I get to the office and see that nobody's there. Okay, what the hell is going on? There's always a commotion here, especially at this hour. "Hey, Rizzoli, what are you still doing here? Hurry up, everyone's already in the conference room!" "What?! Why?!" I answer to Morrison, one of the few colleagues I've bonded with since my arrival here at Quantico...maybe because he reminds me of Barry, but he's nice and the only male who doesn't mind having competition from a woman. Maschilists! "Didn't you read the e-mail? We have a seminar on some serial killers for the risk of new copycats.." "Oh interesting..." I say distractedly. Whenever they talk about serial killers, my mind goes back to Hoyt and I feel a certain pain in the scars on my hands.

"Who will be the speaker?" I'll ask him as we're entering the room. I don't even hear his answer when I turn around and... I can't believe it. You have your back turned while you're talking to Gabriel...but I'm sure it's you. I cross my eyes at him, making an expression like, "why the hell didn't you tell me?"

He pretends nothing and lets you finish preparing the presentation. You don't cross my eyes until you start your exposure, and when you do, you look at me for a split second. We have barely heard from each other since I left Boston: yes we called each other a few times, we exchanged a couple of emails, but our conversations were more and more empty, almost proforma...and I know that the cause of all this is me. Or rather what I said, but mostly done, the night before my departure.

I asked you to stop by me after the party at the Dirty Robber. I wanted to have a moment alone to say goodbye. You've accepted willingly, and I'm very happy about that. Tomorrow morning I will have to leave early, to avoid the traffic and get to the base in time to be able to settle in what will be my new home. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get back to Boston... the first few months will be very intense, I know, but I'm so excited about this new assignment. The only thing that destroys me is that leaving Boston means leaving you. Accept that to celebrate I choose to offer you a bottle of beer, which I take out fresh from the fridge, now completely empty ... in fact it is not that it was usually particularly well stocked! I sit on the couch with you and we toast to the new lives we're living... I'm at Quantico and you're in Paris to write your book... I feel I can't leave without telling you what's been wearing me down for a long time, but words don't seem to be able to get out of my mouth. I swallow a big sip of beer, and then my fingers start venting on the unfortunate bottle label.

"A penny for your thoughts," you tell me, realizing right away there's something I can't get out. I decide to take courage. From tomorrow there will be miles to separate us, I don't know when I'll see you again and I'm afraid the regret of not telling you anything will slowly tear me apart.

"Maura... there's something I need to tell you..." I say quietly, my tone becomes uncertain, and I'm struggling to find the courage, the right words. Your eyes look at me, serene, beautiful... and the more I look at them the more my heart speeds up its rhythm. In a moment, these doubts stop screaming in my head, and all I hear is a silence punctuated by the drum in my chest. I don't even realize how, I come to my senses and my lips are on yours.

Of the following moments, only confused memories, flashes like snapshots: you finding reasons for my gesture, which are not the ones that pushed me to kiss you; you telling me not to worry, that this will not affect our friendship; me asking you to give me a reason to stay, and you telling me that my place is at Quantico, but that despite the distance you will always be there for me, calling me "your best friend".

"Rizzoli...Rizzoli! Hey, Dr. Isles is talking to you!" I hear Gabriel calling me, and in a moment, I'm awake from my thoughts. You want me to step in, when you talk about Charles Hoyt, to give my colleagues more details about the case that led to his arrest. Fortunately you didn't ask me to talk about everything that happened afterwards because of that psychopath. About the scar he left you: it's not very evident, fortunately, but I remember very well that day, when you were about to get hurt... when I realized that you were more than just a friend to me. As I speak, I hold my hands, gently massaging the scars, which at the mere mention of that man's name burn again.

The meeting's over, but I don't realize it until Morrison elbows me on my hip, waking me up from my thoughts. I'm getting brave and I'm coming to say goodbye, even though I wonder why you didn't tell me you were coming here to the base.

"Hello, Jane..." you greet me, pretending nothing's wrong.

"Hey, Maura. What are you doing around here?" I'm telling you, trying to investigate. "Well, the FBI asked me to speak at this meeting. Didn't you read my e-mail?"

"What e-mail are you talking about, Maura?" I answer you, falling from the clouds.

"It doesn't matter... you look good, Jane. Are you settling in okay?" you ask me on the way out. I'll tell you a little bit about the move, the start of my new job, you know, my new life. "How long are you staying?"

"My flight is early tomorrow afternoon. Would you like to have dinner?" you propose.

"Sure... so you tell me about your month in Paris and the book," I reply, enthusiastic about your idea, but even more so about the emphasis with which you proposed it to me. I'll join you in the house they gave you. It's a very nice house not so far from the base. They often use it for visitors here at Quantico.

'Close but not too close' is what we say about the collaborators we call for external consulting. You're at the stove, while I look around, dying of envy. Even an accommodation they assign you for a pair of days is better than my current home... it's not fair.

We have dinner while you tell me your book is almost finished. Paris inspired you so much, you felt at home, but you felt the need to go back to Boston for the conclusion.

"Dinner was delicious, Maura. You've always been a great cook, but staying in France has improved your skills even more!" I praise you, smiling at you. How much I missed our nights together... how much I missed you.

"Now I have to go... thank you for everything," I tell you, taking my jacket, which I had leaned against the chair, and heading for the door. "Actually, Jane, I was hoping we could talk..." "Well, but we talked..." I'll answer you, with a face that perfectly reflects my confusion about your request.

"I meant to talk about that night before you left." Damn it, Jane, you're in trouble.

"Ah...you were referring to...that" I'm jerking back, worried about what you're gonna tell me.

"Of course I was referring to... that, Jane! You kissed me... but most of all you asked me to give you a reason to stay" you tell me. I can't tell from your tone if you're more upset about what I did or not telling you why I did it.

"Why?" you ask me. Your question is curt. And he asks me for an equally curt answer. You're not giving me time. You get close to me. And your look becomes hesitant, betrays your insecurity.

"You know, Jane... I thought I had removed that night. I tried, I really did... but coming back to Boston, I don't know, it take that memory back to me. And I felt the need to talk about it, to clarify," you continue, and I can't understand what are you driving at... but I get one thing: you're hesitant, and you never are, which makes me think you're about to spit it out, and it's about something so big.

"You asked me to give you a reason to stay ..." "Yes, Maura, you said that ..." I don't have time to finish that sentence when I realize why that last word stuck in my throat. Your lips are on mine. It takes me a moment to realize it, but as soon as I do, I'll kiss you back. It seems to me that it lasts too little, you tear yourself away from me, holding me apart with your arms, as if I was the one who sought that contact... but this time it is not so.

"Jane, I couldn't tell you to stay, because I know how much you love your job and this new opportunity here at Quantico. And because I was confused... your gesture arrived unexpectedly, like a thunderbolt in the clear sky!

"Maura, okay, it was stupid. I regret it. Can we please just pretend like nothing happened?" "No" you answer me firmly.

"Why?" I ask you, looking for explanations for your answer.

"Because I kissed you and you kissed me back."

"Okay, I didn't catch the thing. You wanna tell me what the hell is going on?"

"I kissed you, Jane."

"Yes, Maura, I'm slightly aware of that," I reply, increasingly confused as to where you're leading the conversation.

"I'm telling you that I kissed you... after that kiss, the night before you left, all I had in my mind for days was that memory of us. We meet again after more than a month and the only thing I could think about all night was being able to feel that contact with your lips again. And it destabilized me just as it did that night." I'm sick and tired of you going around it, so I take the situation in hand and pull you slightly to me, passing my hand on your back, and kiss you again. It doesn't take you long to kiss me back, and our tongues begin to dance together.

"Jane, I..." You're trying to tell me something, but your sentence is breaking, not because of me. With the tip of your nose you caress my face, almost as if you were measure the distance between us, your eyes ajar, and then regain that contact between our mouths. You melt in my arms, it seems that you are now convinced that you are right, that you are making the most natural choice, not holding back your desire. Your hands grab my face and I understand you're sure of what you're doing. I don't think I can find words to say how much I've been waiting for this moment... I honestly thought it would never come. Slowly with my body I push you towards the wall, creating more contact between us. I'm just gonna take off for a second, to tell you something I'm afraid I'm gonna regret.

"Maura, you know you can stop me anytime, right?" I'm telling you softly. Your friendship is too important to risk ruining it. I can put my feelings for you aside, maybe, but I can't lose you. You gently caress my arms, on the skin left uncovered by the shirt, whose sleeves as usual I rolled up to elbow height. Then you stare me in the eyes, and you lose yourself in them, before you kiss me again, with even more passion than before.

Your hands start to unbutton my shirt, starting from the bottom: your touch is firm, even if it betrays a certain impatience. As soon as you finish with the last button, I can feel my heart beating so fast that I'm seriously afraid it's going to burst. Your hands slide the shirt down my shoulders, down to my arms. With one decisive motion, I'll get rid of that, throw it to the ground, without worrying much about where it might end up. You seem enchanted by the sight of my body as you slide your hands over my defined abs. If there's one thing I don't miss here, it's the time to keep in perfect shape, and right now I'm really grateful. I don't think I'll be able to resist you much longer... I start to take off your blouse, which you had tucked under your skirt, and my hands slip under it, enjoying finally being able to touch your skin. I can hear you sighing in my ear, and this sound so light blaze me up, so I come back to kiss you. By now my lips have become stronger, safer. I can't believe this is happening. I'll caress your back, until with one hand I reach the hook of your bra, which I cleverly release. The opportunity was too inviting to miss it and with the other hand I take advantage of this moment to touch your breast... your already swollen nipple makes me understand that you too have been waiting for this moment.

My mouth goes down on your neck, leaving a trail of kisses on either side and your hand slips into my hair, as if to ask me for more. Blinded by this thought, I leave a mark of my passage on the fair skin of your neck. I'm afraid it will be visible, but the way I hear you moaning while I'm doing it, I think that's exactly what you were asking for. I gently pull off your blouse and I turn around, without leave your body alone, to try to throw it on the couch, succeeding. As soon as I turn back, I see an image that I'll have a hard time forgetting. You're slowly taking your bra off and with every inch of skin you discover my breath gets more fatiguing. Not tired of seeing me like this, you start unbuckling my belt and unbuttoning my pants, without taking your eyes off mine for a second. Your pupils are dilated and your breath is growing more every second. I wonder how you're so sexy, Maura Isles. When you unbutton the last button and lower the zip, I think I can finally breathe a sigh of relief, but without wasting time you put your hand in my panties. This is definitely not the time for a truce, Jane. I feel your fingers touching my centre and the sensation I feel is a mixture of relief and worry: worry, because you can feel very well how much effect you make on me; relief, for finally having what I had so longed waited for...you. I want you to feel what I'm feeling, but most of all I want to make you mine, so I start sliding your skirt upwards, until I lift it completely. My hands rest on your butt, firm and tight, to push you even closer to me. With a quick movement, I pull out your underwear slightly, which you drop and get rid of definitively, with an agile but slow movement of the legs.

I can't take it anymore. I must have you. I begin to caress your inner thigh and feel small contractions of the muscles as my fingers pass. Your body asks me to advance, you can no longer hold back the desire to feel my touch on your most sensitive point. Slowly I bring my hand closer to your intimacy, to satisfy your desire, while my eyes continue to get lost in yours, like yours in mine. You're wet, your body betrays all desire for me. I look at you as if asking your permission, when your free hand approaches mine, granting it. I put two fingers inside you and you can't hold back a moan of pleasure. You decide to do the same, but I suffocate the moan, even if my expression betrays me. I try to focus all my attention on you...not because you are not making me feel sensations that I will hardly forget, but because I want to enjoy every moment of your pleasure. Our eyes scrutinize each other, our mouths open slightly and our breaths are so close that we breathe the same air, full of desire. My thrusts are getting stronger, feeling your pleasure grow. I can no longer hold back my moans when I realize that you've decided to put one more finger inside me. You block my hand by the wrist, while with the other you give more strength to your movements. You had the same idea I did. By now you realize that I have understood your intentions and that I am harmless, so you let go my hand, to take me by my hips and attract me to your body. You kiss my neck and my chest, but when you realize I'm close to climax you start stare me in the eye again. You want to enjoy every second of what it feels like to fuck me.

With a liberating scream, I let myself go, quite content with the feelings you gave me. I rest my head in the hollow of your neck for a moment, trying to normalize my breathing. I touch you and I can feel you relaxing, too. So I'll take this opportunity to act undisturbed and pick up where I left off. I won't be satisfied until you are. I lift your leg, which you anchor to my hips, attracting me even more to you. You raise your head when my thrust gets stronger, and you can't hold back your moans any longer. My body presses against yours and my mouth sinks into your neck, firm. I can clearly hear your heart beat, so I'm making that rhythm mine. I feel your hands on my face, they pull it away from your body, and I can't explain myself why. But then I see you turn my face to yours. You want to look me in the eye and you want me to do the same.

"Jane..." That's all you can sigh before the moans come out of your mouth again. Stronger and stronger, more and more sighs. I'm losing myself in you, and I think I can't find myself anywhere except in your eyes. I hear you reaching your climax and I push hard until I feel your body relax against mine. I can't believe this is really happened. That must be true happiness. So we spend the night caressing each other and making love again and again, never satisfied, until we fall asleep.

The morning comes early, and when my alarm clock rings, I reach out and look for you in bed, but you're not there, and it makes me nervous. "Don't worry, Jane, I didn't run away. I'm right here...good morning" you tell me, and when I open my eyes I see you're standing at the end of the bed.

"Good morning, Maura," I say and my voice still sounds asleep.

"I left you some coffee for breakfast," you tell me. Oh, yeah, coffee. I definitely need it after a night like this. I can see the suitcase is packed and I understand it's not long before you leave. "How soon are you leaving?" I ask you, knowing that whatever you'll answer it will surely be too soon.

"Taxi's here in 15 minutes. I don't want to have to leave yet..."

"No, well, I understand... with the traffic, then airport security... baggage claim..."

"Jane, you're babbling."

"Yeah, I know. Why Maura?"

"Why what?" You ask me puzzled.

"Why now... what happened... do we want to talk about it now or in a month?" I'm asking you. I need to know why this happened. Sure, I'm afraid of what you might say, but I need it.

"Jane, you asked me to give you a reason to stay, that night, and I couldn't," you say, but I still don't see where you're going with this. Maybe because I haven't had my coffee yet. "Maura ... come on, talk to me" I'm putting you on the spot, considering your ability to talk to me for hours without getting to the point. I'm ready to know, or maybe not, but there's no reason worrying about it. It's gonna go the way it's supposed to go.

"I didn't give you a reason to stay, but I want to give you a reason to come back."