The last few days had brought lazy mornings, and Zuko was thankful for that. No surprise visits from Azula, no frightful dreams churning about in the back of his mind, no unexpected rendezvous with Ty Lee or proclamations from father. Just the morning sunshine, the warmth of the covers, and the occasional chirping of birds. It was peaceful and Zuko liked it that way. He wished every morning could be like this - with ample time to rest and prepare for the afternoon.

Like always, hunger eventually struck, but by now the sun was already so high in the sky that it was best Zuko got up anyway.

He dressed himself, ignoring the secret box hidden among his clothes (he had thought about it, of course, but he couldn't bring himself to use the polish inside), before making his way towards the dining hall. While Azula would surely be practicing her firebending and father barking commands in the throne room, Zuko would be drinking pomegranate juice and scarfing down pastries. Part of him felt bad that he was idle when they were busy doing things of substance, but frankly Zuko was glad there were hours of the day that came with time away from them.

"Hi, mom." Zuko greeted as soon as he entered, happy to see her even though he had been expecting to be alone.

"Zuko. Good to see you up and about" said Ursa warmly, offering Zuko a seat with her hand which he eagerly accepted.

Ursa waved to a servant who promptly went to acquire Zuko's favorites. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah." he said honestly, hoping his food would be brought to him soon.

"I've been worried about you." Ursa continued. "I've barely seen you these last few days."

"I'm fine." Zuko gave an honest answer. Or a mostly honest answer, anyway. The sting of Ozai's decision had left him by now - even Zuko's fiery anger dulled with time. Instead, he just did his best not to think about it - there was nothing he could do about it now. Eventually, he would find a way to be as good as Azula, and win father's love back. Or at the very least he would do his best to try.

"Alright" said Zuko's mother with a smile. "Well, if you ever need my help, I'm always here for you Zuko." she assured. "I know the throne was very important to you. I know you don't usually like to talk about these things with me, but I'm here until your Uncle gets back from his tour."

"I said I'm fine." Zuko repeated, taking the glass of pomegranate juice from the servant without acknowledging them.

"I'm sure you are." Ursa said with a smile. "I only mean for whenever you're not feeling fine."

Zuko looked down at the glass. "Oh. Right. Sorry." he apologized.

"No need to be sorry. Have you been thinking about school at all? It'll be starting soon." Ursa changed the subject, knowing that Zuko would talk about his troubles if and when he wanted to.

"No." he admitted. "I... have a lot on my mind." he managed.

Ursa nodded. "Of course. I was just thinking we'd get you fitted for a new uniform and get your hair done today. I can't have my boy going to his first day back without looking handsome." she said, looking at Zuko's untied hair which had gained a few inches over the summer.

"Do I have to?" he asked, inwardly cringing at the thought of his mother giving him a makeover. Zuko didn't want to be handsome. School was just school, it was about learning not looking 'clean' and 'handsome'. He didn't know why his mother insisted otherwise.

She raised an eyebrow. "Well it's only a few days away, and I figure you'll be distracted when Mai comes over on sunday." she explained.

"I look fine mom. I don't need a haircut."

"Maybe to you you do, but I can see your split ends from here." Ursa said with a smile. "Don't worry, it won't take long. Just a little styling and a trim, I promise. You'll feel good about it afterwards."

"I don't want to." Zuko said bluntly. "I don't feel like it."

Ursa sat back. "Well, you don't have to do it today." she conceded, not wanting to push her son while he was still hurt by the loss of his birthright. "Maybe we can talk about it again next week." she said warmly.

Silence for a moment.

"What if I didn't want to do it next week?" Zuko asked.

"Well, I suppose we could do it the one after, but-"

"What if I wanted to grow it longer. Like Azula's"

Ursa considered for a moment. "It wouldn't be proper. Boys your age shouldn't bother themselves with long hair. It'll only serve to get in the way - trust me, I know. Not to mention the dreadful things the other boys would say about you."

It never got in Azula's way, Zuko remarked to himself before pausing to think. Mother was right about one thing though, the boys at the academy had picked on others for far less. Sometimes Zuko didn't even understand what it was they found so amusing about him, only that they derived great pleasure in its mockery.

"Well, why can't I by taught at home then, like Azula?" Zuko asked.

Ursa huffed. "Your father doesn't think you're ready." she said with obvious disapproval. For the last two years, Azula had been taught by masters and tutors from all across the Fire Isles. Despite only being in the 9th year at the time, she had 'learned all the academy could teach her'. Of course, Zuko was not afforded the same treatment. He could write and do sums beyond his years, but it was only firebending and battle tactics Ozai was concerned with.

"What do you think?"

Ursa looked down at her lap for a moment, before looking up "I think you don't need your sister's hair to match her skill with fire. You can learn to do that just as you are."

Silence for a moment as a servant delivered a tray for Zuko.

"Yeah, you're right." Zuko said quietly, not sure what else there was to say. For some reason Ursa's words struck him like a blade made of ice, thrust inside of him and then twisted hard. He felt stupid. Azula wasn't better than him because of painted nails, long hair, and pretty dresses. She was better because she was better. Any notions to the contrary, however concrete-seeming they were before now seemed childish.

...

"Something wrong?"

"No."

"You aren't touching your meal."

"Oh." Zuko responded, as if he just noticed it was there.

"Don't worry." Ursa stood up, recognizing her cue to leave her son in peace. "We can talk about setting up an appointment later. There's no need to do it right now." she assured. "And I'll talk to your father about getting you some tutors at home." she added, before giving Zuko a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the head.

"You will?" he asked, looking up.

"I think you deserve them." Ursa said honestly, happy to see her promises had brought Zuko a momentary respite.

"Thanks, Mom." he said, watching her leave.

Zuko barely ate as he pondered.

He couldn't believe his own naiveté. Had he really though that he would be given respect and reverence like his sister if he just looked like her? He would have been lucky not to have been laughed at. It would have just been weird.. What other boy painted their nails? Wore lip-stick? Mother was right, the boys at school would have mocked him, and deservedly so. He would have been like a dog's meow. A flying rhino-cow. A fish's poetry. A contradiction.

Wasn't it fun?

I suppose. But that doesn't change anything.

The fact that he was doing this was stupid. Not that Zuko didn't have anything to apologize for, no, he certainly did. It was the fact that he had created this situation in the first place. Of all the things to be made to apologize to Azula for, this had to be the most foolish. Zuko would vastly prefer to have to apologize for something cool, like having injured her in a sparring match. Not having stolen from her wardrobe because he felt inadequate.

Finally, he found himself standing in front of Azula's door.

The last time Zuko was here he nearly got himself into a duel. Now he stood with yet another difficult set of words on his lips. Somehow, Azula's door never brought anything good. That never seemed to stop him from coming back, though.

Knock Knock

There was a long pause before the door opened, revealing the familiar face of Azula. "Zuko." she acknowledged, almost emotionlessly. "Something you need?"

"No." Zuko answered honestly. "I just wanted to apologize."

"Apologize?" Azula said, half a question, half surprise.

"For coming into your room. Putting on your clothes." he said slowly, trying not to stutter each painful word. "I'm sorry. It was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it."

Silence for a moment.

"Well, you'll find no disagreement here." Azula said finally. "I accept your apology."

"You do?" Zuko asked, having expected her to make some kind of demand of restitution of him before she would accept.

"Though very strange, to be sure, truthfully your intrusion was only a mild annoyance. You meant no harm." she said honestly. "I trust your session with Ty Lee was more fruitful than your cloak-and-dagger adventure in here?" she asked.

"Actually..." he paused, contemplating his next words. A small part of him begged him not to continue. "I wanted to talk to you about that too." he said. "I don't think I'll be needing any more of Ty Lee's time."

Azula gave Zuko the strangest look he had seen her give him in a long while. Her brows furrowed and her eyes seemed to look right through him. "...are you sure?"

"Yeah." Zuko affirmed. "I... I was just being stupid. I thought that maybe, if I was like you, I'd be better. I'd be happier. Sometimes I wish I was you." You are everything I want to be. Everything I should be. People respect you because you're smart and powerful. You always do the right thing.

"And..." she prompted.

"I was wrong." he admitted. "I can't fix my problems by running away and trying to be something other than myself." he said dramatically, his words more confident than ever despite his mind's hidden doubts.

"...are you sure?" Azula asked again, again giving him that look.

"What?"

"You're different, Zuko" she said. "Trust me, I understand the need to hide it, deny it to others. But you shouldn't deny it to yourself. That won't do you any good." she finished with a eerie seriousness that Zuko hadn't heard from Azula since three nights ago.

"I don't understand." he said honestly. "It isn't part of me... it's part of you!" Zuko exclaimed.

"So when you came in here, you wanted to look exactly like me?" Azula asked.

"Well... no." he scratched his head. "Just kind of like you, I guess. Strong." Zuko said, trying to suppress his own cringe at the last word.

Azula raised a hand to her head, as if to ponder something. "And you believed a skirt and some lipstick would make you look strong?"

Zuko suddenly wished he wasn't having this conversation. "...I know, it was stupid." he said, hoping his sister wouldn't burst out in laughter and further compound his embarrassment.

Silence for a moment.

"And you're sure that's why you did it?" she asked.

Zuko looked into Azula's eyes (seeing nothing enlightening, as usual), trying to understand her strange reactions. "Why do you keep asking me if I'm sure?" he asked. This was not how Zuko thought this would go.

Azula shrugged. "No reason, really. I just find all this strange, is all." she lied. "Very well, I'll tell Ty Lee not to bother you on sunday. Is there anything else?"

"No. Thank you." Zuko said plainly, nodding his head before making his way out the door.

Somehow he felt as though he had just made a huge mistake.