Chapter 13c: The Roadblock
It is strange.
"Despite the darkness of the night, there is always light."
I have felt it strange for a very long time.
"Wandering alone is not the way, allow me to guide you."
But it is only as I practice my lines that I'm finding myself with the calmness to really think about it.
So many months. Yet I haven't even spoken to her on the phone.
"Especially when you are hurt, you need to rely on others."
That is not sensible, right?
"I may be a man of the cloth, but I wasn't always one."
We are siblings. We're both hurting. Yet we are kept apart like a pair of rabid hounds who would tear eachother apart.
"The emotions and frustrations of youth, of tenderness and unfaithfulness... I am well aware of them."
It is like this scene. Of the young pastor and the poor lady in emotional distress. The scene hints towards far more than we are being told.
"So please, let me support you."
And like the scene... I don't think I am being told everything.
I am sure of it. I drop the script down next to me, and leave the room to go find my therapist, Marc. The teacher notices, but doesn't say anything; we are a class of troublemakers, and he knows well that none of us really care or gain anything from detention. In a way... his class is our detention.
As I wander through the hallways, my mind keeps on churning. How do I confront the man? What is it I don't know? Is it.. what I fear the most?
I do owe her an apology. Or an explanation. No. Both. But maybe she needs to be older, first? No. Yes. Well.. it does not really matter, does it? My thoughts just race, and I feel my heartbeat quickening. But unlike the anger that typically pumps my blood through my veins, I find that this time it is a chilling fear that envelopes my entire being.
What if she blames me? What if she hates me for taking dad away? That makes the most sense, right?
Not a moment too soon, I find that Marc is in his little office. Thank god. I don't want to play hide-and-seek with that man, not with my mind and heart enveloped in such a fierce storm of negativity.
"Oh, Cain. We didn't have an appointment, did we?" He calls out warmly as he sees me outside his door.
"No."
My response is simple, but the man is good at what he does. He knows I'm not in the mood for his bullshitting.
"So what can I do for you?"
I meet his eyes whilst consciously unclenching my fist. He has to see that I am improving. Getting better.
"You can tell me the truth."
Because if I don't... he won't tell me.
He pauses for a moment, smiling that proper and calming smile of his as his hand extends to the chair opposite his own.
"I have never lied to you."
"You have not told me everything, either."
I counter his bullshit instantly.
He closes the door to his office and turns back, looking pained.
"Only because you aren't ready."
"Try me."
Despite my bluster, I inwardly prepare for the worst.