days ago, he could've sworn that she was there when he woke up.
Toby sleepily opened his eyes, the Manhattan sun greeting him. He groaned loudly.
His ears perked up when he heard Haley's laugh from the other side of the bed.
"Someone isn't a morning person, are they?" she teased from across the room.
He squeezed his eyes shut, telling himself that he was hallucinating. "I'm dreaming, right? You can't really be here," he said, not sure if he was saying it to himself or Haley…if she was really there.
She laughed again. "Of course I'm here, Silly. I'm standing right in front of you!" she exclaimed, and Nathan looked up to see Haley there.
Her porcelain skin looked flawless and Nathan was reminded of how beautiful she looked fresh-faced and sans makeup. She was wearing only a shirt of his. He felt a lump rising in his throat as she walked up to the bed, crawling on the pure white sheets so she was on top of him, her lips centimetres away from his. "Do you need me to prove to you that I'm really here?" she taunted, her voice going down half an octave.
He froze as Haley ran her hand down his chest. "Um…no? Did you follow me all the way here?" he asked.
She sighed, shrugging. "Well, I wasn't planning on following you here, but after the first night, I started to get terribly lonely. I mean…there was nobody there to touch or hold me during the night. So I just took the next train here. I had to tell the people downstairs that we were married so they'd give me a key to the room, but…it was worth it, right?" she inquired with a smirk.
He nodded. Haley took his hands and placed them on her thighs, guiding them up and down. His heart stopped for a moment when he realized she was actually wearing a ring on her wedding finger. It wasn't the ring she had when she was engaged to Clay. He could've jumped out of his skin when he realized it was his own mother's engagement ring.
She brought his hands all the way up to her hips, making him fully aware that she really was wearing just his shirt. His breath hitched in his throat.
Haley moved her hands to on top of his to his chest, keeping him pressed firmly against the headboard of the bed. "So…do you like what you feel?" she asked deviously.
Before she could get a reply, she kissed him. Her kisses were so amazing. Each one, even so, many months after they first kissed, felt amazing. There was no loss of passion or anything like that as time wore on.
Nathan woke up two hours later from his supposed dream. He couldn't shake the numbness his lips felt after being kissed by Haley's. The other side of the bed was oddly untucked, though Nathan was usually a pretty still sleeper.
Was Haley actually there with him?
"Haley? Haley?" he called out.
There was no answer. The hotel room was void of life except for him. He kind of wished that she had, in fact, followed him to New York City.
Immediately, he came upon a solution to calm his separation anxiety, which would show Haley that he really did miss her.
Thirty minutes later, after getting dressed and getting coffee (as strong as the barista could make it, which was still no match for Haley's coffee), he headed over to his destination.
He looked at displays, trying to decide which would be the best. Finally, he made his decision.
"Is it possible to get this display in irises?"
Haley stood near the window in the apartment, reading the card that was with the irises Nathan had sent her while she was in New York.
She smiled at the thought. She placed the card down on the coffee table when she heard knocking on the door.
Brooke was supposed to be coming over, which made Haley happy. She kind of loved being girly with her; getting all starstruck and tongue-tied over their boyfriends. Brooke was still going strong with Lucas and professed multiple times how much she loved Lucas. Haley couldn't be happier for both of them.
She didn't even check the peephole to see who it was. She just opened the door.
She could've sworn she felt her heart stop when she saw who was standing there.
"Clay? What are you doing here?"
Clay invited himself in. He didn't answer but looked all around the room. Haley crossed her arms, displeased with his BS.
"You're in my home, so you have to answer to my questions. What are you doing here?" she pressed again, this time more sternly and irritably.
"I just wanted to see you. It's been a really long time," he said.
She tried not to let her anger overcome her, but found it pretty much impossible. She let out a shaky breath. "Well, in my opinion, forever wouldn't be long enough," she mumbled.
"Are they here?" Clay asked, ignoring her mumbling.
"Who?" Haley snapped.
"Nathan…our child," he said uneasily.
With hesitation, Haley thought back to the letter, remembering that Clay had no idea of the fate of their son. She realized he didn't even know whether it was a boy or a girl.
"No, they're not here," she said. She didn't mention that Jamie had passed away. As far as she was concerned, he didn't deserve to know anything about him. Her blood began to boil thinking about Clay not being there. "And for the record, Clay, you don't deserve to know anything about our son. He might be half your DNA, but that doesn't make you entitled to anything. You weren't there when…"
And even though he might not have been there for her half the time when she really needed him, Clay could still tell when Haley was close to breaking.
"How could I have possibly been there when he was born if you never even told me you were pregnant?" he asked softly.
Haley let out a mangled sob but then shook her head. "No…no, I can't have this conversation. You should really just…just go, Clay. Please just leave," she said, turning away so he wouldn't have to see her cry.
Clay still didn't understand. "Haley, I don't want to be a deadbeat father, because one day, he's going to find out the truth."
Haley shook her head furiously, still looking out the window. "No, Clay, you don't understand. There isn't going to be a one day," she snapped.
"W—what do you mean?" he asked, still not connecting the dots. "Is he really not mine? Did you put someone else's name on the birth certificate?"
"Oh, for Christ sake—the baby is dead!"
Haley recoiled when she finally admitted it. She leaned down against the wall with the window, sliding down to the floor. She didn't even try to contain the sobs which were coming out freely now.
With so many thoughts and emotions going through her mind, Haley didn't even notice Clay sitting down next to her. She only noticed when he reached out to take her hand and comfort her.
Haley flinched a little but didn't move her hand from his. She needed some kind of human comfort. And try as he might, Nathan couldn't understand the same situation Haley was in unless he lived through it as she did.
She realized with some kind of dread that Clay was the only person who was in the same exact situation as she was when it came to losing Jamie.
There were no words, but Haley let herself cry in front of Clay, not really caring anymore.
Another thing she realized—and rather reluctantly—was that she couldn't keep up the façade that she never cared about Clay. Though she tried so hard after their breakup to rid of any evidence he was ever present in her life, she realized that at one point, she loved him. Or at least, she had believed she loved him. He would always be the father of her first child—even though she tried hard not to remember his presence in her life, either. There was too much pain and guilt when she thought of Jamie; pain because of the horrific way she lost him; guilt because she felt there were so many ways she could've avoided his death.
Following his death, Haley learned of the many, many ways she may have helped cause his demise. She kept a toy in his crib. She allowed him to sleep on his side or stomach when the recommended sleep position was on his back. She allowed herself to smoke after he was born, and was sure that while she never smoked right in front of him, he ingested nicotine somehow. She felt she didn't get enough prenatal care. There was a whole list of reasons she blamed herself. She would choose one or more at random to scrutinize for the day.
So for some reason, as she was sitting, crying with ClaY, she felt at peace. She felt like maybe she could finally move on from the past. Maybe.
But maybe there was another piece of her which would always be rooted in the past. She could certainly never forget those things that Clay had ever given her.
"And that was Jamie when he was born," Haley said as she handed Clay a picture of her holding Jamie.
Clay looked at the photo in amazement. Haley smiled absentmindedly at the photo, just thinking of him.
"He was such a good baby," she began, thinking of holding him again. She could feel tears forming, but at this point, no longer cared. "He didn't cry at night; he just slept. And he laughed. And you could see how much he loved everyone."
Haley could see Clay was also on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry I never got to know him."
Haley bit her lip. "I'm sorry for not telling you about him," she answered finally. "You at least deserved to find out from me. I mean…he was your son, too. But I was just so upset when he died. It's one thing to miscarry a child, but…it's another story when you give birth to him. You hold him…you get to see him smile…or hear his laugh…and then you get to fall in love. And then it's all just taken away from you," Haley said, beginning to sob again. "Maybe, in a way, you're lucky you never got to meet him."
"Haley, that only makes things worse. I'll never get to meet him."
Haley sniffled in some kind of agreement. She tried to pull herself together, failing completely.
"Well…thank you for talking to me, Haley. I'm sorry for just barging in here, unexpected, but I figured you'd probably avoid me if I called you," he explained.
Haley nodded, avoiding eye contact with him. Also like old times, the thought of showing vulnerability towards Clay made her stomach churn.
"Well…that's true. You should probably go now," Haley insisted, not looking up at him.
Clay nodded and sullenly made his way to the door. Haley, not hiding her tears anymore, gathered photos and reminders of Jamie's short life and put them back in the box—which Nathan didn't even know about—that she kept all his things in.
Nathan looked at the irises, a few of which were sitting on what would be Haley's side of the bed, the others in a vase on the desk in the room.
Nathan thought of irises when he thought of Haley. After all, irises symbolized inspiration, and Haley inspired Nathan to be so much.
He hated how much he missed her. He thanked God that he would be seeing her in another two days. He couldn't handle separation anxiety anymore; he simply wanted to hold her, kiss her, and tell her just how much he loved her.
Clay sighed as he sat at the bar. He was in a bar he had sat at a hundred times, only this time was much different.
Instead of trying to erase thoughts of his fiancé (or his ex-fiancé), he was trying to forget all about what Haley had told him about their son.
He threw back another shot, the alcohol burning as it slid down his throat.
"Whoa. You'd better slow down. Soon enough, you won't even be able to see your hand in front of your face," chirped a voice to Clay's left.
He turned slightly to see a girl with dirty blond hair and blue eyes smiling.
He shrugged. "I've been through a lot today; cut me a break," he pleaded with a slight slur.
She laughed a little bit. "Alright, just this once. And that's only because I had a tough week, too," she said.
He shook his head. "It couldn't have been worse than my day today," he insisted.
"You're probably right. I came all the way here to see if my college boyfriend would take me back. I came here to find that he has a girlfriend. And she's really pretty," she said with a sigh. "What about you?"
"I found out that I had a son but unfortunately he passed," he said bitterly, taking another shot to dull the pain.
The girl sighed. "I'm sorry. I must sound like a whining bitch in comparison to what you've been through. That's horrible," she soothed, putting her hand on his arm.
He looked at her hand, trying to decide whether or not this was real.
"Getting drunk isn't going to do anything, though," she reminded him.
He sighed and nodded. "I know."
The girl smiled. "I think I should get you out of here before you finish another bottle of tequila."
He looked at the girl in amusement. He offered no resistance when she took him by the hand and dragged him out of the bar.
Haley sat, in the apartment, she shared with Nathan. Ever since Clay had paid her an unexpected visit, she had anticipated his arrival even more.
She was growing more and more anxious as the minutes and seconds passed. She just craved human comfort like nothing else.
When she finally heard the door open, she was so excited. She turned, breaking into a smile immediately. She got up and ran over to him, throwing her arms around his neck.
"You have no idea how much I missed you," she said as she gave him a hug.
He laughed. "I missed you, too. Did you get your gifts?"
She let go of him, nodding. "I got all of them. Why did you send me so many flowers while you were away?" she asked, referencing his gift of irises, which preceded purple hyacinths she had gotten two days later. "And are you really that infatuated with the colour purple? I mean, all the flowers you get me are purple. You gave me purple hibiscuses when we started dating, and now you're giving me purple irises and hyacinths. Is there a pattern here?" she interrogated.
"Why? Do you have something against the colour purple?"
"No, it's a lovely colour in between blue and red on the colour wheel. But I'm wondering if it means something."
He thought about it, glancing at the hyacinths which were positioned perfectly on the table. "It means good judgment. And I think I have really good judgment in one way or another because I have you."
She raised an eyebrow. She thought about it, glancing at the hyacinths which were positioned perfectly on the table. "So you chose me? If I'm not mistaken, I think that you waited a while before you actually said something to me about your feelings," she reminded him.
"Um…well…purple symbolizes magic, and being with you is a euphoria I can only compare to magic," he amended.
She nodded, biting her lip and suppressing a laugh at his expense. "That's a good one, Jack Frost. Maybe you should write that down…it's very poetic. Actually, I think that you can start a website by now of romantic sayings for people who aren't as good of boyfriends as you are," she teased. "They could go there and get some quotes that are so romantic, their girlfriends will fall head-over-heels for them. You know—kind of like how I am with you."
Nathan smiled. "Kind of?" he inquired? "I thought you were devastatingly in love with me."
Haley rolled her eyes with a smile. "Fine. I'm devastatingly in love with you. And I'm the only girl who will ever be this lucky to have you, right?"
"Of course," he answered without thinking.
Meanwhile, on the other side of town, something much different was happening.
Lindsey sat across from Clay in her apartment, offering him coffee. He took it, silently offering a thank you.
"Do you want to talk some more?"
He shrugged. "It's just…I was engaged to this girl. She never told me she was pregnant and she kind of just…left me. I hadn't seen her, but someone told me about her being pregnant. When I finally talked to her about it, she told me that the baby's here but I'll never be able to see him."
Lindsey bit her lip. She eventually put her hand on his arm, trying to provide some kind of comfort to him as some tears came to his eyes.
"I'm so sorry. I can't believe she wouldn't tell you something like that."
He was silent for a moment. Finally, he said, "I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I deserved it. I mean, I never told her so many things…"
She looked at him for a moment, observing him. "You keep giving these vague clues to something. What do you want to say? You don't have to tiptoe around anything," she insisted.
"I'm a bad person," he continued vaguely.
"So am I. We all have our faults. You don't have to feel bad about it," she persuaded.
"Really bad. I cheated so much on her. And it was so stupid, but…it was like an itch I had to scratch. It was just sex. I didn't think that it would ruin our relationship. If I could go back and not do it…I would," he told Lindsey.
Lindsey nodded. "I feel the same way about my ex. I never took things seriously with him. But I was scared. I never realized it, but I was with him longer than I had been with anyone. I never realized the extent of my feelings for him. Not until he was already gone," she said.
"What happened?" he inquired, drinking some coffee. The bitter taste reminded him of Haley. He couldn't have set it down quickly after that.
She sighed, recalling past events with uneasiness. "Really, we were both young. I knew I was his first everything, but I wasn't mature enough to realize what that meant. I didn't know how much faith and how much of his heart he put into our relationship, and in the end, I just destroyed it," she explained softly.
"And how did that happen?"
Lindsey gulped thinking it over.
"Nathan, this is ridiculous. What could you possibly be doing?" Haley complained again as she messed with the tie of his he had placed over her eyes.
"Haley, relax. I haven't done anything, have I?" he inquired innocently.
"No, but I still didn't feel okay with you feeding me while I'm blindfolded," she added bitterly.
He laughed. "Somehow, I'm not surprised. Your mind always seems to be in the gutter."
She scoffed. "I have a loose imagination, thank you very much," she retorted.
He simply laughed. He opened the door. He sighed, looking around at the room he hadn't really been in for a while. "This is either going to be extremely creepy or touching for you," he commented.
"Can I take this stupid tie off now?" she asked.
"I thought you liked that tie! Rachel gave me that tie. I'm telling her that you insulted it," he answered childishly. He moved behind her, shutting the door behind them, and proceeding to untie the makeshift blindfold.
"Well Rachel can bite me then," she replied jokingly as she allowed Nathan to take his tie off her face.
Haley opened her eyes and was greeted by a whirlwind of colours. Most noticeably were the red hues which were splashed throughout the room. Many of the red paintings were just abstract blendings of different shades of red. There were also several paintings of flowers, ranging from hyacinths to orchids to irises.
"What is this?" she inquired, her brown eyes filling with wonder as they studied the room.
"This is where you'll either find it amusing or creepy, and I honestly wouldn't blame you if you broke up with me over this."
She furrowed her eyebrows but didn't peel her eyes away from the paintings and drawings.
"This room is where I go, sometimes, when I want to draw something outside of work, and ever since I met you, this is what I've come up with," he explained, looking over his own work.
"Is that why you were so touchy about this room?" she asked, recalling the several times she had come over his apartment and he firmly said not to enter that room.
"I was worried you'd think I was painting with blood or something morbid like that," he explained.
She looked at it all in amazement. She saw the tiny, subtle, careful brushstrokes throughout the paintings. "I don't know what to feel."
Suddenly, a thought popped up in her mind. "Hey, if you're so inspired by me, and I'm your 'muse' or whatever, why aren't there any pictures of me?" she teased.
He answered simply and without hesitation. "No matter how hard I try, my drawings could never be half as beautiful as you are."
She was about to say something very sweet as she looked at him. She opened her mouth to speak, but her attention was called by a painting behind him. Her eyes became wide as she walked over to examine one painting in particular.
She picked it up, showing Nathan as his eyes followed her.
"Is this—?"
She trailed off, and Nathan picked it up.
"This is the exact scene in Paris. I remembered it vividly. It'd funny, the things you remember when you miss someone," he answered.
Her jaw hung open, taking in what this all was. "Now I'm sure how I feel. Nathan…this is beautiful," she said.
"Still…not as beautiful as you. And I finally wanted to share it with you now that you know how I feel about flowers and things like that."
Haley smiled, walking over towards him. She placed her hands on his face. "You are about as sappy as a Hallmark card, and I love you for it. Now I understand all the flowers. They all mean something. Irises are an inspiration. Purple hyacinths are a passion," she said.
"Orchids and hibiscus flowers are delicate beauty, which you were from the moment I met you," he told her, referencing the flowers he had brought her on their first dates. She smiled fondly at the memory.
Nathan walked over to the far corner of the room, where there was an easel covered in a tarp.
"And then there's the one I've been thinking of a lot lately. Now, we've gotten to a new phase in our relationship, when it comes to being more intimate and living together," he said, putting his hand on the cover.
She smiled. Finally, she commented, "Wow. You used the word intimate. I don't think I've ever heard a guy use that word before."
He chose to ignore the comment. Taking a deep breath, he pulled it off.
Haley gasped at the realism in the picture. It looked like a perfect photo of tuberoses.
"Tuberoses mean pleasure, and white means purity. Haley, being with you is the best experience I've ever had, in my entire life," he claimed, taking both of her hands.
She stared at the picture in awe. "You're so amazing. I could tell you that, along with how much I love you, every second of every day, but it could never be enough," she said quietly. "But I love you so much, and this is amazing. You're amazing," she repeated, her smile growing wider with each word.
Nathan pulled her closer, an identical wide smile on his face. He kissed her sweetly and Haley reciprocated his actions.
"So are we keeping that picture in here?" Haley asked as she leaned her head on his chest.
"We can keep it wherever you want it," he answered softly.
"I want it in here, along with all the other beautiful things you've made," she responded.
He nodded, smiling. Haley pecked him on the lips once more.
Aah! Clay is back. Uh-oh, will she cause trouble for Naley? We will see. I also would like to apologize for the lack of Brucas and Jeyton these last few chapters. As I mentioned, I am trying to build upon Naley's relationship, but they will be featured in the next couple of chapters. I could really use some ideas because I'm very conflicted in which direction I'm taking this story now. If you have any ideas feel free to PM them to me or leave it in the reviews.
thibbs65: Thank you! Interesting theory, why do you think Nathan will sleep with Rachel somewhere down the road? What gives you that impression? Lindsey will create some major drama for Naley that's for sure!. I love both as well, so I'm glad you're okay with the lack of them for Naley's sake.
naley12: Thank you! I am happy to hear that you are enjoying this story. This story and their relationship will have A LOT of drama thrown their way, but considering it's Naley I'm sure they will bounce back from everything. Lindsey will definitely cause drama but she's sort of a compelling character.
dianehermans: Brucas will come shortly I promise! for now, we're just gonna have to deal with Naley.
Guest: Thank you! I am glad you love and enjoy this story! I am not sure, but I plan on making it around 30-45 chapters but we see! It depends on how things play out context-wise.
Thanks for reading! Until next time! ~ Sidney