[AN
Hey guys! New chapter is there! Sorry for the delay, still lots going on at work, and I feel it won't stop soon. Maybe I'll settle for shorter chapters, or you'll just have to wait a bit more between each ^^
Thanks again for your support, 1,5k views and 14 followers is more I would have expected of this little project of mine, especially for a first try at writing. So thanks again!
And as always, enjoy!
AN]
"Are you sure ma'am? We know it's hard for you, but we need you to focus for a few minutes, please. It's important if we are to catch the one who did it."
"I already told you! I didn't see anything nor anyone! The f***er who killed my husband is still running while you waste your time here! And you're calling yourselves cops? Do you even -"
It was nine in the morning. Helena Frostshard, Raymond's wife, was a seven feet tall polar bear, clad in a long black dress, an old tradition for a widow. Wolfard and Delgato had arrived here thirty minutes ago, for one of the hardest part of a cop's job: interrogating the victim's relatives. So far, all they had gotten were shouts, cries and insults, which wasn't uncommon in such situations.
Mr. Big had been right, Helena didn't have anything to tell them. She hadn't suspected anything, nor witnessed any change in her husband's behavior or habits. They had already reached a dead end, less than two days after the beginning of the investigation. For a moment, Nick's thoughts wandered to Judy.
In their previous murder cases, her kind and overly-emotional nature had always helped with the victims' families, her genuine tears for their pain acting like a soothing balm. With her, they felt understood, even if she was a stranger, and it reinforced the trust between the cops and the regular citizens. It had also helped them a lot, mammals finally able to compose themselves, helping them focus and making them talk more, remembering little details that could prove useful later.
This time though, Judy was missing too. Dark memories began making their way to the surface inside Nick's brain, and he shook his head to get rid of them, locking them away where nobody would know they even existed. His old defense mechanism of never let them see that they got to you was back, stronger than ever. And in front of a giant and really pissed polar bear, keeping one's cool was primordial.
"Ma'am, if I can ask you just one question, please? In private?" The three mammals turned their head to the fox, his words completely out of place for a cop. But the look on Nick's face told them all about his seriousness, and the two cops exited the house. When they were finally alone, Nick sighed and turned to Helena.
"Ma'am, I work for Mr. Big."
.
The bear's eyes widened, before she frowned.
"Wait a second. Why should I believe you?" Her eyes had narrowed, eyeing the now suspicious fox in front of them.
"Because if I lied, I wouldn't know that Raymond had been having nightmare for months after he killed someone for the first time, nineteen years ago, in July, after the jaguar was stupid enough to try and claw him. I believe his name was Caligan, right? He made it clear with Big later on that it would never happen again, and would refuse any job involving weapons."
Helena gasped. Raymond and she had been dating for a year before she understood his real job, and it had nearly ended their relationship. He had insisted on the fact he was just an enforcer, and never hurt mammals – after all, a dead mammal was really bad at paying its due – until she finally accepted to give him a chance. It took him three more years to reveal this part of his past, three years to feel safe enough with her to trust her with this skeleton in his closet. If the fox knew about it, then there was no way he was lying. But before she could answer, Nick raised a paw.
"Ma'am, just to make things clear between you and me about what I said earlier. I AM a real cop. Years ago, I have worked for Mr. Big, and Raymond was the one who brought me to the shrew the first time, when I was down in the gutter. I was just a pawn of course, an anonymous mammal no one would report if I went missing, but thanks to your husband I could get a salary and survive. I will do whatever I can to find the one who killed him, and I have Mr. Big's support. If you still have doubts, call him, he will vouch for me."
Helena frowned, not really liking that an old acquaintance of her late husband had become a cop, but if the fox had any intentions of hunting any of them, he would have already.
"All right, I'll take your word for it for now. But that doesn't change the fact that I didn't lie. I don't know who did it. I haven't seen anything change recently."
"I know. But I don't want to talk about recent events. From what Mr. Big told me, it could have started a year ago. Do you remember Raymond going to Sahara Square or the Rainforest district for a bit longer than usual? Even for a couple days?"
Helena went and sit on her couch, and closed her eyes. She remained still for minutes before she spoke again.
"I'm not sure. I think he did a delivery job there in February or March, and stayed for the night. Said the mammal was nocturnal, and he didn't want to take the risk of driving home in the middle of the night. He was home in the morning, so I didn't care. It wasn't the first nor the last time he had to spend the night away, so I didn't feel worried."
Nick nodded, mentally noting that he would need to ask Mr. Big about this delivery.
"Thank you, ma'am. I know it doesn't sound much, but I'm sure it can be useful. We'll stop bothering you now."
With that, he turned his back and walked to the door, before Helena's voice made him stop.
"If you find him, what will you do?" When the fox looked over his shoulder, he could see the rage in the bear's eyes, as well as her clenched paws. Sighing, he decided he had to be honest.
"If I catch him, he will end in jail. But I share information of the case with Mr. Big, so he may find him before me. If that happens, I guess I won't know about it."
With a last wave, he took his leave. He didn't want to dwell on this topic. When the thought of selling the responsible to Big had crossed his mind, it had made him nauseous. This was against everything he should stand for, and Judy would have been so ashamed of him. She had rubbed on him hard, and even gone he still wanted to be worthy of her. Another wave of memories threatened to submerge him, so instead he focused on his colleagues, waiting for him outside, and the lie he had to find to justify his moment with the polar bear.
Father.
.
Nick was sitting on the edge of his bed, hind paws floating a few inches above the ground.
Father.
.
His elbows on the knees, his head in his paws, hiding his face, he was having difficulty breathing.
Father.
.
His heart was jackhammering in his chest, flooding his already aching brain with too much blood and making his vision blur.
Father.
.
To most mammals, this word was harmless, comforting even. It spoke of warmth, joy, respect, awe, love. A father was important to any mammal's development, and key to stability. While some did manage all right, lots of those who grew up without a paternal figure ended with relationship issues, and Nick was no exception. Running away from home to live on the streets and not be a burden to his mother had only increased his hate towards this world and nearly all the adults around him.
The fact he was a fox had just been cherry on the cake, the natural distrust and resentment others felt towards him only adding to his shutting to the world. With a father at his side he wouldn't have had to run. He would have grown up loved, cared for, provided for, and protected. He would have enjoyed life with others as his father took him places and showed him what he could enjoy in the city.
Father.
.
But Nick barely remembered the mammal. He had left them while he was only four, without warning, without a word. He had come home one evening, packed two light suitcases and exited the house within less than ten minutes. Nick's mother had suffered deeply from the absence, crying every night for months while she thought Nick was asleep.
But Nick hadn't been, he had heard her every night, too young to understand what was really happening. She had told him that his father was gone, and wouldn't come back, but this were only words for the kit he was. With each passing year though, he had matured, and had opened his eyes to the true impact of his father's actions, learning concepts such as loneliness, loss, and financial difficulties. After the junior scouts' incidents, he was left only with anger in his heart.
All of this was his fault. He had been a selfish jerk, breaking their lives without second thoughts. His hatred for the fox had grown exponentially. One year later, he couldn't take it anymore and ran away, leaving an apology note to his mother. He couldn't repeat his father's mistakes, so he had written to her every two weeks afterwards, making sure she knew he was doing well, may it be a lie or not.
He also followed her to his old home regularly, hiding in alleys and using his small frame to stay unnoticed, checking on her well-being, as nobody else would, especially not the one who had abandoned her in the first place.
Father.
.
A year later, he had been taken to Mr. Big's home by one his bears for a very well paid job. The fox hadn't trust the bear, like any other mammal he had ever crossed path with, but judging by the immaculate limo that had come to pick him up, the owner was clearly a very rich mammal, and the prospect of large sum of money was too tempting.
On seeing the fox, Mr. Big's eyes had widened. Sure he had required someone from the streets, someone who would not be missed if things were to go south, but he couldn't believe who was standing in front of him. Nick had thought it was because he was a fox, as it wasn't the first time mammals had reacted this way with him. But now that the shrew had revealed pieces of his past, Nick knew better.
Big had recognized Red in him instantly. Fate, karma, God, no matter what kind of power was behind such an encounter, it had a strange sense of humor. And thus had begun a six-year long employment, until his mother had fallen ill, quickly losing weight and having difficulties walking, without anybody around to help her.
Father.
.
It was not the reunion Nick had been dreaming of, but he had to come back to her, he had felt it, so one evening he had gathered his courage and rang the bell. The rest of the evening had been pure hell, between his shame and her pitiful state, flows of tears switching with unbearable moments of silence. He had managed to convince her to come with him at the hospital the following day, and after bribing a doctor, he finally managed to have her checked.
Things were worse that he had first thought, and despair clutched his heart. When Big asked for the rug, he hesitated for less than an hour before making his decision. His mother was more important than everything in the world. So he tricked the shrew, and gathered the required money for the operation. They had kept her one day and one night in surgery. When the surgeon finally exited the room, Nick was pacing the corridor. One look from the doctor was all he needed to understand his efforts had been in vain. He had lost it all, his family, his job, his money, his reputation. He had hit rock bottom.
All because of one decision from a selfish mammal.
Father.
.
The next winter he nearly died from cold and hunger. He had been saved by Finnick, the fennec fox taking pity of him. A few weeks later, Nick felt he had a debt towards Fin, and so offered his help. At first the fennec had laughed and turned his back, but Nick had insisted. Their first hustle together had been a success, bringing nearly one hundred dollars in one day without any sign of being discovered.
So they had tried again, and again, relying on one another to survive the best they could for the next fifteen years, until one fateful day, in an elephant ice-cream shop. They day his life had been turned upside-down by Judy. One year later, he graduated from the academy, an honest job with a modest salary for most, but a fortune for him. He had kept contact with Finnick, even sending him patrols' itinerary from times to times to make sure he would not be caught. This little guy had saved his life after all.
But Judy had become his world. The bunny had saved him not only from starvation, but from despair. For the first time he had a friend, someone who believed in him, and thanks to her he now had more friends, was invited to parties, and got lunch with colleagues. A normal life. Would he have met her if this mammal hadn't taken this decision so many years ago?
Father.
.
The word echoed in his mind again and again. Tormenting him. After the bomb Big had dropped on him in the early morning and his discussion with Raymond's wife, he was already tired. So after an afternoon of catching up with his colleagues, listening to each team's reports, analyzing what little information they had gathered, and trying to find anything worth digging, he was exhausted, mentally and physically.
Still, sleep evaded him. For the first time since he had learned his father might actually be alive, and a former crime-lord with that, he had time to think about it. And of course, the experience was not pleasant. All his life was playing behind his closed eyelids, a movie so depressing he wished for someone to stop it. Unfortunately for him, his brain was no television, and didn't have a pause button. With each new scene, each new chapter of the disaster he called his life, came the same question.
Would it have happened if only he had been there?
Father.
.
Nick was a wreck inside. A whirlwind of emotions was rampaging in his chest. Anger, fear, hope, sadness, hate, relief, he was facing them all one by one, or all at once, he couldn't tell. Truth is, nobody would have been able to. Judy's loss was too recent, and all he had managed to bottle up those previous months was exploding, empowered tenfold with the news that had befallen on him this day. This was just too much for one mammal to carry alone.
After nearly an hour of mental torture, the fox finally reached his limits. Tears started flowing uncontrollably on his cheeks, and he began trembling from head to toe. His paws clenched, unsheathed claws tearing the sheets. Reaching for his pillow, he buried his head deep in the soft fabric and let it all out, in a shout no sane mammal could ever produce, releasing all the pressure that had accumulated over the months.
Dozens of seconds later he finally fell out of breath, though the sobs shaking his body didn't subside for another moment. Laying still, his head still buried deep in his pillow, the tod's body finally agreed to give up to exhaustion, and with a last sigh, sleep mercifully took him.