Ah, hello again, I know it's been awhile but life has been a tad bit hectic. But enough about me, let's dive into the carnage.

Qrow took a deep breath, and a deep swig, as he knocked on the door of the so-called "B.A.S.T.A.R.D.S". He knew that this day would come but he expected it to be after his death or when Raven comes back to be a good mom, you know, never. When there was no reply he sighed, turning the knob ever so slowly. Ever there was ever a time for my semblance to suddenly give me good luck... Now is the time.

The Brothers were not on his side as he opened the door to see Ruby and Yang wrestling on the floor, with what he can only he assumed was a Schnee facepalming and a green-haired girl just watching the fight on fold. All four turned to the door and froze when they saw the man who they were all waiting for. After a good few minutes of silence, Emerald broke the silence.

"D-dad...?"

Qrow could only say one thing at that moment, "H-hey, kiddo..."

She walked up to him, tears welling up in her crimson eyes as she was now right infront of the man. And she kicked him in the balls as hard as she could.

Sometime later

Qrow was on the floor still despite already given an ice pack and having aura, but men of all types understood why. He steadied his breath as if he were going through the pain of labor. Yang was rubbing his back reassuringly as Weiss and Ruby managed to calm Emerald down. Ruby was the first to speak up, "S..so... I think explanations are in order.."

"Sit me up, Yang..." The old man grumbled, his niece doing what she was asked. He was now facing his daughters, "Alright... when a man and a woman are in love.. or just dr-"

Weiss held her hand up, "Stop... not that kind of explanation, the explanation for why all of us share an X chromosome?"

"And why you left me and my mom!" Emerald spat at his feet, tempted to make sure he won't need to worry about bastard kids.

The reaper took out his flask, which Ruby immediately snatched from him, "No drinking... We need you sober for this..."

"Fine.. Fine.. Well, my semblance involves bad luck. Towards others specifically."

Each girl raised their eyebrow, "And that has to do with this how...?"

Qrow coughed into his hand, "Well.. When using condoms you know how there's a 98-99% guarantee rate?"

Ruby scratched her head, "I still do-" She turned to her 'sisters', seeing each having a bright red blush. "Oh... Oooooooooooooooooooh."

"Yeah.. s-"

"So you're saying we're all accidents..." Weiss put her head in her hands, Emerald patted her back reassuringly. "Look on the bright side... Your mom's rich while mine died penniless in the gutter..." Her eyes narrowed at Qrow, who choked a bit. "W-what?"

"Yeah, Oria Sustrai, rings any bells?" She crossed her arms, waiting for Qrow's response.

"Nice little number who operated a bar I visited one night, am I correct?"

She nodded, tears starting to come back.

"I'm sorry for not coming back... If I'd have known I'd have stopped that from happening best I could.. And.. might not be much now but if you want me in your life I'll happily try my best to be there."

Her expression softened a bit, muttering something about that being start. It was Weiss' turn, "As for just... how, you managed to... 'bed' my mother..?"

He shrugged, looking ideally out the window, "I remember it like it was yesterday..."

Willow Schnee was in a state of undress s-

"NO! No, no, no, no, no!" Yang managed to get up and covered Ruby's ears, Weiss rubbed her temples as she rephrased her question. "How did you MEET my mother?!"

"Oh, eh, had to save her from a few White Fang attacks and we got really drunk together. Less of a one night stand and more of an ongoing friends with benefits thing."

Weiss gagged at that, And yet... this is still a better father figure then Jacques.

Ruby raised her hand, "So... why was I raised by my dad and not you?" DNA aside, Ruby spent her life being raised by Taiyang and will see him as her dad no matter what.

The old crow laid back, "Because my semblance would have eventually gotten you hurt... Summer thought it was safest having Tai take care of you alongside Yang.. She and I were going to tell you when you were older but..."

He got silent, stiffening when he felt Ruby come over and hug him. "It's alright... I forgive you." She smiled, kissing his cheek which helped lift his spirits. He ruffled her hair like he always would, "Thanks, squirt.. So.." He turned back to the others, "These are all my kids?"

"Not all of them."

At that moment, they all turned to the doorway. They saw Velvet, Nora, Winter Schnee, even Whitley Schnee waiting outside the room.

"We late for the meeting?" Nora smiled, Qrow merely fainted in response.

Tada