Chapter 05c: Reckoning

"Protect your sister, okay Cain?"

This one mere sentence is like the refrain that keeps my consciousness as a whole. Even in the sheltering darkness of my closed eyes, her cute face is the one thing that keeps me grounded.

Because if it is not her, I see her.

A weakness. A snuffed out candle.

A posterpiece for the beauty of death.

A peaceful smile. A yearning, almost.

For death? For release? For meeting Saint Peter?

As I open my eyes, I see the therapist flinch. He tries to cover it up, but I noticed. He is afraid of me.

Afraid of me. A ten years old kid. Isn't that ludicrous?

"Yes. I very much regret what I did. Every day."

My voice sounds hollow despite its steadiness. I can hear the earnestness as much as I feel it in my bones, but there is no way I can fake tears or other such a half-hearted emotion.

"Well.. that's good. Does that mean you are ready for your treatment? To stop fighting it every step of the way?"

I sigh. It's a frustrated breath, from deep inside my body.

"I am not the one that needs treatment. He is."

It is more of a growl, a final stand that betrays the bottom line. There is only so much responsibility I can take.

"So you have said, Cain. But he was not the one to punch his father into a coma. You realize that, right?"

"BUT HE WAS THE ONE TO DRINK. HE WAS THE ONE WHO GOT HER KILLED!"

Without my realization, it already burst out again. I don't even notice it anymore. That all-consuming anger, it is always there, just underneath my skin, bubbling and yearning for a reason to burst out.

Credit to the therapist, he didn't flinch this time. Then again, it isn't the first time I exploded at him like this.

"She passed in her sleep. I know you want to blame him for losing her and your sist.."

"DON'T YOU DARE BRING SETSUKA INTO THIS. DO YOU WANT TO JOIN HIM? DO YOU? SHE IS INNOCENT. LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS!"

I already jumped up from my chair before I knew. The restraints are, unfortunately for him, not attached to the chair, so I actually managed to make it one step. Unfortunately for me, my hands are tied together, and my legs can barely do more than shuffle.. so I don't make it anywhere close before a security guard runs up, yanks my shoulder and tosses me back into my seat.

Fucking wankers. All of them.

"Okay. We're not talking about Setsuka. We're talking about her. Take a deep breath, Cain. In and out. Slowly. Don't speak. Just listen for a moment, okay?"

He searches my face for some sort of agreement, but I guess the fact I wasn't retorting is enough to encourage him onwards.

"This rage isn't any good, Cain. I know you want to see your sister again, but the authorities won't let you. Not if you are like this. Do you want her to lose her brother?"

I make a fist in my hand. Again, he is trying to get to me through her! Always using her as blackmail. I can tell. I'll have him lose his teeth. Mark my words..!

"No."

He seems to be relieved by my response, I notice.

"Then you should work with us to tame your rage. Right now, you are a danger to everybody around you. Even your sister."

The joints in my fingers snap; that is how tight my now turned-white fist is clenched.

"You are the ones that took her. Bastard! She is ALL ALONE NOW!"

He smiles, ever so imperceptibly, as if he made a discovery.

"No, Cain. We did not take her. We took you. Because you are the dangerous one. She is with her foster parents. She's getting good meals every day. She's attending school. She's even got a new sibling; an older sister I believe."

Just those words... I feel like a balloon that deflates. Setsuka is alright. She's alright! The smile slips on my features faster than I can think of hiding it.

But the anger reminds me. It is just some modicum of alright. Those people are still strangers. Even that drunk would be preferable. He wouldn't hurt her like that. But people like this therapist...

"Bastard. You better hope they don't open my restraints right now, you scum."

They would protect her half-heartedly. They would clip her wings to protect her against the world. To hide her in a box, because the box is safe. Make sure she's fed, even if it is the same boring food every day. That nobody can hurt her, even if she doesn't see her own family.

But she isn't so weak. Not yet.

I need to get to her. Before they make her weak.

"For her. Only for her. You understand?"