A Million Miles Apart

A/N: Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad! Buon Natale! Joyeux Noël! Fröhliche Weihnachten! God Jul! I hope you all have a wonderful holiday, 'cause I sure am! I'm done with all presents, the candy's in the making and we have a Christmas tree ready as well! I'd say we're all ready for Christmas to come!

And here's my last Christmas gift- a chapter for you! And it's focusing on family and togetherness, even in hard times! Sounds good, right? And with this chapter, I want to wish you all a wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year! Thank you all for reading this story and for reviewing, favoriting and following me and my stories. It means so much to me, and I hope you'll want to keep reading next year as well.

Well, Merry Christmas again! Hope you'll like this chapter and please review, favorite and follow!

Chapter 23, He will live on in our memories

Today was a somber day. If it were raining, I would not be the least bit surprised. The boys had been more quiet than usual since they woke up, and Raphael in particular had been more testy than he had been for the past ten days since- well, since Donatello left us. Michelangelo had reddened eyes and was constantly trying to wipe away persistent tears. Leonardo had said nothing since he came out of his room with a slumped posture and eyes that were in another world. Any other day I would not have let my sons act like this, but today was an exception. They deserved to let their emotions control them today.

We had invited April and Casey over for a short memorial ceremony in honor of Donatello and his life and everything he had done. It had been a painfully short life for him- barely enough time to spend time together as father and son, for the boys to just be brothers and for us all to be a family. But, sadly, everything good or wonderful must come to an end at some point in life. But why did it have to happen so soon? I had always feared this- that one of my sons would lose their life because of everything that they faced in their fights against the Kraang and the Shredder, as well as mutants and the countless other threats that existed in this city. And now it had finally happened. And the pain has been unbearable for ten days straight.

"Master Splinter?" I looked up from the picture in my hands and saw Michelangelo standing in the door to my room with concerned eyes that were still red. "We're done decorating the dojo now, and April and Casey texted us. They'll be here any second. Are you... are you coming out?" I sighed. I had barely left this room since I had heard the news, and I was ashamed to say that I hadn't thought much of the rest of my family. But now I knew that they needed me, and I needed them. I needed to be reminded that there were still some things in my life that I could live for.

"Yes, my son. I will join you in a moment. Just give me a minute, please. I need to collect myself." Michelangelo nodded, backed out of my room and closed the door softly behind him. I took a breath and looked down at the picture in my hands- the picture of a six-year-old Donatello, surrounded by his books and tools, two thick cables, a frustrated look on his face and his tongue sticking out of his mouth. Two small tears found their way from my eyes and landed on my precious little Donatello, wetting the image but not ruining it.

"Donatello, my little boy, I miss you so. And so do your brothers, your friends, and everybody you left an impact on. I hope that you know, wherever you are now, that I will always have a place for you in my heart. I love you, and I will never forget you, my child." I put the photo down and stood up again. As I left the room and walked out into the dojo, I couldn't help but scan over the room with a sick feeling in my stomach. I knew I had to move on and start to train the others again. It was going to be hard to see an empty spot where Donatello was supposed to be training alongside his family like he had always done. But it had to be done, and things had to go back to how they had used to be. Or, at least as close to normal as they could ever be.

I looked out over the dojo with a less distracted eye as I shook myself out of the haze of sorrow and grief- and it was a very beautiful sight. White lilies, orchids and roses that April had gotten for us were spread over the walls and the floor; there were even some purple flowers as well, scattered throughout the kaleidoscope of magnificent colors. Candles were lit, giving the room a nice atmosphere- yet, at the same time, a somber air as well; one that unmistakably belonged to a funeral. The boys hadn't decorated much, but the little that was there was more than enough to make me feel sad- like I was at an actual human funeral. And, beside the photo of my wife and daughter that I so cherished, was a picture of Donatello, smiling his wide, gap-toothed smile with an unparalleled happiness in his big brown eyes. It almost brought me to tears again to see his beautiful smile.

Leonardo and Raphael were helping each other put some flowers up in the tree, but when they saw me outside of my room, they hurried to finish what they were doing and came over to me. They were very cautious, as if they thought I was emotionally unstable and were just making sure I wouldn't retreat back to my room at the slightest provocation.

"Sensei? Are you alright? I mean, you haven't left your room in several days." Leonardo asked the question very mildly and I could tell that he was trying very hard not to upset me. I smiled wearily at him and stroked his cheek with the back of my hand.

"I am fine, Leonardo; thank you for asking. I am simply a little... distraught, that's all." I looked over at Raphael, wrapped one arm around him and the other around Leonardo, and pulled them close to me. "I need you boys to help me through this. If I don't start training you tomorrow, then you have to promise to drag me out of my room. Otherwise I will never get through this. Promise me that." Both Leonardo and Raphael stared at me as if I was crazy, shared an uncertain glance, and then looked up at me again.

"We, uh, promise, Master Splinter." Leonardo agreed, and then a small ding from his belt made him break eye contact and take out his T-Phone. He looked at it for a second and then looked up again.

"April and Casey just got here, and April says she has the flowers we wanted for the altar. I'll go get them." He left the room and closed the door. Michelangelo entered seconds later with two medium sized candles in both hands. He approached the photo of Donatello and placed the candles on each side of the frame, then lit them.

"There. I think everything's done now, Master Splinter." I smiled and walked up to him, placing my hands on his shoulders.

"You have all done well, my sons. I am thankful for having you all here to help me see that there are still things I want to live for. Thank you." My two remaining sons smiled at me, but I saw small tears forming in their eyes as well. Michelangelo buried his face in my chest and tried to hold back his sobs. Raphael folded his arms over his chest and looked away from us. He still held onto the hope that Donatello was still alive, so he was against this event with every fiber of his being. However, he still wanted to be here and honor his brother's memory. I sighed, shook my head at my hotheaded son and instead focused on comforting my youngest boy, who still struggled against his overwhelming grief.

Leonardo walked in through the door to the dojo again, with April and Casey following behind him. April had exchanged her yellow t-shirt and shorts with a black dress that went down to her knees and her yellow headband was replaced with a black one, and she had also let her hair out of her usual ponytail. She still had her leggings and her boots though. Casey hadn't changed his clothes, but he still looked more sympathetic than usual. Donatello hadn't really made friends with Casey as well as the others, but they still had an understanding between each other and they still cared for each other as friends. And he clearly felt sad that one of his friends had lost his life.

"Hey, Master Splinter. It's nice to see you again." April walked up and smiled at me. I returned the smile and placed my unoccupied arm around her. She immediately wrapped her arms around me as well and nuzzled her face into my robe next to Michelangelo. She had been like a daughter to me since I had gotten to know her, and while her father had been kidnapped by the Kraang she had talked to me and looked to me as if I was her surrogate father.

"Thank you, April, for everything you have gotten for this day. These flowers and the candles are beautiful. Thank you." She nodded, pulled away from my robe and dried her eyes a little. Still, small tears managed to slip through her eyelids and down her cheeks. Casey placed his arm around her and she leaned into his embrace as more tears fell from her eyes. He looked up at me with sympathy, and his usual cocky attitude and self-confidence were nowhere to be seen.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Master Splinter. For all of you." I smiled at him, placed my hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eyes.

"Thank you, Casey. My family appreciates your concern." He nodded and then glanced over at Raphael, who still stood by the wall with his arms folded over his chest, and looked down at the floor with a stubborn scowl. He gently let go of April and walked over to my son while Leonardo came to me with a small bouquet of flowers. Last night all of my sons, April, and Casey had gone through web pages to find flowers with symbolism that fitted the situation and who it was that they wanted to give the flowers to. Leonardo started to hand out a flower to each one in the room and then kept one to himself. He turned to April and smiled softly.

"Thanks, April." She nodded, dried her eyes and cheeks and clutched the flower in her hand, a yellow rose that she said symbolized friendship and sent a joyful message to the one it was given to.

"The website said that it's meant to be given to your best friend; it's symbol of friendship and it says 'Hey, thank you for being you'. Isn't it beautiful?" She sniffed the yellow flower before she walked up to the photo of Donatello. Her smile faded, another tear fell from her eye and she placed the flower on the altar.

"Thank you for being my friend, Donnie. No one will ever be as good a friend as you have been to me, and I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you for everything you've done for me. I'll miss you." She kissed the tips of two of her fingers and then gently pressed them against the photo, then backed away from the altar again. Casey placed his arm around her gently before he took a few steps forward and looked at the photo.

"Hey, Donnie. I know that you and I haven't exactly gotten along that well, and that you don't have a lot in common with me, but I'd still like to think that we were good friends. You always amazed me with everything you could do. So, I got you this flower- a purple orchid. My dad said that it symbolizes respect and admiration, 'cause you always blew me away with everything you built, even if I didn't always make life easy for you." He placed his flower on the altar and backed away from it. He walked up to April and hugged her close as she let her tears fall.

Michelangelo was next to step forward, and in his hand was a Sunflower, which I believe I heard was a symbol for loyalty. He stepped up to the altar as well and fingered the big yellow petals. He had tears falling from his eyes, yet he didn't try to stop or hide them.

"Hey, D; what's up? Heh, you know, up in Heaven. Eh, I hope that you are in Heaven, anyway." He shook his head and cleared his throat. "Sorry. So, uh… anyway, I really, really miss you. And I really miss how you were always there for me- even if I always annoyed you or broke your stuff and experiments. And no matter how much we annoyed you or disrespected you, you always came through and helped us. So here's a sunflower. I read that it symbolizes loyalty, so I thought it would fit." His voice started to crack and he quickly put the flower down on the altar running back and throwing himself into Leonardo's arms. Leonardo quickly wrapped his arms around his younger brother and patted him on the shell as he started to cry.

Raphael stepped away from the wall where he had stood up until now and twirled the flower in his fingers, a pink carnation. He tentatively walked up to the altar and glanced over his shoulder at us with dislike and a little hesitation in his eyes. Then he rolled his eyes and looked back at the photo of his younger brother, sighing.

"Okay, look, Donnie. I'm still really against this idea since I really think that you're still out there, somewhere, alive. But I'd still like to give you something that shows that I care about you. Donnie, you've always done so much for me- for everyone, really- without asking for anything in return. Not even a thank you. And that feels wrong, at least to me. So, I'll give you this. Yeah yeah, I know- it's a pink flower, big deal! Go ahead and make fun! But besides that, the flower means gratitude- and I hope it's enough to show you how thankful I am to have had you as a brother." He placed the flower between April's and Michelangelo's flowers, then stepped back from the photo and stood beside Leonardo, folding his arms over his chest and trying to ignore the tears that fell from his eyes. He then looked over at Leonardo, nudged him on the shoulder and nodded towards the altar.

Leonardo gently let go of Michelangelo and stepped forward. He bore a blue flower with slightly purple petals. He looked up at the picture of Donatello.

"Donnie, I have no idea how to say this, but I'll try to anyway. You have to be the most good-hearted, strong-willed and optimistic person I've ever met, and I took advantage of that. I really hope that this flower can at least help you consider forgiving me. It's a Hydrangea; it symbolizes heartfelt emotions as well as perseverance. My emotions are genuine and heartfelt, and you've always amazed me with your own perseverance. Hopefully it'll be enough to show you how sorry I am for not being there for you like I should have been- like you always were for me." He placed the flower and rejoined his brothers. I took a deep breath. Now it was my turn, and it was going to be hard.

I approached the altar and looked the picture of my son straight in the eyes, clutching the flower in my hand a little tighter, and then began to speak.

"Donatello, my son. Ever since the day you gazed on me with your intelligent eyes, you've never ceased to amaze me. Your intelligence outdid my own when you were only six. You built your lab all on your own, with nothing but things you found in the garbage and the junkyard. But that's not what I found most fascinating about you. Your strength and will to live always drove you to succeed in almost everything you did. So now, I give you a Lotus: the symbol of beauty amongst so much ugliness, which I've always seen in you and your brothers, but also because of your strength and lust for life. I also hope it will give you ascension." I took a deep breath to try and fight off tears. "I- I love you, my child." I went to my sons and placed my arms around them- my only remaining children. They leaned into my embrace, and April and Casey gave us some space to let us grieve in peace.

After we all had grieved to the point where we felt done, we all went to the kitchen to drink some tea and eat some cake. April had brought it over and said we could eat after the Memorial Ceremony. She also said we could just talk about Donnie and how we had seen him before. We were currently sitting at the table, eating a little and just talking, sometimes even laughing a little. Well, all of us except for Raph, who wasn't talking at all and just poked the cake with his spoon.

"You know, I've always admired how he always saw the bright side of things, and that, no matter how dark the situation was, he'd always try to make things better, however he could. I don't think I've ever met somebody so optimistic." April said with a smile on her face, and even though it looked like she still had tears in her eyes, she seemed happy. Leo nodded and swallowed some tea.

"Yeah. Remember all those times when he tried to be funny, even though his jokes were always terrible- and he knew it?" I nodded and ate some more cake.

"I wish I had laughed more. Or, at the very least, tried to laugh- even if it was hard." Leo nodded with a soft laugh and April placed her hand over mine.

"Yeah, me too. We all do." Casey took another bite of cake, looked thoughtful for a second and then gazed up at us again.

"Y'know, I know that Donnie and I weren't exactly best friends, or even good friends in general- but I have to admit, when he wasn't throwing insults at me, he was a very selfless person. All of his efforts went to others- to help everyone he could. I've never met a person in this city that's that concerned about other people, even those he didn't know or those that would surely never be thankful to him. I always thought that people in New York only thought of themselves. Well, at least most of them." He glanced over at April, who smiled teasingly with a raised brow. She then shook her head with a small smile and rolled her eyes at him. Master Splinter put his tea down and looked at us with tearful eyes and a very small smile.

"Mm, yes. Donatello often put the needs of others before himself, and thus put a lot of burden upon himself. Perhaps more than was necessary. But his spirit was always strong and he always meant well. His spirit will always be with us, even if he can't be here himself." Raph shook his head and shut his eyes tightly- a few small tears managed to slip through, anyway, and then he slammed his clenched fist on the table, making everybody jump out of their seats and stare at him.

"Will you STOP saying that?! Donnie's not gone forever- I know he's not! I know Donnie, and he would never let the Kraang take him down that easily! Especially not with something as simple as their stupid portal! He'll come home, I just know he will!" Leo leaned over the table and placed his hand on Raph's shoulder, but Raph just shook it off and glared up at us. Before Leo could say anything to placate, Casey interrupted.

"Raph, man, give it a rest. We all know you're not gonna stop hoping that Donnie'll come home, but that doesn't mean that the rest of us will believe in the impossible." Raph's eyes widened, and for a moment, I thought he was gonna cry. Then he got up from his chair and ran out of the room.

"Raphael!" Master Splinter stood up, ready to follow him, but I placed my hand on his arm, stopping him from leaving.

"No, Sensei. I'll go and talk to him. I think he just needs somebody to listen to him right now." I got out of my chair without waiting for an answer and ran after Raph.

I found him in the living room; I guess he didn't feel like going topside today. I sat down beside him and saw that he had tears freely flowing down his face.

"Raph?" He looked at me and his grief-stricken look turned into one of distrust and anger. He didn't like it that I was here, but I didn't care. It really looked like he needed somebody right now.

"Whaddaya want? Are you going to tell me I'm wrong, too? Tell me to give up on what I believe is true?" I shook my head and placed my arm around his shoulders.

"Nah, bro. You just look like you need somebody to listen to you and be there for you right now. I don't really know, but it looks like to me like you've been fighting alone with what you think for quite some time. Especially since the rest of us more or less think the same thing. Am I right?" Raph looked at me, surprised. He bit his lip, turned away and wiped his hand over his eyes.

"Mikey, you know when Spike got mutated and ran away before we could take care of him, and now he's out there, fighting the Kraang?" I nodded and he kept talking. "Well, after we had gone home that night, I had this feeling in my gut- like, really deep down. A feeling that wanted Spike to be alright and that made me hope that he was really going to be okay, and even though he had done awful things, I just knew he was okay. You know what I'm saying?" I smiled. I did know that feeling. Well, okay, I hadn't personally felt it, but I knew what he was talking about. So I nodded and hugged his shoulders a little tighter.

"Dude, I totally get what you're talking about. I'm real good with emotions and feelings and stuff!" I lost the happy smile and tried to look a bit more like an adult, still supportive. "And I totally understand that you want Donnie to be okay. I do, too- believe me, I do! But there's a difference between believing and trying to convince yourself. And I think it sounds more like you're trying to convince yourself that Donnie's alive, rather than the rest of us." Raph's head snapped up to glare at me sharply, as if offended.

"I am not!" I raised an eyebrow at him and he suddenly looked a bit unsure. "Maybe a little? Oh, okay! So maybe I am trying to convince myself that what I'm saying is true, but still! There's a feeling in my gut that tells me he's okay. You know that emptiness I said I felt after Spike had escaped and disappeared into the city? It's not there this time! My head tells me to move on and accept that Donnie's gone, but every other fiber in my body tells me to believe- to hope! Please, Mikey; you understand, don't you?" I knew that Splinter and Leo would most likely tell him that it wasn't healthy to keep holding onto this delusion, but something inside of me told me not to say it. But suddenly I knew just what to say.

"Raph, I understand that you want to believe in what you feel, but you can't lose sight of us. We're your family, too, you know. And right now, there are only three of us, and we have to keep an eye on each other. Hope all you want, but don't lose track of what you have right now, okay?" He looked at me with agonized green eyes and bit his lip as tears started to fall once more. And then, out of nowhere, he threw his arms around me and started to bawl into my shoulder like a little child. I had no idea how to react, but after a few seconds -that felt more like hours- I wrapped my arms around him and stroked the back of his head gently.

"It's okay; it's okay, bro. Just let it out, I won't judge you. No one will judge you just because you feel stuff." Raph wrapped his arms tighter around my neck and nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck. We sat there for a while and I just let him hug me and cry for as long as he wanted and needed. After a while he pulled away from me and wiped his eyes.

"Sorry, Mikey. I didn't mean to lose it like that. I- I just... Well, I just, eh..." I placed my hand on his shoulder and made direct eye contact.

"It's cool, bro; everybody needs to let their emotions out every now and then. I don't mind and I don't judge, and neither does any one of the others. I hope you know that and feel like you can talk to us if you feel like you need it." He nodded absentmindedly and looked down at the floor. He did this for a while before he looked up again with a small smile.

"Thanks, bro- but you won't talk about this with the others, right?" I shook my head and grinned.

"Nah, don't worry about it. I won't speak one word to anyone about what just happened. Don't you worry one bit." He smiled and nodded, and I wrapped my arm around his shoulders. "And don't you worry about Donnie. I'm sure that if Donnie is alive out there, he's fine- healthy, unharmed, and on his way here right now!"

"Oomph!" I slammed to the floor, again, and frowned grumpily up at Traximus, who had managed to tackle me to the floor for the umpteenth time. And we had only been training for about five minutes and eleven seconds! We were in the training room where I had seen Jhanna training yesterday, before I had gone to bed, and so far, my own attempt hadn't gone so well. I got to my feet again, almost fell back to the floor, then quickly got my balance back and got into a defensive position. Traximus shook his head at me and came closer, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Donatello, I have to say that I'm a bit disappointed. I attack once and you hit the floor- and then allow me to knock you down again and again. Why?" I glared up at him, placed both hands on my sides.

"Because you knock me down before I get a chance to defend myself! How am I supposed to defend myself or counter your attack when you knock me down every time?" Traximus sighed heavily and placed his hand over his eyes. He shook his head again.

"Donatello, you can't keep looking for an opening all the time! An enemy won't always give you an opening, so you have to keep fighting and keep trying. Do you understand?" I nodded and he nodded curtly back. "Good, now try again!"

I got into a defensive position and prepared myself for the attack. Suddenly, in the corner of my eye, I saw something big coming towards me. I dodged, crawled in between his legs and kicked him in the back of his head. He almost fell forward onto his knees but quickly regained his balance before he fell and swiped his arm at me. I grabbed onto his arm and then kicked him in the armpit. He lost his balance again, but he swung his horn at me and I barely had time to dodge; the tip of his horn actually grazed my nose.

"Whoa!" I went down on my knees, gently touched my nose to see if it was bleeding, then rolled out of the way just as Traximus tried to stomp on me. Wow, this guy was serious about pushing me if he was willing to stomp on me. I was about to kick him, but then he grabbed my leg and threw me into the wall, knocking the wind right out of me and leaving me gasping like a fish. Traximus approached me and extended his hand for me to grab. He helped me up and patted me on the shoulder.

"Not bad, but I still see a lot of room for improvement. Let's move on- I'd like to see how you wield your weapon." I grabbed my bo-staff from the holster on my back and showed it to him. I had switched the big metal staff I had gotten from the spacesuit room with the one I had gotten from the Arena, since it felt more like my old staff from Earth. Traximus looked it over. "Hmm, a staff-weapon? Interesting choice; simple, but also very effective if the wielder is well trained. Now, show me what you can do!" I gripped the staff tightly in my hands, focused on the things I had to do, and started. I had trained a little before Traximus had started to train with me this morning and I felt like I had gotten used to the new staff. But then, of course-

"Ow!" I accidentally smacked one end of the staff against the side of my head, and I was thrown out of my concentration and lost my balance as well. I felt a blush creep onto my cheeks and I felt ashamed that I hadn't been able to handle the weapon. I had worked with the bo-staff since I was a little kid, and now I was completely offbeat. Why? I gazed up at Traximus, who shook his head at me.

"You're thinking about other things. Things that aren't important in this matter. You have to give a hundred and ten percent or I'm afraid that this won't work. I won't train somebody who's not willing to give his all in the training. So, I ask you again: are you sure you can handle all of this?" I sighed and let my head fall backwards. Why was this so hard? What was wrong with me?

"I'm sorry, Traximus. I don't know why I can't concentrate. I want this and I want to get better at fighting, but I can't focus and I don't know why! I guess I'm still adapting, plus this weapon is a bit different from the one I'm used to. I promise that it won't happen again." He nodded slowly and placed a finger on my forehead, causing me to look up at it.

"You think too much. When you walk in here, I want you to leave your brain outside the room and just leave everything that has to do with fighting in there. Okay? Now, I think I have an idea on how to help you train. Wait here, I'll be right back." He exited, left the food area and walked into the control room. I looked around the room for a second, but there wasn't much to see. Nothing but white metal.

Traximus came back about a minute later and along with him was the Professor. They walked up to the instrument board outside the training room, and suddenly I could hear the Professor's voice.

"Okay, Donatello, I will use the Holographic Training Program to recreate your city and some of your enemies. It will take a few seconds, but I promise you, everything you see will be a hologram. A very realistic hologram. Are you ready?" I nodded and the Professor started to type on the computers. Suddenly the room changed, and the big white room turned into a rooftop in New York City, with Kraang swarming around me.

"Whoa, this is way more realistic that I thought it was gonna be." I quickly counted the Kraang to be about twenty, and they were all carrying guns. I have to admit that I did feel a bit nervous to fight the Kraang, considering what had happened the last time. I quickly had to dodge as a Kraang fired its gun at me. I got my bo-staff ready and started to whack Kraang-bots, and suddenly I had to no trouble focusing on what I had to do. I stabbed a Kraang-bot there; saw a squealing little alien crawl away from me there, and after what felt like mere seconds, all of the bots were finished. The city disappeared again and I could see the Professor and Traximus once more.

"Alright, that might have been too easy. But it seems to work wonderfully as a training method. How do you feel?" I felt excitement flow through me and I grinned manically.

"That was awesome! Such realistic holograms used for training? It's beyond anything I've seen on my planet! The tech is beyond amazing! When will all of this cease to amaze me?!" Traximus chuckled.

"That's great. So I take it you're up for one more round?" I smiled, narrowed my eyes and nodded, determined to show what I could do.

"Bring it on!"

A/N: Okay, chapter done!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review, favorite and follow! G'night everybody- and once again, Merry Christmas!