I have never fallen in love.
But I know love will come to me slowly.
I know I have yet to fall in love.
But then, why this heart is aching?
A Tale from Thelua
[12] fall
She was expressionless. Every blink of her eyes made tears running down her cheek, quickly descending to her jaw and fell into her nightgown. She felt the hand around her tightened and she held his gaze. There was something in those onyx eyes, something that was not there when they talked, something that stirred so suddenly when her teary eyes met his. There was a touch on her shoulder and suddenly she was pulled into him.
Warmth enveloped her as a pair of strong arms enfolded her back and locked her in place. Her arms hung limp at her sides as her bare feet stumbled at the sudden pull. Her cheek pressed against a hard chest and she could hear the beating heart of his. There was a faint scent of cinnamon from him that she couldn't help but breathe it in. All went still for a moment. She could only hear the constant beating of his heart.
The arms on her back shifted and a hand made its way across her slender shoulder. She was pulled even closer to him, closer to his beating heart. Slowly, her hands reached into the hem of his white shirt before settling on grasping the fabric on his back.
"I'm sorry," the apology he whispered was muffled as he nuzzled against her shoulder. Her grasp on his shirt grew tighter and something in her chest clenched in desperation. It hurt her when he apologized, it hurt her at the fact that he knew she was hurting.
She bit her lower lips as to prevent the sobs from breaking out, as tears were falling more freely and wet his shirt. His apology rang in her ears, his hug was warm, his heartbeat was loud in her ears.
"Natsu," she called between sobs, "please, be honest with me."
She pushed him slowly and wiped her eyes. She couldn't manage to see him, not in this state. Thus, she hid her face behind her hands as she felt his hand on her forearm, keeping her within arm-reach. She looked at him through the gap of her fingers, caught a frown and knitted eyebrows that etched his face. He looked past her hand, straight into her eyes, and nodded.
"Lisanna," she started, her voice muffled, "you still love her, didn't you?"
There was a slight shift of his jaw clenching, the muscle of his neck contracting, and his lips trembling. For a moment, she thought he wanted to turn away from her. She would let him if it could make it easier for him, but he didn't. When he spoke to reply to her, however, it didn't come out with a strong voice, but rather, it sounded like a tired sigh.
"I do."
Of course, he does.
She was just making sure. She knew what his answer would be but hearing it straight from his mouth relieved her. There was no pain in her chest, but the hands that held her on her forearms were trembling. Natsu had been brave and strong. He was being honest with her now and that was enough.
"But," he continued with a stronger voice. Lucy removed her hand from her face slowly and looked at him. "I will be faithful to you. Only you."
Faithful. Lucy remembered how she promised her faithfulness to him back on the first day of the party. It was bold of her, but she didn't regret it. He had said nothing of it. They had silence surrounding them and she wondered if he felt the same. And now she knew the answer.
"Why?" she questioned. "If your heart belongs to Lisanna, then why having your faithful to me?"
"No. My heart is no one's," he retorted.
"Then why would you go that far if you are still loving her?"
There was a small smile on his face. "Because I want you. Because I want to know more about you. Because I decided that I want to fall in love with you."
The warmth was enveloping her again and she was at a loss of words. The hold against her back was stronger than before and she was once again lost in the scent of cinnamon. His heart that used to beat softly was now beating quickly, like a moderato that slowly turned into allegro.
Once again, all went still, and Lucy felt like she was basking in the sun. His hug was warm, and it was different from how her father used to hug her. She felt herself relaxing in his warmth as her arms once again, tugging the back of his shirt. The beating heart of hers matched his tempo, and she wondered as she closed her eyes if this was all hers.
"I don't want to become her replacement," her voice was muffled as she spoke.
There was a chuckle from him. He knew exactly who she meant by 'her'. "Who said you were?"
"It was implied…"
"Is Lisanna my wife now?"
"…No."
His hold was released from her and he guided her to the bed. She saw him smiling as she sat on the edge of the bed, looking questioningly at him. He walked to the other side, turned off the lights, and sat with his back facing her.
"Then, it's clear."
Neither of them said anything after that, as they lie on the bed, sharing the blanket, avoiding each other's eyes. Outside was still raining, and the shorthand of the clock was pointing the number eleven while the longer one rested on top of the number two. She didn't know that much time had passed as they talked.
Lucy rolled to her side, feeling the coldness as she clasped her hand together. She never thought that it would turn like this. It wasn't a regret that she was feeling nor was it an uneasiness. She told herself repeatedly that it was all over, the misunderstanding between them, the story of his past. It was just as he said; it was clear.
Sleep came in the pace of a snail and she tried to clear her mind to sleep. She wasn't thinking of anything in particular, but, somehow, her mind was buzzing noisily. Her eyes were wide open, and the pitter-patter of the rain was filling her ears. She couldn't sleep.
At least it's not a thunderstorm.
Lucy thought of Wendy. The poor girl was afraid of thunder and if the rain turned into one, maybe she should go and sleep with Wendy instead. It wasn't uncomfortable to have him sleeping with her, but she supposed she had to get used to the feeling of having someone else in the room. It wasn't easy. Lucy was afraid she might kick him again in her sleep because she was restless.
An arm rested across her waist and suddenly his presence behind her grew stronger. She felt her hair tugged gently and there was a breath of relief came from him. It was the third time that he played with her hair, twirling his finger around it, combing through it. But it was the first time that he took a scent of it.
"Aren't you going to kick me?"
She wanted to turn at him, to see if he was smirking just like how it showed in his voice. But his voice was so close to her ears, a deep baritone voice whispered into her ears and she felt her face heated up. There was a small gap between them, but she could feel the familiar warmth from him.
"No, I'm too tired," she lied.
"Is that so." She knew he wasn't going to believe her easily.
There was steady breathing that came from him not long after that. His one arm was still resting across her waist and honestly, Lucy was too tired to put the arm away. She was tired, she needed rest, but sleep didn't come. It didn't help that he seemed to be holding onto her, making her unable to get up to get some water.
She gave up, then. Brown eyes tiringly blinking slowly, mind shoving away any thoughts that might prevent her to sleep and focused on breathing steadily. By the fifth inhale, she felt him pulling her closer that her back was directly touching his chest and his face almost buried in her hair. There was an urge to scream, to broke free from his hold and march into Wendy's room.
But she liked how warm he was.
She recounted their argument a while ago. It wasn't exactly an argument, but she was too tired to think of any of the proper terms. He was doing all the talking, just as she wished, explaining in a bold manner, cutting straight to the point as if he knew she could care less about the minor details. Maybe it wasn't because he knew she didn't like it. Maybe it was because the memory would hurt him if he recalled any more than that. Either way, she was fine with that. All she needed was clarity.
And she realized that she jumped to the conclusion recklessly. That was her fault, that was all caused by her cowardice. But then, all had turned well for her and his part, that was why she could think as such. Maybe not in this universe, but maybe in another universe, even if she was being brave and asked him, if the fact was different from how he saw her right now, then she would be hurting more. She would be dragged into their suffering as well.
If she had to choose between knowing and not knowing, regarding this matter, she was glad that she chose to know it all. She was glad that she asked. She was glad that she was being brave.
"Because I decided that I want to fall in love with you."
That line almost reminded her of the part where Jules declared his love to Estelle. That line almost had her rooted to the spot where she stood, stopped her heart, and tears fell to her cheek. When he hugged her for the second time, her reaction was as slow as the first one. It took her several seconds later to reach into his back, relaxing in his hold, and concentrating on his beating heart.
The warmth was the same as the one that she felt on her back right now. The scent was the same as the one she caught from his sleeping figure. She could feel herself slowly relaxing the tense muscle, to succumb to the softness of the pillow, to unconsciously searching for the tempo of his heartbeat. Sleep was touching her eyelids and it slowly grew heavier. By the time she closed her eyes, there was one lingering thought that floated around her mind.
She had fallen for him.
this will be the last chapter before i'm going on hiatus ^^
school started and i will be busy with it so i'm pausing it here. i will be back around may or june and will continue this story until the end that i've planned. i hope you enjoyed reading this story! thank you so much for taking your time reading this story and i really appreciate your support!