Chapter 14s: Impossible

I wonder if they have realized yet.

It doesn't matter.

I've got my backpack. Cake. A map. Sweets. Nii-san's card.

As I hop out of the bus, I know I haven't forgotten anything. I can back out, but I won't. Because I need to know.

"Hey."

I need to see him. I need him to tell me.

"Hey, you. Kiddo!"

Whoops. The driver saw me as I snuck out. Damn beardo! Time to run!

The small plaza in front of the railway station is not very large, but it still takes me a small eternity to find my way into the nearby neighborhood. Not because I don't know where it is, but because a yelling adult gets people attention. One beard yelling at me becomes a beard and a handbag and a mailman and a stupid-looking man dressed like a frog.

Leave me alone!

Little alleys. Bushes. Fences with holes in them. That bus driver had to give up at the bushes, nevermind the rest which weren't anywhere near as motivated.

Nobody needs to know am going to the big city. They'll get in the way again! I don't know how much time has passed by the time I feel safe. There's a lot of branches on this tree, and climbing up it isn't too difficult; Jenny would probably laugh at me.

I didn't climb much higher than the slide at our local playground. The Nii-san I knew would just smile and support me, never mentioned the other dozen branches above me.

Regretfully, I look around as my jaw go through the motions of eating. This unexpected affair has already cost me the lunch I prepared for traveling. The cake was quite good... but I haven't even left town yet! So stupid!

Should I go back and pretend I just went out to play?

Hmm.

No.

Fake-mom and fake-dad are not idiots. I'll just have to deal with it.

If I fail today, I'll try again tomorrow. And I'll make sure to bring twice as much lunch as today. I smile at the thought; fake-mom is really fond of her cake by her tea. That serves you right!

Carefully, I climb back down the tree, and make my way back to the station. Wherever possible, I peek around the corners, because I would feel stupid just getting caught again. Jeffrey especially would recognise me in a heartbeat.

Finally, I am into the station.

Look at me, I'm an adult and I belong here.

Look at me, I'm looking at this big board with departure times that is a head or three bigger than I am.

What are you looking at? Never seen someone read departure times before?

I end up cheating. Someone mentions having to catch the train to the city, and that helps me find the one I need. Convenience trumps my sign-reading pride in this case.

After I climb into the train, I soon find a neat compartment with nobody in it. Good. I don't want any questions anyways. I look out of the window. Those are some dark skies out there. Can you even call those clouds still?

My legs swing impatiently underneath the seat. Come on. I am already delated. Let's just go with the electrical choo-choo and find Nii-san so he can tell me why. Let's go go go go!

But instead, all I hear is the casual chattering of people walking by the train. Entering the train and finding seats. Passing by my little room while I stare outside and try to belong.

The sudden knocking on the glass leading to my compartment startles me to the point of me nearly negating the gravity Nii-san told me about with my buttocks alone.

I look.

Poopieface Jeffrey. Damn it. Why him?

He opens the door.

"We meet again, Setsuka."

His voice sounds tired as he greets me. He has a kind older-brother type of face, but right now, I can only see the face that belongs with that silly hat of his. A serious one.

Stupid hat, serious face. What's the logic behind that anyway?

"Go away. Did they call you?"

I ask, and he answers. Not through his voice, but with a nod as he sits down opposite me. Dear god, not the talk again. He tried that twice before after he realized the fake ones weren't getting anywhere with their talks.

"You can't keep doing this, Setsuka."

I stare outside again, intent on ignoring him.

"Your foster parents are good people. You shouldn't cause trouble for them like this. They always told me how well your parents raised you. Jenny used to always cause trouble for them, and they were really happy to not go through that again with you."

I sigh. I look back. I sigh again. I stare at him.

He doesn't get it.

Fine, I'll explain.

"If you want me to feel guilty, make me feel guilty after I actually make it out of town. There's not much to feel guilty about right now, is there?"

Okay. I was a bit too much of a wise-ass just now, but for whatever reason he ends up laughing. I always knew bobbies are crazy. It explains the hat.

"This train isn't leaving with you on it, love. Or do you think you can give me the run-around for five minutes inside this room? Because that is when the train departs."

Hurriedly, I glance towards the door. Then to the law personified, with his long spindly arms and legs that probably aren't too different.

I feel like crying again. This is another failure, isn't it?

"Okay. I'll come."

I force the tears back down. I'm not going to be snottering.

He smiles, and holds out his hand. "Okay. If you want, we'll just talk for a while before I call your pa.. foster parents, okay?"

Knowing it to be inevitable, I put my hand in his, and we start to walk out of the compartment. There are some other passengers here, people who are looking with those curious and annoyed and pitying eyes.

Jenny at least leaves me in my dignity, not forcing the walk of shame on me. I never realized quite how much until now.. but she really understands a lot of things.

Of course, poopieface Jeffrey is different. Two weeks ago, he talked me out of the computer room in the library when I was trying to find Nii-san's address.

I ended up running away from him when someone spoke to him. He yelled. I think he cussed, even. But twenty minutes later, he was sweaty and frustrated and holding my hand, and then I had no more choice to go home.

So now he clearly won't let me go. I think he'd cuff me, but my hands are too small for those criminal-cuffs of his. I'd just slip out again.

A deep sigh escapes me. I wish he was that much of an idiot. But he isn't.

After we make it out of the train, he guides me to one of the waiting benches and we sit down upon it. It is a bit out of the way - people have no reason to be here given the fact the train is about to leave.

At least his hand isn't sweaty this time. It is just... warm.

"So, am I anywhere close if I guess that you are looking for your brother again?"

I peer back at him, my chin bobbing up and down ever so slightly, admitting to the crime.

"You know you can't see him right now, right? He's having therapy to deal with his outbursts."

"I don't care. I could go to school from waking till sleeping, and I would still have time to talk to him simply because I want to talk to him."

He smiles, but it is one of those meaningless smiles that lack the light in the eyes.

"He has to finish his therapy, though."

"I don't care. I'm going to see him."

"So then you finally figured out where he lives? That's what you were doing last time, if I recall."

My face goes red, annoyed by having my shortcomings pointed out to him by one with as ridiculous a hat as his.

"Someone would know. God would guide me."

He sighs out of frustration. Despite having the face for it, he isn't the Nii-san type. He looks at me like I am a Martian, as if I don't have any common sense.

"This needs to stop, Setsuka. Please. You are worrying a lot of people."

"And Nii-san is worrying me! His card says he thinks of me, but he doesn't! Why wouldn't he call? Why wouldn't he see me?"

I exclaim at him, frustrated at being handled like a fragile little chick! The anger and hopelessness are making my tears appear again. I'm such a hopeless little kid sometimes. I hate it.

"If he's upset with me, I want him to tell me! Not you. Not Clara. Not Chris. Not Jenny. Just him!"

Despite my insistence on not doing so, I end up bawling on the chest of a bobby. I'm so very glad Nii-san can't see me right now - he would really want to get rid of me if he saw this, wouldn't he?