Chapter 63s: Oppression In Orange
Yet another year. And it is just like the last.
Boring. Frustrating. Mundane. Annoying.
The teacher is blathering about something, but I can't be bothered to listen. If it is important, he'll repeat it a few more times.
Lonely.
That's the word for it. This year is feeling lonely.
I'm still mad at Nii-san, even if our fight is prolonging the loneliness. He called the house during christmas but I wasn't stupid enough to answer and let Clara find out I never forgave him like I told her I'd write in the card.
You don't forgive people unless you can look them in the eye. Words on paper made with ink aren't sincere at all!
Besides, I don't want to forgive him yet! Stupid Nii-san! Who told him to help those fakers?
I never asked him about all the things he is not telling me!
He thinks I don't know, but I'm not the stupid little kid he thinks I am. But whatever! I decided long ago: I am not going to blame Nii-san for keeping secrets.
He is my brother. My one and only brother. My bestest ever brother!
Tears start to slip out of my eyes and onto my cheeks, and I quickly lean my head down on my arms. Maybe I'll get yelled at for not paying attention, maybe I'll just look tired, but whatever!
I just don't want stupid gestures where people show off how much they care! The years slip out from the corners of my eyes as I allow the emotions to dictate the sleucegates of my tearducts.
Stupid Nii-san! I don't mind your secrets! So why can't you just believe in me? Whatever the reason, I just want to live with you! Like a family! So what if dad drinks? What if he's a bad dad? I don't care about any of that!
WHY DID YOU PUSH ME AWAY, YOU STUPID BAKA!
My nails dig into the palm of my hand as I forcibly breathe deeply. To avoid being noticed, I really need to control the rage and disappointment a bit so it isn't another 'Setsuka is crying again' episode. I don't need that. I really, really don't need that!
It still hurts every time I think of him telling me to not live with him. It is like a punch to my gut. No. More like a knife. A fresh wound. With the blood, gore and bile just dripping out...
To make things worse... Jenny's been drifting away from me, too. Bit by bit. It isn't much... but I can tell.
She says nothing is wrong, and she's awesome like always.. until she's a bit more prickly than she used to be and turns into a bit of a bitch.
Is she bleeding? Ugh. I hope not! I heard it really sucks!
Either way, she's been hanging out with me a lot less. I guess Vera, Kathleen and Ann make for better company. They can play poker whenever they want to, after all. And drink beer.
I just hope I didn't mess things up with her, too...
Then... finally! The teacher declares the lesson finished! Woo!
But I stay with my head put down for a little while longer as I rub the tears out of my eyes. I don't want questions and more fake concern. What if it reaches Clara and Chris? God. That'd be the worst! Right after Nii-san finding out that is.
Just listen to all that pointless chattering they collectively produce. It's so annoying and frustrating. Was I ever like them? God, I hope not!
Eventually, I swing my backpack onto my desk to put my pen and notebook into, but my mind is just blown off into the breeze of frustration that this casual anthill of a classroom can be described as.
Sure, them and me are on a first-name basis as classmates, but that's about it. So at best they can be considered acquaintances.
I don't like their little elitist groups. Betty and her gaggle that play the recorder, for example. It's just some ear-rupturing, headache-inducing experience forced onto every person that comes even remotely close to them while they flaunt that thing around as if it were a status symbol of life experience.
If they want to know what a true status symbol is like, they should look at Nee-san! She doesn't need some crappy prop to get attention; her breasts and the way she carries them around show just how much better she is than other girls! Especially juvenile stick-blowers like Betty and them!
And then there's Selina's little dance troupe. Whenever their hunk of the week releases a single, they go all nuts with stupid little dance routines that are all pretty much the same anyway. It is just so stupid. Do they think that guys are attracted to that sort of thing? It is just so childish!
As I close the buckle of my backpack, I find that some of the other kids are looking at me. No. Staring at me, more like. Ugh. What now?
"What?"
I think I asked, but it sounds more like an angry sneer. Not my fault; they're all a bunch of judgemental little snobs anyways.
Oddly enough, Lara isn't put off by my tone. Of course she isn't, being a member of the recorder posse of gigglesome gossip. They thrive on this sort of thing. She's pointing as she responds in a tone that could only be more fake if she actually tried to be genuine.
"Some hot senior is asking for you."
As I roll my eyes - I'm not interested in those stupid little kids, duh - and glance towards the door, I find myself freezing up.
Why is it Nii-san?
Not Nee-san. But Nii-san?
That tousled hair. Those eyes. That posture. The well-hidden muscles. It is definitely him.
He just nods his head sideways before buggering off again.
That cheek! He's the one who is wrong! He doesn't get to dismiss me! Or order me around like this!
The angry insults are almost out of my mouth when I realize the effect he has on some of those other girls, who are outright kyaaa-ing and fangirling over his back as the remaining guys have totally ignored everything about the situation.
Maybe the guys in my class aren't that bad after all.
"That's my brother, you hopeless idiots. Please close those holes that pies disappear in before he thinks you are my friend. God!"
After rebuking the idiots I stomp off after Nii-san in frustration. Some sounds come out of the dimwitted who finally realize I called them fat when I reach the door. Whatever, that doesn't matter!
Could he possibly have seen me in a worse situation? This is so embarrassing!
Right as I round the corner of the door, I call out. "Niiiiii-"
But I never make it beyond that syllable.
One finger with unerring precision. One soursweet flavor.
No, that's just the tastebud shock. It is just tangy.
I suckle it a bit... Tastes like orange. The shape warps a little in my mouth, and my teeth leave impressions behind as a final bit of movement happens. Was that Nii-san's finger that lingered for a moment so I wouldn't spit it out?
It is a bit chewy. Not like gum though. And I think it dissolves slowly.
Mmmm. Nii-san always knows what I like. Soo tasty..!
As the realization finally dawns on me that I'm in public, I find myself staring at Nii-san. And he's staring at me.
Awkward. Aaaawkward. So embarrassing, too!
Don't look at me like a goofball, you idiot! I'm going to blush and never live this down in front of anyone else!
"Now that you've finally accepted my apology, let's go."
.. Huh?
That was an apology? No no no!
You are not getting off that easiiiii-
He's dragging me along.
That bastard is just dragging me along.
Just like that. He. Is. Dragging. Me. Along..!
"It is your turn to apologize."
As I want to yell back at him for being unreasonable, I find myself without words. I can only see his back and feel his hand.
But somehow... I know he feels as hurt as I do.
I can do nothing... but suckle my orange-flavored candy.
And follow to where he leads.