A/N: What's better than A/P sex? Angsty A/P sex (well, according to me anyway). Poor insecure Padme. Honestly though, these two are so perfect together it actually makes my heart break.

I'm going on a beach holiday tomorrow (because I'M FINISHED UNIVERSITY FOR THE YEAR! WAHOO!) so yeah, I won't be updating for a while. I'm hoping that these four chapters are enough to sate everyone until I get back.

Song inspiration: 'Fire Meet Gasoline' by Sia. It's just so perfect. Not necessarily for this chapter, just for them in general.

Enjoy xx

"What are you doing for Christmas?" Padme was lying on her stomach on Anakin's bed, hands resting underneath her chin as he sat beside her, back resting against the bedhead. It was some time in the afternoon, Padme wasn't exactly sure of the time, but she was still hungover and felt like being lazy. Anakin had gotten what he wanted, of course. He had taken her out for breakfast and been pleasantly surprised at her ferocious appetite, when she ordered a breakfast burger with extra bacon, two hash-browns, toast and pancakes. And then, as he was prone to, he teased her about it, informing her that 'that's what happens when you empty the entire contents of your stomach', to which she had responded with a sharp kick to his shin.

Once she had sobered up with coffee and her hunger satisfied, they had rented a movie – even though Padme insisted it would be cheaper just to Netflix it, but Anakin had an urge to be old-fashioned – and now they were just lying around, too tired to do much else. He'd said he had work to do for class back on Monday, and Padme had every intention of knocking over some of her readings, but she'd fallen asleep before she'd finished one page.

Now awake, she amused herself by watching Anakin study. He was incredibly attractive as he sat there, workbook resting on his bent knees, tongue between his teeth, eyes narrowed in concentration as he scribbled down formulas, punching numbers into his calculator at an impressive rate.

"Going home," he replied, not looking up at her. "I always spend Christmas with mom and Obi-wan and Ahsoka…" he broke off, a frown marring his features, before cursing under his breath and erasing some sort of mistake. Intrigued, Padme propped herself up on her elbows and glanced down at his workbook. It was a bunch of numbers and letters and Greek letters and several other mathematical symbols that all made no sense to her.

"I don't know how you do that," she told him. "It's like another language."

He smirked. "I should add it to my CV. Can speak math." His voice went all monotonous and robotic and Padme rolled her eyes at him. "What languages do you speak then?" he demanded, frowning at her.

"Je peux parler français, mon amore," she purred, rolling her tongue and Anakin's eyes grew darker at the sound of it.

"Is that… French?" he asked, obviously aroused by the sound of it.

Padme grinned, nodding. "Yes. The language of love. I could teach you, if you want?"

He shook his head. "I don't think it will sound that sexy coming out of my mouth."

She laughed, pressing a kiss to the bared skin of his shoulder, lightly, but enough to cause him to flinch under the delicate touch. "I don't know," she hummed. "You definitely sounded sexy this morning in the shower."

He groaned, desperately trying to resist her advances. "And you call me a flirt," he muttered under his breath as she crawled closer to him, sliding her lips from shoulder to neck. She liked him like this, vulnerable, willing, exposed for her pleasure. She never had much of a chance to worship him the way he worshipped her, not because he didn't want her too, but because he simply to consumed with pleasuring her, making her tremble under his ministrations.

"You're rubbing off on me," she quipped.

"Padme," he growled, voice shaking with desire. "I'm trying to study."

Anakin met her pleading gaze firmly and she sighed, admiring his strength because she would have definitely crumbled. "Fine," she grumbled and he laughed, kissing her forehead sweetly before returning his concentration to his work.

Her sudden possessiveness surprised her. She didn't know where it came from, but it had started since they had reunited after a month apart. All of a sudden, she was crazy, emotional, jealous… something she'd never thought she'd become. The distance had made her so highly strung, so paranoid. It deeply concerned her. Padme was supposed to be the stable one. The one in control of her emotions. The reasonable, logical one. Now, that rationality that she held onto so tightly was slowly slipping away. She just couldn't bear to be without Anakin. It was like being without air.

The more she thought about it, the more bewildered she became. Padme had never thought she'd ever feel like this; wholly connected to one person so completely that it was almost her life force. And she definitely hadn't expected it to be Anakin. When they'd been reunited again five months ago, she hadn't expected to fall so hard for him. She wasn't looking for love and yet it found her, caught her completely by surprise and consumed her so wonderfully that she was unable to escape it. Being with Anakin was the most dangerous adventure of her life, and as much as it hurt to be apart, she never wanted it to end. She would rather die.

"What're you doing? For Christmas?" Anakin asked her after a while.

Padme paused. Most years she spent Christmas with her father. Just the two of them. It was never anything special, they would usually go out for pudding and exchanging gifts, but it had become a tradition each year. However, seeing her sister and her mother again had made her realise how much she missed them. She wanted to be in their lives again. They were her family, too. "I don't know," she replied. "I might spend it with mom and Sola this year."

"That sounds nice," Anakin said, then, as an afterthought, "we should join them."

"Join what?"

"Our Christmases," he explained, simply, as though she should have guessed the answer. "We should join them. My family and yours."

His suggestion caught her off guard. Joint Christmases? Anakin wanted to join his family and hers? The thought made her heart soar. Doing something like that, involving their families, was a massive leap forward in their relationship. It would no longer be simply the two of them. She blinked at him, her face blank and impassive as she absorbed the information.

Stricken that he'd said the wrong thing, Anakin quickly explained, all rushed and awkward and adorable, "or not. I mean, we don't – we don't have to. It was just… I mean. You're almost part of my family anyway – Ahsoka loves you, and so does Obi-wan and my mother and. Well. I've met your sister before and she seemed to like me and – "

"Ani."

He stopped his rambling mid-sentence, taking in her wide-eyed expression, the soft smile on her face as she stared up at him in awe. "W-what?" His head was tilted to the side, cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

He considered her part of his family. That was more than she had ever expected and it made her so, so incredibly happy. Padme realised that this was not simply a relationship to him. She was a solid constant in Anakin's life; an important figure, part of his family. That was all she wanted. All she had ever wanted.

"You," she replied, heavily emotional, regarding him fondly through glistening eyelashes. "You're so… sweet."

He smirked at her response, raising an eyebrow, though the affection dancing in his eyes told her he was just as affected by her sudden softness. "Sweet? I was sexy not ten minutes ago. Which is it?"

Humming a laugh in the back of her throat, Padme turned onto her side and shuffled next to him, her head finding its favourite resting place against his warm shoulder. Resting her hand gently on his firm belly, she pressed her body against his, cherishing the feeling of his taut muscles tensing under her touch. "Do you always have to ruin the moment?" not angry, simply amused, because he could never be sweet for more than a few minutes before his teasing returned.

Her eyes fell on his left hand, how it rested on his bent knee, curled into a relaxed fist as he worked. She glared at it, suddenly envious, because she wanted that arm around her waist, that hand running up and down her sides like it did when they were sleeping. But, instead of annoying him, she simply admired him. The long, elegant fingers, the way they twitched unconsciously every few seconds, unable to keep still, the thin, white scar across the top of his knuckles. Anakin had beautiful hands. They could be strong and gentle, they could work wonders with both machinery and her own body. The thought brought a smile to her face and she rubbed her cheek against his shoulder affectionately.

He glanced down, smiling at her attentions. "You wouldn't have me any other way."

There are several other ways I'd like to have you, right now. The thought crossed her mind wickedly and she wet her lips with her tongue. The action was not lost on Anakin. When her eyes met his she knew that he knew exactly what she wanted.

"You never answered my question," he reminded her, voice low and rough and delicious. She thrilled at the sound of it, as she did every time. His effect on her was unlike anything else.

"Both," she replied simply, leaning up to kiss his cheek. When her lips slid their way down to his ear and her tongue flicked out, tracing the shell, she heard his breath catch and his pencil dropped from his hand. Grinning triumphantly, she sucked his earlobe into her mouth. "You're sweet…" she paused to shove his book out of his hands and threw her leg over him, straddling his waist. "And you're sexy." His eyes flashed at her words, hands coming to rest on her hips, glancing up at her expectantly. "And I love every," she kissed his nose, "single," her ran up and down his chest, "part of you." Her lips found his then and she invaded his mouth with her tongue, her sudden forcefulness surprising him, but pleasing him all the same.

"Really?" he asked when they pulled away. "Every part?"

She nodded in response, eyes hooded and kissed along his chin and the length of his jaw. "Mmhmm," she breathed against his skin, extremely pleased with the little breathy gasps she was eliciting from him. "Would you like me to prove it to you?"

He laughed, a husky laugh, full of desire for her and she knew she had won. She lived for this, these moments, the little games they played together. "You're going to do it anyway," he admitted in defeat, though she knew he wasn't upset. Not at all. The way he was looking at her proved that much. "Don't let me stop you."

"Good." She kissed him again, sweeter, softer than before, because she had all the time in the world and wanted to savour every moment spent with Anakin. He relaxed into the kiss with ease, letting his hands roam up underneath her top to caress the skin of her back. Pulling back after a little while, Padme drank in the sight of him. God, he was a gift. A gift she certainly didn't deserve, but most definitely never wanted to give up. Those eyes of his, so intense and enticing and fathomless, his soft, kiss-swollen lips, the sharp contours of his jaw, his cheekbones, his nose, and that glorious, golden hair that framed his face.

"I love your hair," she said after a time, carding her fingers through it lovingly, feeling the soft locks slip through her fingers like silk.

Her sudden proclamation made him raise his eyebrows in surprise. "My hair?"

She nodded, twirling the locks around her fingers. "I love the feel of it," she told him, "I love how it looks like gold in the sun." Leaning closer, giving him a devilishly smirk, she whispered, "I love gripping it when you fuck me." The use of such vulgarity made his eyes darken. Padme never used such language, not even in the throes of passion. She was always proper and elegant. But she didn't want to be proper now. Perhaps it was because she felt guilty for acting so erratic, or perhaps it was just because Anakin was half-naked underneath her, but either way, she wanted to worship him.

Anakin swallowed, and she was mesmerised by the sudden bob of his Adams apple, before he cleared his throat and muttered, "well, keep going."

She grinned. He liked this. Anakin had an ego, one that he definitely wasn't shy in displaying, and Padme was in the mood to fuel it, to tell him just how much she appreciated him. All of him. Everything.

Leaning in close to him, she stuck out her tongue and traced along the curve of his full lips, keeping her eyes fixed on him. They were so expressive, she knew exactly what he was thinking without him even saying a word. "I love your mouth," she told him, seductively. His lips parted instinctively and she could feel his hot breath, moist on her skin. "I love the things you say. I love the things you do." She bit down on the plump flesh of his lower lip and the growl that escaped him made her insides squirm with arousal. The hands on her back were now gripping her hips, tight, needy, possessive.

Never had she felt more in control than right now. Anakin was completely at her mercy and there was no way she was letting this go. Padme was going to have her way with him and it was going to be as torturous and agonisingly slow as he often was with her. It was only fair, after all.

She continued her descent down his neck, sucking softly at the hollow of his throat and nipping his skin with her teeth, not painful, but enough to make him flinch. Her hands took his from her hips and she laced their fingers together, before pulling them up above his head, holding him there as he had done to her so many times. He let out a surprised sound and went to move, when she bit him, hard, and she flicked her eyes up to his, firm and determined. No. He understood her intent, nodding his head a little, and then fluttering his eyes closed as her lips captured his nipple and sucked on it harshly.

"W-what are you doing?" he asked her, voice breathy and hitched and so fucking sexy that she moaned against him.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she teased, circling his nipple with her tongue, enjoying seeing him so helpless under her and so obviously aroused – she could feel him pressed up against her stomach, straining against his shorts and she grinned wickedly.

He never answered her, because suddenly her tongue dipped into his navel and his hips thrust upwards unconsciously and he was biting his lip and Padme felt herself grow more and more aroused at the sight of him. She was doing this. She was making him this way. That thrilled her more than anything.

"I love these," she told him, running her nose along the trail of fine, blond hair that disappeared underneath the waistband of his shorts.

Anakin snorted. "Why the hell do you like those?" he asked, incredulous and she chuckled against him.

"Because," she explained, voice low and seductive. "They lead me to this." And then she hooked her fingers under his shorts and pulled them roughly down his legs, exposing him to her hungry gaze. He was almost completely erect, but not quite, standing tall and proud amongst a bed of dark blond curls. Curiously, for she was an incredibly curious person, Padme ran her fingers along the length of him, making him gasp and moan and undulate his hips into her touch.

She hadn't been this close to him before. Of course, she'd admired his naked form more times than she could count, but this was different. He was right there, inches away from her, and she took her time, admiring the slight curve of him, the purple mushroomed head, the glistening beads of arousal seeping out of the top. It was certainly an impressive sight, and she let him know how much she enjoyed it by wrapping her small hand around him and dragging it up slowly, from base to tip.

"Fuck, Padme," he cursed, eyes squeezed shut, and she felt bolts of pleasure shoot down to her own core at the sound of his raspy voice.

"Show me, Ani," she breathed, because as much as she wanted to be in control, she was not experienced with this at all, and wanted to bring Anakin the same amount of pleasure that he constantly brought her. "Show me how you like it."

With a nod, his trembling fingers found hers and caressed her fingertips gently, before moving her hand up towards his throbbing head. Very gently, he began to circle the tip and she watched, fascinated, before getting the idea and following suit. Her thumb caught the tiny, pearl droplet leaking out of him and she grew bold, digging into the slit making him hiss. She continued that movement, up and down, circling, digging, her hands rough and soft, and when he whispered – no begged – "harder," she obliged, working him faster in her hands.

It was unlike anything she had ever done before. He was hard, so wonderfully hard, yet his skin was smooth and hot underneath her fingers. His mouth was open, breathing caught, eyes fluttering madly under his closed lips.

Growing bolder still, she gripped his base firmly and pressed a kiss to his leaking tip. The action made his eyes snap open, hooded and misty and so completely aroused. Never taking her eyes off him, she swirled her tongue around his throbbing head, before wrapping her lips around him and sucking harshly. The moan that escaped him made her hum. He tasted salty, not unpleasantly so, but unique and new and Padme took it in her stride and slowly lowered her mouth over the length of him.

"Angel!" he cried, fighting to keep his hips from moving and she knew he was struggling to restrain himself, for her sake, because he knew she was new to this. That only made her love him more. Even now, when she had his cock in her mouth, he was solely focused on her, her pleasure, her comfort. Not for the first time, she realised that she was entirely undeserving of him.

It only served to make her more determined. Padme never shied away from a challenge. Relaxing her throat, she took him further, until her nose was pressed against his pubic bone and his tip nudged the back of her throat. Pride surged through her at the accomplishment. Hollowing out her cheeks, she slowly dragged back up, letting him slip out of her mouth until only the tip was between her lips. Then she did it again, and again, growing more confident each time, taking him fully each time, faster, harder, until he was rocking his hips up to meet her and her name spilled from his lips over and over and over and it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

The muscles in his stomach began to tighten suddenly and his hands found their way into her hand, gripping it tightly, his breath coming in short, sharp gasps. "Padme, I'm – I'm close. I'm – " he clenched his eyes shut, back arching off the bed. "I-if you don't… I'll… fuck," his voice quickly turned into strangled moan of pleasure, but Padme didn't care. She knew what was going to happen and she had decided, in the midst of it all, that she wasn't going to pull away.

"Padme!" He snapped his hips and suddenly, he spilled himself inside her and she took all he gave her, keeping her eyes fixed on his blissful face, swallowing his seed until he had emptied himself. When he was done, he opened his eyes, swimming with moisture, a slack grin on his face and watched with dark eyes as she gently let him fall from her mouth. Hands still in her hair, he mouthed come here, and she willingly crawled up his body and surrendered to his passionate kiss.

They pulled away, chests heaving, and he stroked her cheek gently. The way he was looking at her made her flush from her cheeks right down to her core. "You're incredible," he told her softly, and she beamed back at him, feeling completely and utterly adored. His fingers ghosted along her jaw and down her neck to curl back into her hair. "Not that I'm complaining, but… what was that?"

With a happy sigh, she rested her hands on his chest, relishing in the fast, heavy beating of his heart beneath her palm. "I love you," she replied, simply, as though that was the only explanation needed. "I – I wanted to show you that I love you. And…" her voice broke up, suddenly sheepish and she looked away, cheeks blazing with embarrassment. "And I wanted to… apologise."

"Apologise?" he cocked his head to the side, thumb caressing the skin of her neck, infinitely soft. "What for?"

Padme bit her lip. "I've been acting… I've be so crazy this weekend. I-I don't know what's wrong with me," her voice trembled with emotion. She felt awful. Anakin had been so good to her, he had put up with her tantrum and her drunken state and her raging hormones and she didn't deserve any of it. "You've been so patient with me, Anakin, and I – I don't deserve it."

At her words, his expression hardened in to one of fierce determination and he gripped her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. "Stop it, Padme. Don't say things like that." He stretched his neck to chase her lips, kissing her hard, and she trembled under the intensity of it.

"It hurts, Ani," she whispered when they broke away, as her vision became blurred. "It hurts to be away from you and I – " tears were falling freely from her eyes now, forming rivets down her cheeks but she continued. "I'm so scared. I'm so scared, Anakin. That you'll… that you'll get bored of me."

He turned concerned, eyes narrowed, and brushed away her tears. "Hey," he whispered tenderly. "What's brought this on?" His soft expression broke her and she fell forward against his chest, sobbing, tears falling against his hot skin. His arms came around her and ran up and down her spine, trying desperately to soothe her anguish. All her worries, all her insecurities had resurfaced and she needed to know, she needed to hear that she was all Anakin would ever want. "If I've done something to make you doubt me…"

She shook her head against him, clutching at his broad shoulders. "No, Ani, never. You're… you're so wonderful. You deserve someone who – who won't hold you b-back, someone younger… n-not – "

She never got to finish what she was saying – or more accurately, sobbing – because he gripped her hips tightly and flipped them over, crushing his mouth against hers and she could feel his passion, his anger, his intense love for her pouring out of him and she trembled under the heat of it. "Don't you ever say that again," he growled aggressively against her lips. "Don't you fucking dare." She whimpered, clinging to him desperately. "You deserve me, Padme. It's me who doesn't deserve you. You're so fucking perfect, and I'm so fucking in love with you and I can't…" he paused to attack her mouth again and Padme opened up to him freely, giving into him, "I can't live without you."

His confession made her sob, and she wrapped her legs and arms around him, crushing his body against hers because she needed to feel the heavy weight of him.

"I need. You. Need to be inside you – " he snarled and she nodded her head blindly, eyes tracing every contour of his face as he reached into the drawer beside him, hastily rolling on a condom. He pulled her pants down, slid her underwear to the side and she cried, "please," before he surged inside her.

It was rough and it was aggressive and it was full of desperation, and yet Padme had never wanted anything more than this. It was over quickly, but they found their release together, within seconds of each other, and she cried out his name, not caring how loud she was. And when they were done, a peaceful serenity washed over them and they lay there, sweaty and exhausted, a tangle of clothes around their ankles, but they didn't move. The air was thick with emotion and Padme brought a hand up to brush her tears away from her wet cheeks.

"I love you," Anakin told her, cradling her to his chest, stroking her hair lovingly. "Always. Don't ever, ever, think I don't." She nodded against him. "You are all I need. Understand?"

The harsh tone of his voice startled her a little, but she knew it was merely a symbol for how strongly he felt for her. She felt the same way. "I love you, Ani. Always."

They lay there for what seemed like hours, neither one willing to leave the other's embrace, content to will away their lives there, in that very room. Nothing else mattered. There was nothing else but Padme and Anakin and their love in that moment.

"So," Anakin said lightly, after a while. "I take it you want to spend Christmas with my family, then?"

She laughed against him. "I couldn't think of anything more perfect," she replied honestly.