Chapter 09s: Growing Up
Clara and Chris are ganging up on me.
It is never a good sign when they are united.
Especially when they know to close the door and guard it.
"What is it?"
I hide my head under my blanket, turning my head away from them.
I don't want to look at them. Not today. Not even Jelly.
"We want to celebrate your birthday with you, Setsuka."
Chris' voice is soothing. Calm. Caring. Charismatic.
"Don't want to."
This is where Clara speaks up. She never stays quiet. She cares too much to let Chris do the talking.
"We can't give you any gifts if you stay inside your room like this, Setsuka."
See? I called it.
"Don't want any."
I grumble. I know I am being childish. But it is only my ninth birthday. I can still get away with this. I hope.
"We know. But we'd like to give something to you anyway, Setsuka."
Something is brushing over my head. It is a bit hard. But it tickles. I can't stand it, and try to wave it away, but I just feel my hand swatting against something light and papery.
Okay. I'm curious now. I battle it for a moment, but fine. They aren't leaving, and I really don't want to fight with them.
I'd win the fight... but it is not worth the battle.
My hand reaches to the paper that has fallen to the wayside, and I pull it underneath the sheets with me. The bedding doesn't do much to keep the light out, so I can still see what it says.
'Happy Birthday'
Oh. A birthday card. There's some white bunnies on the front. Hand-folded origami. How childish. What a half-baked gift. Such fake parents.
I feel my disappointment mounting, but I'll open it. Maybe there's some bills inside.
'Dear Setsuka,
I am sorry I can't be there for you.
But I think of you always.
Love, Cain.'
It is as if a bomb explodes in my mind. There is so much happiness in my head all of a sudden, it can only leave through happy, gleeful squealing that I ought to be ashamed of.
Nii-san!
He didn't forget!
I lift the paper to my nose, hoping to smell Nii-san's scent.. but even as I do so, I realize I have already forgotten what he smells like. It instantly dampens my happy mood considerably.
"He can't meet with you yet."
Clara's voice sounds surprisingly happy.
Is it because she saw me freaking out underneath the sheets?
Or is it because she wants him out of my life so I'll forget?
Probably the former. She could just not have given me the card if it was the latter. Okay okay, I'll hear her out. My head peeks out from underneath the bedding as I turn towards them.
"Why?"
It is a simple question.
One they always dodge.
Without fail.
"Because..." Chris starts speaking, but I notice that Clara is nudging him on the side. He sighs, frowning a bit, then goes silent as Clara comes to sit at my bed. I'd rather he tell me; he tends to be to the point at least.
"You're nine years old now, Setsuka. And you've settled in well with us. So if you want to know, I think you are ready to hear."
I blink. Really? I can't help but scoot up, sitting up and peering at Clara's expression. She's got a lot of lines on her face, the markings of years gone by. Far more than mom used to have. But she's wrinkley to the point of graying, at least.
She'd be an amazing grandma, I can't help but think for those few moments.
Thankfully she continues. My expression probably gave away more than words ever could.
"That morning, your brother found your mother in her bed. She had passed away overnight, as you well know."
I nod repeatedly, my chin bouncing up and down slightly in light urging of the explanation to move onwards.
"You no doubt know how much he liked your mother. He completely lost it. He went to find your father, who was still asleep in his own room. Distraught as he was, he tried to wake him. Unfortunately.. your father was... not quite awake, let's say. He said something that truly upset your brother."
The story is told with a soft, gentle voice. But most of all, I feel Chris' eyes on me with that same pitying look as the first day I met him.
"Your brother probably didn't even realize when he did it.. but he lashed out. One punch, and your father fell into the coma that he has as of yet not woken up from. He broke a few of your dad's ribs afterwards too..."
I feel my breath catching in my throat. I've known this for a long time. Or well... suspected it. Why else wouldn't Nii-chan be with me? Why wouldn't I hear from him?
Reason always suggested it made no sense for fake-mom and fake-dad to want to separate me from Nii-san if they just wanted to have me. But to think of Nii-san as the person who ruined everything? I can't. Never!
Tears once again escape my eyes. I haven't cried much recently - I thought I had outgrown them. But there aren't enough heart-calluses to stop these tears; I need to cry for Nii-san. I am so sad for him.
Clara's hand rests on my shoulder, and she pulls me closer into a hug. For once, I let her.
"Cry, child.. it is alright. Cry out those tears."
Her voice is soothing me, and I do as she suggests. It takes a while before she continues... or rather, it takes a while for my body to stop shaking.
"The law has no option but to consider him a 'troubled youth'. He is unfit for the system, being a minor. There is no jail.. but he needs treatment. They worry he'll hurt other people."
"He won't."
My voice is firmer now; I have run out of tears.
"Shhh. The law doesn't know that. He needs to let go of his anger. Just like you had to let go of your tears just now, you understand?"
She offers me a small smile meant to lift my spirits. It works just a teensy bit.
"If he tries really hard, maybe he'll overcome his anger some day. Let's hope for that day to come, okay?"
I nod. I feel myself smiling. Refreshed. As if a weight has disappeared simply by knowing the weight that is on Nii-san's shoulders.
He carried me on his shoulders. And now he carries our problem.
He'll make it right.
"Now, shall we go outside to celebrate your birthday? I saw those bunnies on the card... Setsuka, do you like bunnies? We can probably find a white one at the pet store... Jenny is already waiting downstairs."
Just like that, I am somehow cajoled into celebrating the birthday I had decided to ignore. I'm sorry, Nii-san.