We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this shocking popular report...

[Camera switches on/ Quinn smiles darkly into the night-filter screen]

"It's time..."

[Image switches/ Stacy is playing an electric guitar/ she is dressed in all-black cowboy duds/ smoking a cigar/ the audio... is epic.]

"To allow..."

[Image switches/ Sandi is dressed as Princess Leia/ She is jumping up and down in a bouncy house]

"For a new beginning..."

[Image shifts/ It's Daria Morgendorffer/ in her usual duds/ in a room with the wall covered in flashing multi-colored strobes lights/ she is doing the least-enthusiastic booty dance in human history]

"It has been many years..."

[Image shifts/ Jane Lane is sneering with contempt/ she is sitting on a giant mushroom/ at her side is a hookah/ she says something but there is no audio]

"And while some things have changed..."

[Image shifts/ Nurse Goodnsexy, a.k.a. Tom Sloane is dancing it up for all she and/or he is worth/ this is disturbing the medical staff that is performing a major operation with the opened up patient present in the operating room.]

"Others have remained the same..."

[Image shifts: Mr. O'Neill appears in Doctor Manson's office crying his eyes out/ unnoticed Dr. Manson is playing Tetris on her phone.]

"And speaking of things that have remained the same..."

[Image shifts: Tiffany Blum-Deckler is standing in front of a reflective surface doing her makeup/ unaware that the Chipotle she is in will close in five minutes.]

"But... This is a new year... 2018 to be precise..."

[Image shifts: Mr. DeMartino is wearing a US Postal Worker uniform/ he is covered in blood and laughing maniacally]

"And a lot of bad things have happened... Wars, celebrity deaths, presidential elections!"

[Image shifts: Jake Morgendorffer is dressed up as Donald Trump/ he is unsure how to act.]

"But despite these things..."

[Random images flash on the screen/ they range from fashion magazine covers/ to popular viral video clips/ clips from popular movies/ snippets of popular music videos/ popular poplars/ popular pops/ popular popular popular...]

"You can rest assure that this year..."

[Camera zooms in on Quinn Morgendoffer's lips]

"Will. Belong. To. Me."

[Image snaps in a flash to black]