After the news torrented through the school about the mass prison escape, Umbridge came up with a new rule to stop the students from even asking questions.
"Mr. Weasley's, refocus your attention at once!" Umbridge's voice snapped from the front of the classroom but I didn't bother to look up since I already knew the twins were playing exploding snap.
Lee smartly put his hand into the air and I gave him a sideways glance to tell him that he was flirting with disaster to goad her even more than the twins already were. But Umbridge called on Lee anyway and he proceeded to tell her that she wasn't allowed to stop the twins since it went against her new rule of the teacher's not discussing anything other than class material with the students.
"So, you're joining me for detention tonight?" I smirked at Lee while he only frowned.
By now all my friends knew about the scars on my hand so Lee knew what he had landed himself in. He didn't say anything about it though, I guess knowing how many times I had gone through the medieval torture of detention with our Defense teacher, so he trudged along quietly that night as we made our way to her classroom.
I thought Umbridge might make some snide remark to Lee about us being friends but she seemed pleased enough by Lee's soft whimpers. I cringed inwardly, thinking she must really have a penchant for torturing students since she never looked this satisfied when it was just me. I figured it must be since I never made a peep whenever I was in this room writing lines in my own blood.
"How the hell do you do it Marnie? She's sick that woman, and you've been here for almost a month's worth of detentions when you put it all together," Lee rubbed his hand gingerly as we made our way back to the common room just before curfew.
"I just don't want to give her any satisfaction. And I know it's stupid but getting under her skin is satisfying for me. I know I piss her off so I'll take the scars that come along with it," I replied honestly and saw a look of admiration pass over Lee's face as we came up to the fat lady's portrait.
Lee gaped a little but we went over to the couches where our friends were all sitting before Lee could come up with a response.
Katie had two bowls of Murtlap waiting and we each graciously took one. Fred's eyes stared at the dried blood ebbing into the milky liquid but he had since stopped saying anything since he knew I would just roll my eyes. But his worries had become more evident since my hand now looked even worse than Harry's and I never seemed too overly put off by this. I only ever got upset whenever someone else landed themselves in detention.
I watched Katie fuss over Lee and he let her, probably playing it up a bit more for her affections. I rolled my eyes at this but neither of them noticed.
"So you want to watch their practice with us tomorrow?" George spoke from beside me and I nodded absentmindedly.
I had no idea what day tomorrow was but remembered Angelina mentioning she was holding a practice. The days mixed together in my mind, filled mostly with studying and classes, with my detention always at the end.
"Ange, can't you hold practice on Sunday instead? It's both Valentine's Day and a Hogsmeade weekend tomorrow," Lee whined but Katie scolded him.
Despite Angelina being as put out as Oliver had been two years ago, both of the other girls took quidditch just as seriously, especially with the loss over three of their teammates since the last game.
"Right, tomorrow is Saturday," I stated instead of repeating what Lee had just said.
I looked over at Fred, expecting to see that he had also forgot that tomorrow was Valentine's Day but he just shrugged.
"Valentine's Day is just an overpriced excuse for snogging Lee," Fred scoffed and I smiled back at him.
I truthfully hadn't given it much thought, but my shortness of breath told me I didn't want to participate in any of the festivities.
"I wish everyone thought of it that way," Harry flopped down in front of the fire looking rather dejected at hearing Fred's comment.
"Trouble with that girl of yours?" Fred arched his eyebrows and smirked.
Harry grimaced, looking like he was fighting against how he really wanted to answer. This was the first time I had seen Harry looking anything other than dumbfound at the mention of Cho, so I allowed myself to pique in hopeful interest; I really was the worst sister whenever it came to Cho Chang.
"Let me guess, you got roped into going to Madam Puddifoot's tomorrow," George smirked and Fred's eyes lit up mischievously.
Harry's grimace was enough confirmation, sending both twins into howls of laughter. In turn, Harry was annoyed and sulked off before anyone could give him any more grief.
XX
The next day I woke up feeling hollow but pushed it down while ignoring all the love struck couples holding hands and hurrying with breakfast before they headed down to Hogsmeade. I was happy Fred didn't seem fazed by the date and made no effort to show any more displays of affection than was normal.
"Alright you lot, down on the pitch in five," Angelina ordered before she got up to head out with Alicia and Katie following her.
Lee scowled but didn't voice his obvious annoyance by the situation since Katie didn't seem to share his sentiments that they would be missing out on Valentine's Day.
When Ron finally got up to leave I saw Harry bow his head and then trudge over to the Ravenclaw table towards a very eager looking Cho who was obviously waiting for him. I turned my head and let Fred lead me out after Lee and George since the four of us decided to watch the practice in lieu of going to Hogsmeade. It was a little disappointing to think that the four of us might have outgrown the excitement of visiting Hogsmeade but the truth was that we had gone so many times that it didn't hold as much excitement as before. Plus, seeing all the couples wasn't something I really wanted to do.
However watching the Gryffindor quidditch practice wasn't much better when it ended with Angelina in near tears.
"Well… that was a bloody disaster," George bowed his hand and Fred and I could only nod in agreeance.
The two new beaters were noticeably amateur, especially when I knew how seamless the twins always carried out their maneuvers. Ron also carried his self-doubt plainly and once the first goal went in he didn't save any of the others that the girls tossed his way, even when they let up a little.
We ran into Harry and Hermione on our way into the school and Hermione let on that there was going to be a DA meeting since it was less conspicuous to meet up with all the couples idling around the school and other students coming back from Hogsmeade.
I perked at this, wanting a distraction from the dull aching in my chest that I hadn't been able to shake since yesterday. Fred squeezed my hand which brought me back to the present and I wondered if he knew just how uncomfortable I had been all day. But he remained quiet and his typical cheerful self all the way up to the Room of Requirement. Harry was already in there but I found it surprising that he was standing separate from an emotional looking Cho. Before I could stop myself, I let a soft smile cross my face but neither of them were paying much attention to me to notice.
Angelina's eyes were a little puffy when she entered with Katie and Alicia a little later on, but none of us mentioned what we were all obviously thinking. It wouldn't be helpful to state to Angelina just how awful the practice had been just like I didn't want to be told just how obviously I wanted this day to be over.
"Alright everyone, I thought we could try a more advanced spell today," Harry got everyone's attention right off the bat.
They hung off his every word as he explained how to perform a Patronus before letting everyone split off and try it for themselves. I watched carefully as a few of the upper class men, including Alicia, cast a non-corporeal Patronus on their first try. I doubted whether I could muster enough happiness, remembering being attacked by hundreds of dementors in my fifth year while trying to save Sirius. Today my mind tugged even more with my grief but I had never cast a corporeal Patronus and suddenly I felt I had something to prove.
First, I thought of all the pranks I had ever pulled off with the twins and the feeling I always got whenever it was the three of us together.
"Expecto Patronum," a white mist emitted from the end of my wand and I frowned.
As soon as I felt disappointed the wisps disappeared. I ignored Fred's encouragement and refocused my thoughts, effectively forgetting that I had been missing Cedric all day.
Next I thought of the day Harry came to live with us, how happy I had been when he agreed to have me for a sister. The looks of pure joy on my father's face that first Christmas and how natural it felt having Harry in our home ever since that first Christmas.
"Expecto Patronum," the white mist started to take shape but it was still too hazy to make out the creature it was trying to turn into. It was small and rose into the air but it didn't hold out before dissolving into wisps once more.
I inhaled deeply, knowing I was getting close and steeling myself for opening my mind to the memories I could feel rising up against my resolve.
Like a small shove inside my brain, I let myself think of the familiar pair of caramel eyes framed under light brown hair. His smile was clear in my mind and I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I concentrated my mind and remembered the happiness I shared with Cedric, how he taught me how to fall in love and care for someone so completely. Whereas my relationship with Fred was founded on a fierce sense of loyalty, mine with Cedric had been gradual and easy. I knew I loved Fred, maybe more that I should at this age during this time, but loving Cedric had been effortless and I missed that. I missed laughing and forgetting my worries whenever we were with one another. I remembered falling asleep with Aster on my chest and always being reminded of him. I remembered dancing with him at the Yule Ball and falling asleep in the heat of his arms. As painful as my grief was, I let the happiness I felt with Cedric fill me up with contentment and remind me that it was okay to remember him with good thoughts. This way, I felt less guilty being with Fred and could let myself love someone else since it was something entirely different. Being in love with Cedric was effortless and comfortable, being in love with Fred was fiery and certain.
I opened my eyes, seeing his caramel eyes disappear on my eyelids, and smiled.
"Expecto Patronum!"
A hummingbird took off from the end of my wand and I smiled in sheer joy at seeing it. It's wings reminded me of a fairy, making me remember how Cedric always called me a fairy and of how Aster's wings felt whenever I pet them.
"Wow, Hare! You've got it!" Fred exclaimed proudly as he, George and Ginny came over to watch it.
The small bird flew around the room, mimicking the flighty nature of an actual humming bird before it disappeared back into the tip of my wand.
"That's really good Mar!" Angelina came over, looking more at ease than she had all day.
Maybe being forced to focus on happy memories was as therapeutic for her as it had been for me.
"Alright everyone, really good job today!" Harry's voice cut over the excitement and I realised it must be nearing curfew.
Everyone congregated around Harry to ask about the next meeting and then wait for him to give them the go ahead to leave in pairs. I wanted to talk to Harry about his interview with Rita Skeeter that I hadn't really allowed myself to think about but was interrupted when I was intercepted by the last person I wanted to talk to. Her eyes looked moist and I started to panic that I might actually have to comfort her and was wholly unprepared for what I could even say.
"Isn't it just awful, your first Valentine's without Cedric," Cho choked up and I couldn't fathom why she was bringing this up to me or why she was surprisingly sad about this particular issue.
All the excitement I felt at casting a Patronus died on my lips as my stomach lurched. My knees shook and I clenched my fists and stuffed them into my pockets. Valentine's Day had never been a big deal, especially since in my fourth year it was the day I was petrified by a gigantic snake. But here she was voicing the one thing I didn't want to hear today; a reminder that my ex-boyfriend was dead.
"Chang, what the hell did you just say to her?" I was brought back out of my thoughts feeling Fred's hand on my shoulder.
I was a little surprised he knew I was upset but then I realised just how badly I was shaking despite my lack of tears.
"I heard her, she just bloody well brought up Cedric," Ron came forward with his face flushed in anger.
I had a hard time focusing and saw Harry behind Ron looking disgusted. Wasn't Cho supposed to be ogling over my brother instead of bringing up Cedric. Of course most of the school had some sort of emotional reaction to losing Cedric, even on sheer fear alone that a student had died at Hogwarts. But how Cho was saying it was like she was the one with a dead boyfriend and it was too much for me to comprehend, especially when the Ravenclaw seeker had been nothing but petty to me before now.
"Back off Chang!" another unexpected voice came to my aid and I felt him clasp his hand almost protectively over my shoulder. "You have no idea what it's like to love someone this much and lose them. You can pretend all you want that losing a crush is the same thing but Marnie and Cedric went out for over a year, so back the hell off."
His hand was firm on my shoulder and then I was being dragged out with him before I found my voice. He was visibly shaken and I could see just how angry he was. I didn't know exactly why he was responding like this, but it was an agreement between us that no one, except maybe Harry who was present at the time of the murder, really understood our level of loss.
Liam didn't wait for Harry's all clear, but it was just us with Natalie steps behind us so it wouldn't look out of the ordinary. Except for the fact that I hadn't hung out with them since last year.
"Liam, you alright?" Natalie voiced her concern when we were in the Entrance Hall, the half-way point between our two common rooms.
"Sorry," Liam seemed to snap out of his heated anger at the sound of his girlfriend's voice and finally let go of my shoulder.
It was slightly painful where he had been holding onto me but I let that pain ground me out of the flooding thoughts running through my mind.
"Marnie, how about you? That girl is a bloody nuisance, this isn't the first time she's said something in front of us but nothing like this before," Natalie's eyes were full of concern and I realised how much I missed her company.
She had always been kind and talking with her was always easy.
"It's alright," I shrugged, choking out the couple of words.
"Hare?" I heard my name being called out from the top of the stairs before seeing Fred run down them two at a time. "Everything okay?"
His eyes stared at me and waited for my answer. I found I couldn't really talk with all my flooding thoughts so I nodded and let him pull me into an embrace. I could tell from the direction we were standing that Fred was looking at Natalie and Liam.
"Newton," Fred called Liam by his last name. "I'm sorry for your loss."
Fred's words were unexpected and I couldn't see either his or Natalie's reaction from the confines of Fred's chest. I had wondered before just how Fred deals with my loss over Cedric since they really hadn't been very close. So maybe this was Fred acknowledging that there was someone more attuned to understanding it than him, and he had to respect that.
No one answered right away but I finally heard Liam clear his throat before he spoke.
"We all have to look out for each other right?" Liam sounded less emotional than I would have thought and I wondered if Natalie had helped him to heal just as much as Fred had helped me.
"Yea, that's why we're part of the DA," Fred sounded solemn but sincere and I wrapped my arms tighter around him.
Nothing more was said and I couldn't bring myself to feel self-conscious since Fred's arms felt so comforting around me. Shortly after I heard two sets of retreating footsteps and I wondered if I would be seeing more of them in the future or if Liam and I would continue with our original agreement.
"Let's go to bed," Fred whispered in my ear after a while and I only nodded again.
To anyone else this probably sounded inappropriate but I knew Fred was only being supportive and wouldn't let me deal with this alone tonight. But a part of me even wondered if Fred also needed to be supportive right now, to feel my love in return when someone else had brought up Cedric and my relationship right in front of him.
I clasped his hand tightly and hoped it conveyed everything I couldn't say. Using Cedric's memory for the Patronus had allowed me to let go of him a little more and accept that I loved Fred in an undeniable way that even made me want to move on, however slowly.