A Million Miles Apart
A/N: Hooray! Happy New Year to you! (Yes, I know I'm late- whatever!) I am over the 100 000 words mark! Which marks this as the longest story I have ever written! I am so happy for that! And I want to thank you all for reading this story, which motivated me to keep writing! Thank you so much!
Sorry I'm so late, but I've had a little bit of a writer's block, had to re-write this chapter a few times plus my older sister was home for a few days, so I've been spending some time with her before she went back to England.
Hope you'll enjoy this chapter and please review, favorite and follow!
Chapter 24: Things Going Back to Normal, But Not Really...
I couldn't believe it. How was this even possible? I had lost the Fugitoid- not once, not twice, but three times now! Father was going to kill me when I reported back to him. A lot of my soldiers had been destroyed or captured by the Triceratons, but I still had a few left- but not enough to make sure we could go after the Fugitoid and his new friends. Curse that terrapin freak! Why did he have to come along and ruin everything we tried to do? I sighed as I sat down in front of the computers and looked over at the pilot, who was awaiting my orders.
"Contact the General- and gather up our soldiers! Make sure that they get the aid they need for their injuries. I wish to talk to my father- alone." He nodded and started by contacting the base, where my father hopefully was right now. A screen appeared in front of me and the pilot immediately left the room, heeding my wish to talk with my father alone. General Blanque appeared on the screen with angry eyes and a big scowl on his face.
"Moriah, I hope that you have some good news to tell me. It would be too bad if something bad happened." I gulped, playing a little with my fingers and my hair as I tried to figure out what to say. After a few seconds, I took a deep breath and looked up at him again.
"Well, no- not really. We attacked the Triceratons, like you ordered us to, but when we did, a lot of the aliens escaped from the Triceratons' prisons." I gulped again and looked down at my boots. "A-along with the Fugitoid. We also lost quite a few of our soldiers, about twenty of our best ones." I couldn't bear to look up at him, but I could practically hear his anger boiling up.
"Did I hear that right? You lost the Fugitoid yet again? And not only that, you also lost a lot of soldiers to the Triceratons? How could you let that happen?!" I bit my lip and let him yell at me until he finally stopped to let me speak.
"Father, it wasn't my fault! They escaped while the Triceratons tried to kill us; we had to save our own lives before we noticed that they were all gone! I- I'm sorry, we didn't-" He rolled his eyes at me, slamming his clenched fist into the table to make me stop talking.
"Silence! You are a complete disappointment! Do you realize that you're making me look like a complete nincompoop when it comes to leading? Our people depend on us to win, and you lose again and again, making them look at me, thinking, 'how can this man lead us?'! You make this family look like amateurs!" I winced at his words and tried to blink back tears of frustration and guilt. Failure. The worst word in the dictionary. Failure: not good enough, not successful, a good-for-nothing daughter. I blinked harder, making sure to kill my tears, and then looked back up at him.
"I just don't understand it! How did the Triceratons learn about the Fugitoid in the first place? How? None of us have figured it out- have you?" I tried to change the subject, but as my father opened his mouth to speak, I saw a woman in the background trying to sneak out of the room. I recognised her- it was Lonae, one of the computer experts at the Federation base. She was the girl my father had yelled at the other day, before I had talked about that terrapin with the Fugitoid.
"Hey! Where are you going?" My father turned around and saw Lonae trying to sneak away- and she saw it, too, and tried to run. Before she could, he grabbed her by the arm and yanked her back.
"Lonae, you seem to know something about this matter! Care to tell us what, or do I have to force it out of you?" No response. He shook her roughly and grabbed her by the jaw, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Huh?!" Lonae stared down at the floor before looking up at her General with a defiant fire burning in her eyes.
"I'd rather die than watch our people and our planet destroy itself in a pointless war! You may kill me, but I'll do anything I can to make sure that Teleportal is as far away from your dirty hands as possible!" Father growled at her and threw her over to one of the as possible!" Father growled at her and threw her over to one of the guards.
"Take her to the cells! I'll deal with her later- right now I have to deal with my daughter!" He turned back to me and the look in his eyes told me he was serious. "Moriah, I will give you another mission, a mission even a no-good like you should be able to handle. Your sister has disappeared, along with one of our ships. Find her and bring her home! If you can't handle that, then don't bother to come home again. Ever." The call ended and I found myself alone in the control room, trying to figure out what had just happened. If I didn't find Starlee and bring her home, he would banish me? This wasn't fair. That weird alien had gotten away with the Fugitoid, and with Jhanna as well.
Wait- the Fugitoid had disappeared with that freak, Jhanna along with them. And just when Starlee had figured out that Jhanna was gone and Father wasn't going to do anything about it, she had disappeared as well, along with one of our ships. She must've gone to save her, and might have saved the Fugitoid and the terrapin freak as well. So they must be on the same ship. If that was true, then if I could bring Starlee, Jhanna and the Fugitoid back to my father, he would probably take back this threat of banishment- and might finally be proud of me. I sighed and called back the rest of the guards.
"I have new orders from the General! We are going after the Fugitoid to capture him and to save my sisters from that disgusting terrapin freak- we will bring them and that disgusting robot back to D'hoonib! As for any other aliens on that ship they might be on, they can be destroyed for all I care. But do not harm Starlee or Jhanna! Or the Fugitoid! Understood?" They all nodded and the pilot started to steer the ship away from the Triceraton prison and in the direction that we tracked the Fugitoid to.
"Mikey... Mikey... Mikey, where are you...?"
I woke up, looking around in confusion, and tried to find who- or what- had woken me. Then I realized that I wasn't in my room. Darkness surrounded me and for a second, I had no idea where I was. In the sewers? Nah, it didn't smell like it and it wasn't damp or slimy enough to be. Topside, in the middle of the night? No, even then there would be some light outside. This was New York, after all- the city that never sleeps.
Then, suddenly, that voice started to call my name again. It was faint, barely above a whisper. I turned in every direction, trying to spot the one who spoke to me. But I couldn't see anything. Nothing but pure, black darkness.
"Mikey... I'm right here, where are you? Don't you remember me?" I turned around again, fingers on the nunchucks in my belt, and tried to search out where the voice came from.
"Hello? Who's there? Show yourself!" I drew my nunchucks, ready to fight off any threat that might come out of the shadows. The voice chuckled at me, amused by my reaction. Something in the laugh and the voice felt familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on how or why.
"Heh... You always were a little... how can I say this tactfully? Well, special, so to speak, Michelangelo. I guess I shouldn't be overly surprised, but I had thought that you would recognise my voice. Since you and I have always been so close all these years." Somebody stepped out of the shadows and my jaw hit the ground; my nunchucks fell out of my hands. The figure was tall, skinny, and had what looked like a shell on his back.
"Donnie...?" He smiled at me and his eyes practically sparkled, and as he came closer to me, the darkness around me started to fade away. I felt my fear and insecurities drain out of me; still, I was pretty unsure if what I saw was real and not just some sort of illusion, but I didn't listen to the voice in the back of my head that told me that this wasn't real. I just smiled so widely that my face would've split in two if it could, and I ran up to Donnie with my arms stretched out wide.
"Donnie!" I threw my arms around his neck, almost knocking him to the ground, and nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck, starting to cry. Donnie smiled back at me, just as widely, and hugged me tightly, lifting me off my feet and spinning me around as he was thrown off balance before putting me down on my feet again. And, for the first time since that fight with the Kraang, I felt whole again.
I nuzzled my face into Donnie's chest, tears falling down my cheeks, and I couldn't fight back the sobs. To be honest, I didn't WANT to, either. My big brother was here, he was hugging me, laughing with me and he was talking to me. That was all that mattered right now. So, if I happened to be so happy that I was crying, I could live with that. I felt Donnie place one hand on the back of my head and press me closer to him, hugging me tighter with the other arm.
"It's okay, Mikey, I'm here now. I'll always be here." I choked on a sob and looked up at my big brother. His comforting brown eyes smiled down at me, and (I might be losing it right now) I could've sworn I could see a sort of glow around him, as if he was glowing or he was an angel or something. I choked back another sob and blinked away enough tears so that I could see him.
"Why did you have to leave us, Donnie? Why couldn't you stay with us? We need you! We love you and you're not with us! The lair isn't the same without you!" I heard Donnie sigh and his arms tightened around me as he gently leaned his cheek against my head.
"Some things just happen, Mikey. We can't always explain why it happens, nor can we control it; it just happens. Believe me, I would stay with you for all eternity if I could. But, sadly, the world doesn't work that way."
"Donnie... please, come home." My voice cracked, but I didn't care. I looked up at my big brother and I knew that, because I was crying, I had my big puppy dog eyes out right now, whether I liked it or not. He smiled lightly at me, as if he was sad but trying to be strong for me, even though he had to say something hard.
"No, you know I can't do that, Mikey. I have to move on, just as much as you have to move on. You know this just as well as I do. It'll be better for the both of us if we do." I shook my head, buried my face into his chest again and squeezed more tears from my clenched eyes.
"No, you know I can't do that, Mikey. I have to move on, just as much as you have to move on. You know this just as well as I do. It'll be better for the both of us if we do." I shook my head, buried my face into his chest again and squeezed more tears from my clenched eyes.
"No, Donnie, please. Please, you can't leave us. We miss you too much! Please, Donnie, I don't want you to go away! I don't want to forget..." Donnie placed his hand on my cheek, his thumb under my chin, and forced me to look up at him and into his eyes. He smiled at me, but he also had tears that had started to form in his eyes, though he tried to blink them away and keep them from falling.
"I'll always be with you, Mikey. Even if you can't see me or hear me, I'll be there; in here." He placed his hand over my heart. "As long as you know that I'm in your heart, you'll never forget. I'll be watching over you and our family, always. I'll see how you guys will save the world, defeat evil and become the heroes I know you are." I smiled up at him, placed my hand over his on my face and reached up to his face so I could dry his eyes.
"You're the real hero, Donnie. You always put others before yourself. That makes you the true hero of the family. At least, in my eyes, you'll always be." He smiled back and used his thumb to dry my eyes and cheeks.
"Thank you, Mikey. And in my eyes, you'll always be my favorite little brother." I couldn't help but laugh and gently bumped my nose against his chest, like a cat.
"Yeah right, dude- I'm your ONLY little brother." He chuckled at me and nuzzled our faces against each other.
"All the more reason to think you're the best, right?" I gazed up at him and saw his gentle, comforting smile, and couldn't help but smile back at him. Then he looked over his shoulder, as if somebody was calling for him. He looked down for a second with a somber look in his eyes and sighed, then turned back to me and took my hands.
"I have to go now, Mikey." No- he couldn't! Not yet! I wasn't done yet! I hadn't finished saying goodbye! I flung my arms around his waist, determined to never let go, and cried into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled his face into the side of my head.
"No, please, Donnie! Not yet, you can't go yet! I'll miss you too much, Donnie! I can't live without you!" He chuckled without a trace of humor and gently pried my arms off of himself.
"Yes, you can. You'll have to, Mikey; you have to live your life all the way through. For my sake, if not for your own? I don't want any of my brothers to go before their time." He looked me in the eyes, took my face between his hands and kissed my forehead, nuzzling his cheek against my head and then smiling. The glow around him seemed to grow stronger. "Now, goodbye, Mikey. Be strong, be brave, and remember- I love you." He started to fade away, his voice fainter and fainter with each word. I reached out for him, but within seconds he was gone and I was alone in the darkness again.
"Donnie, no! Please, come back! Please don't leave me! I still need you! I still love you! Donnie! Can you hear me?! DONNIE!"
"Donnie!" I flew up from my bed with a shriek and panted heavily as I frantically looked around in my room, trying to figure out where I was. I tried to spot my brother, but he was nowhere to be found. He was gone, again, and I was all alone in my room. I felt the disappointment wash over me in a merciless wave and small tears started to form in my eyes. But this time, I wiped them away before I could start crying again. I had done a lot of crying lately; I didn't want to start again.
It hadn't been real. It was just a stupid dream! Figures that the best thing that'd happened to me in two weeks was just a dream. Still, it had been so great to see Donnie again- to hear his voice again. His words still rang in my head and I couldn't help but feel a little better knowing that he was still there, even though it had been in a dream and not in real life.
"Some things just happen, Mikey. We can't always explain why it happens, nor can we control it- it just happens."
"I have to move on, just as much as you have to move on. You know this just as well as I do."
"I'll always be with you, Mikey. Even if you can't see me or hear me, I'll be there, watching over you."
"Be strong, be brave, and remember- I love you."
I placed a hand to my forehead where Donnie had kissed me, and I could swear I could still feel his lips against my skin- could still feel his arms wrapped around me. 'I'll always be there,' He said. 'Remember- I love you,' He said. But what if I wouldn't remember? What if I, years from now, would look at the pictures of Donnie and think, 'Huh, I wonder who that is?' And I'll ask the others if they know, but they'll all say, 'Gee, I don't know. I can't seem to remember who that was. Maybe a friend we lost touch with? New York is so filled with mutants these days.'
That thought filled me with horror. The fact that Donnie, someday, would be long forgotten, and nobody would remember that he was our brother. All those memories we shared, the games we played, all the adventures we had been through, would, in the future, be nothing but memories that had faded away into non-existence. And we would only think of him as a distant friend we had lost contact with years ago. So much so that maybe we wouldn't even remember his name.
I shook my head and got up from my bed. I wouldn't let it happen. I would do everything I could to make sure that I would always remember him. I opened one of my drawers and looked through all of the stuff I had in there. I knew I had it in there, somewhere. I dug around in the drawer a bit more and found what I was looking for. A small, thin photo album, filled with pictures of my bros and me. I had gotten it from April a few weeks back. It had been Donnie's birthday and one of the things she had given him was a similar photo album, along with one for me, Leo and Raph. Something about four for the price of two. And so I hadn't filled it with so many pictures up until now. I looked through the few pages I had filled with pictures and then my eyes fell on the one. The perfect picture.
It hadn't been taken very long ago- maybe three months ago? It showed Donnie, who had been reading a book at the kitchen table, but had been interrupted by me hugging him around his chest from behind and resting my chin on his shoulder with a big smile. He had a big smile on his face, too, his book in one hand as he looked up at me. I noticed that this was one of the few times I didn't have to stand on my toes to be able to reach up to his shoulders. I usually had to do that since he was so friggin tall. I smiled at the picture and took it out of the album. I wanted to keep this photo close to me; to keep it on me at all times. Just so that Donnie would be close to me at all times, even when I wasn't actively thinking about him.
I put the album away and put the photo in the pocket of my belt. I would carry this photo around, always, no matter where I went. I would have it when we were in the lair, out on patrol or when we were just eating pizza. Just so I could carry him around, so that no matter where I went he would always be with me. I nodded to myself, walked back over to my bed, lie down on the mattress and went back to sleep.
"Do you think he's alright? I mean, he said that if he didn't show up at training, then he wanted us to drag him out of his room. Are you sure we should put him through that?" Mikey looked up from his plate of eggs and at Leo and me. I was poking at my own fried egg and bacon. I wasn't very hungry, so when Mikey spoke up, it gave me a chance to think of something other than the food in front of me. Leo looked up, too, and swallowed some of his eggs and bacon.
"What do you mean, Mikey? Why should we not train today?" Mikey shrugged and played a little with his eggs with his fork. He didn't look like he was trying to slip away from training, like he did sometimes when he pretended to be sick or injured. He looked genuinely concerned about something.
"Well, it's just that... Well, Splinter's been so sad and depressed the past two weeks, and has only now started to come out of his shell again. Maybe we should let him be sad for as long as he needs to be, and then start training again. I mean, it's not like he's gonna stop being sad now, just because we're gonna start training again." Leo sighed and put his fork down, placing his hand on Mikey's shoulder.
"None of us are gonna stop being sad, Mikey. This is something we're gonna be sad over for a very, very long time. And I doubt that it'll ever go away. But we need to try and move on, even if it's hard." I nodded.
"And the best way to do that is to try and get used to how life is going to be from now on by trying to live as we always have. Or, at least as close to normal as we can make it." I still refused to believe to that Donnie was dead, but I knew better than to keep talking about it every single day. I thought over what Mikey had told me yesterday- that I needed to think of the family I had left, and not just of the brother I had lost. So I had decided to hold onto my hope, but not try and force the others to hope as well by talking about it all the time. This was hard enough as it was without me making things worse by rubbing salt in their wounds.
Mikey reached down into his belt and took something out, something that looked like a photo or a piece of paper. I leaned over the table to try and get a look. It was a photo. A picture of Mikey hugging Donnie from behind, both of them with big smiles on their faces. I smiled at the picture and looked up at Mikey.
"That's nice picture, Mikey. But why are you carrying it around like that?" But Mikey didn't seem to hear me; he just shook his head and looked up at Leo with his puppy dog eyes. Small tears formed in his eyes and he immediately tried to wipe them away while trying to look as if he didn't care or like he didn't notice the tears.
"I don't want things to be as normal as possible! I don't want to try to live as we always have! I want Donnie to be here so that things will be just like they've always been! Trying to act like it's normal when it clearly isn't feels like we're trying to ignore him or trying to forget about him!" His voice cracked and he had a hard time keeping the sobs at bay. He looked Leo in the eyes. "I don't want him to be forgotten, Leo. I don't want to forget." He whispered, and he looked just like a kicked puppy.
I looked at the picture again. A few tears had fallen onto it and were now rolling down the smooth surface. That must be why he carried it around- so he could feel like he wouldn't forget about Donnie. Leo looked at him with pity and wrapped his arm around Mikey's shoulders, pulling him close to his side.
"Yeah, I know, Mikey. I know. None of us do. But I can tell you right now that I know he will never be forgotten." Mikey looked up from Leo's embrace, tears still there.
"How can you be so sure? How do you know that we'll never forget him?" Leo placed his hands on Mikey's shoulders, gently pushed him away from his chest, grabbed his chin and forced him to look him in the eyes.
"'Cause we're his brothers! We are his family! We all love him unconditionally- we always have! That's how I know that he'll never be forgotten." Mikey smiled lightly and wrapped his arms around Leo. I couldn't help but feel a little left out. I had tried to help the best I could, but Leo was so much better at these sorts of things than I was, so I couldn't offer much comfort. But still, I was here, too. And I wanted to help my brothers get through this as well. I sighed, stood up and left the room. I didn't even put away my plate or eat my food. I wasn't hungry, anyway.
I slumped down on the couch with a groan. Why did it have to be so hard? You know what? No, I'll take it back. Why did this happen in the first place? Oh, I'll tell you why: because Fate hated us! Life had been so tough and unfair to us ever since the day we were mutated. We were all mutants, not welcome in the human world or in the world above in general. And we fought bad guys on almost a daily basis. You would think that fate would be kind enough to cut us some slack every now and then. But oh, no- of course not. 'Fate is kind, and she'll see you through.' Yeah, right. You're not fooling anyone, Disney. Fate is a cruel witch, and everybody knows it! The five of us knew it especially. Oh, um, right. The four of us knew it...
"My son." I was pulled from my thoughts to see Splinter standing at the entrance to the dojo. I looked up at him and stood.
"Yes, Sensei?" He descended the stairs and walked up to me. He seemed pretty concerned, but it also looked like he was trying to hold back his own emotions.
"Raphael, are you alright? You look rather pale. Have slept and eaten well today?" I nodded. I had slept pretty well last night, for the first time in quite some time, and had eaten about half of my omelet for breakfast. So I guess that counted, to some degree. Splinter didn't look convinced, though.
"Are you sure? Do you think you need to rest? I can postpone training for another day, if you'd like." I frowned at him. It was almost hard to believe Splinter had said that, since he would never say that any other day. I guess he didn't feel ready to train us, and was trying to get out of starting to train three of us instead of four in any way he could. I folded my arms over my chest and glared up at him.
"Sensei, you said that we were going to start training today! You also said that if you tried to get out of it, we were allowed to force you into the dojo! You can't go back on your word!" Master Splinter looked at me strangely, then sighed and placed his hand on my shoulder.
"I know- I am sorry, Raphael. I guess we both still have some emotional baggage that we need to work through, don't we?" I nodded slowly and tried to smile. Splinter smiled back at me and then turned around and went back to the dojo. "Tell your brothers that training starts in ten minutes. I will get things ready." I nodded and went back to the kitchen and delivered the news to Leo and Mikey before I went to my room to get my sai.
Ten minutes later we were gathered in the dojo, kneeling in front of Master Splinter, who looked down on us with stern, yet distracted, eyes. He had his arms folded behind his back and I could tell that he was looking at the space beside Mikey, as if he expected Donnie to be sitting there, but was constantly disappointed and disheartened by doing so.
"Alright... my sons. Today we will focus on your form and repeat some katas to make sure that you haven't fallen behind so much that you've lost your... well, your 'touch', so to say." I shot a glance over at Leo and I could tell that he thought the same thing I did. Splinter was distracted and he clearly didn't feel ready to do this. But we both knew that he had to start getting back into the swing of things now- or he never would.
We all stood up, ready to practice our katas when Splinter gave the word, but he kept looking at us strangely. As if he kept counting how many we were, and kept coming to the same conclusion. He sighed heavily and looked down at the floor.
"...Hajime." Leo drew his swords and started slowly swinging them in a fluid manner, moving his feet in a similar motion. Fluidly putting one foot forward and then the other while trying to make the motions of the swords fluid as well. Mikey started to practice on his spinning back kick and the punch that came after the kick was finished. He stumbled a little and almost fell to the floor. I frowned. Usually Mikey could do this without any problems, but he was clearly distracted. I debated on whether I should help him, but decided he didn't need it. He could do this; he just needed to focus ever so slightly.
I decided to work on my katas since Leo was always on my case about my form being too sloppy. Maybe, if I trained on my form, I could get Leo off my back now that training was starting again. The last thing I needed right now was Leo being all over me about training. I focused on the movements, raised one arm to my forehead while the other moved to my side, and did the same thing with opposite arms doing the movement again. I gritted my teeth. Going so slowly was boring, but I knew I had to cope with it.
Splinter looked us over, but his eyes weren't focusing entirely on us. They had drifted off into space and he wasn't entirely focused. Any other time I might've been offended, but I could totally understand why he wasn't as attentive. He moved over to Leo and gently guided his arms and hands to show the right movements.
"Be sharper in your attacks, Leonardo. It's an attack, not a dance." He turned to Mikey, who had just fallen to the floor due to loss of balance. He helped him up and looked Mikey straight in the eyes.
"Don't be so quick in your movements, Michelangelo. You'll only lose balance. And please, focus more on what you're doing." He then turned to me. "Raphael, be more fluid in your movement. If you hit an enemy with a wrist that tight, you'll only hurt yourself." His corrections were pretty stern and curt, and while I could understand why he was acting this way, it wasn't an excuse for being rude or brief with us. He turned to look the other way.
"Donatello, keep your-" He was cut off as he realized he'd spoken to someone who wasn't there. And at this point, Leo couldn't be quiet anymore.
"Sensei, Donnie's not coming back anytime soon. But we're still here, and we need you right now." Mikey nodded and stopped trying to do his kick.
"Yeah, and though I totally understand why you're acting this way, I think you need to loosen up a little, Sensei. You're being pretty harsh right now." I nodded, pretty glad that both Leo and Mikey had called Splinter out before I could. I don't know why, but it felt good to not be the complainer for once. I opened my mouth to add to the talk, but Splinter interrupted me.
"I- I'm sorry, my sons. I... I guess I still need some time. Time we might not have. The Shredder and Kraang are not going to stop and wait for us to recover." Leo, Mikey and I shared a look. I had never seen Splinter like this, between a state of depression and suppressed emotions. Or something like that, anyway. He turned to us and waved at us.
"Please, my sons. I need some time to think. We will resume your training in a few hours. I need some time alone to think and meditate over what I have to do. Leave me, please." He sounded like he was on the verge of crying, and Leo reached out towards our father. But Splinter turned at him and I could see in his eyes that he wanted to be alone.
"Leonardo, please, leave me! I will be fine, but I need to be alone right now." We all nodded and left the room without saying a word. Leo walked over to the couch and just sat down, staring off into space, clearly distracted and a little crestfallen. Mikey went to his room and closed the door behind him. I sighed heavily. This wasn't exactly how I'd thought training was gonna be today.
A/N: Yeah... Not my best chapter. I've been doing a lot of re-writing and changes so the story wouldn't be so rushed, which is partly why this chapter took so long. Hopefully it's still good enough to read, and I really hope I will get better at writing about training sessions and fights, 'cause the ones I write are pretty bad, in my opinion.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review, favorite and follow!