Brushes of Loneliness
Hello again~
As I said before, this is going to be slow. Please bear with me as I give some explanation/background/character growth to everyone.
And just to clarify, at this point, Tsuki is a brat. A spoilt, pampered princess, smart, skilled, and for whom everything comes easily. Her father gives her nearly everything she wants, and she doesn't know the meaning of struggling yet. In her eyes, nothing exists outside of her perfect little bubble. It's going to burst soon, but meanwhile, you'll have to bear with her character.
Enjoy~
XxxX~Chapter 2: A subtle push in the right direction~XxxX
The Academy, at times, could be tiresome.
She excelled there, be it at kunai-throwing or chakra manipulation. What others took hours to master she did in barely half the time, and Sasuke was even faster than her; as such, most of the time, they ended up being left alone to practice whatever they wanted. They could talk freely once either Tsuki or Sasuke had managed to drive his fangirls away, and with Iruka-sensei's distant but watchful supervision, they could spar the way they couldn't when they were left alone, because of the injuries they could sustain.
Not that it happened often, of course.
"Oi, jerk! Stop acting so cool already!"
Well, at least when the blond idiot wasn't involved.
Sasuke's easy, calm expression immediately dropped into a scowl.
"What do you want, dumbass? Maybe if you started training seriously you'd start getting better."
Tsuki shook her head disapprovingly before gathering her discarded kunai back in her arms, storing them safely into her pouch. Last time, Naruto had actually slipped on one of her weapon when charging at Sasuke, and had actually nicked his elbow. And then, she'd gotten a lecture from Iruka-sensei about the importance of taking care of her kunai, keeping them ordered and on her person and all. She didn't need a repeat of what she already knew. She didn't know why Sasuke even bothered with the idiot, too; the blond had a way of getting under his skin, and instead of just ignoring him or scaring him away like he did everyone else, her friend always decided to pause in his training to antagonise their blond classmates. For someone as stubbornly obsessed with training as Sasuke, it was surprising, the time he took to answer the blond. Maybe he secretly enjoyed the attention?
The other kid sputtered in indignation, eyes narrowing in anger.
"What did you call me!?" The Uchiha heir scoffed, shoving his hands in his pockets with a bored expression.
"Dumbass."
A vein popped on Naruto's forehead.
"That's it! I'm gonna kill you! Just wait, you-"
"Naruto," Tsuki cut him off, getting annoyed with his loud mouth. "Sasuke and I were training, so please stop bothering us."
"What? Tsuki, you too you take this bastard's defence!? It's not fair!"
"NARUTO!"
The three children cringed upon hearing Iruka's pissed off, loud yelling. Naruto froze and started sweating bullets, dashing away from them and –hopefully- away from their wrathful teacher, no doubt about to bonk him on the head. Once more, she and Sasuke were left alone while their classmates chatted away in the background, pausing in today's exercise as their teacher was no longer present to make sure they practiced. Tsuki crossed her arms.
"What an idiot," she said, annoyance etched on her features. "Why's he still in the Academy? He has no talent. At all." Sasuke shrugged.
"True, he's a loser, and he'll always be one," he agreed, picking up his stance where he left it. He glanced up at her, before dashing forwards. The young girl easily blocked him before retaliating with her fists, but she couldn't quite focus. Her curiosity was getting the best of her.
"Hey Sasuke, I have a question to ask you."
"We're sparring, ask after."
"Do you like Naruto?"
Despite himself, the boy faltered, and his friend's next blow almost collided with his face. He scowled fiercely, jumping backwards a few feet and putting some distance back between them.
"Of course I don't! Why would you ask that, stupid?!"
"Well, you actually speak to him, so…"
"So what? I speak to you, too. It doesn't mean I like you."
Tsuki pursued her lips in a mock-hurt expression.
"You don't like me..?" She made her voice quiver and her eyes scrunch up. She stopped in their sparring, clutching her shirt. "You really don't…?" the other child crossed his arms and scowled fiercely, glaring at her.
"I'm not falling for that."
She upped the act, hugging herself and letting her short black hair fall in her eyes, hiding her expression from him. She allowed herself to shake a little. Sasuke faltered the slightest bit, and, spying the opening, she pounced. Except it didn't quite go as planned, as instead of slamming into Sasuke and pinning him to the ground, granting her victory, the boy side-stepped her at the last second, and Tsuki yelped as she crashed on the hard ground. Sasuke smirked at her triumphantly.
"I told you I wouldn't fall for that."
Tsuki grumbled as she got up, begrudgingly admitting defeat. Sasuke's typical, I-am-better-than-you-because-I'm-an-Uchiha smirk was really starting to get on her nerves, and for once, she figured he would have to be the one who gave in if he wanted to keep training with her. So she turned around and started walking away from him, towards their idle classmates. Though she couldn't see it, Sasuke's mirth actually faded at once.
"Hey! Where are you going?"
She didn't answer, not bothering to hide her grin as he couldn't see it from where he was. Tsuki could literally feel him fuming at her back, and after letting him stew in his confusion and annoyance for a while longer, she eventually glanced back at him.
"If you're going to sulk when you lose, then so am I." She sang, smiling widely at his indignant "Uchihas don't sulk!" He followed after her after a few minutes, joining their classmates when he saw Iruka had returned, calmer, a sour-looking Naruto on his heels with a distinct bump on his head which hadn't been there before. To Sasuke's great displeasure, Iruka paired the children up himself for the next exercise, and the one who needed the most improvement –Naruto- was paired with the best student –Sasuke. They spent the next hour or so glaring fiercely at each other, Sasuke vaguely trying to show him a thing or two and Naruto sometimes trying, and failing. He should have paired him with someone else, Tsuki thought. He's not going to make any progress with Sasuke –not that I really think he would with anyone else…Tsuki shook her head. The blonde wasn't her problem, she had her own partner to take care of. Speaking of which…
"…Who was I paired up with again..?"
"Um, th-that would be me, Hatori-san…" a tiny voice squeaked behind her, and the Hatori heiress turned around, blinking.
"Hinata?" she questioned, and the small, violet-haired child nodded. The Hyuuga girl didn't look at her, choosing instead to stare at the ground and poke her fingers, occasionally glancing at the pair of boys on the side. She was a head shorter than everyone else, incredibly shy, and her hands trembled so much when she threw a kunai, Tsuki was convinced she would never make it to genin. But she'd been tasked with helping her, so she would.
"Well, let's go, then."
She led them a bit further away from the others, in order not to be disturbed by the loud yelling and clumsy gestures of the other children. She expected nothing from her partner; though she was from the great Hyuuga clan, Tsuki thought her too small, too shy, too kind to be able to become strong. And only the strong survived; though she was young, it was something they had learned quite early. Even if many –and both her and Sasuke were among them- actually didn't understand what death was. The luckiest wouldn't until quite a few years.
She turned to her partner, falling into the standard hand-to-hand combat pose.
"Go," she said, and immediately she jumped at Hinata, though she went much easier on her than she would with Sasuke. She'd never sparred with the girl before, but she had a good idea on how strong she was, which was not at all. The Hyuuga heiress couldn't defeat her if she tried. At eight years old, they knew nothing other than using their fists and legs, it was vital they mastered the basics before learning anything else after all. Tsuki, for her part, thought she had them down (was the Uchiha's arrogance rubbing off on her?) and as such, barely focused on the spar, convinced as she was it wasn't needed, and she was right.
Hinata's hits were weak at best, half-hearted though she was surprised to see they were precise and fast. She lacked strength and will, but she certainly had potential. Unlike the pink-haired girl –the one nobody really knew, and whose reasons to become a ninja were childish and not thought through at best.
"Hit harder, Hinata," Tsuki eventually called out, driving her back with more force than necessary. "If your attack's not strong, then hitting the target or missing doesn't matter."
"R-right…" Hinata nodded her assent, but her blows didn't actually gain any strength. Tsuki sighed.
"You'll end up like Naruto if you keep going," she said, shrugging. "You'll be a loser, and you'll be left be-"
"N-Naruto-kun is not a loser!" Hinata denied, her voice gaining a bit of strength. Tsuki blinked in surprise. "He-he's very determined and strong! A-and he doesn't deserve the way people are treating him!"
The Hatori child blinked again, staring as the Hyuuga heiress, panting and red-faced, proceeded to defend the boy whom –very obviously- she liked and admired. And the more she listened, the more she realised that, maybe, the Hyuuga was right. Naruto was brash, reckless, and definitely not good at anything, but he was kind. Determined. And he never gave up, too. He went from failure to failure but he always stood right back up to try again. It made her pause.
If she was to fail at something, over and over again…Could she still go on like he did?
The question bothered her for the rest of the day. Even when she and Sasuke parted ways, the boy already imagining how the training with his big brother would go, she barely noticed and mechanically waved when he did. She walked back to the compound alone, paying even less attention to her surroundings than she usually did as her thoughts smashed together in an endless loop of confused questioning she could not answer.
She'd never really paid attention to the blond, per say. He was just…there, being reckless and stupid and annoying. People generally disliked him because he was an unstoppable prankster, grating on everyone's nerves. Or at least she thought so, but…now that she thought about it, it didn't quite explain the general meanness of the citizens. She'd caught a glimpse of him several times as she walked back home, after school. She'd seen angry shopkeepers throwing things at him, sometimes even hitting him much harder than anyone should hit a child. But she'd never really noticed until now -no. She had noticed. She'd just…not bothered thinking about it. Because she had a perfect world with no hitch, no black spots, and she wasn't about to shatter it by introducing one troublesome boy into it.
And yet, the shy Hyuuga heiress's words kept dancing around in her thoughts, refusing to leave her alone until she at least had an explanation.
One she couldn't seem to find, no matter how hard she thought about it. And if there was one thing she disliked more than annoying ripples disturbing the perfect surface of her world, it was not knowing the answer about something.
Tsuki ground her teeth together, brows furrowed and eyes darker than usual. She hated being left in the dark, and when she entered the compound, the other members of the clan made sure to steer clear from her path. Not that she scared them, but being yelled at by a spoilt eight-years old without being able to say even a single word was getting tiring.
"What's on your mind, little moon?" Her father asked, taking his eyes off her brother as they spared in the courtyard. Sora grunted in frustration, his fists and legs meeting nothing but empty air each time his father dodged and retaliated. His ultimate goal was to finally defeat the man, but seeing as the clan Head didn't even feel the need to look at him to dodge his strikes, focusing on his brat of a sister instead, the fifteen years-old chunin felt he was still quite a few years away from winning.
Not that it stopped him from trying, of course.
Tsuki glanced up at the two. Usually, she enjoyed watching Sora eat the dirt, but the incessant mulling prevented her from finding any amusement today. And though she was prideful and stubborn when it came to not knowing something, spending hours upon the same matter without getting any closer to an answer wasn't exactly her definition of 'fun'. She just knew it was going to torture her the whole night if she didn't do something about it. Grunting and huffing in defeat, the young child crossed her arms.
"I have a classmate," she said, "who everyone picks on. He's annoying and a prankster and a brat, but no matter how many times he gets punished, he keeps going. He's dumb so it's not surprising, but the villagers really dislike him. Like, once, a man punched him in the face and made him bleed." Her brows scrunched up as she recalled the scene, missing how her father paused abruptly in the spar, under Sora's curious and confused green eyes. Oblivious, she went on, "I know Naruto's annoying, but that's not-"
"Naruto?" her father asked, his voice oddly blank and not betraying anything. "Uzumaki…Naruto?" Tsuki blinked. Sora only glanced between the two, noticing, unlike his sister, how their father had gone tense and rigid. It clashed heavily with his usually calm and relaxed demeanour, and the young man paid extra attention to the rest of the conversation.
"Yeah, that's his name," she said, mentally cringing as his loud voice echoed in her head, the way he'd add 'dattebayo' everywhere. "But how did you-"
"Stay away from that…boy."
Tsuki startled, blinking confusedly at the barely restrained…something, in his voice. Not quite disgust, not quite anger, but something in-between. Did he dislike her classmate, just like the other adults? But why?
"Father?" Sora asked, careful not to invoke his father's temper. Though rarely seen, no one wanted to be around when the clan Head was angry. "Why do you say this? Who is that boy?" Tsubaki visibly reined in his emotions, peacefulness returning to his features, if not to his chakra, still swirling angrily within him. He shook his head, his short, brown hair flying. The man faced his two children, steel in his voice.
"The boy is…an unfortunate casualty of the Kyuubi attack, eight years ago," he explained quietly, cutting off his children's confusion at his choice of words. "He is what he is and it is unfortunate, but he is dangerous. Don't get close to him. Both of you." He stared hard at them, emphasizing what was, without a shadow of a doubt, an order not from their father, but from their Clan Head. And if Sora nodded quietly, easily surrendering to his authority, Tsuki didn't quite react the same.
The young girl stared at him in utter confusion.
"Dangerous? He's a prankster, not a…a criminal! And what do you mean by casualty? Obviously he's not dead, so why-"
"Tsuki…" her father warned, frowning. "It matters not. Stay away from him."
"But why?!" she exploded at last. "I don't like him, but you could at least tell me why-"
"Tsukiko."
The child silenced herself immediately, visibly withering under her father's heavy stare. He did not say anything else, only looking at her with disapproval. Her father had never looked at her with anything other than love and fondness. To be on the receiving end of his disappointment…She lowered her head.
"…I'm sorry, father." She whispered at last, and Tsubaki seemed satisfied with her words. He turned away, focusing back on Sora and their training without saying another word. The young chunin resumed throwing punches at his father as though nothing had happened, his reddish-brown hair slapping his nape at each burst of speed. Though inwardly he was curious and dying to know what was so special about Uzumaki Naruto, he knew his father wouldn't tell him.
But his mother would, he was sure of that. Just as he was certain she wouldn't tell anything to Tsuki even if his sister dared asking, which he knew she wouldn't. Narrowly dodging a punch, Sora pushed the matter to the corner of his mind, unbothered now that he knew he would eventually find out.
Tsuki for her part quietly slipped away from the two, trying to draw as little attention to herself as possible, head lowered so her short black hair would hide the incoming storm written all over her face. The child had never been denied anything before -at least nothing of this importance. The knowledge she sought directly impacted her life, seeing as Naruto was her classmate, but her father would never willingly part with the information. And besides, he did not have a good enough reason for telling her. Hell, he didn't even give her one! She couldn't accept something she didn't understand. Naruto, dangerous? Ha! As if. Tsuki stomped her small feet on the ground, her foul mood worsening. Her father had forbidden her from doing things before -playing with his kunai, juggling with glass, breakable things- but this was quite something else. No one could tell her who to see and who to avoid. It was her life, damnit! She could see whoever she wanted, regardless of their status or skills (not that she frequented lower beings, she had standards after all) and though she dearly loved and respected her father, she was too damn stubborn to allow him to decide for her.
He'd raised her to think for herself, hadn't he? And he wanted her to stay away from Naruto?
A childish snarl escaped her lips.
Fine.
She'd get as close to him as possible.
Just because she could.
She didn't say a word at dinner, allowing her parents and brother to converse easily as she pretended to be still sulking from earlier. Her acting skills, the ones she perfected everyday with Sasuke, allowed her to remain unbothered for the rest of the evening, and she was free to think of what she was going to do. She couldn't just go to Naruto and tell him she wanted to spend tie with him, it'd be suspicious. Besides, she had to make sure it remained a secret. So she couldn't spend time with him in public, because no one could know about it. But what if Naruto started then yelling on the roof that she was spending time with him? It wouldn't do. Maybe she could tell him it had to be a secret, otherwise she'd be forbidden from spending time with him? It wasn't even a lie. Perfect.
She went to sleep that night excited and eager. She had never quite defied a direct order before, and far from fearing the consequences, she found herself giggling without meaning to. Here in the compound, she was the little princess everyone catered to; and while she enjoyed being able to do basically whatever she wanted, there was just something about rebelling, an appeal she didn't quite understand, but enjoyed all the same.
Perhaps it was why Naruto kept pranking people?
She'd have to try her hand at it.
Tsuki paused in her thoughts, then frowned.
She hadn't even started spending time with him, he was already rubbing off on her; and not in a good way.
She'd have to be careful.
Early the next day, since she didn't have classes on weekends, she ran through Konoha looking for its number one troublemaker, checking the streets looking for his blonde hair. She saw Ino, a grey-haired duded reading an odd book, the brown-haired idiot with his white puppy, the Hokage's greying head…but no Naruto. Two hours she spent looking for the prankster, with little luck. She'd checked the academy the Hokage tower, the market, the gates, even the various training grounds, but there was not a trace of the frowned, stopping near the park to catch her breath. Seriously, where was he? Usually by this time, he'd already have thrown a smoke bomb into the hot springs, messed Iruka-sensei's office, painted the Hokage's face on the-
Tsuki glanced sharply at the cliff. No luck, it was bare of paint. She sighed.
"For an obnoxious prankster, you sure know how to hide," she mumbled, ticked off. She was ready to give up. If it took her more than two hours to find him, then the excitement of breaking the rules wasn't worth it. She could have done so many other things! Like training, bugging Sasuke about his big brother, trying to catch Yuki-san on her way to the market, test the swings on the pa-
The child paused as her blue eyes caught sight of a blonde child slumped on the swings. Tsuki's frown disappeared at once, replaced by a bright grin.
'Finally!'
She took several, purposeful steps closer to the swings where her target rested, small hands clutching the chains and sky blue eyes staring at nothing in particular. Seeing as he didn't raise his head at her approach, she planted herself firmly in front of him.
"Hey Naruto! I-"
The blonde raised his head, and she suddenly couldn't find the words she'd rehearsed in her head the whole morning. It disappeared faster than she could react, but there, in his eyes before he caught sight of her…pain. Raw, painful, heart-rending pain. The kind which made her want to curl in a corner and bawl her eyes out until her father came to pick her up. But, as far as she knew…she'd never seen anyone pick Naruto up.
Who comforted him when he was sad?
She couldn't ponder on the thought any further, because the pain in his eyes was gone in an instant. Instead, the blonde straightened and faced her with his usual, cheerful expression. Sort of.
"Tsuki? What are you doing here?"
She didn't know what to say, she couldn't recall the words she'd prepared earlier. Her mind was blank. Completely blank. In front of her, Naruto was starting to look suspicious, so the child blurted the first question that came to her mind.
"Uhhh…what…are you…doing..?"
She mentally slapped herself. Come on! He'd been sitting alone on a swing before she came by, and that was what she asked? She could have found a better thing to say, seriously!
Naruto chuckled nervously, scratching his head.
"I- uh, was just playing on the swings! See? Haha…" Tsuki saw her opening at once.
'Perfect.' She pounced.
"You want me to push you?"
"Eh?" Naruto froze, eyes going wide, and immediately pointed a finger at her. "YOU want to push ME? But why?" Tsuki mentally counted from ten to one in order not to snap. 'Come on, has no one ever offered to push you? How dumb are you?' Instead, she just shrugged, crossing her arms and looking boredly to the side.
"Because I want to."
The silence stretched between them for an impossibly long time, Tsuki still awaiting an answer. The boy remained stubbornly silent though, and the longer she had to wait, the more impatient she became. It wasn't everyday she was nice to him, so the least he could do was thank her for her kindness, right? She knew he wasn't exactly the most polite of her classmates, but still! You weren't supposed to let someone wait an eternity for an answer!
In the end, huffing in impatience, she turned back to him, ready to let her annoyance known. And then she froze for the second time today.
Naruto was staring at her, looking both awestruck and ready to cry. He looks like a fish out of water, she thought. Stupid. Tsuki frowned, not understanding the cause of his unshed tears, and forced herself not to show her irritation.
"What is it?" At her words, Naruto blinked suddenly and hurriedly wiped imaginary tears from his eyes. He faced away from her as he did, hiding his face from view, and when his features came into her sight again, it was her turn to look like a star-struck fish. She suddenly understood what Hinata meant about his 'blinding smile'. She wasn't one for idle poetry, but she had to admit, his smile could have lit up the whole sky. There was something so incredibly beautiful about it; perhaps it was that she'd never seen him smile like that, so whole-heartedly, without any restrain, without fear, without-
False cheerfulness.
"It's just…" he paused, looking away from her. "No one ever offered to push me before."
Guilt was not an emotion she was familiar with. She didn't do guilt. She did what she wanted, she did not apologise, she did not regret. Others were beneath her. As for her equals, she'd never done anything to evoke guilt in her heart.
But as she looked into these beautiful, innocent eyes, this pure smile, and as she remembered she'd only offered to push him to defy her father and nothing else, guilt slammed into her gut with the violence of a thousand kunai.
She had no idea non-physical wounds could hurt this much. The excitement of this morning was all but gone, and she felt bad for perhaps the first time in…ever, really. She felt bad for what she'd intended to do to him. Felt bad for making him believe someone cared about him when she didn't. She was lying to him. She was betraying him.
It didn't sit well with her. Sure, he was troublesome, annoying, idiot, and she'd called him worse in her mind, but…betraying someone was wrong. Playing with someone's feelings was wrong. She was not a bad person, was she?
As she became lost in thoughts, Naruto slowly deflated and his smile vanished. She was second-guessing herself, she was going to leave him in a moment and he'd be alone again. Really, what had he been expected? That someone who barely ever glanced at him would suddenly decide to spend time with him out of the blue? Hadn't he learned already? No one ever did. No one wanted to. And the few who did -save the old man at Ichiraku and Iruka-sensei- only ever wound up hurting him. So it was better if she left now. At least he wouldn't get more hurt than he already was.
"It's ok," he eventually said, pulling her out of her thoughts. "I can do it alone, you don't have to stay and push me."
Something snapped in Tsuki's heart.
Alone.
For half a second she imagined herself in his shoes. Alone on this lonely swing, watching as people walked by without noticing her. Without any friend to play with her. Without anyone to push her. Without anyone to care. The young girl shivered.
I'm not like him. This would never happen to me, I have friends and family and people who love me. But…she paused. It's not fair, is it? That he doesn't have anyone. But it's not my fault he's a nobody. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't…I should go home.
Tsuki took a few steps away.
"Y-yeah…" she whispered, unsure. "I- bye."
She walked away. Or, at least, she tried to.
But in the corner of her eyes, she saw the way his shoulders dropped, as though a part of him had, despite his words, hoped she'd stay.
She'd deceived him.
She'd hurt him.
Only bad people hurt others.
She was pushing the swing before she even realised she'd walked back to him.
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