Summary: He was the Nara clain heir. She was the last of the Uchiha. It seemed as though even as Hokage, love still didn't come easy.
Pairing: Uchiha Sarada/Nara Shikadai
Rating: T
Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort
Author note: So here's me playing around with clan politics and soap-opera-inspired plot. It's a bit of a mess, quite frankly.
Note: Italics - flashbacks
Word count: 3883 words
The number of Uchihas existing in this world was a grand total of three. Her mother, her father and her. Sarada knew that once upon a time, her parents had tried to have more children. But after three miscarriages and one close call that nearly costed her mother her life, her parents had stopped trying.
And Sarada was the heir.
She was Hokage, first and foremost, but she was also an Uchiha and she knew that the continued existence of her clan depended solely on her. The name, the legacy, the history, the future - they were all in her hands.
Her duties were many, though Sarada didn't mind shouldering one more.
Being the responsible one was hard. But no one had told her that it would hurt this much.
"It's better this way, you know. Best to…quit while we are ahead."
"Quit while we are ahead," he echoed flatly. She forced her gaze away from his teal eyes, because she knew that if she looked at him any longer, she would start crying.
Sarada could only imagine how that scene would be like. The Hokage, bawling in her office.
"You understand, don't you? You're the Nara heir and I…well, I'm the last Uchiha. I can't let my clan die out," she swallowed. "It's never going to amount to anything else between us."
Plans. Responsibilities. Doing what was right. Sarada knew Shikadai would understand these things, and she knew that he would agree with her. This was reasonable. Frankly, this was the best course of action to prevent any future heartbreaks for them. If this went on any longer, she was afraid that she might not be able to let go…
Don't think like that!
This was the right thing to do. As clan heirs, they had responsibilities to their families. Beyond that, as Hokage, Sarada had a duty not to just protect the village from outside forces, but to prevent internal conflicts as well. If they pursued down this path, it could put her family and the Naras in a difficult situation.
When had her life turned into one of those dramas on TV that Ino-baachan loved to watch?
"You've made your choice." It wasn't a question.
She nodded. She was glad for the desk separating them, glad that it prevented her from reaching out to him. She longed to touch him, but she shouldn't. Not anymore.
Not ever, it seemed.
"Are you…Do you hate me?" the question came out as a shaky whisper. Sarada felt her throat constricted.
"That's not possible," Shikadai replied quietly, voice wavering. Then, his face hardened slightly and he clenched his jaws, the way he did whenever he tried to reign in his emotion. "I respect your decision. You're right. This is the best course of action for the both of us."
There was this tiny part inside her that had hoped he would fight this, so that she would dare to follow him, because didn't she want to be happy as well? But that part died when he said those words and she knew it was unfair of her to ask that of him, especially when she had already given up.
"Thank you, for understanding," she murmured. "I guess this is it, then."
"Yes, this is it," he nodded and stood up. His body was rigid as he bowed to her. "Have a good day," Shikadai stopped to consider his words, "Hokage-sama."
That was it.
The first time they met, Sarada broke his nose.
It was an accident. She hadn't meant to pull the punch, at least not on him. Boruto was being an idiot (which was nothing new) and Sarada wanted to shut him up. Shikadai just happened to be standing a bit too close. He appeared to have rotten luck, because the next thing they knew, the boy was on the ground, clutching his nose as a stream of blood dripped steadily down his face.
Sarada needed to work on her aim.
"Shikadai, man, are you alright?" Boruto asked, trying to appear concerned. Though he looked a little too gleeful for not being on the receiving end of Sarada's punch to actually pull it off.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't…it's an accident, I swear!" Sarada stammered, crouching down next to him.
Up until a second ago, Shikadai had been tempted to complain and demand what the girl's problem had been, followed closely by a comment of how bothersome she was. But one look at her frantic expression and the guilt in her dark eyes, and his annoyance evaporated. He couldn't bring himself to scold her.
Even if his nose hurt. A lot.
"'s okay….don't worry about it," he mumbled, wiping the blood off his face with the sleeve of his jacket.
"This is all your fault, Uzumaki!" she rounded on Boruto, hands on her hips. She distinctively reminded Shikadai of Lady Sakura right then, whom he thought was the most beautiful and scary woman in the world, right behind his mom.
Not that he thought this girl was beautiful.
"Why is it my fault?! You were the one punching people, Uchiha!"
"Well, if you weren't such a big idiot…"
Shikadai sighed and stood up, nose still throbbing. The pair had forgotten about him entirely, it seemed. Lack of attention never bothered him, but he wouldn't mind if this girl gave him that look full of concern again.
The paperwork was endless. Naruto had jokingly warned her about it once and then proceeded to ask if she still wanted the post. Now, as Sarada went through the report on the newest construction site, she couldn't help but admit that there was a degree of truth in his words.
Closing the file and placed it on the pile of work that she had got done, she took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her head was throbbing. She had been shut inside her office for almost the entire day, finalizing new plans for the village, handing out missions and dealing with temper tantrums of Genins sick of D-ranks, and then sat through a meeting with several merchants who accused Konoha of stealing their customers. She struggled to think of the last time she had eaten…was it this morning? Or the night before? Didn't she have a couple of biscuits a few hours ago?
Sarada wasn't too sure anymore.
This Hokage business might just be the death of me, she thought grimly to herself as she reached for another file, then stiffened as she felt the chakra signature approaching her office along with several other.
Of all the times for them to be meeting…
A knock at the door. "Come in," she called out, her voice hoarse after remaining silent for a long while.
Shikadai walked in, followed closely his Genins who seemed to be bickering about something. He once called them his 'minions', she remembered, and then she silently berated herself for digging up old memories at the most inopportune moment.
No use thinking about what they used to have now.
"Hokage-sama," he bowed, and the three preteens mimicked their sensei movement, still glaring at another. Despite her exhaustion, the corner of her lips curled up into a fond smile as she was reminded of her own Genin days.
"I take it the mission was a success?" she asked. Sarada was a master of maintaining an unaffected, professional façade these days. Especially in front of Shikadai.
"It is a success. Although, my students seem to have decided taking a bath in a swamp was a good idea," he commented dryly as he casted a look at the trio, who was covered in mud and Kami knew what else.
"Sensei! I told you it was an accident!"
"Yeah, if Hachiro-baka didn't try to push me in-"
"Alright, kids, so long as no one's hurt…you are all dismissed," Sarada interrupted before her office was turned into a battlefield. "Go home and clean up."
"Yes, Hokage-sama," they chorused. The bickering picked up as soon as they were out of the door.
Shikadai remained where he was standing, hands in his pocket, his face stoic. The look in his eyes was a bit too intense for her to be comfortable.
"Do you have something you wish to discuss with me?"
"You look terrible."
She raised an eyebrow at him, bemused. "If you are here just to comment about my looks-"
"That's not…I just mean you should take better care of yourself," he sighed. "You seem tired."
"Yes, well, what else is new," she muttered, turning away. She was exhausted and his presence wasn't helping. Once upon a time, it might, but now all it managed to do was put her on edge. She was torn between pushing him out of the door and pulled him in and kissed him senseless. Both options were equally tempting and unfeasible.
She couldn't kick him out, that was just plain rude. She definitely couldn't kiss him, because if she did…well, who knew where that would lead to.
"Why are you doing this, Shikadai?" she asked quietly, tilting her head up to look at him. There was too much sadness in his eyes.
"Am I not allowed to care about you anymore?"
Yes. No. Maybe. There was no correct way to answer that question, it seemed.
"I have a lot of work to do, Shikadai," she concluded, a note of finality in her voice.
After one torturous moment of silence, he said, "Have a good night then, Hokage-sama."
And then he was gone.
She was growing to hate that goodbye from him.
"I need a favor."
"Well, that's something you don't hear every day." There was a teasing smile in his eyes as he looked up at her from his Shogi board. Shikadai was playing against himself, which she didn't really get how that would work out, but his attention was no longer on the game.
"Just because I-" she started to retort, but then thought better of it. "Okay, never mind that. Thing is, I have a bit of a problem and I would be really grateful if you could help me out with it."
He raised his brows. "You need to be a bit more specific than that," he said, leaning forward with his chin on one hand, legs still folded together. It was a rather becoming position…
Wait, what?
"Sarada?"
"Uhm, right…" she mumbled, searching for the right words. The last thing she needed was getting distracted right now. "I need you to…well, go on a date with me."
Judging from the widening of his eyes and the way his mouth had slightly gone agape, Sarada was sure that this was not what he expected from her. "Are you…asking me out, by any chance?"
"You don't have to sound so horrified about it," she remarked dryly, and when he opened his mouth to say something else, she pressed on, "It's not like that. I'm not asking you out on a real date, but more like pretending."
"I'm rather confused right now."
"I'm doing a horrible job of explaining this," she muttered to herself. "Alright, let me try this again. I need your help getting Boruto and ChouChou off my back. I've had a…bad break-up a while ago and I haven't really gone on dates or anything like that since. They keep pestering me lately. Frankly, it's sort of annoying. I mean, I know they mean well and they don't want to see me alone and stuff. But, yeah, that's that."
When he failed to answer, she added hurriedly, "You don't have to worry about paying or doing anything. Just show up and…uhm, smile? And I'll owe you one. You can ask me any favor you want. Well, within reason."
He smiled. "Why me?"
How typical of Shikadai to ask that. He would want to know all the facts before he decided what he would do.
"Mitsuki can't keep a secret from Boruto. Inojin is horrible at acting and would blow the cover for sure," she shrugged. "You are laid back and wouldn't make a fuss out of this. We get along quite well, too."
He had his eyes trained on her as she spoke. How come she had never noticed just how green they were? They were not emeralds, not like her mother. They were darker, deeper and-
Sarada sternly told herself to stop thinking.
"You've really put some thoughts into this, haven't you?"
She snorted indelicately. "Anything for some peace and quiet. You know how Boruto and ChouChou can get."
"Alright, I'll do it."
"Seriously?"
He nodded. "But, I'll pay-no, no, don't say anything. I know it's not a real date, but gotta keep up the act, right?"
"Fine, since you so graciously offered…"
"You owe me one. I expect you to follow through on that promise," he said seriously. There was a gleam in his eyes that told her she should be careful about whatever he got planning in the future.
"You are not making me do anything weird, are you?" Shikadai was all well and good, but she could never be too careful, not when he was looking at her like that.
"Don't worry about it," he laughed.
A week later, he showed up on her doorstep, telling her to get dressed as he was here to collect his favor. Later on, whenever anyone asked, he would say that was their first date.
But he was wrong, because the first one already happened three days before. Sarada decided not to inform him of that anytime in the near future, because she had a feeling that Shikadai wouldn't take well to being outsmarted.
She should have known they couldn't stay away from each other for long. Him lying in her bed, a trail of clothing discarded carelessly on the floor and the memory of last night were enough proof for that.
What had she done?
"This is a mistake," he said quietly from next to her. He had put enough distance between them that their bodies were no longer touching, to which she was grateful. She wasn't sure she could think clearly otherwise.
"You think?" she retorted sarcastically. The look he gave her told her that her attitude was not appreciated. A flash of guilt washed through her. She shouldn't have snapped at him like that; it was no more his fault than it was hers. "Sorry. I'm just…not in the best of mood right now."
He did not offer any reply to that. The bed groaned as he moved to get off and started putting on his clothing. Her eyes caught a flash of his bare chest. She immediately averted her gaze.
How funny it was, that she had spent the entire night with him and yet now, she couldn't bring herself to look at him without clothing.
Sarada pulled the sheets closer around her body and rubbed her temple. Everything happening in the last twelve hours had been one giant mistake. She shouldn't have agreed to take the night off and go out drinking with her old Academy class. She shouldn't have convince herself to keep on going after the first glass of sake. She definitely shouldn't have let Shikadai walk her back home and then invited him in (even though it had seemed like an enormously good idea at the time).
But those things had happened. What good would it do her now to think about what she should and shouldn't have done?
"You are thinking that it was your fault," he spoke up, startling her from her thoughts. He had settled on the chair near her bed, fully dressed, though his hair was still down from its usual ponytail. His face was curiously blank, though one look at the way he was clenching his hands together told her that he was anything but calm. "But it takes two, you know. I don't do anything that I don't want to."
"You can't…we're not…"
"I am fully aware of that! We're not anything, I know," he snapped. And just like that, the careful façade that he had put on his face like battle amour splintered away, revealing a myriad of emotions that made it hard for her to breath.
It was one thing to know that he loved her, still, and it was another altogether to see it with her own eyes. And to realize that those feelings mirrored her own.
Sarada had spent months after that day in her office, convincing herself that she was moving on, that with every passing day, her feelings for him became less and less. But looking into those green eyes now, she knew that she had just been trying to fool herself, and she had done a rather poor job at that.
"We should try harder," she murmured, "we can't afford to-"
"Do you know why I agree with you that day? Why I didn't fight harder for you?" he cut her off abruptly.
"You knew it was the right thing to do…the logical thing."
He nodded. "You were right…you still are. But it is also because I know you, Sarada, and I know that you always want to do the right thing. You are such a martyr sometimes, always sacrificing for the greater good. You were happy with me, but you couldn't bring yourself to be content with that. Not when it was affecting our families.
"I wanted to relieve you of the guilt you would have otherwise. You deserve someone whom you are wholly happy to be with, someone who wouldn't make you constantly second-guessing your decision, wondering if your happiness is at the cost of other people. I can't…" he stopped, and she thought that she saw his eyes glistening, "I can't give you that."
There was a note of defeat in his voice as he uttered those last words. Something wet and hot dribbled down her cheeks. Her heart felt like it had stopped beating, her limbs weak and useless.
"What a pair we are, eh?" he attempted a smile, voice thick, "So ready to sacrifice ourselves."
"Maybe that's why we wouldn't work either way," she whispered, feeling the truth of her sentence cut into her inside like knives.
"Yes, maybe."
They didn't say anything more. What else was there for her to say?
There was this part inside her, this selfish part that she had always tried to ignore, that was telling her to discard everything else and just be with him. To hell with the clans, to hell with rules and traditions. The offer was tempting, and for one moment, Sarada found herself so very close to giving in.
But then she was reminded of the reason she had broken up with him in the first place. She was not just Sarada and he was not just Shikadai. There were things bigger than their personal happiness or them being together, things that they cherished and were willing to sacrifice for. They were young. In the future, they would meet other people and they would move on. They were probably nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Already given up before the battle had begun, the selfish voice sneered in disgust.
Sarada pushed the thought away. Not every battle had to be fought and not every fight could be won.
"I suppose I should go then," he murmured, standing up. "Goodbye, Sarada."
"Goodbye, Shikadai."
As he walked to the door, he hesitated, and then without turning around, he said, "Someday, you will meet someone that you are willing to move heaven and earth for. Don't be a martyr then, Sarada."
"I-"
But he was already gone.
It was the image of dark-haired, green-eyed children that made her realize that their future together was impossible.
She was with ChouChou and Sumire then. They were sitting in a café, enjoying a rare day out together. Lately, it had become increasingly difficult for them to meet up, with her being the Hokage, ChouChou getting more involved in her clan's business and Sumire preparing for her wedding with Boruto. This outing was the result of multiple failed attempts and ChouChou finally fed up and just dragged them to the café one day.
The conversation had strayed to the topic of children, as ChouChou started asking Sumire whether she and Boruto planned to have kids anytime soon. Naturally, the young woman had blushed ten shades of red.
"Well…we haven't…haven't really talked about it…" she muttered.
"You at least have some practices with the process of baby-making, no?" ChouChou teased, eyebrows waggling suggestively. She was clearly enjoying seeing her friend squirmed.
"Urgh, cut it out, Chou! I don't want to hear about Boruto's sex life. Bad mental image," Sarada groaned, and then added hastily, "No offense, Sumire."
The purple-haired woman smiled. "It's alright, Sarada-chan."
"What about you then, Hokage-sama?" ChouChou smirked. "You and Shikadai-"
"We are just dating!"
"Yeah, for two years already! Surely you have thought about the future."
Sarada couldn't deny that she had, multiple times. She had briefly entertained the notion of her and Shikadai getting married, moving in together and start a family, but those notions were all swept under the rug as she tried to juggle her multiple responsibilities. It was only then, sitting with her friends, that the image of their children appeared inside her mind.
Black haired and green-eyed kids. Or blonde. Or pink. Bearing the insignia of…
Sarada stopped short. Bearing the insignia of which clan? The Uchiha's, or the Nara's?
Traditionally, upon marriage, the wife became a member of the husband's clan. She took his name, and so were their children. If they got married, then she would become Nara Sarada and their future kids would bear the insignia of the Nara clan on their clothes. Shikadai was the heir, which made it even more important for him.
But she was also the heir, to the Uchiha clan - a clan that up until that moment only had three members and only one who could carry on the name. Her husband would have to take her name and their children would bear the insignia of the Uchiha clan. If Shikadai married her, he could no longer be a Nara.
Sarada felt her stomach drop.
They were both heirs to their clans. They were both tied to the responsibility of becoming clan heads one day and continuing their names.
Would that mean, then, that any future with black-haired, green eyed children couldn't exist?
Every time, she stared at the door long after he was gone. Shouldn't there be some satisfaction to doing the right thing?
Why was it that it had to hurt this much?
"Better to quit while we were ahead." That was what she had told him. End the relationship before it got to the point where they couldn't let go.
Sarada wondered if she had already gone past it.
End?
