The Not So Merry Month of May...
"We're about to find out what Red Bull and Vodka will do for a common cold." Daria said as she made one of the four arms raise up a glass of said concoction that she had prepared for herself.
"Hey!" Darla and Darrien exclaimed, making Daria pause in mid-air. "Shouldn't you have consulted us first before consuming that?"
"Maybe." Daria replied to her other two heads, "However this was my body first, therefore I'm the leader."
"Bullcrap!"
The four-armed three-headed thing then began to punch and flail about, spilling fratboy go-go juice everywhere.
"Wow." said Jane as she watched the fight, eating expensive makeup.
"Wow indeed." replied Quinn, having paused her knitting of a plushie of Ananteshesha to also watch the chaos.
The Three D's continued to punch each other, having fallen on their back like a turtle, the drink glass long since tossed aside and broke on the floor.
On the floor a cockroach approached a drop of the drink and took a buggy little sip and suddenly had the urge to start working out like a boss.
Trent entered the room, a bag of chips in his hand.
"Hey Darliaeen." He said to the three-headed being, cutting through the fight.
In full Daria-esque instinct, the three heads began the familiar blushy-silency-teengirlly-crushy that Trent knew would end the violence.
"At least things are going to get back to normal." Jane commented, her mouth stained with a rainbow of lipsticks she had just inhaled, now working on the mascara.
Outside their heard faint screams, Sandi was still fighting for her life against the tomato monster that had emerged during the summoning of Santa Clauzalcotal last Christmas.
It was ignored in favor of the floor suddenly shaking and exploding as a giant cockroach emerged, 7ft tall, jacked for the gods, wearing neon green basketball shorts, a sweat stained tank top, a sweatband on his forehead, smoking a joint, and working on his triceps like a boss.
The cockroach made cockroach noises with it's antennae, which Darla translated for the benefit of everyone in the room.
"He wants more Red Bull and Vodka."
Darrien sneezed.
"Oh crap." Daria said, "We forgot about Darrien's cold."
"I've got a cure for that!" Stacy exclaimed, suddenly being in the room despite her complete absence until this very point in the narrative. Stacy raised an ax high above her own head.
"Don't!" Quinn screamed, "Have you ever seen The Thing?!"
Stacy thought a moment. "Yes!" then let the ax fall anyway, cutting of her own head in the process.
"Oh great." Jane complained as Stacy's headless body began flailing about the room, spraying blood from her neck wound.
"Dammi-GURGHILGH!" Darrien and Darla both began choking on a spurt of blood that had fallen into their open mouths.
Daria had avoided the worst of it. "Hey Stac." she said to Stacy's head as it grew eye-stalks, spider legs, and was now an upside-down face.
Stacy's head began to make monster noises, however Trent poured chips into the opening mouth, calming it down.
"I wish I had some donuts." He said out loud, suddenly having a craving.
Just then Sandi and the Tomato Monster burst through the wall, Sandi gave a barbaric war-cry that would have made Tamerlane proud before delivering a death-blow to her foe.
"I HAVE, LIKE, TRIUMPHED AND STUFF!"
The group stared at the panting, wheezing, scratched up, bite-covered, rag-wearing, Sandi Griffin, taking stock of the moment until...
"I have GOT to get some donuts/ Got to make 'em up right/ A bakers dozen is air-tight alright!" Trent sang, doing air-guitar in lieu of a real guitar.
"Donuts sound good." Sandi answered just before the Stacy-head monster finished the last of the chips and saw a second snack in Sandi herself and launched itself in a vicious head-spider-monster attack.
As Sandi began a new fight for her life against an andromorphic head-creature with teeth, Daria's body was pulled up by Jane and Trent, so the five of them could find a donut shop that hadn't been blown up by the Nova Scotian Liberation Front.
The cockroach also followed, figuring they could make a pitstop at a liquor store and maybe a gas station if the liquor store didn't have Red Bull to go with his vodka.
Quinn resumed her knitting, noticing that the blood on her needles was making her plushie better looking for some reason.
If Quinn had noticed the strange gleam in the button-eyes she had given it, there would have been fear, however the forgetfulness of Ananteshesha had already taken that away.
Tiffany then popped her head in through the hole in the wall and asked the familiar question.
"Doessss thiisss dresss makeee meee loookkk faaattt?"
Quinn hurled one of her knitting needles at Tiff, sinking it deep into the flesh of her bony neck.
"That was for stabbing me in the neck last Christmas you bitch!"
"Oh, and one more thing," Quinn added as Tiffany began choking to death on her own blood, "Yes, that dress makes you look fat!"
FIN