Sodapop & Ritalin
By: Nonya B. Swackz
Disc.: Despicable Me belongs to NBCUniversal and Comcast, and the chicken minions to me.
A/N: 1) You get a cookie if you can figure out what song the title of this fic is from. 2) The minions are going to be chickens in my fics because screw the minions. 3) Edith is best Gru girl. :3
PRANK 1: EDITH'S EXPERIMENT
Edith, aged seven, was easily the most mischievous of Thelonius Gru's three daughters. Always up to something, always having to cover up her skirted rear-end.
So it was no surprise when Dr. Nefario hit her with this question when she wandered into the lab one day:
"What're ya doing here, Pinky?"
'Pinky'. Edith couldn't tell if Uncle Nefario gave her and her sisters these nicknames out of love or if he straight-up couldn't remember their real names. 'Maybe both,' she thought.
"Whaddaya mean, what am I doing?" Edith said, smiling and batting her eyelashes innocently. "Can't a girl walk into her dad's lab without getting asked a gazillion questions?"
Dr. Nefario waved her off airily.
"Eh, whatever," he grunted, continuing his work on the Truth Serum Gun (TSG) Gru had ordered, not noticing Edith sneaking along the shelf behind him. "Just don't play with anything. Gru got you girls that toy box for a reason."
While Nefario still had his back turned, Edith grabbed a stepstool and poured a bottle of Sir Pranxter's Exploding Science Juice in the inventor's Truth Serum, then ran back into the living room, where Margo was reading a book and Agnes was having a tea party with chickens Fred and Phil, respectively.
A smirk grew on Edith's face as she began the countdown. "1...2...3!"
KABOOM!
Smoke erupted from the lab down below, and Dr. Nefario screamed, making both of Edith's sisters jump.
Edith burst into raucous laughter as a dazed and black-faced Nefario appeared in the entrance tube, swaying slightly.
"Sorry, Books," the inventor slurred, addressing Margo. "Ya can't have that Prince o' yours, I'm smoked."
And he collapsed on the hardwood floor, unconscious. Agnes, looking concerned, passed her uncle a teacup.
Edith, still giggling, looked triumphant.
"BOOYA! You just got EDITH'D, Uncle Nefario!" she cried with a shark grin.
Her older sister raised an eyebrow.
"'Edith'd'? Really?"
"I know, awesome, isn't it?" Edith said with another giggle.
Her mission accomplished, she turned on her heel.
"I'm gonna go play with my dolls. Later!"
And she skipped upstairs to their room, at the same moment Gru entered the living room, demanding an explanation for the ruckus.
Margo rolled her eyes.
"Edith's on her pranking spree again."
Agnes gasped and hid under the party blanket.
"No, no! I don't wanna be pranked! Daddy, help me!"
Gru looked at the five-year-old for a moment, then turned back to Margo.
"Vut do you mean, 'pranking spree'?" he asked as he picked up Agnes, who clutched his neck tightly.
"She goes through this phase where she pulls as many pranks as she can for an entire month," Margo replied, returning to her book.
"Vell, she eez only seven," Gru said with a weak chuckle. "How many pranks could a seven-year-old possibly pull?"
"Oh, you'll see," Margo said darkly.
PRANK 2: SHE'S MY CHERRY PIE
Edith was coloring on the dining room floor, swinging her legs and humming to herself.
Presently, Margo came into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of chocolate milk, and Edith got a sudden idea for a good prank.
She waited until her older sister left, then dashed into the kitchen to set up her prank.
Edith got a pie tin out and put a spring in it; then she covered it with whipped cream and put a cherry on top for good measure and put it in the fridge.
Her prank all set up, the tomboy smoothed her skirt, adjusted her tassel hat, and strode confidently into the living room, where her 10-year-old sister was drawing and sipping her chocolate milk.
"HEY, MARGO," Edith hollered, rather loudly. "IF YOU SEE A BANANA CREAM PIE IN THE FRIDGE, IT'S MINE, SO DON'T EAT IT, OK!?"
Grinning mischievously, Edith returned to her coloring in the dining room. She knew Margo couldn't resist; banana cream was her favorite.
Sure enough, Margo didn't resist for very long; ultimately, she dashed into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and got a face-ful of whipped cream pie.
Edith fell backwards laughing, scattering her crayons all over the ninja picture she was coloring.
"You just got 'EDITH'D', Big Sis!" she choked out in between giggles.
Margo's brown eyes narrowed.
When Gru found out about this, he warned Edith about pulling pranks.
"Aw, c'mon, Dad, it's just a joke," the blonde giggled, picking up her crayons and coloring book and heading for her/her sisters' bedroom.
But Gru caught her by the back of the sweater just as she was about to open the door to the living room.
"I mean eet, meesy," the villain warned. "I need you to promeese me you von't pull any more pranks."
Edith turned to face her dad, holding her coloring book behind her back with crossed fingers.
"I promise," she declared. "No more pranks."
And she skipped away to her room, already concocting possible schemes for her next prank.
PRANK 3: AT THE PLAYGROUND
The Gru family (plus a snoozing Dr. Nefario) was all packed in the tank car, headed for the playground.
Edith couldn't help but smile at the thought of how many pranks she could pull at the park, twiddling her fingers. Agnes noticed her middle sister's smile and was more than a little frightened by it.
About 10 minutes later, the Gru family made it to the park, and Edith was the first one out, jumping out of the tank and landing, catlike, on her feet, her skirt swishing a bit in the wind.
When Gru woke Dr. Nefario up, the experienced inventor freaked out.
"CAPTAIN! IS THE WAR OVER!?"
It started out as a peaceful and quiet day at the park; the girls were playing on the playground, and Gru and Dr. Nefario were collecting pinecones for a "pinecone gun".
Margo was swinging on the swing, Edith was shooting down the slide, and Agnes was building a sand castle - er, mound - in the sandbox.
It wasn't 'til Edith noticed her dad's freeze ray lying discarded on a picnic table that she finally decided on a prank.
Grabbing the freeze ray, she blasted an unwitting Margo with it, yelling, "Freeze ray!"
Gru and Agnes both gasped, and the former hastily unfroze Margo (who literally seemed completely unaware of what'd just happened). Edith just laughed uncontrollably.
Gru towered over his middle daughter, forcing her to crane her neck to keep his face in sight.
"You're tall," the tomboy remarked.
Ignoring her comment, Gru said sternly, "Edith, vut deed I tell you about de pranks?"
"Well, you freeze people all the time," Edith scoffed, smiling innocently.
Dr. Nefario chuckled. "She does have a good point there, Gr-"
His boss cut him off by throwing a pinecone at his head, which bounced off with a dull thunk.
"Shutting up," the inventor said quickly.
So once they got home, Gru picked Edith up by the back of her sweater and took her up to her/her sisters' room, grounding her for the night.
But did this discourage Edith? HECK, NO!
PRANK 4: WHAT MAKES YOUR HAIR CURL
Edith got up early the next morning and made for her dad's bathroom to set up for her next prank.
She grabbed the Irish Spring soap her dad used to wash his bald head and replaced it with Sir Pranxter's Hair-Growth Soap. Then, she ran back to her room, hopped in her bomb bed, and pretended to be asleep, snickering softly to herself.
The Grus had bacon and eggs for breakfast, and then they all got dressed for the day.
While they waited for their dad to get out of the shower, the girls played in the living room. Margo read while her two younger siblings built a castle out of wooden blocks.
"Hey, Edith," Margo said without looking up from her book, "You haven't pulled any pranks today, have you?"
Edith looked to the left, sweating slightly.
"Um, n-no.."
Just then, Gru screamed and stormed out of his bathroom, wearing a beige bathrobe and sporting a curly, black afro atop his previously bald head.
Edith burst into a humongous fit of laughter.
"You've been EDITH'D, Daddy!"
Her dad scowled.
"Edith, you're grounded. No video games or TV for a veek."
"It's all in good fun," Edith assuaged, still giggling, "Lighten up, Dad!"
"Dad, I think it's time you read this," Margo remarked as she grabbed a book off the shelf she'd been saving and handed it to Gru.
Quizzically, the villain held the book up and read the title aloud: "'What to Do If You Think Your Daughter is Psychotic by Dr. H. Ohno'."
"What's 'psychotic'? I am not!" said Edith indignantly as she began to froth at the mouth slightly.
FINAL PRANK: TO PRANK A PRANKSTER
Having had enough of her middle sister's pranks, Margo decided it was time to give Edith a taste of her own medicine.
The bookworm put a bunch of rubber snakes in the tomboy's bed, so when she woke up -
"AHHHH! DADDY!"
Edith screamed at the top of her lungs - making Kyle go crazy - and zoomed into their dad's room, jumping on his bed and clinging to him tightly with tears of fright streaming down her face.
Startled, Gru asked his middle daughter what was wrong.
Though she was shaking and crying, the pink-loving tomboy managed to choke out that there were snakes in her bed.
Then the two found out it was all a prank and Margo got a good laugh out of it, but Edith managed to get the last laugh by angrily dumping a bucket of peanut butter over her older sister's head.
Slowly and with a blank look on his face, Gru began making breakfast and reading What to Do If You Think Your Daughter is Psychotic while Margo went to go take a shower and the younger two seated themselves at the kitchen table, Edith sniffing with her eyes still bloodshot and Agnes playing obliviously with her bowlbrush unicorn toy.
Then Dr. Nefario shuffled through the kitchen, chomping on a bagel and toting the prototype to the pinecone gun (trademark pending).
"Mornin', Gru, girls," he grunted.
Gru nodded in acknowledgement.
"Morning, Uncle Nefario," Edith and Agnes chanted in unison. Edith sounded as though she had a bad head cold.
Dr. Nefario chortled.
"Oh-ho-ho! 'Ey, Gru, looks like someone -"
Gru cut the inventor off by throwing an egg in his face, covering it in yoke and eggshell.
"Shutting up," Nefario said quickly.
~The end!~