NEWT exams when you'd recently quit smoking were not the most fun thing on the planet. In fact they were the worst thing on the planet. Draco and I had both been forced to switch to stupid nicotine free cigarettes and all they had me wanting to do was run off into Hogsmede, apparate to the nearest muggle off-licence and buy normal fucking cigarettes.
"Hermione," Ginny's voice cut through my reverie and I looked up at her across the table in the library.
"Yeah Gin," I answered quietly as I tried to turn my mind back to my notes.
"Malfoy's here," Ginny said with a sly smile as she pointed over my shoulder with the feather tip of her quill. I looked over my shoulder just as Draco dropped himself into the chair next to me with a smirk to Ginny.
"Weasley," Draco said in greeting.
"Ferret," Ginny responded and Draco pouted.
"Oh come on Weasley I was being nice."
"If you were being nice you'd be calling us Harry and Ginny by now Draco," Harry said lightly as he dropped into the space next to Ginny, placing a soft kiss on her head as he did so. I couldn't help but feel jealous of Ginny and Harry. Everyone knew about them, everyone approved of them. Only five people knew me and Draco were together, Harry, Ginny, Theo, Professor McGonagall and Ron, and he'd been sworn to secrecy, everyone else just thought we were friends.
Draco looked across at me as if knowing my thoughts already and I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. We'd had a lot of arguments about being able to be a public couple recently. Draco maintained he was trying to protect me by keeping quiet, I maintained I didn't need protecting and the rest of the world could rot.
"I need a fucking cigarette," I groused under my breath as I rubbed my temples. Draco frowned at me as he heard my words.
"Come on Hermione, you're stronger than that," Draco responded in a very matter of fact manner as he twirled his quill in his fingers, a tell that he also wanted the nicotine fix that brought us together. I rolled my eyes as I used a spare quill to pin up my hair and turned back to the potions notes, but then I could hear Draco tapping and Harry and Ginny sharing a kiss and my already short fuse burnt out.
"Fuck this," I snarled as I stood, threw my shit into my bag and left the Library. I knew Draco could probably find me wherever I went especially if he was with Harry so I left the castle. As I walked I felt my anger abate and just felt sadness in its place. Jealousy was not a colour I wore well and I also didn't like having my decisions made for me. I'd been with Draco since just after Christmas, now with a month to go until graduation it was grating on me that I couldn't make him truly mine. Maybe I was more possessive than I'd thought but as Harry had accepted Draco as a friend, Draco had suddenly become a viable dating option for the majority of 7th and 8th year girls and I hated it.
Coming to a stop up against one of the pillars where I punched Draco in 3rd year I stared out over the grounds smiling politely at two seventh year Ravenclaw girls.
"Hey Granger," The taller blonde one called as she recognised me and I lifted my chin.
"Hey Brody, what do you need?" I asked. I hadn't spoken much to her but we shared Arithmancy together and we had at one point had study groups.
"Erm… You spend a lot of time with Malfoy right?" Brody asked and I felt my body go rigid. This was not happening.
"Er yeah, he's a good addition to my study group," I said as blasé as I could manage. Brody grinned at me and nodded.
"I know, he's so smart... I didn't realise he was so clever before," Brody gushed while her friend giggled behind her hand.
"I mean, he was always second so I knew he was smart," I answered levelly.
"Do you know if he has a girlfriend or anyone he's taking to the graduation ball?" Brody asked and I stiffened. Here was the rub, Draco had not said anything to state he had a girlfriend and so he was still fair game.
"Not that he's mentioned to me," I answered, my voice a tad bit cold. Brody's friend suddenly looked up and started giggling even harder and I felt rather than heard Draco step out from behind the rock. "Why don't you ask him if he has a girlfriend Brody?" I said quietly as I glanced up at Draco. Draco's face was a mask but his eyes belied his concern.
"What's up Brody?" Draco asked casually as he caught the blonde's eye. Brody turned full flirt and sauntered up to Draco, placing her manicured hand against his chest, inches below where his shirt opened and I stiffened. Draco froze but didn't make a move to remove her hand and it took everything in me to control my magic.
"I was just wondering if you wanted to study Care of Magical Creatures together at some point," Brody said, a soft smirk on her face and I looked away. Care of Magical Creatures was one of the classes Draco and I did not have together.
"Erm… I guess so… when?" Draco asked gruffly, ruffling the short hair on the back of his head.
"We could study tomorrow after care of magical creatures if you like?" Brody suggested and Draco shrugged noncommittally.
"Yeah meet me in the library or something," Draco said.
"Cool," Brody said and she removed her manicured hands from Draco's front and sauntered off.
When she was far enough away I felt Draco touch me softly.
"Don't fucking touch me Malfoy," I snarled. Shrugging out from underneath him as I fought the urge to lash out, or cry, or do something.
"Hermione… I," Draco was quiet and when I looked up at him he looked away. "I can't do that to you. I can't have the world demonise you like that." Anger and sadness flooded me and I fought the urge to reach for my wand, knowing that at this point only darkness would come out.
"But you'd prefer me to have the agony of that conversation until you decide to let me make my own decision about my safety and my life. Who said I give a shit what the world thinks of me. Do you think it's been nothing but sunshine and rainbows being friends with Harry-fucking-Potter for 8 years? Well newsflash Draco, it hasn't been, in fact in fourth year I remember you contributing to a hell of a lot of my bad press," I shouted at him. As I whirled on him fully I realised that Ginny and Harry weren't too far away and by the looks on their faces they'd heard more than just Brody's conversation with Draco.
"I don't care about the past, I care about having you happy and safe Hermione!" Draco shouted back at me and I whirled away angrily, laughing as I remembered a situation as I pulled Draco's signet ring that now hung on a chain around my neck, out from underneath my shirt.
"Did you know Davies tried to ask me to the graduation ball?" I asked flatly, whirling back to face him. Draco's eyes went flat grey as anger flashed across his face and he stepped towards me, his fingers coming up to grip the chain around my neck tightly. He pulled it taught as he pulled me close to him, restricting my air ever so slightly but I resisted the feeling that shot down to my core. In my periphery I saw Harry take a furious step forwards only for Ginny to hold him back.
"You're mine Hermione. Fucking mine," Draco growled.
"If you're not in the mood to fuck me against that boulder in full view of the world I suggest you release me," I said softly and Draco's eyes flashed as if he was going to do just that and then hand dropped in defeat. "As I was saying Davies from Ravenclaw tried to ask me to the graduation ball, your housemate Zabini even asked me on a date," Draco's mouth dropped open as I revealed that one. "And I tell them all that I'm taken. 'Who is it they ask' and I tell them that's my business. I do not pretend I'm single Draco because I am not, because I am yours…"I felt my heart wrench in my chest as I raised my eyes to his. "Will you let us be public?" I asked quietly. Draco's eyes fell flat as he watched me and then his right hand started to track towards the band he wore over his dark mark before it clenched and he tensed his shoulders.
"I can't do that to you," Draco said finally as he crossed his hands over his chest.
"Okay," I said softly. With a click of my fingers I undid the chain around my neck and let the signet ring fall into the palm of my hand where I stretched it out to him.
"What?" Draco gasped, what looked suspiciously like tears in his eyes as he looked at the ring in my hand as I slipped my father's chain back around my neck.
"You have made your choice and this is mine. I can't do this anymore Draco. I can't, it's killing me," I whispered. Draco continued to stare at me so as I stepped towards him to pass him I slipped the ring into his pocket.
"Hermione don't do this," Draco pleaded but I shook my head tears in my eyes.
"It's done Draco. Enjoy your study sessions with Brody," I breathed as I tried to move away, but Draco grabbed my arm.
"I don't want fucking Brody Hermione, I want you… I need you," Draco growled.
"But not enough for us to be honest with the world," I responded. "I will not be hidden away Draco, I will not be your hidden mistress watching as your Mother comes back from France in four years and tries to set you up with an appropriate person. Not when there are people out there who wouldn't want to hide me." Draco's face twisted in anger and he pulled me closer.
"Do you think anyone else could treat you the way I could? Granger I know what you need," Draco growled, his eyes darting to mine but I pulled back.
"What I need is to not be hidden Malfoy," I answered and at that Draco's hand dropped from my arm and he stepped back. As soon as I was released I ran. Behind me I heard a dull crack and a curse before I heard Ginny tell Harry to go to Malfoy before she ran pounding after me.