Author Note

With ten chapters having made its way to the bigger public and almost as many follows (thank you all!), I feel I should do another quick author note to clear one or two things up that I've had questions about.

My schedule that I briefly spoke about in the Author Note (chapter 01) isn't very strict, but I'd like to explain my logic behind it. It consists out of three basic self-imposed guidelines:

1. One chapter per month. This is my absolute bottom line that I hope never to have to fall back to. This will release even if I do not write anything in that month. It is my commitment to readers that I will always release something to move the story closer to completion, even if it ends up being too slow for anyone to be happy with.

2. One chapter per week. This isn't much given the shortish length of many of my chapters, but I hope for it to fill my need to work on this story semi-regularly without having to risk burning out on this story like I would with a higher release pace. Simply put, I do not wish to have to force myself to write every day to meet commitments, but at the same time keep enough pressure on myself to make sure I don't just drop the story altogether. This is my 'okay, you did well' achievement where I get to feel good about writing again if I haven't written again in a little while.

3. One chapter whenever I finish writing a chapter. This is as simple as it sounds. Whenever I finish a chapter (minus revising, I guess) I will upload whatever chapter needs uploading next for people to enjoy. For you, it may work as a means of gauging my productivity, but for me, it is a way to both keep my buffer from getting too big, and at the same time, I really want excuses to share the later parts of the story to see reactions to it. ;-) There's also a couple of (proof)readers from before I published here who haven't been getting chapters from me anymore, and I'd like to save them from having to wait months before they know what comes next.

The other question is in regards to the chapter naming. Astute readers may have noticed there's a letter that follows the chapter number. This subtly hints at the perspective of the person in that chapter. For example, this is chapter 11s. This means it is a Setsu perspective. I started doing this because I found it quite useful when doing my own cross-referencing, and figured it might be of interest to other readers as well.

Thank you for sticking around all the way to chapter 11! (Next Author Note in chapter 21j? Who knows!)

Chapter 11s: Deja Vu

There's explosions everywhere around me.

It is as if the sky is raining down on me, bathing me in a rain of bright colours and recognizable scent of gunpowder.

One year has ended, and a new one has begun.

I would lie if I said it wasn't beautiful.

Because it definitely is.

But I am scared. Right now, I'm sitting on Chris' shoulders.

And I'm not hating it. I can hear his feet breaking and compressing the fresh snow with every step. I can feel him making sure he's got the right balance.

All while I am holding this little sparkler in my hand. He pointed out several times to be really careful and keep it above his head.

"Not near his face!" Clara shouted once when I nearly messed up when he suddenly started walking; he spooked me with that.

I feel his hands on my legs. They pin me in place. There is no way I can slip.

But the view from here.. I feel as if it is a fake sky.

Honestly, I know what it lacks.

Talking. Banter. Happiness.

Because to me, it should be Nii-san carrying me.

Sure, we tried it last year, before everything happened. And we both ended up falling over because I couldn't sit still.

But that was everything this is lacking.

It is the motions, but not the essence.

It is the experience, but not the lesson.

It is a new year... without Nii-san.

When my feet suddenly hit the snow, I realize my sparkler had gone out a while ago whilst I was reminiscing. I smile apologetically towards Chris - Clara had gone back inside already. She's not a fan of this coldness.

"Do you want to come back inside?"

He inquires this in an agreeable manner; he always gives me a choice. He isn't always happy with my choices, and when I make a one he thinks is bad, he's less likely to give me a choice I like making later.. but he always offers.

"No, she doesn't. Come, pipsqueak, let's go around the block!"

There's Jenny. The one force in this household I really can't say no to. Admittedly, she sometimes reminds me of Nii-san, but it is always in a way that makes me happy. Chris just smiles and ends up going inside, warning us both to be careful.

My hand is dragged along, and I find myself laughing as we sprint on the slippery surfaces. She's letting our impromptu race be an even one; she's got longer legs so obviously she should easily win this.

When she looses her footing on a slippery ice patch and lands face-first into the snow, I burst into laughter whilst passing her and touching the tree at the street corner. She's a bit unhappy, but her eyes betray that she's having fun too.

"Say, Setty.."

She suddenly seems pensive as she looks at me, her hand reaching out to hold my own again when we continue to walk and look at the sky above.

"Is your brother really that amazing?"

"Yes!"

I shouldn't even have to answer the question - she knows how I think about him. Frankly, whenever we talk about something, Nii-san always pops in here or there. I can't help it; he's my brother I shared a good eight years of my life with, right?

".. so.. why isn't he here yet?"

I hear her be careful as she says the words, but I come to a stop as I look at her face.

"What do you mean? He's working hard!"

She frowns. I don't like her frown.

"I remember the day mom and dad went to pick you up. They talked for a while after you had fallen asleep. I remember hearing.. your brother had a six month therapy to go through."

Now I am frowning. I feel the wrinkles forming around my eyebrows.

"So what? He'll come!"

My words are so defensive. Far too defensive. Don't I trust Nii-san? Or do I feel he needs my protecting?

"Of course he will. I'm sorry."

She smiles, but it isn't her bright smile. There's sadness in there. I think she cares. Or she worries. It is quite like her.

She hates seeing me hurt. Honestly, with her around, I don't have the chance to feel hurt in peace.

Jenny is a dependable older sister.

But right now.. she feels everything but dependable.

We continue walking in silence, and I feel her hand tightly gripping mine as we look upwards.

Like I used to with Nii-san.

Just like then, there are these gorgeous flowers of fire that are blooming in the sky.. yet this time, all I see is the wilting as they fizzle out into the dark void of oblivion.