Brushes of Loneliness

Busy, busy, busy.

Sorry, I should have updated much earlier, but, well. Have you ever tried writing fourteen files of fifteen pages each in two weeks? Word of advice: don't wait for the last moment. God knows I should have learned this, like, more than ten years ago, but noooo, I still waited. Hopefully I'll do better next semester.

So, on with the story. Tsuki's puzzled by her own reactions, Sasuke's jealous, and Naruto is oblivious as usual.

Itachi makes a tiny appearance, but nothing of importance. Though now that I have the settings, we'll be moving forwards soon.

Note: Housewives are great. Hatori Ayano? Not so much.

Enjoy~

XxxX~Chapter 3: The Carefree, The Confused and The Lonely~XxxX

Chink. Chink.

She did not get it.

"You're distracted, Tsuki," Iruka-sensei called out, frowning. "Do focus, please."

"Yes, sensei," she replied mechanically, not really hearing him. Her thoughts and current puzzlement were more important to her than this pointless sparring, anyway. The other girl was getting frustrated with her obvious lack of focus, and she was getting sloppy. Tsuki didn't need her whole attention to beat this weakling of a commoner.

Naruto too is a commoner, you know. And there it was again, that annoying little voice which had surfaced in her head ever since that odd behaviour of hers at the swings. The one which commented her every thought, like, 'you're being a snob' or 'at least she's not a spoilt brat who doesn't know what being strong really means'. It was grating, irritating, frustrating like hell, especially since she didn't understand what it meant. Being strong? She was strong, stronger than almost everyone else. And snob? She was the heiress of the Hatori Clan, she had a right to be. What was wrong with that?

Her opponent, eager to at least land one blow, suddenly charged forwards and aimed at her head. On instinct, Tsuki ducked and then used the other girl's momentum to have her stomach slamming into her fist. She gasped and the moment it took her to regain her breath, the Hatori heiress sneaked a leg behind hers and threw her to the ground, her kunai at her throat. The child looked up at her, dazed as Iruka called the end of the match.

"Tsuki wins," he said, nodding to her as she got back up and shook hands with her dejected opponent. "Next."

"Woho! That was great, Tsuki!"

The young girl couldn't help the flinch as Naruto's loud voice and bright smile made themselves known. She raised a hand and waved at him half-heartedly, noticing how it made his grin even wider. She didn't quite know what to do; ever since the swings, Naruto had been trying his hardest to stay with her, to encourage her, tell her she was great and all…On one hand, she liked the attention. She liked knowing even he recognized her strength, recognized she was better than him, but…but it was innocent. Pure. No jealousy, no resentment, just simple happiness for a friend's exploits. His smile was true, genuine, and for a reason she didn't understand, it made her feel guilty, filled her with a bad feeling in her gut, like the one time Sasuke had punched her too hard and she'd doubled over in pain, desperately trying to catch her breath while seeing stars. Every single time the blond waved at her, called out to her or simply praised her skills, she just wanted to run away and hide until he was gone.

She was Hatori Tsuki, heiress to the glorious Hatori clan, and she was not supposed to hide. Yet she'd been trying to avoid him ever since the swings, ever since-

She closed her eyes.

Ever since she'd actually rethought herself, looked back, and then retraced her steps to do the thing she'd already decided she wouldn't do. All because of beautiful cerulean eyes filled with so much sadness and disappointment, but no anger. Never anger, never resentment.

Just sorrow.

And she still didn't get exactly why she'd walked back and pushed him on the swings. It was unlike her, unlike anything she'd ever been taught, and yet in that single moment, the one which had barely lasted a few minutes…she'd felt good. Like she'd actually done something right, like suddenly –everything she'd always done before had been wrong before and she was only seeing it now. But it wasn't true. She'd just lived, hadn't she? Just acted like the heiress she was, training to become a kunoichi, to protect the village. Why did she feel like she was missing something –an important something?

"Why was the dumbass cheering for you?"

She jumped at once, realizing Sasuke's match had come and gone without her noticing. Iruka-sensei was right, she was awfully distracted today. She couldn't afford to be. When his words registered in her mind, she put on her best poker face and shrugged.

"Who knows what goes on in that idiot's head? I don't."

Sasuke eyed her suspiciously, a glance at the corner of his eyes telling him the blond in question was currently glaring at him –and not because of his last defeat, they hadn't sparred together today. It puzzled him. Naruto never directly spoke to anyone, preferring to yell his thoughts at the top of his voice so anyone within a ten-mile radius could hear him. Save for when they were arguing, they didn't talk. So why had the blond suddenly switched tactics? Why was he trying to speak with her, cheering for her when she won, just like he did with Saku-

His thoughts came to an abrupt halt.

"He likes you," Sasuke blurted out at once, his astonishment at the realization for once completely overriding his polite and noble upbringing. Naruto liked Tsuki, his friend, his sparring partner, his Tsuki. The Uchiha boy immediately disliked the thought. Tsuki, for her part, paled at once.

"He doesn't! Where the hell did you get that stupid idea?!" Sasuke scowled.

"That's what you asked me when I spoke to Naruto last time, remember? Now he's speaking with you, that means he likes you!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"You're being ridiculous!" Tsuki screamed at once, already fed-up. Her temper was rather short today. "He's cheering for me because I pushed him on the swings last week, that's all!"

She realized her mistake as soon as the words left her lips. It was supposed to be a secret. Supposed to be her silent rebellion, the one thing she did behind her father's back because of an unfair order she didn't agree with. And if she knew Sasuke enough, she was certain he wouldn't take it well.

"You're friend with him?" he asked, voice neutral, but disapproval blatant. Tsuki felt her anger rising back up at once. And though it wasn't true, she found herself answering.

"So what if I am?"

Sasuke stared hard at her, and the child had the sudden feeling he was going to say something his parents had told him –something he didn't understand, but accepted as absolute truth just because it came from his father and mother, because they couldn't be wrong. Unlike her, apparently, she thought bitterly.

"He's trouble, a dumbass, a loser, and weak. You've got better things to do than spending time with him, like training with me." Tsuki crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out. Childish of her, she knew, but her friend was being equally as childish, if not more, in her opinion.

"You're just worried I'll like him more than you." Sasuke scoffed.

"What part of 'trouble, dumbass, loser and weak' did you miss?" His friend shrugged in indifference.

"I know all of that, stupid. But the grown-ups –your parents and mine- don't want us hanging with him, and I want to know why." The Uchiha blinked in confusion, then lifted one eyebrow.

"Are you really that dumb?"

Tsuki bonked him on the head.

"What th-"

"If you really think that's why they don't want us near him, then you're the dumb one, Sasuke."

Truthfully, Tsuki hadn't figured out it out until about right now. She'd decided to seek Naruto out only for the satisfaction of defying orders, but after taking the time to analyze the blond…something wasn't right. The grown-ups didn't just dislike him, most outright hated him. Naruto, an eight-year old orphan with no parental figure whatsoever, at least that she knew of. She'd never seen anyone pick him up from the academy, after all. Her point was, she didn't think Naruto quite deserved what he got. The punishments, yes. The few curses words, yes too. But the hate? No, she didn't think so. She knew plenty of troublemakers, and none got quite as much hatred as Naruto did.

And it puzzled her. She didn't like not understanding something.

"There's more to him, I'm sure. I want to know what it is."

Sasuke stared at her for one minute, trying to understand. Where did her sudden interest span from? She'd never shown any interest in the blond before, barely ever noticing his presence unless it was to note how loud or stupid he was, just like him. So, why? Why did she suddenly want to waste her time on the blond? Whatever he could be hiding, it couldn't be worth it. If it didn't pertain to his training, his clan or his friends, then Sasuke had no interest in knowing it. But he knew his friend, unfortunately, had the nasty habit of focusing all of her skills and time in figuring out the most futile of things if only because she couldn't stand not knowing. He'd tried to convince her before she didn't need to know where her uncle disappeared to every few nights, how the ladybirds could fly with such small wings or if the shark rumour was true, to no avail. Tsuki was stubborn as a bull and sometimes, she even had the brain of one, choosing to charge through and smash everything in her path until her thirst for knowledge and control had been sated. Her latest project, it seemed, centred around the blond idiot, and Sasuke had known her long enough to understand he had no way of making her leave it be. She'd keep going until she had found it out, and he hoped she would. Otherwise she'd throw one hell of an embarrassing temper tantrum and he didn't want to get caught in the middle. At all. That last time in the onsen with the bathing Hyuuga elders was etched forever in his mind. He had never quite gotten over the embarrassment, and he scowled. Why did she have to focus on such pointless matters? And dragging him with her, nonetheless. This time her obsession wouldn't interfere.

"Fine," the young boy scowled darkly. "Waste your free time with him if you want. But he's not training with us, got it?" It was Tsuki's turn to scowl.

"Of course he won't! Who do you take me for? ...Don't answer that."

The class resumed afterwards, as though nothing had ever troubled the two top students in the first place. Naruto still chatted animatedly with Tsuki anytime he could, Sasuke fuming silently in the background and cursing the blond for taking Tsuki's time away from him. But at least their training sessions would be blissfully free of the idiot after class, and the thought allowed him to keep his cool and trust his friend, and he especially needed to after these last few days.

He remained pensive for the remainder of the class, allowing his thoughts and worry to take precedence over his classmates' pointless chatter. Lately, things in the clan had been…tense, to say the least. As a child –the thought made him scowl in displeasure- he wasn't allowed on in the clan meetings, but he had ears, and the adults weren't exactly discreet. Everywhere he went, talks of resentment and anger reached him, and a cloud of incoming doom seemed to have settled over the compound. He didn't like it, especially since, from what he could see, part of it stemmed directly from his brother, Itachi. The man had always been rather distant, but now, it felt like he barely ever saw him. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd actually trained with him, or even the last time he'd been home to share a meal with them in peaceful silence; now, the rare occasions he was home, he was avoiding pretty much everyone, and his father's disappointment in his elder was obvious and painful. A part of him resented his father from driving his brother out of the home with his eyes alone, but…why were they fighting, exactly? And why couldn't they resolve it, like they had before? Why was the whole clan involved? Just what was going on, exactly?

Such were the thoughts going on in his head as he made his way home, after cutting his training with Tsuki short. Despite his reluctant acceptance of the blond's presence in her life, he'd still been rather mad at her, and neither had performed according to their standards. It was better they go their separate ways and be allowed to cool down until the next time. Besides, hopefully, it'd allow him to catch snippets of conversations he wasn't meant to hear. Information gathering was one of the key skills of a ninja, after all.

"Little brother?"

And paying attention to his surroundings too, though apparently Sasuke rather failed at that one.

"Big brother!" he exclaimed, startled but delighted at the sight. Lost in thoughts, which was so unlike him, he had failed to notice Itachi sitting on the porch, a half-eaten dango plate beside him. His gentle eyes revealed none of his inner thoughts, none of the conflict weighing heavily on his mind; instead, there was only a kind smile on his lips and light surprise etched on his features.

"You're home early," Itachi noted, silently beckoning his sibling forwards. Sasuke shook himself out of his stupor and sat himself next to him, far away from the dango plate though. His big brother had an incredible amount of patience, sometimes seemingly infinite, but you didn't want to get in between Itachi and his dangos. Really. Sasuke shrugged.

"I had an argument with Tsuki," the thought made him frown. "Sometimes I really don't understand her. But what about you?" he changed subjects quickly, unwilling to discuss his friend with his big brother in his rare moments of free time. He glanced at his sibling sideways. "You're home early, too. Usually you're never there when I come back…" Itachi closed his eyes.

"…I apologise, Sasuke. But you know I am busy." Sasuke pouted.

"That's all you ever say, but never why. What's going on, big brother? Even I can see something's not right here." Itachi shook his head silently.

"It's nothing you should concern yourself with, Sasuke. It will be over soon." His voice was calm, warm and reassuring as always, and the young child found some of his worries easing away, taking comfort in his elder's quiet aura. If Itachi said it was okay, then it was. His big brother was the strongest and smartest person he knew, he couldn't be wrong. And yet, something kept nagging at him. He hadn't invented the anger and frustration he felt within the clan…it had to be something. Itachi was probably just trying to protect him, but wasn't Sasuke old enough to know? He wasn't a genin yet, but surely he was smart enough? He was at the top of his class!

"Brother," he started, but Itachi beat him to it.

"How about we use our free time and start training?" he suggested, still smiling softly. "It's been a while since the last time."

Immediately, all of Sasuke's worries and interrogations vanished, replaced by sheer joy and enthusiasm at the idea of spending time with his sibling. How long had it been? Too much to count, but as long as Itachi was there, it did not matter. Nothing else mattered in the world than his big brother and the time he could spend with him.

At the other side of Konoha, another child had almost the same thoughts as him, but she was disappointed to see, upon coming home, that her precious person wasn't there. Her father wasn't training with her brother, he wasn't in a meeting with the elders and he wasn't drinking tea on the porch. She had searched the whole compound and she was starting to get fed up. Where was he? He never felt the compound or rarely, at least not when she was home, and she needed to talk to him. Now. Sasuke had cut their training session short, she had been unable to let go of her irritation towards him, and she needed her father's input on the situation –without telling him exactly what it was about. Why was Sasuke so angry with her befriending Naruto? And why go home early when he'd specifically told her the blond was not to intrude on their training sessions? His actions didn't make sense. She hadn't noticed anything amiss during the few short minutes they'd actually trained, so she didn't understand, and maybe her father would be able to shed some light on the matter.

If only she could find him. Where the hell was he!?

Tsuki was about ready to throw a tantrum, when a maid's voice broke through her frustration.

"Your father is not home, young lady. He was called on a mission this morning."

Tsuki scowled fiercely at the maid, displeased, and the young woman hastily took her leave from the moody heiress. Not that she feared the child, but the Clan Head was known for spoiling his daughter rotten, and if word ever reached his ears that someone had displeased the little demon spawn –because Tsuki would definitely go sniffling to him whenever things didn't go her way- then his wrath would be devastating. None in the compound was truly safe from his wrath save for the two people who stood on almost equal grounds as Tsuki, namely the clan Head's son and wife. All the others made sure to steer clear of the nuisance, but Tsuki was rather oblivious to it.

Seeing as her quest would remain fruitless until her father came home from his mission, Tsuki figured she was going to train as she was supposed to do with Sasuke earlier. The training grounds should be empty if he wasn't there, as her brother usually trained outside the compound if he wasn't busy with his father, and the other clan members didn't use it, allowing the clan head's family to use it in privacy. Perks of being from the main family.

It also had the main advantage of being free of the single other person she actually feared retribution from apart from her father : her mother. As women weren't, until a few years ago, allowed to train as kunoichi, Hatori Ayano barely, if ever, stepped foot in the place, and only to watch her son and husband training. Otherwise she never graced the place with her presence, not hiding the distate she held for it. She usually could be found somewhere deep in the kitchen hounding the maids or working in her office, sometimes even patrolling the halls tracking those slacking off or discussing with council members. Wherever she went, those working under her trembled in anticipation and dread, fearing their work would not meet up the ridiculously high standards of the Hatori matriarch. She knew the household by heart, knew the names, hours, and tasks meant to be done every day without fault, to the point many wondered if underneath the beautiful, pale face and fleshy form there wasn't a demon in hiding, for surely only a spirit could achieve everything she did in a single day. Many believed the day the Hatori matriarch came to pass, then surely the whole clan would, too. The men defended it, but it was the women who held it and made it as strong as it was, something widely known but never acknowledged. The point was, the woman never seemed to rest or take time for herself except at night when she slept in her quarters, but even then, she was up later than everyone but remained the first to rise in the morning. As far as she remembered, Tsuki had never, ever witnessed her mother merely relaxing or enjoying herself.

Such is why she actually froze on the porch, mouth agape, as she came upon the sight of her mother sitting, gaze focused on the training grounds in front of her and quietly sipping tea from the fragile cup she held in her hands. Her back was to her, but the instant Tsuki snapped out of her stupor and decided to turn back and pretend she had never seen her, Ayano's voice stopped her.

"Tsuki. Come sit with me, child."

Oh god, she knows I'm hanging around with Naruto, the child panicked. That's the only explanation, why would she be sitting here otherwise! Wait. No, she can't know. Nobody saw us on the swings and I can't picture Naruto telling anyone. Plus Sasuke didn't have the opportunity to tell on me yet.

The young girl tried her best to keep a neutral expression, knowing in the slight chance her mother actually didn't know, she couldn't be giving it away by allowing guilt to be seen on her features. With all the calmness and dignity she could muster, and she knew it was essentially she met up her mother's standards for grace and elegance, she kneeled beside her on the wood, a few inches respectfully behind. The Hatori Matriarch remained silent for a long while, occasionally sipping her tea, while her daughter nervously tried not to fidget while awaiting whatever judgement Ayano would pass on her –for it definitely felt like she was about to hear her sentence before getting a trial, and knowing her, it wasn't too far-fetched. At long last, Ayano eventually put her out of her misery.

"The school year will end soon, will it not?"

Tsuki did not expect the seemingly innocent question; however, she knew her mother, and it meant it was only the beginning. She could not lower her guard.

"A few weeks." She answered evasively. It did not matter, Ayano already knew the answer anyway. She wouldn't have asked otherwise. Never admit a weakness, knowledge is power.

"You are planning on graduating to genin, are you not?"

Ah, there it was. The root of everything, the reason for her presence here. It had came incredibly quickly this time, barely a question in and already the main subject was on. Tsuki immediately knew where it was going, and she didn't like it.

"Yes." She replied quietly, lowering her head. Ayano had never hidden her disapproval of her daughter's choice in career. She expected scolding, expected to be belittled and mocked for it as she usually was, but instead –her mother did something quite unexpected.

"And you have never considered your other choices, have you?"

The phrasing was gentle, neutral. Not disapproving, not condemning, just…curious. It had her on edge in under a second.

"Other choices?"

"What you can do to bring honour and pride to Konoha –and the clan."

Tsuki shook her head.

"I don't want to…to just take care of a house when I grow up," she whispered, trying her best not to offend her mother, to make her understand. Even if she knew how pointless it was. "I want to fight. I want to travel, to see what's outside Konoha. I want to protect it. Like father does." It was Ayano's turn to shake her head.

"Child, you're old enough to understand, by now," she sighed. "Who really holds this clan together? Who really makes it strong, when the men are out doing who knows what? Who makes sure they still have a home to return to when they come back?" Only then did Ayano look at the child beside her. "We do. We, the women of this clan. It has always been our role, our calling. We keep it neat, ordered, and going when the men return bloody and dumb. We show everyone our wealth and pride through the state of our homes, through the appearance we show the world. We are the true strength of this clan. We truly protect it, by giving it its reputation, its power. We do. Not the men. Not the shinobis," Ayano paused in her tirade. "Every home needs to be tended to by a matriarch, and this will be your role, Tsuki."

This had to be…perhaps the most diplomatic way Ayano had ever tried to tell her daughter she needed to quit her ninja studies. Before, she always preferred the more direct attempts, even going as far as degrading what she learned or making her skip school on the guise of spending the day with her, and secretly attempting to teach her her future duties. But Tsuki had remained unphased and determined, and Ayano had figured she needed to switch tactics.

But her carefully rehearsed and practiced words were perhaps too odd, bearing an importance too difficult to understand for a child, and as such, they were completely lost on her.

"I won't be a housewife, mother," Tsuki said, staring at the ground. No matter how bold she usually was, she could never quite meet her mother's cold eyes. "No matter how noble or important you make it out to be."

Ayano didn't answer immediately, choosing instead to stare at the small, kneeling form next to her. Hard to believe the almost cowering child was the same who went running into her father's legs whenever she'd get in trouble or someone had displeased her, the same one who'd actually decided to prank the Hyuuga elders and gotten away with it, the same who could still hold on to her desires with an iron will while not having the courage to look her in the eyes. On some level, Ayano enjoyed this display of submission from the child, even if only in appearance. The Hatori matriarch still held some authority over her, if not the one she actually desired. She directly blamed her father for that.

"…It seems I was mistaken," she eventually said, shaking her head. "You are still too much of a child to understand. We shall discuss this again in a few years."

Tsuki bristled internally, but otherwise didn't dare argue with her, electing instead to bow before rising and taking her leave. The discussion hadn't lasted that long, but the child no longer felt any desire to train after this. How could her mother manage to make her feel so bad about her choices with only a few words? In front of anyone else she could defend her dream and wishes with ease, but when she put them into doubt…suddenly her throat closed up and except from whispering her decision, she could not defend it. And she always walked away from these talks feeling like the naïve, stupid child she knew she wasn't. Ayano had a way of getting under her skin no one else had, and the child was powerless to rob her of that power she held. She could only deal with it.

But why couldn't she simply accept her choice in career? Why couldn't she accept her husband's choice to allow girls to train and become kunoichis –even though right now, only she was training as such? Why couldn't she support her, or at least stay quiet on the matter? She didn't need to have her self-esteem shot down whenever it rose slightly higher than normal. And she certainly didn't need to bear the expectations of someone else on her back, just because she came from a powerful clan. She wondered how Sasuke did it, sometimes. He always looked so proud and strong, but if she never spoke of how hard it was, then she was pretty sure her friend hid it, too. And if he didn't want to talk about it, then she certainly couldn't seek his help, but whom else could she talk to? Her father already knew and didn't really take Ayano's words seriously; Iruka-sensei was powerless because he wasn't her guardian, the maids sided with her mother, and her friend didn't want to-

Hold on.

A slow smile crept on Tsuki's lips, hidden in the shadows of the empty halls.

One of her friends wouldn't want to talk about how his elders could be wrong.

The other one certainly wasn't as reserved.

Naruto would probably be elated to hear her complain about the grown-ups, and she'd have someone to talk to, even if she doubted the usefulness of his input. He wouldn't be alone, she would be able to vent and on top it would be like sticking her figurative middle finger in her mother's face. Because she sure as hell wasn't ever going to do it for real, she liked her bottom the way it was, thank you very much.

Nodding to herself, Tsuki swiftly changed direction in order to head out the door. She had no idea what Naruto usually did in his free time, but whatever it was, he was going to have to make time for her. She doubted he even had anyone to spend time with.

It was what friends did, after all.