A/N: Sorry another civi-holiday special. I'll stop soon I swear :/

Clint, Natasha, Tony

Holiday Shopping

Clint Barton rubbed his chin as he scanned the surrounding area. He quickly estimated there were around a hundred and twenty people walking around him like a swarm of ants, most likely quadruple that number in gift bags, and he had captured all thirty-three visible store names to memory. With all of the data he collected, he still had no idea what the hell he was doing.

Clint finally groaned, eyelids lowered. "Shoot me now."

Natasha lifted her upper lip. "Seriously? It's been like ten minutes and you're already acting like a mall-leashed husband." With her green, v-collared, blouse and red lipstick, she looked far too Christmassy. She wiped off lint from the shoulders of his jacket. Her eyes narrowed. "We find the target, we go in, we take it out. Just like a mission." She looked around at the stores. "Many, many missions..."

Her gaze elsewhere, Clint slowly shook his head at her inane analogy and the fact she said it with a straight face. Despite Natasha not being like most women, he was convinced she still carried those primal urges to shop for things she didn't need.

She tapped her lips. "Let's go to Futureshop. Rogers needs a computer."

"The man can't even figure out his cell phone, how's he supposed to use a computer?"

She shrugged. "Don't know, but...wouldn't it be interesting to see him try?"

He slowly grinned. "Good idea."

A family with a large group of kids were walking towards Clint head on. Seeing no way around them, he decided to squeeze through a gap between two boys. Clint was almost through until he felt something cold and slimy touch his crotch. One of the kids was holding a vanilla ice cream cone, part of which was now smeared onto the crotch of his black pants. The boy giggled like a woodpecker and then continued on his way.

Natasha sputtered a laugh behind her hand. "Here I have napkins. Let me–"

Clint grabbed the napkins before her hand got too close. "Jesus Nat, I got it," he said trying not to make a scene. "We better finish our shopping today, 'cause there's no way I'm coming back."

She smiled and hooked their arms together. "Comon Grinchy. I think I see an Armani Exchange. What do you think? Would Banner look better in black or grey?"

He frowned. "Before or after he tears it to shreds?"

Natasha's eyes flashed over his shoulder. She squinted, then her eyes widened again. "I don't believe it."

"What?" Clint spun around. He scanned the faces ahead, his gaze stopping on a man wearing sun glasses and a dark grey suit with a red tie. The man looked strangely out of place, more like a regional store manager on a visit than a customer. He had a hand in his pocket, the other held up a two piece lingerie set. A blonde woman was unaware as the suited man behind her attempted to use her as a model to size the outfit.

"Is that–"

"Tony Stark," she finished.

They stood there scowling at each other for a long moment.

As they approached, Tony turned around and, with a finger, lowered his glasses. He made a welcoming smile. "Well, isn't this awkward."

Natasha crossed her arms. "Knickers 'n Lace Stark? Isn't it just a little too early in the season to be cross-dressing?"

"Believe it or not," Tony said stroking his tie, "I have someone else's interests in mind."

"Don't you have like, servants for this sort of thing?" Clint asked.

He swung to Clint and gave a nod. "Normally yes. This time however, Pepper wanted me to pick out her gift personally. She said it would be good for our relationship...or whatever, which is ludicrous."

She shook her head. "Well look at you Tony. Actually doing what you're told for a change."

Clint flicked his wrist and made a whiplash sound.

Tony rubbed his bottom lip between his thumb and finger. His gaze lowered to Clint's pants, which still had a dark wet stain on the crotch. "What do we have here? Got a little too excited when we walked into the lingerie store Clinty?"

Clint made a humoured sneer that made Natasha chuckle. "We were actually on our way to get some things for our two mutant heroes." He paused. "I don't know what the heck we can get for Thor."

Natasha shrugged. "Human sacrifice?"

"Well whatever you get him, make sure it isn't shampoo."

She frowned at Stark. "Why, what's wrong with shampoo?"

"Nothing..." Tony scratched his cheek. "I...got him shampoo. The kind that makes hair shiny and soft."

The assassins stared at him.

"You...got the god of thunder shampoo?" Clint said in a half chuckle.

"Actually it's a shampoo, conditioner and colourizer all in one." He paused to study their puzzled expressions. "Did I mention it's really, really expensive?"

"That's actually not a bad idea," Natasha said. "A man like that standing tall, long golden locks waving in the wind. A girl could definitely fall for that."

Clint smirked. "So that's what you want for Christmas then? A male escort in Thor cosplay?"

Tony gestured his hand. "That was totally my idea for Rogers."

Their conversation was abruptly interrupted when a group of scantily dressed girls surrounded Tony in a fit of giggles and high pitched noises.

"Oh my god! Tony! Can you sign me! Anywhere I don't care!"

"I think it's so attractive that you're partly made of iron!"

The mob pushed Clint and Natasha backwards and nearly out of the store.

"I guess we better leave before we become part of the trampled confetti that's about to break out for the party here," Natasha droned.

One of the screaming girls turned around and faced Clint. Her eyes widened psychotically. Clint was more or less frightened.

"You! That chin! Those arms! You must be Captain America!"

Clint's eyes shifted sideways to Natasha who raised both eyebrows and smirked.

"Actually I..." He paused as more faces turned to him. "I sure am..."

It's not like there were any news broadcasters around, although there were a lot of cell phones. Shopping was pretty craptastic, but being Captain America for a day was an opportunity he wouldn't miss. It would certainly prove entertaining once Rogers found out.

I had no idea how to end this :/ Hope you liked this one, but somehow I feel I will never write anything that lives up the first one.