A/N: This is Chaser 1 of the Chudley Cannons checking in for Season 8 Round 3 of the QLFC.
Chaser 1 Prompt: You'll Be Back: Write about someone missing the "good old days."
Song Lyric Used: 'When you're gone, I'll go mad'
Optional Prompts: 2. (object) book; 10. (dialogue) "What can I say? I'm always right."; 13. (emotion) relief
Word count (before A/N): 1,881 words
I am not JK. This is her world, and I merely dabble.
Remus slowly closed the bedroom door behind him, his bare feet inching across the second-floor hallway. He considered lighting his wand but feared the brightness would wake the others. The last thing he wanted was having to explain to a bunch of his former students why he was coming out of Dora's room this late at night.
He'd promised himself the last time would be just that—the last time.
Unfortunately, he found he didn't much like keeping promises he'd made to himself. And so here he was again, two in the morning, sneaking away from her. Likely hurting her in the process.
No—definitely hurting her.
Shame burned his cheeks. Guilt choked him. He should have crawled right up to the fourth floor like the dog he was and shut himself up in his bedroom for good.
Instead, Remus took a left down the stairs, past the portrait of Walburga Black, ever so careful not to make a sound. At the base of the stairs, however, he paused. Down the entranceway, he could just make out the flicker of firelight dancing along the blue wallpaper. Tentatively, Remus made his way toward the light.
It was coming from inside the drawing room, bright as if the fire had just been lit. Remus paused beside the room's entrance, his back pressed against the wall. He closed his eyes, listening closely for movement. The fire crackled in the hearth. Below that, he detected the slow and steady rhythm of breathing. Paper shuffled.
"Moony."
Remus' eyes flew open. He took the few extra steps forward until he was standing in the doorway.
Sirius looked at him from the brown armchair perched beside the fireplace. He was still dressed in his day robes, his black hair an unruly, tangled mess framing his haunted face. A leatherbound book rested in this lap.
"You're as subtle as a hobgoblin. It's a wonder how you survive all of Mad-Eye's missions," Sirius said, a raspy chuckle escaping his lips. Yet Remus couldn't find mirth in the other man's eyes.
Remus let the teasing roll off him as he finally entered. Aiming his wand at the room's entrance, he quietly cast, "Quietus."
"Good thinking," Sirius said. "I'd hate to wake anyone, considering the holiday they've had."
Yes. The ordeal with the snake. Remus had to keep himself from shuddering. At least Arthur was safe inside Grimmauld Place with the rest of them, albeit a bit bruised and beaten.
"What are you doing up?" Remus asked.
Sirius sank backwards into the chair, a sad smile playing at his lips. "I don't sleep much these days."
Remus believed it. Ever since he'd stepped foot into number 12 Grimmauld Place months before, Remus could see the toll of Sirius' years in Azkaban staining his body. His face was sunken, like pieces had been carved out of his pale-as-granite skin. His body had turned thin and fragile, the old days of swagger and grace long gone.
Remus swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He made his way to the lounge settee on the other side of the fire, allowing himself a few moments to blink back the tears forming in his eyes.
When did they become this?
"What're you reading?" he asked instead, lying back on the settee.
"This old thing?" Sirius held up the tome, its brown spine angled toward Remus. He sat up.
"Lily's journal?"
"One of them, anyway." Sirius smiled. "She started this one in seventh year. Gave it to me right before they went into hiding."
Sirius extended his arm. The book called to Remus, waiting for him to fall into its pages and wrap himself in memory. Almost reverently, he reached for the book.
Lily had kept dozens of journals during her time at Hogwarts. In all the years he'd known her, she always had at least one in her hands. He asked her about them once, in fifth year, after James and Sirius and even Peter had left the library after teasing him for studying so much. Lily offered him a seat at her table, and Remus couldn't help himself. He'd seen her with those journals everywhere…
"I asked her why she kept a journal, once." Remus held the book in both his hands, his eyes raking over the gold stitching across the cover. He felt a tug at the corners of his lips. "She said she wanted to remember the little details. There wasn't a day that went by where magic didn't fascinate her. She never wanted to forget."
"Sounds like Lily."
"Yeah."
Remus looked at Sirius again. "She gave this to you?"
"She said it would feed my ego."
They both laughed. Remus flipped the pages open, taking in the cursive loops that danced across the page. Lightly, he traced over the letters, tears once again pressing against his eyes.
Just as he was about to hand it back to Sirius, however, he spotted a dog-eared page. He flipped to it and allowed himself to read.
There's something different about James this year. I know term only started a few weeks ago, but I see something new in him, like he's grown into his own this summer.
Sirius told me I've sucked all the fun out of him. That I'm the reason James isn't as keen on pulling pranks with the rest of their lot. Though, he did add that he likes seeing this mature side to James as well.
He means well—Sirius, I mean. He's a sweet boy underneath the swagger and smirks. I'm quite grateful to have him as a friend, too, even if he'd rather have James.
Of course, Sirius also said this will be the year I'll say yes to James when he asks me out. I haven't decided yet. I really am impressed by how much he's grown up in these last few months, though.
But I'd hate to prove Sirius right all the same. Can you imagine the teasing to come?
Remus' eyes lingered over the words. The room was silent, save for the crackling of fire. Across from him, Sirius cleared his throat. When he spoke, his voice was soft. "What can I say? I'm always right."
"So was she," Remus said gently. "We teased them mercilessly."
Sirius snorted. "Remember their first date in Hogsmeade? Bloody wanker always said Madam Puddifoots was for thirteen-year-old girls and lovesick gits with no originality. And yet, there they were—"
"—the booth right by the window—"
"—right for everyone to see—"
"Snogging." Remus laughed quietly.
"Unabashedly," Sirius added.
"Took them long enough." He held the book back out for Sirius to take. Once the other man did, Remus leaned back against the settee again. "It's amazing how just a few years can change everything, isn't it?"
"We had no idea what would happen to us then. It was just—simple."
"A couple of kids navigating school and love and friendship."
"I think that's why she gave me this," Sirius said. Remus tilted his head toward him, his eyes suddenly heavy with sleep. Sirius continued. "I think, with the war looming back then and the three of them having to hide… Lily knew I'd feel lonely without them. She wanted me to have this small reminder of simpler times."
"Sounds like Lily." Remus echoed Sirius' words from earlier. His eyes began to droop, the warmth from the fire blanketing him, dulling his senses. Sirius wasn't the only one losing sleep these days; Remus, too, was struggling to find peace and solitude amidst the walls of this unhappy home. But the few moments he and Sirius had spent living in the past had given him a strange comfort. He closed his eyes completely, listening to the soft breathing of his best friend.
But only a few moments passed before Sirius spoke again. "You might think this crazy, but I'm afraid that when you're all gone, I'll go mad."
He sat up again, now fully awake. "What do you mean?" Remus asked.
Sirius wouldn't meet his eye. "You would think living a cell away from death would drive a person insane. But in there, at least I had hope of getting out. Of knowing Wormtail was alive and that Harry had survived.
"But out here..." Sirius paused, considering his next words. Remus couldn't look away from his ashen face. "Trapped in this house with no way to help… I can't be alone here, Remus. It's too quiet, too dark. At least in Azkaban, I felt the presence of the Dementors. Here—it's just me and the dust."
"Sirius—"
"I am. Serious, that is." He laughed bitterly at his own joke. "Even Molly is a welcome sight, despite how different we are when it comes to Harry."
Remus waited for Sirius' thoughts to settle. When he felt like he'd let enough time pass, he said, "I'm not going anywhere, Padfoot."
Sirius finally looked at him, unshed tears caught in his long black lashes.
"I mean it," Remus said. "It'll take more than the start of term to send me away."
"Even if Tonks asks you to move in with her?"
Panic rose in Remus' throat. How did Sirius even—
"Relax!" And for the first time since they sat down, Sirius laughed in earnest. "I caught you last week sneaking out of her room, you dog. I didn't say anything."
"It's not like that."
"Oh, I think it might be. Honestly, I think it should be." Sirius' laughter calmed, his black eyes finally reflecting a hint of joy. "You, of all people, deserve something happy in your life," he added.
"You don't mind?" Now Remus couldn't look at Sirius.
"Why would I mind?" When Remus didn't answer, Sirius pressed on. "Look, I didn't mean to get all dark and broody on you before. I know this is temporary, until my name is cleared and You-Know-Who is destroyed. It'll get better soon. I'm just tired of waiting. But that doesn't mean we all need to stop living our lives, Remus."
He was backtracking, Remus knew. Sirius didn't want to burden him with his pain, much like Remus didn't want to discuss his completely disorienting love life. Yet it was out there now, and suddenly, Remus felt a wave of relief washing over him.
Because it was out there now.
"Sirius," he said. "You're right, about a lot of things. And I'm glad you've told me what's been weighing on your mind, because I'll be honest. It's been like living in a nightmare not knowing what to say or how to help. This is temporary, sure. But unlike before, we do have each other."
Sirius nodded. Between them, the fire in the hearth finally started to fade, the flames burning down to red hot ember. Remus felt there was more to say, like there was at least another lifetime's worth of things to discuss.
He meant what he'd said; he wasn't going to leave. And he wasn't going to let Sirius fade into himself like he had been for months already. They had the time now to get things right, and maybe one day soon, it would be like it used to be.
Just a couple of friends navigating through life's strange twists and turns. Each day as carefree as the last.