To those who believe this story is going to turn into Qrow having a harem, no. The reason why he has so many kids is because I thought it'd be funny, plus I see it less as him having a harem and more a long list of drunken one night stands. Anyway, let's continue with the Branwen clan.

Whitley was currently rocking back and forth in fetal position, tears running down his face. "This isn't happening... this isn't happening... this isn't happening..."

Qrow sat down next to him, putting an arm around the boy. "What? Too overwhelming to have such an awesome dad?"

The boy broke out into sobs, "I'm a bastard spawn of some drunken barbarian!" At that, his 'dad' gave him a quick slap upside the head. "Hey! You show your old man some respect!"

While the two had a tender father-son moment, the rest of the room were discussing this recent development in a circle. Ruby scratched the back of her head as she looked over her shoulder at the boys, "Uh.. shouldn't we help them?"

Winter shook her head, "I'm sure they're fine, now... it appears that all of you now know that all heirs of the Schnee house are not the spawn of the patriarch Jacques."

Emerald smirked, "I bet a lot of pe-"

Whatever she was going to say was stopped by a blade placed against her throat. "Blood or not, I will not hesitate to take appropriate measures to keep that information from spreading to unsavory individuals." She removed the weapon, "Now... As my sister I will expect you to join Weiss and I for brunch every other Sunday, accept my holiday gifts in return for homemade cards, and give hugs."

Nora beamed at that last one, giving Winter the most spine-crushing hug she could muster. "Oh this is the best day ever! I get a grandpa, a dad, and a bunch of sisters!" The eldest Schnee choked out, "T-that's very n-" a crack was heard as her face began to turn blue. Yang, Weiss, and surprisingly Emerald began to pry Nora off the poor girl. Ruby and Velvet were left just watching the display, she decided to turn to her new faunus sis. "Sooo... how'd your mom and Qrow meet?"

Velvet scratched the back of her head and smiled, "Well... same as Nora's mom, only my mom was working the late shift in a Mistrali pub and... you can guess the rest." Her cheeks started burning a tad bit red, Ruby's as well after her insinuation.

"Oh THANK OUM!"

The two turned to see Winter free of Nora's grasp, treating the air like a man in the desert treats a puddle of water. Qrow came over, dragging Whitley by the collar. "So girls... how about some ice cream? A little bit of family bonding, y'know?"

All (who weren't catching their breath or being dragged) nodded.

Pyrrha wasn't sure what to make of the scene before her,

"Just... one more time, explain..."

If she didn't have the patience of a saint she'd rub her temples, before her was Pyrrha's dear friend and team leader tangled in the vines of a tree. The monkey faunus who got him in that predicament chuckled nervously,

"Well... We've been doing some family bonding and I thought to really bring him intouch with his faunus side w-"

"Was to have him swing through the trees like an ape man... which ended in this.." She pinched the bridge of her nose, At the very least you could've put him in a loincloth for me...

She tossed her spear without even having to look, the dunce landing next to them with a thud. He spat out some grass and gave a thumbs up, "Thanks, Pyrrha!"

Even when covered in dirt he manages to be adorable. She gave a small smile and nodded, "I'm sorry... Come on, I hear Ren is spending some time with his distant relative. Maybe they could use some company."

Somewhere in the Beacon dormitory, Cinder Fall found herself sat across from her 8th cousin, a quiet Mistrali with a thing for green tea. After introductions, they just sat in silence and sipped their tea. No going over plans, no dealing with annoying teammates/henchmen, and nothing really out of the ordinary.

This is... nice. She thought, keeping her stoic expression as she raised her glass.

Keep in mind this was always meant to be a crack kind of story meant to entertain, to keep things easier I might have the next chapters just be omakes (either separate from this 'timeline/canon' or within this timeline). If you have any ideas like any of the Branwen Sisterhood's suitors asking Qrow for his approval, Cardin becoming less of a dick after joining a faunus group, or Ozpin spoiling his newfound granddaughter. As for why this chapter was so short, I really just wanted to show that I'm not dead and am still interested in continuing this in some form.