"Happiness comes in many forms in the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else's dream come true, or in the promise of hope renewed. It's okay to let yourself be happy because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be."
- Lucas Scott
Chapter 15
January 29, 2007
"You know what's funny? I feel like you know everything about my relationship with Clay, yet I know next to nothing about your relationship with Lindsey," Haley said absentmindedly.
Nathan contemplated whether or not he should address that comment, probably opening up a can of worms, or simply ignore it. "I didn't think it really mattered."
"Well…it kind of does. I mean, she was your last serious relationship, right?" she asked.
He looked at her, this time with more concern. "Haley…my relationship with her happened a while ago. We dated when I was fifteen, five years ago. She's insignificant in my life." He got up, sitting down next to her and taking her hand. "You're important, much more important than she was and she ever will be. You are my life," he insisted as he burrowed his head into her neck.
Absentmindedly, he began rubbing her left ring finger. Haley noticed and immediately felt guilty.
Rachel watched Brooke paint her nails a baby blue colour. Just as she finished, Brooke began to blow on them, hoping to speed up the process of drying.
"So where is everyone else?"
Brooke shrugged. "Where's your husband? I feel like I've seen him five times since you've gotten married," she joked.
Rachel picked at her nail. "He's working," she responded.
Brooke nodded. "Lucas should be coming soon. I think Jake and Peyton said they were taking Anna to see Peyton's parents. Haley and Nathan will hopefully be here soon, too," she explained.
"I'm kind of nervous about Haley and Nathan. It's like fate hates them," Rachel said.
"I know. But…they love each other. They should be okay. I'm just glad they could work things out after Nathan proposed to her and she said no," Brooke replied optimistically.
Rachel nodded in agreement.
There was some awkward silence before Brooke spoke. "So where are we ordering from?"
Rachel shrugged. "Where do you want to order from? I'm sure the others will be fine with whatever," she said.
Brooke thought for a minute. "Sushi?"
Rachel bit her lip. "Actually, can we get something else? I don't really feel like sushi tonight," she explained.
Brooke looked at her strangely before nodding. "Do you want to order Chinese?" she suggested.
Hale and Nathan sat outside Rachel and Dean's house for a few minutes. There were a few moments of awkward silence.
"I need to tell you something, Hales," he said, breaking the first bout of silence.
She looked at him expectantly.
"I need to go to New York City next weekend to be able to qualify for try-outs."
She furrowed her eyebrows. "Why do you have to go all the way to New York City?"
He shrugged. "Honestly, I have no idea, but that's what I was told."
"Have you been practicing with a partner this whole time and I've just been completely oblivious?" she asked, half-joking.
"No, but I'm working under someone else's name," he explained.
"Is that even legal?"
He nodded. "But now I'll finally be able to play ball independently. That is if I can pass the tryouts," he explained.
Haley smiled. "I'm sure you will, Nathan. You're smart and I'm sure you'll pass," she insisted as she touched his hand.
He let out a small laugh. "Well, I'm no Haley, but I think I stand a good chance."
Lucas brought in the Chinese food, setting the large bags down on the counter. Rachel and Brooke piped up when they saw the two of them.
"Do you think we got enough for the six of us?" Rachel asked.
"Six?" Lucas inquired.
Brooke nodded. "Yeah, six. Haley and Nathan are coming. I thought I told you," she said.
Lucas scoffed. "Yeah, like you ever tell me anything."
Brooke rolled her eyes before continuing to help Rachel take out all the food and put it on the counter.
A minute later, there was a knock at the door and Rachel immediately ran to get it, finding the lovebirds in question there. She let them in, smiling when she led them back to the group. Brooke had opened a bottle of red wine to go with the food. She pulled out six glasses before Rachel piped up.
"Oh, Brooke? I'm not drinking tonight," she announced.
Brooke raised an eyebrow. Someone not drinking? That's odd.
"Yeah, you can put away another glass, too. I'm not drinking, either," Haley said before she let go of Nathan's hand to join the group.
Brooke found this oddly suspicious but didn't waste time in pouring wine for the rest of them before taking a swig of her own glass.
"You guys just ordered everything, didn't you?" Nathan asked as he looked at the whole counter full of food. Brooke had already filled a plate and was looking for a pair of chopsticks in the bag.
Five minutes later, everyone was seated around the island, eating. Lucas was attempting to show Brooke how to use the chopsticks, but eventually, Brooke just got sick of it and ended up stabbing her pieces of meat with the sticks, trying to just pick them up and put them in her mouth. Lucas gave up trying to help her.
Mindless chatter ensued between mostly everyone, but Rachel remained oddly silent.
Finally, someone picked up on this.
"Rachel? Are you okay?" Haley asked.
Rachel nodded before straightening up. "I actually have something that I sort of wanted to tell everyone," she said. Everyone looked at her expectantly. "I'm pregnant," she said after a moment of excruciating silence.
There were mixed reactions. Immediately, Brooke and Haley were really happy and excited for her, while Lucas was a bit calmer about things. Nathan took the longest to wrap his head around it. He supposed that since he was like a brother to her, it was weird to even consider anybody impregnating her (since he knew how babies came about).
He pushed the odd feelings aside and congratulated her.
Rachel suddenly felt a lot better. She hated having to keep it from her friends, even if only for a short time.
She looked from Nathan to Brooke, then over to Haley. She didn't miss Haley taking Nathan's hand after she made her announcement.
Rachel furrowed her eyebrows. She also didn't miss the meaningful look Haley gave him shortly after her announcement.
Wait a minute!
Was there something here that everyone else was missing?
Brooke and Lucas had stuck around to help Rachel clean up after Haley, and Nathan had left.
Brooke and Rachel were washing the dishes as Lucas had gone to take out the garbage.
"How many months are you?" Brooke asked as she washed the last glass and handed it to Rachel.
Rachel, still contemplating Haley and Nathan's odd behaviour from earlier, wasn't really paying attention. "Oh, um…two months, I think. I've known for like a week," she mumbled as she continued to dry the dishes.
Brooke noticed the odd behaviour of her friend. "Are you okay, Rach? You seem a bit off. Is this just pregnancy hormones?" she asked, half-joking.
Rachel bit her lip before putting the glass down. "I don't know, maybe it was just me…was Haley acting weird to you tonight?"
Brooke turned off the water, not really facing Rachel. "A little bit, I guess. But you know she's going through a lot. With Clay being an asshole and Lindsey being a bitch, I can't really blame her. Maybe she's just dealing with the stress of all that crap and planning Peyton's wedding on top of it all."
She thought about it a bit longer. "I guess you're right, Brooke. But I'm kind of worried about her. And Nathan, too. I'm always worried about him."
Brooke turned around to look at Rachel as she put the rag where it originally was. "Why are you so worried about him?" she asked cautiously.
Rachel shrugged, crossing her arms. "Just because he's like a brother to me. And you know…he's Nathan. Sometimes he's too sweet for his own good. You know, he's one of those people who believes everyone is good on the inside. He's a big believer in forgiveness; he doesn't realize that sometimes, there's no hope," she said absentmindedly.
Brooke squinted her brown eyes, trying to figure out what Rachel was trying to say. "Was there something hidden in that?" she asked.
"No. I'm just worried about him sometimes."
Haley walked into their apartment first. She turned around to see Nathan there. She stopped in the kitchen, hoping to question him more about this trip that he neglected to tell her about.
"So when are you going, exactly?" she asked.
"Next weekend."
She nodded. "And you staying late and practicing extra hours? That was you 'studying', wasn't it?"
He nodded. "Among other things. Planning the proposal."
Pang. Another dose of poison to her heart. "Nathan, I—"
"If you're going to apologize again, you don't have to. We already talked about this," he said before beginning to make his way to their bedroom.
"No, but we didn't really talk about it. You dismissed it. I don't want to feel like I'm rejecting you. I love you so much. But I'm not ready," she said.
"I know that. You've said it, and I understand. I don't blame you and I shouldn't have rushed into things so quickly." He paused before looking her over once more and speaking again. "Maybe this distance is what we need right now."
"We already had distance!" she exclaimed, not really yelling at anybody in particular, but wanting to get her frustration out. "Please. I don't like it. I miss you. I just wish things could go back to the way they were," she pleaded.
"But they can't go back now. We need to learn to move forward," he said before going into their bedroom.
"But we can't move forward until we deal with this. We can't just push it aside. I hate this. I feel like when we makeup, we're not really making up," she said with a pout.
He sighed. "Why is that, Haley?"
She opened her mouth, a small noise coming out. She just sighed for an answer. "I think you may be right; I'm overreacting," she mumbled.
It seemed she was the only one who realized that wasn't the truth.
"So did you decide on roses or lilies?" Haley asked as she walked through the florist with Peyton.
"I think I like the lilies," she said.
"Haley! You're avoiding the question! Why are you acting so weird?" Brooke called as they walked through the labyrinth of refrigerated display cases.
Haley looked at the displays of lilies. "I don't know what you're talking about, Brooke," she said dismissively as she looked at some lily-of-the-valleys.
Brooke huffed. She turned to the petite blonde. "You see it, don't you?"
Peyton opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, Brooke rolled her eyes and continued. "You're acting as though you're totally fine, but whenever I try to ask you how you are or how Nathan is, you get all cagey and change the subject."
"I can actually agree with her on this one; Brooke has a point. You've been acting strange, Hales," Peyton said.
Haley didn't say anything as she looked at the different flowers. "There's nothing to say. He should be coming back on Tuesday, hopefully with the good news that he made the tryouts. We need to talk when he gets home," she said as she looked at the calla lilies.
Peyton pouted. "Haley, don't you dare break up with him. You two are supposed to be walking down the aisle together! Brooke will go with Lucas, Rachel is with her husband. Come on, this was perfect!"
"Peyton, Brooke, you can all relax; I'm not breaking up with Nathan. I'm trying to fix this. I really can't see us breaking up anytime soon…" she began, trailing off.
Brooke raised an eyebrow. Was there truth in what Rachel had speculated?
"Are you trying to convince us or yourself?" she asked boldly.
Haley spun around to face Brooke. "I don't have to convince anybody; I know what's true and what's not." She sighed as she looked at the flowers. "Peyton, I'm going to need a solid decision on these flowers as soon as possible," she said.
Brooke groaned dramatically from behind Peyton.
Rachel put her hand protectively over her stomach, rubbing it slightly. She watched as Peyton's expression changed when she looked at the ultrasound.
"Wow," Peyton uttered. "How far along are you?"
Rachel shrugged. "Ten weeks? I think. The doctor isn't totally certain, but that's what we all think."
"I guess Anna is going to be getting a playmate soon," Rachel said before handing her back the ultrasound.
Rachel smiled slightly. "I guess so," she repeated.
Peyton couldn't help but notice that there was something off about her today. "Are you alright, Rachel?"
She sighed. "No, not really. I'm just really nervous about…everything. And just really aggravated," she added.
"You should try not to be. It can't be good for you or the baby."
Rachel scoffed. "You sound like my mother, Peyton. The baby and I will be fine. But I'm serious. I'm nervous about my friends and just being a mom. I'm aggravated with Lindsey."
Peyton furrowed her eyebrows. "Lindsey…?"
"Do I need to spell it out for you, Peyt? Bitch crazy. You and I are both Nathan's best friends; you know how either of us would do anything for him. I don't know if you realize how crazy and obsessive Lindsey actually is, but I see it as a growing problem that's going to drive a wedge between the two of them," she said.
"I don't think it'll grow into a huge problem—"
"I think it already is a problem. And if Lindsey drives a wedge in between Haley and Nathan, I'm going to drive a wedge up her—"
"Rachel! Even if you're right, what are we supposed to do?"
Rachel shrugged as she thought it over.
He couldn't sleep and he wasn't sure why.
He tossed and turned in bed, trying to think about the possible reasons he was so miserable.
In hindsight, it was stupid to leave things so unresolved with Haley. But really, what was he supposed to do? He pretended that everything was alright between them, but in reality, it was hard to be around her after she rejected him. The more she reassured him that she simply wasn't ready to be married again, the more he felt as though she was overcompensating for something.
And he still felt kind of guilty for never telling her about Lindsey in the first place. He led her to believe he hadn't had a serious relationship when they first met, which wasn't true (as his history with Lindsey was solid proof).
He sighed, sitting up. After glancing out the window of his hotel room, he got up and went out into the balcony. The cold, late-January air was freezing on his bare skin.
He stared at the lights for the millionth time that day. Before, he didn't think much of them. Now, as he was confronted by the several million lights, the only things illuminating the night sky, he was faced with the same realization he had had several months ago. He thought of the only thing that could challenge these lights in their brightness.
Haley.
He could feel them falling apart like it was out of their control. He knew how much he loved her. He knew she loved him, too. But…they couldn't prevent the inevitable.
At this point, it was pretty much inevitable that this ended horribly. He knew.
It made him sad. He didn't know how to fix it. Everything seemed broken beyond repair.
Suddenly, he realized how at fault he was. Sure, he didn't have to take all the blame, but he was as responsible for all of this as she, if not more. Haley had told him that she was the one who always ran. Here he was—how cowardly—standing in another state, while she had stayed for him. He was just running from his problems. Not courageous enough to face them.
He sighed, sliding down the façade of the building and sitting on the cold stone floor of the balcony. He looked out. There seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel. If it was, he was facing it now.
This was it.
"Anna, Mommy is going to try on a dress right now. You're going to stay out here with Auntie Haley, okay?" Peyton said to the small one-year-old girl who was sucking on her fingers. Even though she knew the little girl couldn't understand her, she felt a strange obligation to some explanation.
"You know she can't understand you, right?" Brooke asked from beside them.
Peyton frowned. "I know, but…okay, I'm going."
The petite blonde disappeared behind some gray curtains to change. Brooke sighed as she absentmindedly flipped through some bridal magazines.
"Have you spoken to Nathan?" she asked cautiously.
Haley shook her head before a soft "no" escaped her lips.
Brooke would've delved further, but she could sense Haley's vulnerability and discomfort with the whole situation. She just let it be.
Luckily, Peyton came out mere moments later in her wedding dress. Both girls smiled as soon as they saw her. Despite fitting incorrectly, she still looked beautiful in it.
The seamstress came quickly to take note of the alterations that needed to be done to the dress. Meanwhile, Peyton trained her eyes on her daughter.
"Do you like the dress, Anna? Do you think Daddy will like it?" she inquired, anxiety hidden in her voice.
"You don't actually think that she understands you, do you?" Brooke asked again.
"I'm sure she loves it and that Jake will love it, too," Haley said, answering for Anna and ignoring Brooke.
Brooke scoffed. "Jake won't care what you're wearing. He loves you, and once guys love you, it doesn't matter what you wear." She thought for a minute before her lips curled into a smirk. "Eventually, they just want to take it off of you."
"Anna!" Peyton exclaimed, reminding Brooke of the little girl sitting right beside her.
"She doesn't understand me. And one day, she'll find out," Brooke answered as she looked over at Anna.
Peyton looked down at the seamstress, who was getting up from adjusting the train. She gave her a cue, which meant that Peyton could change out of the dress.
"Way to be appropriate, Brooke," Haley commented sarcastically.
"What? I'm just telling the truth. Isn't that how you've always known me? This is just how I am around you guys."
Anna reached out for Brooke she quickly picked her up.
"Besides, I love being an aunt. I'm not like Peyton and Rachel or you; I'm not ready for kids just yet. I'm going to spoil my Clementine as much as I can," she answered while hugging Anna for good measure.
Haley nodded as she thought about it.
"Are you sure you're okay to be alone tonight?" Brooke asked as she stood next to the door.
Haley nodded. "Nathan said that he's coming home tonight," she answered.
"I thought you said you hadn't spoken to him," Brooke said, confused.
"He texted me," Haley answered evenly.
Brooke nodded slowly and skeptically before she left.
Haley sighed as she made her way to the couch. She wasn't a huge TV-addict, but she did have favourite shows.
As she flipped through On Demand, she allowed her thoughts to roam, which was not exactly the wisest thing. Different TV shows triggered different thoughts, some worse than others.
A few TV shows later, she heard her phone ringing on the island. She already knew who it was. She let it ring, not thinking much of it. She burrowed herself deeper into the covers as she selected some murder show. The feeling of dread she got as she watched the show seemed normal by now.
About half an hour later, she heard keys in the door, attempting to open it. She was buried so deep under the covers that she wasn't concerned about anybody really seeing that she was awake.
She heard footsteps make their way into their bedroom. They got closer again, stopping a fair distance away from her, before turning around again and walking back into the bedroom.
She sighed but decided to stay there. At least her relationship with the couch wasn't in shambles.
"So what did you think of this meal?" Brooke asked Peyton and Jake.
Jake shrugged. "It tasted fine."
"Jake," Brooke scolded, "you're acting like Lucas. He's so passive about all of this—"
"Hey!"
"I'm sorry, baby, but you are." Brooke turned her attention away from him and back to the bride and groom-to-be. "Peyton? What do you think?" she inquired, somewhat nervous.
"This is definitely the best we've tried so far. I think we should go for this one. Jake?" Peyton added, looking for confirmation from her fiancé.
Jake nodded in agreement. "Whatever you want."
Brooke kicked Lucas under the table.
"I know, I know; take notes," Lucas filled in for her.
Brooke smiled as she jotted something down in the wedding planning book. Seeing the amount of drama that Haley was going through, Brooke had filled in for her whenever the girl in question was feeling too stressed out or too busy working on her relationship to planning a wedding.
Brooke couldn't blame her.
"Alright, so we've got the dress, the flowers, the food…venue? Are you still undecided?" she asked.
Peyton exchanged a look with Jake as she held his hand. "We have an idea. We just aren't sure yet. We were thinking of getting married at Jake's aunt's house. You have to see it; it's huge and it's gorgeous," Peyton explained.
"Did your aunt agree, Jake?"
Jake sighed. "I don't think she'd really have a problem with it. And if she did, there's not much she can do about it," he said.
Brooke furrowed her eyebrows and watched as Peyton's grip on Jake grew tighter.
"She passed away and left the house to Jake in her will," Peyton explained quietly.
Brooke stuttered, speechless for the first time in a while. "I-I'm sorry, Jake," she choked out.
Haley shivered as she looked at the menu. She felt chills just thinking about this meeting. She just wanted to get things actually resolved in this meeting. She knew that things weren't going well.
As she took a sip of wine, she shivered again as the rush ran through her, down her spine.
She heard someone sit down in front of her and she looked up apprehensively. She knew who it was.
"Hey," she answered laconically.
"Hey," he replied with mirrored terseness.
Haley put the menu down so she could look at him better. He seemed to be avoiding her gaze.
"How did that test go?" she asked cautiously, trying to read his expression, but finding it quite impossible.
"I didn't pass," he answered.
She frowned. "I'm sorry, Nathan. I know that it meant a lot to you—"
"Don't be sorry. I can take it again on the 20th," he answered before opening the menu.
To be honest, this conversation was frustrating her. But now, she assumed she now knew what he felt like. For a while, things were opposite; he was trying to get her to open up, while she was rather stubborn and guarded.
"Does that mean you're going to be gone for Christmas?" she asked nervously, biting her lip.
After a brief moment of silence, Nathan shook his head. "No."
She contemplated reaching out for his hand, just craving his touch. But something in her decided it would be a bad idea to do so.
She changed the subject. "Has Jake talked to you a lot about the wedding?" she asked, attempting to make small talk.
"He hasn't really started worrying about it yet. He's more concerned about Anna," he said.
Haley furrowed her eyebrows. "What's wrong with her?"
Nathan shook his head. "I didn't mean to suggest anything was wrong with her; I just meant, he's concerned about her in a way which fathers usually are, especially about their daughters."
A small smile played on her lips. "Is that what you'd act like with your daughter?"
The words came out of her mouth though she didn't intend them to. She was nervous to hear his reaction.
"I think I'd be a lot worse," he answered honestly, a small smile also on his lips.
Rachel paced around her room, her hands on her stomach protectively as she let her anger out.
"I feel so weird about this whole situation. At the end of the day, I'm not involved, but Nathan is like a brother! And Haley…I've just gotten so close to Haley over these last few months she's been seeing him. They're both such amazing people and they deserve so much happiness. And I know—okay, I know that they're only going to find that kind of happiness with each other. But those stupid...morons have to ruin everything! Clay and his lying, cheating ass had to come back again and horrify Haley. I don't know if I told you what happened with the two of them. Like a year and a half ago, Haley was engaged to him and she had gotten pregnant, while he was out cheating on her with like ten different women. And when she left him, he had the audacity to make such a vulgar, disgusting, appalling proposal. He asked her to have a baby with him. Have a freaking baby with him! All while she's with poor Nathan, who can't do anything. I mean…how would you feel if my ex-boyfriend—no, ex-fiancé—came into town and asked me to have a baby with him? I mean, besides the fact that I'm already pregnant…and my last ex…well…it doesn't matter! The point is, I feel so bad for both of them, but I don't know what to do!"
She let out an exaggerated sigh as she sat on the bed. "Please, tell me what to do," she pleaded as she put her head on his shoulder.
She felt a hand on her shoulder.
"You don't always have to take everything upon yourself. I don't want you to be stressed out like this. You're far too pretty," he teased.
Rachel shoved him slightly, making him laugh. "And you can't shove me back because I'm pregnant. With your child, no less," she added.
Her husband smiled. "How can I forget about our baby girl?" he asked as he put a hand protectively over her stomach.
"I think it's a boy," she disagreed.
"Girl," he said.
"Boy!"
"Girl!"
"Okay, so we don't really need to be concerned about it just yet. But you're avoiding this whole situation," she said as a frown began to appear on her face. "What am I supposed to do?"
He sighed. "Well, normally, I'd say that you just need to stop worrying about it; you can't really help them. But you're my wife and I know you; you're not going to leave it alone, even though it's really none of your business to get involved in any of this. If Haley and Nathan won't listen to you, maybe you need to see someone else about this."
"Like who?" Rachel asked, her expression turning into a pout.
Dean smiled. "You're really cute when you do that," he commented. Her pout dropped off into a look of skepticism. "Okay, fine. Maybe you need to talk to Lindsey or Clay. Maybe you need to get to the root of the problem, which I think would be one of them in this case," he said.
The faintest smile formed on her face before she nodded. She kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you. You're the best," she said as she began to leave to do work Haley wasn't brave enough to do.
She felt a hand grab onto her wrist and looked back at him. "What are you doing?" she asked before a kiss was pressed against her lips. "Are you planning on messing around with me? Do you keep forgetting that I'm already pregnant?" she inquired.
He just laughed and kissed her again.
About an hour later, after more food, they were both feeling soberer. In effect, the two were less open and candid with each other.
"Don't you get lonely going to New York?" she asked finally.
He shrugged. "Sometimes, but it's New York; there's something to on every block."
She bit her lip. "I know, but…" she trailed off slightly. "I could go with you if you want," she suggested quietly.
"You don't have to go with me, Haley."
Her heart sunk a little at the sound of her name. She had just grown so accustomed to him calling her "Hales" that it felt foreign now.
"I don't want you to be lonely," she answered meekly.
He looked up at her, studying her very carefully. "Is there a reason you don't want to stay here, in Tree Hill?"
She contemplated telling him all about Clay and Lindsey. She suddenly realized that it would probably infuriate him and she honestly didn't want to be around for that.
"It just gets kind of lonely. And I miss not having you around, especially at night, when it gets cold," she said.
"I don't have to go if—"
"No, you need to go. It's an amazing opportunity for you if you pass, Nathan. Don't pass it up because of me. If you don't want me to come with you, I'll deal with it," she answered firmly.
They both sighed, unsure of what to say now.
"So where do we go from here?" she asked.
Nathan was somewhat taken aback, scared of what that really meant. "What do you mean?"
She sighed. "I can't do this forever. Where are we? Whenever I try to talk to you, it's like…you're avoiding me. Like suddenly, I'm a leper or something," she answered.
"I'm not avoiding you—"
"Well, what else would you call it?" she asked, somewhat agitated. "Every time I talk to you about anything concerning the both of us, you get really cagey and make up some excuse to leave," she explained.
He thought for a moment. "Do I really do that to you?"
"Yes! And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of feeling like all the things we went through as a couple are irrelevant now. I'm sick of feeling like…you're giving up on us."
"I'm not giving up, Haley," he assured her. It sure felt like he was to him, too.
She sighed dramatically and stood up from where she was sitting. "I'm sick of you lying. To me and to yourself." She grabbed her bag. "I don't know what you want. I don't even know if you know what you want anymore."
He didn't know what to say as Haley stormed out of the restaurant. Should he chase her? Should he claim his undying love for her?
He was frozen. He didn't know what to say.
"Funny meeting you again."
She stumbled out of her car. She wasn't exactly sure how she had gotten to his house again. She knew for certain, even in her inebriated state, that she shouldn't have been driving drunk. Thank goodness, nobody seemed to be on the road at midnight on a Thursday, especially taking the back routes to that house.
She barely walked—it was nearly a crawl—to the front door, including her hobble up the steps.
She righted herself using the doorknob, allowing herself to stand—albeit, a bit shakily—in front of the doorway. She hit the doorbell with the palm of her hand and waited.
"What are you doing here?" he asked as he opened the door.
She sniffled a bit, taking a deep breath. "I needed to see you again?" she said clearly, despite her clear intoxication.
He shook his head. "I…I don't understand."
"I needed to see you," she answered, more firmly and surely this time.
He opened his mouth to speak, but she just invited herself in.
She looked around at the walls, now unfamiliar to her. "I needed to see you," she repeated, more slurred this time. "I just…I…I couldn't…forget…about everything that we…gone through, I…I can't…"
"I don't—"
"Kiss me."
He stared at her, befuddled. This was so against all of her pleas these last few weeks. "What?"
Before she could explain anything, she grabbed him and placed her lips firmly on his.
"Haley, I—"
"I miss the way they used to be," she mumbled unclearly.
What did you just do, you idiot?
Drink.
Here you are again, you dummy, drinking to forget. How could you do this to her?
Drink.
How could you do this to us? How could you? I trusted you! You were supposed to be different! You're no better than him!
He pressed his fingers to his temple. Clearly, the drink was just intensifying this pain. He pushed the bottle away, trying to steady his thoughts and his breathing.
Sure, he regretted it. Yes, he loved her. Yes, he made one huge mistake. Could he ever go back?
Probably not.
He had cheated. Fucking cheated. And he couldn't take it back, no matter how much he wanted to. He could pretend it never happened, he could confess to it and beg for forgiveness. Hell, he could go find her right now, spill his inebriated soul to her, and plead redemption from this.
But it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't change the fact that he was a cheater. What was done was done; there was nothing he could do.
He was just as bad as Clay.
The very thought made him reach for the bottle and take a swift drink of it. The liquid burned going down.
Good. It's going to hurt ten times worse every day you have to live with this, you ungrateful asshole.
He sighed in misery, throwing the bottle away. He heard the shatter as it reached the foot of the front steps.
"Why?"
Why, why, why would you do this to her again?
"Haley, what are you doing here?" he asked once more, for about the fifth time in the last ten minutes.
"I don't know where I want to go," she answered vaguely, a different answer for the fifth time.
He sighed. "Why are you here? Don't you have a boyfriend? Why are you coming back to me?" he inquired. "I thought you loved him so much more than you ever did me," he added softly and bitterly.
"I don't know…I don't know," she muttered.
"So where do you want to be? With him or with me?"
She was looking away, her expression unreadable. "I want sex," she answered finally.
He looked at her, quite puzzled by this uncouth, somewhat profane declaration coming from the ever-so composed, proper Haley James' mouth.
"What?" he asked, still deeply puzzled, but almost amused.
"I haven't done it and I…I don't know," she confessed with a slur as she fell back onto the wall.
He sighed. "Haley—"
She sighed dramatically. "I just don't know anything anymore. I used to feel like…I had all the answers, but now…I just don't know," she interrupted vaguely.
"Can I take you home?"
She looked at him with glazy eyes. "No, I'm fine. I brought my car here."
He looked at her, rather startled. "You drove here tonight?" he inquired, stunned.
She nodded. "It wasn't a far drive. I know this route by heart," she promised.
"That's really dangerous, Hales!" he scolded.
She rolled her eyes. "It's not so bad. It's like a reflex," she insisted.
He grabbed his keys quickly before taking her hand. Tingles shot up his arm when he touched her. "I'm taking you home," he insisted.
She groaned, but couldn't really protest due to her extremely intoxicated state.
"Where are your keys?" he asked when they got outside.
He turned to face Haley, who was crossing her arms stubbornly.
"Come on, Haley. Where are they?"
She shook her head stiffly.
"Haley!"
She groaned once more before going through her purse and handing him the keys.
"Thank you."
He began to walk off. He almost reached the end of the driveway before he realized that she wasn't following him.
"Haley?"
Her feet were placed solidly on the ground. It was obvious that she didn't want to move. Her heels stayed firmly on the ground, her arms still crossed across her chest.
"I'm not letting you stay out here, in the cold, in this state."
She pouted. Finally, he had to take her by the arm and lead her to the car.
He heard a loud noise in the apartment. At first, he thought he was hallucinating, but when he heard someone stumble, he shot up in bed.
"Is anyone there?"
It was as he said these words that he realized the agonizing headache he had contracted from the alcohol.
"Shit," mumbled someone outside.
He faintly recognized that voice, but the mind-splitting headache distracted him too much for him to figure out who it was.
He heard someone stumble into the bedroom, falling on the floor near the bed. They groaned. He quickly matched a face and name to the voice.
"Haley?" he called out weakly. "Are you okay?" he questioned.
She groaned again before pulling herself up on the bed. She really didn't respond to him, as he assumed she was too drunk to.
He watched as she tried to pull up the covers to her chest, but failed. She hadn't even bothered to try and undress, much less put on her pyjamas. She just mumbled something faintly before she turned around and faced him.
"I…I really screwed up tonight," she mumbled. She added something incomprehensible, but he didn't attempt at deciphering it. He just felt her get closer to him, almost unconsciously.
"I know. So did I," he replied unknowingly.
She woke up with a hammering in her head. She could barely recall the events from the previous night as a whole but remembered faint, brief parts of it.
She remembered (vaguely) fighting with Nathan at their dinner. She remembered stomping out of the bar. She sort of remembered drinking many shots of tequila and vodka the previous night. After that, things were a haze. She remembered (eek!) driving someplace, but couldn't recall where. She remembered stumbling back into bed, telling Nathan something, but she couldn't quite remember.
Before she could continue self-loathing or interrogating herself mentally, she smelt a faint waft of freshly made, strong coffee coming from the kitchen.
As if her brain was on auto-pilot, Haley got up and neared the smell. Of course, Nathan was preparing it in the very way she had trained him to—extra strong.
"What happened last night?" I asked.
He sighed. "We got into a…rift of sorts and…you left the restaurant. I don't know what happened, but you got back later pretty drunk," he explained.
She nodded. "And you don't know anything else?"
He hesitated for a moment as if he had something really heavy weighing on his mind. Truth was, he was debating with himself mentally. He wondered whether this would be the perfect opportunity to tell her the truth, or if he should just keep it to himself (once again).
Once more, he decided to be a chicken and not tell her.
You just keep making things worse and worse, don't you? What the hell is wrong with you?
"I have a class in like an hour, so I think that I should be getting ready now," Halet said as she grabbed a bottle of pills and poured herself a glass of water.
Nathan nodded, just hoping that she wouldn't decide to play a game of Twenty Questions. Thankfully, she didn't.
He just knew…he needed to get out of there.
Ugh, what are you doing, man? You're supposed to be her rock. You're supposed to be still and be her home. Now you just want to run. She was wrong all those months ago; she was never the runner—you were. You're going to let her down now, after everything she's been through.
No, and screw all of that. You fought so hard for her before. How are you just going to give that all up? You can't. She was worth fighting for, and she still is. She wants to be with you. You're just being an ass by throwing it all away. Good job, jerk.
He scolded himself relentlessly, the criticism coming all-too-easily. He knew this kind of hatred and acidity in words all too well.
It almost scared him. The thing which was scarier was remembering Haley's devastation the last time she was jilted by her lover.
What would happen the second time around?
I promise I'm not a part of the foodinati or something like that. I know I made food references to all of my replies, but I have low blood sugar and I cannot eat any sugar anymore. Well, I can't eat any extra sugar, which means I have to eat healthy stuff. Tonight's dinner was some kind of chicken with spaghetti squash and salad. Damn salad. Do you feel me? I don't like green stuff. It makes me feel stabby.
Before any of you mock me, I am having a hard time even writing this God-forsaken thing you're looking at right now, so you should all be damn thankful...I just didn't want to leave you guys hanging...
You guys as a majority left me kind of flustered. I thought I kind of clearly put the mystery to rest here about the pregnant girl from the last chapter: it's Rachel. I'm a little bit flustered that you guys (and so many of you) didn't realize that it was Rachel since I thought I made it kind of obvious. Then again, you may have thought Lindsey or Haley was pregnant because of her little mood swings or...whatever it was that I gave her in these last few chapters.
I also kind of wanted to ask you guys if you'd like to meet Dean (AKA, Rachel's husband, who we know next to nothing about). If you don't, sucks to suck because he's in the next chapter. You are all finally meeting him. Congrats.
Also, I am probably not going to be able to put out another chapter for another week and a half to two more weeks. I literally JUST finished this chapter and as most of you know, I am going to Florida until this next Saturday.
thibbs65: Thank you! Yes, I am so glad Haley decided to open up to Nathan. She knows that he only has her best interest at heart. Great guess, but unfortunately not, it was Rachel. I know that seems like quite a shocker but not since she's the only one who's MARRIED out of all of them. Thank you so much thibbs that honestly is so sweet and means the world to me. I have always loved one tree hill and wanted to write my own take on the show, as I had a passion for writing for since I was 8 years old.
Guest: thank you! I do too. I think the relationship the girls have with one another is such an important one and such a lovely one, they all seem to understand and love one another. I know you're all bummed she did not say yes to Nathan, but she's also so young and was just engaged to another man she was in love with over a year and a half ago, it takes time to heal and process. She's not ready for that big of a commitment to Nathan as of yet. Lindsey and Clay, huh dynamic duo? You're the only one who guessed it right. I have no idea honestly, at this point, I am just going with the flow so maybe around 50-60 chapters possibly? There is still A LOT to uncover. This story won't move to the present until chapter 25-30.
dianehermans: Thank you!
Guest: Thank you! I know but its for the better don't worry they will be engaged one day, just not yet as Haley has a fear of marriage. Thank you, that's so sweet. I appreciate the kindness. I do too she is a great friend to step in and help Haley plan Peyton's wedding. We will see the Laley friendship develop later on. I too loved their friendship on the show so genuine, respectful and loving.
With that being said, I don't know when I'll update next, but hopefully, it is soon.
Thanks for reading! Until next time! ~Sidney