Valedictorian, highest grades in the year, highest grades in the past 100 years, but as I stood in my Slytherin green dress watching the dancers at the graduation ball, everything felt flat. I had taken my exams and passed them as well as I ever could despite the fact I missed Draco something fierce. Everything felt like a punch in the gut, and I'd relapsed on my smoking habit. McGonagall and I had come to an arrangement after she caught me having a meltdown after Transfiguration. I was allowed to have a set number of real cigarettes in day and I'd saved all of them for this Merlin forsaken ball.
"Come on Granger, have a drink with me," Zabini insisted and I shook my head. "How come?"
"I don't drink Zabini," I said politely, knowing I didn't want to be drunk anywhere near Malfoy right now..
"Well do you dance?" Zabini asked politely and I shrugged before I nodded. One dance couldn't hurt. Zabini flashed me a winning smile and escorted me onto the dance floor. Just my luck the music changed to something slow. Zabini smiled at me but didn't make any moves to pull us together and I frowned at him. "What?"
"I… Does this dance fit the music?"
I asked, wondering why he didn't pull me closer.
"It does when Malfoy is trying to kill me with his eyes," Zabini said under his breath. Shocked I leant back from him eyes wide and Zabini smirked at me. "Did you think I didn't notice my housemate's behaviour over the past 6 months Granger? Do you think I didn't notice yours?"
"I… I didn't think we were obvious," I said softly.
"Oh you weren't, Draco is one of the best Slytherins I know while you have a Slytherin streak a mile wide," I shuddered at his phrase as it threw my mind back to that first mind blowing time with Draco in the Room of Requirement. "Hey, everyone's got a bit of every house in them, accept your Slytherin streak, nurture it even," Zabini laughed, misinterpreting my shudder.
"Why did you ask me to come to the ball if you knew all this then?" I asked quietly.
"I didn't at the time. I only found out about your affair when Malfoy broke my fucking nose the day you handed back his missing signet ring. Signet rings like family rings have magical signatures. I didn't notice Malfoy was missing his because he oozes his family magic, and I didn't notice it on you because we were always in public. When I spoke to you alone after you broke up though I realised it was gone and I figured it out," Zabini grinned.
"Is everyone this sensitive to magic or is it just you?" I asked, rolling my eyes.
"Just me at Hogwarts, but the Zabini's are well known for being able to predict shit, like, are you having a boy or a girl. Just ask and I could probably tell you," Zabini said with a suggestive glance at my abdomen
"What?" I questioned, my hands dropping from his shoulders suddenly as my brain began counting numbers.
"Don't panic, I didn't mean you exactly, you're magical signature is all you… Weasley on the other hand… Well don't tell her I told you," Zabini smirked conspiratorially as he swept my hands back up to his shoulders smoothly.
"That still doesn't explain why you asked me to the ball last week though if you knew all this," I said quietly as I saw Malfoy dancing with Brody who was dressed in a navy blue cocktail dress.
"Because when it became obvious you two were going to keep punishing each other, Nott, Weasley and Potter cornered me and demanded I take you to the ball, because every woman deserves to get all dressed up for a dance," Zabini said with a charming smile as he moved us in a wide arc past Malfoy and Brody. "There is one thing I want to know though Granger," Zabini said thoughtfully and I looked at him and away from Malfoy's eyes that bored into mine.
"What?" I asked, as I tried to etch out the hurt I felt.
"Why did you come to the ball with me when you quite obviously still love him and he loves you?" Zabini asked.
"He wouldn't let us go public. We'd been together from just after Christmas, making it officially around February, but by May he still wasn't willing to let us be known as a couple. I was happy to say I had a secret boyfriend, but he was still playing like he was single. The straw that broke the camel's back was when Brody asked me if he had a girlfriend, only for her to ask him to a study session which he accepted when he knew what her intentions were," I said under my breath.
"He's a tool," Zabini said. "Why wouldn't he let you go public."
"He feared I'd be demonised by the media and everyone else, despite the fact Harry had clearly decided to bury the hatchet," I sighed. "Look Zabini… thank you for the dance but I'm going to go and have a smoke," I said with a soft grin.
"How about I see if I can't steal Brody from him… As far as I'm aware he hasn't spent a single night out of the dormitory since your break up, so he's not fucking her," Zabini smirked. Ignoring the spasm of pain at the idea of Malfoy fucking anyone, I smiled at Zabini and allowed him to lead me from the dance floor to the entrance hall where the customary maze had been set up.
"Granger!" Malfoy's sharp voice called out from the corner of the maze and I glanced up at him as I breathed in smoke.
"Malfoy," I answered calmly. "Where's Brody?" I asked, my lip curling slightly as I scanned the air for her.
"Who Charlotte?"
"Oh goody we know her name," I said sarcastically.
"Don't be bitch Granger. She's dancing with Zabini," Malfoy said darkly.
"Oh Blaise? He's a nice guy," I said as I exhaled smoke lazily.
"I said, don't be a bitch Granger," Malfoy growled as he stepped almost toe to toe with me.
"When did you gain the authority to tell me what the fuck do Malfoy?" I growled. Malfoy just watched me as he removed a cigarette from one of the same purple packets I was smoking from.
For a few minutes we were silent as we smoked together.
"McGonagall has shit taste in cigarettes," Malfoy groused as he exhaled a large volume of smoke.
"True, but nicotine is nicotine," I said, shrugging my shoulders and Draco just rolled his eyes.
"How have you been?" We both asked at the same time, both rolling our eyes at the stupid-ass question. He knew how I was, I knew how he was, we went to the same school, sort of kept the same friendship group. We were miserable.
"How is Brody? Is she a good lay?" I said harshly, my arm folding across my chest defensively as I used it as a prop for my smoking arm.
"I wouldn't know. I'm not in the business of fucking my feelings away. How about you, is Zabini's dick big enough?" Malfoy's words were like a slap and I guessed I should have expected it, I was the one who started throwing low blows.
"I-,"
"Don't answer, I know who wins that competition and it's not him. You forget I've shared a dorm with him for the past 8 years," Malfoy's voice was cold and I involuntarily shivered. "Or have you been fucking Davies instead, we both know smart men are more your speed and he is a Ravenclaw. Or maybe you just picked up where you left off with Potter in that tent-." CRACK. The sound of my hand hitting Malfoy's face echoed around the maze section we were in and I couldn't regulate my breathing as I stared at the man I had loved and still loved.
"How fucking dare you!" I snarled. Malfoy looked at me slowly, his hand resting on his check as he regarded me like I was a dangerous animal. "You know you were my first. Or did you forget that. Youknowexactly what mine and Harry's relationship is, youknowwhat my relationship to Ginny is. In your own fucking words youknowme. How dare you imply I'd just hand myself around," Tears had sprung to my eyes and I fought them back furiously.
"What am I supposed to think, you broke up with me remember?" Malfoy growled as he flicked his cigarette butt on the floor and stomped it before vanishing it.
"I broke up with you because I loved you more than you loved me," I snarled, advancing on Malfoy as he stepped towards me.
"Bullshit!" Malfoy snarled. "You broke up with me because you couldn't get your own way," Malfoy hissed.
"I broke up with you because despite the fact we fucked each other six ways from Sunday, told each other we loved each other and made whispered promises to each other in the night,youcouldn't publically commit to me Draco. What sort of witch wants to be hidden away from the world, especially when her boyfriend looks like you and she looks like me!" I screamed at him. Draco hissed under his breath as my voice left a ringing silence in the night.
"Now you've fucking done it Granger," Malfoy groused, but I was past caring as tears streamed down my face.
"I don't care Draco! I don't fucking care! I hurt. I hurt so fucking much because I love you but I can't because I can't let myself be hidden. I won't be hidden like I'm your dirty secret, I won't be hidden to protect myself, I don't need it, the last reporter that wrote shit about me, I kept in a jar for a year! Fuck Draco you've ruined me," My voice trailed off into a broken sob and I couldn't even see him anymore for the tears. "How am I supposed to feel confident and beautiful and all the things you say I am when you want to hide me? All that does is make me feel like I'm still the bushy haired, ugly, buck toothed know it all and that is killing me Draco."
Silence reigned around us but for my sobs and then I heard Draco sigh as I tried to dab at my face with my fingers.
"Here," Draco said softly as he held out what I recognised as a white handkerchief. Ignoring him I made to turn away but Draco stepped in, tilted my face up and dabbed at the tears that streaked down my face.
When I'd calmed down enough to see I looked up at Draco who also looked a mess. His eyes were red like he was a second away from crying or had been crying while I was too distracted, and his hair was in disarray.
"I'm an idiot," Draco huffed and I rolled my eyes at him.
"Understatement of the century," I snarked and Draco raised an eyebrow.
"You're an idiot too bear in mind," Draco said pointing at me, but I waved it away.
"Hermione… I love you. You're strong, beautiful, funny, kind and everything I ever told you that you are. I'm sorry that I wouldn't listen and I'm sorry that not publically making you mine made you feel less than. I've not been the same without you and I miss you. Will you please take me back?" Draco said, his tone clear, not trying to hide anything, but not trying to project for the world to hear, but by now I knew that any students hidden in the bushes would be listening carefully for even a whispered word.
"Yes," I breathed and then Draco was kissing me again and it felt like we were flying.