Zuko did his best to control his breathing as he had been taught. Not with much success, however, as he had never taken breathing exercises very seriously. He didn't understand how it could make you calmer or improve your chi or whatever to the degree everyone said it did. That said, in times like these Zuko took whatever advice he could.
The Fire Academy always made Zuko nervous somewhat, but knowing that all his classmates would have heard the news by now made him especially anxious. While he was never particularly well liked, being the Crown Prince gave him respect from both the instructors and the students. Now that would be gone. They could be as mean as they wanted to now.
And as much as Zuko wished that people would just ignore him and focus on themselves, he knew that they wouldn't. They found it fun. Whether it was throwing his lunch in the trash bin or challenging him to fights he couldn't win, they got enough out of it that they wouldn't just stop out of boredom and go do something else. He was their entertainment. And while he didn't understand how exactly, he knew that the recent news would only make it more fun on their part. They loved to kick people who were down.
Zuko wished he was strong enough to fight back and win. He tried to be, it was his responsibility to deal with his own problems after all. But no matter how much he tried they were always better, stronger, or more numerous. They always seemed to have the trust of the teachers, probably because they were better at words than him. They knew how to sound innocent. When Zuko said something he always sounded guilty.
He could only hope that today was uneventful. It was the first day after all.
It was new. And Zuko hated new things. The classroom was new. The instructor (who gave him an almost pitied look as Zuko did his customary fist-in-open-palm salute) was new. Zuko had advanced a year, which meant everything he had grown accustomed to last year would be swept away. Well, almost everything. The oath never changed.
My life I give to my country.
With my hands I fight for Firelord Ozai and his forefathers before him.
With my mind I seek ways to better my country.
And with my feet may our March of Civilization continue.
Zuko said the words as he always did, with the same steadfast devotion. He did believe in them, unlike some of the other kids who just said it because they were told. Though it was always a bit awkward to call his father by name. Ozai. When he was younger he'd sometimes substitute in 'My Father' which occasionally got him disciplined by the teacher.
Now that everyone was sat down and the instructor's attention focused more on their teaching Zuko had the chance to see who had made it this year. Plenty of people he vaguely recognized, a few he didn't. Every once and a while someone in front of him would steal a look at him, as though a fallen prince would look different than he did when he still had his title. He couldn't help but feel ashamed with every glance.
Ru was here, which was nice. Ru was always friendly to Zuko, not just giving him the platitudes that his station demanded of him. Zuko had been worried that he wouldn't make it into the advanced division this year, what with the reduction from forty students to thirty-six. However clearly he had managed to do better in the trials than he thought he could. Zuko looked forward to catching up with him after class.
"Zuko, why don't you explain the concept Noblesse oblige to the class." the instructor prompted, breaking Zuko out of his thoughts.
"Umm.." he trailed off, resisting the urge to ask 'What?'
The instructor sighed. "Were you not paying attention?" he asked pointedly.
"N-No." Zuko lied. "I just don't know what that means, Instructor." he managed, his admission earning him the laughter of some students sitting behind him.
"Very well." he said, turning to ask someone else while Zuko breathed a sigh of relief that his lapse in attention hadn't gotten him disciplined. "Ah, Chin, why don't you explain?" the instructor asked, picking his hand as nobody else had raised theirs.
"Noblesse oblige describes the idea that those of high station aren't just entitled to greater privilege, but also obligated to act with greater honor, charity, and mercy. Or, more simply 'with great power comes great reponsibility'." he answered, giving a bow of respect to the instructor before sitting down.
"An excellent answer, Chin. Now, if someone could please summarize the criticisms of-"
Zuko zoned out again as the instructor asked further questions and turned his head back to look at Chin, who was whispering to his friends who periodically took a glance at him.
Unlike Ru who he called a friend, or the other students who ignored him for the most part, Chin and his friends had always taken an interest in Zuko. The reasons changed from year to year, so Zuko had come to realize it wasn't anything he did to Chin to earn his ire. He had tried several times to apologize for the slights and dishonors that he had committed over the years, however that only seemed to make things worse with him, every time Chin used his weakness against him, making him seem stupid and weak in front of others instead of accepting his apologies or peace offerings.
Zuko had come to fear praise and awards, for whenever he received one Chin would be there to remind him that he didn't deserve it, he only got them because the school was showing deference to the crown. Zuko didn't really believe that, he worked hard for the things he did get, though part of him could empathize with being angry at someone who always seemed to get more than they deserved.
Zuko was hoping that with the loss of his title, they'd have less to be angry at, though his eagerness to answer that question after he could not make Zuko think otherwise.
Thankfully for Zuko, the remainder of the morning passed without incident as everyone in the room focused less on the novel attraction of the fallen prince and more on their own studies. As their immediate interest in him faded, so did Zuko's fears and he too was eventually able to engross himself in his studies which made time go by considerably quicker. As such, it didn't take long in Zuko's mind for the clock to strike twelve and everyone to be dismissed for afternoon break.
While others made their way to the canteen for food, Zuko went straight to the edge of the school, to the treeline beyond the courtyard on the edge of campus. Not a popular spot by any means, but it's where he and his friends often hung out. Well, mainly him an Ru, though other people sometimes showed up when they didn't have anything else to do.
"Hey." said Ru, who had somehow beaten him to their spot in spite of the fact that they had left from the same place. "I heard the news." he said bluntly. "You okay?" he asked, having heard from Zuko many times before that him and his sister weren't on the best terms.
Zuko sat down on the grass and began unpacking his own lunch. "Yeah." he answered simply, not really sure how to answer. On one hand, Zuko had other things on his mind - and on the other, he felt as though he should be more distraught with the news than he currently was. "I just hope nobody else here makes a big deal out of it."
"Fat chance of that." Ru said quickly as he mirrored Zuko and began his own lunch. "I heard some people talking on the way over, it's on everyone's minds." he explained, causing Zuko's heart to drop.
"I figured."
"Don't worry about it though, it doesn't bother me one bit." he said, noticing Zuko's glum look. "I always figured your sister would try something like this one day, based on what you told me about her. You gonna get it back from her?" he asked, hoping that his friend's situation would be a temporary one.
A pause. Since the day of his father's decision, Zuko hadn't actually thought about making a coherent plan to re-earn his birthright. "Yeah." he said, figuring it's what he had to say. Princes weren't supposed to roll over and accept that the throne wasn't theirs, prodigal sister or not.
"Thought so. I don't know if there's anything I can do, but if you need any help from me just let me know." Ru reassured Zuko, sensing his obvious unease at the subject.
Zuko nodded, not sure what to add to that and frankly wanting to change the subject. "So, what's been going on with you?" he asked after a moment of silence.
"Well, my Dad's happy I got accepted into the advanced division again. He thinks I'll make a fine officer one day." he said.
"You haven't told him you want to be an artist yet?" Zuko asked.
Ru shook his head. "Nah, I figure I'll wait until I get accepted into an arts school before I tell him. I don't want him going into my room and taking all my supplies." he explained.
Zuko nodded. "Make sense." he said. "Any new paintings?"
"Yeah, actually." he answered, his voice suddenly upbeat. "I managed to convince my sister to pose for me while I paint, so I've been doing a lot more people now." Ru explained. "She gets exhausted after a while but I give her some of my allowance to make up for it. Next time you come by I can show you what I've done."
"Sure thing." said Zuko with a faint smile. Ru always liked him complimenting his paintings.
Ru smiled. "Sweet. What about you, what's been happening outside this feud with your sister?" he asked as he finished eating.
A pause.
"Nothing much." Zuko answered half-honestly. "I spent most of the summer relaxing."
Ru nodded. "I feel that. Did you get to see that girl of yours again though?" Ru asked, taking a moment to remember her name. "Mai?"
Zuko's expression turned cold. "Yeah." he answered simply, absentmindedly packing up his own lunch while trying not to think about it.
"That bad huh." he said with a smile. "I wouldn't worry about it, though. Even second in line, a Prince like you ought to meet a lot of girls. One of them will take a fancy towards you." Ru tried to reassure him.
A long pause as they both stood up.
"It wasn't that." Zuko admitted. "I was the one who said no."
"Wouldn't have expected that." said Ru, trying not to sound too shocked. "What made you change your mind?"
There was a pause and the two began walking.
"I don't know." lied Zuko, having a sudden surge of change-the-subject desire again. "I guess I didn't feel ready."
"You didn't feel ready?" Ru echoed, unable to mask his own surprise.
Zuko cringed. Azula was right, he was a terrible liar - with each word he dug himself a bigger hole. "Look, I don't want to talk about it, okay!" he declared, in a much louder voice than he had originally intended.
Ru threw up his hands in the air. "Alright, alright, fair enough. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." he assured Zuko. "I just think you should know that everyone feels a little intimidated the first time around, you know? It's just like anything else, it takes a few tries to get right. Except with girls everyone acts like they're a know-it-all to look cool, even though they get just as nervous as everybody else."
Zuko didn't say anything as he considered Ru's words. He had definitely felt nervous yesterday, that was for sure. Even thinking about girls could give Zuko the butterflies. Was it just that he felt the same way as everyone else, and needed to get over it? I suppose that could be true, Zuko thought to himself. This wouldn't be the first time he had come up with reasons to second-guess himself only to discover they didn't make any sense after the fact.
Somehow that didn't reassure Zuko as much as he hoped it would.
"Look," Ru spoke again. "I'm not trying to say you made some big mistake or anything. Just, next time when an opportunity rolls around, consider what I said ok?"
Zuko nodded. "Okay."
"Don't worry about it." Ru assured. "I bet you still have a chance with her anyhow - she's probably hoping you'll change your mind."
Zuko was just about to apologize to Ru for being so weird when his face hit the dirt and his ears developed a faint ringing.
"What in Agni was that for?" he heard Ru's voice from above him as he tried to get up.
"What was it for? Your little friend here stole Ji's spot in the advanced division, and now his dad's shipping him off to be a boarder." said the familiar voice of Chin.
Ru stood in between Chin and Zuko. "What? He didn't steal his spot, your friend is just an idiot." he shot back.
"Oh, come on." Chin waved his hand dismissively. "You were there when he did his firebending exam. There are people two years younger who could do better. It's a wonder he wasn't held back a year after how he flubbed that last stance!" he said, flailing his arms wildly in an attempt to imitate Zuko's alleged poor form, laughing as he did.
"That's not true!" Zuko shouted, back on his feet.
"Oh yeah, wanna prove it, pretty boy? The arena's just that way. You can show everyone just how not true it really is." Chin pointed behind him.
Ru stepped forward so that him and Chin were just inches apart. "Zuko has nothing to prove to you."
"What are you, his mom? I wasn't asking you. What do you say, 'Prince' Zuko?" he said, tilting his head in Zuko's direction.
"I'll only accept your challenge if your promise not to cheat!"
Chin laughed. "Tough words for a guy who only made it cause his daddy is the Firelord. It's fighting, there's no such thing as fairness, only winning." he said in a way that reminded Zuko of his sister.
"Throwing sand in someone's eyes isn't firebending!" Zuko said angrily.
"Yeah? Well being royalty isn't firebending either, but here you are, in the advanced division. More like the nepotism division." Chin shot back. "But I guess we'll find out, won't we? Now that your pretty sister stole your spot, the principal doesn't have a reason to give you such special treatment anymore."
"I'm not getting special treatment!" Zuko insisted, frankly just wanting Chin to go away.
"Yeah man, Zuko fought to get here just as hard as the rest of us." Ru said. "You're just looking for someone to blame for your friend's problems."
"And you're just covering for your weak friend who needs to learn to stand on his own for once." Chin shot back with a level tone. "Have it your way though, pretty boy." he said, turning away from them and walking off. "This was your one chance to prove to us that you really deserved your spot. Shame you didn't take it."
"Don't." Ru said quietly, holding Zuko back from following him.
Part of Zuko was really starting to want to fight these battles he could not win - if only to not give his enemies the satisfaction of him backing down.
It had been a long day at class but finally Zuko was home, away from his troubles and free to relax as he saw fit. And as he usually did, he found himself a book and wrapped himself up in a blanket, letting the hours pass with each chapter and not worrying about the next day, or Azula, or the throne, or the box in his drawer. Just him and a set of empty thoughts.
And, as he usually was, he found himself interrupted by a soft knock at the door.
"Come in." said Zuko, not at all feeling disturbed by his mother's interruption.
"Zuko." said Ursa, making her way through the door and sitting down on the foot of his bed. "How's your book?" she asked, knowing it was probably best to start with that.
"Oh um," Zuko began, having expected her to ask about school. "It's good." he said honestly. "It's um, about these guys who fight vampires." he explained. "Except one of them is a vampire, kind of."
"And you're enjoying it?"
Zuko nodded. "Yeah." he said. "It's part of a series, I'm gonna read the next one when I'm done."
Ursa smiled. "I'm glad to hear that." she said, before bracing herself for the real purpose of her visit. "And how was school. Are your new teachers treating you well?" she asked.
"Yeah, I guess." Zuko said, her question putting an instant damper on his mood, the memories of the day returning to him.
She put a hand on his shoulder, wishing that her son was more forthcoming about the things that obviously troubled him. The first days of school from years past always seemed to put a frown on his face too, but he would never tell her why (of course, to some degree, Ursa knew why, which was the reason she kept coming even if Zuko wouldn't tell her). "Well, if you have any problems, you're always welcome to come to me with them." she said, briefly embracing Zuko.
"Ok, mom." said Zuko, in a half-dismissive half-melancholy tone.
"Alright," Ursa said, knowing that now was the time for her to exit. "I'll leave you to your reading." she said, standing up from the bed and heading for the door.
Zuko watched her leave for a moment, before mustering the courage to speak. "Mom?"
Ursa turned. "Yes, Zuko?"
"At the academy... do I get special treatment?" he asked, hoping that what Chin said was wrong.
There was a momentary pause as Ursa processed his words and let her face fall into a neutral expression. "Of course not sweetie, they treat you like everybody else." she lied.