Hi everybody. This one is a bit heavier than those before it so I'm adding on additional TWs for allusions/mentions of sexual assault, and one instance of slightly graphic burn injuries; also I feel this one is the clunkiest of everything so far in terms of me going overboard on the similar adjectives (and commas). I wrote this at the start of last year and since the point of this anthology is to archive my past writing style over 2 yrs, I have not corrected it. Despite this I think its still readable and hits its themes. The gamer boy of last chapter was a Persona 5 cameo of Shinya- here Makoto Niijima from the same game also makes a cameo. I was going through another Persona phase at the time. EDIT: Oh and I forgot to add the inclusion of Real Estate is a reference to Joseph Joestar since thats what he does after Pt. 2 of JJBA; I've thought of Nozomi and Joseph as similar for years, so certain aspects of my interpretation are callbacks to him.
The rapid clacking as her faintly scarred fingers removed the pot clashed against the screaming machines. Beside her sweating coworkers in their aprons raced around the cramped counters. They avoided each other by the skin of their teeth, like cars swerving from a near collision. Mechanically she rechecked the order then assembled the latte. Her hands moved with the natural ease of walking. Her throbbing back ached; her ankles had long been rubbed an angry red. She finished and made for the swarm of fidgety customers. Any complaints were smothered in her throat as she donned a paper thin smile.
"One Caffe Misto for a Mr. Iwai. That'll be four hundred forty yen."
A five hundred yen coin was tossed before her as the salaryman took his drink. She hopefully glanced to the tip jar, holding a sigh when it remained empty. Next came an office woman reeking of sweet perfume, a few chatty high schoolers, more salarymen, panic eyed college first years. Their faces began to blend into blurry wisps, human only by their silhouettes. The scent of coffee flooded her lungs until she wanted to sprint away. It pooled, sapping at her strength, pulling her into a river of orders.
Her senses flailed no better than a drowned rat. The dimming light from the windows failed to shift her vacant expression. The rushing faucet poured over her numb hands as she washed equipment. She faintly heard footsteps approaching from behind. She kept washing.
"Oh hey Tojo, your shift's over right? I can finish those."
Slowly she turned around dazed, not minding the water spilling onto her shoes. Her drained face mirrored the weary endurance in her voice. She faintly smiled, upturning her clammy, paled cheeks.
"Ah Niijima it's alright I'll do it. I've already started and-"
The world spun as her grip gave out. The blender parts clattered to the floor.
"T-Tojo! Are feeling well?"
Her body fell against the girl like a toppled tree. She nodded and gathered her breath. Her limbs burned, sinking helplessly. The glassy film over her eyes carried the pain far, far away over the hill of exhaustion. As though she were lifting a collapsed grandmother Niijima set Nozomi upright. Pity simmered beneath the girl's perfectly straightened employee hat.
"You should go home. Please. My shift can take it from here. I can tell Mr. Inoue you might be sick and calling out."
Faintly Nozomi smiled and fought a hollow laugh. Around them the race continued beyond the open doorway. The coffee stench sunk into her pores. It splashed a bitter taste in her mouth. She touched her forehead as it throbbed.
"Thanks. I'll owe you one later. It feels awful to leave more work for you new hires."
"This doesn't bother me at all, it's your health that's alarming. I may be out of line but I believe fewer days working the floor will help." Niijima said shaking her head.
"You're really kind for a kid your age. I'll leave it to you."
"Have a good evening and please be safe."
She found her dazed reflection mirrored on the train door. Her hair clung against her sticky skin as if afraid to let go. The settled bags under her eyes were made shadows beneath taller strangers cramming her aside; like a can of meat about to pop from botulism. She wrapped her arms tighter around her worn purse. The world passed outside marked by apartments vaguely familiar if only for being identical. A barrage of bright billboards stung her eyes as a commercial sector emerged.
Women slimmer than the caffeine scented straws she sold pressed drink cans to their cheeks, reclining in titillating bikinis. Another woman smiled on a video display, holding out her hand toward a shiny car. Her head cocked sideways while her eyes begged an invitation. Huge taglines in obnoxious bold font recommended her the low low price of five hundred thousand (but she had to act soon!). The latest diet tool came packaged in the bikini girls hands on closer inspection- Guaranteed To Give That Summer Bod! Their cheery faces reeked of snake oiled, assuming promises and dreams cashed in stained sheets.
It couldn't lift her mood as it mingled with the air conditioned scent of sweat and pointless cycles. They mingled cruelly, making her stare return outside. A new billboard showed a man posing a .38 in profile. His tailored suit was solid black as the void she drifted in hoping for tips. The title font implied a detective drama. She filed it away, Eli would want a new distraction. Above it a billboard as wide as a train car loomed. Her eyes drew to it's obnoxious size the way a mountain range seen from a hill is inescapable.
A group of doe eyed girls with faces rounded by baby fat stood in choreographed poses. The care to their makeup and blush would make Niko hurl in envy she thought. Every inch and gesture remained precise; the girl's expressions were blank slates. Apprehension smoldered in their eyes, overshadowed beneath the edited flash of the camera. She glimpsed the release date and title of their album. Her chest tightened, festering a cocktail of wistful pain and faint, bitter contempt. It did not make her proud. Her worn hands and red ankles throbbed, as if aware, as if poorly reassuring.
The darkness was unbroken as she entered the narrow main hall. Carefully she closed and locked the door behind her, frightened to break the silence. She drew a steady breath as she slipped off her shoes. It collapsed into a sigh when she'd stripped the shell of her clinging clothes. Her aching feet screamed in relief when she hit the bed in her sweaty underwear. Instantly she tensed; her breath hitched in a soft gasp. The hard edge of scattered pens and opened books rubbed against her soles. Sighing she draped an arm over the raised blanket beside her.
"Elicchi you forgot to clean up again." She mumbled, welcoming the drowsiness slipping into her voice.
"Hm?…Mhm, I'm sorry. I meant to study in the kitchen but wound up here."
"Long shift today?"
"Mhm but I got through it. I even managed half my essay after."
She pressed closer wrapping herself around Eli's waist.
"Good."
"You?"
"Same as always, don't worry."
"Should I move my things?"
"Morning." She said weakly, surrendering into the arms of sleep.
The line extending around the bend of the store doors still sunk a pit in her stomach. Muscle memory pulled the puppet strings for her limbs. Somewhere within it all she felt her face begin to strain behind a constant smile. There came a Hojicha Tea Latte, an Earl Grey, a Cappucino, a Caffe Misto and then- Customers blurred into an endless river, until the world narrowed to her hands, until the POS read 15:00. She wiped her hands on her apron.
"I'm taking my break now. I'll be back in forty five."
"Got it." She heard a coworker reply as her place was refilled.
As she punched out the drink names recited themselves in a haunting tune of confusing syllables. They rattled around her brain in a crude taunt that hurried her out the door.
The humid late August air wasn't much better. It stuck to her worse than a fly on shit and soured her mood as crudely. When she walked into convenience store with its full time AC, a midday line snaked through the sea of aisles. She looked around, found the exit crowded, and sighed. The clock read twenty minutes past when she handed bills to the cashier. With bulging eyes she about faced. Her feet pressed on webs of sharp throbbing pain in every step.
Racing down the streets she'd come clutching her plastic bag, strangers blurred, like parting waves. She heard the sounds of car horns, focused chatter, and ringtones merge into white noise until-
She burst through the break room door. Sinking into a seat she unpacked her bag and opened the containers. Her pork bun and pre-made soba were cold as she wolfed them down, an eye to the clock. They'd barely settled in her stomach when she returned behind her register. Her resigned sigh drifted as far as her distant eyes; blank and unreadable. .
Niijima appeared from behind when she threw on her cap and undid the apron. Hurriedly she traded it for her trench coat out a locker. In a coarse way her heart thudded with an eagerness to be off. Smoothing her tattered civility into something presentable, she let their eyes meet. The girl, on the verge of a high school graduation, had concern pasted to her as though it were always there. She gestured in worry, hesitant to speak. In turn it made Nozomi frown, seeing the youth slump from her face if even for a moment. It rested in the eyes, they were narrow, keen, investigative.
"You seem better than yesterday. Is everything alright?"
"Yes I'm just fine. That was only a little slip up, really."
"I see. Goodnight then." She said, unconvinced but too polite and time pressed to continue. Quietly her stare leafed through Nozomi like a list.
"Goodnight."
Her footsteps fled the Starbucks and carried her down a familiar avenue. The train platform made her stomach sink as she waited. When it finally came, the announcer signaling the line destinations turned it to sickness. It wallowed and slowly churned as with each new ad sign approached. Stacked in columns that climbed up skyscrapers like vines their lights lit a beacon in the night. Suddenly the PA chimed in it's flat, tired voice.
"Akihabara, this is Akihabara Station."
The streets with their roads, avenues, pockets, and junctions stirred a dusty corner of her brain. Shut off sections of her map faded in as the store fronts blared, the flyer sellers shouted, the crowds packed with foreigners and enraptured geeks. Above came another assault of massive billboards larger than her bedroom. A new troupe of idols stared down at her, their expressive faces scolding her in their blank eyes. She kept her head level, wearing ignorance like a hood pulled over her face.
Time drifted away before she stopped under an awning. The cafe face had hardly changed from her youth; though it wore new paint like poorly applied makeup. She hurried inside, numbing herself to the judgmental stares above. A woman with a girl's face and cartoonish French maid uniform curtsied. Not for the first time it made her stomach twist. Beyond she was faintly aware of the rowdy chatter, of a few customer's glazed eyes that yearned with unsaid vulgarities.
"Welcome home Maste-oh! "
The maid looked up and froze, then stood straight. Her voice abandoned its strained childlike cuteness. It slipped abruptly into a lowered, womanly pitch. For an instant the frantic performance on her face remained, giving way to relief.
"I see…you're on time as usual. Right this way."
She gestured with a finger and winded through the maze of occupied tables. Like clockwork another took her place at the entrance. A fleet of women dressed in identical uniforms strut about carrying full trays using both hands. Their practiced modesty and innocent airheaded manner continued to amaze her, as much as it had grown exhausting.
They moved to a backroom behind the counter. The softly alarmed glance of the maid staffing it brushed against her in passing. Must be new, she thought. Suddenly they stopped at the doorway at the end of a narrow hall. Past her guide's shoulders she spotted the lined up lockers. The woman called inside.
"Ayase! Your escort friend is here."
"I told you not to call her that Minoru!" Came a playfully irritated reply.
"And I told you it's Minori, someday you'll get customers thinking I'm a man."
Minori crossed her arms and leaned against the door frame. The pretend hurt covering her face masked a level of true annoyance. Nozomi felt compelled to praise her acting, but let it pass. She fidgeted with her skirt.
"They're only a sound off, that's tricky. I have to memorize a bunch of similar names all day. Thanks for bringing her again though."
"Of course. I wouldn't leave her to get gawked at you know."
"I appreciate it, I really do."
She smiled when Eli's eyes met her, exhaustion tilting her posture. Her hair though pulled back stood frazzled around her face. The weariness melted slowly as they drew closer and Minori stepped away. An intimate pause that remained aware of their surroundings held them in limbo. As Eli returned her smile their heads turned hearing a dry cough, the spell interrupted. Minori shook her head.
"Well I'm heading back, got an hour left on my end. You two stay out of trouble on the way home. It's the weekend tomorrow and we'll need a full roster."
"I'm not planning on anything awful." Eli said, frowning.
"Sure sure, I'll be seeing you!"
They watched her wave without looking back as she walked off. Sighing, Eli stuffed her hands into her pockets. Her sore body throbbing painfully beneath her clothes leaned against Nozomi's hug. She smiled, the weariness shuffling around her eyes. She felt Nozomi shift to wrap an arm around her shoulders instead. Her face winced and softly she sucked her teeth. Stopping in place, Nozomi's rising smile crashed. Eli shied away seeing her head concernedly tilt, wincing again when Nozomi gently pressed on her skin.
Before anything could be said Eli whisked her through a backdoor to a clean alleyway. The hiding sun cast long shadows that failed to blot Nozomi's quivering lips, Eli's fixation at her feet, and the rage rolling over them; a thundercloud.
Eli attempted continuing out after a pause but stopped, hearing no one follow. She turned Nozomi's way, shamefully reluctant. The question made her shrink into herself.
"What happened, Elicchi?"
"It's…a customer during work keeps touching me. She comes in every so often enough and always starts it here-"
She pointed to the spot that'd made her cringe, as though to touch it was to invoke a curse.
"That part is quick like she's trying to be friendly. Then a little after she tries to hide it. That's when I feel her along my thighs. You know our uniforms leave that area exposed so, she touches from underneath the table and-"
Her face went bug eyed when suddenly Nozomi's face filled her vision. The thundercloud of rage had struck its lightening; and in an instant Eli lost her words. The worry of the stinging wound on her shoulder dissipated into fog for a moment; replaced by fear from a wrath she'd thought impossible.
"Go on, what else is there Elicchi? Have you ever told anyone?"
The voice was as clear as it was calm, the voice of a resolution to kill. Eli shook her head, her quivering beginning to still. Her words hesitated as they dropped to a whisper, as though she were forcing out bile.
"The most she's done sometimes is…her hand will go under my skirt."
"That's enough."
At last a fraction of the darkening over Nozomi's face forced its way into her furious plea. Her knuckles grew a dangerous white; a small voice in Eli's mind wondered if the blood had completely drained. She didn't argue feeling her hands be held together. Their foreheads touched and her eyes closed. The scent of roasted coffee grounds with lingering sage radiated off Nozomi's clothes; a permanent fixture. Her senses calmed, her heart slowed.
"Just tell me the details, that's all I want to know. Maybe not now if its too much. Later is fine."
She sniffled and nodded. There was the soft sensation of her tears being wiped. At last her eyes reopened. They said little on the train home.
The hold of Eli's arms against her bound them together almost painfully. She felt the faint tickles of breath on her neck in the darkness, and swallowed a sob. In a way far gentler than in recent memory she stroked Eli's hair. The puffiness of Eli's tearing face hung over them. Though she buried her nose in Eli's scalp it remained. Though she itched to toss and turn then settled for counting sheep, it burrowed under her skin.
She sighed staring at the ceiling, her brain raced. As her thoughts churned into schemes, sleep threw its hands over her eyes.
Early morning made her shudder even as she pulled her jacket closer. The crisp air stung against her out of character for mid summer. Thorns of pain as it whipped her face beat away the lingering anger that'd clung to her when she'd woke. Grunting, she stuck her hands in her pockets and reluctantly emptied her mind. Her feet quickened when she let the wind push her forward; as though it gave her permission to embark on what needed to be done.
She stopped herself from toppling over when a flying mass of paper latched onto her face. Jolting she yanked them off until one crumpled in her grip. The irritation marring her mellowed when she stared down; her head cocked in curiosity. The flier was letter sized and a pristine white. Formal block font, the kind she'd expect of a law firm card, stared up at her with a self made authority. It stoked her interest into a modest flame and read,
Seeking New Applicants, Help Wanted
5 Years Experience Preferred, License Holders Welcome
Day And Night Shifts Available
Contact: 81-3-748-3600
Address: Takano Realities IS Bldg 3F
Takano Realities 1-8-1
Minato-Ward Tokyo 106-0044
She flipped it over and found the back empty. A young man with neatly combed business cut hair disheveled into a mockery by the wind scrambled to retrieve the fliers. He cursed under his breath. Clutching the one she'd taken to her chest, her bewildered eyes followed him as he stood. For an instant he considered the paper in her hands skeptically. Then in one motion he bowed, slurred an apology, and scurried down the street before she thought to get in a word.
When he became a dot on the horizon she dug for her phone. An impulsive energy born from a crossbreed of hope and desperation made her heart swell. In a flurry of motion that only came from experience she sprung open a new tab on her browser. The swirling rage that once possessed her was thrown to its own pocket; the impulse seizing its place. Within seconds of googling her eyes bulged in their sockets.
"This…this much salary is…!"
In passing she glanced at the digital clock above and sucked her teeth as she hurried to the station.
Her fingers slipped for an instant placing a top on a frappuccino. Predictably it spilled whipped cream down her apron; a sense of awareness returned to her glazed eyes. It cultivated and struck a lightening bolt in the realization chasing her head out of the clouds. Fumbling about with the grace of a first timer startled shitless, there was an uncomfortable pause before she composed herself. In a voice so faint it could've faded from earshot she heard something passive aggressive emerge at the counter.
An eerily polite smile, her best feature in her arsenal, covered up her face when she turned around. Placing the drink down she stabbed the POS buttons with her fingers. Strangely the gesture had life to it; imbued in its first emotion, impatience. The customer, an eye rolling office woman toting an equally annoyed coworker, opened her wallet.
"This place would do better if it had people who paid attention." She said crinkling her mouth into a catty sneer.
"That'll be five hundred fifty yen ma'am."
Her smile dripped down the reply quenching it to iron beneath the words. Folding her hands over her apron her head tilted in an inquisitive way. The green of her eyes had darkened from gentle moss to murky swamp water. Behind swirled the impatience that reached out a heavy hand like a monster of the deep. The customer paled, slid across the money, and mumbled something resembling "Keep the change." as she watched them scamper. They were quickly replaced by a salaryman dragging bags under his eyes.
The end of each transaction marked the start of a new idea chattering in her mind. Each bent her ear for a listen, more entertaining than the last. She juggled them skillfully while her muscle memory remained working the counter. While some other part of her collected others change. What could she do with real estate cash? Before that, would the role even suit her? How long did the training take, what were the chances of landing an entry position afterward? With that much, how many dinners could she treat Eli and their friends to before they burst?
The onslaught busied her into a whirlwind of mental exercise. She calculated figures and schemed dreams into hypotheticals stoking a fire that'd remained cold for ages. Beneath it lingered the still smoking kindling of earlier, an anger primed for a vengeance that'd make her quiver if she drew near. It welded her to her seat as she sat in the break room, picking at store bought soba. Vaguely she noticed the outline of Niijima sit across the table. Her face lit up ever so slightly at the sight. Hope wrote its signature across her expression; could she tell someone else? Was it right?
Niijima looked up from her food (a store bento carefully rearranged to seem anything but), puzzled.
"Yes?"
In a split second far ahead of her whirling mind instinct splayed it out for her.
"Ms. Niijima, there's something I'd like your opinion on. It might not be very appropriate of me to confess it to you, but there are few others I feel able to say much of anything to now."
The girl's face widened and froze, the picture of a deer staring into the jaws of unseen danger. A flicker of something like curiosity edging into concern danced over her. Nozomi watched her set down her utensils. Together their eyes shifted across the sparse room, their voices lowered. They leaned toward each other.
"What exactly do you mean?"
"It's a personal issue, involving a…friend. A very good friend, my best partner from high school. They told me they have a pervert at work who, well, you can imagine."
Niijima's eyes widened as her lips quivered and her skin paled aghast. For a moment Nozomi waited in uncomfortable silence feeling time crawl by. She nearly slunk herself back into her chair when a sudden stare pinned her in place. A hard, judicial focus possessed Niijima's bearing toward rigid concentration. Nozomi looked on, a clever raccoon caught slumbering by a bristling wolf.
"Is your friend a man or a woman? That could affect how authorities see the case. I'll be frank, if its a man they may be less invested. If its a woman however, I'd predict a faster response with substantial evidence of course. In addition, how long has this pervert been harassing them? How frequent is the physical contact?"
Slowly Nozomi blinked and recoiled in surprise. Another, faster pause bridged the gap between them. She saved an observation for later.
"They're a woman, the pervert is another woman as well. I can't give you a time frame unfortunately; I only learned about it yesterday. The most I'm sure of is they haven't exposed them or told anyone besides me. That…and they're still being targeted."
"Is it in a workplace? A case of a boss using their position against an employee?"
"No no, I don't even want to imagine if it were that. A customer abusing an employee at, er…a maid cafe." She said, lowering her eyes and turning away. Her hands she kneaded together, as though she'd uttered a curse and tempted fate.
There came a surprised tiny gasp from Niijima, who blushed as she mixed her rice. She stared into her lunch. The air balloon of enthusiasm above them deflated, shot down by embarrassed silence, Nozomi watched her cover her mouth as she swallowed food to regain her composure. She absentmindedly twiddled her thumbs, anticipating, running a list of rejections. Her mind spun a roulette wheel of prepared responses formulated by an archive of memories. She'd gotten halfway through rehearsing a reaction to 'Well in that job what do you expect?' when Niijima firmly said,
"That doesn't make what she's going through any less wrong. She has a right to a safe work environment, just as we do."
"I… that's true. Thank you for understanding."
"Although, I'd still suggest some occupation that isn't focused on sex appeal in close quarters. I know however that everyone's circumstances are different. Besides if I didn't feel as concerned for people in that work like I do others, I'd make a terrible police commissioner someday."
Nozomi's brow rose as the girl took another bite. Quickly she matched her and finished in time to add,
"I had meant to ask based on how spirited you looked talking about justice. So you want to have a career in law?"
"Of course. It's the best thing for me. My father he…"
Her voice trailed and she went still on the edge of something that slammed her full stop. She stared into her hands, her eyes glazed by a profound ache Nozomi didn't need spoken to understand. The urge for tears that threatened Niijima's face was buried. The last to leave was a fleeting memory of mourning.
"My sister herself pursued prosecuting; its natural that I join them in changing society the same way."
There was a moment of stagnant, anxious quiet.
"But, is it what you want to do? Something I guess you could, stake your life on? I'm a first year in university and I…I just…"
She was about to rest her chin in a palm as her shoulders slumped when Niijima's stare froze her in place. It carried a razor edged intensity that aged her into a shadow of the authority she'd become.
"Forgive me if this is beyond what I should say; but, Ms. Tojo do you have anything in your life you'd give everything to accomplish? To protect? A passion that moves every inch of you so that you couldn't live without it?"
Without a moment's hesitation the faces of her friends, their chatter, and laughter draped over her thoughts. She saw Eli, broken with her puffy eyes and shivering tears from a touch unwanted. A knot of flame born from her half repressed rage warmed her belly. It burned wild through her veins, extinguishing the kind modesty in her eyes. In its place something wicked and fierce glimpsed out into the world. Niijima's alarmed face said enough. For a moment she stared at Nozomi dazed, as though she'd witnessed something forbidden.
Hungrily Nozomi nodded her head and finished her nearly forgotten meal. It disappeared with the thoughtful efficiency of a calculating beast. When she'd finished the last of her tea the bottle echoed like a gavel beating the table. She wiped her mouth on a napkin and met Niijima's stare; the girl startled into silence. Niijima sweated at the resolution stabbing her, igniting her awe.
"Yes. It's not quite as thought out as you've got it. If I were to choose something…well its an old habit, maybe not even the best one. But it'd be something that lets me help others. There's been a recent career shift I'm considering. Thinking like this will probably make up my mind if I let it."
The feeling returned as she lay in bed staring into space on her side. Her distant eyes recounted and shuffled around new information from a thorough internet search. Real estate classes were a college option and a sure path. If she remembered right, a course or two might be tucked away in the Business department at school. Acting quickly within the upcoming class adjustment period, a few words could persuade the registrar to bump her from Undeclared.
Sighing she closed her eyes, conjuring several proposal lines; combing each for an appropriate tone. With care she mouthed to the middle of one before hearing the door open and shut. She sat up and hunched over, thinking, saving for later. She hadn't moved to stand for a second when Eli dragged herself into the doorway. They smiled weakly at each other. Nozomi stalled the apprehension scaling her throat by setting Eli's bag aside. When she removed her coat, her face scrunched seeing light bags under Eli's eyes.
"Class ran later than usual again, sorry. At least the trains weren't so bad."
"Did you study?"
"Yeah. Maybe I can get some more time in-"
She startled slightly feeling Nozomi put a finger against her lips.
"Tonight let's do something. We don't have to go out. When was the last time it felt like only the two of us?"
"Nozomi…did something happen?"
Eli let herself be embraced for a response. The puzzled confusion of a child processing something new took hold of her. Softly Nozomi squeezed and pressed their foreheads together. Leaning forward, she kissed the tip of Eli's nose. A smile spread watching her blush.
"Better now?"
"Yes."
"Good. You're pushing yourself too much. Let's order from that good place and watch TV till we sleep. There's a show I spotted the other day. I think you'll like it."
Eli's eyes lit up.
"Is it that detective drama ad I pass by on the train?"
"The very same." Nozomi said, smiling.
Eli bounced on her heels and pulled Nozomi's hand, whisking her into the living room. A fleeting trace of her worries touched her in passing. Thoughtfully she left them for another day.
She bowed and wished a customer's back farewell, calling next. A woman carrying a leather purse slung on her shoulder approached with a chatting friend in tow. Their presence announced itself at the counter by a trail of expensive perfume wafting over the permanent stench of coffee. The rapid pace of their conversation breaking to place orders followed in a familiar manner as Nozomi prepared her customer service smile. She moved into the motions of making a Caffe Americano and a simple Espresso. Her hand took the half empty pot off the machine to add more. She remained close enough by the customers for their winding gossip to reach her professionally tuned out ears.
"So you went back the other day?"
"Yeah, its super cheap and the food is cute. Its great on lunch breaks and sometimes when I'm off. The service ain't half bad either, they'll practically roll around like dogs if you ask." said the voice of the woman with the purse.
"I wonder what those maid outfits look like roughed up."
"You're just a weird one, that beats part of what makes a maid a maid."
"Duh that's the point. Don't you want to see them all messed up being naughty sometimes?"
Nozomi's eyes widened as she lowered her head, slowing in her task. Against her restraint she listened as her ears blushed in anger. The pounding of her heart began to pulsate up her throat, grinding what little calm she possessed under its heel. Unaware, the women carried on. First came the woman with the purse again.
"There's this one I really love to see though, a genuine blonde. I don't know how they snagged her but she's beautiful. She's a real reason to go back…especially the way she freezes if you feel how soft she is-"
Nozomi stopped in place, her knuckles going white on the pot's grip until pain faintly registered. Her lip quivered and her eyes bulged screaming a primal urge to kill, devoid of hesitation. Her muscles locked coiled back with a mounting fury that threatened to spring. She at last felt her gums strain from instinctively gritting her teeth. Breathing deeply the sounds of reality returned and in a calculating mind she composed her expression. Her grip remained hard and she noted in clear sight how the pot's glass had condensed enough to appear clammy with sweat. The heat radiating off it wafted hotter than what she imagined of Hell.
A cold precision possessed her fluid stride as she edged herself closer to them. She raised her hand, the lid had remained beside the coffee maker. A small voice of consciousness spoke of consequences, reason, control. Riding a wave of selfishness she snuffed it out. She'd made it close enough when a force shoved her forward. In seconds all too brief she turned her head to find a coworker had tripped, toppled on the ground by her feet. A tray of orders lay smashed apart trickling along the floor tiles. Her hand had pitched forward.
The bloodcurdling scream made her heart jump in her chest. The hair on her nape stood stiff, the rage melting and its place trickled in a dawning primal horror. She tore her eyes away from her scrambling coworker, Izumi she remembered. In an instant her breath caught in her throat. Each inch of skin had peeled and blanched resembling a patchwork of jagged, layered, glossy flesh. It blended into a mass of drooping pinks and angry reds. Where cheeks and eyelids had been, jagged patches of white seared them shut. Fat blisters rose in scattered clumps. It gave the combined effect of a pockmarked, vulture pecked corpse.
The purse had thudded to the floor as the woman slapped her cheeks with the urgency of a thrashing animal. Its contents spilled freely. She bent over before collapsing on her knees, shrieking.
"My face, I can't feel my face!"
Independent cries of terror sprang from the surrounding bystanders. Nozomi watched frozen and slack jawed; the manager emerged rushing beside the woman, shouting words that upon hitting Nozomi's ears registered the same as aliens attempting to speak from outer space. The feel of Izumi nudging past her joined a flurry of human outlines out of focus. Unreality coaxed away her senses, a conductor's hand plucking the traces of her rationale into a bundle, buried beneath a numbness.
She shut the door behind her, the sound dissipating though the numb shielding her. Her steps lacked presence, wandering through the lit hallway; her eyes glazed. The muffled sounds leaking in from beyond the apartment walls fell dead against her conscious. Her right hand still throbbed, twitching at the memory of signing a resignation letter. Of their own accord her feet had traced the trail into the kitchen.
Eli appeared from the shadows beyond the corner of her eyes. She felt the hug become a sensation against her. It had been the first in hours.
"I'm sorry, were you studying in the bedroom instead?"
"That doesn't matter now I'm just glad you're home."
She touched one of Eli's arms locked across her stomach.
"You're too nice for me, Elicchi." She said leaning into Eli herself.
"I was angry at what you thought of doing, not why. For the why I couldn't love you more."
"I guess I got lucky it wasn't my fault for real in the end."
"Do you really feel that, the same luck you had in high school?"
Nozomi stared straight ahead.
"I don't know."
A pause.
"Well what are you going to do after this?"
Nozomi separated and stuck her hand in an inner pocket of her coat. She watched Eli's face as she unfolded the realtor ad. The shift from worry into surprise by the slightest lightening of tension on Eli's face stole Nozomi's breath. It's beauty served her a swelling feeling in her chest, followed by guilt. Uncertainty that had hung waiting in the air sunk down at last. She'd lost an income, she'd cast paying for rent on Eli. Even if it were only an interval till the next job, neither could know what waited-
She hadn't realized Eli finished reading the paper. The glaze fled from her eyes. She stood up straighter, as if she'd been scolded. Eli crinkling the paper in her hands was the first sound besides their voices that flooded back into Nozomi's ears. Others followed, until at last she was again aware of breathing.
"Do you think it could work?" A question that flashed a spotlight in Nozomi's face with its weight.
"Its got the potential for more money than we could ever see where we are now. It'd probably be a pain to learn, and the customers might be worse than they were. It'd mean I'd finally have to take school head on. We might see each other less. But, its a future. Its my future if I want it to be, and I don't see another option."
Eli crossed her arms, slightly narrowed her expression.
"Nozomi, don't pick something just because its there. We're already doing that because we have to. You've seen where its put us."
"I know. If I don't take a risk by that same measure, then what else is there to do?"
They looked at one another in silence. As though trying to communicate their thoughts without words their eyes met. Nozomi refused to break. Eli turned away first and set the paper on the kitchen table. She pulled out a chair and sat cloaked within herself. Her eyes grew unfocused staring at nothing in particular. Close behind Nozomi slipped off her coat and folded it atop the chair at Eli's side. For an instant she watched Eli carefully. Slowly she slid into the seat, appearing in Eli's view.
With a small smile she pat Eli's hair after a moment. Again their eyes met. Nothing was said when Eli took Nozomi's free hand. Perhaps nothing needed to be. Finally they laughed breaking the quiet. It was a laugh for laughter's sake, awkward in the way that something is when out of practice. Eli spoke in the soft way Nozomi hadn't heard in far too long. The sound caught her off guard, then entranced in the way only Eli could.
"If that's how you feel then I'll support you. No matter where it ends up unless it puts you in danger-whoa!"
She nearly tipped the chair when Nozomi rushed to embrace her. They sat as one pile, feeling the other's heartbeat.
"I might not listen even then, you know. But for you I'll always try."
"That's just what I'd expect from you."
"Because, Elicchi is always there for me."
Tears threatened to spill from Eli's eyes, and she buried them in Nozomi's hair, kissing the top of her head.
"Come on, I'll make you dinner."
"But isn't today my turn-"
"You've been through enough for one day."
Nozomi shook her head, swiping stray hair behind Eli's ear.
"Silly Elicchi. If you're judging by that then we should do it together."
They untangled themselves and got up toward the counter. The apartment became filled with laughter. The sounds of laughter and excited talking echoed past the walls and into the night.