The window was supposed to help with the claustrophobia and perhaps under perfect conditions, it could.
There was a moment, at the beginning, where it felt like an elevator, where the ceiling crept closer, in slow motion, where a tingle formed in her stomach, her chest, crawled downward, spread outward, then set upon her skin like a million tiny insects. Where she could feel her head filaments rustle as if caught in a soft breeze washing over her. Then the acceleration kicked in, and the stars started to blur, come at her, and she thought to herself the window was supposed to help with the claustrophobia, but it didn't, and her body collapsed inward with fear.
Kara Zor-El met her cousin Kal two days after he was born, his eyes still milky white, his head smooth as a stone from a creek, and just as misshapen. Inside she danced, imagining herself rocking side to side, from foot to foot. Outside, she stayed still, calm, betraying nothing to her father and uncle, to prove she could behave, and to not embarrass her mother, who had lobbied so hard to include her in the visit.
Kara wanted to gather him up, rub him across her face to inhale his scent, run her fingers across the spots in his head where his ridges would eventually push their way through. She had never seen anything more amazing, more beautiful, than her tiny cousin. She imagined him growing up, growing older, playing with him in the yard, teaching him numbers, helping him pick out his first science robes (because, of course he would go into science), his first date, his wife, and his first child; who would also be the most impossible, amazing, beautiful thing she could imagine.
Mother, may I touch his hand?
Of course, Allura said, ignoring Jor-El's stiffening posture.
Kara would have normally missed the subtle change entirely, but she was so focused on doing things right, to not, ever, embarrass her mother in front of her uncle. She caught the motion in her left eyes, paused, to what felt like an eternity, unsure of how to proceed. Lara, so much more aware of her husband and his moods, stepped forward and took Kara's hand, laying it gently on Kal's face.
It's okay, she said quietly. Don't worry about Uncle Jor, he'll be okay.
Kara blushed and murmured thank you, too quietly for her Aunt to hear, but Lara's smile indicated she knew what Kara's bowed head meant. Lara stepped over to Jor-El and gently lead him to where Kara's parents sat, and the adults concerned themselves with things adults concern themselves with. She had more important things.
Kara ran her hand over Kal's face, over those as yet imaginary ridges, gently, around his eyes, over his nose, to that tiny, tiny chin. She leaned closer, knowing Kal couldn't see more than a smear of color where she was, but wanting him to get used to her scent, the sound of her voice as she whispered to him, greetings, hopes, promises for the future.
Kal reached up and gripped her finger, tugged it, perhaps to suckle, or practice his bite. Several minutes too late, she realized she had been touching him way longer than appropriate for a first meeting and she suddenly sat and folded her hands and waited for admonishment that never came and after waiting she prayed. To Rao. To the lesser gods. Cythonna, the infertile. Yuda, whose outward love her uncle would disapprove of. To Telle, Mordo, and Lorra. She prayed for blessings, and future favors. When she felt she'd prayed enough and no scolding voice came to shoo her away, she leaned over onto the crib and rested her fingertips on Kal's head, hoping she could leave them there forever.
On the tram ride home, her parents sat her between them, something they hadn't done since she was child. She wanted desperately to sit by the window. Ahead, right now, across the flatlands, at night, there was nothing to see. But, later, and far away, Argo City, home, was coming.
The Koros outcropping blocked the view of the city upon approach. First, these miles of darkness, encompassing, as if the world had not yet been painted. Then, a short streak of grey and lesser blacks as the tram rounds the last stony corner.
Finally, suddenly, Argo City appears, and a more spectacular reveal, she could not imagine. Lights and motion, irregular spires punching the atmosphere, draped in tram rails. A neon beehive, stuffed to the brim and tossed to the ground, each broken piece surrounded with a million tiny glows seeking to find their way back in.
It continued to fill her with the same delight she felt the very first time she saw it. But it was easier to see from the window seat.
Did you enjoy your visit, Kara?
Very much. Thank you, mother, for letting me come.
You were very well behaved.
Her father was silent on the matter, but she took that as a show of agreement. Her father, much like his brother, was quick to voice opinion and equally at ease not adding unnecessary comment.
Allura glanced up at Zor, giving him a soft nod. Zor-El had already produced a small tablet, smoothing unfolding it to rest in his lap. In the darkness around them the light of it brushed a small pool on their faces, like monks over a candle.
Kara tried to piece together what she was being shown. There was a globe, a planet she supposed, based on her family's predilection for things beyond Krypton. It rotated slowly, a calming tint of blue, white and greens. He wiped away the data flow around the images. Her father knew she got motion sickness from reading on the tram. The other images seemed to be animals of some sort, similar to each other, but in a range of colors and secondary characteristics. Smooth, plain features, two eyes, various head decoration.
Are these animals of some sort? she asked him, not taking her eyes off the screen.
Of a sort, yes. Do you like any of them better than the others?
Kara didn't understand the question. I don't know, I'm not sure I have enough information. Do I get to know habits or what they eat or anything like that?
That's not really important for the question, her mother said softly. Just based on how they look, which one do you like the most?
They weren't trying to hurry herm, but she didn't want to give a wrong answer. So, finally, she pointed. This one.
Are you sure? Her father tilted the screen up to make sure she got a full view.
Kara nodded. I like her yellow head covering.
It's a protein filament, we think, Allura said, glancing up for confirmation from Zor-El. Like yours, she said, running her fingers through Kara's filaments, but it doesn't have any nerve endings, so you can't feel anything with it.
Oh. What's the point of that, then?
Her father pushed the other images out of the way and enlarged the one Kara had chosen. Well, you can lengthen or shorten it various ways, for display.
Kara reached out and rotated the figure, moved part of it around. What are these things, papa? Where do they live?
Your cousin Kal has to take a trip.
Kara turned to face her mother. Okay.
We want you to go with him. To look after him.
Kara quickly looked back and forth between her parents. This time a little of the dance spilled to the outside.
Zor-El folded the tablet up and glanced around, making sure no one noticed Kara's excitement. The other passengers kept to themselves or were sleeping away the time to Argo City.
Allura set her hand gently on Kara's face. Honey, this is important.
Kara flushed, embarrassed, and obeyed, as quickly as she could contain herself. Calm down, she told herself, until she did.
Your father and I have all the confidence you'll do a good job. That you'll be brave.
What do I to do? Where are we going?
Your uncle Jor-El is programming a Brainiac for you. It will teach you everything you need to know on the way.
Where are we going? Are you going to be there? Is Lara and Jor?
Her mother looked away, unable to continue.
Your mother and I won't be there, Kara, nor will your aunt and uncle. You'll be on your own.
Kara took her mother's hand, pulling it gently to regain her attention. What's going on?
Allura took Kara's face in her hands. Kara. Everything is going to be okay. We can't tell you why you need to go and we're sorry we can't come. She paused. The abstract notion about lying to her daughter came to reality, quickly, violently, despite months in preparation.
You'll only be gone for a little while. When you get back, we'll tell you everything.
Okay.
You have to be brave.
Okay. I will.
Allura continued to hold Kara's face, their eyes matching motion, color.
I'll be brave, mommy, I promise.
And she was, even as she learned more about her journey to the other planet, and how she would need to help Kal on this new world. She studied the therianthropy aunt Lara had designed into Brainiac. During the journey Brainiac would alter them, so both her and her cousin would blend in with the natives. So smooth, so plain. She got to help Lara pick out a suitable skin for Kal.
She learned how hard it was to build her ship, that her father had marshaled all their resources just for hers. Her father explained how much harder it was to build for two, how impossible it was for three, how she was special, how her cousin was special, and she believed, and she was brave, and she did not embarrass her mother by asking questions that, in the end, didn't matter.
Of course she was going.
When she returned, when she was transformed back into the form Rao had blessed her with, they would tell her everything. They would be so proud of her and she would be so proud of herself, for what she had done.
She tried to be brave, as the forward motion smeared the stars like a million tiny drops of dew sliding down glass, as her body was set to the uncontrollable tingle like a million insects, turning her excitement to anxiousness, then confusion.
In the distance, over the horizon of Krypton, Rao swelled, and vanished, and for a moment she was in the tram, rounding that last rocky spire, in a world not yet painted, fingers wiggling for the bright reveal.
Then a wave of blinding light washed over her home planet and it shattered like a dropped plate.
G-forces pitched her sideways as the shock wave slapped her ship. Sparks showered around her, bounced off the inside of the window, a glorious fireworks display for her eyes only, until they landed hot and smoking, on her clothing and skin.
Kara, we are off course.
Brainiac, what happened? Someone was shouting and she realized it was her.
Query not recognized.
Where's Krypton?
Query not recognized.
Brainiac, I want to talk to my father!
Kara tried to make sense of the navigation display, but a long crack bisected it, the data falling across the gap like water draining.
Concussive force ripped the metal around her, threated to crush the meager inches of space around her. Something solid struck the ship, causing an echoing peal of thunder.
Brainiac!
Query not recognized.
She tried to be brave, but the window wasn't helping and someone was screaming, their throat numbing from the pain, and she realized it was her.