Harry Potter and all recognisable ideas belong to J. K. Rowling

Chapter 1

Who I was, is who I will never be again

Harry Potter has had enough. He has had enough of the people telling him what to do. What to feel.

After the war, Harry had time to think about his past. His supposed childhood. And he didn't like it. Who would? The only positive thing he could come up with was magic. Flowing in his veins and trough him. Surrounding him and rejuvenating him. A few das ago he would have said his freinds were one of the best things that happened to him, but now? In the aftermath of what people are starting to call the Battle of Hogwarts Harry wanders through the corridors. Corridors holding different memorys and after his death at the hands of Voldemort Harry felt light. Lighter than ever before and strangely clean. Now, wandering the ruined corridors he recalls quite a lot of moments, instances in which he acted against his character.

Harry Potter had been raisen in an abusiv houshold. Harry Potter would have never put so much trust into any adult. Especialy not teachers. But he did. First Dumbledore, then McGonagall followed by Molly Weasly and Lupin. Yes, he had been starved for love and attention. Yes, he yearned for such. But his easy and unconditional trust was strange.

He had never been given a reason to trust any person of authority. His aunt and uncle hit him, starved him, made him do hard physical labor and robbed him of his freedom. They gave him discarded clothes to large for him, till his start at school he didn't even know his own name. He had to dumb himself down in order to avoid beatings. His teachers never noticed, thought him a hooligan and criminal in the making. No matter what he did, no one wuld belive, much less help him.

Mo. Harry Potter held no such thing as faith in adults.

Why then, did he give his trust so easily after entering the magical world? He should have recived help in these castles walls. They should have made sure he was healthy and well fed. They did it with the other students. Why not him? They should have taken one look at his attire, hanging off his bones and stuffed him into the hospital wing.

Looking back Dumbledore made a lot of mistakes which should have cost him Harry trust and loylity. The first being the letters. Someone should have come and explained everything to him. Not whatever Hagrid did. He had not been schooled for such a thing. Thean the key. Why would someone other tham himself be in its posession?

Harry shook his head. He looked trough on of the many destroyed windows.

The war was just over and they were still burying their dead, burning death eaters, celebrating Vorldemorts death and already were people trying to push him into things he did not want. He realises he would have wanted to satisfy their desires, because he honsidered them his family. His loved ones! But something in him changed. A weight he didn't know he was carrying was lifted of his shoulders and he was glad for it.

Glad because no, he did not want to start the Auror program right away, thank you. What? He should be reasonable and stop arguing? Well, excuse him for not wanting to continue fighting when he just survived a war and could finally, finally calm the fuck down. He is traumatized as is. Let him deal with his trauma first before deciding anything! Fuck off, Ron.

He should return to school and finish his education? Why? Why should he walk through these halls again, when they hold so much suffering and pain? To learn? For a better future? Did they really think he would be able to hold his shit together and Not lose it? Hah. Which Harry Potter did they meet? Honestly. It was hard enough to help with the reconstruction. He would not make another year in these halls, ramembering walls where there are no longer any. Walking through the damp dungeon hallways reminding him of all the floating bodys being pulled to the shore of the black lake by the mermaids. He could feel the damage done to the castle through its magic.

Marry Ginny? Where the fuck did that come from? Harry is young, has a long future in front of him and he will not jump into any commitment so big just jet. Ungrateful? What? HE just saved the fucking world again and he was being called ungrateful when no one had tanked him? Hah! You know what Molly? Screw you!

He was being told the adults will do the rest, not to meddle. To be a good little boy and go play. It is, after all, the adults job to fix it. Adults job?...

Where had those supposed adults been when Albus Dumbledore hid The Philosophers Stone at Hogwarts? Where were they when Dumbledore let Voldemort (and Quirrel) into Hogwarts? What had they been diong when Dumbledore ignored the Mountain troll in the dungeons and let it roam through the corridors, almost killing Hermione? Does he have to mention Fluffy? Who had, by the way, been sitting behind a door first years could open with a simple Alohomora? Or the other Troll? Or the Basilisk? The Dementors?

Harry was tiered. So. Fucking. Tiered.

And people just couldn't leave him alone.

Hermione wanted to make sure he was alright. Which was nice of her, but she wouldn't stop scolding him for running into his own death. He understood, but he would do it again. Not sorry Mione. She had come out of the war a stonger person. Confident and frankly awe inspiring. Harry told her as much and she started crying. He understood her. Felt with her, but he wanted to be alone. He started to notice so many things reflecting on the past and it made him angry. He didn't have the mental capacity to be calm her and even as he tried Ron came storming in, berating him in a fit of jelousy.

When he wasn't beratin because of one ro another think Ron was regaling him with his own heroism. Basking in his achievement. Harry was still pissed he left. Again. Time after time Harry forgave him. Why?

Ginny wanted to get together again, painting their future together... Your brother just died and you want to snog? Get a grip girl. Try mourning before planning a wedding.

And so, Harry fled. Walked through the school and wished he could start anew. He wanted a different start. Wanted to be different. And boy, he held so much anger and disappointment, fear and hatred. And he was cunfused. Just what effect did his death have on him. He felt so different and he felt like shit. He let his magic bleed around him, freeing himself of this emotimal overload trying to take him over, almost destroying him. Let his magic grip onto Hogwarts magic. He felt the castles pain, its sadness. It felt the childrens blood tainting its stones. It hurt. Harry wanted to change that too. The castle had been his home for the longest time and to feel its hurt, was tearing at him, adding to his own hurt, felling of betrayal (Which he didn't understand. Why did he feel betrayed?). He felt the castles magic respond to his. To the feelings his magic held, and they bled together mashing into each other and Harry wished again. To start anew, but different. He didn't want to be Harry anymore. And then he stood by the Room of Requirement. Where he had fled from what felt just a few hours ago. Where a schoolmate had died.

A door opened before him and in trance he entered.

When he woke up again a woman stood before him. He couldn't make up here features as they seemed distorted. Damaged, somehow.

"Harry Potter" he jumped at her voice. "I could feel your need for change. Your despair for a second chance." She looked down on him and he realized he was smaller than he should be. He didn't speak.

"I am the guardian. I am the soul of the castle. I am Hogwarts." She looked deeply into his eyes and he believed her.

"I am sending you back, you will wake up as your younger self. With a few changes of course. As you wished it. You would be you, posses your magic and blood. But you will be someone different. All I ask, is for you to do what you just did again. Let your magic bleed into mine again, when you return. Wake me from my slumber and I will once again protect, as is my duty."

Harry was stunned. A chance to start again? To be who he wanted to be? He could leave the Durslys. He could make an effort to integrate into the magical world at an earlier age. He could take his fate into his own hands. He would not be manipulated as he had been in this life. He realised then why he had felt betrayed. Because he had been. Dumbledores manipulation of himself had led him to this day. It was he who had layed spall over spell onto him so Harry would trust him and his, to follow his plan without fail. Another wave of anger swept over him.

"Wait. What do you mean awaken you?" A dark aura formed around the manifestation of Hogwarts and Harry felt a chill go down his spine at it. He chose not to ask the other questions in his mind. No need to anger her.. it? further.

"Albus Dumbledore. As soon as he got that blasted wand of his, he started to put me to sleep. He manipulated the very foundation of my being. For the longest time I had been barely conscious and only someone who held the power of a founder could fully awaken me again. That fool schemed against me, against the children I am to protect. He filled their thoughts with hatred and disharmony. So many lies has he told. So many has he led to death or worse."

"The power of a founder? How could I have something like this?" She seemed to cock her head and observe him.

"Are you familiar, Harry, with the right of conquest? Yes? That is how. Voldemort, or Tom Riddle, rather, had been the last to the line of Slytherin. In his quest to kill you, he challenged you. His first challenge fell on that fateful night of Halloween. Had you been able to battle and win over the piece of soul embedded into your scar, you would have gained the title of Heir of Slytherin much earlier. As it is, you hold it now, as you have brought his end and with it, woke me. With my current strength, I am unable to do as for the wards as much as I would like to. I would need time to power the wards and charge them back to full strength, fix the damage done by both Dumbledore and Death eaters alike. Or, I could send you back."

Harry's mind was racing. He had already made up his mind. He would go. Try again. Make it better. He had to. Not for anyone else, but for himself. The answere to his question as to how he was suppoed to get a chance to fight the Horcrux was: Goblins. As their magic was older than most of what wizards used, seeing as what is referred to as dark magic is prohibited, they held more knowledge thac wizards gave them credit for.

And just like this, he disappeared.

When he got his bearing again, Harry was at the Park. He could see Dudley and a few other children running around. They looked clumsy. And young. His own hands looked so small and delicate. It felt surreal. He felt no pain, no anger. He felt calm and tranquil. Different.

His cousin and friends then came up to him, asking him to play with them. Harry felt very confused. He remembered Dudley at this age. He already hated him. Why would he want to play with him? When the child didn't receive an answer he shrugged his shoulders, said something about girls being weird and ran of. Weird. Dudly would have nerver left it at that.

That is when he noticed his clothes. Harry was wearing a dress...And Dudley had called him a girl... Harry knew he should be freaking out right about now, but it felt so right. He couldn't wrap his head around it. A voice laught inside his head. A quite wisper and hew understood. She..It made sure he would feel comfortable in his new (or just different?) body. The forced calm would subside as soon as Harry felt save anough to let his guard down.

"You wanted to be different. Being a girl should prove to be very different compared to the Harry Potter the magical world ecpects. Good luck!"