Warnings: Dark themes, lots of mentions of death, strong language, human experimentation, experimenting on children, child abduction, graphic descriptions of experimenting, lots of needles, lots of violence, poor descriptions of panic attacks, descriptions of blood, rated M for safety.
*If I need to add anymore warnings please tell me in the reviews or a PM and I'll be sure to add it!*
Chapter 73: Overwhelming Emotions
"Come on Ace, you agreed to go to another session," Sabo said as he put away his journal. He'd had another nightmare, and per Whiskey's advice, he had written it down and changed the ending. Ace was scowling on the bed, arms and legs crossed, unmoving.
"Yeah, well now I don't want to." The eldest said stubbornly, trying to ignore the anxiety churning in his stomach.
"I know this isn't exactly fun, for any of us, but it could help. I'm going to go, and I won't force you to, but I think you should go as well." Sabo said as he stood from the desk. Luffy was hovering near the door, ready to go, though also clearly anxious about it as well. Truth be told, the blonde was just as anxious as his brothers, but he wanted to believe that Whiskey could help, and if sucking up that anxiety and going to these sessions helped, he'd do it.
That didn't exactly help when it came to Ace though.
The eldest seemed to be content with not moving an inch from his spot on the bed, arms crossed tightly over his chest and scowl set. The anxiety in the room was almost suffocating for Luffy, and he found himself inching the door open and slipping out, mindful that his brothers were too engrossed in their stare down to notice his leave.
The youngest of the three walked slowly down the hall, a bit unsure of himself. Sure, the idea to leave the room had seemed like a good one a few seconds ago, but now that he was actually acting on it, he found himself hesitating, his anxiety doubling.
He didn't stop though and instead continued down the hall until he was opening the door to the deck, stepping out into the familiar sunlight. It was immediately calming, though not calming enough. After not knowing if he would ever see the sunlight again for years, he found himself appreciating it every time he stepped into it.
Focusing his attention back to the deck he found that a few had already noticed his arrival, and with it, they also realized he was alone. It set him on edge, but once again, he tried ignoring the stares- many filled with confusion- and began walking towards Whitebeard, more subconsciously than anything. The giant Captain was someone he knew was a safe person to be near, someone who exuded so much warmth it could calm him down from even his worst nightmares and memories, so walking towards him now was almost instinctual, an attempt to calm his raging anxiety and terror.
He knew Whiskey could help, Sabo had said so himself, and he did want to try going to the sessions, but it didn't mean his anxiety was going to make it easy.
"Hello there, son. Where are your brothers?" Whitebeard asked as Luffy walked up to him. Luffy didn't answer right away, instead stretching his arms to grab onto the arm of Whitebeards chair and sitting beside the giant's arm before he did.
"In our room. They're nervous." Luffy said, shifting slightly. None of the other commanders were around except Marco who was watching and listening curiously.
"Nervous of what?" Whitebeard asked, his voice and emotions still calm, inadvertently calming Luffy even more.
"Talking to Whiskey. We wanna talk to her, but its kind of scary. I didn't like the feelings so I left, but I don't think they noticed that I did." Luffy said fiddling with his fingers and feeling a little bad now that he had left without saying anything. He knew his brothers would be worried once they noticed, but at the time he was only focused on getting away from the suffocating feelings.
"What makes the nurse scary to you?" Whitebeard asked, though not in a way that suggested he didn't know why, but more in a way that made Luffy think.
"Because... nurses and doctors always hurt us. But Whiskey hasn't, which is why I like her and want to talk to her, but what if she gets mean? Like the other doctors always did. They were always blue at first, but they got grey too." Luffy said, voice growing softer with every word. Whitebeard hummed as he listened, nodding.
"You won't know. Not unless you continue talking to her. However, if she should ever start to turn grey, you could always come tell me, or any of the Commanders, and we'll take care of it. You never have to worry about anyone hurting you three again. Not while you're here with us. You're safe here, son." Whitebeard said soothingly, all of Luffy's worries slowly drifting away, and he didn't know if it was because of the Captain's words or the warmth exuding from the giant. A smile blossomed on his face regardless and he nodded.
"Mm! Ne, Marco, can you walk with me to Whiskey?" Luffy asked, still smiling, and the first Commander smiled back, nodding.
"Of course, yoi. Come on, I think she's already waiting for you." Marco said, nodding towards the upper deck where Luffy could already smell the nurse.
"Bye! Thanks for talking to me!" Luffy said with a wave as he jumped off the chair. Whitebeard laughed and waved back.
"Goodbye son. I hope you have a good session with Whiskey," Whitebeard replied, watching the two walk off. Luffy felt much better about going to talk to the nurse now, smile still on his face as he walked beside Marco. There was still a small ball of worry and anxiousness, but it was easy to ignore now, especially now that he knew Whitebeard agreed to help should the nurse turn grey.
"I'll make sure no one bothers you two," Marco said as they finally reached the stairs to the upper deck. Luffy nodded, thanking the Commander like Sabo taught him too, and watched Marco turn into his Phoenix form, flying up to the crows nest where he would stay. The form amazed Luffy, but he forced himself not to take too long staring in awe and instead continued on toward the nurse.
It would be alright. Even if Sabo wasn't right here, he could still hear Luffy. If he needed help he could just call out to his brothers- or maybe even Marco or Whitebeard- they would surely help him.
With a new resolve, Luffy marched up the steps, finding the nurse quickly and giving her a hesitant smile, to which she returned with a warm gentle smile of her own.
"Hello Luffy, I'm glad you're here!" She greeted cheerily. Luffy nodded, sitting in front of the nurse as she shifted a few papers around before picking one up and putting it on her clipboard.
"Let's get started then, hm?"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"Why is this even a fight right now? I already said I wouldn't force you to go if you didn't want to!" Sabo nearly shouted, anger obvious as he spoke- or more accurately; yelled- to Ace. The eldest was no longer sitting on the bed and was instead standing, fists clenched at his sides.
"Yet it sounds a whole lot like you're trying to force me to go!" He responded, glaring at the blonde as he did. Sabo sighed in frustrated and shook his head.
"Fine. You don't want to go, I get it. Come on Luffy, lets-" Sabo cut himself off as he turned to look towards the door where Luffy had been standing, only to find that the boy was gone.
"Luffy?" He asked, paling slightly at the realization that their youngest brother was no longer in the room with them. All of the anger left Ace and Sabo as they realized this, both looking at each other with wide eyes before rushing out of their shared room.
"Damnit, when did he leave?" Ace asked as they looked up and down the hall, seeing no sign of their brother.
"I don't know! Do you think we influenced him and he stormed off?" Sabo asked in worry.
"I hope not. Knowing how he gets he might bite someone's hand off if they look at him funny." Ace muttered as they charged down the hallway towards the deck.
"He wouldn't have left without us otherwise, would he?" Ace asked almost as an afterthought. The trio were still getting used to being surrounded by so many people, ones that claimed they only wanted to help, so it would be surprising if Luffy had left on his own free will.
"I don't know, but he has been acting more like his old self lately," Sabo said, opening the door to the deck and stepping out. Ace followed, quickly scanning the deck for their brother.
"Do you see him?" Sabo asked, watching Aces face for any sign that he found Luffy.
"No. You hear him?" Ace asked, seeing no sign of Luffy on the main deck. Sabo took a second to listen for Luffy but stopped when he saw a blue flaming bird flying their way, something that also caught Ace's attention.
"Marco." Sabo greeted, trying to dispel his panic for a moment. The Commander shifted to his human form, a hint of a smile on his face.
"Luffy's talking with Whiskey right now." He said, both Ace and Sabo letting out relieved breaths, only to be filled with worry once again.
"Alone?" Ace asked, eyes drifting towards the upper deck where he was sure Luffy was now. Marco nodded.
"He came out a little while ago and spoke with Oyaji, yoi. He said he didn't like the feelings in your room so he left. After talking he decided he wanted to go talk to Whiskey so I walked him there and was keeping watch." Marco explained. Ace and Sabo both shared a look, still amazed that Luffy had done all of this without them. Sabo cleared his throat.
"Well, in that case, I guess I'll head over there too. You coming Ace?" Sabo asked. Ace merely nodded, not responding with words.
"Thank you, Marco," Sabo said, the man nodding to them before changing into his Phoenix form and flying back to the crows nest once more. Ace and Sabo both made their way over to the stairs of the upper deck and sat down, both catching glimpses of Luffy speaking with the nurse before they did.
"He actually went to talk to her without us." Ace said, though not in a hurt way. It was more of an awe.
"I can't believe it either," Sabo said, trying his best not to listen in to Luffy and Whiskey's conversation.
"That's a good thing though, right? That he didn't need us to go talk to her?" Ace asked.
"I guess so. Maybe these sessions really do help." Sabo said. The two went quiet after that, both still lost in their own thoughts.
"Hey, sorry about yelling at you earlier." Ace muttered a half-hour later, not looking at the blonde as he did. Sabo smiled at that, noticing that Ace was still horrible when it came to his emotions.
"I yelled too, so it's both our faults. Besides, I know you don't like the nurse, and I was kind of pressuring you to talk to her, so I'm sorry too." Sabo said with a shrug. Ace nodded but didn't say anything more. After another few minutes, Luffy finally finished up his session, smile on his face as he walked over to Ace and Sabo.
"Hey, guys! Are you gonna talk to Whiskey too?" Luffy asked, sitting beside them.
"Uh, well I am I think. How was your session?" Sabo asked, still not quite sure about this whole thing.
"It was good! Whiskeys nice, and I talked with Mr. Whitebeard, and he said if Whiskey ever starts getting grey I can tell him and he'll deal with it! He said we're safe here and no one's gonna hurt us anymore." Luffy said cheerily, kicking his feet as he did.
"Oh yeah? You'll have to tell me more after my session." Sabo said with a smile of his own, Luffy's happiness practically contagious.
"Mm!" Luffy hummed and nodded, watching Sabo get up and head to the nurse who was waiting patiently for him.
"So you like the sessions Lu?" Ace asked, eliciting more nods from Luffy.
"Mhm! Sometimes it's scary, cause we talk about stuff that happened at the facility, but Whiskeys nice. She doesn't make me talk if I don't wanna. Sometimes we talk about fun things too though, like today we talked about my favorite food! I told her it was alligator, cause that's what we used to have back in the jungle, and it was always the tastiest! Ne, Ace, remember that time-" As Luffy rambled Ace listened with a smile, nodding in the right places and laughing as Luffy brought up funny memories he'd all but forgotten about, like that time they pranked Dadan with the classic bucket of water on top of the door.
Ace was truly happy that Luffy seemed to be adjusting so well here; happy that after all this time, he was finally acting like his old self again. He almost found himself jealous that his youngest brother was able to put all of the pain and trauma that was the facility behind him while he was still stuck with the haunting memories and horrible feelings.
Of course, he knew it wasn't Luffy's fault, everyone got over trauma differently, and Luffy was a naturally happy person, able to bounce back from anything, so why would trauma be any different? That didn't change the feelings though, and Ace found himself thinking back to his talk with Whiskey about not being able to get a handle on his own emotions.
Maybe he should continue these sessions after all.
"Hey, Luffy, sorry about earlier. You know, when me and Sabo fought." Ace said, cutting Luffy off from his rambling, having moved on to a story when they dine and dashed.
"Huh? Oh, it's ok, you guys were just really nervous and stuff. I didn't like it so I left, but I'm not mad at you guys." Luffy said with a shrug as if it was no big deal.
"Still, we promised we would try not to fight, especially around you." Ace said, a bit of a flush on his face. He really wasn't the best at handling his emotions.
"Its not your fault. Bad feelings aren't fun to feel and they make you yell sometimes. Its alright." Luffy said, still completely nonchalant about it all. Ace smiled to himself and shook his head, taking a deep breath.
"You're a strange one, you know that Lu?" He asked, leaning back and looking at Luffy. The youngest tilted his head in confusion, eyebrows scrunched.
"Huh?" He asked, obviously not understanding. Ace laughed, shaking his head again and knocking Luffy's straw hat off his head.
"Nothing. Never mind." The eldest said. Luffy watched him for a minute before shrugging and smiling again, placing his hat back on his head.
"Anyway, and then the owner ran after us and started yelling for the guards, and we ran into that alley and I almost fell cause of that barrel that was tipped over, and-"
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
After the brothers all had their sessions, as well as breakfast, they had decided to go sit with Whitebeard again. All of the Commanders were doing the same, talking to the giant Captain about updates with their divisions or missions that needed to be done.
The three listened quietly- well, Sabo listened. Ace and Luffy both got distracted soon after by clouds they decided looked like meat.
It was nice, to not have anything to do. Their chores were done, they finished their sessions, and they didn't have to worry about anything else for the rest of the day. It was still a strange feeling, to not have to do anything, not worry about the tests, not worry about the pain that would keep them awake at night.
It was almost too nice. Borderline strange. So of course, like always, something ruined it.
Luffy hadn't even noticed it was happening. One second he and his brothers were sitting peacefully with Whitebeard and the Commanders and the next, he felt the hot wash of anger suddenly flooding in him. Realistically, he knew that it wasn't him that was angry, after all, he had nothing to be angry about, but that didn't stop the feelings and thoughts that suddenly forced themselves into him.
He didn't even know who he was getting the feelings from, or why, he just knew that he wanted to scream, yell, shout at someone- or even nothing- and when he felt Sabo bump into him gently as he shifted, that anger exploded outward.
"Leave me alone!" Luffy shouted, shocking everyone within hearing range. Sabo and Ace both jumped in surprise at Luffy's suddenly very loud, very angry voice, and they both turned to look at him in confusion along with everyone else on deck.
"Luffy?" Ace asked hesitantly, not sure what was happening.
"Everyone needs to go away!" Luffy shouted again, standing abruptly, Ace and Sabo scrambling up as well. Suddenly, Sabo had an idea of what was happening and began trying to send calming feeling to Luffy, signaling to Ace to keep quiet, noticing the eldest had been about to speak. Luffy was breathing heavily, his fists clenched and face scrunched in anger.
"Its alright Lu, if you want, you can go to our room and calm down," Sabo said in an even, calming tone. Luffy was glaring harshly at everything and everyone but seemed to listen as he began stalking off to their shared room, everyone parting as he walked passed, not wanting to get in his way.
"What was that about?" Namur asked, everyone still shocked about what had happened. Ace, who had also caught on to what was happening, was still projecting as much calm as he could to his retreating brother, keeping an eye on him to make sure he made it to the hall where their room was without incident.
"Someone influenced him." Ace said, finally moving to look at the Commanders and Captain once his brother was out of sight.
"Influenced him? Like his emotions?" Haruta asked.
"Seems like it. Someone must have been pretty angry all of a sudden if Luffy didn't even notice until it was too late." Sabo said, scanning the deck to see if the person was here.
"So that's what happens when he's influenced by anger, yoi?" Marco asked, getting over his own shock at the normally quiet boy being so loud all of a sudden. Not to mention angry.
"Yes. Don't take any offense to his words though. When he gets like that, the smallest thing will set him off, in this case, me accidentally bumping into him." Sabo said with a sheepish smile.
"Its alright son, we understand. It's not his fault. I'm sure managing everyone's emotions all the time can be a difficult task." Whitebeard said with a calming smile.
"How do we calm him down?" Vista asked.
"Send him calm feelings." Ace said simply, still doing just that in case Luffy was having a difficult time calming down alone.
"How do we do that?" Fossa asked, cigar in mouth.
"Its a bit difficult to explain, and you don't know if you're doing it right unless you ask Luffy, but normally Ace and I just think about an emotion we want Luffy to feel too, happiness for example, and then we focus on feeling that emotion and nothing else. Luffy can constantly feel what others are feeling, there's no turning it off, so the more focused on one feeling you are, the stronger it'll be. Luffy will then feel that emotion and it can help him focus on calming down faster then if he tried on his own." Sabo said, trying to explain to the best of his ability. After all, he couldn't feel emotions like Luffy, so even he wasn't completely sure how it worked.
"I'm gonna go check on him. See if he's calming down." Ace said, turning and leaving, heading towards their room. Sabo nodded to him but turned his attention to the Commanders and Captain.
"How often does Luffy get influenced?" Blenheim asked in curiosity.
"It didn't used to happen often, but back then there wasn't much to do, so Luffy had an easier time blocking out others' emotions. Now that we're out, and around so many people, it's become a bit more difficult for him to block strong emotions. If you think about it, before, Luffy, Ace and I just sat in a cell all day. Nothing to do, nothing to distract ourselves with, nothing to think about. Not unless we wanted to think about testing, which was something we did everything we could to prevent." Sabo began explaining, everyone following along easily, some grumbling at the mention of the facility.
"Seeing as he was free to pay attention to anything else, Luffy was able to monitor feelings much easier, especially since there weren't too many people to block, but now, it's much harder to not feel everyone's emotions. He's not able to focus like before on just blocking them out, it takes too much concentration, so he's constantly feeling everyone else's feelings, and when one of them becomes stronger, it's harder to notice if he's not paying constant attention." Sabo finished. He still wasn't completely sure on how it all worked, Luffy was the one who felt these things, not him, but from what Luffy told him, it was the best explanation he could give.
"Is there any way to help?" Blamenco asked, many nodding along to the question. Sabo could tell that they wanted to help any way they could, or at least that's what it seemed like, and it made Sabo wonder- not for the first time- just how different these pirates were to the usual stereotypical pirates.
"I don't think so. You'd have to ask Luffy honestly, but I think its just something he's going to have to get adjusted to. Like when we got our new senses. They were overwhelming and a pain in the ass, but after a while, we grew accustomed to them and we don't really have to worry about them anymore. Hopefully, that's what will happen to Luffy and he'll be able to block emotions better, or at least gain a bit of resistance to others' emotions." Sabo said.
At this point, Sabo heard a familiar footfall and turned to watch as his brothers both stepped back out onto the deck, everyone's eyes on them as they did.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Luffy could feel the anger coursing through him, found that any little thing seemed to be a much bigger issue than it really was. The wind was blowing too hard, his hair kept brushing his face and it annoyed the hell out of him, that seagull was making too much noise, and most of all, there were too many damn eyes on him.
His face was turned down in a scowl as he stomped across the deck, and before he knew it he was opening the door and marching down the hall to his room.
Why did everything have to be so annoying? Why did he have to be so angry? Wait... why was he angry anyways?
As he opened the door to his room, he remembered Ace and Sabo both jumping away from him in shock after he'd yelled. Why had he yelled? Why was he angry again? That previous anger was quickly subsiding, turning into confusion as he tried to figure out just what had set him off, what could have happened to make him angry in the first place?
One second he was sitting on the deck with his brothers, listening to the Commanders talk to Whitebeard, and the next thing he knew he was flying into a burning rage.
Racking his brain, Luffy sat down on the bed and tried desperately to figure out what had happened. He tilted his head back and forth, his face slowly turning red as he thought.
He was snapped out of it when the door opened and Ace walked in a bit cautiously, peeking in first before fully entering the room.
"You so angry your face is red, or are you just thinking too hard again?" He asked, still cautious as he did, but a hint of a smile on his face. Luffy let out the breath he was holding and turned his attention to Ace.
"What happened?" Luffy asked, still completely confused.
"You don't know? Sabo and I assumed you got influenced by someone." Ace said with a raised eyebrow, walking across the room and sitting on the bed beside the youngest brother.
"I did? I don't remember any strong feelings... I was fine, and then I was just really angry." Luffy said, finding that it seemed more and more plausible that someone had influenced him. There were constantly so many feelings around him that he hadn't even noticed someone was influencing him.
"Sounds like you were influenced to me. Besides, you don't normally yell like that unless you're really pissed, and unless you've been holding a grudge against Sabo about something, I'm pretty sure that's what happened." Ace said, lightly bumping shoulders with his brother.
"Mm." Luffy hummed, still not completely sure, but not having any better ideas.
"You didn't notice anyone getting really angry?" Ace asked. Luffy replied with a shake of his head, looking to the floor.
"No, there are so many feelings all the time, I didn't notice any of them getting stronger." The boy said. It was quiet a minute before Ace responded.
"Ah, well, that's alright, I know its probably hard to control it all the time. It's not like there's a switch to turn it off." He said, messing Luffy's hair and smiling reassuringly to him. Luffy gave a small smile back and nodded.
"You wanna head back out? Sabo's still out there explaining what happened." Ace said, nodding toward the door. Luffy frowned again but nodded. He wondered if anyone was mad at him for yelling like that. He hadn't meant to do it, but he knew the pirates might not really understand that. After all, normal people didn't feel other people's emotions like he did.
"Hey, don't worry, no one's mad- at least, I don't think they are. Well, anyway, even if they are, Sabo and I aren't, and that's what really matters. If the others don't understand, its not your fault." Ace said, a hint of a frown on his face. Luffy nodded again but didn't respond, standing up and heading to the door instead. He heard Ace sigh behind him, but stand as well, walking up beside him and grabbing his hand, squeezing it a bit.
"Hey, Lu, listen, its not your fault. Got it? You cant control these things and its not like you asked or wanted this in the first place. If they can't understand that, who cares? Sometimes people might not care one way or another if you can control it or not, they might be angry with you, but you don't need those kinds of people. Sabo and I will never be mad at you for something you can't control. We won't leave you alone." Ace said, trying his best to comfort his brother. He knew he wasn't the best when it came to comforting and the gooey types of feelings, but he hoped he did well enough that Luffy didn't feel bad. It seemed it worked, at least somewhat, because Luffy gave him a smile and nodded, hugging him tightly. Ace smiled and hugged back for a second before clearing his throat, feeling his face start to flush.
"Alright, alright, let's go save Sabo, yeah?" He asked, ruffling Luffy's hair one more time and opening the door. Luffy nodded, looking much more upbeat than before as he grabbed Ace's hand again, the two of them heading back out to the deck. Of course, once they reached the deck, all eyes were once again, as always, on them, but by now they'd become professionals at ignoring the stares and headed straight for where they knew their brother was.
The blonde was already looking their way as they walked towards him, and Luffy's smile brightened even more at the positive feelings Luffy felt being sent his way. He also noticed that the Commanders seemed to be happy to see him too, and he wondered if Sabo taught them how to send him emotions because he could feel the projections of calmness coming from them, even the Captain. It was a nice feeling, and he was even happier that there didn't seem to be any anger towards his outburst earlier.
"Hey Luffy, feeling better?" Izo asked gently, a smile on his painted face.
"Mhm! Sorry for yelling at you guys, I didn't mean it." Luffy apologized sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck as he did.
"Ah, that? It was no big deal. We know it must be difficult to handle everyone's feelings all the time so don't worry about it!" Thatch said, shrugging it off.
And that was that. No one was mad, no one expected anything from him, no one wanted an explanation, nothing.
It made Luffy immensely happy. He wondered if it would always be like this, to have everyone be so understanding. So nice. He hoped it stayed like this forever.
If it did, he would probably be the happiest teen in the world.
Welcome back everyone! As you can see, this chapter was geared very heavily towards emotions, specifically Ace and Luffys, but more-so Luffy than Ace. I wanted to emphasize the change that they're going through and how different it is to the facility for them emotionally. With Luffy surrounded by hundreds of people at all time, he cant exactly filter through every emotion as easily as he could back in the facility when there were only a few dozen people.
As for Ace, hes always had problems with controlling his emotions, so going out of his comfort zone and talking with Whiskey would make him feel a lot of things that would all ultimately turn to anger. When Ace doesn't know how to feel about something, or is feeling too much of something, he turns those emotions into anger instead as a way of coping with them. Of course, this isn't healthy and only goes to show that he needs just as much help from Whiskey as Sabo and Luffy do.
I hope you're all still enjoying this story! In just a few more chapters, things will once again pick up, and from there, it'll be one thing after another for a while. I know these more peaceful chapters aren't as exciting to read as the action-packed ones, but they're still necessary. The brothers have to have moments of peace and relaxation, even if they're brief.
In any case, I'll see you all Friday with the next chapter!