CHAPTER 2

"Shepard, be reasonable!"

"Any ship. Anything space worthy." I walked through the hanger inspecting the silent beasts as Hackett trailed behind me.

"Please stop!" The old man caught my arm before I stumbled over a thick fueling tube and sighed. Fists clenched, I resisted the need to turn around and throw my arms around him. Because he wasn't Anderson. Because I really needed someone to hold me together. For moment I stood there, my skin prickling, my eyes hot. And Hackett seemed to sense how close I was to the precipice. He laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. It would have to be enough. I lifted my eyes to see him gazing at me with understanding and sympathy. No pity at all. It loosened the knot in my gut. "I know how you feel. We will find them."

"I can't…."

"You can." He caught both my shoulders and peered into my tear-brightened eyes. "I know you said you want to go to that beach, but we both know you'd only be obsessing over your omni-tool the whole time. You would go crazy, that's why it's important for you to be doing something."

"I don't want to be Councilor, Hackett. I'm not a politician."

"And that's exactly why we need you." He smiled sadly. "Look at what you've done in four months? We have a Hanar Councilor! More and more races are making contact with us because you're in the mix. You bright them together to save the galaxies, and now they're coming to you to rebuild it. This bigger than all of us now Shepard. You cannot leave in the middle of this to go look for the Normandy."

"They are my friends!" I jerked away from, then winced. "Dammit Hackett, you'd look for your family."

The scarred face tightened. "I did."

Something stilled inside me and I groaned, coming forward to place my hand against his shoulder this time. "God, I'm sorry. I renegaded through his whole mess and it's hard for me to tune it down. Shit Hackett, it's all that's gotten me through this. I didn't mean…"

He touched my hand on his shoulder and took a deep fortifying breath. "I know. Just…" he seemed to search for the words for a moment, "keep the faith."

I worked better with a flame thrower. I had no idea what to do with faith.

I still had nightmares. Not the one with the kid; I put that one to rest. But I saw them all. Kaiden. Liara. Garrus. Tali…oh god. Mordin. EDI…shit. Their faces haunted me and I survived on stims and caffeine.

The apartment I'd been given was all mine. People all around earth had been sharing accommodation with the wounded, the stranded, the orphaned. It felt wrong to be privileged, but I had taken it with a pinch of salt. I might not have had people walking around me. But the demons were there.

And the constant screech and ringing of Reapers.

I awoke with a start, sweat suffusing over every inch of me. Reaching blindly for the bottle of water on my nightstand, I drained it in one breath before gasping and coming out of bed. I was undressing and hallway to the shower to wash away the madness when I saw the glow of my omni-tool. It was almost tempting to tell the Council to go fuck themselves. But Hackett kept pulling me back towards sanity. His reminder to keep the faith.

And when I padded over to the glow to see just whose name was on the tiny display, my knees gave away. They slammed hard into the hardwood floor. The jarring pain was enough to throw stars of unconsciousness before my eyes, but I was already reaching forward to put my fingers on the name 'Joker' before I could slip away.

"Shep, can you hear me?"

And the tears took my voice from me.

"Shep?! Shepard!? Is that you!?"

Rebuilding was such a pain. Everything was chaos. The make-shift council had more arguments than anything. Through it all, little survived that would keep me amused. I couldn't shoot anything. I couldn't kill anything and worst of all, I had to wear a dress.

"Looking sharp Commander."

I scowled at the man who would have been my world, if he didn't have his head up his Specter ass. Kaiden was as handsome as ever, but he was also too damned eager for my old bones. It was a complement, I reminded myself. I should have smiled. As it were, he only blushed and cleared his throat as I took my seat at the Council table.

As I let my eyes slowly go over the people gathered around me, I now understood why Hackett had put me here. I connected almost everyone making plans to rebuild our worlds.

Ironically enough, it was the Shadow broker that set any decent communication system. They bounced signals off of makeshift relays set up on their ships as they spread across the galaxies. All under a salient proprietary name. Miranda had added her own Cerberus band of expertise to Liara's fast growing team.

I could never describe the feeling as I stood on the old airport watching the bruised, battered Normandy spill my not so bruised nor battered crew on the tarmac. The old girl had kept them safe. I wanted to run forward and kiss her. Joker might have minded.

So I had held my jaw, the crazy swirl of tear jerking relief and then Liara had thrown her arms around me. If she wasn't one of my best friends I would have gone biotic god on her blue ass. But she was and I had wanted them back so badly.

Eventually Garrus had lifted me in his arms and carried my exhausted, cried out self to the transport.

Shaking myself out of the memory I watched as Wrex's face flickered from where he was connected from Tuchanka, Eve beside him. Shiala, the Asari representing the Rachni Queen was in her seat, as green as ever. Admiral Shala'Raan sat primly in her chair. The Batarian, Drell, Elcor and Hanar councilors I did not recognize, but I saw Javik looking unhappy from where he was asked to advise. I almost grinned at how things had turned out. Now part of Liara's crew (much to my friends breathless glee) he kept looking at the Hanar and shaking his head about 'single cell idiots'.

I grinned. I had put in the names as recommendation and not only had nearly everyone accepted, they had been agreed upon unanimously.

But stacked as it was in my favor, the icing on the cake was the Turian Councilor. One blue painted Garrus Vakarian sat beside me looking as bored and antsy as I did.

There was a god.

"So…we're moving into the Citadel. Do I get a lakeside window?"

"Wait what?" I jerked out of my thoughts to blink at what Garrus had said. His brow plate raised as if he knew I'd spaced out and grinned.

"They're sending us back up to the charred hunk of metal in the sky. How very thoughtful of them. There's even a welcome party."

My mouth parted as my heart sank. Oh god. A party meant music. Mingling and possible chances to…choke…small talk.

"There, there, Shepard." Garrus patted my hand. "You won't have to dance."

"Shut up Vakarian."

"So it's decided." The Asari Councilor rose. "We will have the swearing ceremony along with a memorial service in the new Council Tower. It is time to officially open the Citadel to everyone."

Something trembled inside me and I felt my breath hitch as Garrus' hand wrapped around mine and squeezed. "Breathe Shepard. This is all you."

TO BE CONTINUED...