A Million Miles Apart

A/N: Chapter update! I know I said that I would include April and Casey in this chapter, but honestly I couldn't fit them in. And I decided that they would give the turtles and splinter time to deal with the pain, rather then come to lair and think they're all better after just a few days. But don't worry; I will have them in the story soon!

Now, this is more of an honest, pure, innocent question. I am not trying to force anyone out there to do anything, but if any you out there is good at drawing or creating pictures (like fanart) would you be so kind as to maybe, just maybe, consider making a cover for this story, or maybe even draw certain scenes from chapters? I would love for this to at the very least have it's own cover picture. Now, I'm not gonna ask you to make a pic for every chapter, but it's mostly for people who would like it, to see how my vision of the characters look, and not just in their heads. If you're interested, please send me a PM, and we'll come to some agreement.

Hope you'll enjoy this chapter and please review, favorite and follow!

Chapter 8, The Loss Of A Loved One

The last few days had been very quiet, which was really unusual for us. In fact, had the situation been different, I would probably enjoy every second of it. But things weren't like they were supposed to be. Our lives had been turned upside down in just a matter of hours, and I wasn't so sure that I even wanted to get out of bed today. Or any day at all, for that matter. The only reason that I was up today was because my younger brothers needed me present and not lying around, feeling sorry for myself.

Ever since our discussion at breakfast yesterday, we had all been extra quiet and had done our own things to try and deal with the loss of our brother. Raph had been glued to his training dummy and had been punching it non-stop 24/7, trying to get rid of all his anger, frustration and grief. Mikey was currently lying on his stomach, sprawled out on the couch with his head on a pillow, staring blankly at the TV screen as the SRMFG cartoon was playing. But I don't really think he was paying attention to it at all. And as for me, I was just leaving the dojo. I had gotten Master Splinter some tea, and now I wasn't sure of what I was supposed to do. I had already dismissed the thought of doing some extra training. I tried a little after breakfast, but I just couldn't focus on the moves, or the form, or anything. And I just didn't feel like joining Mikey and watching TV with him, and Raph clearly showed he wanted to be left alone.

I slowly walked towards my room and closed the door behind me. Maybe a bit of reading might help? I walked up to my bookshelf and ran my finger over the books, trying to find something interesting to read. The Book of Five Rings? Nah, I've read that so many times before. Lord of the rings? A classic, but not really what I wanted to read at the moment. The Book Thief? Definitely not, it was about a girl who lost her family! My eyes fell on a book that I didn't recognize as my own. It was a tattered book, and the title was hard to read, but I could still make it out, even though it took a while. I could read the author's name rather easily, Stephen King. And the title was just one word, Carrie.

"Oh yeah, now I remember..." I mumbled to myself. Donnie had found this book a few months back when it fell down through the sewer grate. He had been glued to it for about a week and had by that time finished it, and after that I had seen him re-read it quite a few times. After seeing him reading through it for the sixth time, I had gotten curious about what was so good about it since it didn't have anything to do with science or math, so I has asked him to lend it to me. But I had never gotten to read it, and only now did I question why. I shrugged and thought, why not? I began to pull out the book, but then a thick, brown leather book fell from the shelf and hit the floor with a *thud* and landed with the pages opened wide. I looked down at the book in surprise, pushed Carrie back onto the shelf and bent down to grab the other book and put it back on its place on the shelf. After I had put the book back on the shelf, I grabbed Donnie's book and walked out into the living room again.

Raph was still punching the dummy and was covered in sweat. I stopped for a second to look at him and I saw that he was fighting back his emotions and his tears, and while I felt a pang of sympathy for him, I knew better than to try and comfort him right now. The best I thing could do was to let him come to me instead of the other way around. Mikey was still lying on the couch with the same cartoon still on TV and in the same position as earlier, so I sat down beside him and placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Hey. How're you holding up, bro?" Mikey didn't look up at me, nor did he acknowledge me at all. He just stared at the screen with dull eyes.

"I'm fine. Just tired." I knew he was lying and that he was trying to keep us from worrying about him, but he should know we would do anything to help him. I squeezed his shoulder and that made him look up at me.

"Mikey. You don't have to pretend, we all feel the same way." Mikey sighed softly, closed his eyes tightly, then quickly buried his face in the pillow and whimpered into it. It took a few seconds for me to realize that his whimpering was crying, but when I did, I was quick to place my hand on his shell and rub it comfortingly.

"I- I feel awful! I- I just miss him, Leo! I miss him so much!" He started to sob loudly into the pillow, placing his arms underneath it so he could easier press his face deeper into the soft materials. I could hear as well as see in the corner of my eye that Raph had stopped punching the practice dummy and turned towards us. I gathered Mikey into my arms and he hugged me back as hard as he could. I dropped the book and hugged Mikey as hard as I could and rubbed his shell softly. Mikey sobbed into my shoulder and hugged me so tightly I almost couldn't breathe, but I let him hold onto me for as long as he needed to.

"I- I can't stop thinking about him! He must have thought that we hated him! And we'll never see him, ever again!" Mikey sobbed hysterically into my neck and I felt tears of my own start to form in my eyes.

"I know, Mikey. I know." I said, my voice cracking, and nuzzled my face into Mikey's neck and bit my lip to try and keep the tears away. My little brother's tears were soaking my neck and shoulder, but I didn't feel it at all. And even if I did, I didn't care. Mikey continued to sob.

"I just wish I could go back to that fight we had and just try to fix everything, to stop us arguing and to stop us from being jerks! But I can't, and now Donnie'll think that we hate him and that we don't care and that we-!"

"Shut up!" Raph yelled, his voice cracking, and I could almost hear the tears that fell down his cheeks. Both Mikey and I turned to our brother, who stood completely still, had his fists clenched and his eyes red from the tears. I could see that he was trying so hard to keep himself from breaking down sobbing, so hard that his body was shaking with the effort.

"Just shut up, Mikey." This time he spoke softly, made his way towards us, and sat down on the couch beside me. It was rare for Raph to be wise, judicious, or just calm, but he had his moments when he could be, and I could see that he was about to get fully serious about what he was about to say.

"Look, you guys know I don't really believe in the afterlife, or that people go to Heaven or Hell when they die, but if Donnie really is dead, and it really does exist- some sort of afterlife- and Donnie's gone there and can see us, then I think he would see how we cope without him. I think that he somehow knows, whether he's alive or not, that we're sad because he's gone, and has forgiven us. Somehow." Raph had kept his head down the whole time.

"Do you? Do you really believe that, Raph? In all honesty?" I tried to not sound like I was accusing him or sound like I doubted him, and Raph did look up and straight into my eyes, as if to see what I really thought. After a while he sighed, shrugged my hand off and dried his nose with his hand. And now both Mikey and I could see that he had a very hard time trying to fight off the tears and the sobs.

"Honestly? No, no I don't. But that's what I try to make myself believe. I keep trying to assure myself that that's what Donnie is thinking of us right now, whether he really is dead or not. But I just can't believe it, no matter how much I want to." Raph suddenly gave in and let his tears fall, even though he was still trying to stop himself. I was about to wrap my arms around him, but Mikey was quicker than me. He ran out of my arms and threw his arms around Raph's shoulders, nuzzled his face into his neck and sat down on his lap, like a child. Usually Raph would just push him down on the floor, but for now he let Mikey hug him, and wrapped his arms around Mikey. I scooted closer to my brothers and hugged them both closer to me as a stream of tears ran down my cheeks and I bit my lip to try and keep myself from sobbing. I needed to be strong for my little brothers, not cry like a baby in front of them anytime they cried.

"My sons." We all looked up and towards the door to the dojo, where Master Splinter was standing with his arms folded behind his back, his eyes red from crying and both his ears and whiskers hanging, showing us his spirits were just as low as ours. He was trying to sound calm and collected, but his voice was shaky, cracking slightly, like he would start to cry again any second now.

"My sons, I have come to a decision, or a suggestion, I should say. When we feel the time is ready, we should have a memorial ceremony for Donatello. So that his soul may rest in peace, or somehow sense that we will remember him, should he be alive." Hm, that sounded like a pretty good idea. If Donnie now is dead, which is more likely than the alternative, the least we could do, as his family, was to give him as good of a funeral as we could. I turned to Mikey and Raph, who had now let go of each other.

"Well, I think it sounds like a great idea. It's the least we can do; I mean, we're his family. He should have some sort of funeral, or memory ceremony, or whatever we should call it. What do you think?" Raph bit his lip in thought and Mikey hummed. After a while they both nodded and we looked up at Master Splinter again.

"Yeah, that sounds like something we really should do. Donnie deserves it!" Mikey said with a bit more enthusiasm this time; he sounded a little happier now. But not entirely. Raph nodded too and placed his arm around Mikey's shoulders.

"Yeah, he does. But maybe we could wait a little, just for us to get used to Donnie being... you know, gone. And who knows? Maybe he'll show up, somehow. Somewhere. Donnie's smart, maybe he'll figure a way back home to us." He said with such hope that I couldn't bring myself to say that it probably wouldn't happen. I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news again. Splinter looked down at the floor and took a deep, shaky breath, and stroked his beard while thinking over Raph's words. When he looked up again, he tried to smile.

"Yes, perhaps, Raphael. Perhaps. Now, I will go and meditate. No training tonight." He turned around and walked back to the dojo. The three of us looked at each other in concern. Splinter had cancelled every training session since yesterday morning and I had a feeling why. Seeing only the three of us instead of four would only make it harder for him to deal with the loss. I sighed sadly, looked down at the floor and noticed the book that I had dropped when Mikey had started cry in my arms. I bent down and grabbed it, opened it and skimmed through the pages. It looked a little tattered and the cover looked ready to fall off, so I had to be careful with it. Raph noticed the book I had in my hand and peered at the title over my shoulder.

"'Carrie'? Isn't that the book Donnie read all the way through in less than a week? The one he keeps re-reading when he's bored?" I nodded and closed the book. I decided to read it a little later, maybe when I went to bed tonight.

"He told me it's his favorite book that's pure fiction and not scientific or all about facts. I don't remember entirely, but I think it's about a bullied teenage girl, who's abused by her crazy mother and then develops telekinesis." Mikey and Raph looked at me with confused looks on their faces and I shrugged. "Yeah, I don't know, I didn't write it. I borrowed it a while back; since Donnie had read it so many times I thought maybe I could give it a shot. Haven't read it yet, though. Figured now might be a good time." Raph and Mikey nodded and we all looked away from each other, trying to think of something to say. Mikey shrugged lightly and looked up at us, with uninterested eyes and a plastic smile.

"So... anybody hungry?" He asked with very little enthusiasm and it was clear he was just trying to strike up a new conversation or just say something, no matter how stupid it sounded. None of us had had much of an appetite for the last few days and every meal had barely been touched. But we knew we had to eat sometime, no matter how unappetizing it felt at the moment. I patted Mikey on the shoulder and stood up.

"Sure, let's go and eat something." We all stood, albeit reluctantly, and walked towards the kitchen.

A/N: And there's a filler chapter done and we get to see the turtles and a little bit of Splinter in this chapter!

Okay, so some of you may have noticed by now that I have a bit of a thing with Stephen King and some of his stories, most notably his first story, Carrie. I can't help it, I just love that story, and I have plans for future chapters that will have a connection to that story, and no I won't say more than that. And honestly, I can see Donnie actually liking this story, and maybe identify with Carrie White, you know with him being a bit bullied by his brothers and Casey and his crush not really noticing him (the way he wants her too anyway) and the adult of the story not really doing much to help. But that might just be me.

Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter and please review, favorite and follow! G'night everybody!