It was around January 2020 when I heard about Covid-19 for the first time. Still that name had no meaning or value for me. I thought it was just like a flu. I even talked to some elder people who were experts like: doctors. They said it won't kill. Little did we know, this harmless, small virus started spreading exponentially. Little did we know, it started to kill people.

By that time, I thought it won't reach Europe "if" they start to commit against this epidemic. But our European countries kept on ignoring this fact! They went on with their normal lives, celebrated festivals... so many things which lead into a massive infection of the people. Mainly the elderly.

I still can't believe this.

It seems too fictional. The scariest part of this pandemic is that we know no medicine or vaccine against this virus. Today, in Germany there are more than 140.000 cases. Gladly, more than half of them are cured. Healed... that is hopeful?

We are living during a time in which we are not the ones who control the world, but the world is controlling us. We are quarantined. Nobody knows who is sick and who is healthy. Friends, families and lovers have to avoid each other. It is ridiculous. It is funny and scary. I haven't seen a metropole look this empty. The streets are quiet. The path is clear and their are no big gatherings of teenagers and young adults. No friday for future. No demonstrations against the Nazis. No demonstration against the government. No demonstrations against the war criminals. My home, my city looks like a blank canvas without it is chaotic style of being the odd one out of the 15 other Bundeslands*. I haven't seen Berlin like this before. So pale.

It was 9 p.m and Ludwig was finished with writting his journal. Afterall, this quarantine was the reason he had started to write something in his decade old diary. It was boring without any occupation, so the least he could do was to return to his old hobbies.

Ludwig lied down on his bed and faced the sky. The clear sky with all of it's beautiful stars appeared like a painting to him. The helped him think about anything other than his boredom and nausea.

Ludwig shut his eyes and thought about a life before this pandemic. A life after this pandemic. He hated to think about a life during this pandemic. Missed his friends, missed his school, missed his fitness routine, missed everything. Wished he could do anything to see them once more. Wished he could go out without a mask, a pair of glooves...

Slowly, as he was thinking about this all, he fell asleep. Tomorrow seemed like a new hope and opportunity.

From his window, the wind caressed him carefully. The moon light which illuminated his room, made his skin appear blue. His room seemed huge, when he slept. He felt small and minor. This was loneliness.

The sound of the birds woke him up alot lately, either from sleep or a deep thought. Ludwig rubbed his eyes and stared out of his window. He never pulled the curtains over. He liked the early morning sunshine. Today the sky was greyish but it was a bright day. He thought, maybe it was going to rain.

Anyways, Ludwig turned to his side and checked his phone. There were no mew messages. He felt a meld disappointment because of the fact that these days his only social communication was through his phone and social media. He hated social medias, but recently, he couldn't help himself with anything else. Hell, he even started to text the "friends" which weren't truly his friends. This quarantine, this situation was suffocating him. True, he was an introvert but that didn't help him either. He missed going out, he felt deeply unmotivated and was feeling less productive than ever.

A thought crossed his mind. Since when the productivity of one was a sole priority and concern for his success. He thought, productivity is not only based on going out and doing a physical job or anything. Maybe trying to stay healthy was enough of a work for everyone right now.

He was trying to help himself by creating scenarios. He had even tried to reach out to his local authorities for a volunteer job. But, each time, something pulled him back. He didn't know and couldn't distinguish his fears from his safety.

Ludwig ran a hand over his pale blond hair and finally made his mind. He had to somehow start his day. He washed up, ate breakfast and started to do his homeworks which were sent per Email.

In between, after an hour or so, he got a message from his brother. A smile crossed his face. Gilbert was fine. That was a relief. Though by times Gilbert acted out impulsively and was disobedient like a untamed horse, still Gilbert somehow had managed to stay home. Gilbert was Ludwig's biggest worry. He couldn't control him from a far distance.

Both brothers exchanged a few text messages for a few minutes. Ludwig was happy that his brother was doing fine. Just fine. Not perfect. He knew that Gilbert was under a lot of pressure. Naturally, turning into a house hermit from a party animal was the biggest challenge for him. Ludwig saw this as an opportunity for Gilbert to take care of himself and maybe, maybe stop smoking stuff...

The day went on. Ludwig was still frustrated because he hadn't received an Email from one of his teachers. She was supposed to answer his question yesterday. Maybe too busy to answer 'his' question. But then it hit him, his teacher was busy with the other students who were writing their Abitur. He felt bad for his assumption. He felt sorry for those students. He wished them good luck.

He wished he could change the decisions made by the politicians. Covid-19 was not a joke. The government wanted the younger students to attend the school. For Ludwig, this came across as an act of suicide. The younger the students are the difficult it is to control them. They wouldn't care about a pandemic... they are childrens which care free souls.

Ludwig shook his head to clear the thoughts away.

He hunched over his desk and texted his girlfriend. Nina. Missed her so much. He missed everything about her. She answered after a few minutes.

Ludwig said, it was better when they did a phone call. Nina accepted.

"Hey." Ludwig said.

"Hi. How are you?" Nina answered enthusiastically.

"Just as always." He said.

There was pause.

"What is wrong?" Nina asked quietly.

Ludwig didn't know what was wrong with him. He suddenly felt worthless.

"Nothing." He lied. Alot of things were wrong. He denied it to Nina. Didn't want his insecurities to be present. Didn't want to come across like a jealous, worthless and self conscious person. Didn't want to scare her away.

"Ok. But you can talk about anything with me. You can simply talk about whatever you want. You this very well, Ludwig."

He knew it. Still he didn't want to appear too depressed.

Upon hearing his name, his stomach twisted and his heart leapt a beat. How long had it been since he had met Nina? How long had it been since they saw, touched and kissed eachother for the last time? Ludwig felt melancholic.

"Are you there?" Nina asked.

"Yeah. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

He contemplated.

"About- ugh. I think this is cringy but here we go. Nina I miss you alot. And I was thinking about us." Ludwig said and sighed. That took alot of energy.

"I miss you, too." Nina said with a chuckle.

Later that day, Ludwig was feeling numb. So many thoughts flow inside his head that he nearly believed that he had gone insane. He couldn't stand this feeling anymore. He lie down thought about kissing Nina once they meet again, and so he slowly drifted into sleep.

I thought I might write about something which is a little real and a little close to home. thanks for reading and hope you guys are healthy.2. may. 2020