Chapter 80q: The Torture of Men-kind (16 July 2003, the lawn of the apartment building)

It is not every day that you see your daughter threatening your wayward son, and especially not by threatening to pour out a thermos over his head.

Hell, it isn't every year I see them quarrel.

Worse, I think this is the first time I've seen them at odds ever since Cain spilled his chocolate milk over her favorite doll when they were little. I still recall how he was as upset as she was.

"BAKA!"

Her frustrated scream makes me jump a little, and I'm sitting in my wheeled chair a dozen metres away. That outburst really startles a man.

Or maybe it is just me; Cain is as unruffled as is the norm for him as Setsuka paces away with a scowl in my direction.

A crack between those two? Is their relationship souring? It is not like them to fight. Not in the slightest.

Is this a chance sent by Heaven?

Before I get to even question it, she wurms her way past me, slamming the open thermos on the tray I hold in my arms, right next to the steamy hot teapot. The wayward thermos I forgot to bring along to the kitchen found its way back home. Typical.

But that little consideration has already lost me my chance. She's jumping up the stairs, clearly not wanting me to follow her. If she did, she'd take the lift of which the door are still wide open from my arriving downstairs just now.

Somewhere upstairs, a door slams. Probably ours.

Since I can't really chase after her anyways, I opt to carefully maneuver my way over the threshold, an open thermos with lukewarm contents and a hot pot of tea sitting on the tray in my lap. The realization hits me for just a moment: tea cools down, but so do people. Let's give her some time.

Thankfully, no accident occurs as I cross this tricky obstacle. Hot tea in my lap is the last thing I'm ready to deal with right now.

"So, what did you do this time?" I call out as I approach, hoping that the humor shines through in my voice. Maybe I can knock down some walls between me and him. It is way overdue, so whatever chance I missed with her… maybe I can grab this other one.

Then again, he's ignoring me utterly. For fucks sake.

"Can you put this tray down? And maybe empty out the thermos and refill it with the new tea I made? I'm not sure where the lid went, though."

A sigh of frustration escapes him, and his study book snaps closed in a way that clearly signals his annoyance at the fact I asked him this. But he does stand up and do as I ask of him, which is just a bit surprising. Maybe I'm making progress with him after all.

Even I am not so stupid to not realize that most of his helpful attitude lately has been possible because of her.

"She thinks really highly of you, you know. Is picking fights with me alone not enough anymore to the point that you are now taking it out on her?"

The question that crosses my mind is asked before I come to question whether or not it would be the right thing to ask him. But by the time that I realize that no, it is not the right thing to ask, I can already see him glaring at me.

…. Yup. I've mounted the tiger now, and there's no getting off. For better or for worse.

"Fine. You don't have to tell me. But don't think I went blind. My legs might not work as well, but I can see the way she's been looking at you."

He raises his eyebrow as he looks at me, standing next to the begonias as they get to drink Englands finest blend, lukewarm as it may be. "And how, pray tell, is she looking at me?"

His voice contains that cockiness. It is probably why he leans back on his ever-increasing acting experience: I could almost say he's trying to sound like a little Lord. There's no reason for that rather noticeable posh inflection otherwise. What do they call it? Stiff upper lip?

"Hmmm. Like a woman who is being strung along by someone she loves. She's putting in a lot of faith and trust, and while you probably haven't done bad by her, the lack of answers and explanations is frustrating her immensely."

"Like you and mom?" He inquires. Figures. It always comes back to that with him.

Fine. I deserve it. Let's move beyond it, as always. Still, I take a deep breath first, just so I can be a bit more forceful with this statement.

"No. Nothing like me and mom."

He doubts me. I can see it in his eye as he approaches to come get the teapot. Maybe if I open up a bit…

"It's more like me and Zoe."

"Oh? You are treating the worth of this woman like she's nothing, too?"

Ever so glib, his response is like a fast jab to the gut. Damn this kid!

My fingers grip my pant leg. I can't get physical with him, damn it. Not anymore. Nor do I want to. Not really. Not really. Not really.

If only I repeat it often enough, it becomes true.

I don't want to.

Yet he just continues pushing the envelope. Folding his arms over one another while giving me that cocky stare.

"I can tell she's not been by nearly as much as before. You did wrong by her, as you did by mom. Right?"

Who am I kidding? I definitely want to pummel this little snot-nosed asshole!

"What do you want to hear, Cain? 'YES'? 'I am so sorry'? Grow up, Cain. GROW UP. Life goes on. Just once, take a step back and realize the past is the past, and today is today!"

I almost yell the words at him, but the little cocky smile of gloating that plays at the corners of his lips as he lifts up the teapot makes me realize I'd be dancing along to his every little whim again. It is as if getting driving me nuts and provoking outbursts from me is his entire fucking raison d'être!

"Zoe is keeping her distance until we work out our issues."

"Fat chance." My boy, he's got such a way with words.

"Agreed. I told her you were a lost cause, but she didn't listen. Go figure, huh?"

I offer him a grin of my own, but the way he dismissively rolls his eyes makes me feel that maybe I got to him just a little bit. Good. I'll likely lose Zoe due of him, so if he feels just a bit bad, I'll crown myself the winner of our verbal brawl.

"Now stop dawdling and fill up that thermos before there's no more point to doing so."

The moment of hesitation shows that he is considering just walking away. Just to stick it to me. Yet… he doesn't. Carefully, he positions the teapot so that he can pour the contents safely into the thermos. Meanwhile, I try to wheel my way back into the shadow of the tree, a task made a bit more troublesome by the erosion of the grass.

Looking back towards Cain, my eye falls back on the entrance. What the #$% did that boy do to piss off little Setsuka?

"Has she been fishing for compliments, lately? Or berated you for anything? Did you forget to apologize?"

I just start listing scenarios, figuring that if I hit home, maybe I'll see a response out of him that'll let me appease the temperamental princess mistreating the doors upstairs.

"Uhh… not really?"

His voice sound clueless. Like hell. He knows what he did.

"You sure? She's growing up, you know. She'll be turning into a proper little lady sooner than you'd know. You can't keep treating her like a little kid."

He glances at me, his shoulders lifting in the universal language of 'whatever'. As usual, he is intent on ignoring whatever I say.

'Whatever' right back at you, son: I'm just going to keep prying until you give me something.

"Are you looking at girls yet? If you did, maybe you'd have noticed." I continue, and finally, I feel like I got a response out of him.

"So what if I look at girls? I grow up. I am supposed to."

'Growing up to be like your old man, huh?' is what I am about to say, but just this once my saner side thinks better of turning back into the familiar trenches we duck into whenever we're given an excuse.

"And yet you fail to have given your little sister a nice word about how she looks. Even if you ignore her clothes, you should have noticed how much effort she's been putting into her appearance, right?" His expression lacks the gotcha I hoped for, I start to litter some examples for him to ruminate over. After all, the apple doesn't fall too far away from the tree, "Neatly applied nail polish as opposed to last weeks worn-down leftovers from fooling around with her sister? Or how about the lipgloss I saw her applying after dinner the other day? She's growing up into a woman, kiddo."

For once, I can see the Cain I used to know as a little kid. The kid who, despite his protectiveness over Setsuka, was still so blind to everything in the world. Yet now, it it is on the face of a boy that is well on his way to becoming a man.

Oblivion. It is as intruiging as it is satisfying to see its splendor on that brats face.

"Your little sister puts effort into the way she looks, so as a person she cares about, you should most definitely take note and encourage her. Don't think self-expression and confidence comes easily to any girl; she probably fears the ridicule of those who do take notice… so is a little compliment that hard for you to give?"

If I were to see myself in a mirror right now, I am sure I'd be sporting a huge gloating grin. It cannot be avoided. He and I: we are in an adversarial relationship, even if I do want to punch him as much as I am supposed to love him.

Alas, there's not much time for contemplating all that, because a sudden

"I don't want your meaningless compliments!"

from above interrupts me.