His lungs burned with the sudden, desperate need for air, as he coughed repeatedly. The heavy, repetitive motion aggravated his side, and the sharp, stabbing pain quickly brought the world back into focus as he blinked open weary, tired gray eyes. The crack across one lense disoriented him after a moment, forcing him to squeeze his lids tightly shut against the refracting light, as he felt his entire body convulse uncontrollably with another series of coughs.
Where am I…? Is this… the onsen…?
No.
That… that was not…
Where…?
"Ka… ome," he wheezed, instinctively stretching out one hand across the cold, unforgiving ground to blindly search for the missing young woman. A gasp of pain from the movement quickly had the hand retreating, fingers pressing lightly against the battered, aching flesh that flared in protest to the gentle probing. "Ah," ...a broken rib most likely, he assessed, his teeth clenching together when the soft sound hissed between them.
Why… why would he have…?
Cracking open one eye only sharpened the resonating headache beginning to form behind his lids, and he slowly rolled his head to one side in an attempt to block out the harsh light. His tongue scraping across chapped, dry lips, he softly murmured, "Ka… gome," and promptly fell into another coughing fit that further irritated his throat.
Where was she, though…? Where…?
She should have…
They should have been… the car...
Where…?
"Kyoya."
Dilated, quivering orbs snapped open at the call of his own name, the rapidly spinning and disoriented world narrowing down to the singular view of scuffed, dirty shoes appearing in his line of sight. Blinking repeatedly, he attempted to make out the rest of her hazy, highlighted outline as the beaming sunlight illuminated her until she took a step forward and cast a welcoming shadow across his face that dulled the pounding headache.
God, she was so beautiful, but why…?
She's… gray…?
"Kago… me." He choked on the sound of his own coughing, fingers pressing instinctively against the ache in his side and forcing another hiss from his lips when the pain only worsened. He would have laughed at the way she suddenly fell to her knees with the noise if he could have, fretting over him immediately with softly glowing hands.
Why are her…?
Those sure, glowing fingers gently caressed the nape of his neck, pillowing his head against her lap, and he released a quiet, grateful sigh when the pounding headache quickly began to recede. His entire body sagged with relief at the feel of her brushing aside his bangs out of habit, as the stabbing pain in his side became little more than a dull, forgotten ache with each passing touch. His eyes slipping closed, he tilted his head further into the warm embrace of her gentle hands and allowed a peaceful huff to escape him when he felt like he could breathe again.
I love you so much.
Quietly, basking in her calm, reassuring presence, he confessed his heart's desire. "Stay with me."
…marry me, please.
Wet, hot droplets landed heavily on his temple, his cheek, and he blinked at the feel of them quickly carving a scorching path across his face. Turning his creased brow in her direction, he felt his heart clench unexpectedly at the sight of her shimmering blue eyes filled with tears and those tiny droplets spilling forth with every flutter of her lashes. Catching her fingers before she had the chance to cover her mouth, he pressed the warm digits against the side of his face and felt his mouth open several times in his confusion. "Kagome?"
Was she…?
No, surely not. She loved him. Why would she… say no?
"I'm sorry," she choked.
His pupils shrinking with the soft apology, he felt the sudden need to laugh uncontrollably as moisture gathered along the edge of his eyes.
She… she…
"I'm so sorry, Kyoya." She shook her head, a curtain of raven colored locks shifting and hiding her faintly phosphorescent gaze from his view. Her shoulders shook in her grief and despair, as she said, "I'm so sorry I couldn't save him."
"...what?"
She was not… of course, she loved him.
But who…?
"I'm so sorry."
A cascade of tiny droplets fell into his hair, along his temple, as he slowly shifted himself to brush aside the tumbling waves of hair blocking him from her sudden anguish. His heart twisting with the need to comfort her, he wiped his thumb along the tracks painted across the canvas of her ash covered cheek.
She smelled like smoke.
...like fire.
He felt his breath hitch.
They… they had…
The helicopter…
The crash.
Hotta.
The world tilted uncomfortably then, his stomach twisting, as his mind slowly caught up with the rest of his aching body. His trembling fingers pressed tight against his mouth when the first heave rushed through him, the second almost overwhelming, as flashes of caving, contorted metal rushed in at him from all sides. He barely managed to turn away, flopping rather unceremoniously in a sudden, desperate scramble for space, before he proceeded to lose what was left of his lunch.
"Hey."
His stomach lurched forward in response to the coughing fit that followed, his body attempting to rid itself of the revolting taste left behind in his mouth. Kyoya groaned low in his throat, the whole world continuing to spin uncontrollably, as he felt Kagome's soft, reassuring touch draw him away from the mess. The erratic beat of his heart evened out with each brush of her fingers, her warm embrace wrapping tight around his shoulders as her cheek settled against his temple, but the faint trembling of his limbs refused to subside when his gaze narrowed in upon the shadowed treeline surrounding them.
They were… they had almost...
"It's okay. It's okay."
But… but...
He nearly choked on the sound, as he whispered, "Hotta."
"I'm so sorry, Kyoya."
A curtain of black shifted to block the world from his sight with a simple shake of her head, and he felt the first few lines of moisture streak over the swell of his cheek when she began to gently rock him. Choking in a sob only made the trembling worse, even as he managed to snake one arm around her back to pull her as close as humanly possible in an attempt to ground himself. The heavy scent of fire and ash filled his nose when he buried his face into the crook of her neck, and he could not stop the torrent of heavy droplets that fell with the very real possibility that he could have lost her, too.
They both could be…
"I love you," he whispered. His other hand found purchase in her dirty shorts, and he sucked in an unexpected laugh when he remembered how she had argued adamantly with him this morning about the fundamentals of a good pair of shorts when she had found him wearing pants. He shook his head at the stupid little thought, feeling like he was going crazy, and silently told himself that he probably was. Considering the image of her softly glowing against a fire lit backdrop that his mind conquered forth when she pulled his head away to smile warmly down at him through her own tears, he was almost certain of it.
Her lips pressed against his temple, her nose nudging aside his bangs, and she pushed up his cracked glasses ever so slightly when she laid a reassuring hand on his cheek. "I love you, too, Kyoya," she breathed, peppering a round of kisses across the edge of his glasses and down his cheek. Her voice cracked a little, the unending flow of tears only seemingly getting worse at the sight of him broken and crying within her embrace, as she said, "I love you so much."
The Ootori boy turned his head then, his breath coming a little easier, and he almost found it too easy to laugh at the mistake he had almost made earlier in his confusion. Knowing that she no doubt thought he was going absolutely bonkers at the tiny sound, he leaned forward with the clear intention to drive away the thought and reassure himself that this was not a dream.
She was alive.
Both of them were alive.
Kagome pulled away almost immediately, making a face that bordered on disgusted.
"Kagome?" he asked quietly, leaning back in, as his brow creased downward in confusion.
"Ew." She laughed through her tears then, shaking her head at him, as she started to try and wipe away the sea of moisture that had cut through the layer of gray covering her cheek. The laughter quickly died away, though, even as she allowed a small, tired smile to settle heavily onto her lip. "No, sorry. Please don't. You just, well, you probably taste like…"
Vomit.
"Ah, of course."
"Sorry."
Pushing at the edge of his glasses to readjust them higher up onto his nose, Kyoya only shook his head and decided quietly that he might actually be going crazy. He wiped furiously at his eyes then, sniffling a little, and finally felt like some semblance of himself despite the faint tremble that still shook his fingertips. "How long was I unconscious for?" he asked, keeping his eyes low to the ground with the knowledge that somewhere nearby was whatever was left of what might have been their demise. Just like it had been for… for Hotta. His head bowed lower with the thought of his trusted bodyguard, and he had to bite his lip when it brought back the quaking in his limbs.
"A while. I'm not really sure," Kagome replied softly. Her fingers wrapped tight around his neck, pulling him close once more when she felt his hand begin to shake uncontrollably again. He latched onto her like a lifeline with the shift, his body shivering as he tried to keep it in, and she felt a new wave of tears drip onto the crown of his head at how much he was hurting. "I was trying to, well," she tightened her grip, trying to keep him steady, "I wasn't really sure if you'd want to… to say goodbye. Hotta-san was… He meant a lot to both of us."
His heart felt like it was in his throat, as he tried to ask, "Do… do you think he…"
...suffered?
"No." She rubbed her cheek against him when she shook her head lightly, trying to keep her voice even with conviction as she spoke. "No, I don't think he did."
A few more stray droplets leaked from the corner of his eye, as he whispered, "That's good. He… he didn't deserve…" Kyoya grit his teeth, unable to finish the sentence in its entirety, as he felt the raw, harrowed desire to pound his fist against the ground until his knuckles were bleeding swell up within his chest. It was all his fault, after all. They should have taken the goddamn car. If he had just put aside his aspirations and given into Kagome's insecurity, favoring her plea for the familiarity of four wheels turning beneath them, then this never would have happened.
Hotta would still be alive, and they would still be well on their way to Niigata.
"I know. I know." Kagome sighed lightly, already knowing where his mind had wandered from the way he fisted his hand and drew away from her slightly. She pressed her fingers against his cheek, gently drawing his muddled gray gaze back up, before brushing aside several strands of hair that had fallen into his eyes. "It's not your fault, Kyoya. It's not, okay? Nobody…" She shut her eyes tightly, trying to shake away the remaining tears with a tilt of her head, as her lip became a thin, downward curl at the thought. "Nobody could have known."
...but she should have.
He shook his head, his gaze returning to the ground below.
Guilt swept through her with the withdrawal, as she finally lifted her dark colored eyes toward the surrounding forest. The faint, lingering feel of youki still pressed against her senses, but she knew that the demon was long gone. She would have already purified it to hell and back if it had not retreated already, and her gaze hardened with the knowledge that she would need to stay vigilant for when it finally circled back.
It may have fooled her once, but she would be damned if it did so again.
Kagome tightened her grip around Kyoya then, blinking away the last of the tears finally, as she glared heatedly into the tranquil, darkened wood. The sound of birds chirping filled the silence, a tree creaking somewhere in the distance with the gentle breeze, and she felt a deep seated foreboding settle in the pit of her stomach. The sense that they were most likely being watched was a familiar threat that she had long ago become accustomed to, but the vulnerability she felt knowing that Kyoya was an easy target was entirely new.
While rather sensitive to her own spiritual power, she knew that the Ootori boy was not aware of how he soaked up the energy like a sponge every time she brushed away a wayward headache. Like a bright beacon of light within the shadows he so liked to tread, she had suspected for some time that he may have been a monk in a past life. The resounding purity in his soul echoed a familiar tune, and perhaps that song had been cultivated and trained until it simply became a part of him that he had carried on to his next life.
Sensitivity, though, meant very little when it came to claws and teeth. In the past, demons had had no remorse snuffing out a holy light before it had the chance to become a threat. If it meant one less person with the potential for spiritual awareness, there had often been no hesitation. She had seen her fair share of young, untrained souls who had never found proper guidance, and had lost that bright eyed stare yearning for so much more as the life drained from them.
She would not lose Kyoya, though.
She would be damned if it so much as laid a finger on him.
One person was enough already.
"We should… we should pay our respects."
Meeting Kyoya's muddled gray eyes once he lifted his gaze, Kagome felt her heart twist at the thought even as she gave him a small, soothing smile in the hopes of bolstering the determination reflected in his stare. The quiet, respectable bodyguard had been a good man, having been a constant shadow since Kyoya was only a boy, and she knew that he was going to need every ounce of strength she could possibly offer when he finally saw… when he saw…
There was no preparing anyone for the wreckage that awaited.
When I find you, I'm going to make you regret this. Her dark colored eyes drifted back to the surrounding forest with the silent vow, as she ground her teeth and helped Kyoya back onto his feet slowly. His face set into a series of hard, determined lines in an effort to hide behind an indifference mask, his hand wiping away the few trailing lines of moisture that remained, she felt the flickering anger in her chest blossom into a raging inferno. For what you did to Hotta-san. To us. You're going to wish you never met me. That's a promise.
Watching him closely, she quickly took his trembling hand when it became apparent that his feet refused to move once they were back underneath him. Quietly offering him her support, Kagome leaned her forehead against his dirty jacket and felt his other hand drift into her hair to keep her there. "I'm right here."
Attempting to swallow the lump in his throat, Kyoya replied, "I know."
"I'll always be right here." Rubbing her forehead against him lightly, she said, "I love you."
"You still won't kiss me, though, will you?" The Ootori boy honestly could not tell whether he wanted to actually know or if he was simply trying to stall an extra moment before he faced the truth. He suspected it was the latter, despite the broken chuckle that escaped him when she focused those lovely orbs on him and wrinkled her nose at the suggestion. "Is that a no?"
"Until you rinse your mouth out, yeah, it's definitely a no, Kyoya," she retorted.
"It was worth a try."
"Sure."
Reaching up to adjust his cracked glasses out of habit, Kyoya sighed as he forced his head to turn slightly in the opposite direction. Stalling was not going to change the fact that Hotta… that he had… His eyes firmly set on the ground, he briefly noted the flattened grass where Kagome had obviously dragged him across the ground. His heart immediately sputtered at the sight of that patch of damaged greenery, and he clenched his teeth as he tried to mentally prepare himself for what might lay beyond it. He suspected blood and mayhem, but the fact that they had made it out alive tempered the image until all he could think about was Hotta… going through the windshield.
No.
They had probably hit a tree that had slowed their descent, and then Hotta hit his head on the…
"Damn it." Kyoya clenched his free hand, feeling the sudden, overwhelming need to pound his fist against something hard and solid swell up inside him again. A tree, maybe. This should not have happened. They should be safe and sound in Niigata. Hotta should be alive. Another wayward tear fell from the corner of his eye, and he felt the cracks in his mask forming when Kagome's warm embrace wrapped around his waist. "Damn it all."
"It's okay if it's too soon," she told him softly. She certainly would not fault him for needing a moment to mourn first, though she would prefer if they had better coverage and positioning for when the time came.
He needed to know, though.
"It's okay."
"No."
"Kyoya…"
The quiet, bubbling rage fueling him, the Ootori boy forcibly swept his gaze up and felt his heart come to an abrupt halt. He sucked in a desperate, shuddering sound at the sight, feeling the color drain from his face at the twisted carnage of metal. Wrapped brutally around a massive tree, the cockpit completely smashed and the tail boom laying awkwardly to one side, it looked as if the cabin had ballooned from the inside. As if…
A brilliant blue light… she… she was…
No.
That was not possible.
They should be...
"How… how… did we…?"
Kagome felt her brow crease downward in that moment, as she watched the conflicting emotions filter across his face. Had she bumped his head when she moved him? Maybe he was still confused from the initial pain he had awoken to, but surely he knew her secret now. Unless... he thought he had imagined it? A frown formed on her lips with the thought, as she finally asked, "Do… do you not remember?"
"Remember?" Kyoya turned his wide, startled gaze in her direction. It's not possible, he told himself as he looked at her. It's not possible. People don't glow. Kagome didn't magically save us.
But, a broken rib… Sure, glowing fingers...
No.
No.
He was just… he was confused.
The crash, the trauma, and… and Hotta...
"Hey." Managing to keep him on his feet when he swayed, Kagome placed a hand on his cheek the moment it looked like he was about to start hyperventilating. His dilated pupils quivered back at her, and she tapped him a few times to shake him from the sudden shock. "We're alive, okay. That's all that matters. We're alive, Kyoya."
"We're alive," he echoed back faintly. "But, you... people don't…"
Definitely thinks he imagined it, she quietly sighed to herself. She could not say she blamed him, honestly, considering she might have thought the same thing if the roles were reversed. Only one of them had had the pleasure of transversing time and space itself in order to put back together a broken jewel, after all, and it was not like she had a booklet on how to properly introduce your boyfriend to the supernatural lying around. What a mess...
His eyes drifting back to the wreckage in the sudden silence, he felt his stomach do another nasty flip. Covering his mouth almost immediately when the rolling sensation traveled up his chest and into his throat, he took a step away from her and stumbled a little. One hand braced on his knee, he shuddered and groaned when the heave resulted in little more than a foul tasting cough. "I-I think I need to sit down again."
"Okay, okay. Let's sit down over here." Tucking herself up under his arm to help support his weight, Kagome tilted her head in the direction she wanted to go. She shifted her feet when he swayed a little more, firmly planting herself before they both toppled over, and continued to gently coax him away from the chaos. "There's a, uh, really nice tree we can lean against, and… and, well…"
Almost laughing at the thought of a really nice tree, Kyoya shook his head and lifted his gaze in that direction. He saw it then, the unmistakable little pile of stones. Arranged in a neat, circular fashion, it was undoubtedly a makeshift grave marker that she had placed a collection of wild flowers neatly in the center of. The tiny piece of reality settled like a rock in the pit of his upset stomach, and he felt his ears burn slightly when Kagome caught him from tripping over his own two feet. "Hotta."
"I couldn't… I… he's just…" Trying to fight the new onslaught of tears threatening to fall, Kagome quickly shook away the one awful memory she knew she would carry with her for the rest of her life at the sight of the little wildflowers swaying with the gentle breeze. That horrifyingly sickening crunch was the one thing she was grateful Kyoya had fallen unconscious for at the time, if nothing else.
"I-it's okay." Kyoya tightened his arm around her when the first droplet fell from the corner of her eye, and hoped desperately that she knew he understood without her having to say it. There was no way to get him out. That was obvious just from the… from how it looked, and he felt his stomach lurch with the very real possibility that she had contemplated trying while he was unconscious. It was reckless, irresponsible, he could go on, but he supposed it was better than being useless and half dead given the circumstances. "I think he'd like it."
"I hope so. I really hope so."
"I like it," he told her softly. It was small and slightly tilted, but it was entirely her. He was certain that Hotta would have appreciated the thoughtful gesture, maybe even loved it, considering he had never known the man to desire overly frivolous things in life. "My father will probably have a memorial put up in his honor later, but I think Hotta would have liked this more."
Unlike a large, cold slab of marble, the tiny circle of stones held life.
They held meaning.
Helping him slowly sink to the ground next to the little grave marker, Kagome wiped furiously at her eyes until she was positive that the moisture had finally been vanquished. She had cried enough already, and it was not going to help either of them if she could not remain strong and absolute against the danger lurking somewhere in the dark. Hotta was sadly gone, but Kyoya was still very much alive. Disoriented, confused and apparently in utter disbelief to everything he had seen, the very sight of him bowing his head silently toward the makeshift grave sent a new rush of white hot fury through her veins to overpower the sorrow.
I'll make you pay for this, she vowed, before patting away a few feet silently to pick up the rest of the forgotten wildflowers she had left scattered nearby. The tiny blossoms clutched tightly between her fingers, she knelt quietly beside the Ootori boy as he muttered a soft, broken prayer over the stones. Her fingers brushed slightly against his dirty jacket when she was certain he was finished, catching his attention, and she offered him the bundle of wildflowers with what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm sorry that we can't do more."
Kyoya shook his head, saying, "This is more than enough given… the circumstances."
No.
It was never enough.
Her head bowed in the silence that followed, and she sucked in a shuddering breath as she quietly remembered all the graves she had helped dig time and again five hundred years ago. All the forgotten faces she had buried with Sango. All the unknown names she had been quietly despaired to have never learned with Miroku standing diligently by her side. All the searching she had done through each ransacked village alongside Inuyasha and Shippo in the hopes that someone was still alive.
She had failed so many people by shattering that blasted jewel, and now…
"Kagome."
She was just failing Kyoya, too.
By not being able to save Hotta, she had just… she had...
"Hey." His fingers wrapped tight around her clenched knuckles at the first sign of her shoulders beginning to shake silently, as Kyoya turned his attention away from the tiny makeshift grave marker. Thoroughly stomping all over the way his stomach protested the movement, he pulled her easily into the cradle of his arms, and felt his heart drop at the sound of her quietly sobbing. Softly, his own remaining tears beginning to fall into her ash covered hair, he told her, "It's enough, Kagome. It's enough."
"I'm sorry," she cried. "I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault," Kyoya muttered, rocking her like she had done for him before.
Except it was.
She should have been able to save him.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
You're going to have to forgive them, they're having a bit of a moment right now.
I got lost and confused myself a couple times thanks to Kyoya. You can blame him for this chapter not coming out two days ago like I originally planned.
Please review!