"I think it's very healthy to spend time alone You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person."
- Oscar Wilde
Chapter 11
January 20, 2007
Nathan looked at the clock once more. In the last fifteen minutes, he had probably looked about seven times, checking on when Haley would finally come out.
"Hales?" he asked again.
"Nathan! Calm down! I'll be out in a minute!" she shouted harshly from the bathroom.
He made a mental note not to call her again. Finally, about three minutes later, Haley emerged. Nathan was speechless. She was always beautiful, but she looked amazing now.
"You hate it, don't you?" she asked self-consciously before moving to get a new outfit from their closet.
"No! Haley, you look amazing," he said, barely forming the words.
She frowned. "This dress looks horrible, doesn't it? I'm sorry. I just can't find the one I was looking fo—"
She stopped immediately as Nathan put his hands on her arms, running them up and down slowly. She could feel his breath on her neck. She gulped.
"Haley, you look beautiful. I always think you look beautiful, but now…you're stunning," he promised her. "Now, come on. We have to get to dinner now."
She nodded, gulping again. "Nathan? I promised Peyton that we would make Anna's birthday cake for tomorrow, so maybe…we could do that when we come back?" she asked, not facing him.
He nodded. "Sure. It sounds like fun."
"What does the term 'sensible shoes' mean, anyway? I wear three inches or I wear nothing. But preferably, I wear three inches," Brooke said before she took a sip of coffee.
Peyton rolled her eyes good-naturedly at her brunette friend. As she paused between solving Sudoku, she looked up and saw a familiar blonde ordering up front at the coffee place.
"Hey, wait. Is that—?"
Peyton trailed off and Brooke turned to see the blonde.
"What is with this girl?" Peyton asked finally.
Brooke turned back, taking out her dangling earrings and putting them on the table. "I don't know, but I'm dealing with this bitch now," she announced, getting up. Peyton was frozen for a moment before she got up and chased her.
Brooke wasn't letting Peyton stop her. She wasn't Nathan's best friend, but his friend, nonetheless, and she wanted him to be happy. Though he seemed happy, his relationship with Lindsey was always chaotic.
She was never around for him. She was always out doing God-knows-what with God-knows-who God-knows-where. He was always crushed, sitting at home, waiting for her. He gave a lot in the relationship, only to get very little.
Brooke stood on the side, never saying anything. But she should've. Nathan was being abused mentally, and it was ugly. She was a snake.
Lindsey was just walking away from the counter when she almost ran into Brooke.
"Brooke? Brooke Davis?" she inquired, beginning to smile as she looked at Brooke.
Brooke greeted her with stone-cold silence. She wasn't amused.
Lindsey's smile faded. "What's wrong?"
Peyton finally stood next to Brooke. Lindsey looked from the brunette to the blonde, thinking.
"We need to talk," Brooke announced finally.
Haley fidgeted with her hands as she waited for Nathan to come back to their table. She fiddled with the ring resting on her right ring finger. She twirled it around, unable to keep her fingers still. She examined it intently.
Absentmindedly, she took the flashy piece of jewelry off her right hand and placed it on her left ring finger. She shifted it so the dim light would catch it perfectly. She smiled, subconsciously hoping that one day, that finger would be occupied with a more expensive, flashier ring.
Nathan came back. Haley snapped up in attention.
He looked at her with some kind of amusement. "What are you doing, Hales?"
"Nothing," she promised innocently as she took a sip of red wine.
He noticed the ring resting on her finger. "Are you hoping to get a glimpse into your future?" he asked playfully.
She raised an eyebrow. "What?"
He pointed towards her ring. Blushing, she took it off and placed it in her original place.
"Haley," he began. He took her hands in his, so they were holding hands across the table. "It's not bad to want that for the two of us. Is marriage something that you want?" he asked.
Haley sighed. "I'm not going to lie, Nathan, and say that it's something I'm never going to want, because I know I will, eventually. But I'm just scared that…maybe our relationship will end like mine with Clay. He really wasn't cheating on me until we got engaged." Haley only realized she had begun to cry when Nathan reached across the table to wipe the tear away. "I don't want us to end like that."
"Haley…I would never, ever cheat on you. Please believe me when I say that. I would never hurt you in the way he has. And I don't want you to ever think that any of it was your fault."
"But what if…what if I'm no good at marriage? What if that's what happened to Clay and I? What if you—"
"I'm not going anywhere, as much as I can tell you're trying to get rid of me," Nathan joked.
Haley gave him a slight smile at his attempt at humour.
One of the things she loved most about him.
"You what?" Peyton asked, her eyes widening.
Lindsey looked down at the floor. "I know. I'm horrible. But I just didn't…I wasn't serious about the relationship, okay? I was sixteen. I was so young. I didn't understand what love really was. I just wanted to have fun," she whimpered.
"Are you trying to tell us that you never saw Nathan as more than casual sex? You led him on for that long?" Brooke inquired, incredulous.
"No, no! I want to make it really clear to both of you that I considered Nathan my boyfriend. But I used the term really loosely. I didn't think about all the commitment it was, and I really never considered us 'serious'," Lindsey explained.
Brooke scoffed. "You were dating for three freaking years!" she exclaimed.
"I know," she replied sheepishly. "I know I screwed up, too. And it's not fair for me to ask him to take me back now that he's with that other girl. But honestly, what does she have that I don't? I just want him back so badly. But he wants someone else…"
Peyton suddenly became very defensive. "What 'That Girl' has that you don't is the unconditional love for him. She loves him with all her heart and never, ever takes him for granted. She appreciates him and loves him as much as he deserves it. She knows that she could lose him at any given moment and she cherishes the time she has with him. And something she also has that you don't is his heart and his love. You don't deserve him, Lindsey. You never cared enough to realize how much he loved you. You broke his heart, and you didn't even care. You still don't care. All you really want is for him to take you back because you've finally realized that he would treat you better than anyone else because he is amazing. He's selfless and he's a great friend and a great boyfriend. But you're never going to know because when you had the chance, you didn't take it. Now your chance is over, and it's Haley's turn. If things don't work out for them and you can actually prove that you'd love him and cherish him as much as he did you, then maybe you could try and make things work."
Brooke, moved by Peyton's words, finally spoke. "But that's never going to happen because Haley loves him as much as he deserves to be loved. They're perfect together, and they're not going to let you get in between their endless love," she added.
Peyton nodded in agreement.
Lindsey sighed. "There's something else that I wanted to tell you," she began, kind of switching the subject.
"What is it?" Peyton inquired curtly.
"Did you get knocked up or something?" Brooke asked, only half-joking.
Lindsey shook her head, looking down at her thumbs nervously.
"I never told anyone the real reason why I left. It wasn't just because I thought I didn't really love him."
Peyton rolled her eyes impatiently, while Brooke seemed a little more willing to hear.
"I found a Tiffany box in his clothes. There was a ring inside."
"Nathan, where do you keep the mixing bowl?" Haley inquired as she searched throughout the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen.
Nathan came out, not wearing a shirt. Haley, in her frantic state, didn't notice. She continued to look.
"What are you looking for?"
"A mixing bowl. And don't you even dare think of seducing me until we're done with the cake. I promised Peyton I'd help, and it's the least I can do for my little bumblebee," Haley warned.
"Seduce you? When have I ever done that?" he asked innocently.
She laughed. "When have you not done that? There was that night at the hotel, the morning after at the hotel, that afternoon in that hotel—"
"Hey, I was trying to give you a very romantic day, Hales. Can you blame me? You're gorgeous," he replied, touching her arm.
"Yeah, that was fun. Anyway, then there was the next week after I got home from work, the night I moved in, the day after you came back from New York—"
"I wouldn't consider that being seduction," he argued.
"You seduced me," she retorted.
He stood, mouth agape. "What about those times you seduced me?"
"Like when?" she inquired with a laugh.
"Every other time."
She looked over her shoulder at him, finally taking in the view. Her eyes remained on his torso. She tried parting her eyes, but they didn't seem to cooperate with her brain. She closed her eyes instead.
"God, Nathan, you're doing it again. Could you please put on a freaking shirt and help me you're too sexy," she asked.
"Jeez. Fine, Hales," Nathan mumbled, leaving the room.
She bit her lip, finally pulling out a glass mixing bowl. Nathan came out a minute later (fully clothed).
"I'm sorry, Nathan. I just want this to be as perfect as possible. Anna is my only niece, and I love her so much. I mean, after everything that happened…I'm so thankful to have her and—"
"Shh, Haley. I know," he said, holding her, kissing her on the head. She took a deep breath.
"So, what kind of cake are you making?" he inquired with a smile.
Haley relaxed, smiling at him.
"Nathan, no! You have to level off the measuring cup or it's not right!" Haley scolded, taking the cup from him.
"You just put that unleveled cup of sugar in the mix," he retorted.
She rolled her eyes. "You can never have enough sugar, and there's already a lot of chocolate in this recipe for the icing. If we don't get it right, then—"
She stopped abruptly. She looked down at the apron she was wearing, spotting white powder on the side. She looked over at Nathan, who was silent, leaning against the counter, seemingly proud of himself.
"Oops," he said mockingly.
She shook her head. She took the cup of cocoa in her hand and poured it over his head. She smiled, putting the measuring cup down.
"Oops," she replied, mirroring his mocking nature.
When this failed to get a rise out of him, Haley picked up one of the eggs, weighing it in her hand. Nathan looked at her curiously. She smirked. Then, she cracked it on the counter, and then over his head. He watched the egg drip onto his face and eventually off of his head.
"Honey, are you egg-cited, or are you just happy to see me?" she asked with a smirk.
"That's it," he answered. "Baby, come here and give me a kiss," he prompted.
She shook her head. "No way. Get away from me!" she answered with a laugh before she took more of the flour and threw it at him.
"But I just love you so much! Come back here!" he called as he continued to chase her around the counter.
Finally, he chased her so she was behind the sink. She grabbed the hose, pointing it towards Nathan.
"Haley!"
"Don't come any closer!" she warned.
"We can talk about this—"
Haley turned on the water, warning him that she was ready to spray him. "Don't move," she warned.
"Hales—"
Before he could finish what he wanted to say, Haley sprayed him with water. He became drenched within a few seconds.
Haley bit her lip, concealing a laugh as she looked at him. She was sure she also looked horrific after the whole food fight. She was sure she didn't look anything like he did, though.
"Nathan…" she began. But she stopped herself. She couldn't conceal her laughter.
"I'm going to go take a shower because I desperately need it. You can finish…this," he said before turning and leaving.
As she watched him leave, she burst into more laughter. In the midst of it, the timer went off. She quickly went to the oven to get the cake, taking it out and placing it on the cooling rack.
Suddenly, she felt very bored. She decided to go into their room. She heard the water running in the bathroom.
She caught a look of herself in the mirror.
Inside the shower, Nathan heard (and saw) the door creak open slightly. He was startled to see Haley there.
"Hey, Nathan?" she asked, her voice echoing throughout the bathroom. "I think I have to join you."
Haley walked up to the shower door, and Nathan finally got a good look at her.
"I think you're right."
"Haley! I know you have a hint of OCD, but I swear, the cake is fine," Nathan promised Haley as she continued to mess with the icing on the cake.
"Really, Haley, you need to calm down," Lucas prompted from behind.
Haley sighed, stepping away from the cake. "Are you two going to promise not to ruin it?" she asked.
They both nodded in unison. "Yes."
She sighed once more before she placed it gingerly into a box. She closed it gently, careful not to ruin any of the icing.
"It came out really well, Hales," Lucas insisted.
"Thank you, Luke. I worked really hard on it. I hope Anna likes it," she replied.
Nathan laughed. "Hales, Anna is turning one today. I'm pretty sure that if it's cake, she'll like it," he informed her.
Haley nudged Nathan. "Hey. You could at least pretend to make me feel better about slaving over it all last night."
Before Nathan could respond, Lucas nudged him. "Hey, we should bring this over and you can help me with all of the stuff for Anna's birthday party. Come on," Lucas said before this could escalate into a food fight like last night.
"You can tell Peyton I'll be over soon. I just have to get some things cleaned up and I still have to write out her card," Haley told Lucas.
"Sure, Hales!" he called as he and Nathan left the room.
An hour later, Haley looked at herself in the mirror as she put in her diamond studs. She loved them so much.
She took a deep breath as she looked at herself. Her thoughts wandered as she thought of mirrors, how they looked into different dimensions, and parallels they manifested in her life.
Her reverie was broken when there was a knock at the door.
She opened it up and was shocked as she saw Clay standing before her. She furrowed her eyebrows, confusion showing itself all across her face.
"Clay? What are you doing here?" she asked, truly muddled.
"I wanted to talk to you, Haley," he said.
Haley reluctantly allowed him in the apartment. She watched him uncomfortably.
"Clay, I don't want to play games. I already told you everything about Jamie. What do you want?" she asked, calmly, but clearly lacking much patience.
He sighed. "I just keep thinking so much about our son. And it just keeps me thinking of what could've been for the two of us," he said slowly.
She raised an eyebrow. "What are you saying?" she inquired anxiously.
"I keep thinking about our son and…it makes me want a child."
Haley continued to look at him with looks of confusion.
"Haley…I want to have a child together."
It took her a moment to process that statement. Finally, when it went through her mind, she stared at him, wide-eyed.
"What?"
He sighed again. "Thinking about him all the time makes me want a child. And you're the only person I really ever considered having a child with, ever," he said.
She shook her head, flustered. "So let me get this straight. You're telling me that you'd like me to dump Nathan so I can have a child with you, who cheated on me all throughout our engagement," she recapped. "No way! Are you out of your freaking mind?"
"I'm not asking you to break up with him, or for us to be together. I just want to have a child with you," he said.
Haley shook her head incessantly. "I think you must be on something, Clay. There's no way in hell that I'm going to have a baby with you," she said before she led him out the door and closed it behind him.
Brooke held Anna in her arms. "Happy birthday, beautiful girl! It's your birthday today," she said, before kissing the little girl on the cheek. Anna's cheek turned a little pink, both from her blushing and a stain from Brooke's lipstick.
"Brooke, you look good with a kid. Are you and Lucas getting any ideas?" Peyton asked.
Brooke scoffed. "Dream on, P. Sawyer," she retorted.
"Where is Haley?" Peyton inquired.
"I don't know. Lucas said she said she'd be here soon; she just needed to get some stuff done. Why? You seem on edge," Rachel noted suspiciously.
Peyton sighed. "Brooke and I need to tell you, Rachel. We found Lindsey the other day in the coffee shop and we confronted her," she began.
"You guys are so great! Did you tell her to back off?" Rachel interrupted.
"We told her to give up on Nathan, but that Bee-In-The-Curious-Hive didn't want to listen. She kept moaning and complaining about how she's so in love with Nathan or some BS like that," Brooke explained, lacking the patience to talk about Lindsey any longer.
Rachel raised an eyebrow. "I'm somehow guessing that you two weren't as calm as you are talking to me right now," she commented.
"Hey! I was not the one who got angry. It was Peyton, for once," Brooke said before cuddling up to Anna.
Needless to say, Rachel was surprised that the supposed peacemaker was the one to get mad. "Really? Peyton, what did you say?"
"Nothing bad, I promise. I just told her to leave them alone, because nothing will ever transpire between her and Nathan, anyway," Peyton explained.
Rachel nodded mockingly, not really believing that. Peyton was about to speak in her defence when the apartment door opened and Haley walked in. Brooke immediately noticed something was wrong with her, and quickly passed Anna off to Peyton.
"Hales? What's wrong?" Brooke asked with concern, being the first to greet her.
Haley sighed. "Nothing's wrong." She tried her best to come up with a good lie. "My car just had some problems, but it's not a big deal," she lied simply.
"How did you get here?" Peyton asked as Anna reached out to touch Haley.
Haley smiled and held Anna's hand. She finally turned to Peyton. "My car eventually started, but I think I have to bring it in to get checked out," she explained. She kissed Anna on the forehead. "Happy birthday!" she cooed sweetly.
"Do you want to hold Anna for a minute?" Peyton asked.
Before she actually got a chance to answer, Anna was handed to her. Anna immediately began playing with Haley's hair. She began mumbling something into Haley's neck. She loved Haley so much.
"So what did I miss?" Haley asked.
Brooke and Rachel stood tight-lipped as Peyton left to go get something for Haley. Finally, Rachel spoke. "Not much. We were just talking about you."
"What about me?"
"You and Nathan, mostly," Brooke said.
It wasn't a total lie since they were talking about them. But they were also talking about a certain blonde who was looking to re-enter Nathan's life…
"What about us?" Haley inquired curiously, nervously, almost.
"Not much. Just about how you guys have been getting closer lately. Is there something you're hiding from us, Hales?" Brooke asked suggestively.
"No! Of course not! Things are exactly the same!" Haley exclaimed. That was a lie, too. Things were better…but they were worse, too. It was an odd feeling Haley couldn't explain. She had no doubt that Nathan loved her, but she felt them growing apart.
Brooke nodded. "Just checking. But you will let us know when something happens, right?" she asked.
"Brooke! Leave Haley alone. She'll indulge what she wants about her relationship. But Haley, I wanted to give this to you," Peyton said as she walked back over to the girls. She handed Haley a black box. Haley took it with her free hand.
"What is this?" Haley asked.
"Don't open it right this minute. It's a present from me. You'll understand when you see it."
Hesitantly, Haley accepted this. She handed Anna back over to Peyton and looked at the box awkwardly.
Haley and Peyton watched as Jake and Nathan played with Anna. Rachel, Brooke, and Lucas had left a while ago.
"You can open that box now if you want to," Peyton informed Haley.
Reluctantly, Haley looked through her bag and found the box. She opened the box and saw a silver locket.
She looked at Peyton, hoping for an explanation. Peyton simply responded, "Open it."
Haley listened and opened the locket. She saw pictures of her and Jamie in the hospital after he was born and another of the two of them, a month or two after he was born. Haley felt a little dizzy after seeing it.
"I know you're trying really hard to pretend nothing ever happened. It's not healthy, Hales. Jamie's here, and you love him. I know you're scared that if you open up to Nathan about him, it might upset him, but…what'll make him more upset is to see you in so much pain. Bottling it all up is worse for you. When you wear it, he'll be close to your heart," Peyton explained.
Haley bit her tongue, not sure how to respond. Peyton accepted that this necklace would make her feel uneasy, but did it anyway as some form of shock treatment for Haley.
"Nathan? Can we go now?" Haley asked as she stood up. Peyton let out a small sigh.
"Are you okay, Hales?" Nathan asked once they arrived home.
She nodded, not really offering much explanation for their sudden leave.
"Can you please get me some tea?" Haley asked weakly.
This automatically made him suspect something was up. Haley never requested tea unless she was feeling really awful, either physically or emotionally. "Sure," he replied.
Haley nodded, her back still to him before she went into their room. Haley walked into their closet and went to the very bottom of her underwear drawer, a place she knew Nathan would never look. She pulled out the familiar box with Jamies's things. She pulled the locket out of her bag and finally allowed herself to cry.
Nathan was just pouring the tea as he heard muffled sobs coming from their bedroom. He abandoned the tea on the counter and walked cautiously into the bedroom.
Haley, meanwhile, was still in the closet, crying profusely. She sniffled one last time, tears still rolling down her face freely before she put the box into the larger box with the other collection of Jamie's life so far.
Outside, the closet door, which was left ajar, allowed Nathan to see it all. His heart slowly broke as he watched Haley attempt to pick up the pieces of her heart again and store them neatly away.
She knew she shouldn't have been looking at his phone, or even be tempted by it.
But that curious pit in her stomach egged her on, telling her to look.
As his phone vibrated for the umpteenth time in the last ten minutes, she finally picked it up. She found a slew of text messages, all from Rachel.
Hey, Nathan, I've been thinking a lot about your whole dilemma. We need to talk.
Nathan! You need to text me back! You can't just ignore what Lindsey told you the other day!
Nathan, if you don't tell Haley about what happened, I guarantee someone else is going to tell her and she'll be really upset.
If you don't tell Hales, you're going to hurt her! She'll find out eventually.
Nathan, freaking text me back! You can't ignore me!
Fine, I see that you're just not going to answer, but you need to tell Haley about Lindsey dropping the l-word on you. It's a big deal, especially since the only person who should be dropping the l-word on you is Haley!
You're going to hurt Haley! Don't be stupid about this, Nathan!
Haley tried to process what these urgent texts all meant. The l-word? Lindsey said she loved Nathan?
Haley's blood became cold. Why would she say that? When did she even get the chance to say that? Nathan ripped up her phone number. When did they meet up?
Above all her other thoughts, one poignant, fearful thought racked Haley with nervousness throughout her whole body.
Did he say it back?
Nathan walked in and found Haley sitting at the island in their kitchen. She had a glass of red wine to the side, but she was absentmindedly staring at his cellphone, which he had left there by accident. He could tell something was really wrong.
Haley didn't move or even flinch when he walked in. Nathan was almost scared to say something to her.
"You left your phone here this morning," she said, her normally soothing voice harshly cutting through the silence. She was stoic as she took a drink of wine. "Rachel kept texting you throughout the day. It was almost obsessive," she added calmly.
He didn't even question her picking up his phone. "What did she want?" he asked, a lump rising in his throat due to his nervousness.
"She wanted to talk to you about Lindsey."
He felt his heart race. He really hoped she didn't find out about—
"Why didn't you ever tell me about Lindsey?"
Damn it.
"I…I don't know," he choked out. Haley let out a small sigh before she looked at an imaginary chip in her nail polish. Nathan dropped his things and sat down next to her. "Haley, she doesn't matter anymore."
Haley let out a sardonic laugh. "Nathan…don't tell me that. I know you want that to be true, but you don't have to pretend. She was your first love, and you never forget your first love. I know she'll always have a piece of your heart," she replied. He wasn't quite sure whether she was sad about this or accepting…or both.
"She doesn't have to have my heart. I want you to have all of it," he replied sheepishly.
"I'm not mad at you about it. I'm just disappointed that you felt you couldn't tell me."
Clearly, it was bothering her more than she was letting on.
He took her hand. He felt her get a little uncomfortable at that, and it honestly hurt him. "Haley, nothing really transpired at that meeting—"
"Nathan, she told you she loved you," she answered sadly.
He thought about that for a minute.
"I only told you that a month or two ago," she said.
Before Nathan could process what was happening, Haley had already gotten her coat and her bag. "Where are you going?" he asked.
"I'm going out. Clearly, we both need time to think," Haley explained.
"Are you coming back?" he inquired nervously.
Haley saw that he was scared. After a moment of staring, she nodded. "I just need time to think. And I think you do, too."
With that, she was out the door.
Haley walked into the bar, shaking water droplets off her body. She was hoping to find a certain hazel-eyed brunette.
To her discontent, she had already clocked out. She was really hoping she could interrogate Rachel on what Nathan had told her.
She decided that it was probably for the best that Nathan wasn't there; maybe ignorance was bliss. But still, she wanted so badly to know every single gory detail. She hated to admit it, but she was jealous.
Of what, she wasn't sure exactly. She knew Nathan loved her, but…Lindsey had some kind of quality that was just kind of mystifying about her. She was just charismatic in a subtle way.
Why was she saying this about someone who would want nothing more than to steal her boyfriend for her own? Haley suddenly felt ridiculous for thinking of Lindsey in this light.
Deciding not to waste the trip to a bar, Haley flagged down the bartender and ordered a cocktail, which she drank quickly before getting something stronger.
She finally noticed a blue-eyed blonde sitting on the other end of the bar, about four or five stools away. It was pretty empty, being relatively early in the night. She finally realized this girl was the devil she was just speaking of.
"Haley?" Lindsey asked with eager surprise in her voice. "I didn't expect to see you here!" she exclaimed.
Haley forced a fake smile. "Neither did I," she said rather glumly with mustered enthusiasm. She quickly threw back a shot, the liquor burning down her throat. She ordered two more.
"Are you looking for Rachel?" Lindsey asked knowingly.
Haley looked over her shoulder at Lindsey cautiously. "How did you know?"
Lindsey shrugged. "Sometimes I used to go to her for advice on things involving Nathan," she said nonchalantly.
Haley turned to look at Lindsey. "What makes you think I'm here because of Nathan?"
"Why would you come here to talk to her? I just remember that when I was having issues with him, I'd always go to either Rachel for advice, since the blonde didn't like me much," she explained.
Haley rolled her eyes. "You don't know anything. I just wanted to see Rachel."
The two shots quickly arrived, and she downed them just as quickly as the first.
"You must be in a lot of trouble," Lindsey commented.
"Please just leave me alone," Haley said bitterly.
"I'm just trying to help you, girl-to-girl. You drank those pretty easily. You and Nathan must be having serious problems. What is it about?"
"You!" Haley snapped in the heat of the moment. "I know about you saying that you loved him."
Lindsey didn't really have an explanation for this. She flagged down the bartender and ordered shots for both of them.
Nathan bit his lip as he waited for Rachel's reaction.
"What do you want me to say, Nathan?" Rachel asked finally.
"Something comforting?" he pleaded. "Anything?" he added, finally.
Rachel sighed. "I'm not going to tell you that you didn't screw up; you did. But not for going to meet with Lindsey. That was a mature, adult thing to do. What you screwed up on was not telling Haley the moment it happened. If you had been honest from the start, none of this would've happened," Rachel said.
He nodded. "I know. I messed up; this is all my fault. But I don't want this to ruin our whole relationship. What should I do to prove to her that I made a mistake, and I love her?"
"Well, she's probably feeling jealous right now, Nathan. Another woman told you she loves you. It's not some casual crush or anything; she actually loves you."
Nathan sighed sadly. "Thanks, Rach. You didn't need to rub that in."
"You wanted my honest opinion! Haley is going to be jealous, which means you really need to articulate how much you love her and care about her. You need to tell her how much you appreciate her presence in your life and how much you need her. Girls want to hear those things. She won't leave you. But if you want things to be the same as they were, you need to talk to her about this, because that's what mature adults do. You can't just push it under the rug."
Nathan sighed but nodded acceptingly. He contemplated some grand gesture of love, so Haley would know just how much he cared about her.
Finally, logic caught up to Rachel, and she was reminded of another dilemma.
"What are you going to say to Lindsey?"
Nathan sighed just thinking about Lindsey. He didn't hate her, per se, but there was bitterness left in him for the way things ended between the two of them. She didn't even have the decency to tell him in person; she left a letter, like a coward, after she had taken all her things with her. He didn't really have any hopes to talk to her again.
"What do I have to say to her?" he asked pessimistically.
Rachel scoffed. "Nathan, you have to talk to her. If you don't, she'll continue to have festering feelings for you. What happens when those feelings turn into something more and she decides she wants to try her hand at playing the homewrecker?" she asked.
"I'm not going to let that happen," he insisted.
Rachel smiled at her friend's naïveté. "Beyond the breath, there is no control. You can't say it'll never happen, because what if it does?" she inquired cleverly.
"I don't want anything to happen between me and Lindsey, though!" he exclaimed. "What do you think I should say to her?"
"If you want my honest opinion," she began, dragging out the words for eternity to torture him, "I think that you need to let her down gently. You don't want to turn her into that jilted lover who will try to kill one of you or both of you because she didn't get her man. Let her down easily. But you still need to make it very clear that you have no aspirations to have any connection to her, whatsoever."
"Do I need to do anything else, Doctor Rachel?" he asked playfully.
"Buy Haley flowers, because she deserves them, and if you're looking to apologize, that will certainly soften her up a bit, though you make her soften up a lot already," Rachel teased.
Nathan nodded with a smile. He was suddenly feeling a lot better about this whole thing.
Maybe things with Haley would work out, and there would be no need to repair his heart once more.
At least, he hoped so.
Haley looked around at the many, many blurry shapes all around her.
"Wait, so…you were his first?" Haley slurred. Even through the slur, she was a little saddened. Then again, he wasn't her first.
Lindsey nodded. "He was so sweet about it all. I really hate that I never realized how sweet he really was while we were dating. I was too busy trying to have it all. I never appreciated what was right in front of me," Lindsey answered in perfect English.
Haley let out a small, sad smile. "Sometimes, I feel that way, too. I feel like a bad girlfriend. I mean, he always tells me about how much he loves me…he buys me flowers…he paints me pictures…I feel like I'm his everything and he's just an adjunct in my life," she slurred.
Lindsey tutted in disapproval. "You know, I felt the exact same way. Maybe it's not us. Maybe it's him. Maybe it's all a show, Haley. I mean, do you think that he really thinks of us that much? Maybe he's just the kind of person who wants their girlfriend in the palm of their hand," she suggested.
Even though she was very drunk, Haley shook her head, denying it immediately. "No, he's not the type. He loves me."
"And I thought he loved me, too. He was ready to propose to me!" she slipped.
Haley looked at her strangely, almost sadly, though her mind was so clouded up. "Wait…when did you guys break up?"
"A year ago?"
Haley shrugged. "He's moved on," she said.
Lindsey sighed, unsatisfied. "Still. I think he might be acting like a saint. He was always too good to be true," Lindsey explained over the music in the bar.
Haley thought about it for a minute, very sad about the whole idea.
Nathan sat and stared at the Star of Bethlehems in a vase on the table.
He had hope. He had hope that Haley would come home soon and they would quickly make up. He had hope that they would move on from this. He had hope that she would realize he never loved anyone more. He had hope that she loved him enough to abandon the past.
He sighed, listening to the clock tick loudly on the wall. It was agitating him with each second.
He began playing with his hands and throwing occasional glances at the clock.
After he had been waiting for at least an hour and it was well past midnight, he began to hear jingling on the doorknob from outside. About five seconds later, a very drunk Haley fell into the apartment, grabbing the doorknob for support. She slid onto the ground, falling back on the door. She groaned slightly.
"Haley?" he asked cautiously.
Haley groaned, taking her shoes off tiredly and sloppily. She threw them near the coat closet, proceeding to crawl to their bedroom while mumbling something.
Nathan followed her into their bedroom, attempting to help her proceed the simplest of tasks, but she quickly shooed him away.
"I can do bad all by myself," she mumbled, her eyes drooping closed.
He watched her with concern as she stumbled around the room, finally falling back onto the bed.
"Hey, I need to tell you something," she said clearly as he attempted to pick up some of her clothes.
"What is it, Hales?" he asked.
There was a moment of silence as it sounded like Haley was thinking.
"I need to talk to Nathan."
Nathan held Haley for a few minutes after he woke up.
He had just been watching her sleep very peacefully, undisturbed. He was troubled with what he saw last night.
He wondered if Haley possibly had an issue with alcohol. He never wanted to accuse her of being alcoholic, but he was worried about her. He knew she had issues with alcohol after her dad died, and lately, it had been showing up again.
He was most concerned with whether or not she was happy. Lately, she seemed sort of happy, but it seemed very…forced. He never wanted her to feel like she was stuck in this relationship. Even if it killed him, he would let her go if that was what she really wanted.
The thought pained him so much. He just held her closer, as if he wanted her to realize in her sleep how much he never wanted to let her go.
"Nathan?" a pained Haley called out.
Nathan opened his eyes, breaking out of his daydream. He almost unwrapped his arms from around her, but she grabbed onto him tighter. It allowed Nathan to breathe out a small sigh of relief.
"Haley?" he asked.
"Did we go out last night?" Haley inquired, clearly hungover.
"No, but you did. And you said you needed to talk to me last night, but we don't need to know, Haley. I think you should just rest," Nathan insisted before he got up to draw the curtains closed. Knowing from firsthand experience how much the light hurt when hungover, he kept the room as dark as possible.
Haley smiled, thinking of how sweet he was. "Can you come back and hold me?" she asked after he closed the curtain.
He nodded, quickly jumping back into their bed and holding her. She let out a comfortable sigh.
Still, he was worried that there was something seriously wrong.
A few hours later, when Haley had become sober enough to recall what happened the previous night, she finally stepped out into the main apartment. Of course, the first things to catch her eye were the Star of Bethlehem flowers sitting on the kitchen island.
"These are so gorgeous!" she exclaimed as she got a better view.
He smiled, glad that she liked them. She picked them up immediately to smell them. She then placed them perfectly on the dining room table.
"They're so perfect," she commented absentmindedly. "Why did you get them?" she asked curiously.
"Well, I wanted them as a peace offering. I really wanted to talk to you."
Haley sat down at the table, waiting for him to say more. He sighed as he sat down kitty-corner from her.
"I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you about Lindsey. I wanted to, but…I don't know, Hales. I don't want this to affect our relationship, because I love you so much. But I'm worried about you. You seemed really upset about something yesterday. And I caught you the other day," Nathan said vaguely.
Haley let out a nervous laugh. "What? Caught me?"
"I caught you crying in the closet. What's wrong? Is everything okay?" he asked, taking her hand.
Haley wriggled free. "Yes, I'm fine. Nathan, nothing was going on the other day," she retorted somewhat harshly.
Nathan watched her, confused as he watched her walk back into their bedroom, closing the door softly. It wasn't a door slam, but he kind of wished it was, just so he would be clear on where she stood—right now, things were just unclear for the both of them.
Haley contemplated going out, uncharacteristically wanting to avoid Nathan on his day off. But suddenly, the sun hid away and dark storm clouds festered over Tree Hill. Those plans had gone out the window.
Haley sighed as she walked out of the bedroom, pulling her sweater closer to her small frame. Nathan looked up from the crossword, hoping Haley would finally be willing to talk.
Haley went into the fridge to get a water bottle. She observed Nathan wearily, not saying anything to him. She kept thinking about what Lindsey had said…that Nathan was acting.
"Do you really love me?"
Nathan looked at her, very confused. "Of course, I do. Why would you even ask that?" he answered easily.
She stared at him for a moment longer. Certainly, her question had caught him off-guard and rattled his nerves, but she couldn't tell much more. She shrugged. "I don't know."
"Are you having doubts about this relationship?" he asked with concern.
She shrugged again. "I don't know," she repeated.
"This is kind of sudden. You were perfectly fine last week," he commented.
Though he realized that with the mood she was in, this comment would likely be met with a bitter comeback, Haley acted indifferently. "I'm just starting to wonder about my life, I guess. I'm starting to wonder what I want to do for the rest of my life, and I don't want to play games," she insisted.
He frowned. "Do you think I'm playing games with you?" he inquired sadly.
She sighed. "Given my track record, it just makes me really nervous. I don't want to relive my past relationships. They were self-harming," she explained.
"I'm not playing games with you, Hales. I promise you that that isn't what this is. I love you so much and I would never want to hurt you."
Though she tried very hard to ignore what Lindsey had said the other day, she couldn't help but think of it in the very back of her mind. It agitated her.
Finally, she nodded, accepting this explanation. She began to walk back towards the room. She stopped outside the door, glancing back over at Nathan, who looked at her sadly. She turned back and kissed him softly on the lips.
"Nathan, I believe you," whispered against his lips.
She could feel a smile spread across his lips. That made her smile, as she realized it was right.
"I love you, too," she answered softly.
And she finally believed it.
Ugh, he knew he shouldn't have been looking.
But there was curiosity lingering in his mind. Yes, he felt guilty about looking where he shouldn't, but it didn't keep the inquisitiveness from flourishing.
He looked back at the door of the closet, hoping that he would hear Haley come back and that he would have a viable excuse for not following through with his interest.
He knew it was wrong.
Still, he braced himself and looked for the box which Haley had been shedding tears over just a day ago. He finally found it among her undergarments, buried under a bunch of knee-high and thigh-high socks.
He bit his lip as he pulled it out and put it on the floor in front of him. He became nervous just looking at it. He wondered just how much pain this could've possibly caused the love of his life.
Finally, he just decided to open the box. He saw all of the pictures and mementos of her son, or who he assumed her son to be. He never actually saw her son, or even saw her very pregnant, but he could just imagine. Looking at her son, he could see his features easily in his face. He had a smile much like his mother's.
He just thought that he couldn't even begin to imagine all the pain and happiness Haley had to endure while looking at this box filled with bittersweet memories.
Outside, he heard the door open to the apartment, and he heard Haley enter with a sigh. Quickly, he scrambled to put the box back properly, as if he was never even there.
A minute later, as Nathan had finally gotten up and was about to leave the closet, Haley appeared in the doorway.
"I got takeout. We can watch a movie," she suggested.
He nodded with a slight smile. "Sounds great. I'll be right out.
She smiled and left the room.
He looked over his shoulder at the drawer, thinking about the box once more.
Before I get reamed by anyone, I want everyone to understand that Haley and Nathan are in a very odd position with their relationship right now, so if you were hoping Nathan would seriously confront Haley on what he saw, I'm sorry, but I feel like he would be a bit reluctant to ask her. And I think first, he has to know WHAT exactly she was crying about! I promise, there will be some sort of confrontation on this sometime in the future :) Let me know your thoughts on this chapter. Thank you all for your reviews and constructive criticism, I have taken all those into account and I am definitely working those improvements into this story and others! This is my first story, so I am prone to making mistakes, but I am learning so I do appreciate any sort of feedback, as it helps me as a writer!
With that being said, onto the reviews!
thibbs65: Thank you! Nathan and Haley missing each other is really cute. Clay and Lindsey, huh? I think they'd make a good couple as well because they can relate to each other on a different level. I think if they were potentially to fall in love I wouldn't think it would necessarily cause Naley any drama, but it would be awkward and tense for sure. Interesting theory, however, I will debunk it and say Nathan and Rachel do not sleep together after the Naley breaking up. The status of their relationship and how it began will be explained later for sure. I promise it will make sense. Rachel's relationship with the girls and Nathan are very sweet, so for Rachel do that would be a real shocker that's for sure. I do agree cheating is the worst thing you can do to someone, and you truly don't love someone if the thought of cheating had crossed your mind. If you truly loved the person you were with, the thought of hurting them would break you as a person, because the last thing you want to do is cause the person you're in love with any pain. Congratulations on 30 years of marriage! That's wonderful. Here's to many more!
dianehermans: I mean who does? Just kidding, Clay is not that bad I promise. He does come around to the idea of Naley, as well as, Haley as an individual.
Guest: Jamie is part of this story, however, as I mentioned before he will not be appearing in the past sequence chapters as I want to build on the relationships of Nathan and Haley, Brooke and Lucas, and Jake and Peyton. Those relationships are important, and especially for Naley as Nathan has never met Jamie. This could be a part of the demise of their relationship. I will say, however, he featured more in the present chapters. As of right now, he is with Haley's parents and they watching him for now as she finishes school and focuses on her relationship with Nathan. Plus, Nathan has no idea what Jamie looks like or anything, as he not seen pictures. He only knows of him by Haley mentioning him. They have met in chapter four I believe, but their relationship and the relationship between Jamie and Haley will also be built later on as he is a pivotal point in their relationship. However, he will not be seen in these past chapters as he does not fit into this part of the story. Haley crying over Jamie is her guilt for leaving him with her parents, and because she misses him. Thank you for liking this story! but may I ask what about the chronological aspects of this story don't work? I would love to know so I can improve on that for this story going forward as well as my future stories.
Guest: Nathan will inevitably screw up for sure, as he's human, but it won't be anything big.
Thanks for reading! Until next time! ~Sidney