I woke up a little later than usual the next morning but still before Ginny and Hermione. I quickly got dressed and went downstairs. Unsurprisingly I found Mrs. Weasley already bustling around in the kitchen.

"Good morning dear, I'll whip you up some breakfast," she greeted me before hurrying to put some eggs on the frying pan.

"Is my dad already up?" I asked, surprised I hadn't seen him since today was the day of Harry's trial.

"Oh, he already left with Arthur this morning to bring Harry to the court room," Mrs. Weasley explained.

"Wait, so they already left? But Harry's trial isn't for hours!" I replied, feeling angry that I didn't even get the opportunity to plea my argument to my father to come along.

Things were off between me and my father but I figured that I wouldn't have such a hard time at least accompanying them to the Ministry today.

I clenched my fists in anger, realising that leaving me behind was probably at least part of the reason they left so early this morning. I watched Mrs. Weasley dishing my eggs but instead I stood up and left the kitchen abruptly. I made it to the front door before Mrs. Weasley looked out into the hallway after me.

"Marnie! You can't go outside dear," she called out after me.

"I'm of age!" I shouted back without turning around and slammed the door behind me.

I heard the portrait of Sirius' mother screaming behind me and felt marginally bad that Mrs. Weasley would have to quiet her and that the rest of the house would be woken up. I also knew everyone would be worried about me walking alone in London, but I could legally use magic outside of school and I was tired of being cooped up in that stuffy house. No wonder Sirius was so moody lately, that house was depressing enough without the horrible memories tied to it.

I walked into the heart of the city and was again overwhelmed by the amount of people that were roaming about. I didn't really have a good idea of where I was going but didn't have any plan on returning to Grimmauld Place anytime soon. I couldn't stand to clean that wretched house and wait to see if Harry was expelled or not.

I ended up on a street that I recognized and was surprised to find myself in front of St. Mungo's. I decided to head inside after telling the mannequin I was here to see my mother. The door opened and I walked through the familiar corridors to my mother's ward. I knocked lightly on her door which caused her to look up and smile at me. I walked in as she watched me from her bed. She was tucked in under the blanket but was also sitting up and drawing onto a piece of paper.

"Hi mum," I greeted her.

My mother just smiled back at me before continuing to draw.

I sat down in a chair that was positioned near the foot of her bed. I looked around the room and realised that dad probably hadn't come to visit since the beginning of the summer.

"You're almost lucky mum…" I started to whisper.

I continued to look around the room while my mother continued to fixate on the paper in front of her.

"You lost your best friends but had your memory erased so you don't feel the pain. I lost Cedric mum, and I don't know how to get passed that. Harry couldn't save him and now he might even get expelled. Dad won't let me join the Order and part of me just wants to drop out of school so I can stay with Sirius and work for the Order instead of going back to school and facing the fact that Cedric is really gone," I continued to whisper as tears started falling down my face.

I hadn't told anyone about not wanting to go back to school but I also knew the twins weren't too keen on going back either. I was the only one they told about Harry giving them the money for their shop and now they were all set to open as soon as they perfected a few more products. I didn't have any plans on joining them at the shop and really hadn't contributed lately to their products, but I knew if they left I wouldn't have any reason for staying at Hogwarts.

"Hogwarts was all I ever wanted for my entire childhood, and now it's just a bad reminder. I fought so hard for a place there but now Cedric is gone and Harry might not be allowed back. Plus… he's back mum! How can I just do nothing?" I continued whispering.

I looked up to see my mother was holding up her picture. I couldn't make out if it was supposed to be anything in particular. She looked confused that I was crying but continued to look excited about her new artwork. I smiled back at her through my tears since I didn't want her to react to my pain. She hardly spoke anymore and didn't have much of a capacity for processing complex emotions.

I heard a knock at the door and looked up to see Neville looking in at me.

"Hey Marnie, I haven't seen you in a while," he said quietly from the door.

"Yea, I haven't been to see my mum yet," I replied, quickly brushing the tears from my face.

"Do you want to go and grab some tea?" he offered.

I looked over to my mum before nodding at him. I stood up and kissed my mother on the forehead before following Neville out. I promised my mother that I would return to say goodbye but she only smiled and continued with her drawing.

Neville and I walked down to the cafeteria in silence.

"Is your gran in with your parents?" I asked after we ordered our drinks and sat down.

"Yea, I told her I was coming to check on your mother," he replied.

I nodded and took a sip. It was still too hot to drink so it burnt my tongue.

"How are you?" he asked kindly.

I shook my head and took another sip despite it still being too hot.

"I'm sorry, you know, about what happened," Neville said quietly.

I looked up at him and nodded.

"Gran and I believe Harry by the way," he continued.

"Yea, Fudge is trying his damndest to paint Harry as the fool," I replied sardonically.

"It's terrible, we should all be getting ready to fight instead of denying it even happened," Neville said a little angrily.

I nodded, sharing his sentiments.

"Did Fred finally wisen up and start talking to you again?" Neville asked, changing the subject again.

"Yea, we're back to being friends," I replied with a small smile.

"You know, I don't think he was ever really mad at you," Neville continued.

"What do you mean?" I asked, unsure of why else Fred would have ignored me for so long.

"Erm—well, I think he was jealous…" Neville explained, seeming embarrassed.

"Jealous?" I asked, feeling skeptical.

"Well, yea… doesn't Fred—"

"Neville!" we both turned at the sound of Augusta Longbottom calling out to her grandson.

"Hey gran, I just ran into Marnie," Neville said as his gran walked over to join us.

"Hello Marnie, it's so good to see you," she said before coming over and bringing me into an embrace.

I was taken aback since Augusta was never one who showed too much affection.

"It's good to see you too," I said into her shoulder.

"It's a complete shame about that Diggory boy. Neville told me you two were close," Augusta said before she pulled back.

I nodded, not trusting myself not to cry again.

"I just came to find you and tell you that the ward is closing for the night soon, so we better get going Neville," Augusta continued.

"Is it that late already?" I asked, checking my watch in surprise.

"Did Joss come with you?" Augusta asked.

"No, I came by myself today. I better go up and say goodbye, I told my mother I would," I said before moving to walk out of the cafeteria.

"I'll see you at school Marnie!" Neville called out.

I waved back at him before leaving and went to find my mother.

Ten minutes later I was standing outside of St. Mungo's. The sun was setting and I knew I would be in a whole lot of trouble when I finally found my way back to headquarters.

I travelled back in the direction I was most confident I had wandered from. I came across a market on my way back and felt that I could at least pick up some groceries for Mrs. Weasley. By the time I did finally find my way back the sun was past set. I paused for a moment in front of the door but didn't have time to open it myself before it was thrown open and I was pulled inside.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Fred whispered furiously.

"Is that Marnie?" I heard my father asking from the kitchen.

Fred dragged me past Sirius' mother's portrait and into the kitchen.

Mrs. Weasley took the groceries from my hands and brought them to the counter.

"Where have you been all day? Molly said you just took off this morning," my father said worriedly.

I could also tell he was trying not to show how angry he actually was.

"I just went to see mum," I replied before sitting down at the table since there wasn't much standing room in the kitchen.

"We could have arranged something Marnie," Remus said, looking disappointed by my behaviour.

"Well, I was planning on joining dad to go to the Ministry today but my plans changed," I replied, looking pointedly over at my father.

"Well, we did have to leave quite early this morning," my father started before I cut him off.

"Oh and seeing as I haven't gotten a good night's sleep since Cedric died I don't think that is much of an issue."

"Marnie, we didn't want too add any more attention to Harry than there already is. As it was, I stayed with Arthur all throughout the trial anyway," my father tried to reason.

"More attention?! Fudge gives comments to the Prophet every other day trying to make Harry out to be a fraud," I retorted more angrily.

My father sighed. "I wanted to make sure nothing jeopardised you or Harry going back to school in September. And now you are both allowed to attend."

My father offered a small smile but I didn't allow myself to outwardly express my relief that Harry didn't get expelled.

"Well, maybe I don't want to go back to school!" I shot back furiously.

"Marnie, this is your final year, of course you're going back. You're supposed to graduate this year," my father reasoned.

"No, I'm supposed to be dead!" I shouted before my tears resurfaced and I stormed out of the kitchen.

I heard Mrs. Weasley gasp and could see the looks of horror on my father's and Remus' faces. The twins also looked taken aback. The only one who looked like they somewhat understood what I was saying was Sirius who spent the entire time leaning against the wall at the back of the kitchen.

I ran up the stairs and ignored the door opening at Harry's bedroom. I assumed Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny heard the commotion but I continued up to my room where I fell into my bed.

Unsurprisingly the door opened a minute later and two sets of feet entered my room. My head was buried into my pillow and I didn't look up. I felt guilty for going off on everyone like that, but after seeing my mother I couldn't help but feel like maybe she got off more easily.

"Hare? What did you mean downstairs?" Fred asked sounding anxious.

I pulled myself up to face him and George. They both looked as concerned as I they had been on the day Cedric died.

"I wasn't brave enough to get chosen! If I was then I would be dead instead of him!" I shouted, feeling even more tears pour down my face.

Fred pulled me tight to his body as if trying to hold me together.

"Hare, I know it's selfish, but everyone here is glad it wasn't you. And as for Cedric, I don't think he would want to switch places with you either. He loved you so much and I think he's happy this means you get to keep living," Fred replied.

This caused me to sob louder in to his chest. I grabbed onto his shirt with my fists and drenched the fabric with my tears.

I didn't go down to dinner that night and the rest of the holiday became tense between me and my father. I didn't think he was still angry with me but he also couldn't think of anything to say to the fact that I admitted I wished I had died.

On the last night of summer, Mrs. Weasley put together a sort of celebration for Hermione and Ron becoming prefects.

"Marnie, did you get a chance to look at my new broom?" Ron came up to me with a big grin.

He was obviously feeling proud about his new badge and broom despite the grief Fred and George were already giving him about it.

"Yea! Hopefully, you'll get on the quidditch team then," I replied, trying to show some enthusiasm.

I watched as his cheeks turned red and he started stuttering about tryouts.

I smiled at him before walking over to the table to gather some food. My appetite was slowly coming back but I still didn't eat very much. I caught Fred's eye from across the room and saw his encouraging smile. Him and George were talking with Mundungus Fletcher, probably about their less reputable trading for their joke products.

"Hey Marnie," I looked over to see Harry approaching me.

He was also acting unusual lately, almost similarly to Sirius. The last week or so was pretty tense around here since I became banned from leaving the house and everyone else found out I wished I had died in Cedric's place. Harry had found me the next morning and was furious but we had since made up.

"Ready to go back to school?" I asked but Harry only shrugged.

"Jealous you didn't get the prefect position?" I asked, trying to gauge his response.

"Of course not, Ron deserves it," Harry replied but I was still skeptical.

"Are you ready to go back?" he asked, giving me a pointed look.

"I promised you didn't I?" I asked, referring to our previous agreement.

I promised Harry after my most recent breakdown that I would go back and graduate. Harry reasoned that I would benefit learning any new spell I could use against Voldemort. This was enough for me to at least get on the train tomorrow.

Soon after I noticed Harry excuse himself to leave the party which was the only justification I needed to follow him. Fred and George were still figuring out their products which left Remus and dad looking at me with worried expressions.

As I climbed the stairs I could hear someone crying on the first landing and soon heard Harry speaking. I ran to catch up and found him standing in the parlour with Mrs. Weasley sobbing at the other end. The most startling thing in the room though was Harry's dead body.

"Riddikulus!" Mrs. Weasley shouted through her sobs but the boggart only transformed into another dead body.

Suddenly I was staring at a replica of me laying on the ground with blood running from my mouth. My breath hitched suddenly. I guess from being confronted like this with my own mortality since it had become such a topic of contention recently.

"Maybe I didn't want to die if it meant I looked like that," I thought to myself as my stomach turned.

"What's going on up here?" Remus entered the parlour behind me and moved to rid of the boggart.

Sirius and Mad-Eye both followed and tried to console Mrs. Weasley who was still crying. Harry stood rooted in place but I took everyone's diverted attention on Mrs. Weasley to leave quietly. I walked up the stairs to my room and closed the door behind me. Once I crawled into bed, I allowed myself to feel scared about dying for the first time in the last three months. I continued to lay on my bed and closed my eyes when Ginny and Hermione finally entered the room. It was long after they both fell asleep that I finally dozed off, dreaming about my bloodied corpse in the parlour until Mrs. Black's prejudicial screams woke me the next morning.