"To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves."
― Federico García Lorca
Chapter 20
February 22, 2007
"Peyton."
Peyton was a bit taken aback by Rachel's stern tone. She wasn't used to Rachel putting her foot down. "What?"
Rachel was not amused. "Peyton, you can't just go meet your ex and not tell Jake or Brooke. What if someone else tells them? What if I tell them?" she inquired.
Peyton frowned. "Rach, you couldn't really do that, would you?"
"Brooke is like a sister to me, Peyton, and I care for Jake. You can't just tell me this and expect me not to tell them. Especially knowing the way Lucas's mind works," she said with a small scoff.
"I'll tell him later tonight, and I'll figure out what to say to Brooke okay? I don't know why you're so concerned, Rachel! It's Lucas okay? He's with Brooke," Peyton noted.
"Does it matter, Peyton? Secrets are secrets and sometimes lies, too! You literally are getting married in less than two days and you're already keeping stuff from him."
"My God, Rachel! People are allowed to keep secrets! It's not like I'm pregnant and not telling him. It's not like I'm having an affair!"
"Seriously? You call kissing Lucas not having an affair Peyton? Do you even hear yourself? It's only a matter of time before secrets add up. Lies breed more lies, Peyton!"
Peyton rolled her eyes. "You're being ridiculous. I don't even know why I told you. I wouldn't have if I knew you were going to flip out like this!"
Rachel let out a heavy sigh of frustration as she paced back and forth around her house.
"I mean…how am I supposed to just not tell Brooke or Jake about what Peyton is doing? I feel like if the situation was reversed and you told them that you were going to meet some girl you used to sleep with and…I would want him to tell me. I mean, you would want him to tell you, right?"
She looked at her husband, who was too busy cradling their daughter at the moment to even notice.
"Dean! I know Delilah is adorable, but could you at least pretend to listen to my rant here?" she asked.
He shook out of it. "Sorry, what was that?"
Rachel sighed and rolled her eyes before sitting down next to him.
"I think you should wait a day or two before you say anything to either of them. If in like two or three days, it seems like he still doesn't know, you should talk to Peyton about it and see if she told them. And if in like a week or so, he still doesn't seem to know, maybe you should talk to them yourself."
Rachel thought about that in silence for a moment. Finally, she kissed her husband on the cheek. "You're really great at giving advice. Has anyone ever told you that?"
He just smiled at her before looking down at their sleeping daughter.
"She has your eyes, you know?" she asked as she looked at her.
"She's asleep. You can't see her eyes."
She shrugged. "But I just know."
"I don't think the suit matches the truck," she stated casually as she walked up to him. "I mean, that is a nice suit, but next to that old thing?" she went on as he smiled. "It throws off the whole look."
Lucas looked down at the gray suit that seemed to be tailored to him. He looked really good in a suit. "It keeps me humble, I suppose," he replied, already loosening his tie.
It had been awkward when she woke from what she was told was an eleven-hour sleep to find Lucas in bed with her, reading a book and running his fingers through her hair. Her temperature had lessened to double digits after the long snooze and while she knew Lucas was there, the non-delusional Peyton wasn't as forgiving and needy as the flu-having one.
Once her temperature had been double-checked, tea and soup had been started, and an update on her life had been given Lucas called Brooke for reinforcements and was out the door. Tension hung in the air the whole half an hour she tried to recollect her memory, but she didn't have the energy to question too much right then.
"Thank you, again, Lucas for taking care of me. I know how I am-"
"Peyton, it was nothing," he cut her off with a head shake. "You needed me, I was there, simple as that."
Haley was just deciding what she was going to eat when she saw two people walk up in her peripheral vision. She looked up to see Clay with a woman. Valeria. The woman he chose as a surrogate.
She was just as beautiful, if not more stunning, in real life. It almost made Haley…jealous. But then she shook away the feelings, recalling that she was now dating Nathan.
Valeria and Clay interrupted her reverie. They sat across from Haley.
"Hi, I'm Haley," Haley said as she extended her hand to Valeria.
Valeria gave her a dazzling white smile. "Hi. I'm Valeria," she answered.
"It's nice to meet you," Haley said softly. "I've heard a lot about you."
Valeria smiled. Haley could tell it wasn't exactly sincere or warm. She couldn't help but wonder why.
"How are you, Haley?" Clay asked, breaking the awkward silence Haley wasn't even aware filled the space between them.
"I'm fine." She wasn't too sure whether it was proper etiquette to tell your ex-fiancé about your life.
He nodded. The awkward silence filled the air again.
After more meaningless exchanges were given, Clay excused himself to pick up a business call. Both Haley and Valeria saw him off and were left quiet and unsure of what to say.
"So have you and Clay pursued the surrogacy yet?" Haley asked.
Valeria looked confused. "How did you—"
"Oh! I assumed Clay had told you. I went with him to the agency to help him with the whole thing. I am…was a friend of his. I don't really know where we stand now. We haven't spoken in a while," Haley explained uncomfortably.
Valeria nodded, trying to understand. "He never told me. I mean, he's mentioned you a few times before."
Haley felt a bit uncomfortable. But she just had to ask. "Did he ever say anything else about me?" she inquired curiously.
"No." Haley could tell that Valeria was getting an uneasy feeling about him.
"Clay is…"
She wasn't sure if telling Valeria would be some kind of betrayal. She could always tell him that she just slipped up and didn't realize she didn't know. That would work, right?
"We were engaged. Obviously, we're not anymore. And I'm glad that he found you. We found you, I guess."
Valeria looked really taken aback and uneasy about this whole thing. "Engaged?"
"I swear, that's all in the past. I'm in a relationship. if that makes you feel better," Haley said, trying to soothe her. She picked up her drink.
She swore she heard Valeria breathe a small sigh of relief. "So you're in a relationship?" she asked for confirmation.
Haley nodded with a smile. "Yes, and I'm very happy. I know what you were thinking. Or at least, I think I do. And I'm happy for both of you," she answered with a sincere smile.
Valeria had to smile at that.
"Auntie Haley! Auntie Brooke!" Anna called from the living room as Haley and Brooke helped Peyton clean in the kitchen.
Peyton smiled at them. "You go. I can finish. It's just drying plates now," she insisted.
Haley and Brooke quickly went to the living room to see what was going on with Anna. She was playing with a few dolls she had gotten and the cute dollhouse Nathan had built for her. She was brushing the hair on one of her dolls.
"Anna? Did you want to tell us something?" Brooke asked as she scrutinized Nathan's work on the dollhouse.
She nodded. "I wanted to ask you something," she said before she put the doll in the dollhouse. She turned to face them. Haley had to stifle a laugh. She wondered if Anna took a page from Peyton's book on confrontations. She looked so much like her mother at this point. "Am I going to have any new cousins soon beside Jamie?" she asked, trying to contain her excitement.
Both Haley and Brooke were speechless. They didn't think Anna would ask a question like that. Peyton, sure, but…maybe Anna was borrowing a few pages from her mother's book.
"Why do you say that?"
Anna shrugged. "Mommy says that babies are born when a boy and a girl really like each other. And Auntie Haley and Uncle Nathan are always—"
"Anna!" Haley exclaimed. The little girl smiled mischievously.
Brooke looked at Haley with surprise. She couldn't believe what Anna was saying.
"And Mommy said that you really like Lucas, Auntie Brooke," Anna said.
Brooke nodded. "Your mommy is right; I do really like him, but usually a boy and a girl don't have a baby until they both know they're ready. Even if sometimes it's unexpected, like you. But you were the best surprise ever, right?" she asked.
Anna started laughing and she nodded. "Auntie Haley?"
She was still waiting for a well-thought-out explanation from Haley. Haley sighed. This girl had everyone wrapped around her little fingers.
"Well, Auntie Haley and Uncle Nathan just aren't ready to have a baby yet. And besides, we get to spoil you and Jamie for now, until we do have a baby of our own," Haley explained before giving Anna hug. Anna hugged her back.
The next Saturday morning, Haley was lying in bed, thinking. It was like she couldn't stop thinking about what Anna had said for the entire week. And she still couldn't get it off her mind.
"Hales? Are you up?" Nathan asked quietly as he walked into their bedroom with two cups of coffee.
Haley sat up and yawned. Nathan brought the coffee over to her. She took a sip and placed it back on the coffee table. "Wow, I seem to have rubbed off on you. Your coffee is strong like mine," she commented with a smile. She looked at his cup and was shocked. "And you don't use any cream or sugar anymore?"
He shrugged. "What can I say? You've changed me," he joked before putting it down.
She laughed. "Come here, you sap," she teased. She settled into his arms and sighed. "You know when we were at Peyton's and Jake's house for Anna? And Brooke and I helped Peyton clean up after?"
"Yeah…?" he answered cautiously.
"Anna wanted to talk to me and Brooke afterwards and you'll never guess what she wanted to talk about."
"What did she say?" he asked curiously.
She began to laugh a little when she thought about it. "She…she asked me when she was going to have a cousin. And then she asked if you and I were going to have a child soon."
"And what did you say?"
"I said that we weren't ready to have a baby yet, so we would spoil her and Jamie for the time being," she answered.
Before he could reply, it was brought to their attention that Bella had found her way onto their bed. She began to nudge Nathan. Haley picked her up and began to pet her while holding her like a baby.
"She's and Jamie are the only babies I'm ready to have at the moment," she told him before kissing Bella lightly on the head. Bella rubbed up against Haley in response. Besides We're going to pick him up, take care of him, and then give him up to his forever home," she assured him.
He raised an eyebrow. "Forever home?"
"That's what they call it, Nathan," she told him.
"Okay," he said with a small laugh.
She rolled her eyes. "You're very mature," she replied sarcastically before getting up with Bella and putting her down on the floor. Bella trotted into the closet.
"What? Did I make you both mad?"
"So did you tell Jake yet?" Rachel asked over the phone as Peyton prepared to brush Anna's hair.
Peyton sighed. "Rachel—"
"Peyton! You have to tell him! I know my own husband and he would be pissed if I went to see my ex-boyfriend without telling him. He'd be even more pissed if I didn't tell him right away."
"Well, Jake is not Dean, Rachel."
"Alright, maybe not. It doesn't make it right for you to keep it from him," she scolded.
"I'll tell him, Rachel! But it's not a big deal. I don't know why you're freaking out. It's not like he's actively pursuing me or anything," Peyton insisted.
Rachel scoffed. "Yeah, you say that now…" she murmured.
"Bye," Peyton muttered before hanging up the phone. She was more than annoyed.
"So what was the deal with Peyton and Jake?" Nathan asked as he cleaned the dishes whilst Haley poked her finger around Bella.
Haley shrugged. "Nothing much. He was just telling me about it…things with him and Peyton and Anna."
Nathan stopped. Haley noticed and turned to him. "Are they having any…problems?" he inquired timidly.
"What? No! No," she insisted. "He's just…a bit…upset that he's not around more often. He misses when Anna was a baby and he was around a lot more often. And he said that Peyton's okay with it, but he doesn't feel the same…" she trailed off. She hoped he didn't mention it to Jake; that was a totally made-up story.
"Jake's a good father," Nathan commented quietly. "Anna loves him a lot."
"Yeah, well…everyone is their own worst critic."
With that, Haley picked up Bella and brought her upstairs. Bella began to whine.
Back downstairs, Nathan wondered what was going on with Haley. That was quite an unusual scene.
Brooke looked up from her lazy position on the couch to the door as soon as she heard it open. Nathan walked through.
"Hey, roomie," she greeted him.
He put down his keys before taking in her new nickname for him. "Roomie?"
She turned another page of the fashion magazine she was reading. "Yup. Did your girlfriend tell you? I'm staying in the guest room until Bella births or queens or has her baby or whatever you wanna call it," she said before taking a sip of the lemonade she had beside her. "Now I can make sure all your shirts complement your eyes."
The smirk on the brunette's lips didn't sit that well with him. "She really told you that?"
Brooke bit her lip to keep from bursting into laughter. His expression was just too priceless.
"I'm going to be a widower and we haven't even been married...," he decided. "I'll be a black widower."
She shook her head. "No, no. You can't just go makeup idioms yourself. It doesn't work like that. Listen, Haley is the book brains, I am the street brains, and you're just here to look pretty; hence, I make you look especially pretty by choosing a nice shirt for you to wear."
He didn't look too amused. "Okay, where is she?"
"She said she had to meet with someone…parent? I don't know."
"Brooke, she's a college student. I'm pretty sure they don't still have parent-teacher conferences in college."
She rolled her eyes slightly. "Fine. Maybe she's tutoring someone. I forget, okay? Maybe she's having a meeting with the person who's in charge of whatever she does. What does she do anyway?" she inquired.
"Brooke, she…"
But after taking a look in Brooke's icy, confused eyes, he decided to give up. "I'm going to take a shower," he announced.
"I hope you have fun! I'll be here when you need to get dressed!"
"Help me bring the rest of the stuff in? It's on the front porch, B."
Brooke got up quickly and slipped on her heels.
"Are you really wearing four-inch heels to go outside to get groceries?" Haley questioned as she put the four or five bags she had on the counter.
"Hey, these heels are cute, they go with my outfit, and the porch is wet from the rain yesterday! And besides, what if some cute new neighbour or something passes by? I want to look my best!" she explained as she put her feet in those painful-looking, but still pretty heels.
Haley furrowed her eyebrows. "Hey, what about Lucas?"
Hesitantly, Brooke shrugged. "Alright, so I'm off the market, but that doesn't mean I can't tease. Gee, Hales. I really can't figure out how you've been engaged without even figuring this out. This is like Flirting 101," Brooke replied as-a-matter-of-factly.
"Sorry. I was probably better in college and when I was flirting with Nathan, I didn't even realize it. Evidently," she faux-apologized.
Once the groceries were all in the house and put away, Haley turned to Brooke. "Okay, so two options. Either you invite Lucas over and we have like a double-date night or whatever or you go and visit him or Rachel or Peyton and Jake and Anna because I will not have you third-wheel. I personally know how painfully awkward that is," Haley proposed.
Brooke crossed her arms. "Depends. If I go, are you going to make this into an overnight thing? And if I stay, are you still going to make this into an overnight thing?"
Haley raised an eyebrow.
"Are you two going to…do stuff later or what? And if I stay here, is it going to interfere with my sleep? Because I need it."
Haley was silent for a few seconds. "I don't know."
"Okay, enough said. I'm leaving. I'd be happy to help you cook, though. Or bake. Ooh, I actually prefer baking. I beat you at baking a cake for Anna."
Haley arched her eyebrow again. "What?"
"Anna liked my cake better," Brooke sing-songed teasingly. "And so did Peyton. Mine was better."
The blonde narrowed her eyes. But then she smiled. "So I guess it wouldn't matter that you now bake for everything, right?"
Brooke opened her mouth to reply, but then she clamped it shut again. "How is it that you, Haley James, always manage to win?"
Haley had a sly little smile on her lips. "Because it's in my DNA," she replied.
In the hall, Peyton and Jake were waiting for Rachel and Dean to resolve whichever issue they were discussing.
"Have you spoken to Brooke?" Jake asked.
Peyton looked over at him and realized for the first time that he looked nervous. "What was the deal with you and Haley when Nathan and I came over for your birthday?" she inquired.
"We were just talking about…the situation."
Of course, Peyton knew the whole story about the situation. It made her sad. She was glad her mother loved him so much and was so close to him since she knew Jason was not that close with his own mother.
"What did you tell her?" she asked hesitantly.
He shrugged. "I told him that I found out."
Her eyes widened. "And did you tell her who told you?"
Haley fixed the bunch of fresh, pristine, beautiful red roses she had gotten from the florist. They looked perfect on the table. At times like these, she was quite grateful for her OCD. The table looked gorgeous for a romantic dinner—if she did say so herself.
Just as she was taking the time to admire her work, her phone began to ring. She was quite surprised to see that it was Clay. She answered the phone quickly. She couldn't lie; it was mostly out of curiosity.
"Hello? Clay?"
"Haley!"
She could sense the excitement in his voice. "What happened? Why are you so excited? What do you want now?" she asked as she took a seat on the stool at the island in the kitchen.
"I was just calling to tell you some good news," he answered cryptically.
She sighed. "Alright, so I got that by now. What's the good news? Just tell me!" she demanded.
"Valeria is pregnant."
Haley was silent for a moment as she tried to process it. Then, a smile crossed her face. "Really? So where does that leave the two of you? Because she's certainly not just a surrogate anymore…"
"Well," he began, "we're not entirely sure yet. I mean…we're not getting married, or anything like that, but…now that we're emotionally connected in a way, I guess, and we've kind of been seeing each other…I guess we're going to have the baby together," he explained.
She couldn't help but smile. "That's great, Clay. I'm really happy for you."
It was silent on the other end. "I'm really happy for you, too."
Something about those words coming from him made her so overjoyed. She was so happy to hear him say that.
Right behind her, the door opened. She realized it was Nathan.
"I have to go but thank you so much for calling me to tell me that. I'm really happy for you," she said before hanging up shortly afterwards.
She looked over to the doorway and saw Nathan walk in, just as she had expected. He looked pleasantly surprised and confused by the sight before him.
"What is this?"
"This," she began, "is my way of showing my appreciation for my boyfriend. Are you going to keep questioning it or are you going to hurry up and join me for dinner?"
Knock, knock, knock.
Haley wasn't quite sure how she mustered up the courage to come to Peyton's and Jake's house in the middle of the day.
A moment later, Peyton opened the door. She seemed to be half-paying attention, but when she turned to Haley, her smile faded.
"Are you really that unhappy to see me?"
Peyton just stepped aside to let Haley in the house. "We really need to talk, Peyton," Haley announced.
They walked into the living room of the house. Anna barely even took notice of Haley; she was too busy tumbling from the couch onto the carpet and playing with her little blocks and teddy bear.
"Peyton, what's going on? You can tell me. I just want to help. But I can't stand you and Jake not even being able to look me or my boyfriend in the eye," Haley told her.
Peyton was very quiet for a few moments. "I just…Jake's…he's been dealing with a lot and he doesn't want to talk about it," she disclosed.
"But then why are you icing me out?"
Peyton sighed. "I really don't feel comfortable talking about this." Haley gave Peyton a pleading look and she sighed before complying with her wants. "Jake heard from someone about the situation. I…I didn't know how to react. Jake feels awkward around both of you. He's close to both of you and he knows I'm close to you…he didn't want anyone really to find out about it because he's kind of ashamed.…"
"Why is that so concerning?"
"Well, …it's not unusual that he doesn't talk to them for a few months, but it's been a long time. It's been over a year now since they've heard and they're both worried something happened to him," Peyton explained.
At that moment, Anna scurried in. Interrupting the tense moment, she ran over to Haley. "Auntie! I missed you the most!"
"Wow. She doesn't even look that pregnant."
Haley gave Brooke a very skeptical look. "Really? She's not going to be offended if you say that she looks really pregnant. She's a cat," she informed Brooke.
"No, that's not it. When you told me she was pregnant, I just pictured her being like…really pregnant. But she kind of just looks like a fat cat," Brooke explained.
Haley rolled her eyes. "Excuse me. I didn't realize the distinction," she retorted.
"You don't need to be sarcastic all the time, Hales," Brooke fired back with a slight glare.
"Oh, but I do," Haley answered.
Brooke rolled her eyes at Haley. Haley's phone began to beep. It was a message from Taylor's husband. Haley's eyes widened when she saw the message.
"Oh my God!" she exclaimed with a slight smile.
Brooke didn't pick that up; she was alarmed. "What? What's wrong?"
"I'm…I'm an aunt. Taylor is in the hospital," Haley announced. "She just had her baby." She smiled. "I'm sorry, B. I know we made plans to hang out, but I need to go see her and my new niece now," she said.
Brooke nodded in agreement. "Of course."
"Oh, can you please stay with Bella? I don't really want to leave her alone and I don't know where Nathan is or when he's coming home," Haley added.
Brooke nodded, but Haley was already halfway out the door.
Haley walked down the sterile halls of the hospital in Tree Hill to find Taylor's room. She had been searching for five minutes and was ready to scream. She just wanted to find her sister and her new niece.
She finally found the room about a minute later. It was the room right next to the edge of the building.
She walked incautiously. Taylor was lying down in the hospital bed. Haley couldn't see her face, as she was turned towards the window, her back unknowingly towards Haley. She groaned with a bit of pain.
"Tay?" Haley asked cautiously.
She rolled over to see Haley. "Hey, Hales."
"Where's the baby?"
She groaned. "I don't know. The nurse told me she'd be back soon, but I don't know where they went. I…" she drifted off. She looked a bit odd.
A nurse walked in behind Haley. Haley turned to her. "Is there something wrong with my sister?"
The nurse bit her lip as she looked at Taylor. "It seems that she's having a rather…odd reaction to the epidural the doctors gave her. We needed to do an emergency C-section anyway, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone act like this."
"So…where is her daughter?"
"All the doctors and nurses are still giving her vaccinations and getting her cleaned up. She was only born about…forty-five minutes ago? Usually, it doesn't take this long, but the hospital is oddly crowded with expecting parents," she explained before walking over to Taylor. She took her blood pressure again before walking out of the room.
Haley walked over cautiously to Taylor's bed. "Hey. How do you feel?"
Taylor shrugged. She looked kind of tired and maybe even sad. "I just want to see my baby," she whined quietly.
"Yeah, I know, but the nurses are going to bring her in soon," Haley promised her. She was trying to placate her sister, but…Taylor already looked pretty subdued.
"Nathan…she's just about the cutest little girl I think I ever saw. Her name is Riley and she has these really pretty, sapphire-coloured eyes. And she's so good! I don't remember her crying at all yesterday. She just slept for most of the time I was there," Haley explained as they walked into the hospital.
"Were you the only one there yesterday?" he inquired.
"Hmm…well, her husband came to see them and he stayed for like two or three hours, but he had to leave for this really important work meeting. My mother came because my father is in New York. She was there for probably two hours. I think other than that, though, I was the only one," she explained as she pressed the elevator button.
He nodded in response before stepping onto the empty elevator with her.
"She's so sweet. I think you'll love each other," Haley said sweetly.
"It almost doesn't feel real that I'm her uncle now. Since we're dating," he teased.
"Say it again?
"We're dating," he repeated. It sounded so mellifluous to her ears.
She was about to kiss him before the door opened up and two nurses walked into the elevator with them. Instead, she took his hand and smiled at him.
When their floor came up, they quickly exited the elevator. As soon as the door closed, she gave him a small kiss on the cheek.
"Come on. Their room is this way."
When they walked into the room, Taylor was sitting up on the bed with her legs crossed. She had one hand on her daughter. Riley was sleeping. She was swaddled in a peach-coloured blanket and a rose-coloured hat.
Taylor looked over at them and smiled. "Hey!" she greeted happily.
"You look especially happy today. Yesterday, you looked kind of like you were on drugs or something. You were completely out of it," Haley commented as she hugged her sister hello.
"I was. Hi, Nathan," she said with a smile. "And of course, I'm happy. I can finally see my legs and touch my feet for the first time in about three months."
Haley smiled before going to look at Riley.
"She's beautiful," Nathan commented.
"Thank you," Taylor answered proudly. She watched as the two of them looked at their newborn niece. "I actually…I wanted to know if you would be her godparents."
The room was dead silent for a second before they both looked up with excitement in their eyes. "Really?" Haley asked.
Taylor nodded. "I mean…her dad wanted his sister to be the godmother, but she lives so far away…and you're my favourite sib—" She quickly stopped and her face got a little paler. "You're my favourite sister," she amended, without Haley ever noticing that she even slipped up. "I know that you'd take such great care of her. Both of you."
Haley's fingers eventually found Nathan's hand and they gave it a small squeeze. She wanted this. He nodded.
But he looked at Nathan. What was she just about to say?
Bella was lying down on Nathan's stomach as Haley changed into her pyjamas.
"I can't believe we're godparents. I mean…I can't believe I'm an aunt! And Nathan, I—"
"Yes, Hales, I know; you're talking at a million miles a minute," he teased.
She scoffed as she turned the light off in their closet and got into bed with him. Bella immediately moved in between them.
"Sorry, Bella. I need to scold your dad right now," Haley said before picking her up and putting her on the ground. She meowed in annoyance before running off to the pile of Nathan's sweatshirts that became her bed.
"Really, Haley?"
She gave him a very annoyed look.
"Okay, I'm sorry. I know. Sarcasm and teasing is your thing, right?"
"Yes, and the sooner you learn that, the better," she told him before cuddling his side. He put his arm around her. "Okay, sorry. I overreacted," she apologized quickly. "But really, I hate it when anyone uses sarcasm. Aside from myself, of course."
"Yes, I can tell," he said before giving her a little kiss on the head. "And by the way, if she's anything like her mother, Bella is going to be very annoyed with you for the next week or so. I've heard that James's can hold a grudge."
"And who did you hear that from?"
"Her best friend who likes to go by Brooke Davis," he blurted.
She shook her head. "I could kill that girl..."
"No, Hales. Don't kill her. I need someone to tell me which shade of blue goes best with my eyes."
Haley tried to suppress her laughter, but she couldn't hold it at all. She burst out in laughter. "You didn't just say that! Nathan—"
"You're going to hold this over my head for the next five years, aren't you?" he inquired bleakly.
She nodded before kissing him on the cheek and turning off the lamp beside her. "Love you, too."
"Brooke, you're stealing all my lines!" Peyton complained in half a laugh before spooning Chinese into her mouth.
"I want to reassign roles," her friend complained, frowning into her chicken.
Peyton laughed. "We agreed. If you get to be Rapunzel I get to be Ariel, the fair is fair," she insisted.
"Fine. Flynn is much hotter than Eric anyways," Brooke countered and stuck her tongue out.
"I think you mean Eugene," Peyton replied with a smirk.
"Shut. Up," said with her eyes dark. "I just can't imagine moaning Eugene, okay?"
Peyton chuckled. "Lucas' middle name is Eugene ya know? Think of it as 'Euuuu-GENE,'" she mocked.
"Say it with me, 'Flynnnn,'" she said in a sultry voice.
"'Er-IC!'" Peyton responded.
"Do you always yell out the last syllable like this?" Brooke asked, genuinely curious.
Peyton shrugged, twirling her Lo Mein with the plastic fork. "Depends on the orgasm," she sighed.
"Missing orgasms, eh?" Brooke questioned, her eyebrows bouncing. "I would too. I mean Lucas and I go at it, like, all the time. When he finally cut his hair and grew some scruff, damn."
"Brooke, he did that like over a year ago," Peyton reminded her, chuckling.
Brooke nodded. "And it's still fucking hot, alright?"
Peyton shook her head at the brunette. She did miss sex and orgasms and intimacy and everything. The only people she had ever been with were Jake and Lucas and she prided herself in that, so even though she had options they weren't anything she wanted to explore. Sex was always more with Jake; she couldn't imagine hooking up with just anyone. It was more intimate to her than that.
"Have you talked to him since?" Brooke asked Peyton a few silent moments later.
It was Disney night so Lucas obviously wasn't invited. Although if he had joined Peyton had no doubt he would sing 'I Can See the Light' with Brooke and anything else requested. He was well versed in his Disney duets. You couldn't be dating Brooke and not be. Or any of the four of them for that matter. Disney nights were something they had done all throughout their friendship.
Peyton shook her head again. "No. I've been busy with work and I don't know, everything else," she answered.
She told her friend what had happened that night eight days ago leaving out the kiss for Brooke's sake. The intimacy she felt with him she had left out. That was just something she wanted to keep to herself.
People underestimate the power of an apology. She had been so mad at him, was still mad at him, along with angry, upset, disappointed, hurt, heartbroken... the list could go on with all the emotions that swirled through her at the thought of Lucas Scott. But his apology meant something to her—she didn't think that something as simple as a sincere apology would help, but it did.
Her friends had been supportive, Brooke the most with Haley the least and Rachel somewhere in the middle. In the end, they promised they would stand behind her and were there if she needed to talk.
Jake had taken it bad enough. Every time they talked he asked about his fiancée and commented on how he wished he could 'teach him a lesson' or something manly of the sort.
Besides, Peyton was still newly engaged and didn't want to start a fight about stealing her thunder by dropping the news about Lucas. That was the last thing she needed. Peyton was already planning and her mother was right on board. Her parents weren't on board with her engagement but eventually had accepted it.
"You're allowed to want to talk to him you know," Haley said in a small voice over the phone to Peyton. Brooke wasn't there as she was in the bathroom.
Peyton shook her head. "It's the fact that I do want him that almost sickens me," she admitted. "I want to sing 'A Whole New World' with him. I want to eat Chinese food with him and hear him complain that I'm not doing it right because I'm not using chopsticks. I want to come home to him playing the guitar," she sniffled. "I want him back and I feel so shitty because of it."
"Peyton," Haley sighed and told her. "Look, I agreed to stand behind you no matter what and that is exactly what I plan on doing. Am I iffy about the situation? one hundred percent, only because I don't want to see Brooke or you get hurt by Lucas. But I will still have your back if you decide to take him back or want to ransack his apartment and set his truck on fire," she promised.
Peyton laughed, wiping her tears. "I think I'd get kicked off the bar for that," she said.
"Not if you aren't in on it," Haley replied. "I know you him want him back, to want all of it back, but that isn't something you can decide until you know tell Brooke about the situation. You can't leave her hanging Peyton. She deserves to know the truth. So until then, I'm a sorry girl, but you're in limbo."
She nodded. "I know. I just wish there was a guide book for this stuff."
"I'm not so sure that would be a best-seller but if anyone can make it work you can," Haley insisted, making Peyton laugh again. "Now, come on, go back to singing 'Poor Unfortunate Souls' with Brooke. Ursula was one badass beeyotch."
The following weekend was a light one. Peyton threw herself into work after Lucas dropped the honesty bomb she was ahead and feeling more prepared than ever.
But with work under control, her apartment almost too clean, her friends busy, and personally worried about working out too much she was left with nothing to do.
The extra time in her hands left her at Karen's Café, trying not to think about Lucas. She hadn't seen him since that day over a week ago. He had just signed onto the project so she assumed he was busy with that.
Whether it was a good or bad thing she didn't know. Haley was right, she was in limbo and she hated it, but she also didn't want it to end either. She did want him back, want what they had back, but knowing the truth and handling the truth were two different things.
Not knowing she could pretend somehow she could take him back after everything and have a full, wonderful life again with Lucas.
Knowing and not being able to forgive him would leave her at square one all over again and she knew she would not be able to handle being left all over again. Even if he did promise to fight for her it would feel like him leaving all over again, she knew it.
That kind of love wasn't just something you got over or left behind if it was an option again, not unless it was toxic or something else of the sort. And she didn't know if it was toxic yet, that wasn't something she could judge until she knew everything.
So when she sat in Karen's Café working and saw Lucas coming down the steps from the loft she didn't know how to react.
He was staying in the loft? She hadn't known that. How could he stay there after everything? It took her almost six months to be able to even come to Karen's Café for coffee and he was living back in the loft again? She hadn't been able to even set foot in there.
She avoided eye contact by looking down at her book.
"50 Shades of Grey?" a voice questioned from above her.
Peyton looked up and rolled her lips together, trying to hold back a laugh. "Really?"
Lucas grinned and sat down on the armchair catty-corner to her on the couch. "It was just a guess," he replied, chuckling a little as he did.
"Little Women, actually," she informed him, reaching for her coffee cup.
"I've been rereading Fitzgerald myself," he responded.
Lucas couldn't help but smile. "You always were a sucker for him," she commented.
"One of my non-guilty pleasures," he told her, his blue eyes shining. "That was one of the many great things you did for me, expand my literary pallet," he went on.
"In more than one language," she couldn't help but agree.
"I still think The Catcher and the Rye is better in English," he mentioned.
"And I still hate subtitles," Peyton insisted.
"Okay, that's not fair. Noir doesn't have to be in subtitles, just most of the ones I made you watch were. It is one of the great genres, okay?" he responded sternly.
"That was not the only genre you made me watch in a different language! There were countless! I mean, Eisenstein, Godard-"
"You can't just list them off like that! They are some of the best directors in the business." Lucas cut her off. "I mean, the Odessa steps scene is legendary and even you admitted to liking Breathless," he reminded her. "Besides, if it was in French you understood it."
"Yeah, but you can't help but read the subtitles if they are there!" she exclaimed. "But I still hated the girls in Godard's films, in Breathless and Contempt."
Lucas nodded. "I'll give you that, but they had their reasons for doing the things they did," he mumbled.
"I loved the screwball movies though," she murmured.
He chuckled. "You did pee yourself during Bringing Up Baby," he said.
"We agreed to never tell anyone about that!" she warned, trying to stop herself from laughing.
"I haven't, you knew about it, therefore, I could bring it up," Lucas insisted. "What's Up Doc? was a whole different story," he added, grinning at her.
Peyton smiled back at him, unable to help herself.
Not many knew Lucas was a film junkie and once they'd gotten together and Peyton had told him she wasn't the biggest movie person he'd been left agape. So they'd made a deal if he read books suggested by her she'd watch movies chosen by him and with him. They'd gone through countless genres over the years, noir, screwball, classics, and you couldn't forget Georges Méliès who was the driving force of early cinema. He made her watch A Trip to the Moon and Hugo probably ten times altogether.
It had been worth it. Most of the movies she enjoyed and she also enjoyed having literary spats with him about the likes of The Great Gatsby, The Road, The Grapes of Wrath, and countless other novels. She also got him to sit through the Vagina Monologues in Phili one year. He admitted to enjoying it.
It was one of the many things she loved about their relationship, how they taught each other things and brightened the other's horizons. He challenged her in other ways.
So even though she was mad at Lucas and there was so much unspoken between them she couldn't help but close her book and sit up before asking "Seen any good movies lately?"
It was unknown to her how long it had been or how it had happened but she and Lucas had slipped into an effortless conversation like they always did. They'd even ended up on the couch together with an assortment of treats and coffee to share between them.
"That is a lie!" she yelled indignantly, a pout on her face.
Lucas grinned into his coffee cup. "Believe what you want," he mumbled.
"No! I never stood on the table and sang 'Party in the USA'!" she insisted.
"Peyton, I clearly remember-"
"No! I didn't sing 'Party in the USA' on my eighteenth birthday. I sang 'The Climb,'" she corrected him. "A much better song, do not argue with me on that part either," she went on laughing.
Lucas nodded. "Okay fine, either way, you sang a Miley Cyrus song," he reminded her.
"Alright, on your birthday you stood on the roof of your truck and sang 'You Are So Beautiful' to me," she told him with a pointed look, ignoring the intimacy of the topic as they had been doing all night.
"A much better song than either of the songs you did or did not sing," he replied without missing a beat.
"Yeah, well then you fell off the roof and got a concussion," she finished the story. "All I did was lose my dignity."
Lucas's chest jumped up and down as he laughed heartily. "Hey, I had fun staying up all night with you," he said.
"You had fun!? I was worried sick. Every time you closed your eyes I thought you were going to slip into a coma. It was horrible," she chuckled about it now. "And Nathan wasn't any help insisting you drink more," she muttered.
"You have got to let that go. It was my eighteenth birthday, what was I supposed to do?" he questioned.
"Um, placate your worrywart girlfriend?" she responded.
He smiled. "I was under the influence. I've said I'm sorry like a hundred times. So here's one more. I'm sorry," he apologized while looking her in the eye.
She knew he was saying sorry for more than his birthday all those years ago. He was once again saying sorry for what he did almost three years ago now.
In an instant, the mood had changed from talking film and literature and bouts of nostalgia to something much more serious.
"I know," she whispered, unable to look away from his eyes. "But it- it's not that easy," she said in a barely audible tone.
Lucas put his coffee down and nodded. "I know. I've never been sorrier in my life, regretted anything more."
"Concussions are more common for you if you've had them before," she mentioned. "And you're more prone to headaches and-"
"Peyt," Lucas cut her off in a low tone. "You don't have to list off the side effects of concussions if you want to change the subject. Just... start talking about something else," he offered.
She looked down, breaking the trance his eyes often had on her. "I-I want to pretend like," she stopped. "It was so nice just-"
"Peyton, that night happened," Lucas stated, lifting her chin so she had to look at him. It reminded her of six days ago when he did the same thing. "We can sit here and reminisce all we want, but that night is not something we can choose to forget, even if we both wish we could."
Without thinking she grabbed the fingers under her chin and moved his hand to cup her cheek. "I'm sorry."
"Peyton, do not apologize to me," he said in a hard tone, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. "I'd be so glad if you could forgive me," he began a few moments later when her eyes watered. "But what I want, and what is all too selfish of me, is for you to forget."
She sniffled and cupped his face with her free hand, loving the feel of him too much. It was the first sober touch that she had whole-heartedly welcomed and so she relished in it.
"I want to forget too," she murmured.
"But you can't, neither of us can," he matched her voice. "I don't know what I thought when I came back here. I thought that you'd see me and some sort of amnesia would come over you and that night would be wiped just because I got the guts to come back," he admitted childishly.
"I'd rather have amnesia than a concussion," she teased and he chuckled.
He smiled. "I don't know, I remember my birthday very well despite the alcohol and head injury," he said. "I remember lying in the back of my truck with my head in your lap looking at the stars," he went on. "Your fingers running through my hair as you kept me talking so I wouldn't fall asleep."
"It was a great birthday," she chuckled, blinking away the tears.
"Does this mean you're over me drinking after getting the concussion?" he asked, his eyes suddenly bright.
Peyton couldn't help but bust out laughing. She laughed so hard she doubled over; not caring that her face was near Lucas's crotch and it should have been awkward. She laughed so hard that Lucas started laughing with her.
It must have been five minutes that they were laughing because her stomach started to hurt which only caused her to laugh more. Different kinds of tears filled her eyes and she wiped them as she began to calm down.
"Yes, Luke, I think I can manage to forgive you for getting a concussion on your birthday," she finally answered him.
Lucas was still chuckling a little bit. "Ah, what a great day," he sighed.
"I'm really having fun tonight," she admitted, smiling as she looked at him.
He picked up a muffin and handed it to her. "Me too. Now tell me what it's like to finally to own a record label," he insisted, picking at the top of her muffin-like he used to before.
Peyton tore a piece off and held it up. "I tell you about being to be apart of the music industry if you tell me about being a fancy-schmancy author, deal?" she compromised before throwing the piece into his mouth.
As always Lucas caught it. "Deal, but you only get to ask a question every time you catch one," he replied, ripping his own piece off and tossed it back at her.
It bounced off her nose. "Not fair! You suck at throwing!" she accused.
"No, you suck at catching it. I am good at both throwing and catching," he corrected her with a smirk.
"Not true! Your theory has not been tested so you cannot make such statements," she responded with her arms crossed.
Lucas shook his head at her. "How am I supposed to argue with you now? It's your profession!" he whined.
Peyton smiled and sat up excitedly. "Yep, so you better pick your battles wisely," she warned.
"Noted," he said. "So, I get the first question. I already caught one. Tell me about working for a non-profit, it seems really interesting."
Only Lucas would want to hear about the inner workings of the non-profit firm. It was mostly paperwork she learned during her many internships and usually, her friends listened to her stories but were never really all that interested, not that she minded. She knew parts of her job were boring, but she liked it anyway. And it was nice to have someone to gush to about it, even the boring parts.
They traded question for question. She learned about his schooling and the people he'd worked within New York, how much he loved designing houses and other types of structures. Bridges were something he had trouble with, but he still enjoyed it. His specialty was the houses; he liked thinking of who was going to live in it and having meetings with whoever wanted their house designed. He graduated at the top of his class and took summer courses so it would only take him the two years.
Although she was unsure of how he would take it she told him how she graduated a semester late because of how hard it was to focus on school after he left. Of course, she added how she passed the bar with flying colours. He learned about how her family was disappointed with her decision to not join the family practice and rolled his eyes at it. She liked that and told him the story about her first time in front of a judge sitting the first chair to lighten the mood—it was a story she was embarrassed about and Andrew had to step in and help because she almost fainted.
They'd managed to avoid the elephant in the room and she'd been grateful. She knew if she asked too much about why he left he'd tell her, after all, they were being honest now, but she still wasn't ready.
It was like she'd gotten a part of him back, her best friend, and she wasn't ready to have that tainted just yet, especially since it felt like it was going to happen soon.
"Thanks for walking me home even though it was only a few blocks and you were already home," she said again as they stood out front of her apartment building.
"Well, Tree Hill just has such a high crime rate, ya know," he joked.
"Oh yeah the body count is going up each year," she continued.
Lucas smiled. "It was the gentlemanly thing to do," he insisted.
She ducked her head. He always was a gentleman. Without a chance to talk herself out of it she reached forward and hugged him. "It was nice today," she whispered into his shoulder.
He buried his head in her neck like he always used to. "It was."
"I lo-" she started to say, but stopped herself. She quickly pulled away, silently cursing herself. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean- well, I did mean, but I didn't mean and," she began to ramble fervently.
"Peyton," Lucas cut her off. "Don't worry about it," he assured her.
She couldn't look him in the eye. She almost told him she loved him. How stupid was she? It would have been true, but it was not something they should be saying at all to each other. There was still too much unknown and she hated it. Stupid fuckin' limbo.
"I'm sorry," she repeated, staring at the ground.
"Hey," he said, lifting her chin to look at him once again. He kept doing that and it kept having too much of an effect on her. "I wanted to say it first anyway," he murmured.
Her eyes widened as she had about Deja vu. That was what she had said when they first said 'I love you' to one another.
For some time she just looked up at him. They had just said they loved each other without saying the words she and was torn between crying and wanting to rip his clothes off.
"I-I think you should come inside," she finally whispered.
Lucas nodded. "Whatever you want, Peyton."
She'd unlocked the building door and he silently followed her up the steps to her second-floor apartment.
"Nice place," he commented, probably to fill the awkward silence once they'd actually gotten inside the space.
Peyton just turned around to face him. "I can't do this anymore, Luke," she stated. He looked at her worried and confused and about a million other emotions. "Live in limbo. I need to know why you want me. I need to know what caused you to throw away your future with Brooke."
He nodded again. "I told you I would tell you when you were ready," he agreed. "Do you want to sit?" he asked.
"No. I want to know. Just tell me," she almost pleaded, her eyes already watering.
Okay, I got a lot of backlash last chapter with people leaving me reviews that they were done with this story, that I played them by using BL as a trigger etc. I just want to make this clear, I have stated numerous times that they will be a love triangle involved with this story, that Lucas and Peyton, are gonna start having an affair behind Jake and Brooke's back. Ultimately, it's not enough though, because Lucas realizes he has been and will always be in love with Brooke, and his feelings for Peyton was just lust. I don't understand why people are upset at me for doing this even though I mentioned in the first two chapters. I understand people's frustrations but to say I am leading you guys on, that I'm doing the brucas fans dirty, 'insulting your intelligence', my 'story is a fraud' or just insulting me is just ridiculous to me. It saddens me that people think I've chosen to do any of those things. I really did not think I would have received the backlash I got in the last chapter. I thought people would have understood the direction I was taking the story in and would be okay with there being Leyton centric storylines. I WILL STATE HERE AND NOW THAT BRUCAS IS ENDGAME that is the goal in this story. I understand moving forward if people choose not to read this story anymore, but please refrain from leaving nasty comments. I am sorry to those I hurt with this love-triangle situation that was not my intention at all. I knew the love triangle would make for a good story, but I sincerely apologize to those I have hurt or have felt lead on. Moving forward, I promise to be clearer about the situations/conflicts I use in my story.
Another issue I would like to address even though I already have is talked about this is for the umpteenth time but I HAVE NOT STOLEN ANYONE ELSE'S WORK! ALL OF THE CHAPTERS ARE WRITTEN BY ME. THEY ARE SOME STORYLINES THAT HAVE BEEN BORROWED FROM THE SHOW, WITH CHARACTER'S NAME'S CHANGED TO FIX IN THE CONTEXT OF THIS STORY! HOWEVER, ALL OTHER WORK PRESENTED IN THIS STORY IS MINE. ANYTHING SIMILAR IS PURELY CONCIDENTIAL. I am sick of having to address this issue in every chapter. I really don't know how to tell you guys over and over again that this is my work. I have not plagiarised from anyone. To call me or my story a fraud is just mean.
I don't have time nor the energy to answer the reviews as they mainly centre around the above mentioned comment.
Let me know what you thought of this chapter! The Jeyton wedding will be next chapter!
With that being said, I don't know when I'll update next, but hopefully, it is soon!
Thanks for reading! Until next time! ~Sidney