"Marnie, it's time for supper," I heard Mrs. Weasley calling up the stairs.
She already called everyone else several minutes ago, but I still hadn't left my bedroom. Well, it wasn't really my bedroom but the one I shared with Ginny and Hermione.
I only got the chance to return to our cottage for about a week after the end of term before dad moved us here to number 12 Grimmauld Place in London.
I moved off the window sill where I was sitting and crossed the room to open the door. Before I got there I heard someone knocking from the other side. I opened it to see Sirius standing there waiting for me. Sirius was the only one I really talked to over the past month, aside from Fred and George.
"Can I have a word?" Sirius asked, looking at me with concern.
He never hid how worried he was over me since Cedric died. But I also knew he was disappointed with me that I wasn't keeping in touch with Harry.
"You know, if you don't start eating regularly you'll be thinner than I am," Sirius said as I allowed him to enter the room.
I sat on the bed and he took a seat beside me.
I didn't respond to his comment but had noticed Sirius was gaining weight by eating Mrs. Weasley's three square meals a day.
"Did dad ask you to check on me again?" I asked.
I hadn't been able to really confide in my dad about my feelings over losing Cedric. It seemed silly, but I had spent my entire life protecting my father from my feelings over my mother and now I couldn't talk to him about losing someone else that I loved.
"Joss always asks me to check on you, but that's not really why I'm here," Sirius replied honestly.
"Is it about Harry?" I asked, hoping for another detail on his well-being despite any reprimanding I might get from Sirius.
Sirius and the others thought it was odd and probably a little cruel that I wasn't sending letters to Harry to check on him. By now I knew what happened through Hermione and Ron. I knew Harry witnessed everything and wasn't able to prevent Cedric from being murdered by Voldemort. Knowing Harry, I also figured he was probably feeling guilty and conflicted about the whole incident. I didn't blame him at all, but I felt like my whole involvement as Cedric's girlfriend would only add more stress and guilt to the situation. I knew Ron and Hermione were also giving him updates about me in their letters, so I felt that was enough for now.
"Dumbledore still thinks it's best for him to stay with Lily's wretched sister, but we are finally talking about bringing him here soon," Sirius stated with a small smile.
I knew it was driving Sirius mad that he wasn't able to see Harry and help him through this. Dumbledore had let Sirius into the castle on the day Cedric died to see Harry to ensure he was alright with my father there as well. Dad and Sirius had stayed with Harry long into the evening. But I never saw Sirius until arriving at Grimmauld Place. Instead Mrs. Weasley had stayed with me before tucking me into bed when I finally passed out from crying.
Dumbledore held a sort of memorial at the end of the school year for Cedric and ended up telling everyone that Voldemort was back. I knew a lot of students didn't believe him and now Cornelius Fudge was doing everything in his power as Minster for Magic to make Harry and Dumbledore out as frauds.
I also remember noticing Flint and Malfoy refusing to stand in respect for Cedric, probably because their parents helped bring Voldemort back.
I nodded at Sirius and tried for a small smile that I knew didn't look completely genuine.
"You know he's not angry with you, right?" Sirius asked, knowing why I was stubbornly avoiding writing to Harry.
"Maybe not, but I'm an awful reminder," I replied with my fists balled up in my lap.
"That's not true, you're his sister. You two need to help each other through this," he continued sincerely.
Sirius and I had this conversation every few days and my response never changed. But before I could give him my usual response there was another knock at the door. I looked up to see Fred standing in the doorway.
"Mum sent me to get you two," he explained, looking at me with his own expression of concern.
It was safe to say that Fred and I had reconciled our differences. We hadn't actually discussed our original fight, but I figured it was irrelevant at this point. Instead, him and George hardly ever left my side or let me grieve alone. It seemed whenever I would find myself alone, I usually broke down. But Fred always came to find me, pulling me into his arms until I finished crying. I tried to hide my actual breakdowns from everyone since I knew it only upset them further. Mrs. Weasley would usually breakdown herself and fuss over me. My dad and Remus always looked overwhelmed, not really knowing how to help their grieving daughter over the sudden death of her first love. Sirius reacted similarly to Fred and would often come and check on me throughout the day. If he found me crying though I started noticing he would go and find one of the twins. It seemed no one wanted to see me cry. Hermione and Ginny were more comforting, especially whenever I woke up crying in the middle of the night. I often dreamt about Cedric so Ginny would crawl into bed with me whenever this happened. She would lull me to sleep by running her hand through my hair. I knew that she and the twins were waiting for me to confide in them, but I wasn't ready yet. I still hadn't really talked about Cedric to anyone over the last month since I didn't really know what to say. From what I heard, Cedric was killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and there was nothing anyone could have done. Because of one wrong move I would never see him again.
"Alright, we're coming," I replied before getting up to follow Fred out of the room.
None of us said anything on our way to the kitchen on the main level.
"Wotcher Marnie," I heard as I entered the room.
I looked over to see Nymphadora Tonks, a member of the Order of the Phoenix. After the night Cedric died Dumbledore immediately set out to reinstate the Order. Nymphadora, or Tonks as she liked to go by, was a frequent guest at Grimmauld Place when she wasn't doing any errands for Dumbledore. I knew the Order was rotating shifts watching Harry, but other than that there wasn't much more that I knew. Technically I was of age which only fueled my argument to become an official member, but my dad argued that I still had another year left at school. When we first arrived to Grimmauld Place I actually argued with my dad on the matter. It was probably the first time I had ever yelled at him like that but I just felt so useless not doing anything in the wake of Cedric's death. Only doing house chores didn't seem overly productive to the cause. Fred and George also felt similarly to me with wanting to join the Order.
I took my seat in between the twins who each put a helping of food onto my plate. After watching me eat for seven years, my sudden lack of interest in food made them both anxious.
Dinner was as boisterous as always with so many people seated around the kitchen. All of the Weasleys were here, except for Percy. I still flinched at the thought of Percy calling Harry a liar and subsequently disassociating himself from his family. He continued to believe the garbage Fudge was spouting about the false accusations of Voldemort returning, so that meant in Percy's eyes that we were all traitors against the Ministry.
My dad, Remus, Sirius, Hermione and Tonks were also here. Often more members were in and out including Mundungus Fletcher, Professor Snape, the real Alastor Moody, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Dedalus Diggle, Elphias Dodge, Emmeline Vance, Sturgis Podmore, Hestia Jones and Professor McGonagall.
"Is that the post?" Mr. Weasley asked hearing something tapping on the back window.
I looked over to see that there was an owl holding a letter in its beak. It wasn't very uncommon to see owls at any hour of the day since we were a secret headquarters for an underground organisation to take down the darkest wizard of all time.
I watched as Mr. Weasley read the letter before turning pale white. He passed the letter to Remus who was sitting beside him before standing and quickly leaving the kitchen. Mrs. Weasley followed him out and I could hear him announce he was going back into work.
I watched as the letter was passed around between the adults who grew anxious and frustrated. Sirius reacted the worst who immediately ran out into the hall before being chased and brought back by Remus. I analysed everyone's reaction and figured something was wrong with Harry. I felt my stomach tighten and clenched my hands into fists. I knew Harry was obviously in danger now that he had escaped from Voldemort yet again. There was no way I could bear losing my brother as well.
"What the hell is going on?" Fred asked, noticing my reaction.
"Everyone, upstairs!" Mrs. Weasley barked in response.
She quickly rounded all of us kids up the stairs before closing the door so the Order could formally convene downstairs.
We all huddled up on the first landing but eventually migrated into Ron's room after not hearing anything for over an hour.
"It must be Harry right?" Ron asked looking more anxious than he was trying to let on.
"Of course it's Harry. Something must have happened," Hermione snapped under her own apprehension.
"Well let's not be hasty in our assumptions," George said, eyeing the two of them before looking over at me.
"They're right, it has to be Harry. Sirius near about went running outside even though he knows he can't go anywhere," I replied evenly.
I still felt the knots in my stomach tightening and my anger resurge that dad hadn't let me join the Order.
Soon, there was a knock at the door that interrupted our worrying. Hermione stood up to answer it to find my father standing on the other side. It was always either Mrs. Weasley or my father who relayed the revised versions of Order meetings for us kids.
"We figured we might as well tell you now, especially since Harry will probably write to some of you and the Daily Prophet is likely to have a field day with this…" my father paused looking even more worried than he usually did lately.
"So something did happen to Harry," Ginny said nervously.
"He used a Patronus charm and now the Ministry is going after him for underaged magic," my father explained.
"The Patronus charm? But, that's used to ward off dementors," Hermione said fearfully.
"Yes, we are suspecting exactly that. That He Who Must Not Be Named has already swayed the dementors and sent them after Harry. So, we are arranging it now for Harry to arrive here as soon as possible. For the time being he has been ordered to stay inside his aunt's house until we can extract him," my father frowned.
Sirius confided in me shortly after arriving at Grimmauld Place that he and my father argued fiercely against Dumbledore to have Harry only stay with us this summer. After seeing Harry after the tournament ended, my father wanted to keep the boy he helped raise under his care instead.
"As soon as possible? Does that mean Harry's arriving tonight?" Ron asked hopefully.
"That's right. Most of the Order already set out to collect him. We're having another meeting once he arrives," my father continued.
My father gave me a meaningful look but I stayed silent. I felt relieved that Harry was finally joining us after a month of living in this stuffy old house. But I was also concerned with how Harry would react when seeing me.
Dad soon stood up and left the room when we had no further questions. Hermione, Ron and Ginny were buzzing over the news of Harry's arrival.
I clenched my fists before standing up and leaving the room soon after my father left. Out in the hall, I ran up the second staircase and disappeared into the room I shared with the other two girls. I wanted to me left alone but didn't fight them when the twins followed a minute later. Initially I used to try and convince them to leave me alone but they were very clear that that wasn't an option. I was laying face down on my bed and sobbing into my pillow. Mostly I had been avoiding writing to Harry because I didn't want to remind him about the tournament, but part of me knew that Harry was also a reminder for me that Cedric was dead. It wasn't a fair assessment and I still didn't blame Harry for what happened. I was truly grateful he was still alive after facing off against Voldemort again. But I was still afraid of facing that Cedric was really gone too. Being swept off to Grimmauld Place and being away from Hogwarts allowed me to ignore the fact that Cedric died. It was easy to believe he was off on another summer adventure with his father and that I would see him again in September. Of course I didn't feed into these fantasies but it also spared me from facing my deep aching outright.
Fred ran his fingers gently through my hair, much like Ginny did, until my crying finally subsided.
The twins remained quiet until I eventually moved myself into a sitting position. George moved to put his arm over my shoulder and allowed me to lean onto him. We stayed sitting like that while Fred sat on my other side before we heard footsteps climbing the stairs. There was a small knock at the door before the handle turned without any answer from me or the twins. Hermione poked her head in and gave me a sympathetic look. I'm sure my eyes were all red and puffy. Hermione then pushed the door open and was followed in by Harry. Ron stood nervously behind Harry but stayed just outside the door.
"Can I have a minute?" Harry asked, looking at me with an unreadable expression.
Fred and George both looked to me and waited until I nodded. They then followed Hermione out of the room but I never heard any sets of footsteps descend the stairs. They must all be milling around outside the door. Harry remained standing and looked at me for a moment before letting his expression fall. A deep frown unfolded across his face. Seeing him like this allowed me to confront my fears. Without thinking I stood up and crossed the room before pulling him into an embrace.
I felt as Harry's shoulders fell and he began to silently cry into my shoulder. I could only tell he was crying since I could feel the tears falling onto my arm. After several moments Harry pulled away and moved to sit on the bed. I followed and sat down beside him.
"Do you blame me?" Harry asked, getting straight to the point.
"Not at all," I replied honestly.
"So why didn't you respond to my letter?" he asked.
I frowned since I could hear the apprehension in his voice.
"I didn't want to be a reminder. It sounds silly to hear it now, but I didn't want to add to your burden," I replied.
"I'm sorry," I said after a long pause between us.
Harry nodded and rested his head on my shoulder. I could feel his exhaustion and moved my arm so that it was around him.
"He told me something to tell you," Harry said quietly.
"What do you mean?" I asked turning my head towards him as he moved his head away from me to meet my eyes.
"When Voldemort's wand met mine, something bizarre happened. I saw my parents…" he paused with a complex expression.
"You saw Lily and James?" I asked, feeling an odd combination of fear and awe.
"Yea, they're actually what helped me get away. But I also saw Cedric… It was like their ghosts were there standing in front of me," he continued looking perplexed.
I nodded, not trusting the roiling in my stomach to allow me to speak.
"He said to tell you a secret," Harry started.
I could already feel the tears running down my face but I nodded for Harry to continue.
"Erm—" Harry started off nervously. "He apologised actually, for not being able to spend the summer with you like he promised."
I stared at Harry and continued to feel more tears falling down my face. I remembered Cedric promising at the Quidditch World Cup that he would ask his father to let him stay home this summer to be able to spend more time with me. That must have been what Cedric wanted to tell me, that his father agreed to let him stay home. I nodded, showing Harry I knew what he meant.
Harry sighed. "He also told me to tell you that he loves you…"
I only nodded again because I knew I was close to sobbing. Hearing Cedric's last words from Harry seemed to show how permanent Cedric's death was. I knew his secret now and that his last thought entering the afterlife was that he loved me. Harry hugged me again and we stayed like that for a while before I heard the door open again. I realised Fred and George must have grown anxious since I was crying louder now. Harry finally let go and allowed for Fred to hold me for a while in his place. Hermione eventually led Harry and Ron away, probably to go fill Harry in some more about the Order.
Seeing Harry was actually a relief, but that only invited more of the exhaustion I was feeling. I didn't remember falling asleep but woke up in the middle of the night hearing the rhythmic breathing of both Ginny and Hermione. Despite having cried for most of the evening, it also felt nice that this was the first night not to wake up from a nightmare. Eventually, I let myself fall back into a shallow sleep until the sun peaked through our window the next morning.